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[02 Sep 2003|09:28am] |
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*stretches out in bed then slowly opens my eyes looking at chris sleeping next to me. smiles and runs my hands over his head fingering his new mohawk. Kisses his nose then slips out of bed and to lily's room where shes fussing in her crib.* Alright baby girl, mama is here. *picks her up out of her crib and immediately takes her to the changing table putting a clean diaper on her and tossing her pjs in the hamper, just leaving her in the diaper* It's hot in your room isn't it? We're gonna find you a fan or something today. Or we'll let you sleep in Mommy and Daddy's room tonight, because I couldn't sleep in this mess either. *sits down in the rocking chair propping feet up and starting to feed her humming softly leaning back and closing my eyes rubbing her back slowly in little circles as she eats.*
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| For Ashton |
[28 Aug 2003|10:06pm] |
*sits down at my desk with a pen in hand looking down at the pad of paper. sighs and begins writing*
Ashton-
I don't even know if this will make sense, I am just going to write as it comes. All of us have been in a place in our lives where the decisions we make are drastic and as soon as we've done it we wish we could take it back. It doesnt matter. You can't take it back, but you can learn from it. You can look around you and see what the result of that was and know what to do next. In the end, those people who love you will still be there even after you make the worst decision of your life. Your family loves you. Your wife would do anything for you. You have two beautiful daughters and a baby on the way. They look up to you. They love you no matter what. To them, you are the most incredible man in the world. You have so many friends who love you. I love you. Ash you are my bestfriend. I can tell you anything and I know you wont judge me. I want you to know that you can tell me anything, I dont care what it is and I'm not going to judge you. I will just be there for you. I don't know what I would do if i lost you. You are such a good friend to me. You always show up at just the right time. Who gives a shit what anyone else thinks about you. Its not important. Your family loves you. It doesnt fucking matter about all that other shit anymore. All that matters is you, jen, and your babies. Thats all. Nothing else.
*pauses for a moment looking down at the paper sighing*
I dont know what else to say sweetie except i love you along with so many other people and all we want is for you to be ok. no matter how long or what it takes. all you have to do is ask and we'll be there for you. i promise. no matter where i am, or what i'm doing, i will be there for my best friend.
love,
mandah
p.s. i need you around. you're the only person who can make my son throw up on three people at one time :)
*reads it over and puts it in an envelope, seals it, and writes his name on the outside then drives over to ashton and jens putting the letter under the windshield wiper of his car then drives away*
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| i know my husband. . . |
[28 Aug 2003|09:45pm] |
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i know my husband will be thinking about this next time he's in the shower. . .
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| hi |
[28 Aug 2003|09:36am] |
hi. i know, i haven't been around much. i apologize. recently i've just be exhausted. when i have enough energy to do something, its with my kids. sorry everyone i wanna spend my waking, functioning moments with them. But, today I'm feeling pretty good so I should be around at least for a little while tonight. Alright? Alright.
p.s. i love my husband.
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[22 Aug 2003|09:36am] |
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*opens my eyes and slips quietly out of bed when I hear Christopher fussing. Goes to his bedroom and picks him up checking his diaper and changing it then takes him to the office with me.* Am I your friend again today? *smiles when he kisses me and says mama* No teasing me today, huh? *laughs and sits down at the desk with him opening a blank page*
Well, yesterday was definitely interesting. Chris and I decided that we would have one last cake and ice cream blow out before we start our new healthy eating habits. Well eating cake and ice cream, turned into eating cake and ice cream until we literally, puked. I didn't feel well and I made a run for the bathroom and started puking. Of course Chris followed me and next thing you know he's barfing, which in turn made me barf, again. Afterwards I just started laughing. There was nothing else I could do but laugh. It reminded me of, i forget what movie it is, but some kid is telling a story about this fat ass kid who eats all this nasty shit before a pie eating contest then he starts barfing everywhere which in turn makes everyone at the contest and everyone watching start throwing up. *laughs thinking about it* We're so weird. Anyway Christopher is sitting here chewing on my arm, so I think he might be hungry. I'm going to take him downstairs for some breakfast. *clicks update and heads down to the kitchen*
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[21 Aug 2003|09:55am] |
I have one sick husband, and one baby who is trying to get sick. But I wont let him. It was so cute last night Christopher, Chris and I were sitting on the couch and I had just got Christopher a cookie and a bottle. He was drinking his bottle and Chris wanted a piece of Christophers cookie, so he asked and Christopher held his cookie out for him and Chris took a little piece well Christopher was just not having that. He wanted Chris to have the whole cookie. He just kept holding it out for him while Chris told him it was ok, he only wanted a piece and then he like leans out of my arms and is trying to give him the cookie. It was so cute. My baby boy is so generous. *smiles* Lily has to stay away from daddy for a couple of days until he's better. The last thing we need is for our whole house to be sick.
