....       I'm addicted to your allure and I'm feeding for a cure....
Date & Time: 20/09/2003 @ 2:52 pm
Walked Away

Fill it out mk. Date & Time: 01/09/2003 @ 12:21 pm
mood   blah

[1] when and how did we meet:
[2] what did you first notice about me:
[3] what do you like most about me:
[4] are we friends:
[5] have you ever seen me with my shirt off:
[6] have you ever seen me cry:
[7] describe me in four adjectives:
[8] if we could spend a day together what would we do:
[9] have we ever gotten in a fight:
[10] if you could give me a present what would it be:
[11] would you hug me:
[12] what do you really think of me:
[13] have we ever kissed:
[14] has there ever been anything you wanted to tell me, but were scared to:
[15] wanna makeout:
[16] is there anything you dont like about me:
[17] what makes you think of me:
[18] whats your name:
[19] am i nice to you:
[20] have we ever dated:

11 // Walked Away

Date & Time: 26/08/2003 @ 2:33 am
mood   Lonley & Sleepy


;; She unlocked the door to her hotel room, blue eyes gazing the room as she closed the door behind her. She eyed her laptop that was sitting on the bed as she changed into a pair of JC’s boxer shorts and his “Knights” jersey he wore at CFTC this year. She sat down on the bed after she changed and bought the laptop onto her lap, logging onto the blurty client; beginning to type. ;;

3 more shows until the Justified/Stripped tour is over. It’s amazing how fast this tour has gone, almost unbelievable . When the tour first started, I really didn’t know what to expect. I’ve never co-lined a tour before and I thought it would be full of surprises. I was right about that. I thought I’d get to spend a lot of time with Justin also, but with our hectic schedules it didn’t really happen. Oh well, after the tour is over maybe we’ll have more time.

Today was the day I was suppose to begin my one month break, but since the stage collapsed in Atlantic City, the shows were pushed back and my break was shortened. I wish it wasn’t. JC and I decided that we would take a vacation, but at home. A whole month, just him, the babies and myself. Well, half a month is good enough. Can’t complain.

;; She stopped for a minute, looking around the empty hotel room, shivering as she felt a draft. ;;

The VMAs are coming up in a few days and I will be preforming. I have the next few days off for rehearsals so I can’t really go back home to visit JC and the babies. JC will be attending the VMAs though, and I get to be his date. I’m really excited since we basically are just starting to come out to the public after hiding our relationship for almost a year.

Speaking of JC, I’ve been missing him like crazy lately, wishing he were here with my right now. I haven’t seen him since the weekend of our 1 year anniversary of dating. I miss his touch, his laugh, his kisses Only a few more days till I see him…hopefully for more than that night. We probably wont even see each other that much with all the people, the parties and all that jazz.

;; She yawned as she looked at the clock flashing the time “2:29am”. ;;

I feel like calling him right now, but I don’t want to wake him. I know how much he loves his sleep and I don’t want him falling asleep on the phone. The ringing of the phone will probably wake the babies up anyways. Maybe another night…

I suppose I should be going to bed now, early rehearsal tomorrow morning…

;; She read over her update and clicked the “Update Journal” button, then she curled up in bed, holding the stuffed animal that JC had given her when she left for the tour, close to her body and fell asleep. ;;

1 // Walked Away

I found this amusing Date & Time: 13/08/2003 @ 7:23 pm
mood   amused

Justin and Xtina live: The Sex! The Screaming!

A summertime doubleheader featuring Justin Timberlake and Christina Aguilera sounds like the hottest tour of ... 1999. Still, the onetime Mouseketers have weathered the teenpop storm and emerged older and, if not wiser, or least skankier. This was never more apparent than at the June 8 show at Washington's Tacoma Dome. Despite her jet-black fright wig and dodgy feminst theory ("I pierce, therefore I am"), Christina (or, ahem, Xtina) won the night with her company, vampy spectacle topped off with real live singing, while Justin made up for his thin solo material by urging the girls to scream as if they were about to plummet into the sun. Here's what else you missed.

Percentage of females in 12,000-strong crowd:
Somewhere around 90. (Emasculated boyfriends and random gay guys made up the rest of the audience.)

