summer session 1, day 1   
11:31am 02/06/2003
mood: tired
music: 'i melt with you' ~ MEST
first day is over and its not even noon. YAY! my classes went ok. my math class started out with 55 students but then was split, which made me happy. i dont like large classes like that. especially in a subject that i need help in. i am so horrible at math but i hope i will do good this semester. i dont want to have to take it again. then my speech class was pretty cool. the prof there is a real animated person. she will definitely help make the class interesting. i also have friend that i met last year in that class so i wont be lonely. i got my books for this and next about eating up $$$. they were so expensive but that's what i get for talking geology and economics all in one semester along with college algebra. but anywho, enough about today. lets talk about what happened over the weekend. well i got here Friday and crashed practically. Saturday i rearranged my room and crashed again. then Sunday i spent the day with tasha and her mom. it was really fun. we went to the mall and target and wall-mart.we ate at I HOP and saw finding nemo which is hilarious, i recommend it if you havent seen it yet. we got some ice cream latter on in the day and met up with some of tasha's other friends. over all it was a good day. i came out of it with a sweater that i have wanted since last winter and i only pay half of what it originally was, so that's cool. well i am running out of things to say so i guess i will get going...bye!
hmmm...where to start...   
10:42pm 24/04/2003
mood: bored
music: sprung monkey ~ get a taste
well school is almost over...we have about two weeks left and one of them is finals week (BLAH!) im ready to go home but im not ready to take my finals and leave all my friends. altogether its been a pretty good year. my roommate is wonderful and i will miss her over the summer but hope to see her next fall. i dont know if i would have been able to stand being here if i wasn't able to talk to tasha (love you girl!) as much as i get to with her actually going to the same school. and the rest of the group has been that just leave craig and i dont know what to say about him except that he got his ear peirced the exact same day that i did (weird).
so... i got my ear peirced, the cartilage to be exact. me and my roommate both got them done today. wasn't as bad as i thought it would be, but it never is, is it? its kinda tender but that's not unusual and now its hard to sleep on my right side which is normal for me. i wont get to put in my new ear ring until i get my new phone so it kinda worked out good. now i wont be wondering when i can change the dam thing.
its been a while since i last saw my friend jessica and now i know why. the pour girl had food poisoning from KFC. NEVER EAT THERE (BLAH!)!!! i saw her for a while tonight, shes the one who told me about craig. i saw her friend ashley today sitting with paul. she looked at me like she never liked me. i dont know why, im a sweet heart. maybe shes is just jellous of something, i dont know. but jessica wants me to be around more because ashley has been anoying her a lot lately. she is one of those ppl that cant go anywhere or do anything by herself. she always calls jessica and if jessica is going to do something ashley gets all pissy if she is not invited. that would drive me nuts too. she just needs to get out and meet some new ppl.
wed kevin asked me to hook him up with someone in my dorm. i was like no i dont think so hun. first of all the only ppl i really know that live there are my roommate, tasha , her roommate and jessica, along with the rest of the band ppl but there arent many and i dont really know them anyways. and second of all if the relationship were to fail who would get blamed....ME! and i dont want to deal with that...EVER! besides if he is willing to get hooked up with anyone its not going to be a good relationship anyway. he would just be settling for someone instead of getting with someone who would be good for him. and i want him to be in a good, happy relationship.
here is something that i came across over the internet...i found it amusing and maybe you will too...

A Short Comparative Guide to Religions:

Taoism - Shit happens.
Confucianism - Confucius says, "Shit happens."
Buddhism - If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Zen Buddhism - What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism - This shit happened before.
Mormonism - This shit is going to happen again.
Islam - If shit happens, it is the Will of Allah.
Stoicism - This shit is its own reward.
Protestantism - Let this shit happen to someone else.
Calvinism - Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Pentecostalism - In Jesus' name, heal this shit!
Catholicism - Shit happens because you deserve it.
Judaism - Why does this shit always happen to us?
Zoroastrianism - Shit happens half the time.
Marxism - This shit is going to hit the fan.
Atheism - No shit.
Seventh Day Adventist - No shit on Saturdays.
Existentialism - Absurd shit.
Agnosticism - What is this shit?
Nihilism - Who gives a shit?
Deconstruction - Shit happens in hegemonic meta-narratives.
Christian Science - Shit is in your mind.
Moonies - Only happy shit really happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses - Knock Knock, shit happens.
Scientology - Shit happens on page 152 of Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard
Hare Krishna - Shit happens, Rama Rama.
Hedonism - There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Rastafarianism - Let's smoke this shit.
thank god for kind drivers...   
05:46pm 06/04/2003
  because if no one had stopped along the highway, i would not be in my room right now. i would still be sitting there trying to help my friend calm down and change the dam flat tire. but this is not the worst part of or little trip. we had gone to lawton with some other friends who have their truck in a car show and tasha and i were going to drive the car back, but as we got into town some dum ass mother fuckin bitch starts to get over into the left lane WHERE WE ARE and runs us off the road. we hit some gravel and spin to the other side of the road where our car is stopped in a ditch. luckily the prick didn't hit us because its not our car, but her boyfriend's dad's car. so tasha and i get out of the car to check to make sure that its ok. a semi that was behind us pulls over to make sure that we are ok and then a car that was infront of us TURNS AROUND and comes back to check on us. we tell them that we are fine and we all get back in our cars and start to drive off. that's when we find out that one of our tires has gone flat. luckily theres not a hole in the tire and we have a spare. the tire had been pulled off the rim. but the ppl in the car come back and the driver is nice enough to change the tire for us while his wife (?) sits and talks with us as we try to calm down. im still shaking, my back and neck hurt and i have a headache. tasha and i even sat down for like 30 minutes with her boyfriends partents and talked. all i have to say is that those mother fucking ass holes are lucky that we didn't get they plate number other wise i know of a few ppl who would hunt their asses down and beat the shit out of them. but tasha and i ARE ok, just shaken up a little and still a little scared. but that's not suprising. thank got tasha is a great driver.  
talk about the week from hell...   
07:34pm 03/04/2003
  my mom called me at 9 this morning to tell my that my step dad wont be able to make it to my concert tomorrow because his brother past away last night. im upset that he past but not as much as i am upset that i cant go to the funeral. i really want to be there to show my suport for his family, but im not getting the oporutnity to be there. i just hope that i can play my best tomorrow night. btw my sister in law has a cancerous lump in her throught...that's why shes back in the hospital.  
I don't know what to put here...   
12:00am 02/04/2003
  but I just found out this evening that my sister in law has been readmitted to the hospital for breast cancer. she's already been in for surgery to get it all removed but I guess it came back. I'm really worried about her, but I know that she is a strong woman.
I got back from Oklahoma city today, the trip over all was good cept today. Craig was being a jerk and really pissed me off. but I don't think he knows that he did, mainly cause when I was walking away from the bus he yelled bye to me. I don't know what's going through his head, though sometimes I wish I did. he's really starting to confuse me...
well my family will be here this Friday to see my concert. I cant wait, this will be the first time that they will all be up here to see me and meet some of my new friends. I guess I better get started cleaning my room...*sighs*
some friends are helpful while others aren't...   
09:38am 27/03/2003
  I didn't seek or receive any help from any of my friends here on campus about my little Craig situation. the ones who will listen all seem to be tired of hearing about. and I guess I'm a little tired of talking about it, AGIAN! so I went to one of my online friends and he was very very helpful. I appreciate all his help so much I don't ever think I could tell him how grateful I am for his advise. but I don't really feel like getting into all that now cause I need to go jump in the shower.  
I HAVE MY PUTER BACK!!! again...   
08:42pm 26/03/2003
mood: confused
music: watching angel