Chris and I decided we are going to improve our eating habits. We have never had particularly healthy eating habits so we need to change that. Especially for the kids. I don't want our kids to be one of those fat tubby kids waddling around the play ground who gets made fun of. Christopher is going to spend enough time defending his dad for being in NSYNC. *smiles* just kidding baby. So yeah. I'm going to clean out the kitchen today. We'll have one last day of eating all our junk then we'll try and do a little better. Anyway, I need to feed Lily and I'm gonna go see if I can read some stuff to see what kind of stuff I should be buying at the store today. . .
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| *smiles* |
[20 Aug 2003|08:57am] |
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Richard Marx - right here waiting |
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I haven't made a post like this in a long time, probably since I got married soo...
You know you're in love with someone when you can spend the entire night with that person just watching eachother, tracing your fingertips on eachothers bodies, lightly kissing, telling eachother how much you are in love, and know that its the most amazing night you've had in so long.
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[19 Aug 2003|09:56am] |
The past week or so has just been, bad for me. Not horrible like unbearable, I mean there are happy moments but I just seem to be having a rough week as far as upsetting my husband. First there was a little joke that I played that turned out HORRIBLY wrong. I thought he'd get off on it, but quite the contrary. Then like two days later I really fucked things up. Now granted he played a very small role in that, but I'm the genius who really screwed everything. We're ok now. But it still makes me upset to think about it, so I try not to.
Christopher needs to s l o w d o w n. I didn't think kids picked up things as fast as he does. I swear to God the kid is a genius or something. He repeats and REMEMBERS a lot of the words we teach him and the things we say to him. The other day after the first event where I caused us some problems Chris had said something about being good that day because i was sad and later on I took Christopher upstairs to change his diaper and he touched my cheek and said "mama sad" then the next time i screwed everything I put Christopher in the bed with me while he took his nap and I was just thinking about stuff and he crawled over to me and sat up on my tummy and said "mama sad" again. That kid is fucking smart. I mean he really understands whats going on. He also knows 2 signs. Thank You and I'm sorry. He knows to do Thank You when he gets a cookie or a snack and I'm sorry when he farts. *laughs* He also taught himself to climb out of his crib already. Ok I know I didn't start doing that until I was like almost 2 becuase my mom just moved me from the crib to a bed, but he is much to small for a bed right now. So I think we're going to buy him a new crib. For the rest of yesterday I just made sure the sides of the crib were locked in the highest position and either he didn't try it because he remembers getting caught or having it in the highest position is too high for him to get out. So we'll see how the next week goes.
Lily is growing so fast too. Ashton and I took the kids to gymboree over the weekend and I went back and bought this awesome playmat I saw for Lily. Its all different colors and shapes and textures, so its something that she can play on. When we went to the park yesterday i put her town on it and she was grabbing like crazy at a couple of the shapes. She's doing so well. She sleeps through most of the night now. If i feed her right before I go to bed she usually doesnt wake up again until morning. So thats working well. That girl loooooooves eating and falling asleep and just staying on the boob. She'll stay there all day if she wants to. Waking up now and then getting a little snack then going back to sleep. But you can't take her off, oh no. She wont have that. If she wants to spend hours on the boob, god damnit, she will. Its ok though, I don't mind. I know that shes daddy's little angel so it gives me some time with her.
Alright, I'm sure you guys are sick of hearing about my kids. . .I'm gonna go find something to eat. . .
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[18 Aug 2003|09:27am] |
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*slowly lets my eyes drift open smiling feeling chris' arms around me. looks around the room confused at first as to why we're in the guest room, but then remembers everything from the night before. sees the note next to me and picks it up reading it. closes my eyes again and bites my lip slightly holding back tears. sets the note on the bedside table then turns slowly in chris' arms trying not to wake him. runs my hand over his head, the stubble growing out. starts to whisper to him in his sleep*
I love you. I love you more than anything, more than life itself. There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for you. Please don't take the blame for what I did to you. It will only make me feel worse about the pain i caused you. *kisses his forehead* i love you too much to ever do that to you again. *sighs when i hear lily start to fuss then kisses his forehead again and slips out of bed going to our room and putting on my robe then going and getting Lily out of her crib sitting in the rocking chair and feeding her* shhh baby, daddy is sleeping.
