| bored... |
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| 04:40am 31/07/2003 |
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well i bought some anime...um..i bought the street fighter 2 V collection from suncoast..set me back 80....then i bought the two new DBGT dvds....thats about it...cleaned my room.....washed my sheets...hung out with an old freind...got into a car accident.
lifes fuckin peachy. |
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| yay..another birthday..(cries) |
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| 10:21pm 27/07/2003 |
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mood:  disappointed music: aeriths theme-FF7-nobuo uematsu
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im another year older, another year gone bye that hasnt really had any positive aspects on my life...its weird for the past 2 years everything has been totally downhill. and today is no exception..my so called girlfreind didnt take off work so we could be together so we get to spend 2 hours together tonight and shell be to tired to satisfy me anyway. what a shame...not even my ex called...i just get yelled at on her message board for makinga little joke about her layout. oh well..just another fucked up day. i did get a gameboy player for my gamecube..(thanks dad) a few sleeveless shirts....a TMNT shirt and a nintendo wristband, house of the dead 3, DOA volleyball , and goldmember. and i sit here and realize that i can say that i have only 2 freinds that care, and my father, my mother beleive it or not called me too...i didnt even think she rememberd or even had a clue how old i was..(well she didnt know how old) but its the thought that counts...my sister even called me...and its weird becasue im so used to having her around...especially to cheer me up on my birthday which has never ever gone right since my 18th. i wish myself a happy birthday and tonight when i am doing all the work pleasing HER instead of me..ill be thinking of someone who has always made my birthday bright even though she has never been there....oyasuminasai robyn |
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| holy shit an update..lol |
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| 01:50am 01/07/2003 |
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music: du hast-ramstein-senshuct
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um nothing really to update...um well..yeah...im waiting for an old freind to pop up...*looks at the picture she drew for me*..i kinda miss her alot....and she dosent use her journal like she used too..and well shes supposed to be making me a band logo.
miss miss miss her.
jya na |
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| failure is ALWAYS an option. |
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| 02:34am 12/06/2003 |
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bombed my exam today...BAD..i cant blame anyone but myself...but i really can tbelieve i keep failing at everything i try. now im having second thoughts about going back to school..i mean i know that im not smart. the fact that i have no common sense shows that..and that i screw up even simple things..i can memorize every video game i have ever played righ tdonw to the music and art directors..but y cant i get a damn drink right??oh forget it..it dosent matter its only 500 bucks wasted.
night all |
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| an update..yes an upeate |
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| 06:57pm 23/05/2003 |
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ok it went liek this..i had to get a freind of mine off her ass and on with life. So we met in the morning and didnt get outta the house until like 1 becasue we were watching chasing amy."all any girl be it wife, teacher, nun needs is some deep dicking" LOL..but seriously..it was a horrid day to be walking around.sun sucks..ill update more later...and ..YAY i got a saturn..time for mods and reparis..im gona be in capcom heaven |
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| wow an update. |
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| 10:44pm 12/05/2003 |
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mood:  dorky music: silent hill 2 room 312-silent hill 2 OST
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Well i have been working pretty hard lately and well this week sems to be an overload..YAY...i work from tuesday to sunday and sunday im gonna pull in a hundred becaue its a 9 hour work day..YAY graduation..lol so yeah that will keep me busy..but to pass the time i am watching the metal gear solid 3 trailer....some say its a hoax.see for yourself....http//the-magicbox.com or sumthing...like that..lol...but the trailer is there..and E3 is only a day away so we will see...and i picked up metal gear solid 2 substance for X box...and well i dont see wht the big deal was...it is SLOWER than the PS2 version..although i do like the VR training in first person oh yeah..that would be great..lol..but i got the game for 14 bucks at blockbuster how could i pass that up? and right now i really watn my PS2 back so i can play silent hill 3....oh my god ...its so gorgous...and the music already that i have heard is so wicked...ooh...but yeah no system to play it on....bark...so yeha thats all i been doing......and rockman X7..its on its way......and the new character AXL is (rumored) to be play somewhat similar to Zero from rockman zero...yay a gun AND sword....but X still rocks..and irregular zero rules...just cant wait to see his new armor upgrades. and if you dont agree with me ..but X2 had the best armor design....hell yah!! |
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| i cant beleive it.. |
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| 06:32pm 06/05/2003 |
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mood:  impressed music: Look to the sky(true color extended mix)-Konamistyle
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did you ever feel as though you were cursed? that if some situation were to arise you would act a certain way.? Well i thought i was cursed..or doomed to never be able to control myself around a certain woman. And i always cried wolf i always said"no i wont try to fuck you..no we wont have sex, honest"....to no avail..and today..i actually stoped myself dead in my tracks stalled myself long enough to do the right thing. I am so very proud of myself..(yes I AM kicking myself in the ass seeing as the chick is hot and i LOVE I MEAN LOVE THIS GIRL) I guess it finally showed how much i loved her. Enough to break the mold. To do what was right and not to have her go meet her girlfreind and have her girlfreind smell me on her. I was ruining their relationship and i hope that i can someday stop sabotaging hers..because none of mine since her have ever been as good. Even though we tried and tried and everntually it was me that gave up..(even though i said i wouldnt) She needed me to move on for her to move on as well. And as i sit here and think about what i just did..even though i could have done it with more tact. I have finally proven that i can control myself so maybe we CAN be freinds and just hang out. So yes i do finally understand love...and as i love only so many people ...waht others say to me..and what they do...i know that some loves are fleeting...where as true love is unconditional and forever..even if that person is no longer yours. |
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| im trying again.!! |
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| 01:29am 06/05/2003 |
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mood:  bouncy music: Heaven-Dj Sammy
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YAY i started lifting weights again... man i felt so weak lately. now i feel much better..my arms are all tight and so is my chest. and my tumy hurts...i need to run or sumthign tomora get my cardio up. I hope i get to see a good freind of mine..it would mean alot to see her again.after all this heartache shit i have been going through. i just hope i have the resolve to not do anything stupid...i want her to be happy.and i dont want to ruin anything she has with someone else. well its time to be a good ex. and to not do waht i want to do. and do what i should do. give her advice and just be there for her..
