| To all who it may concerne | |||
| 06:23am 13/09/2008 | |||
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Anyone who wishes to contact me again just write to antti.eskelinen (at) mustalokki.org To sum my life for the past three years. Nothing much has happened since 3 years or so or how long it was again? Last winter the city bought our home and kicked us out. I was homeless for maybe three months in Tampere and Helsinki and live now in a shitty small town not too far from either of those "big shitties". I am engaged to a girl who recently asked me do I still have this thing here and I lied that I dont coz she wanted to see the shit I wrote about her five years back. (Maybe at that point I was a bit too "open" at what I do with my stupid life even though I always thought I left out the worst and the funniest parts.) I dont want to delete this, though I really have no wish to write it anylonger though, who knows. Maybe later again? I still a lot of the people who I met here. Can barely remember your names. Dont think I have never thought of you but I really suck at keeping touvh, especially through computers but I would like to change that some of these days. You never seem to really miss anyone until they really are, gone, huh? Well, wherever, who over. Stay strong, stay true and proud. |
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| Post | |||
| So come on down | |||
| 02:24am 20/10/2006 | |||
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This saturday we are gonna have a band playing in our basement whose ex-guitarist was killed by a stupid nazi who got chaught becausce he boasted about the murder in his blog. plus two others We also have beer |
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| Read 3 - Post | |||
| Take a look... | ||||
| 01:15am 12/09/2006 | ||||
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_type=related&search_query=Smash%20Asem%20Helsinki http://asem.anarkismi.net/index_en.html http://www.hs.fi/english/article/bSUNDAY+109b+Anarchist+demonstration+corralled+by+huge+police+presence+over+100+held+overnight/1135221540413 http://www.mediafaxfoto.ro/photos.php?search%5Btitle%5D=FINLAND-EU-ASEM-DEMO&search%5Bmode%5D=list&search_section=home http://shiftshapers.gnn.tv/blogs/18331/Helsinki_Anarchist_Demonstration_Corralled_By_Huge_Police_Presence_Over_100_Held_Overnight http://www.turkishpress.com/news.asp?id=141308 I am okay however. I was stuck in front of the art museum for maybe three hours and got drunk to pass the time. They told us to move along but they had us completely surrounded so there was no where to go. They didnt arrest me, however though most of my friends got taken away. As I write this, over 130 people got arrested and have been let loose except for one. Another one of those long stories I dont care about writing anymore but luckily I just can paste the medias view. Half thruth might be better than none, I guess. |
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| Read 1 - Post | ||||
| The Waitingroom | ||||
| 07:02am 29/08/2006 | ||||
As I write this I dont know whats wrong with her. Her stomach hurt and she was so much in pain she could not walk. I had to call the emergency number (our 112 is the same as 911 for you yanks) for the first time in my life and it was pretty fucking frustraiting. What they said was that it would be better if she could get to the hospital on her own. Finally there was an fucking ambulance at our place but I dont belive this fucking bullshit! It took me five minutes of staying on hold to get somebody on the line and they basicaly told us to go fuck ourselves! Like if theres somebody having an heartattack, do they still tell you to just get a car and ride to the hospital or if somebody is trying to kill you with an axe, do they tell you to report it personally to the nearest pig station?!?! The funny thing was, they called me back later, when her mom called them and they were pissed off at me!!! But never mind, the ambulance came and I spent four hours by her side, and during that time I saw only one doctor who only told me to fuck off and asked her to piss in a cup. The nurse asked me to go back in later on and I waited until Marias dad came and during that time they didnt even manage to get a fucking blood sample. It might might be an burst appendix, kidneystones and the ambulance guy even said she might be pregnant.. Gee, great. I havent had much sleep. I am worried like hell and I have much less trust to the state of health care these days. And no, I dont blame the nurses, the doctors nor the ambulance drivers. The rich folks can ofcource afford to go to the private hospitals on a fucking limo if they want. But us poor folk dont even get decent service if we call the emergency line. Maybe I should get a job working there. "Do a voodoo dance, you´ll be fine." |
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| Read 2 - Post | ||||
| Of blogs, of mice, of men and whatnot. | |||
