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Ich Bin Der Luder! >=D ( I am The Bitch ) [08 Jan 2005|02:41pm]
[ mood | Ecstatic as Fuckaroni. ]
[ music | Rammstein: Dalai Lama ]

So, in the past three days what have I done?
Got high as fuck. In fact, so high I can't remember a lot of shit that went on.
Went to Peg's house til 4 in the AM, watched Rockstar, and didn't actually end up finishing it.
Now, tonight I'm going to a party to get drunk and hook up maybe screw a guy's brains out.
But a lot of shit is going down at work. Like. Ok. I liked Scott, and Pamela is all on him like white on rice and they went to the club that night, and I stood her up cuz I knew she would have him there and I can't stand him anymore so I stood her up on that. Thankfullyeee. AND. Got Rammstein's new album, Reise, Riese. Love love love it. I couldn't rape myself more. Mmm. Later.

watch me waste away

Time is on your side, it's on your side now. [05 Jan 2005|03:46pm]
[ mood | Insane for your touch x.x ]
[ music | Drowning Pool: Tear Away ]

It's called obsession. It's something I thought I'd never get over wanting someone so much, but it's turning into a sickness I can't rid myself of; no matter what I do.

ob·ses·sion (n)
1. Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.

2. A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion.

I feel sick thinking about him. Like a stain even the toughest bleach can't remove out of the most white shirt I could ever think to own. Only, he's a stain under my skin; pale-as it were. I don't know why I think about him so much. I can't breathe him in healthily enough, I'm guessing. If my want for him isn't obvious, I don't know what would be. I hope it isn't though, but I want him to want me fathomly, as much as I so desperately sinfully want him. My god. What's fucking wrong with me? I hope he works tonight. MY god. He's so gorgeous and sexy looking; no matter what he's doing. OH this is so fucking pathetic.

watch me waste away

My purpose. [04 Jan 2005|06:49pm]
[ mood | Constipation of the Mind ]
[ music | Slipknot: Duality ]

Is to be sure everyone starts to hate me. Or mostly everyone. Teehee.

watch me waste away

I Hope, I Hope, I Hope You Choke. [02 Jan 2005|08:49pm]
[ mood | Throw Them To The Dogs. ]
[ music | Tool: The Grudge ]

So. I had a shitty three hours at work. S was an ass so I returned the favor. I don't like him like him anymore anyway, I guess I can just let shit go. And, so much for best friend shit, I don't have best friends anymore. I guess if I really had a best friend I could trust and tell everything to, then I would have that favor returned back to me, so yeah. If this hint isn't big enough for you to catch onto I'm not even going to explain it. Anyways. I'm pretty much fuckin pissed off, and I guess it's the Jack Daniels talking, but I'm gonna go right on ahead and say it: If you can't trust me don't fucking keep shit from me, just tell me and get it the fuck over with, cuz I'm not a little girl anymore, and I sure as hell am not a pussy. Don't fucking waste my time, cuz it's already wasted enough. Thank you, And goodnight. I'm off to get plastered.

watch me waste away

Amerika ist wunderbar. [02 Jan 2005|03:06pm]
[ mood | Just Call Me Jack. =) ]
[ music | Dandy Warhols: We Used To Be Friends ]

So, I've been out much, lately. Drinking Jack. I've got a pint of him in my closet. ^_^ And I spent the night at Peggy's last night so that's where I was. I feel like I haven't been home in days. Last time I was here, I was only here from 1 am to 9 am on the 1st. Then I came back here, today, at 10 am to shower then went to work and I'm back again until four. Shawn's fiance gave me my secret santa gift, which is three barbells and my secret santa was Charlie, but he keeps forgetting to bring it up here, but I was fine with it. I was glad it was him that was my secret santa, but I don't really know why. His girlfriend's name is Karrion but it's pronounced just like mine is. So, I'm off tomorrow, so tonight I'm gonna drink some more Jack, and I might drink a little in a sec, too. So, I'm off. Later.

watch me waste away

Skrunker than a dunk. Dicker than a sog. [01 Jan 2005|12:55am]
[ mood | More Vulnerable than Raw Skin ]
[ music | Keane: Somewhere Only We Know ]

Four Fuzzy Navel Wine Coolers.
Half a Bud Light.
8 ounces of Jack and Coke.
Yep. It's New Year's Day. And I finally told Scott what I think. Whilst risking everything. Okay, SO I'll never be able to look at him in the same way, but that's alright. I'm sure he won't hate me forever. Maybe. I'm ambivilantly being nauseated and hungry. I just had pancakes for fuck's sake. And, that guy who gave me that crown was beautiful. But maybe that was Jack talking. So, now Kim's calling me Jack cuz I inhaled that 8 ounces in five minutes, and it was the first time I've ever had coke and Jack. I have like a thousand boxes in my car for Beck, and my work clothes are in there but I'm too fucking tired to get them out. And damned if this room isn't on a horizontal ferris wheel. At least I don't feel sick. Happy New Year and Goodnight.

