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little miss starlight

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bright lights big city [19 Apr 2003|04:28pm]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | madcap ]

strange things happen.
the show was two nights ago, and it was a lot of fun. i thought it was going to suck because christian can be a real cock but he didn't bother me at all. it was good... we got there and got in and then andy had to go to the bathroom so i stood there ... and i look over at the people sitting on the railing above the pit and i was like... no fucking way... jesse and chris keaney... holy shit. so i walk over, and gave chris a hug and then i just look at jesse, and he shakes his head... but he finally got down and just grabbed me and hugged me. it was a good feeling. im glad everything is resolved with the two of us. although, it was odd seeing them there. it made me uncomfortable. having jesse look at me while im standing there hugging andy. we jsut stared at eachother... shook our heads and talked, offered me a stoge so ofcourse i took him up on it, and .. that was that. then i realized what i loved about that kid... his voice.

so we sat there, while andy was in the pit, chris jesse and i smoked and talked about the past... the first time we met, all the drama. everything. andy came over a couple of times just to see what was up and then finally pulled me away.

we ended up in the stairwell between the bathrooms making out like two complete idiots... and somebody runs down the stairs yelling "stop the fuck fest!" and i knew who it was i didnt even have to turn around and andy was like who the fuck is that douchebag? and i was like... that... thats jess. thats when things started to get weird.

eventually andy and i decided it was time to leave and we headed over to matts car and waited for christian and matt to emerge from the big crowd of people dumping out of the chance.

we get to dennys at around 12 and eat... steal some things and head home... it was a nice night... good times good times.

time to go call gaywhore. haha ... he got off work @ 5 and im gonna call him because i wanna chill with conor and phil ... i haven't seen them since... christmas i think... haha oh i love my family.

last night was lindseys house, dancing to the buzzcocks for hours, and being silly... andy and lee were gonna come down and visit but they didn't..weird i didnt really understand what was going on

i hear bagpipes playing now.. its weird i dont understand where they are comming from...aH im going insane. anyway... tonight i have to go to my aunts...but its okay,because phil and conor will be there and it will be fun... hmm.

there isn't much else to say really... andy gets off tonight @ 8 i presume and... maybe he and lee will come down and hang out with me for a bit, but i won't get my hopes up... monday he is getting his liscence...whew. thankgod. and a car. in out in out will come soon...YAY

top of the mornin to ya.

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[08 Apr 2003|10:04am]
[ mood | go suck a nut. ]

not doing to well lately, just kind of here. i dont know why... i feel blah.
mike and i are sitting here looking up bands on epitonic and he is rambling on to me and im not really listening talking about canden well he is really im not.
i had an okay weekend i guess. i didn't do much.
hung around.. layed around the house... pretended to live
i have come to the conclusion that i realy like mike he is a cool cat in my book.
he is now talking about the french kicks and canden and some other crappy music... oh yes trail of the dead.. he got all indie rock on me during the year and i don't understand it. oh well.
i have "lockdown" in a few minutes.
then after school i have detention.
im going to go now...
barely breathing
barely alive.
just there.
maybe ill go chug some meds later.
ohhh shoot me.

post comment close to me... [06 Apr 2003|01:15pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | the cure ]

ahh tiredness..
last night was good.. its what i needed...
i want hair like the girl from OTT...::wimpers::
lindsey and i were funny ladies...
we fixed the record player which made me REALLY happy and we sat and re-strung my guitar and listened to my records.. my only punk record, and then the beatles, bread, carole king... ect... whatever my mom has and we danced around my room to the cure...
but now its time to go to the mall so im off!...
ta ta

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[06 Apr 2003|01:02pm]
[ mood | awake ]

_ Birthplace: vassar hospital in po town? or p town? i forget
_ Current Location: Cold Spring, NY
_ Eye Color: blue
_ Hair Color: blonde
_ Zodiac Sign: leo
_ Innie or Outtie: innie