| 04:18am 06/06/2006 | |||
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Wonder if I should get my space. Thats what everyone has these days... Nah.... Its not like I started this shit to make friends few years back. Its just one hype after another. And wasnt having a journal about saying whats on your mind and getting it overwith so you can move on, not to just show off to as many of people as you can how fucking cool and pretty you are and how many "friends" feel as smug as you? I dont really know what I mean, and I doubt nobody really cares. I mainly started to write here again because someone who used to be dear to me said she still reads my shit. Thanks. But. Having a journal was way more cool when they started to call them "blogs". And before everybody had one. Hah! Now it almost seems to be sort of underground to have this age old blurty, where most of my old friends stopped writing years ago. I also got livejournal once, but I should take it off... I intended it as an photojournal but got of sidetracked when my camera was stolen by this cunt. I could go on about that more but whats the use. You see something you like, you take it, someone else sees sees something he/she likes you use, it gets taken. I broke someones nose, I get my nose broken by somebody else later. But I have seen it all before, in many forms. Someday you do something, then your friends think its not cool anymore, then you see you are alone and you go after your friends to do what ever they are doing. If you stand your ground, doing what you really wanna do yourself, you just end up lonely and miserable. But no, I didnt have a point today, and I doubt there will be one later. Oh and please add me! I will suck your cock/lick your pussy if you do! Honest! Or whatever your poison is! I wuw you all... honest. Oh and P.S. I dont know if I look like that guy in the pic anymore, take a look at yourself (from my irc-galleria, the bullshit website every finn has theese days and is totally hooked on to... lol ihq) http://irc-galleria.net/archive.php?nick=_Brigandpunk_ |
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| Read 6 - Post | |||
| Live, learn, age and forget | ||||
| 10:32pm 02/06/2006 | ||||
I have no wish to go anywhere butit sort of still sucks to be here, just me and Skun... guarding the house. Dont know whats wrong with me. No matter what I do or dont do I feel irritated and bored at the same time. I got two canceled band rehearsals this week. And played one, with just me and the new drummer of my ancient band that ha never gone anywhere. He played the drumms, I sang and played the guitar which I have never done before in my life at the same time. And was urprised how good it went. I have not played the songs I have wrote after I have composed them and shown them to the band and I have trouble concentraiting to do things at the same time. But I remembered everyting and it had been six months since I played those songs with anyone. When we opened the Murder Junkies and I was so wasted I can hardly remember anything of it. After that our previous drummer started to have second thoughts about me and the cunt was too chickenshit to play with us anymore and cost us a lot of fucking time. Tomorrow he plays in this town and I still want to break his wrists but whats the use. Everybody hates our band, even most people who have played in the band has hated us, and me. And the two other bands I have, well... I love the new one although its not me but we dont get to rehearse much becausce our drummer works all the time and the other one, well... we had to chancel shows becausce our guitar player went to the loony bin and didnt bother to tell us about it... I love to make music but I hate making it with other people |
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| Rules of conduct | ||||
| 11:45pm 30/05/2006 | ||||
-Put the food in the fridge. (Ok.) -Open the door, dont lock it, put the key in the nail (Ok...) -When I go to sleep: I make sure the tv, stoves and so on are on the OFF position. (As Always...) -the keys ARE inside (Yes!) -the furnice IS OFF - and the lids are shut (Yes...) -No food outside - so you dont atract any bears! (Ofcource!) - Everyday - Always!! -The boys are not allowed to play with the rifle, or any such dangerous objects. (-So the girls are allowed? Too bad I couldnt find the bullets.) -the stoves will be shut after use -put the cigaretes in the ashtrays -keep the keys safe -no horseplay (what?) -put the trash in the trash (sure.) -Waltsu is not allowed to jump head first in the river. (mm... okay) - And Waltsu is not allowed to drive after drinking beer (but after dtrinking vodka? and after all the drugs we took?) -Antti (that is me) is nice and Waltsu is to take after him (like everybody should) - No sauna ( fucking greeks!!!) - Put wood to dry in sauna. ( Why? You didnt even allow us to heat it! ) - Keep the place clean and no scaring the neighbours/nor the animals. (why do