Haley

6:34pm: you thought you could get away?
that you could shed me like so many bullshit coloured coats!

this wrench will teach you.
no one ever leaves me.

8:16pm: you can never bleed enough for me

3:34pm: i've forgiven you.
but dont count on it happening again.
the seepage wont stop.
and soon the gauze will need to be changed
i wont be here.
like an old cammaro.
i fly night rides
into sky un heard
i blink, i blur.
yesterdays, never gonna come.
but tomorrow's already gone
its an old line
but its right, half the time.
cant stop this shit
its hit and miss
but mostly miss.
mosters scare themselves
in the water in the drain.
from fizzle drizzle
its inauthentic, its pure
hype in the mines of the hyperactive.
in trash cans and fire fights.
in trite new york city night
i know you
through and through
and i forgive
but i'll let you burn.

10:52pm: i have day dreams
leaking at the elbows and wrists
plummeting
the wind buffets my strength



-~-

if one more person
says i'm smarter than they
i'll sob.

1:29am: im a hemlock warrior.
my self image on high.
but still no one takes notice.
its taken me a while to realize
its really quite pathetic
how unimportant i am.

id and ego shattered

11:41pm: with a mace through the head
i watch the pus dribble out
i know better than to ask
if you're still alive
any answer you could give
would disapoint

7:33pm: he's not even a Lance du lot.
sir robin at best.
i hope you cower
when he rips up your dress.

he's nothing, that i can see.
bad choice this time.
no improvement
over me.

but you deserve him
and i hope he's ready for you.
If i'm a puppet killer
then, darlin, so are you.

11:25am: thorns are for liars
they mask are bottled emotions
for sale to who ever has the money
and lacks the insight


there is a set of cupboards underneath me.
never opened dust bunnies
build thier lives unmolested

what a great place for a bomb.

9:14am: go ahead
smear your skin with ink

you wont get me out that easy.

11:12am: i eat unwashed grapes
i am not afraid of dying.

1:20am: well fuck you,
i'm allowed to be drunk

so angry
at an imaginary event

~-~

i think about dropping off
some photos
but i never do

~-~

i can feel my stomach
it burns for you
in a way my heart
never did.

10:39pm: i have dreams
that come during the day

scenes of dancing marionettes
happy and perfect.

suddenly swung; dashed to pieces
against the glossy ebony stage.

12:23am: your friends are my friends.


this is why i never share my favorite things.

9:54pm: i've abandoned my room.
a hammock in the backyard suffices.


showers tend to be forgotten
when you swim in the morning.

but the bugs are something of a bother.
who knew real vampires would hurt me more.


i probably stink.
my hair is stiff with salt.


but the sweat makes me feel
like the poisons are being leeched away.

maybe i'll build a sweatlodge.

11:24pm: i'm going to have to sell my guitar
maybe i can get an auto harp

the sky tonight was radiant.
I wish i had a Cessna

I would fly into the clouds
that are larger than everest

I would die
and giant spears of electricity.


perfect.

2:13am: I got fired today.
I can finally do hand stand pushups.

it evens out.


I refuse to try to die again.
I also refuse to go crazy again.

I however do not refuse to be sad again.
because being sad is perfectly ok.

11:42am: I'm not handleing inspiration too well
things are promising in life
grad school, a job etc

but its a lot
and i'm not sure i can shoulder it all



i want to be locked up.
and forgoten.

1:55pm: I was right,
the scars are almost invisible.
though my wrists still feel weak.

Yesterday i fell asleep in the pool,
i woke up when my face sunk into the water.
it turns out you'll die of hypothermia,
before you turn into a giant rasin.

1:32am: trust me, I'm more bemused than you
my eyebrow surges into the stratusphere these days
every sentance has an elipsis
or a sardonic glare.

there are fresh cranberries.
but i think we're not allowed to eat them
roger took some the other day
i stood by and watch them beat him

Trust me, I see the big picture
My mind comprehends trends, that you couldn't possibly
the peons working to thier own ends
i mock them all.

1:27am: i havent brushed my teeth in months
i've purchased a dental plaque remover,
you know those fucking spikes
they use to scrape and file your teeth.

it does nothing to keep the yellow out
my teeth are as stained as ever
but no plaque can be found.

Its making crazy
all the time i waste
I'm going nuts
But at least i finally know
Eventually I will have to grow up and go

1:46am: last night i slit my wrists.
very carfully, i missed all the arteries.
the tendons weren't so lucky.
i had some trouble stictching my arm back up.
but i doubt it will even scar.


it doesnt bother me to see my blood.
but the fat beneath my skin,
reminds me of maggots.

2:29am: i hate this rain.

but i played in the salt river.

10:51pm: i didnt go to the show tonight


i was afraid.

11:19pm: sundays help me feel like i'm not really fucking up.

8:42pm: my favorite class is women in history.