Blurty for Something Incongruent.

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Tuesday, January 11th, 2005

Time:10:47 am.
updateness
eyes glued shut.

Monday, November 15th, 2004

Time:5:13 pm.
yeah... life.
eyes glued shut.

Sunday, October 17th, 2004

Subject:hey
Time:4:47 pm.
i keep forgetting about this thing because i have a new journal in LJ.. add me if u want.. its BrownButtonKid
eyes glued shut.

Friday, October 1st, 2004

Subject:Love
Time:9:37 pm.
Mood: loved.
Music:Can You Hear Me? - Don't Look Down.
John told me about this old woman who called the bakery... ordering a cake for birthday and her name was Annmarie... spelt the same way as i spell it. He said they started talking about me, how he knows someone who spells it the same way and when she came in to pick up the cake he said she was the most adorable little old lady... this is what he told her about me....

BobbyJames23: just how your such a beautiful person and how whenever i see you my legs get a little shaky and i get tongue tied cause im in awe of you and how no matter how bad of a day i had even just getting a message from you makes it all better and then she grabed me and said sweetheart your in love
she said i had this huge smile while tlaking about you



that got me a little bit teary eyed... it's so beautiful
eyes glued shut.

Sunday, September 19th, 2004

Subject:School
Time:7:44 pm.
Mood:better.
so ive been in college for like 2-3 weeks now and its going pretty well. All my classes are good minus all the homework ive been getting and my totally awesome roommate Mel and i get along great! We made friends with Paul and Jess... and with Jess's roommate who is also a jess but we dont get along with her much cuz she lies to us and makes fun of us in her online journal. Anywho... just wanted to update.. its nice being away from home and on my own doing my own thing... i can finally be free... oh well.. i have hoooomework. :o)
1 blinked again - eyes glued shut.

Friday, August 27th, 2004

Subject:Best Night Ever
Time:9:16 pm.
Mood: ecstatic.
Music:Pitter Patter Goes My Heart - Broken Social Scene.
Today i woke up and treated my little sister and my cousin christine to breakfast.. which was amazing. Then i got my haircut from Pam and then i came home and relaxed for a little bit.

Tonight i picked up Jordan and we met up with Tom at Panera. We had so much fun laughing and having dinner together... Then we went to the salvation army where i tried on this big red balloon and silver sequenced gospel choir kinda thing... and a wedding gown that smelt like rotten pickles. We tried on funny sweaters, mink coats, sports jackets and everything else you could ever possibly laugh at in the salvation army... people thought we were nuts but we had so much fun. I bought two cute button down sweaters and Tom got a very cute white sweater with a sports letter (P) on it... he looks like a flashback of John Travolta in Grease when he dresses all different for Sandy... it looks adorable on him lol. Then we went to Friendlys and had some ice cream and some more laughs and then we finally went our separate ways. This truely was a night that i needed... i haven't been out and had a good time in over 3 weeks and tonight just... topped off my whole entire summer... it was so much fun and i wouldnt trade it for the world. It was just what i needed and now i can just rest and relax and finish getting ready for school... my one night of fun... with the two greatest gay guys in the whole entire world :o) I love my boys haha.
Anywho so that was my awesome night to end the summer... now im off to take some pain killers and get some rest haha. Goodnight moon. :o)
eyes glued shut.

Friday, August 20th, 2004

Subject:bleh
Time:8:29 pm.
i have mono, spent a good amount of time in the hospital but im doing a bit better now...
my family is moving to michigan, im going to school in jersey... it's exciting...
bleh... life is so weird sometimes... but as it was put by jon middleton... "when life deals me lemons i make orange juice"
eyes glued shut.

Monday, August 9th, 2004

Subject:..
Time:10:53 pm.
i love him... but i cant be with him because he loves me so much i know i'll end up hurting him and if i hurt him its going to hurt me so much and i dont want to lose him... his love for me is so strong and innocent but i know i'll mess something up cuz i always mess something up and i dont want to lose this i dont want to lose him... it hurts to hold this inside... i have to somehow tell him before i leave for school... i shouldnt be getting this worked up cuz im sick with mono... i gotta take it easy...
eyes glued shut.