you people have sauna in the first place! Well, not like this has anything to do with it.) - Remember to eat! (Yeah, yeah...) - Dont get lost in the woods! (Its pretty hard, unless you are too stupid to even heat up a fucking sauna.) AND BEFORE YOU LEAVE MAKE SURE THE FIRES ARE OUT!!!! (Okay already!) -Drain the water (ok) -Sweep the floor (done) -Put the sheets in the wash (umm...) But hey, it was great, just a few of us in the middle of the woods and we managed not to kill each other. Though when I was a kid, the life in the forrest was way more harsh... but that might as well be another story. Shit, after you get to read stuff like this, I think none of us is really trusted enough to survive a few nights a few kilomiters away from the closest shop. And I have been an adult a pretty long time now... But I guess if any of you have kids one day, they will have even less knowledge of survival and nature. And there will be way more less to teach em unless you do it yourself! And the less I write to this blog the shittier my english gets. |
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| Read 1 - Post | ||||
| Mayday, mayday... | ||||
| 08:47pm 13/05/2006 | ||||
"We were beaten like pigs." (sic) "We got our arses kicked 0-6" Not to mention how all the people trashed all those yuppie cafes and the center of Helsinki... to say the least, things have been pretty hectic. And I cant really tell you guys what I am thinking. I still havent figured it all out yet. But yes, what the local gutter press called "a night of horrors", I was there. And no, I am not ashamed though I didnt expect the whole event to turn out as nasty as it did. I am s till very surprised. There will be an arcticle about it on our local punx paper. And if you pigs are reading this: You beat up people who tried to negociate with you peacefully and after that if you got your arses kicked, it was your own damn fault. Its too bad nobody cracked your fucking skulls you fucking pig dogs!!! http://www.theoppressed.co.uk/lyrics/lyrics.hooligans.jpg |
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| Read 1 - Post | ||||
| Helsinki | ||||
| 11:56pm 26/04/2006 | ||||
I hate every fucking part of town, I hate every fucking cop, every shop and anyone who ever stood on its ground. I hate every street, every building, every one who stood within it, everything it ever stood for... I fucking HATE HELSINKI! I hate the east side and the west side too. Everyone who has lived their life here and who are new. I hate the swedes, the finns, somalis and gypsies too. Hate the christians, muslims, mormons and the jews. Aint worth the fuck to live around here, but I am stuck here anyways. So I just squat and wait for them let us out of our misery. (You think your town sucks?) |
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| Read 2 - Post | ||||
| Hymyile nyt, itke myöhemmin | ||||
| 12:38am 18/04/2006 | ||||
 This here is our livingroom.  Some random people in my room.  Me and kurppa.  Maria and me.  Peppi, some friend of hers, myself and Kurppa.  And this here is yours truly, wasted, ugly and fucked up more than ever. Things have not been great for Helsinki punks lately. Within a week, we are losing Vuoritalo. The only decent place we had for all ages shows, where we did not only have a venue but a hangout place, bar, rehearsalrooms for many local bands, the office for local anarchists and storage. The last show is next weekend, after that we have to be gone. We had it coming but I just still cant belve it. Ofcource, we oldsters who ran it have new plans already but it will take time to get another decent venue and there probaply will never be anything quite like it where we had it all under one roof. And to top it all, some assholes broke in there few nights ago and stole all the beer, the money and equipment. The janitors who usually were on guard there 24/7 had moved out just a few days ago so they had all the night to carry the stuff out. My theory is that there is a rat within the scene who if not didnt do it himself, tipped some people about it. Otherwise they would have been just way too lucky. No outsider would have ever pulled it off. And belive me. When they are chaught, they are gonna pay big time. We were too cocky when we thought that nobody wouldnt even try to fuck with us but when we get our hands on them they will pay the price. Especially the rat if there ever was one amongst us. It is probaple it was one of the junkie types. Our chances of finding them are pretty good since you cant sell most of the stolen stuff without us noticing. If they try, it will be a mother of all boot parties. Back home here, we have been in mourning. Amen, one of our dogs passed away. Pipsa and Maku went on tour with their band Ristisaatto and took their one dog Kalma to Tampere to their friends to be taken care of and Amen to a dog care center of some friends of Pipsa Somewhere in the countryside. After a short while she escaped and was run