Number of preteens spotted wearing homemade, hot-pink T-shirts with the vaguely disturbing phrase CAN YOU JUSTIFY AND STRIP ME:

Xtina's Look:
Puerto Rican transvestite hooker on 'ludes

Justin's Look:
Closeted frat boy from Iowa who just discovered FUBU

Number of inanimate objects humped by Xtina:
Eight (a chair, a chain-link fence, a curtain, a pole, a different kind of chair, a flame shooting motorcycle, and the floor.)

Most explicitly sexual moment of Justin's show:
The rear-screen projections and pyrotechnics used during his Britney-breakup epic "Cry Me A River" awkwardly suggested a prolonged and pained ejaculation.

Number of sleeves sported by Justin during "Rock Your Body":
Roughtly seven-eighths of a sleeve - a makeshift lef warmer on one arm and an elbow band on the other

Proof that girls don't care what Justin's music actually sounds like:
His backing band took numerous forays into lite jazz (good news for Donald "Hey Nineteen" ***en).

Proof that Xtina's "my naughty bits are showing" persona is here to stay:
For her remade, remodeled, and Marilyn Mansoned-up verson of "Genie in a Bottle," she took the stage strapped, spread-eagle, to a steel beam X surrounded by blazing fire.[/b]

Number of 'N Sync songs Justin sang:
Two ("Gone" and "Girlfriend")

What Justin did instead of singing "Bye Bye Bye":
A ten-minute solo beatbox jam while perched atop a cherry picker that swayed above the audience in a threating manner.

What we have learned:
Xtina loves sex; Justin loves himself.

3 // Walked Away

Date & Time: 11/08/2003 @ 1:31 am
mood   Weird & exanimate

I miss my big brother

I feel as if I don't know my best friendanymore

I miss talking to my twinnie

I miss hanging out with Britney. What ever happened to that spa weekend thing we were gonna do?

I want Nick to come back on tour with Justin and I so we can hang out.

I miss my back buddy

Why don't you people ever talk to me?

Why do I feel like I'm being distant from you when we've been so close lately?

I feel as if I've slipped away from all my friends and they're slipped from me. What happened?

4 // Walked Away

Date & Time: 09/08/2003 @ 12:52 am
mood   chipper
music   Busted -=- She Said No

I know this is posted a bit late, but Happy Birthday, baby. :-* <3 )

2 // Walked Away

Date & Time: 01/08/2003 @ 11:24 am
mood   hungry


24 // Walked Away

Date & Time: 29/07/2003 @ 2:18 am
mood   distressed

*She laid down on the hotel room bed, logging onto to the Blurty client as she pulled up the strap of her shirt that had fallen off from her right shoulder. She tucked a strand of her black hair behind her ear as she let out a soft sigh and placed her fingers upon the keys of the laptop; started to type.*

I’ve been staring at the phone all night. I’ve been wanting to call Jayce, But I can’t. Every since everything that has happened within the last few weeks and all the hate directed towards me, I’ve really depended on Jayce and his comfort. But with being on tour and all, I don’t have that. I know I can call, but I just never do. I always say to him that I “don’t want to be a bother” and he tells me that I’m not. Sometimes practically yells at me so I get it through my head.

I know I’m not a bother, I just keep looking for excuses because I’m scared. I feel so empty without his comfort. There’s no one here to sooth me back to sleep when I have a bad dream, hold me while I cry. I understand why he’s not here, it’s because he has to take care of the babies since I can’t be there. I just get scared to call him when I have a bad dream or something because I’m afraid he might think I’m weak, or needy, clingy, or just stupid.

*She signed as she rubbed her eyes lightly and yet out a yawn. She looked to her cell phone that was sitting on the night stand beside the bed, then focused her view back the screen of the laptop.*

But being afraid of calling him because I need comfort, is being stupid. Not the reason I want to call for, right? I don’t know why I’m afraid, Jayce and I have been a couple for almost a year now, yet I still can’t tell him everything. I hide from him. But I don’t think he can do the same either, he doesn’t talk much about how he feels. He’s more of a thinker, than a talker. He gets carried away in his thoughts just like I do, and like me, sometimes has trouble with expressing them. We both just hide from each other waiting to be cracked open.

