Blurty for *ForD*FocuS*CrazI*.

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Saturday, October 30th, 2004

Subject:Ever feel like the whole world is out to get you?
Time:12:48 am.
Mood: lonely.
Music:"I wanna know"- Joe.
Its been awhile n a lot has happened.......... A LOT... well i went to homecoming on the was okay it was me nick sarah jason nicole dannyand kayleigh dinner was hilarious ........saw a few i didnt think i would see at a gross homeecoming but they were there (i wasnt overjoyed about that)

most everything i have done lately had something to do with school for once i just want to do something that doesnt belong to school i want it to be all me nothing else but me and what i want to do and with who ever i want to do it with

went shopping at some point between today and the last time i updated.... i got some new shirts and a new phone.... i FINALLY have a cell phone thank GOD

next week i think or two weeks from now i finnaly have some days off school... i need it i need sleep... at least on sunday i can set me clock back.....MORE SLEEP FOR ONE NIGHT...YAAAAAAAAY you have no idea how much i need that sleep... for some reason i cant sleep sodly anymore maybe i am way to stressed... who knows but that could be why....i dont like living at my house

went to a bryan game on the...hmmmm....i think the like the 16th or the 22nd or something i dont really remember...... ------ALSO saw my first real fight the other morning JOY at mercy no one really ever fist fought but at bryan ppl dont really care i guess...who knows but i dont think its worth getting kicked out b/c of a stupid fight that had really no point to begin with.........EH who knows

i was going to try out for the basketball team, considering 3 senoirs came up to me n told mei should, but i decided not to... to much time away from the things and people i love and i dont feel like giving up that much of my social life i go to games to socialize and playing would take those nights away... so i dont think i will try out

i really miss all my friends at mercy.... i went to the mercy dance after the game didnt have much fun but i enjoyed seeing some of my old friends again..... i miss the fun i had at mercy just jackin around and not caring who saw..... wow the memories are great i still remember when me cook jason n mike went to lazer storm....GrEAT FuN!!!! i wish i could go back n just feel okay to be the real and never afraid "me"

well tonite SUCKED ASS! school was great i had fun being "adam" with long hair n boobs (most of you wont understand) we made fishies in english and started our childrens books: they are gonna be so cute!!!! Then i had math:ZZZZZzzzzz i could sleep through that class n pass... PE was okay today except the last 20 minutes...thats when things turned to hell.... ashley i gets on my fucking nerves my last one too she just all around pisses me off everything aobut her pisses me off!!! so i got outta gym n then had CAD and computer froze so i sat there the whole class and stared at the wall (well Denton did come over and talk to me we he got done with his drawing since his computer worked) BORING ------so after school i went home grabbed my crap n left... went with nick n he helped me on math then we played some airplane playstation game it was cool though then we watched a league of their own (thats one of the reasons i love him: he will just sit down n watch a chick flick with me if i'm having a bad day n he doesnt care...but i guess thats what the bestest friend in the whole widest world is for) so then we went n ate at runza Nick c was working the drive thru so it was cool i guess... then we went to a movie... we saw Sharktale because its really all we had time for it was cute though saw about a bizziliion ppl from bryan there but there wasnt a football game so that explains all that... then the night all went to hell.... i feel like i cant do it rite i cant do anything rite i feel like i need to be better like i need to be someone else and change who i am ::sighs and fights back the tears::

******Theres that person that you want to be thier everything...everything they need, everything they want, and you would do ANYTHING in the world to make them happy and would give up ANYTHING for them....but then you realize you cant do that and it crushes you and you feel alone and just want to burst into to tears but cant because they are there and you know that would make them feel terrible so u dont but then you walk through the door and you cant seem to help it -you have to cry...........
~>i need someone to talk to
i wish for that even just one day things would go right for me and i could make people happy<~

~ ~, ~ ~,
> LotZ OF LovE >
^ ^

"Cold"- Crossfade

Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannnot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold to you

And I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now i can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high
I never meant to be so cold

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me theres just no hope
I never meant to be so cold
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Saturday, October 9th, 2004

Subject:WoW its been over a month......
Time:3:27 pm.
Mood: crazy.
Music:"cold"- crossfade.
WOW....i cant believe i havent updated in so long....but i just havent had the time with school, parties, football games, friends, just everything.......