over by a train. She will be missed. She was barely two years old. After her, one of our rats passed away of old age and one of the cats was in a fight and has been in poor health. Luckily she wasnt hurt that bad but it has been pretty grimm. And not only that, there has been a lot of arguments here within the people over stupid little things. Its just so sickening that we are at each others throats all the time.. I have made promises to Maria and I am not sure I can keep them that well but I try my very best. Being with her has calmed me down a lot and I dont even feel like doing all these nasty things that I used to. Not that I have changed all that much, maybe I just try to be more sensible. But as she knows, old dog cant learn that much more new tricks. I love her much but I havent been much with a "nice" girl like her before. Most girls I have been with have been nasty psychos with more problems you can think of, but she is so much different. All I hope is she can put up with me. Since I am not a nice boy. Nor will I ever be one. Today, when I thought she was really pissed off at me and hung over, I walked her to the bus stop. It was raining but the rain really made us feel good. It is hard to explain, but suddenly we were both smiling and we walked furter than we planned. It was the first real rainy day of the spring. We got wet but happy. The rain smelled so fresh. Man, I can still remember her smile. But enough for now. |
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| Read 7 - Post | ||||
| Konksis konksis koira metsään menee (Sipu sapu sipu sapu kotihin tulee...) | ||||
| 06:29pm 17/03/2006 | ||||
Well, I have to be now that I think of it. One of our dogs, Pimppi, has ran away again. Well, she has done it a dozen time past month. The problem is she wont let you catch herself, she comes back after she gets hungry or tired, not a moment later. If any one of us goes and tries to call or catch her, she runs away. What she does is sit in the front of our yards gate, barking at passers by or chasing them down the road. So if the locals hated us before, they really do now since every other day we have a dog running around our street and scaring the shit out of em and if we run after her, we look pretty stupid since she wont obey one bit. And if we dont, we look equalliy bad. Also today there would be a gig at Vuoritalo. I have seen all the bands, I feel lazy as hell and dont feel like going. Well I have to be here for the dog and my girlfriend Maria is also coming over. (Not that psycho cunt on the pictures I posted the last times. Just to set the record straight) We havent had much time to be just the two of us lately. There are so many of us living here now and since my asshole roomies banned smoking in our living room, there are always people barging in my room to smoke. So its not such of a bad thing to have the house for just the two of us for awhile. What is bad is that we are losing Vuoritalo soon and I should see every show I can there, I know I will be sorry later and today there would be Distress from Russia too. Solid GBH/Discharge type of group. Well, they look even more like postcard punks than I do... they are nothing all that original... I have seen them already.... but their guitarist was killed by nazis in november... but me going to a gig wont bring him back. Sadly. But this year I have spent WAY too much at home. Well, during the winter there aint much where to go and I have started to hate bars and Helsinki bars have always sucked. Me and Maria see each other every day now, so I cant leave town like I used to anymore because... well, I would miss her too much. And its still way too cold to hang outside just for kicks and well, who would you meet there anyway. Everybody stays inside. So yes, I am bored, sick of myself and everything, but all in all I have it pretty fucking good these days. And once that dog gets back inside I am going to shoot it. Now to watch her chase the yuppie joggers from me window. And sorry for not e-mailing, its my own fault entierly, but I try to do it, honest... |
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| 02:57am 05/11/2005 | |||
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Theres no place like home. So why am I still here? |
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| Read 4 - Post | |||
| The story of my life... | ||||
| 10:08pm 28/09/2005 | ||||