*She clicked the ‘update journal’ button and logged off her laptop. She grabbed her cell phone from the nightstand and dailed the first few numbers but hung up and rest the phone beside her on the bed. She kept staring at the phone, trying to work up the courage to call Jayce, but just ended up falling asleep without touching the phone again.*

Walked Away

Date & Time: 20/07/2003 @ 1:39 am
mood   sick
music   Black Eyed Peas feat. Justin Timberlake - Where is the Love?

What rating is your journal?

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1 // Walked Away

Date & Time: 14/07/2003 @ 1:08 am
mood   melancholy

I’m sick of people asking me “What’s wrong?” and “What happened?” so I’m just going to write about it all here so I don’t have to be asked that anymore.

I went over to his house a few weeks back. We just sat around and talked about random things, laughed and joked. He brushed my hair behind me shoulder and tucked a few strands of my hair behind my ear. He caressed my neck with the tip of his nose, his lips just centimetres away from my skin. He moved his lips towards my skin and brushed them across. He whispered into me ear something along the lines of “Get mine, get yours” as he dropped a wet kiss on my neck, so I pulled away from him. He pulled me back and held my arms tighter as he asked me why I pulled away. His lips were barely touching mine and I pulled my head away, but he just pulled me back, moving his hand down to my hip. I tried to pull my body away, but his grip was too tight. His hand slid up skirt and caressed my thigh. I squirmed and tried to get away even more, but I couldn’t. His hand slipped between my thighs and caressed the material of my underwear. I asked him what he was trying to do to me when I told him I didn’t want anything like that with him. He just whispered “Shh” against my lips and nipped on my bottom lip so I wouldn’t talk. His hand slid up into my panties and he…he…slipped his fingers inside of me. I told him to stop, but he wouldn’t. He continued and he pressed his lips against mine and moved his tongue into my mouth. I tried to get away and kept telling him to stop but he wouldn’t listen to me. He took me to the couch and laid me down there, I told him to stop what he was doing and he just asked if that was what I really wanted and I said yes. He stopped and just ran off into the bathroom and I just left.

He violated me.

If you know who he is, good for you. If you don’t, please don’t ask.

After all you put me through
You'd think I despise you But in the end,
I wanna thank you
'Cause you made me that much stronger

20 // Walked Away

Date & Time: 02/07/2003 @ 3:47 pm
1 // Walked Away

Date & Time: 01/07/2003 @ 7:44 pm
*Updates for Brandon*
2 // Walked Away

Date & Time: 01/07/2003 @ 5:38 pm
mood   confused

This update isn’t for just anyone to read. It’s for you and you should know who you are. You said the conversation was over last night, but I said I wouldn’t shut up, so I won’t. I’m still waiting for my apology for what you did. I can’t believe you fuckin’ did that in the first place. Then you just walk away with no shame at all. If I were you I’d be disgusted with myself, but you don’t seem to be. I can’t even describe the feeling that went through my body when you did that. I felt even worse when I asked you to stop and you wouldn’t. You said you never stopped loving me, so why do something like that to someone to you say love? Why did you do it when you know I didn’t want something like that with you? I just don’t get it. Why do you still love me anyways? What the hell is it about me? You ask me how I could love someone who is barely around, but how did you love me before when you said I was barely around.

I know you probably don’t want to talk to me right now, or ever. I don’t even know why I’m writing this to you, but I just need my questions answered before we say goodbye forever…

Walked Away

Date & Time: 30/06/2003 @ 12:50 am
mood   apathetic

I think I've been through hell and black during the last few days

1 // Walked Away

I love this song Date & Time: 28/06/2003 @ 1:15 am
mood   numb
music   All Saints - Under the Bridge

Under the Bridge - All Saints

Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
Is the city I live in - the city of cities
Lonely as I am, together we cry we cry we cry

I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love - take me all the way
I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love - take me all the way

I drive on the streets, 'cos he's my companion
I walk through his fields, 'cos he knows who I am
He sees my good day, then he kisses me windy
I never worry - now that's a lie

I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love - take me all the way
I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love - take me all the way

1 time, 2 times, 3 times, 4 times

It's hard to believe there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe that I'm all alone
At least I have his love - the city he loves me
Lonely as I am, together we cry