well after sending my puter off to my bro he has assessed that my pour baby had a friend wire, but now its fixed. and works great too... :D I don't really have much to say cept that Craig is at it again, tho I have to admit I didn't mind cuddling with him for about an hour. that was nice. but I think he's just wanting to have sex and I'm not into casual sex, I need to have a background with the person, a relationship. I need to know that he will be there the next day. but I don't know what he really wants so I guess we will just have to take some time and talk and get to know each other.
its almost time...   
11:40am 02/03/2003
mood: groggy
music: audio karate~ senior year
to go home for spring break, just two weeks and i cant wait. i miss everything about home, especially my fam and my puppy. my bro is gonna try to fix my puter for me which im sure will make spoon happy. and hopefully he can. things dont seem to be getting any better in my little cirlcle of friends, but i only know what i am told cause they never fill me in on anything cept tasha. the symphony is this weekend and i feel like i should have asked craig to give me a ride instead of kevin, but i dont want to repeat last semester either. thats one thing that really scares me. i got a new patch last night for my jacket, its simple plan. im gonna sew it to the back of my jacket around the lower back area. or maybe safety pin it, im not usre yet. i donno, ill figure it out later. when i actually get around to doing it. but first i should prolly do my homework...grrr.
wow, its been a long time since my last post...   
08:15pm 21/02/2003
mood: blah
music: something corporate ~ iF yoU C jordan
since then i have written a paper and got a B on it, took a math test and failed it horribly, and had a sight and ear test and bearly passed that by the skin of my teeth. one of my friends was shocked off her ass when a close friend of hers asked her to marry her, neither of us knew what to say. i hate $$$ and the bank. allergies suck ass. i saw sylvia, preformed by the MSU theater department (it was really good). my math proffesor finally got my name right...MY NAME IS NOT LYNDA!!!...grrr...>:l. can you tell that i kinda feel like doing some minor bitching, hey i think we all deserve some time to vent and i am making this my time. so if you dont wanna listen to me well then too bad cause i dont know how long this will last and you already heard the first part so stop reading. its not like im holding a gun to your head or anything. i just found out that one of my bros lost his job and his fam is sick, as well as his mom. thats not cool...i hope they get everything back in order. well you should feel lucky cause i dont feel like typing any more right now so you dont have to listen to me bitch for a while. LATERZ!!!
10:18pm 03/02/2003
mood: refreshed
music: good charlotte "the anthem"
since i last wrote in my journal and i would have this past weekend but my puter crapped out again. i dont know what it is but one of my friends has the feeling that its the puter itself and not the software, as my step dad thinks. but im supoced to find a repair shop up here so we can see if we can get it fixed or not cause i kinda need a puter this semester real bad. i have 3 major papers that i will have to write in order to get an A in school and society. beside i hate not being able to chat with my friends online, its so much more convinient then the phone. specially when you arent on fucking dial up!!!! GRRR!!! but no they school cannot provide eithernet cards or whatever for their laptops, which is what i am on at the moment. i have it until thursday. which isnt to bad cause then i can atleast start on my paper before i have to return the laptop. but i plan on checking another on out the next day. i just cant live without my puter. had an ok weekend. went to a birthday party with tasha and ork. it was fun, the only part of that night that sucked was ork's apartment being trashed, and i wasnt there for this. cause if i were i would have helped clean up. but i didnt find out until the next day. i dont know much about what happened cause i wasnt there but i was told a few things. we all seem to be keeping our distance from each other, but i know sooner or later we will all regroup and will have a blast. just need to give it time, and not force it. other then that i had an ok weekend. i just got from the gym with my room mate. i feel so good. ihave that tired yet energetic feeling going on right now. i ran two miles yesterday and today and i just got back from the gym, i hope i can keep this up and loose a little weight. that would be great. well im gonna get going, i have some friends who prolly miss me so im gonna go hang with them. check ya later!
02:32pm 25/01/2003
  i just got back from working out, i feel so good right now. i have not had a workout in a while and even tho it wasnt the best, cause it was my first time there, i had a blast. and next time i will work myself harder. WHOO HOO!!!  
i feel fine, doesnt really matter now, cause im all right, nock my on my ass agian, but i dont mind   
12:46am 23/01/2003
mood: energetic
music: riddlin' kids - i feel fine
well tonight i got to spend some quality time with my bestest bud in the whole wide world...TASHA!!! i love her so much she one of the greatest ppl i know. we watched the movie "O" , it was kinda cool. but enough about her.