Ok. I could say that my band Kävelevä Räkä is gonna open up for the Murder Junkies in Helsinki next month. Well, I got a real kick about making it official and I was really glad. So who are they? Ever heard of GG.Allin? No? Never mind then... Is just that before two weeks ago, we hadnt played live in over year and a half. We are gonna play again this month in tampere and I have high hopes about the gig. The show two weeks ago, I didnt want to do it but since we were swindled, we played it anyways and people loved us. I dont get them, I puked on stage twice and that was not part of the act. The first time we played at that venue, 3/4 of the audience left after four songs. Now... nobody left, the crowd was huge though nobody dared to come too near the stage. Go figure? I fucking hate gigs. I wanna stop rehearsing for the gigs and go to the studio to record our new material. But nevermind. Still no ID. I am too fucking paranoid and too damn fucking poor to get myself proper ID. But what the hell, I get by but honestly, I need em SO FUCKING BAD!!!! Whitout them, I cant do shit thats even somehow honest and decent and whatfuckingnot...If I go down this track too long, its not gonna get me anywhere I really want to be. I had fun a week ago though, at the national anarchist convention. Maybe the fact that the only finnish punk bar was way too close didnt doo too much good on the event. Well, too bad, maybe we should ponder about the subject which things are important and what are not, but who am I to judge. Disapointment and disillusioment, if you dont get that at times no matter what you belive in, what challenging is there in your belives? |
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| Read 8 - Post | ||||
| Short and sweet. | ||||
| 12:24am 03/08/2005 | ||||
I am still here and have not changed. The cops chaught me a month ago but I doubt anyone who has read the whole story about it now reads this. But if so and anyways, they let me go after two days. So it wasnt a big deal. So now I am totally legit. Or whatever. Nevermind. Last weekend I saw some really rad bands at puntala festival. Last year there were maybe 800 people, now it was well over 1500. Which is rather good for a country this small and for a diy festival. Lots of foreign people too. From germany, sweden, england, poland, USA, Russia, Estonia and more... lets just say it was cool. Personal wise, mmm... I dont know. I have been worse. Everything is a fucking mess, but I dont have time to care. I miss all of you. Where have you all gone?  Rapture. Most recent photo of me. And I hardly look like that skinny little guy on my user pic anymore, though I still wear the same jacket. Ha! |
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| Visual. | |||
| 01:27am 21/05/2005 | |||
Ok, I have some fairly recent photos. There you go.    Just dont fucking ask! |
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| Read 14 - Post | |||
| Taste the fist, taste the boot, smell my cum and screw fucking you. | ||||
| 12:50am 21/05/2005 | ||||
My stupid skinhead roommate owes me 80 euros for unpaid electrical bills. If I hadnt paid for it, they would have cut us off. He got his money, he ran away and I havent seen him in three weeks. If he ever comes back, I slice his throat. And even if I dont, he is fucking banishesd. I am done sticking up for him, making excuses especialy now when he only shows this much respect in my way. Fuck you. You be DEAD motherfucker, you hear me?! Otherwise, I lost my wallet two months ago. After that, yeah its been sort of nice living without even that recongition from society that I even excist.... I mean, fuck that. Still here, am I not? Barerly... I hate that fact that I never have money as it is, I hardly need these scumholes to remind me about it. If he is a former torpedo he should know about these things... either that or thats the reason he hasnt had the balls to show his face in town in three weeks already. Only too bad. But having to live on the outskirts hasnt been that bad, really. I dont mind, I really dont. I never do, and I never will. Honestly. |
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| 11:37pm 03/03/2005 | |||
| Sometimes instead of thinking about ending my life I just pretend I am dead. Today was one of those evenings. | |||
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| Once again, nobody had a problem except for me. | ||||
| 09:21pm 22/02/2005 | ||||
Well, Joni and I had all sorts of funny plans to use our common sense if we would get bored or something. Like giving them hippies the old ironbar justice, stealing their money and their drugs, using scissors on them since they obviously cant themselves and all that jazz. But we didnt get bored. In the end of the day we were just too damn.... Lets not go there, shall we. But they knew we were opossed to this when they agreed to these people to have this. And we havent changed our views but... and... More people showed up at work than we were prepeared so we didnt get as much beer as promised. But hey, so what? There were no fights, nobody tried to steal anything, nobody tried to fuck with us and we actually sold more beer than we thought we would. And soda pops. And the house is gonna get a good cut of the action. So everything was worth it afterall. Not to mention we got the thumbs up from the people there. Actually, I havent been thanked so many times during my shift before. And so on... But if you ask me. This was the first and the last time. Didnt this place get rented becausce there was no decent place to have PUNK shows? The history has shown that if you give your little finger to them, they will eventually take your whole fucking hand. So when is the next DECENT show, then? Hmm...??? |