I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love - take me all the way
I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love - take me all the way

I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love - take me all the way
I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love - take me all the way

All the way
All the way
All the way
All the way
All the way
All the way

2 // Walked Away

Date & Time: 26/06/2003 @ 9:17 am
mood   gloomy
music   Justin Timberlake - Rock Your Body

Sometimes I'm a follower... )

Walked Away

I've been avoiding this update since late last night, but I need to get this all out... Date & Time: 24/06/2003 @ 2:08 am
mood   gloomy

I am so unbelievably sorry for making you leave. That's the last thing I ever wanted to happened, all I wanted to work things out with you. I'm sick of our fighting, I want us to be friends. I know it hurts you to be around me, and it hurts me to know that. I don't want it to hurt anymore, but I'm no Spider-Man Superman. I wish I could do something, anything to stop the pain you feel. The things you said to me last night keep replaying in my head, about how you wished you could pull me aside…and well you know *Sighs, sniffling quietly.* And the last words you said to me…I still don’t know how to react to that. I just wished I tried to stop you from leaving, but I didn’t. You said you can’t stay, and I guess I should respect that. The last thing I want is to lose you as a friend. We have been through so much and I would hate to see it end here and like this. Like you, all I want to be able to do is smile and laugh with you, go to those clubs spots like we use to, but as friends., but it’s not going to happen if you can’t even look at me without feeling hurt. *Brushes her thumb across her eyes lightly to catch the tears forming in her eyes before they fall.* You can’t always run away from things, that is one of the things I’ve learned in life. Your problems will always follow, only on the rare occasion you will get away from it all…

I’m so sorry, I just wish you would come back, but as they say…you can’t get everything you wish for…

1 // Walked Away

Date & Time: 23/06/2003 @ 1:49 am
mood   amused
music   Brandy -"I Thought"

When Aguilera was growing up, her grandmother told her mother that they would be kicked out of the house if Christina got her ears pierced. Everyone else at school had their ears pierced, and it didn't seem fair. Eventually, she had her ears pierced anyway, but it might be true that her grandmother's early refusals planted the idea somewhere in Christina's head that piercing could be your own personal rebellion and private celebration.

When Aguilera was on tour after her first album, she fell into a routine. "If I was having a bad day," she says, "or if something was really getting me down -- boy troubles, whatever -- I wanted to get a new piercing. It was definitely a release for me. Something that made me feel a little more strong or empowered. Because it was something that had to do with me and no one else."

The first of these piercings was a nipple. (Most days, you can't help but notice the outline of a nipple ring on her right breast.) She also has a piercing in her bottom lip and one in her left nostril, as well as a piercing between her legs. "It just seemed erotic in a place that most people wouldn't have the guts to do it," she says. "You hear things like, 'Oh, it will help you reach sexual heights' -- whatever -- but I just think it's pretty. I think it accents things quite well."

The ornament in question is festooned with diamonds. "I don't even know how many," she says. "Because it's going in a special place. It's really beautiful and expensive, and I like it a lot. I've gotten a lot of compliments on it."

I raise my eyebrows, just a little.

"From my gynecologist!" she screeches. "Oh, no! Don't take it that way! I mean my gynecologist and my waxer."

She also says this: "I really like my jewelry. My extra puncture wounds."

3 // Walked Away

Date & Time: 21/06/2003 @ 11:30 pm
mood   refreshed
music   Jewel - "Intuition"

The last week has been…interesting to say at the least. Jayce and I were talking on Tuesday night about some stuff that I choose not to talk about it. Well, anyways, what I said really upset him and suddenly he was turning pale and coughing up blood. I called the ambulance and they took him to the hospital. I followed in my car. Jayce ended up rupturing his ulcer due to stress and pressure that has been put on him. I can’t help but feel guilty because this happened right after I said what I said. I keep blaming myself when he says I shouldn’t and that it’s the record company’s fault. But it is my fault. I caused this.

Jayce stayed in the hospital for about 2 days and I stayed with him. I refused to leave unless it was extremely important. I just slept in a chair beside the bed and kept quiet, all I wanted was to be with him. Thursday night I seduced persuaded a doctor into letting Jayce out. It was quite amusing. Poor doctor thought I was going to meet him after his shift was done. Oh well, too bad for him.

