<=GLOBAL_HEAD ;text-decoration: down;cursor: s-resize;font-weight: 20;text-transform: flip;border: solid 1px dashed #66CCFF ;filter:flipv} } ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out TEAwithLemon's Blurty -- Entries
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So long [15 Dec 2003|10:50pm]
[ mood | sad ]

After blurty not working, and me getting frustrated I switched to LJ my user name is magic_so_tragic. Sorry kids I'll greatly miss my beloved Blurty. :tear:

my heart is on the floor

No reply, no surprise [14 Dec 2003|09:36pm]
[ mood | cranky ]
[ music | My Chemical Romance "Drowning Lessons" ]

Midterms start Tues. I'm super stressed, but really excited about Christmas break.

Waiting by your side
Knowing every moment is closer to your flight
Upset with the past, but it's all that holds us now
Believing no lies, telling each other we'll be fine forever-The Early November

Without, without a sound
And I wish you away-My Chemical Romance

my heart is on the floor

Magic so tragic, and still lacking in taste [13 Dec 2003|09:48pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | Northstar "Is This Thing Loaded?" ]

Today Jess and I didnt go downstairs until 12, and then I found out my NCL thing was moved to 1. So she had to leave and I had to hurry up and get ready. Kristen came and picked me up and we went to decorate the nursing home for Christmas. Then I got home and we ate. Then my family went shopping. I was really surprised at how much money my dad was spending, my mom said it 'scared' her. It just makes me mad how he's always making a big deal whenever I want to go shopping, or I ask for money, but then in one day he spends like... huge amounts. Anyway, so then we went over to Mom Moms (Doris was there) we ate spaghetti (and I had 3 oranges <3) and we helped her decorate her xmas tree. I remember when things used to be different. She and Dad Dad used to always have the decorations ready for us. He's gone. A long time ago we used to spend Christmas Eve at Mamal and Papals. Thats impossible now. This year we aren't even going to my cousins for xmas eve, we'll just open are presents with them 'whenever' due to crap that happend last year. I hate it when traditions are broken. I still love Christmas though. I'm super excited about skiing to. Earlier I remembered the dreams I had last night...I had like three of them. One of them I went to Joy's and her whole family had gotten way taller than they were before, it was weird. Then in the other one I just remember Lindsey, and Jessie were in it :-\. Then in the next one I asked Ben if he wanted to do something and he was like "No because I'm with 'so and so' and you are just a 'so'." It was really odd. It makes me sick thinking about how things used to be.

my heart is on the floor

Brak is her hero [13 Dec 2003|12:48am]
[ mood | crazy ]
[ music | Coheed and Cambria-"A Favor House Atlantic" ]

Well tonight has been most interesting. Today was a stupid fun day of school because Charly and I had fun and English. Jesimacaca is here now and we were being hyper like whoa. We were gonna go hang out w/ K and Tea bag and macon it fresh just for you but, my mom said no. So I was the entertainment. Oh and thanks Erica for fixing my journal and making it all beauitmous!

1 stepped on it | my heart is on the floor

The translucent shades burned in the dark bedroom [11 Dec 2003|06:38pm]
[ mood | hyper ]
[ music | Squeeze-"Tempted" ]

You can dance if you want to…you can leave the world behind. AH! Today was mucho funo. I rode the bus home w/ Kim n mah Las and I finally saw this Josh guy. And I really hope that Hudson hooks Kassie up w/ him. Because he stopped cold turkey. And he’s pretty cute, but she thinks he’s gorgeous, so yeah. Anyway, so we talked to Hudson for a little bit. Then we decided to go “old school” and we saw Kevin (he’s still hilarious, and undecided). We also saw Mark and Fefe and Ja Brownie, haha now THAT was funny. Anyway then we walked to Sonic and that was fun because the artist formerly known as Bobo is back! (grass, rrrrrrs, and trashcan all included.) Anyway then I came home and I was in trouble, bleh stupid stuff. Then Alex called and I went outside and hung out w/ him and Ryan for a little bit and now I’m hurr gs. Oh and Gabes a very (hot) cool kid. I don’t know how I feel. Shake it like a hot Mexican.

my heart is on the floor

When the day is fresh I'm coming home again [09 Dec 2003|08:36pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | Dashboard Confessional-"Again I Go Unnoticed" ]

I want things to be normal again. This week is long and crappy. I came home listened to Dashboard and just slept for hours. It was the best part of my whole day.
-To bad you aren't more like the ones that you came from. You know how to think for yourself. Our past is weighing us down and we can't move forward.-

my heart is on the floor

Take a look around [07 Dec 2003|09:44pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]
[ music | The Starting Line-"Saddest Girl Story" ]