_ The shoes you wore today: my chucks
_ Your eyes: blood shot because im tired, and idk? nice looking?
_ Your hair: wet, dirty blondish now, short...going to be shorter soon..
_ Your weakness: he
_ Your fears: being alone
_ Your perfect pizza: bleck im so sick of pizza

what is
_ Your most overused phrase on aim: haha ...?
_ Your thoughts first waking up: ::phone rings:: hello? "hello?ooo ooo oo sorry sorry missus wrong #...::falls back to sleep::
_ The first feature you notice in the same or opposite sex: eyes and hair
_ Your bedtime: whenever i want to go to sleeeeeeeeeeep
_ Your greatest accomplishment: always fucking something up...or breaking something
_ Pepsi or coke: neither
_ McDonald's or Burger King: mm...definalty flamming wok.
_ Single or group dates: idk... i dont think i ahve been on a date before
_ Chocolate or vanilla: black raspberry...chocolate frapps
_ boxers or briefs: boxer briefs...mmm
_ Smoke: blarp
_ Cuss: yesh
_ Take a shower everyday: ehh whenever i feel dirty
_ Have a crush(es): only one...he.
_ Do you think you've been in love: once maybe
_ Want to go to college: yeah
_ Want to get married: yes
_ Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: most of the time
_ Believe in yourself: eh sometimes
_ Think you're attractive: rarely.
_ Get along with your parents: my mom ... most of the time... dad...pff
_ Like thunderstorms: yeah... im only happy when it rains
_ Play an instrument: yeshum...guitar...kahehe and clarinet..

whens the last time you
_ laughed- last night..."i loove records they make me moowe culturud
_ cried- friday night

_ Age you hope to be married: whenever i find the right one
_ Numbers and Names of Children: definatly not having children.. i dont think.
_ Describe your Dream Wedding: something that reflects our personalities
_ How do you want to die: peacefully
_ What do you want to be when you grow up: not sure, doing something i love
_ What country/continent would you most like to visit: i wanna go to europe... backpack through europe...

opposite sex
_ Best eye color: bright eyes
_ Best hair color: dark hair
_ Short or long hair: a happy medium length?
_ Best weight: depends on the person... as long as you can pick me up i think your good ::sigh::

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[06 Apr 2003|11:17am]
[ mood | chipper ]
[ music | beep ]

01. RELATIONSHIP STATUS? we are laying low...takin a break type thing but i still love him
02. SOMEONE YOU WOULD MARRY IF YOU HAD TO? andy?pfft i dont fuckin know
04. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? trouble...pop!
05. FAVE MAGAZINE? corporate magazines still suck.
06. FAVORITE SMELL? anything mi madre is cooking ^_& and he of course
07. LEAST FAVORITE SMELL? yukkie andres aguido
08. FAVORITE SOUND? the way he says my name.
09. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? hurting physically/emotionally
10. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? "of fuuuckkkk... what day is it??"
13. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME(S): brodie & calib
15. FAVORITE FOODS? breakfast foods
16. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? black raspberry is BETTER
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING TO DO WHEN YOU ARE BORED? play my random people on my phone
18. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? ralph the english bear, andy the big bear, thumper and grumpy.
20. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? it will be a 63 rambler
22. FAVORITE DRINK? water, cran grape
25. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB WHAT WOULD IT BE? doing something i love
26. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR? ummm not sure i cant dye it
29. FAVORITE MOVIES? a clockwork orange, the virgin suicides
31. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED? i have no idea
32. FAVORITE SPORT/SPORTS TO WATCH? sports..bleck... RUGBY fuck yea!
36. FAVORITE PLACE IN THE USA? what happend to 33,34, and 35? oh well... nyc or anywhere near he

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im a hopeless romantic [05 Apr 2003|01:19pm]
[ mood | hungry ]
[ music | the bouncing souls ::dances:: ]

hmm i worked to find sabrina a airline tickett...and we found one! i really hope she comes im looking foward to seeing her ^_&
i just hope i get to see andy over break a decent amount...argh. its not looking great.
i love that boy guys.
looking for something to do today
maybe andy will call me today? probably not... laying low. we are laying low. pfft. what is this laying low bull shit?
i dont know...
hopefully everything will work out ...
bill and his brother really pissed me off yesterday.. his brother was standing there telling andy how he could get with this chick with huge boobs... and making fun of andy because he can put one arm around my body...yeah it was HILARIOUS...let me tell you...what the fuck was his problem? he looked liek a cartoon character.
i should be going to a birthday party today for a one year old...maybe i will later... probably not...stupid family events...i hate them...but there will be good FOOD...hehe im such a pig.
i wish i could drive.
i wish i could drive.
i wish i could drive.
andy and i would be together more and i would be able to take a road trip down to nc with andy to pick up sabrina if she can't fly up.
ooo the possibilities are endless...
i can't wait till i can then i get to drive my snazzy 63 rambler... neeato right?
time to go tummy is growling