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[15 Aug 2003|09:08am] |
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*slowly opens my eyes looking at Chris watching him sleep for a minute before slipping out of bed and sneaking downstairs. Goes to the kitchen and gets a tray out and starts making breakfast putting it on the tray. When I'm satisfied, picks it up and takes it upstairs and sets it on the table next to the bed. Grabs a piece of paper and writes a note*
Chris,
I'm still so sorry for last night. I don't know how many times I'll have to say it before I can forget what I did, but I am sorry. I love you so much and I would never want to hurt you or make you upset.
I Love You
Mandah
*sets the note on the tray then slips out of the room and goes to Lily's nursery. Leans on the side of her crib watching her as she watches the mobile above her head. Smiles and scoops her up and sits in the rocking chair and begins feeding her* Now we just wait for daddy to wake up. . .
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| new icons |
[14 Aug 2003|04:16pm] |
weeee 2 new icons
 
edit: make that 3 new icons:
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[13 Aug 2003|03:20pm] |
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so yesterday, definitely was the day from hell. we started out the day by Christopher hitting his head on the table. after cleaing up that the rest of the day was just down hill. All the kids wanted to do was scream, cry, fight, and be unhappy. When it was time to eat, they fought it off until the point they were so hungry that they had no choice. By the end of the day they were so worn out from being cranky and unhappy that they just passed out. And I know that Christopher was partly cranky because he's getting his first tooth, but I dont know I think he was just pissed off yesterday too. THen of course Lily can't do anything her brother isn't doing so since he was cranky and unhappy she was too. Yesterday we were the home of Mr. and Mrs. Cranky Pants.
Other than Christophers bad day yesterday he's growing up so fast. So far he knows three words. Kiss, Ball, and Dada. Hes getting stronger at walking. And we're starting him on signlanguage. When he says his words we take his hands and have him do the sign that goes with it and then also some other little words like Thank You. I know right now he just thinks were insane, but eventually he'll start to understand. Especially when hes old enough to understand that Lily can't hear. He cracks me up right now, he's so hilarious whether he realizes it or not. Yesterday we had him happy for like 5 minutes while he was playing with Lola and Ashton and I were joking they are going to get married so I asked Christopher "Are you and Lola gonna get married?" and what does he do? Rips the biggest fart you ever heard from someone so small. Oh my god, I seriously thought Ashton and I were going to die laughing. *smiles thinking about it* it was so funny.
Anyway, the kids should be waking up any minute from their nap. They are in a MUCH better mood today so we're going to go outside and play with the puppies for a while. . .
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[11 Aug 2003|09:11am] |
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*sighs* We're going home today. I'm kind of sad. This weekend has been so amazing. It was something Chris and I really needed just to get away from all the stuff thats been hammering at us at home. It was nice to get away from everything and just be with our family and friends. Christopher said his first word. *smiles remembering it* Kiss It was so amazing. We were all sitting there eating dinner and he just said it so of course I had to give him a big kiss since he did ask for it *laughs* But I think I'm kinda ready to go home. I want to get to work on things for Lily. I know at this point she can bearly hold her head up, but as soon as I can I want to start teaching her things. And I want to start learning things. I want to take a sign language class. I know once she starts learning things she's going to pick it up super fast I need to be one step ahead and I don't want to be fumbling. I want to be fluent. I want to know sign language like I've known it all my life. I'm excited about this, and I'm glad I'm in that frame of mind now rather than the frame of mind I was in when I just found out. But anyway...I better go get us packed.
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| warped tour. . |
[10 Aug 2003|06:31pm] |
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How nice. . .