Sunday, August 8th, 2004

Subject:bla
Time:10:44 am.
Mood: sore.
im sick... really sick... i have Mono and its hit me pretty hard. I feel horrible... im gonna go lay back down.
eyes glued shut.

Subject:bla
Time:10:44 am.
Mood: sore.
im sick... really sick... i have Mono and its hit me pretty hard. I feel horrible... im gonna go lay back down.
eyes glued shut.

Saturday, July 10th, 2004

Subject:Michigan
Time:5:16 pm.
Mood: artistic.
My dad didn't get the fire chiefs job in new hampshire but now he is one of the finalists for the opening in Mt. Pleasant Michigan... i don't want to move to michigan. That's over 700 miles away from here... home... where all my friends are... but then again i don't have many friends so it probably wouldn't make a difference anyway. I should probably just leave and forget about it all.
eyes glued shut.

Wednesday, July 7th, 2004

Subject:I can't believe what i do...
Time:9:29 pm.
Mood: sick.
Music:Nada Surf - Inside Of Love.
John is home from england and we went and saw spiderman 2 together even though i already saw it. He gave me cute stuff from england including the british flag ive always wanted lol. I feel so sick right now... i think i'm doing okay but sometimes im just not so sure... i dont have many friends left... but that's okay i guess... i mean im leaving for college anyway and my parents want to move... right now michigan looks like my new home... oh well. I can't stop them from moving so i just have to go with the flow of it all...
I really don't feel well... i'm gonna go see if my mom will give me one of her sleeping pills so i can just go to bed and end this day.
eyes glued shut.

Subject:I can't believe what i do...
Time:9:29 pm.
Mood: sick.
Music:Nada Surf - Inside Of Love.
John is home from england and we went and saw spiderman 2 together even though i already saw it. He gave me cute stuff from england including the british flag ive always wanted lol. I feel so sick right now... i think i'm doing okay but sometimes im just not so sure... i dont have many friends left... but that's okay i guess... i mean im leaving for college anyway and my parents want to move... right now michigan looks like my new home... oh well. I can't stop them from moving so i just have to go with the flow of it all...
I really don't feel well... i'm gonna go see if my mom will give me one of her sleeping pills so i can just go to bed and end this day.
eyes glued shut.

Saturday, June 26th, 2004

Subject:oh my
Time:12:10 am.
i need to keep this thing going...
so i graduated high school...
john is in england for 18 days.. he should be back the 1st of july.
once i started feeling better about myself and ready to move on with a new relationship... jordan popped in out of nowhere and now i feel like gum on the bottom of someones shoe... all over again...
i dunno it's just weird...
i'm updating.
eyes glued shut.

Monday, May 31st, 2004

Subject:bla
Time:5:55 pm.
i had my prom this weekend.
the after prom stuff was wonderful... i didn't get drunk or anything. I had the option to get wasted but i chose not to and i know im never going to regret that because i had so much more fun being with some of my other friends and having a good time without alcohol.
I just wanted to save my journal... im sorry i don't write anymore. Life is just... well... a crazy experience. I don't know... everything is weird.
I graduate june 17th.
that's all.
eyes glued shut.

Thursday, April 22nd, 2004

Subject:oh boy
Time:5:22 pm.
i was cleaning my room today and i decided to get rid of some of the bags i have. I own many bags and i never use some of them so i donated them to the salvation army since i shop there enough anyway. While doing this i checked the pockets of them all.. and i got to my old backpack... and there it was. I thought i got rid of everything jordan has ever given me but i guess i didn't. I used to laugh at his work tie all the time (he worked at mcdonalds) and one day he just finally gave it to me so i could laugh at it more... the tie was hilarious.. it had french fries on it!... but looking back its not so hilarious...
that was my day... im pretty out of it now... considering i never wanted to find that... a part of me still misses him... then again a part of me will probably always miss him. He was so beautiful... everything about him was beautiful... his eyes were so big and deep... god i loved those eyes.. and his smile would make my day... it made him look so pure and innocent. He had that perfect jawline... like jonny depp but he was much skinnier.. kinda scrawny... and his hair was so much fun to play with. It's been over a year now since the break-up.. since he's cheated on me... but i know these thoughts wont go away. Im stuck with these for awhile. That boy has forever changed my life.
eyes glued shut.

