Ellen J.'s journal

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Sunday, May 18th, 2003
4:33 pm - Me??? A Hermione?

Which HP Kid Are You?


current mood: hungry

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1:22 am - Boredom
Nothing really happened today. I didnt even study. I just sat in my room, staring at my ceiling glow-in-the-dark stars and just moping around. Just thinking nonsense actually, daydreaming, something like that.

I dunno why I do that and I have been doing that quite often nowadays. Maybe just knowin that the finals are coming just causes me to not study to begin with. Argh. I feel somewhat secure by it or something. I dont have to take the finals. They weren't mandatory. I am only taking them to raise my grade. I just dont want to stress myself out. I mean, I dont want to get wrinkles before the age of 30!

Me gonna find something to do, although I have to be quiet since it's 1:30 here already. Grr.

current mood: aggravated
current music: "work it" by Missy Elliot

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Saturday, May 17th, 2003
2:05 am - Floating on Cloud 9
Tickets bought, plans made... Me gonna be in Hawaii... for more than a month? Ah the poor people I am stying with. They said that if they get sick of me or find me a pain in the @$$, they'll toss me to the nearest coral reef or on the nearest volcano. Help me people!!!

I just sent e-mail to my friends today, asking them if they would like to hang out. I hope we do get to hang out before I go to HI or when they go to other places. Summer is halfway over when I come back and some of my friends could be somewhere else too...

If it werent for this stupid finals I have to take, I wouldnt have to go back to my dorms! I could've been done by last week! Grr. Ahh... the joys of college. At least freshman year is almost over.

If only I pass my finals. *dies*

current mood: crushed
current music: "Like I Love You" by J. Timberlake.

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Thursday, May 15th, 2003
1:14 am - Hawaii! Here I Come!!!
Mom just called a travel agency today and told me that I am going to Hawaii on the 4th of June!!! *dances around* Heh heh. The first summer in 6 years that I am actually looking forward to. Now... what do I get my relatives in Hawaii something from NY? Darn it. Can't think.

Aaah! Clay stays!!! Even with the mistakes, Clay stays!!! *faints*

current mood: happy
current music: "Haunted" by Evanescence

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Tuesday, May 13th, 2003
10:02 pm - Looking Back
I went to visit my high school today. Luckily, half the teachers still remember me. The halls were different since the walls are all green now but yeah, I still feel secure in the school somehow. I dunno. College is just so different. I am no longer really shielded from the real world. I have to fend for myself and I am no longer spoon-fed. Oh well. That's life. Gotta move on.

My English teacher wanted me to subject myself to my college newspaper or something like that. She's nutters, but she is right. I like writing and I might as well get it into a newspaper or something. God help me with the workload I am going to have next term. But oh well. I think that I am going to have an exciting enough summer that I would be energized for schoolwork. Heh heh.

Anyways, that's all for now. I suddenly got an idea for something.

CLAY AIKEN should not be kicked off tomorrow in American Idol!!! Clay should stay!

current mood: accomplished
current music: "Unchained Melody"

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Friday, May 9th, 2003
2:44 am - 'The Prayer of Serenity'
"God give me the serenity to accept the things I can't change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to make a difference."

My first religious journal. It's a first.

I am done with my Geology final quiz today and I think I did well. My Psychology test wasnt that bad. I got 30/50 but I guess it's better than failing. Oh well.

I have a Sociology test tomorrow that I have not even bothered to study for. It's a stupid class and I should have just forgotten about the stupid test. I hate the professor and she's a racist who plays favorites. So there.

Anyway, I gotta get sleep. Nite.

current mood: stressed
current music: Passing Me By by Pharcyde

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Tuesday, May 6th, 2003
12:50 am - Still Breathing
Yeah, still alive, people. I am just chatting now. I am tired of studying for today. That's 150+ pages of Psychology today and yesterday.

Gonna listen to a few songs tonight before I go get some kip. Now, which ones to listen to... Ooh! Dance Music!


current mood: dorky
current music: "I Drove All Night" by Celine Dion

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Monday, May 5th, 2003
9:32 pm - I am dying of boredom
Aye god help me. I am dying of boredom. PLEASE LET THIS wEEK BE OVER wITH!!!