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is that maurer rackin up the pdas? [04 Apr 2003|10:01pm]
[ mood | wanting to be with him ]
[ music | tv...hummm of the computer... typing of the keys. ]

me shaking as i walked into the store, and then seeing him, i got nervous. i was nervous. i cried but everything was o.k. he is trying really hard. i really love him. then he took his break. he took his break so he could spend more time with me. he looked good. i probably looked like crap, but he got skinnier, his face looked skinnier. i didn't want to leave him. i hate saying goodbye, not knowing when ill see him next. hah on his name tag it said andrew... silly andrew... i wish we could have taken eachother in. sitting on his lap and having him say to me "i miss you" doesn't help. i miss you too. things will get better. they will. mark reasured me that things would get better, that he could tell that andy loved me. he could just tell, you could just sense it i guess. mark and i went to hallmark and got our significant others cards, he got one for hannah because she was upset and i got andy a completely random one that had mickey mouse on it and i jsut wrote a little bit... it was fuzzzzzzyyyy though and then gave it to him before i left. copin a feel in pacsun. dirty. we had our share of parking lot kisses... actual parking lot kisses tonight, it felt real good just to know that, that... 'its like the first time, everytime'. still. that i still get that... that feeling you know?...
::walks away and crawls into bed::

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sweet like a peach with a mouth like a truck, little miss starlight is down on her luck [04 Apr 2003|09:41am]
[ mood | hopeful ]
[ music | converge ]

i shouldn't have freaked out as much as i did last night, it was stupid of me
im doing much better though today.
andy and i are much much better... i went to sleep knowing that everything was going to be okay.
he is just going through some things now so he and i are going to "lay low" for a bit, but... as soon as things get easier we will be great.
even though im only going to be seeing him for a few minutes today @ pacsun, its still a happy thing i guess... i mean... at least i get to see him.
this guy is great.
i was really upset i was really worried he just did'nt like me but he reasured me that he liked me a lot and stuff..

wow matchbook romance from Po TOWn... they aren't thattt badd.
po town hahaha...
ahh im just rambling on now

im in a good mood... listening to converge is making me all AHAGEAFDFDAF


time to go...

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[03 Apr 2003|04:30pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

the shit hit the fan.
i dont know whats going on anymore.
wheres the love?
does he still feel it?
i took 7 nox..??? 2 tylenol extra strength, 3 tylenol p.m.'s
i don't even know why
why do i do this?
it started to all hit me during the middle of the conversation and i just kind of blanked out.
i didn't even cry after that i was just numb.
and i fell asleep sitting up on my bed and eventually fell over and everything just got dark and i woke up at 5
everything is weird...i feel like everything is falling apart.
i feel retarted.
i want to go curl up in a ball and die.

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[02 Apr 2003|04:56pm]
oo i hope i can go to the catch22 show, i have some doubts but hopefully everything will work out okay.

i haven't seen andy in oooo more then a week. hopefully ill see him friday, it gives me something to look foward too.

but i need to go get all dressed and out of my pajamas because i have therapy @ 6...

andy called last night too which makes me sad because my phone was on vibrate and i was sleeping and ...ppoo.

i hope i get to talk to him today.

anway, time to go...


::dances to catch22::
im so happy now!!
...your loosin cus your playin by the rules of the game...
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and you dont seem the liking kind... a shame that i can read your mind [01 Apr 2003|09:41am]
[ mood | hopeful ]

ooo im in a good mood today and i don't know why

last night was hmm idk... i had court which took forever shanna started crying, she needs to get a grip. i tried not to laugh... i almost shit my pants it was kind of scary being up there AH.

lindsey and i are going to do a boa song for open mic night YAY

hmm... catch22, with madcaps and goodwill GREATNESS... skank skank skank! oo that makes me happy

i made long shorts this morning, except they are more like capris? they make me happy.

i left andy there last night haha all up and alone.. lmao... at like 5:25 i was like shit i have to go .... it was funny.
hahah anyway..
hopefully i will see him friday
hopefully if everything works out super.

lain is beautiful i wish i was an anime girl.

but im not!

i need a dress of prom... i don't want something too dressy though..BAH.
i need to find out what andy is wearing first ... hahah we are DORKS.
rockin the chucks, hes rockin the cons.

its april fools day!


andy is dumb and he probably doesn't know its april fools ... what joke should i play on him?!

o im mean.