Well i love bryan...thought i wouldnt but i do BLOCKS ARE GRRRRRRREAT!!!!!! <-----best thing in the world
i have h.english 5/6 with ms.franks i love her shes a peach
then h.algebra 3/4 with carruthers he really needs to retire REALLY!
then advisement....AKA homeroom
LUNCH... i love having 1st lunch b/c i just go straight to lunch n not to class
then i have team sports w/ mr.bartels hes such a crack up....we fight over baseball everyday its great
finally CAD its so awesome i love that class bowder just needs to get off ppls a$$es

well at a football game i happened to run into someone who me n her used to hate and despise eachother but to my surprise she came up and talk to me...we didnt fight nothing just talked like nothing had ever happened in the past which i think im kinda thankful for b/c i really wanted that shit to end

o...homecoming was on my bithday this year...OCT 2nd.... i had some much fun my friends threw me a big party n i had a blast.... CHRISTINA I LOVE YOUR SONGS! they all love nick n he loves them so its all good... Hes (in christinas words) an awesome head LMAO she cracks me up

i have gross's homecoming on the mine was so much fun n gross's well it just isnt the funnest.... and my friends are more outgoing n like to dance NICK's friends well they are kinda quiet but i still love 'em theyre great..... we just need to find Nick C a date b/c jason n sarah are already going but he isnt so we have to find him a date in like 7 days

last night i went to gordmans n super target n i was proud of myself b/c i only spent $8 but nick was w/ me n he wants me to save my money so that helped some then we both went to my grammas n hung out for a while n got in the hottub for a bit we were going to go to the movies tonite but i think i wanna watch the Husker game n eat n just hang out at his house for awhile.....

well im hungry so im gonna go...i promise to try n write back soon :-D

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*LotZ OF LovE*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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Friday, August 20th, 2004

Subject:McDonalds, 3 South Football Players.... WANNA KNOW?
Time:8:54 pm.
Mood: flirty.
Music:"The Remedy"- Jason Mraz.
Well went into Mickey D's and they were sitting at the table right by the door n the one closest to me as i walked in was like how are you n i just smiled...then after i got my food n was filling up my grammas drink they started talking to me they asked how old i was and what my name was n then asked if i knew some ppl from bryan n i said no im transfering there this year and came from mercy and they knew a few people from there so they asked me about those ppl n then came the embarrassing last name and if u dont understand just IM me ill tell ya...but then i left n they kept waving~~~~

my day wasnt going to hott til then it was a good pick me up even though ill prolly never see them again which isnt really a bigg deal but i shulda said thanx b/c they made me feel good which can be kinda hard to do

im goin to Fun Plex tonite at like 9:15 til midnight w/ nick & some of his family...i dunno i dont find fun plex that much fun but thats just mebut ill try n have fun for him :-D

trying to keep up w/ the olympics which isnt working well...grrrr...i just wish i had more time in my day o well school starts in 6 days so im overjoyed...NOT... i dunno i guess im excited but im not at the same time..::sighs:: but thats life so theres not much i can do about it

well i have to go nick will be here EXTREMELY soon

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~LotZ OF LovE~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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Wednesday, August 18th, 2004

Subject:Well Its Definatley Been Awhile
Time:11:34 am.
Mood: weird.
Music:"vindicated"- dashboard confessional.
WOW this is wierd... Nick started school and it feels weird not talking to him ::sighs:: ........ but it does make me laugh because i dont start school til next thursday... i have over a week until i start school HAHA

wow its been almost two weeks since i updated last but i do have 2 good reasons:
1. too busy: was out having fun w/ friends
2. no computer: when ur not home its kinda hard to update

~~thursday (8/12) i went to club with nick n had a blast until it started to rain eh o well... i tried fishing (that was an adventure) i didnt catch anything but his dad did... we rode on the boat and the fourwheelers for awhile... i guess i go to fast :D eh bite me i love the speed :D
~~friday (8/13) was even better.. WORLDS OF FUN W/ NICK... need i say more? o well i am...... well we went on the Mamba about 700 times, the boomerang was purty fun but we only went once b/c the lines were HORRIBLE, we went on the Zulu and this girl 2 in front of us puked when we stopped GROSS! Janeane wanted to go on the taxis but the line was to long and nick didnt wanna but we did go on the train which was kinda nice, grrrr....we went on the fury of the nile and guess who got the most wet... yep me n nick o well we all laughed so hard the one funny thing is that normally kristen wuldnt go on half these rides but because i was there she went on everything i did i thought it was cute :D o n i won a monkey.. i was excited b/c hes super cute hes green n tan n i love it! it was kinda cold out when the sun wasnt out but we went to OCEANS OF FUN newayz n just about froze! there was one pool the was kinda warm so we swam in that pool n went down the slides that led to that was so much fun but the greatest part was the ride home it was the best wow nick knows what im talking about :D MWAH I LOVE YA SEXY(nick)