After that we went to a club and danced the night away. He fulfilled a sexual fantasy for me that I had told him about earlier. *Grins.* It was a great night. *Nods.* I hope we get the time to do it again sometime. I enjoyed going out to a club with Jayce. He is the best person to go clubbing with.

Tour is going pretty well. We had a show in Vegas tonight. The crowds have been so amazing, they have so much energy. I went to the casinos with Jayce today. What else are you going to do in Vegas besides gambling? *Laughs softly to herself.* I won about $2000 dollars, Jayce won a lot more. I’m not in it for the money though, it’s all in fun. *Nods.*

Jayce is going to stay on tour with me, but I don’t know for how long. He didn’t really have to stay because I have a break coming up really soon so I can go home and see him. I’m glad he’s here though, I like having his arms around me every night and waking up feeling his breath on the back on my neck. It feels so good just having him here with me. He’ll probably have to go back home a little bit after the first week of July because the babies are released from the hospital then.

“Can’t Hold Us Down” is going to be released sometime in the coming week. The 26th I believe. The video is already out on Launch so go check it out. A lot of people are trashing it, but I don’t really care what they think. They say that I’m trying to be ghetto when I’m not and shit like that. If I cared what they thought I’d be a whole different person. I’m just doing what I love to do and if people don’t like it, that’s their problem, not mine. People have also targeting my “weight issues”. Apparently I’m “too fat” now. First I’m “too skinny” and now I’m “too fat”. I’m totally comfortable with my body image, I admit that I did need to gain weight because there was a point where I was so skinny it looked very unhealthy. But, whatever, I don’t change for anyone.

Justin and I have our own CD single that is only being released exclusively through “Target” stores. The CD includes a brand new song I wrote with Glen Ballard called “That’s What Love Can Do”. included on the CD is the Valentin Club Mix of "Beautiful" and the Freelance Hellraiser Remix of "Fighter."
Justin and I have also shot a commercial for “Target” so look out for that. Here’s a picture of the cover of the CD.

I think this update is long enough, no one will read it anyways so I’ll end if off here.


2 // Walked Away

Date & Time: 20/06/2003 @ 10:04 pm
my lj name means... )
Walked Away



The Girl
The Thoughts
The People
The Pictures
The Past


Full Name : Christina Maria Aguilera
Birthdate : December 18th 1980
Height : 5'2.5"
Hair: Origonally blonde, but now black.
Eyes: Blue
Residence : Los Angeles, California
Past Residences: Florida, Texas, Japan, New Jersey
Birthplace : Staten Island, New York
Hometown: Wexford, Pennsylvania
Parents:: Fausto & Shelly, Jim (stepfather)
Siblings: Rachel, Michael, Stephanie, Casey
Nationality : American Irish/Ecuadorian
Occupation : Singer
Musical Influences: Etta James, Madonna, Janet Jackson, Whitney Houston, Mariah Hobbies : Singing, dancing, movies, shopping, bubble baths, reading, writing
Likes // Singing, dancing, movies, bubble baths, writing, kissing, sex, my dogs, men, woman, bisexuality
Dislikes // Ignorence, the dark, being alone, abuse, negativity
Charities : » The Women's Center & Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh » The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
» The Foundation Fighting Blindness
» MissingKids.com
» Defenders of Wildlife


"Yeah, I don't like pretty. Fuck the pretty."

"I want a bad boy in public, and a pussy cat at home!"

“I don’t sit at home with my chaps on and my knickers showing — unless I’m with my man."

"Who doesn't want to date Justin? But I'm a JC gal myself."

"I think everybody should have a great Wonderbra. There's so many ways to enhance them, everybody does it."

"I love to see a girl with a good booty. Curves are supersexy. The thing I hate is a girl who's got big fake boobs and no butt. I'm like, 'What happened to her?'<
"I'm like an ocean cause I'm really deep."

It just seemed erotic in a place that most people wouldn't have the guts to do it, You hear things like, 'Oh it will help you reach sexual heights' -- whatever -- but I just think it's pretty. I think it accents things quite well."