watch me waste away

Thigh High in the Ess Kay Why [31 Dec 2004|06:15am]
[ mood | Swallowing the Sahara Again ]
[ music | Killswitch Engage: And Embers Rise ]

Fuck I'm as thirsty as a bitch. And I've been up since 5 am, mind you I went to bed at nearly 1 am. I can't sleep well lately. Mom and me were supposed to find some good medicine to help me sleep but we haven't yet. and I only have 651 left to pay on my car, thankfully. That's only a check and a half too. ^_^ Anyway, I don't know what I'm doing for breakfast but I'm certainly not going out for it. Maybe I'll get some boxes for Beck and Marc from work. I lent them the rubbermaid ones I can get back, maybe I can get some to them after work. I'm only supposed to work til 3 pm today. Thank goodness cuz I'm so fucking tired. Crap that reminds me. I hope I don't come home drunk as fuck tonight. I know I'll probably update or edit this entry later. We'll see. Later.

A - Age: 20
B - Band: see: “interests”
C - Choice Of Meat: Chicken
D - Dream Date: Being on a Shell Island at night gazing up at a clear sky full of stars and of the moon
E - Excites You: Just about anything these days.
F - Favorite Food: Marijuana Brownies
G - Greatest Gift: Being enlightened – Thanks Mitch
H - Happiest Day Of Your Life: Today. Even though I’m tired as fuck.
I - Internal conflicts: Being thirsty?
J - Jealous: I’m jealous of Scott because he’s just like me.
K - Kool Aid: Every Flavie is my favie. Except for lemon. >_<
L - Love: As long as it doesn’t hurt, I don’t mind it.
M - Most Valuable Thing You Own: Uh. Victoria’s Secret Perfume – Pink. That, and I stole it; not bought.
N - Name: Carin
O - Outfit I Love: Anything comfortable.
P - Pizza Topping: Cheese and olives..
Q - Question I want to ask: Will I find Mr. Right?
R - Roots: Yeah I’ve got those. And crap, that reminds me I left my hair dye at work AGAIN. >_< MOFO!
S - Sport to watch: Bleh?
T - TV show: Family Guy & Witch Hunter Robin.
U - Unique habits: Umm. None that I’m aware of.
V - View from the window: One window sees my drive way and the road, the other sees my side yard and the road.
W - Weather I Love: When it’s not too hot, and when it’s simultaneously raining. Perfecto.
Y - Yesterday's best meal: I never have “best” meals.
Z - Zodiac Sign: Cancer

watch me waste away

Le Sigh... [30 Dec 2004|11:11pm]
[ mood | Oi OI oi to the world. ]
[ music | Soundgarden: Black Hole Sun ]

Okay, so. I'm going to make this short as possible cuz I'm hungry and tired simultaneously. Work was fine. Payday, and found out Beck's going to get a boob job. Crap. I thought she was more mature than that but oh well. She's my best friend I'll back her any way I can. Tomorrow I'm going out to shoot pool with Kim and Saggy. I'm so excited. That and I'm going to get wasted. =O!! My parents know but they don't know I'm going to get wasted. Thank goodness Kim threatened to write us up for giving her kids cigarettes. Fuck that, I wouldn't share. She could write me up for that too. Lol. Anyway. I only lied about drinking, and I might not even do that, it's a maybe thing. And Kim has friends - or so she says - I don't doubt it though. She's my half sisters age (thirty-three) so I don't doubt she'd do it Lol. And my half sister - good god her son is going to be ten this year. In March. That is just FREAK-EEEE. Anyway, I guess I better go get food and sleep. Lata.


watch me waste away

Tell me I'm the only one. I am done with you... [29 Dec 2004|10:18pm]
[ mood | Petrified ]
[ music | Cold: Wasted Years ]

So. Today was fucked up at work. Majorly. I think I really like like S. He keeps saying he's a virgin and will be til he gets married, and we made a vow to each other that we believe each other about that, since no one believes either of us. Stuff like that makes me want to say "Marry me you fool!" Crap. And I thought I didn't like him anymore. Crap Crap CRAP. And P is beginning to annoy the shit out of me. And, Sabbi is favouring me. And, Kim still likes me (teehee^_^) And we're going to get wasted and play pool on New Year's Eve. And Ken thinks I'm "Alright" (Yesssss). And I don't know what everyone else thinks. Stacy calls me Hand bag *insert whole-hearted laughter here* And Seggy Poo and myself joked with S about Pamela cuz she left her hat in his car and I said "You know, that's a sign." And gave a *this is bad* look and he goes "a sign of what?" and gave a freaked out look, and I said, "ask Peggy, she knows." And he did and she looks at me and I looked at her and she goes "Yep. That's a sign alright." And by now he's freaking out and I go "Yep. Pamela wants your late Christmas Presents, Scott." And winked and he goes "Well, She ain't getting any of this cuz I'm staying a virgin til I'm married!" And right about then, my heart, honestly melted into butterscotch cherry flavoured mush. <3 Which reminds me how much I need to fall out of love with him, right now. Or I'll absolutely kill myself. x_x

watch me waste away

Some things are worth losing sleep over. [29 Dec 2004|12:24am]
[ mood | bloodyhorny thats an oxymoron ]
[ music | Sarah McLachlan: Fallen ]