not much has happened since then except last night i went over to nicks n we babysat his cousin dill... hes the cutest baby in the world! after nicks family got home we went n played the sims 2 player on ps2 for awhile it was fun

newhoz i gots to go cuz im goin to quzinos n then target or bakers n the n CJs
might write more later

~*~LotZ OF LovE~*~
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Saturday, August 7th, 2004

Subject:if you can imagine it - you can achieve it - if you can dream it - you can become it
Time:2:08 pm.
Mood: productive.
Music:"My Happy Ending"- Avril Lavgine.
must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run ... okay im done now.......

but i honestly have to run b/c i want my dress to look PERFECT and i think itll look better if i start running (butt & thighs- less fat more muscule) i also am going to start doing crunches (stomach & sides- less fat more muscule) i want to look perfect this year at homecoming ::sighd:: but i am surprised b/c i usually just say i want to run & do crunches and its kinda weird how a stupid dress can change it to were i actually WANT to run n do crunches... but one thing that is really awesome is that my best friend (hehe- Nick :-D) is willing and wants to do those things with me... which makes me wanna do them even more b/c now i have someone to do it w/ and best of all it is him :-D YAY!!!!!

im so excited for nick c though- him n megan make a cute couple... to me at least :-D............... i just wish that sarah (jason's g/f) didnt think i hated her b/c i really dont, there was just one thing that bugged me n thats over n done with so its all good n i dont n never did hate her.............. i dunno, o well i guess life goes on

wow i miss talking to cook-ie, shes such a doll! i shuld call her sometime n see if she wants to hangout but eh i dunno it depends on things- maybe shed want to go w/ us this week or weekend....hmmmmm

me n nick, tara n marc(if they want to go), nsome other ppl are prolly gonna all hangout n do sumthin (not sure waht yet but sumthing) this week or weekend b4 school starts... if u wanna join us let me know :-D.... purty much anyone could come just gimme a call, leave me an IM, or Email me......................

im kinda excited b/c my homecoming n my birthday are on the same day.... which to me is very exciting.... i know who im gonna take to homecoming...hehehe guess who ;-)............ wow i get presents, get to look awesome, get to hangout n dance w/ all my friends, get to go out to eat, n the list goes on n on.......... BUT i am determined to look ~P~E~R~F~E~C~T~ and I WILL!!! (i hope:-D)

well my momma will be here soon so i gotz to get ready.........

must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run must run im seriously done

G2G... Kisses N Hugs
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~LotZ OF LovE~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
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Friday, August 6th, 2004

Subject:Dying For A DQ French Vanilla Moolatte!
Time:11:03 pm.
Mood: crushed.
Music:she will be loved- maroon5.
havent updated in awhile... dont really have an excuse... but nothing much has happened either

went to miniture golfing yesterday n ya i lost AGAIN! i suck but i really dont care b/c we go to have fun n thats all that matters

ONE BIG THING DID HAPPEN.... i got my homecoming dress n bryan's homecoming is dead on my birfday! newhoz my dress is so awesome... I LOVE IT... its lght blue w/ beaded flowers n crystals and it has a very slight train w/ those on it.... it was originally 95$ haha i got it for 16$ (eh what can i say im a bargain shopper)

not really anything else has happened i guess... my life happens to be purty boring at the moment

people, decisions, actions, life can crush you
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*LotZ OF LovE*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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Wednesday, July 28th, 2004