Hola! Today I woke up (I woke up, I woke up ;)...you know who I'm talkin' about <---inside joke) anyway, today I got up late so I had to hurry up, eat and take a shower so we could go over to my cousins for Jakes birthday party. We were pretty much over there all day, I hung out with Lauren and we rode the antique firetruck...haha we didnt see anyone we knew though. The driver was kinda odd, he winked at me and asked me an odd question. After Jakes party, I went to Kle's church w/ Lauren and that was fun, Ben was gonna go, but he had to work on a project. Anyway, we watched Bruce Almighty in the youth room & had a b-e-a UTIFUL time. Then, Laurens dad came and got us and now I'm home.

my heart is on the floor

We were meant to live for so much more [06 Dec 2003|11:44pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Woo. Ok so today my family and I went to get an Xmas tree. Grant got upset because I picked it out and he didnt get to, so he ran off and ended up running into some lady...it was funny, yet sad that he got upset. Anyway so after we got our tree I came home and kinda helped my mom decorate for Christmas. Then Jess and Kas came and picked me up and we went to Fuel. Wow it was so much fun, like EVERYONE was there it was so so crowded. I was kinda upset about something, but after seeing all of my friends and seeing one of my favorite bands (Latham) and talking to the lead singer (Jeff.) I felt better. We got there and a band called Amber played first, I was talking during them so I didnt really pay attention...but they sounded good. Then Abbie Normal played next they were SO good, they sounded like Saves the Day and I was pretty close to the front for them, so I ended up getting one of their shirts. Then Faster We Fall played (Gabe & Drews band)...they were loud? heavy? CRAZY? Actually their music was good. The lead singer (Kegan) prayed before and then the devil just started coming out in him...he was crawling on the floor and losing it like whoaa. But, he was showing alot of emotion which was really cool.When they first started playing Gabes guitar almost hit me & two of the Andrews in the head, and Alex kept trying to mosh. Next Latham played, they were amazing, like always and I <3 their new stuff with a passion. Last the Trademark played, their music was pretty good, but we were in the very front. And the singer kept swinging the mic around and it almost hit me, and it DID hit Charly. Then Jessicas mom came to get us and took me Kas, Linz, and Rach home. I walked into our house and my mom was decorating the Christmas tree, Xmas music was playing, and my parents had gotten me Manuels, it made me happy! So after 10 refills of Code Red: Mountain Dew, seeing 5 awwwesome bands play, seeing all my friends (or most of them), and walking into a house that actually feels (and smells like Christmas) I can call it a night. But, first: ANDREW K ASKED JESS OUT YAY! And happy birthday Jakey!! (actually his bday was the 6th and now its 12:04 on the 7th, ah o well) NOW its a night, night kids.

my heart is on the floor

[06 Dec 2003|11:17am]
-Your eyes made me believe in something I couldn't have.-
2 stepped on it | my heart is on the floor

When it comes to matters of the heart, you’re heartless [05 Dec 2003|06:06am]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]
[ music | Coheed and Cambia-"The Crowning" ]

When the gravel turns to oil, was it your intention to be part of it all, or to never take part at all? And now you wont be bothered, but it was never my intention to push you away...away. So light the torches and turn the ringer off, lets get back, yeah we gotta get back to where we once belonged. Be what may... be what may. So light the torches and turn the ringer off, lets get back yeah get gotta get back to where we once belonged. This hunt is for something worthwhile to make us stick, well our goal is getting fuzzy. And our hopes are running dry. Its all a matter of finding the other half of your brain and the whole of your heart. So these optimistic songs we hear mean nothing at all. Because things will never be okay this way. They will NEVER be okay this way. Be what may. So scrimp and save and blow your fingernails dry, and some of the guilt away. But, you know that he's coming...you know that he's coming. Be what may.-Cruiserweight

my heart is on the floor

Oh, watch me now I could do my dance anyhow, but I wanted you to see it. [03 Dec 2003|06:06am]
[ mood | shocked ]
[ music | Cruiserweight-"Cautionary Tale" ]

So I got on the internet about 7 minutes ago just to update I was gonna post song lyrics or something. Well Bens back from Africa, so I imed him to see what was going on. And he was like "I had planned to talk to you today and just tell you how stupid i was and that i just want to be friends again." I feel releived now that the ackwardness is gone...but I was pretty mad before. I can't fully forgive him for what he said, but we can still start talking again.

my heart is on the floor

Stars and Scars [01 Dec 2003|10:29pm]
[ mood | determined ]
[ music | Wakefield "Give Me A Reason" ]