craig was checking out my ass today. the only reason i know that is cause he comented on my good charlotte patch thats on my back pocket. he called me a good charlotte freak. hes the freak, always obsesing over my friends. geez...why do i care for him so much? i just dont get it...we have one of those love hate relationships. we love to pick on each other. he talks shit to me i tell him that he knows he loves me then he talks more shit and i tell him to fuck off and then he says you know i love ya and then he tells me to go away and i tell him to bite me and then as he is walking away i yell that i luv him. its so amusing. i love that i can joke around with him like that, hell last semester i wasnt talking to him cause he hurt me so bad. ya see i have a crush on him, straight out, and he knew it. then one night me, him, and some other friends of ours went to the symphony for class. then we get back to my dorm room and all of us watch a movie. our friends leave and craig stays behind and starts kissing me. well come to find out he thinks its a fling while i was thinking that we were hooking up cause we had brought up the subject of actually hooking up. let just say i was crushed when i found out what he thought that night was. but atleast we didnt have sex cause that would have totally screwed up EVERYTHING! but we are friends again cause i cant avoid him where ever i go. so i decided to put it behind me and im glad i did cause now i can give him a hard time about shit. and know that i can go to him if i need his help. but he seems to need my help more then i need his.

while my little group of friends has some things to work out, i have a small situation of my own. there is this guy that i talk to online once in a while. and today he told me something that really freaked me out. actually a few things. and while i think he is a sweet heart i feel that he has the wrong idea about our friendship. and i wish that there is an easy way to let him down, but thats impossible. i want him to know how much a treasure our friendship and that i dont want anything to come between us because i dont feel the same way for him that he feels for me.

this is just a little extra that i feel like adding tonight. i wrote this last year, and while i like it the way it is it still seems incomplete. i wish i could add to it, but everything i try just doesnt seem to fit. grrr...

you are a dream i never wish to wake from
and a wish i so want to come true
at night when i close my eyes

oh well thats all for tonight, g'night yalls!!!
all i see is you
     Read 2 - Post
11:33am 22/01/2003
mood: okay
music: linkin park - place for my head
well today started out kinda slow. i was about to fall asleep in piano this morning, that is until kevin poked me in the side and then hit me with my own daily planner...that dum ass. then in theory i stole his hat and gave it to another girl. he wasnt to happy about that but oh well hell get over it. then in algebra i got there late so i didnt get my usual seat next to ryan with is all good cause i got the corner and leaned back and again nearly fell asleep. now im talking with mason. i got my reading glasses finally. they are really cute, but i think they might be a bit round for my face, but i still plan on keeping them. thats all for now.
11:46pm 21/01/2003
mood: cold
music: good charlotte - lifestyles of the rich & famous
over all today was good. nothing bad happened, but nothing really exciting either. i chatted away the morning with mason. he has his heart set on me, but i just dont see anything happening between us. but it was nice talking to him, i havent been able to do that in a long while. went to sight and ear and goofed around with kevin, hung out with markell during recital, and was late to schools and society where i sat next to laura. i love that class, the prof is just so great. i can tell that class will be both alot of fun and alot of hard work. but hey it will be worth it in the end when i have a group of students sitting infront of me waiting for me to conduct them thro a wonderful peice of music. i cant wait for that day to come. i noticed that craig skiped recital, that dumbass, and i know this because he was goofing off in the food court after our class when i was heading to s & s. his loss, so he missed our talk on cross rythems. which totally blow my mind. im not very amidextris so this is kinda hard for me. well i think thats it for tonight, im tired and need to get to bed, so good night!
read it and believe it   
04:35pm 21/01/2003
mood: happy
music: simple plan ` im living the worst day ever
"beacuse woman's work is never done and is underpaid or unpaid or boring or repetitious and were the first to get the sack and what we look like is more important then what we do and if we get raped its our fault and if we get bashed we much have provoked it and if we raise our voices were maggin bitches and if we enjoy sex were nymphos and if we dont were frigid and if we love women its because we cant get a REAL man and if we ask our doctor too many questions were neurotic and/or pushy and if we expect community care for childern were selfish and if we stand up for our right were aggressive and unfeminine and if we dont were typical weak femaile and if we want to get married were out to trap a man and if we dont were unnatural and because we still cant get an adequate sage contraceptice but men can walk on the moon and if we cant cope or dont want a pregnancy were mae to fee guilty about abortion and...for lots and lots of other reasones we are part of the woman liberation movement."