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i want you to know that i miss you; [31 Mar 2003|09:52am]
[ mood | anxious ]

im tired. i dont even want to be here.

lindsey, nai, pug and i all ate pizza in a castle on saturday night when we went to go pick up dan from work and then we splashed in puddles and we were drenched and soaking wet. and andy called my saturday which made me really happy to hear him speak. to know that he still cared.

i didn't talk to him for that long yesterday though he said his back hurt and that he wasn't in the mood for talking so i tried calling him at like 9 but i got the voicemail. hopefully i will be able to go see him tomorrow... hopefully he is feeling up to it.

im jealous of lindsey and nai they always have dan and erik around... they always have them there at sleepovers. oh well. maybe the next sleep over andy can come and then i won't be left out.

im excited about spring break. i get to see him a lot and then matt said he would take andy and i to catch22 and i think andys sister is going to that show too... maybe she will ride with us...

hmm.. ::tries to put on a happy face::


shoot me.

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take a shower and shine your shoes [29 Mar 2003|11:59pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

im lonely.
i miss him
everybody is here with their boyfriends...

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[29 Mar 2003|09:57am]
[ mood | cold ]

i think im going to change my layout... im getting bored.

my mom made me pancakes this morning and it was fun it made me kind of happy.

last night was good, hanging out with mark was something i needed to take my mind off of things. he is a great friend... we drove up to Copake to pick up his brothers... holy bumblefuck. peder was annoying but he got cooler and then we went down to beacon and stopped at his uncle mikes house for a while and he drove around without the keys in the car and with karl and i on the back of the car... yeah that was a accident waiting to happen...but thankgod we didn't get hurt. mark is an ass when it comes to driving... eventually we got in the car and they drove me home and then mark kept telling karl to kiss me and i was like crying and screaming "nooooooo im with andyyy.... noooo get away....::screams:: RAPE"... he didn't kiss me which was good....::vomits:: and i got to talk to andy last night... by the end of the conversation he got a bit out of it because of the codiene... but im glad that he is doing relatively o.k. he said that in a couple of days he should be okay. i think i have something going on monday after school but i forget...oh yeah a meeting for the d.c. trip... anyway.. .tuesday (hopefully) i will go visit andy and see how he is doing... im going to let him rest up this weekend...unless he wants to see me tomorrow or something...but then ill see him sometime next week hopefully... lee said he was worried about andy too... i felt bad he seemed upset too... not as upset as me though... but still upset ^_*...

today im supposed to go over lindseys sometime so she and i can practice our joni mitchell for open mic night. yay!!...

spring break is almost here... and this means
1. lee is comming home - lee has car, so that means he will bring andy to see me lots
2. andys sister is comming home so that means that i will most likely see her a couple of times
3. maybe ill meet andys dad
4. i get to sleep later

so it has a lot of up's and then after that andy gets his liscence and things will be cool... i hope. ::wimpers::

i miss my parking lot kisses....::sigh::

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isn't it ironic? [28 Mar 2003|08:13am]
[ mood | discontent ]

im running on two hours of sleep last night...

andy got into a car accident.
::sad face...tear::
i hope he is doing okay.
all i know is what i read in sabrina's journal and what bill told me last night when i talked to him... i hated hearing "kelly, ill talk to you tomorrow, he will be okay just get some sleep" accidents are scary... i should know... i got a panic attack last night... i was nervous and hysterical and i was laying on the bathroom floor gagging because i was sick to my stomach... i couldn't handle it i guess. i just want him to be okay. its sad that he and i were actually talking about my car accident the other day and ahhh stuff like that and talking about what if's like what if i got into a accident what would you do? what if i got hurt? what if what if ...
... i just want him to be okay *sigh*

i told anna fortini about it and she was like "i saw him two days ago... oh no he can't be hurt... he is frisbee man....shit that sucks"

::shakes head::

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bandages...? [26 Mar 2003|10:14am]
[ mood | awake ]

getting rapped in tape is fun with mark and hannah until you break your little toe ::ouch::
now im home... sick... i have a sore throat and a cold or something...
andy started to work @ pacsun... hmm
and hopefully i will get the job at the animal hospital and that means we will see eachother even lesss.... WAHOOO ...
my tummy is groweling so i think i am going to go find something to eat...
i gotta go now i have lots of math homework to do
im agreeing with sabrina... my journal is way too self centered.
oh well its not like anybody reads it anyway.