Well, today was eventful, I suppose. Work was fun at least. I had a headache though, and I don't remember where it came from. It lasted from 3 PM to 10 PM, so I suppose it could be classified as a migraine. I don't know why I'm listening to what I'm listening to, but I can't seem to get enough of it right at the moment. And I better go I can feel my migrane and it's moved. I'm thanking mom for the hydrocodone. But she needs to stop giving them to me, Lol. Oi. My hands are shaky. And yes, I did masturbate. I have that right. Felt good damn it. Lol. *Feels her masturb muscles...* *feels proud* Heh. Heh. Heh. And Thursday is payday. And something else is coming up but I don't remember what. Oh well. Uh. The closest thing I can think of is New Year's Eve this Friday. And that my friends may be the day. Teehee. Erm. Goodnight!

watch me waste away

Freeze and hold it. [27 Dec 2004|06:37pm]
[ mood | Kickin it with myself. ]
[ music | Eminem: Puke ]

So I've decided to revel in what I've got while hogging these skittles. My situation could be a lot worse, I should be thankful that it isn't and not take it for granted, I could lose any of it at any second. I didn't go anywhere today. I just stayed home, blazed up on emjay and chilled a ton. Nearly napped, too. See, that's one of the advantages of no one ever calling me with what, twenty people having my number. I know no one wants to call, no one has to say a word, heh. I thought about weird shit (always do when I'm high) but I'll maybe post it later. Ate tons, cuz I got mad munchies. Note: I mentioned skittle hogging. I also have a candycane to eat after. Insert maniacal laughter here. Anyway, Kayce's back off vacation tomorrow, so I'll update later I guess.

watch me waste away

Rise [26 Dec 2004|09:40pm]
[ mood | Let down Broke down Beat down ]
[ music | Cold: Cure My Tragedy ]

Desperate and empty and full of the low
High on the meaning of what
Style and song is killing for life
Nothing is all you can cut

A man made machine
Now say what you mean
Sit down and build us a soul

The red is the black and the black is the red
And the world is an empty hole
The earth doesn’t want me the sky is to full
My fist is a hammer of air
Now I can destroy what you have got
And act like I really do care

Basic and simple
Let’s check out the end
Of sinners and stars and dust
The black is the red and the red is the black
The taste of control is just rust

So today was alright. I don't know what to update much about, so I'll just do tidbits. I got some MJ from PS, and got kinda baked. I'll be smoking more of it tomorrow and I know how to smoke it from a soda can now so it'll be all good. Yeah yeah. And today must have been "leave Carin alone for a while" day, but that's okay, because I was really tired. I'm probably going to go to bed soon. J seemed all depressed over missing someone, but as always he didn't tell me who, so I didn't ask. None of my business. But he is my best friend and it's depressing when he's sad. He stole my Le Sigh, too. Fuck me. I'm gunna cry so before I start I'm gunna go.

watch me waste away

Anniversary Of An Uninteresting Event [25 Dec 2004|11:15pm]
[ mood | Stupoured ]
[ music | Greenwheel: Breathe ]

I can't stand the situation I'm in now. But that's just how things work out sometimes. Christmas was fine I'm supposing, There could always be what are those things called...Improving improvisions. Yes those work. Work is perfect. M called and wished a Merry Christmas today, God I miss him tons. S called last night after I texted, I guess he forgot I had his number. But he wished it as well. Psycho. And me, well I've got allergies out the wazoo. Okay, maybe not that far, but I've had them day in and day out since I got over the big sinus infection. I haven't talked to Neth or Stacy in about a week. God bless, I'm surrounded by too many guys. And I met James, A's ex-fiancè, he was nice, but I'm glad I'll never date him. And I have only $801 left to pay on my car, $96.60 on the cd player I put on layaway for my car. Woooooot!. But I'm gonna shit myself cuz I've just remembered I've my phone to pay for soon. Crap. All this planning and it's just now the night of Christmas. I've so many things coming up! And I'm so glad mum and dad are taking me on summer vacation with them this summer. And on that note, (before I start thinking about too many things) I need to go to bed. Work tomorrow is 9 AM to 2 PM. Maybe I can pinch out some more hours before the day's end. Later.

watch me waste away

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