Tuesday, March 30th, 2004

Subject:John
Time:2:50 pm.
Mood: blah.
Music:Weezer - Dopenose (live in hartford).
it's been a weird day, but no matter what he seems to make me feel like im so amazing. He makes me feel like I'm a princess or a movie star. He tells me all these wonderful things and gives me such wonderful gifts yet I still stay confused. The show is this weekend. It's my last musical at my high school... i can't wait for opening night on friday. Oh well, enjoy.

MissCharIieBrown: you know those days when you feel like you're not good enough... even for your friends? yeah... it's one of those days... im back up at the school getting my hair done by karissa who rocks... just leave some
BobbyJames23: thats silly your good enough
BobbyJames23: your one of those people that you can never be upset. your beyond good enough for everyone your that one who keeps an eye out everyone your the one person that will somehow make a difference
BobbyJames23: you effect people your annie
BobbyJames23: i know im a different person for knowing you im a better man
BobbyJames23: now i dont know if what im saying makes any sense maybe its all the pain
BobbyJames23: all im saying is your something special and uqiue and anyone who doesnt make you feel like your good enough fuck em
BobbyJames23: your superwoman there isnt anything you cant do and if any tells you otherwise dont let them stand in your way.
BobbyJames23: i hope you listen to my bable and if its anything im still amazed i ever got the chance to meet you because your like something out of a story something magical
BobbyJames23: enough of my babling for the day
BobbyJames23: have a nice day
eyes glued shut.