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[25 Mar 2003|11:42am]
[ mood | amused ]

:::10 Bands You've Seen Live::: (no order)
1. dropkick
2. rancid
3. coheed
4. ltj
5. pietasters
6. std
7. makeoutmusic MAHAHA
8. tbs
9. in a breath...
10. wow i can't even name them all but i have definatly seen somethin over 50 bands
:::09 Things You're Looking Forward To:::
1. the weekend
2. sex
3. love
4. summer time
5. my birthday
6. andy
7. shows
8. skanking
9. new haircuts
:::08 Things You Wear Daily:::
1. chucks
2. a zip up hoodie (either, blondie, blue, or tight blue one)
3. dickies
4. a t shirt that i wear too frequently
5. a thong
6. a bra
7. a jackett
8. me bum bag
:::07 Things That Annoy You:::
1. douchebags
2. a.k.a...jared
3. superficial assholes
4. bad breath
5. haldane
6. people in general
7. ignorant people
:::06 Things You Touch Every Day:::
1. a computer
2. myself...not sexually
3. a drink
4. my bag
5. a book
6. fun things?
:::05 Things You Do Every Day:::
1. talk
2. walk
3. write
4. smile
5. laugh
:::04 People You'd Want to Spend More Time With:::
1. andy
2. lindsey
3. nai
4. tori
:::03 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over:::
1. clockwork orange
2. the shinning
3. pretty in pink... duckie!
:::02 Of Your Favorite Songs At This EXACT Moment:::
1. The Cure- boys don't cry
2. From Autumn,,,-Short stories with tragic endings
:::01 Thing You Can't Live Without:::
1. him

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[25 Mar 2003|10:15am]
Once upon a time in the vast and rural land of bedroom there was a little boy named kelly who was one years old. kelly had a rabbit named andy and together they enjoyed fucking and slapping.

One day, kelly and andy were taking a stroll through bedroom, when they came across a sexy, green ring. kelly and andy were very happy and they stupidly punted away. But, the ring punted after them.

At the advanced age of one, kelly was a very hot boy and thus he knew what had to be done. He pulled his trusty sex from his pocket and screamed yay, get over here ring-vagina!!!!! The ring sadly fucked into the distance, and kelly and his rabbit happily went home to enjoy an afternoon of fucking and slapping.
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red nail polish [25 Mar 2003|09:55am]
[ mood | geeky ]

yesterday was good...
andy bill picked me up in the 'stang, andy looked sexy... i looked sexy... we're a hot couple.
right right
too bad Dreamcatcher sucked. eww it was nasty...::Gags::
hmm ... today shouldn't be that bad.. i have to go to the heart program and then after that to the animal hospital to pick up an aplication to work there... then i think tara is stopping by after track or what not...
fun fun fun...
mark told me i had a 'fuckin hot body' yesterday... i was like woahhhh.. it was weird hearing it from him ... and then i told andy about it and he was just like "well yeah... you do"...hmm..
still weird.
mike is sitting next to me looking up stuff on Iraq...and Andrew is sitting on the other side of me 0
while i was getting ready to go to school today ... i turned on the tv and it was no mtv2 and the ataris were on... i almost vomited all over myself.. i can't handle them they make me sick!
anyway.... im hungry and its almost time for lunch...

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marshmellow skies... [24 Mar 2003|09:45am]
[ mood | giggly ]

well... today is not that bad actually
later andy and bill are picking me up and we are all going to go see dreamcatcher... im the only idiot that has no idea what its about...
i missed a good party apparently on thursday...::wimpers::
oh well.
yay when philly s comes home me tara, conor, jp, philly s, we will all have fun party... fun party... gin and tonic whores unite... heh maybe even andy can come and drink me under the table... and bill can too maybe?
ahh... idk
this weekend sucked... but friday was real good.
im feeling better
friday made me happy ^_*
...time to go to guidance..

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