Come back here. We can talk about anything or nothing. Nothing is probably better. Because my words never come out right around you. I'd much rather you hold me. Oh, if you'd accept me again. To be in the arms of betrayal. It is a sweet kind of sick. The kind that has made me realize I need to stop trying to relive moments that are gone. Yes this sweet sick feeling tells me to leave th past alone. But, I don't want anymore days to pass because that means you are more a part of my past. Can't you see that I'm the one who is alone? Behind this sweet smile you have me paranoid. My hands shake. My knees felt weak and there was nothing else to do. I claimed ill, but you told me I wouldn't want to. I remember that night, even though it was pitch black your face was so clear. I started out with nothing and now I have memories. I can't figure out if you just bruised me or if you left me with scars. These stars tell a story of all the broken lovers who looked at them. I can't figure out what is it, but I want more. I want more memories.

2 stepped on it | my heart is on the floor

You look amazing, I wish I was amazing... [01 Dec 2003|07:33pm]
[ mood | angry ]
[ music | Motion City Soundtrack- "Perfect Teeth" ]

I'm so angry every time I think/talk/debate about this whole freakin' situation it frustrates me and just pisses me off. Way to many people know and that just adds to the rest of the crap. It should never have been brought up because it always puts me in a bad mood. Well, I hope you had a good day. I have a lamb named Sverige.

my heart is on the floor

Home sweet home [30 Nov 2003|03:42pm]
[ mood | loved ]

I just got home from Tyler. It was fun, everyone who was there is so awesome and I love them so much. I saw so many people: Dee, Brenda, Mike, Belinda, Kim, Amanda, Vince, Kathy, Chelsea, Kyleigh, Sherry, Fred Lee, Pat, Heather, Mike, Zach, Parker, Patty,Theresa, Don, Aunt Jenny, Uncle Frank, Courtney, Carol Ann, Uncle Joe, Aunt Tiff, Josh, Austin and Jake. Friday we got there and went to Aunt De's house, saw the Farris' and Vinces family, then we went to see Mamal and Papal Primos old house, its in a really run down neighborhood now, but we took pictures anyway. Then my family & the Primos went to check into our hotel. Then, we went to eat mexican food at Patty & Theresas (thats where the Smiths were staying) and EVERYONE was there, literally. I tried Don's 'milk punch', it was so nasty the ingredients were something like brandy, milk, eggs, and sugar yuck. But, the margaritas he made were good. Everyone got a little tipsy Friday night at Pattys...haha. Then Saturday the boys went to hang out with Don and Uncle J, while some of us went to Canton for First Monday (its like a huge flea market.) While we were in Canton we went to see Opals house and they still call it 'the Beard house.' We also saw what used to be her drug store. Then that night most of us went to Dees again for hamburgers and we watched this video and it had Margie, Mamal, Papal, Billy and Dee in it. Courtney and Aunt Jenny started bawling 'seeing Mamal and Papal'. I wanted to start crying to, seeing that video made me realize how much I miss them and how much I wish they were still here, I loved them so much and I wish I would've gotten to spend more time with them. Mamal was the sweetest person EVER and I miss her and Papal so so much. Anyway, then we went back to the hotel and this morning we went to breakfast w/ everyone and said goodbye. Then us and the Primos left, along w/ everyone else, and now I'm home.

my heart is on the floor

Ceneca Oskana [27 Nov 2003|10:08pm]
[ mood | grateful ]
[ music | AFI "Dream of Waking" ]

Happy Turkey day! Today me and mi familia went to Mom Moms, and Doris was there and Uncle Scott came over. The food was soo good and it was pretty fun. We found pictures of Mom Mom and Doris when they were younger and they were fun to look at. Ahh they are both so incredibly sweet to us. I got really hyper when we were playing romicube and started doing my 'european accent'. On the way home we got tacos from Jack in the Crack like we do every year. We came home and I packed for Tyler, I'm excited about going.

my heart is on the floor

Pictures fade [26 Nov 2003|07:53pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]
[ music | Tears for Fears- "Mad World" ]

.*.But if the world could remain in a frame like a painting on a wall, then I think we would see the beauty
then we would stand staring in awe.*.
Sometimes I get frustrated, not with one thing inparticular, just a bunch of stuff. But, I really shouldn't have that much stressing me out. I have it pretty easy and I know that. I just wonder if I'll ever be 100% satisfied with myself. I know that I have been before. But, right now I just feel like I need a guy to feel better, even though I know thats not true. Because when I was the 'happiest' my relationship with God was the best, even though at that time I was ignorantly ga ga over a certain boy, but I didn't have him hurting me constantly. As much as I look forward to the future, the more I think about it there are some moments I wish I could just go back and relive. I wonder if I'll have more moments like that, I hope so... but when they're here I take them for granted and don't realize what I have until later. I mean I'm young I'm bound to have a bunch of good times ahead of me right? And there will be other guys to love? Well, how do I know if thats true? How am I supposed to possibly know? I don't know and thats what scares me. On a happier note tommorrow is Thanksgiving and its Darbys birthday. Happy Birthday to him!