this is something that was given to me by a wonderful govt proffesor a few years ago. i feel that it outlines some of the hardships that women have and are still overcoming. just a reminder that ppl all over the world are still dealing with oppression.
09:29pm 20/01/2003
mood: sore
music: watching whose line
today was a good day. started out all quiet, i watch a movie and then played online for a while. than tasha got home and we chatted for a little while. i also got to chat with tiffany for a little bit. i also chatted with the little brother of a girl i went to school with. that was pretty cool. i finally did some cleaning so now you can see my floor. and i have more space for my books. which is great. but there is one thing that really sucks about today, and that is that i dont have any way of getting dinner and i am so hungry. well just to fill you in, the cafe was closed today and the food court was open until 2 pm and i didnt know that. so i am sitting here with out a car or a way to get anything to eat and i am starving. but anyways i need to get to my homework , g'night
another survey to let you in on my world...   
06:47am 20/01/2003
mood: good
music: watching lizzie maguire
MIDDLE NAME: angeline
AGE: 2
HEIGHT: 5'4"
STYLE: comfy
PIERCINGS: twice in each ear
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?: jeans that i altered and my less then jake shirt
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: tv, its a comercail at the moment
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: something salty
HOW ARE YOU?: good
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: procrastination
LIKE TO DRIVE?: not really
FAV TV SHOW: lizie maguire, charmed, dawson's creek, kim possible
FAV SHAMPOO: pantine pro v
FAV BOOK: the last unicorn
FAV THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: anything with my friends
FAV BAND: simple plan, good charlotte, bowling for soup
FAV HANGOUT: there is no specific place
FAV FEELING: being happy
FAV DOG BREED: german sheppard
FAV CAT BREED: not picky
FAV BIRD BREED: not picky
WHERE WILL YOU BE IN FIVE YEARS: out of college teaching
WHERE WILL YOU BE IN TEN: still teaching
WHERE WILL YOU BE IN TWENTY: still teaching...hopefully
WHERE WILL YOU BE IN FORTY: hopefully teaching still
WHERE WILL YOU BE IN SIXTY: retired i guess
GOALS: to show that music is one of the greatest ways to express yourself
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: a long time ago
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: does the one back in kindergarden count?
BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND: not at the moment
SEXUALITY: give me a peice of man beef any day
CURRENT CRUSH: for once i dont have one
ARE YOU TOO SHY?: sometimes
YOUR GREATEST REGRETS: i dont remember any
HAD/HAVE AN ONLINE RELATIONSHIP?: yea, and its the last one i will ever have.
FRACTURE HISTORY: i have not fractured or broken anything yet
OPERATION HISTORY: i have two cists removed from my right breast
HAD STITCHES: on my forehead from when i ran into a bed post
PHOBIAS: that creepy clown will get me
TOMMY: tommy boy
JUSTIN: timberlake
PAUL: farmer
ABBY: dear abby
MIKE: donno
ROB: grrr
MISTY: one of my pofo buds
PHIL: harmonic
VINNY: my cousin, the movie
EDITH: donno
EDWARD: sissor hands
DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: 6 cats, 4 dogs
MOST UNUSAL PETS YOU'VE HAD: a crab that is until it escaped
BEST CURRENT PET: roe my cool puppy
DO YOU HAVE A JOB: band is job enough right now
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE?: some shade of grey blue
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: write, draw, listen to music
LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: this morning during my movie
GOT A REAL LETTER?: last semester
GOT E-MAIL: everyday
LAST THING YOU PURCHASED: snack from the snack machine
YOUR THOUGHTS ON ABORTION: im pro choice, but i could never personaly have an abortion
SMOKING: nasty
EATING DISORDERS: difficult to over come
RAP: some of its ok
MASTURBATION: hey as long as you enjoy it its all good
PREMARITAL SEX: thats a personal decission that you have to make with your partner
RELIGION: dont tell me what to believe in and were cool
just another weekend...   
08:57am 19/01/2003
mood: blah
music: watching speed 2
that i spent lounging around my room. no one was here cause they all had other stuff to do wich is cool cause i ended up wanting to spend some time alone. so it all worked out for the best. i cleaned my room a little and watched a few movies. something that i have not been able to do in a while. it was very nice and relaxing.