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| Read 4 - Post | ||||
| From the septic tanks | ||||
| 05:49pm 18/02/2005 | ||||
I know my journal has been to put it bluntly rather boringt for long time and I havent written it much anyway. Main reason for this was that Mari told me I shouldnt write about her here and it was kinda hard not to since I spent all my time with her for the past three or four months and most of it at Tampere. Well. I dont have that problem anymore. She lost her place some time ago and moved in with me here with us in Helsinki. She never was really happy here but I guess it was her only choice and the original plan was that she would be here for two months. She found a new place in tampere rather quickly and well, two weeks ago she came for her stuff and dumped me. Her reasons? Well, I only have a small clue. When it was offical she was leaving me, I didnt want to discuss it. I just went to the gas station and bought enough beer to get me drunk enough so I wouldnt have to think about it. She just took her stuff quickly and was out of my life. I am not angry at her since unlike some girls I have been with she had enough heart to dump me in person, offered to talk about it face to face and face sympathetic towards me. But I didnt want to talk, I am still not sure if I wish to. What difference does it make? I am just so fucking sick of this bullshit and lately, my feelings towards women ingeneral have not improved. From that on I kept so fucked up 24 hours a day I havent even thought about it much. Yesterday was my first day sober since the break up so I had to think about it for the first time. What I learned? I love her and I miss her and wish she would come to her senses. Its just too bad that I had been pretty straight before all this. I drank maybe once or twice a week and not as much as usual. After, well. I just have been coping the way I always cope with tragedies. And dont you think that I blame her for my problems with substance abuse. The choice is always mine. Though on the plus side I have been more active than usual. I have had band rehearsals, AT-meetings, VT-staff meetings and just hanging around at Vuoritalo-club wich I missed so dearly when I was in Tampere. Though I have to say I havent been very happy about the things that have been made while I was away. In Tampere there are now as much as three gigs a week at their club Vastavirta. We have maybe one or none now and somebody even agreed to let these dumb fucks arange a psyche-trance night there. And since nobody voulenteered guess who is one of the dumb fucks who is going now. Atleast I get enough beer for this shit... Speaking of which I got to hurry this up. I have to leave there soon. I have been sort of happy that I finally get to put in some work. To do what I love and stay at places that are dear to me, I actually am amazaed how much I have actually accomplished though its pretty obvious I am in a state of morurning. I am just afraid the blind rage will hit me sooner or later. I have also seen myself turning more and more cynical and mean and I doubt that I can afford it. I am like that enough as it is and it really shames me how rude I have been to my few friends lately. No sense to dwell in it, I guess. Okay. Now I gotta be leaving. I get to spend the whole night, from dusk till dawn, listening to stupid techno crap and guarding the office from these hippy dippy meat heads. So I just cant wait to leave already. Bye for now people. See you when I am done trippin. |
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| You got the wrong idea picking on a friend... | |||
| 02:37am 11/02/2005 | |||
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I ask your forgivness for not updating. And writing boring shit when I did but you know what. Helsinki punx will prevail. Yes, I was not born here but I have seen those punx who did cant fight. So fuck you. Do you read my shit? Does this piss you off? This is an open challenge. I dare anyone to come and I mean anyone and fight me! I havent had a good fight in ages and I need to see fucking blood! I hear from my friends about the bullshit you speak behind my back but not anyone of you pussies has the balls to say anything to my face, ever. Please do and I will shove my fist so far up your ass that you will squeal like the bitches you are. Tulkaa saatana koittaa mun kanssa, vitun huorat. Mä lupaan että mä leikkaan teidän päät irti ja nussin teitä kaula-aukkoon. Vitun pelkurit! I will come back tomorrow. |
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warriorpunk |
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Friends Info Calendar My band |
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| Backward | ||