I wanna go home!

current mood: busy
current music: From a Distance

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11:39 am - Lunchtime...
Okay. I just got back from my Sociology class. The Professor is such a b&&&&. I HATE HER!!!

*calms down* Anyway, I've been studying all night for Psychology final test (not exam!). I am going to eat lunch now and I am giving myself a break by reading a few HP fanfics while I eat. Then me going to take a nap and study... then die, maybe. Later.

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Sunday, May 4th, 2003
4:50 am - *cries*
I'm going to Hell because I like Harry Potter!
You like Harry Potter, you scum. It's the deepest
pit in Hell for you.

Your very
existence is a crime against Nature.

Why Will You Go To Hell?
brought to you by Quizilla

The evil, stupid quizmaker!!! *Beats up quizmaker... Aveda Kedevra!!!... loud thump....*

current mood: devious

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4:41 am - What Type Of Anime Character Am I?
You're A Bishoujo (Attractive Young Woman)!
You are loved by all, and you know it. You love
the attention you get, because or your sense of
style, and perfect face. Congrats.

What Type Of Anime Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

current mood: amused

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4:30 am - What swear word am I???
your asshole.

What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

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3:53 am - The Torn Dance Shoes
Here is a "chapter" of my stupid novel. God help me if I even plan on finishing this anytime soon. Anyways, here it is:

It seemed like only yesterday when I peered into the huge glass windows of this dance school I am standing in front of right now. I remember that first time I ever stopped here, my little hands and nose pressed on the window. I didn’t care (or know) how dirty that window was but, at that time, I felt I had to be I as close to whatever’s inside. For some strange reason, at that time, at that age, I knew that was the closest I could ever get to whatever’s inside.

I was only about five years old then. My mom, Monica, her mom Angela and I walked by the same route everyday after school. We pass through this establishment everyday but Monica and I never really noticed it until that one specific day.

Our everyday routine was to go to school, get picked up at about noon and have lunch at the deli-restaurant, Ambrosia’s, beside the dance school. Our moms and the owners were friends and although sometimes my mom was not able to pay for everything, they just keep our tab and let my mom pay for everything at the end of the month when my father sent my mother money.

I usually had the rice, meat and veggie meal but that day, I decided to have a hamburger. Monica had the same. While the moms chattered with Mr. Ambrosia, Monica and I, hamburgers on our hands, walked out of the restaurant door and stopped to look at the dance studio. Those times weren’t as constricting to children as it is now. Then, mothers did not have the need to watch over their children every minute.

As we eat (or rather, have our hamburgers cool in our little hands), we admired the dancers as they jumped, danced and twirled around. I think Monica wanted to be like them as much as I do. In my young eyes, they reminded me of fairies, free of any restrictions or worries, only more life-sized. Their movements made it seem like they were as light as air, as if nothing can get in their way. As the group formed two separate lines, one of the ladies, she was about twenty, looked to our direction, then smiled and waved at us before she

I watched that girl the whole time we were standing there. Our burgers were finished by the time they finished their class and we watched as the dancers walked out of the studio. The same girl I had been watching looked at us and walked towards us.

“Hi there girls,” she said in such a sweet voice that reminded me much of my mom’s voice. “Did you like that?”

“Yeah!” Monica and I answered.

“I wanna be just like you,” I blurted out, feeling my cheeks turn red. I remember the girl smiled as she did the same.

“That is so sweet,” she said as she kneeled to look at Monica and I eye to eye. She took each of our hands before saying, “You wanna be ballerinas eh? Well, it’s very hard but if you take lessons and practice really hard, you can be really good when you get older.” She started to look for something in her gym bag. She pulled out some flyers and two pink hair scrunchies, and gave them to us.

“I want you two to have these. These are my good luck charms when I was younger. I want you two to have it.”

“Thank you,” we said graciously as we placed it on our wrists.

“I am going to be teaching girls your age here soon. If you want,” she said as she pointed to the flyers. “You can give that to your moms if you like.”