Wednesday, March 17th, 2004

Subject:survey
Time:4:47 pm.
[same crap]
name;:Annmarie
do you like your name;:yeah its okay
middle name;:dont have one
do you like your middle name more than your first?;:^
birthdate;:in april
age;:17
wish you were still..;:7
shoesize;:8 1/2
do you act your shoe-size?;:at times
hair color;:dark brown
every change the color?;:yes
whos hair do you wish you had?;:audrey hepburns
eye color;:dark brown
what color do you wish they were?;:green
height;:5'4"
want to be taller or shorter?;:dont care
what do you like most about your body?;:smile
least?;:everything
would you have plastic surgry? [sorry if there are spelling errors]:no
[your favorites]
name;:May, Gordo, Lucy, Lucky
song;:anything
band;:everything
album;:weezer blue album
movie;:too many
place;:maine
season;:fall
time of day;:twilight
radio station;:none
genre of music;:everything
teacher;:mr ravita
class;:music theory
sport;:eh
drink;:shirley temple
food;:chocolate covered strawberries
candy;:starbursts
gum;:bubblicious
cartoon;:family guy
show;:SNL
tv channal;:comedy central
color;:all
friend;:too many
celebrity;:dont know
website;:homestarrunner.com
place to be;:maine
[love exc..]
your sexuality?;:straight?
do you have a 'someone';:no
if not, a crush;:used to, working on not anymore
if you have a crush do they know;:they once knew
do you want them to know;:dont care anymore
if you have a 'someone' - how long;:
is it love;:define "love"
or is it lust;:agh
best thing about them;:everything
why you like them;:for everything
something you don't like about them;:bla
have you kissed;:ive kissed people before
if so, are they a good kisser;:who? my cat?
when do you think about them the most;:everyday
would you ever cheat;:god no
have you cheated before;:no but ive been cheated on
what reminds you of them;:everything
[enough with that - currents]
time;:4:35
taste;:pizza
clothes;:jeans, Wicked shirt, zip up hoodie, low tops
makeup;:none
jewlery;:ring i made in 8th grade and the glow in the dark bracelette.. they never come off
music;:Copeland - "Brightest"
food;:none
thought;:thats im sleepy
feeling;:tiredness
worry;:everything
obsession;:biting my nails
noise;:sister dragging feet
[have you evers..]
smoke;:ciggs... no.. and never will
done drugs;:yes
gotten drunk;:yes
ran away;:yes
got in a fight;:yes
kicked a guy in the nuts;:oh hell yes
bitch-slapped someone;:yes
gotten a death threated;:yes
give a death threat;:no
been stalked;:yes
stalked;:hahaha long story
skinnydipped;:more than once
had sex;:no
madeout;:yes
gave head;:no
saw your parents have sex;:no
stolen anything;:yes
broken a law;:yes
thought of suicide;:yes
attempted suicide;:yes
cried;:yes
had an emotional breakdown;:yes
killed something;:bugs
[companions - friends (most..}]
nicest;:katie
funniest;:matt o
caring;:katie
orginal;:michelle
annoying;:erin
fustrating;:erin
stupid;:agh
smart;:edna
talented;:karissa
wierd;:matt
strange;:kurt
out-going;:john
preppiest;:michelle
dorkiest;:courtney
prettiest;:sara :o(
ugliest;:me
gives best advice;:katie, lyndsay
best friend;:katie, lyndsay
listens to you;:katie, lyndsay
fight with the most;:dunno
sweetest;:lyndsay
betrayed you the most;:michelle, sara, erin
going to be famous;:tom
going to the slammer;:dunno
trouble-maker;:mitch
will be the one on the corner in a box;:dunno
sluttiest;:ha
ditziest;:ha
wish you were closer to;:joe
coolest;:paisley
saddest;:jane
potty mouth;:michelle
if you had to..get married to them;:john or joe
[deep thoughts]
gay marriages;:all for it baby
g. bush;:crackwhore
john carrey;:lol
toilets;:wooosh
rappers;:assholes
abortions;:choice
green potatoe chips;:creepy
sex before marriage;:eww
this thing;:its ok
suicide;:lets not get on the subject
drugs;:stupid
ghosts;:scary
love at first sight;:yes, but what is love anyway?
[When was the last time you..]
cried;:yesterday
smiled;:about 15 minutes ago
laughed;:awhile ago
said 'i love you';:wow...
bonded with your mother/father;:ha what a joke
gave a hug;:dunno
watched tv;:yesterday
listened to music;:right now
lied;:dunno
faked sick;:last week
were sick;:right now
were depressed;:right now
were bored;:right now
bit your nail;:about half an hour ago
tapped your foot;:right now
ate an apple;:yesterday
said something nice to someone;:yesterday
[who was the last person..]
said im sorry to;:mom
you told you loved;:tom
hugged;:tom
kissed;:tom
wanted to kill;:my mom
slapped;:tom (jokinly)
kicked;:kyle
saw;:angela
talked to;:angela
glared at;:my cat
shopped with;:paisley and jane
cried with;:dunno
made you cry;:steve, he's gone
you thought about;:john and steve
said your stupid to;:dunno
you wished you were;:sara
[music]
do you like.. meatpuppets?;:eh
black flag;:kinda
bad religion;:a little
minor threat;:no not really
metallica;:no
guns' n' roses;:they are okay
ac/dc;:sure
hanson;:haha mmm bop
afi;:hell yeah
smile empty soul;:okay
taking back sunday;:yup
alkaline trio;:yup
thursday;:eh
drowning pool;:no
stain'd;:no
aerosmith;:a little
three days grace;:dunno
all american rejects;:yes
gc;:old gc
sticky little fingers;:?
green day;:yes yes yes
blink 182;:yes
the ataris;:yes
limp bizcuit;:no and its spelt wrong too
red13;:?
linkin park;:no
story of the year;:yes yes
hoobastank;:no
incubus;:OMG YES
the beatles;:YES!
switchfoot;:yep
nirvana;:mmhmm
the vines;:yes
misfits;:yes
my chemical romance;:definitly
[what comes to your mind..]
joe;:he kissed me 2 days ago... like 6 times.. all lip baby
heart;:pain
rain;:kyle singing
blimp;:me
rollin';:car
love;:waste of time
sweet;:headache
november;:leaves
aol;:annoying
stickey;:goo
porn;:ha
beef;:eww
spam;:ewwww
music;:wonderful
end;:goodbye
[the end]
how do you say goobye;:
did you like this thing, i don't;:

Bored? (200+) brought to you by BZOINK!
eyes glued shut.