At the post Warped show in Cleveland [with Letterkills, Story of the Year, and The Used] at the Odeon, David [Simple Plan] came on stage with The Used and Bert and David hella made out
... And it was actually pretty hot. =X
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[09 Aug 2003|09:36am] |
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*lays in bed for a few minutes watching Chris sleep. Finally kisses him on the forehead then slips out of bed grabbing lily out of her bassinet and heading to her room* Lily. Daddy is sleeping. Do you know what that means? *looks at her yawning, her little eyes fluttering open* It means, we clean. *sets her down on the changing table and changes her diaper and puts her in a little tshirt then slips the baby bjorn on and puts her in* Mommy will teach you how to clean like a pro. *grabs her laundry bag then goes to Christophers sees hes still sleeping so just grabs his laundry bag and heads out leaving the bags in the hall and tiptoeing into the bedroom to take ours then slips out and goes downstairs* mission complete. *kisses Lily's forehead and heads into the laundry room*
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[08 Aug 2003|09:26am] |
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Jessica Harp - She'll Fly |
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Just a few things I need to say:
JC:
Happy Birthday Sweetie!!!!!!! Chris and I owe you a weekend of babysitting so you and lance can run off and have a romantic weekend.
Jessi:
Thank you Jessica for the car. It's amazing. Its too much but thank you very much. We love it. I thought we werent going to be able to get it, but somehow you came up with it. Thanks Thanks Thanks.
Ashton:
Thank you for the cookies!! You know me too well!
Chris:
*blows kisses* I love you. I'm glad you got some sleep last night. I watched you for the longest time. It was nice to get to watch you sleep for once. I never get to anymore.
Ok. I'm done.
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[07 Aug 2003|09:26am] |
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*waves* Chris went and basically bought out the sign language section of Barnes and Noble yesterday. So we are set. We are starting right now at learning. At least the stuff shes going to need to know first. Hungry. Tired. Bathroom. etc. I'm also reading up on like dancers and musicans and stuff who are deaf. Not that Lily will neccessarily want to go down that route, but at least dance. Every little girl should take at least ONE ballet class. I was reading about this one school by us that offers so many music and dance classes. I wanna go check one out and see how it works.
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[06 Aug 2003|10:27pm] |
I think every parent spends their days hoping that their children never have to go anything that will bring them sadness or pain. Hearing that there is something your child can never change that might bring them pain is the worst feeling you'll ever have. Ever.
For the past week or so I've been watching Lily. I was noticing that she didn't respond to sound only touch. She slept through everything and never got upset by loud noises. Christophers crying never got her riled up. Yesterday we went to Disneyworld. As we were entering the parking lot we got honked at. Christopher flipped out, Lily slept. We went on our rides and then we sat down to watch the fireworks. Christopher again, freaked out. Bawling and screaming like mad. Lily, didn't flinch.
I had to tell Chris finally about what i'd been afraid to admit. He wanted to take her right then and there to the hospital, so we went. After a bunch of tests and a bunch of medical mumbo jumbo we heard words we never thought we'd hear. . . "Lily is deaf."
I flipped out. Not because shes deaf. Because I know that she isn't going to be treated like other kids. Because I know that she is going to get teased. Becuase I know Christopher is going to have to work twice as hard to stand up for his sister. Becuase I'm afraid Christopher will resent her at times. There are so many things that will hurt her as a result of her being deaf and I can't handle that. I don't want to see my child in pain. I dont want to sit at home with her while she cries because she has a crush on a boy and he doesnt like her because she's deaf. I spent the whole night crying. I cried all in my sleep. I woke up this morning looked in Lily's eyes and I ran to the bathroom. I vomited and fell into a fit of tears again. I just see the innocence in her eyes and I dont want to see her upset ever.
Chris and I talked alot today. We are going to start learning sign language and teaching Christopher sign language now. We're going to some specialists and spend time looking at facilities and what not to make sure that we give her every opportunity she wants to take. I love my daughter. I love her more than life itself, and I never want to see her in pain. . .
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[06 Aug 2003|09:09am] |
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*slowly opens my swollen eyes to see chris next to me in bed. sighs knowing i must've kept him up as i cried in my sleep for most of the night. turns to see the bassinet moving slightly, knowing he brought Lily into the room at some point in the night. I must've exhausted myself to the point of not even hearing her cry. Slowly slips of out his arms and out of bed, picking her up out of the bassinet and bringing her back to bed with us afraid to look at her face. Closes my eyes just holding her against me, finally looking in her eyes when I hear her gurgle happily. Everything from the past week and the night before comes rushing back to me. The car horn. The fireworks. The hospital. Words I never thought I'd hear. The silent ride home. The glass shattering against the wall. Before I even realize what I'm doing I've put her back in the bassinet and made a run for the bathroom making it just in time as I start vomiting into the toilet. Closes the lid to the toilet once I've finally finished and collapses into another fit of tears sitting on the bathroom floor.*
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