night all. |
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| wounds dont heal. |
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| 06:44pm 03/05/2003 |
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mood:  distressed music: Look to the sky(true color extended mix)-Konamixstyle
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damn..i realized htat i must be getting in really bad shape becasue i got cut the other day.and i usually heal really quick but its odd its still open and bleeding..is that a bad thing?..*wipes keeyboard*..dammit.i just cleaned this damn thing...oh well..i just wanted to let oyu all know i might not be writing in my journal that much becaue i cant seem to bring myself to sit at this computer becaue everytime i do my messengers bring me bad news..now if only my harbingers would bring me GOOD news...
oh and i started watching a series called boogiepop phantom....
its..gooooodddd....
jya ne |
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| Y am i drawing?? |
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| 10:22pm 30/04/2003 |
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mood:  accomplished music: The way you like it-adema
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i dont draw..i cant draw but i decided to work on the bands logo seeing as no one else has stepped forward...
ok thats all i got ot say |
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| i dotn wanna wake up. |
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| 02:45pm 30/04/2003 |
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mood:  amused music: step up-linkin park (unreleased)
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i hate being awake...*drops to floor*.well the cats do it y cant i? |
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| felt like posting this.. |
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| 12:42am 30/04/2003 |
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mood: melancholy music: family guy-cartoon network
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this is an old song..or poem i wrote....i found it..seeing as it was on my sight i dont know how i lost it....but i feel pretty low..so i figured id post it.
Dark Cloud
The hate I feel now as I sort through the lies. Makes the rage fill my eyes. How you could do this I cant understand. My explanation is the knife in your hand. As you lick the knife clean . I fall to the floor. your heart and emotions are that of a whore. You did it just to watch me die. Slash me again as I start to cry. Screaming and cursing your name aloud. Theres no silver lining in your dark cloud. Madness swells as you dance in the blood red streets. Thrust the knife down and revel in my defeat. The stupidity in my heart, soul, and mind. Now making me feel the hate inside. As you lick the knife clean. I fall to the floor. Your heart and emotions are that of a whore. You did it just to watch me die. Slash me again as I start to cry. Screaming and cursing your name aloud. Theres no silver lining in your dark cloud. Illusions of Grandeur I thought were real. My mortal wound will never heal. I tried to become everything you want. Stabbing me again I begin to rot. Never again will I be whole, love lies dead. Left with pieces of your dark cloud in my head |
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| ah..a good day finally. |
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| 07:10pm 29/04/2003 |
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well good day..i talked to someone i hadnt talked to in along time..thas all for you bloggets. |
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| ok can a person do that? |
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| 11:19pm 28/04/2003 |
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mood: disappointed music: aeris's theme(orchestrated)-nobuo uematsu
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can a person say they love you and then a week later say that they just dont feel it anymore? is it for lack of trying?. can they lead you on beleiveing that it is so..and then one moment say they dont feel it anymore? what does that mean? does it mean it was a fleeting futile attempt at sumthign ? does it mean they cant handle it? or does it mean you did sumthign to turn them away>? i have been told by only so many women that they love me and beleived them..now i only beleive one...becaue she dosent hurt me..i have endured all the pain she has to offer..and the last time she said it , i was caught offguard...i wotn beleive anyone anymore...because once a box liek that is opend. a person has to be very cold to close it again. |
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| god damn sons of bitches.. |
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| 02:01am 27/04/2003 |
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mood: amused music: Theme from FF4-Apocalyptica
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i had to dye my hair back to black..i had it green for like 2 days...shit..oh well..i look good no matter my hair color..lol..or at least im trying to get outta this rut i have been in..its like i cant ever catcha break..at least i got a new playstation..even if its a PS one...its sumthing..but then i cant get over something..its eating at me..and i stil dont know what it is...i still harbor feelings for someone...and i was able to override the lust...FINALLY....but it was hard..and i kicked myself in the ass cuz i really wanna get laid..lol....but i want somoen else..i want something more...and shes out there...and i hope shes smiling and thinking of me when she sleeps..*picks a black rose out of my garden.*..she knows what this means.Thank you for giving me this strength.
(clubs are bad when your REALLY horny and most girls wanan fuck your brains out just for being a rockstar..)lol |
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| so bored. |
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| 10:34pm 26/04/2003 |
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mood:  bored
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im very bored.... |
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| oi oi.. |
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| 01:30am 25/04/2003 |
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mood: apathetic music: Street Fighter 2 Guile (R.A.H) Remix-Rayza
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I feel like crap...last night sucked..i mean we sounded ok..but there just wasnt any energy..and there was NO crowd.i know its a wednesday..but come on more than 7 people ...and i knew ALL 7...oi...and only one..(my DAD) stayed till the last set..man i was destroyed...oh well..you live you leanr..i need people to steal there energy and make me move..and really get into it..oh well..night night blogland. |
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| The Day has come.. |
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| 07:16pm 23/04/2003 |
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mood:  anxious music: Ball and Chain-Social distortion
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Bands playing bedroq tonight....oh god..i hope i sound good...everyone and there granyn is gonna be there..its scary..but eh im a rockstar i can take it..lol
wish me luck all.. |
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