my heart is on the floor

Shake it like a polaroid picture [26 Nov 2003|06:13pm]
[ music | Reel Big Fish- "Somebody Loved Me" ]

_I think somebody loved me once, but I can not remember_
Hmm hmm hmm yesterday I got my hurr and eyebrows did. I also went to the ortho and got a date to get my braces off woo woo. I talked to CA.I don't know, maybe she really is trying to be nice... I also babysat for Jake and Josheeewa yesterday. Ah they're so much fun. I <3 my cousins. Jake was trying to put ice down the front of his own pants, it was great. Then today we had 'family bonding' we went to see 'Haunted Mansion' it was pretty good. I saw Kim M. -n- Amy @ the movies. Family bonding...eh its not really my idea of fun. I wanted to meet Ua @ the movies later tonight, but my parents arent gonna want to drive BACK to the mall. It just makes me kinda mad because I don't get to see my friends all weekend. Oh well. I saw Joy at the mall!! I was so happy I haven't seen her in forever. She was w/ Josh and Mama Cracker. My dad looked at Josh funny, it was grreeat. I need to see Joy more I miss her so much. I also talked to Darby aah that SC hottie, lol... his birthdays tommorrow! He said he'd like to visit Christmas, but he really doesn't think he can. :( its not his fault. Ah and Hudsons at his moms. Alright enough complaining! P.S. LSBC is innocent.

my heart is on the floor

Do I enjoy this? [24 Nov 2003|08:09pm]
[ mood | mellow ]
[ music | Dashboard Confessional- "Awake" ]

This gate I've tried to lock
Though, you keep pushing through
I know you don't want to be here, in my thoughts
When I think of how you said goodbye
How you left all of this behind
I don't know if you'll be coming back for it...
I'm not sure if I'll be better
When you're away you can't hurt me
But, you can always make me cry.
So here I lie
Between my road and yours
I can't make you cross it
But, I have a feeling you'll run over me
(^ not my best, but eh)

For the years it takes to see you
'Til I almost lose my mind
'Cause I'll never be alright
And I'm sorry you had to see this
But I'm such a mess
And I never could forget

I'm scared I'll miss the way we used to talk
And if its all forever lost dont wanna know
I'm scared that you're the one that got away
And I want you here with me
Tonight, will never come

my heart is on the floor

No, I just look like her [24 Nov 2003|06:36pm]
[ mood | giddy ]
[ music | Bowling For Soup "Emily" ]

So last night I spent the night @ Kassies and today we went to the Galleria. The Galleria...Urban Outfitters... what can I say? It gives me heart palputations. I got a skirt, 3 shirts, and a jacket. After shopping we were exhausted so we sat at a table and I threw ice at strangers, it was fun...until the lady next to us found out what I was doing. Oh well it was fun while it lasted. :)

my heart is on the floor

He's got it together. [22 Nov 2003|09:39pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Latham ]

-I came to comfort you, but you weren't there. I know you didn't need me at all, but I needed to hold you.-
I was thinking (I think alot) & I over analyze things, which results in me being paranoid. Anyway, I really feel like I'm moving on...it could be a result of alot of things, but...I'm not as naive. Naive meaning, I think things should be a certain way in my head and I plan them all out, and when they end up turning out completely differently, I'm crushed. Well how naive is it to think that way? That things will always be how I want? I woke up this morning, and I just had this awful feeling at the bottom of my stomach. It was like a reality check, it was kind of like the last three months flashed before my eyes and I didn't like the way it made me feel. I feel as though my intentions are good, but I don't know I let people down. Anyway, Mom Mom and Doris came over tonight for dinner w/ me and mah family. It was "family night". I had plans to go to the bonfire w/ Curly Kim, Benny Boo and Stephanie Poo went. But...since it was family night, ya know I didn't end up going. Not that I'm complaining that I had to spend time w/ my family, its just that I'm spending all week w/ em and I'll be gone next weekend so I won't get to see my friends then. Mom Mom and D were lookin @ some of my pictures, in the homecoming pictures Doris saw Patrick and was like, "He's good looking." haha. Then she saw the Thrice pictures of Teppei and goes, "It looks like he's got it together." It was funny.

my heart is on the floor

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