i went to a suprise party on friday night with tasha and stephen and ryan and adam. it was a blast. a few drinks (not as much as the reunion party thank god!) some dancing and alot of mingeling. there were a good number of ppl there. was able to chat with michael, daniel, stephanie, the usual guys, ben and a few other ppl. im glad that i decided to go instead of staying home. i had real good time.

but now im a bit tired so i gonna head to bed. g'night
long day over   
11:39pm 15/01/2003
mood: tired
music: "one step closer" linkin park
today was a good day. i started off by chatting a while with craig, we havent been able to do that in about a month. so it was nice to sit down with him again and just talk. then i went to piano and sat there board outa my mind. when that i was over i did the exact same thing in theory cept for the part where i got to talk with kevin some. after that i went to algebra where ryan was nice enough to help me figure out my stupid graphing calculator. and the instructor spent like 30 minutes working out the quadratic equation to get the quadratic about fun...NOT! but anyways, after that i went back to my room where i ate some lunch and played on the puter for a while before i had to go to rehearsal. rehearsal was nice, i played one of the solos and totally screwed it up the first time around. the second time i played it better. then at the end of rehearsal i was given a copy of the oboe part to cover. its a soli with the flute and it looks like it will be fun. i miss being in a concert band. its been like 3 years since high school band, and the only time i would play my flute is when i was practicing for my private lessons. i prefer the large group setting. i also got to talk to markell today, it may not have been much but he was not cold with me for once. its a good start. we might be working on a duet this semester. tuba and flute, it will be interesting. but now its time for me to start getting ready for bed. was a good day, as good as it prolly could go.
kick his as bitch!!!   
10:54am 14/01/2003
mood: energetic
music: "i dont wanna rock" by bowling for soup
srry, just got back from watching my first hockey game. saying that it kicked ass is an understatement. i had so much fun, even tho i dont know what most of the penalties were from. but hey its all good. ill learn! there were so many fights, our guys kicked some rival ass!!! but one of our guys kinda got hurt, when he was thrown down on the ice he hit his head. one of our guys got ejected from the game and like 3 from the other team were also ejected. i guess its good that they have a pretty big team. there were some ppl behind us that were rooting for the other team and when i stood up to let a father and his son by i heard one of them start to complain. kinda pissed me off, so i told my game and we decided to make it a point to stand up as much as possible. but those ppl leave at the 2nd quarter. oh well, their loss. literally. cause the best part of tonight is that we won!!! 5-1 baby! GO WICHITA FALLS RUSTLEERS!!! WHOO HOO!!!

today was also the second day of classes. sight and ear and recital were nothing new but school and society was cool. my friend laura was in there which made me feel better and i met some new ppl as well. it was cool. and the prof is really awesome. he from my home town (well kinda like 45 minutes south but close enough). he drives here and back every week. i dont think i could do that ever. to much driving, its like a 5 hour drive home.

another good thing that happened today is that i got sims hot date to work on my puter. im so happy! i love that game so much, its so addictive. and it is just so much fun to play. i love to put my friends together in a house and control them. create weird love triangles and shit. its so amusing. well im gonna get back to my game now so g'night!