Subject:survey
Time:4:47 pm.
[same crap]
name;:Annmarie
do you like your name;:yeah its okay
middle name;:dont have one
do you like your middle name more than your first?;:^
birthdate;:in april
age;:17
wish you were still..;:7
shoesize;:8 1/2
do you act your shoe-size?;:at times
hair color;:dark brown
every change the color?;:yes
whos hair do you wish you had?;:audrey hepburns
eye color;:dark brown
what color do you wish they were?;:green
height;:5'4"
want to be taller or shorter?;:dont care
what do you like most about your body?;:smile
least?;:everything
would you have plastic surgry? [sorry if there are spelling errors]:no
[your favorites]
name;:May, Gordo, Lucy, Lucky
song;:anything
band;:everything
album;:weezer blue album
movie;:too many
place;:maine
season;:fall
time of day;:twilight
radio station;:none
genre of music;:everything
teacher;:mr ravita
class;:music theory
sport;:eh
drink;:shirley temple
food;:chocolate covered strawberries
candy;:starbursts
gum;:bubblicious
cartoon;:family guy
show;:SNL
tv channal;:comedy central
color;:all
friend;:too many
celebrity;:dont know
website;:homestarrunner.com
place to be;:maine
[love exc..]
your sexuality?;:straight?
do you have a 'someone';:no
if not, a crush;:used to, working on not anymore
if you have a crush do they know;:they once knew
do you want them to know;:dont care anymore
if you have a 'someone' - how long;:
is it love;:define "love"
or is it lust;:agh
best thing about them;:everything
why you like them;:for everything
something you don't like about them;:bla
have you kissed;:ive kissed people before
if so, are they a good kisser;:who? my cat?
when do you think about them the most;:everyday
would you ever cheat;:god no
have you cheated before;:no but ive been cheated on
what reminds you of them;:everything
[enough with that - currents]
time;:4:35
taste;:pizza
clothes;:jeans, Wicked shirt, zip up hoodie, low tops
makeup;:none
jewlery;:ring i made in 8th grade and the glow in the dark bracelette.. they never come off
music;:Copeland - "Brightest"
food;:none
thought;:thats im sleepy
feeling;:tiredness
worry;:everything
obsession;:biting my nails
noise;:sister dragging feet
[have you evers..]
smoke;:ciggs... no.. and never will
done drugs;:yes
gotten drunk;:yes
ran away;:yes
got in a fight;:yes
kicked a guy in the nuts;:oh hell yes
bitch-slapped someone;:yes
gotten a death threated;:yes
give a death threat;:no
been stalked;:yes
stalked;:hahaha long story
skinnydipped;:more than once
had sex;:no
madeout;:yes
gave head;:no
saw your parents have sex;:no
stolen anything;:yes
broken a law;:yes
thought of suicide;:yes
attempted suicide;:yes
cried;:yes
had an emotional breakdown;:yes
killed something;:bugs
[companions - friends (most..}]
nicest;:katie
funniest;:matt o
caring;:katie
orginal;:michelle
annoying;:erin
fustrating;:erin
stupid;:agh
smart;:edna
talented;:karissa
wierd;:matt
strange;:kurt
out-going;:john
preppiest;:michelle
dorkiest;:courtney
prettiest;:sara :o(
ugliest;:me
gives best advice;:katie, lyndsay
best friend;:katie, lyndsay
listens to you;:katie, lyndsay
fight with the most;:dunno
sweetest;:lyndsay
betrayed you the most;:michelle, sara, erin
going to be famous;:tom
going to the slammer;:dunno
trouble-maker;:mitch
will be the one on the corner in a box;:dunno
sluttiest;:ha
ditziest;:ha
wish you were closer to;:joe
coolest;:paisley
saddest;:jane
potty mouth;:michelle
if you had to..get married to them;:john or joe
[deep thoughts]
gay marriages;:all for it baby
g. bush;:crackwhore
john carrey;:lol
toilets;:wooosh
rappers;:assholes
abortions;:choice
green potatoe chips;:creepy
sex before marriage;:eww
this thing;:its ok
suicide;:lets not get on the subject
drugs;:stupid
ghosts;:scary
love at first sight;:yes, but what is love anyway?
[When was the last time you..]
cried;:yesterday
smiled;:about 15 minutes ago
laughed;:awhile ago
said 'i love you';:wow...
bonded with your mother/father;:ha what a joke
gave a hug;:dunno
watched tv;:yesterday
listened to music;:right now
lied;:dunno
faked sick;:last week
were sick;:right now
were depressed;:right now
were bored;:right now
bit your nail;:about half an hour ago
tapped your foot;:right now
ate an apple;:yesterday
said something nice to someone;:yesterday
[who was the last person..]
said im sorry to;:mom
you told you loved;:tom
hugged;:tom
kissed;:tom
wanted to kill;:my mom
slapped;:tom (jokinly)
kicked;:kyle
saw;:angela
talked to;:angela
glared at;:my cat
shopped with;:paisley and jane
cried with;:dunno
made you cry;:steve, he's gone
you thought about;:john and steve
said your stupid to;:dunno
you wished you were;:sara
[music]
do you like.. meatpuppets?;:eh
black flag;:kinda
bad religion;:a little
minor threat;:no not really
metallica;:no
guns' n' roses;:they are okay
ac/dc;:sure
hanson;:haha mmm bop
afi;:hell yeah
smile empty soul;:okay
taking back sunday;:yup
alkaline trio;:yup
thursday;:eh
drowning pool;:no
stain'd;:no
aerosmith;:a little
three days grace;:dunno
all american rejects;:yes
gc;:old gc
sticky little fingers;:?
green day;:yes yes yes
blink 182;:yes
the ataris;:yes
limp bizcuit;:no and its spelt wrong too
red13;:?
linkin park;:no
story of the year;:yes yes
hoobastank;:no
incubus;:OMG YES
the beatles;:YES!
switchfoot;:yep
nirvana;:mmhmm
the vines;:yes
misfits;:yes
my chemical romance;:definitly
[what comes to your mind..]
joe;:he kissed me 2 days ago... like 6 times.. all lip baby
heart;:pain
rain;:kyle singing
blimp;:me
rollin';:car
love;:waste of time
sweet;:headache
november;:leaves
aol;:annoying
stickey;:goo
porn;:ha
beef;:eww
spam;:ewwww
music;:wonderful
end;:goodbye
[the end]
how do you say goobye;:
did you like this thing, i don't;:

Bored? (200+) brought to you by BZOINK!
eyes glued shut.

Monday, March 15th, 2004

Subject:swim
Time:3:00 pm.
Mood: depressed.
Saturday March 13th: The announcer spoke over the radio while the static went on, the tone of his voice normal since he was just doing his job. He told the news and i listened in... "body found by woman walking dog..." it trailed off as i searched for some song to bop to as i drove around town with the windows down. Not a care in the world.
Monday March 15th: It was roughly around 12:40 and i was pulled aside at the end of choir. I knew when he shut that door behind him the news wasnt pleasant. "...Steve....apparently....found....suicide....other day....sorry....sad....girl....heart...." he trailed off as i forced myself to hold everything in.
3:04pm - reality sets in. He's gone and he's never coming back. They said he was sad, he was in a fight with his girlfriend who broke up with him... he was heartbroken he was alone... he decided to end it all right there in the woods. He was never that attractive but he was such a wonderful boy.
I've cried for almost two whole hours today... i've cried for him, his family, friends, and for the fact that i have lost far too many people over this past year. Death has taken my loved ones away from me... the numbers are high... and im just afraid of who will be next.
I remember when i wanted to die... when i wanted to leave this reality... when i had the gun to my head... but i had someone right there with me all along and he helped me though... god i wish steve had that.
People don't understand... when you leave this world... people leave with you. People mourn for you... you hurt more people than all the pain and loneliness in yourself combined.
This year keeps getting worse.
I cant handle any more of this pain...
But tomorrow is another day.
2 blinked again - eyes glued shut.

Blurty for Something Incongruent.

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