“Denise, let’s go,” said another woman, pulling in her car by sidewalk right in front of us.

“One second,” Denise said before turning back on us. “Now you girls go back to your moms, alright? I bet they are worried. You’ve been here for a long time now. Bye.”

When she left our sight, Monica and I ran back into the restaurant, shoving the flyers into our mother’s hands.

“We want to be ballerinas!”

My mom tucked me in bed that night, her face somewhat glum. We had been talking about my possibilities about dinner and she said she’d have to think about it while I change for bed. But I knew right there my mom was going to say no. And she did. Mom said we just couldn’t afford it at that time. And I understood why.

My father was in the east coast because of his job as an editor but my mother and I stayed in Staten Island, New York with my grandmother and Uncle Roger. My father was struggling there and he thought that my mom would do better here in Staten Island since she already had a job as a nightshift nurse. And while she worked those hours, my grandmother watched over me and my uncle Roger was a chemistry teacher at a local public high school.

Because of our financial condition and that my mother insisted that I go to a private school, the budget was already tight as it is and the dance lessons would just make everything worse. I didn’t push it because I didn’t want to worry her.

Monica got the dance lessons since her parents could afford it. Her father was a family physician and her mother was his assistant. Everything was easier for her since they had money and I admit that I was somewhat jealous at Monica.

She had the best toys that every girl our age wanted and had the nicest clothes. Her large room was finely decorated with pink and white tones. She had a nice five-poster bed and she had her own toy-room. Their three-floor house seemed like a mansion and it was well-furnished. I, on the other hand, lived in a rented house across the street. My family lived in the first floor separated from the rest of the house while the owner lived on the two upper floors. My bedroom was small and quite cluttered since my grandmother’s things were also there. My mom and grandmother had a room each while my uncle slept on the couch.

At that age, Monica didn’t seem to mind my financial status. We usually played at her house since we had more playing room and she didn’t mind that we played her toys more than we played mine. She was upset that I could not be in ballet class with her but she tried to teach me what she learned. Because of that, I didn’t mind not getting those ballet classes and being financially stable at all. With a wonderful friend like Monica, who could ask for more?

But as much as I did not want these things to change, the fates decided to become unkind soon enough.

current mood: artistic
current music: "Put Your Back Into It" from Save the Last Dance Soundtrack

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3:42 am - Today is Test Day! Definitely
Lucida Calligraphy - You tend towards the arts.
You tend to stand out in a crowd and have your
own style. Be careful not to be too aloof,

What Font Are You? (Standard Fonts)
brought to you by Quizilla

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3:36 am - Oh jeez. This is too funny!
Daddy: Lucius Malfoy
Lucius Malfoy - Having a daddy who is so concerned
with his families 'rep' isn't easy now, is it?
Your daddy is mean and nasty to you a lot of
the time, and has made if very clear that if
you fail (in *anything*) there will be dire
consequences. As the offspring of Lucius, you
are likely to be cruel, blond, and lets face
it...pretty evil. You have Draco for a brother.

Whos your Harry Potter Daddyyyyy!?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yeah! He's one of my favorite characters. I'd actually rather have him than my real father. How odd, seeing that Lucius is so evil and cold and I'd rather have him as a dad, dont you think???

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3:05 am - I am going straight to hell too!
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the [color=green]Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge![/color]
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Extreme
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Very High

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

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3:03 am - My Supposed Personality Disorders
Paranoid:Very High
Borderline:Very High
Histrionic:Very High
Narcissistic:Very High

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

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Saturday, May 3rd, 2003
8:33 pm - Studying for Psychology Class Test
Aye! Psychlogy driving me psycho. why does it have to be so boring!

As for writing my fanfics, I finally have 3000 words on my epilogue, thank god. Anyways, back to studying!!!

current mood: bored
current music: Complicated by Avril Lavigne

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Friday, May 2nd, 2003
10:48 pm - Stuck!!!
Heh heh, I've been trying to finish the epilogue to the first installment of my Harry Potter fanfiction and it's been hours and I am still stuck with 1500 words. I need 3000!!! God help me.

Anyways, gotta get writing again. Later!

current mood: blah

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