Subject:ShoP TiL YoU DroP!~!~!
Time:5:06 pm.
Mood: ecstatic.
Music:"Catalyst"- New Found Glory.
YAY! i got to go school shopping for clothes! we went to gordman's...i went nutz!!!!!!! ($235- nutz)
-jean skirt w/ pink striped belt
-pink shirt
-jean shorts w/ pink striped belt
-pink polo shirt
-pink cord skirt w/ matching pink blazer
-white tank top
-green cords
-light green & white overshirt
-khaki cords
-blue eeyore shirt
-jeans w/ a brown belt
-hot pink w/ flowers bustier(sp?) purse and pink bows n diamonds
-pink jansport backpack
*~*~still need some other things:~*~*
-shoes (tennis shoes)
-new b's, u's, & t's (white b's & cute u's & t's)
-cute socks
-gym clothes
******I LOVE GOING SHOPPING!!!******

went to walmart last night to get school supplies i did very well n only spent $13.30:
-4 binders (since i only have 4 classes a day)
-8 notebooks (i go through 'em so friggen fast)
-4 folders that are o so cute
-pens (red blue & black erasable)
-4 stretchy book covers (since its public u have to cover ur books)
~*~*still need some other things:*~*~
-color pencils
-maybe more pens, pencils, & highlighters
-eh maybe some other things

i'm actually kinda excited for school- eh i really dont like how that sounds but o well its the truth and from past expierience i have learned to stick to the truth.......... well there is orientation on the 10th, 11th, & 12th of august n i have to go being a new student there n all (bryan is the offical choice of schools<--not to excited about this one)

i have already started on christmas presents..... might as well start early i guess..... i have birthdays comming up to! grrrr....... so much to buy n so little money- i really need to get a job

went to quiznos n scooters today -yumm........ then went to bakers n scared the crap outta my friends... i stood right behind 'em until they turned around... i got a good laugh :-D

starting another blanket n finishing 2 others-- i really should just start n finish 1 at a time...... i have a pastel n cherry one to finish, a bright colored stars n hearts one to finish, n a __________ one to start for someone for christmas (sorry but i cant tell ya what its gonna be though)............. going to go put sone pieces together for the balnkets n prolly go to the store to get more stuff for 'em...............

Going to the store

LotZ OF LovE
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Sunday, July 25th, 2004

Subject:"did u hear that one?" "yeah.....YOU ATE IT!!!" "DAMMIT!!!"
Time:6:43 pm.
Mood: distressed.
Music:"Living On A Prayer"- Bon Jovi.
~*~*~*~*~*~*sorry this is prolly gonna be a long one*~*~*~*~*~*~

haha yesterday was a blast. Me, Nick (my bestest friend in the whole widest world AKA my BFITWWW), & Tara went to the mall even though certain mothers were having a fit b/c we went to westroads. i ended up not buying anything even though i really wanted this purse. the only person who bought something was nick n he bought a poster of "things not to say to a police officer" from favorite is >well officer when i leaned over to grab my crack pipe my gun fell off my lap and got lodged in the gas pedal causing me to speed out of control< hahaha i LUV it! we took Tara to work n later Me, Nick, Brian, & Kristen went to boulder creek (after we got lost on our way there) to go minature golfing n then we went to Sonic n it was so funny- for the 4 of us we spent like $35 and when we pulled up the guy at the counter asked if we were feeding an army and was expecting us to pull up in a i couldnt stop laughing. after i got home i was beat so i read so HP and watched some RENO 911 & South Park before i went to bed
took a trip to osco n osco (where everything is a bajillion% off) i found the cutest pink nail polish! i think i might use it tonight-it matches my really cute pink skirt n my new O'Neill sundress (from goodwill i must say). i bought like a bajillion hair ties for $2, too. i really need a new purse..dammit! i wish i wulda got that one at the mall yesterday!!!

i was supposed to go to the movies today n see dodgeball but that never happened--owell. eh, i might go to a gross vs. papio lavista baseball game at gross tonight at maybe. all i know is that right now i am really dying for a DQ moolatte and some Rolos.........mmmm YUMMY!...........

wow i am really starting to realize all the friends i wont see everyday at mercy and no more crane coffee before school, no more late start trips to osco n BK, <--ugh, this is so depressing:-(...::sgihs::.....i really need to hangout with them.....NO i MUST hang out with them...there now i have no choice but to do it. its going to be so different at bryan:
1. BOYS- there will be boys constantly umlike at mercy where its just u n a bunch of ppl who always know what u mean
2. only 4 classes a day- eh this might be nice but that means if i have a teacher i dont like i have to be with them for a longer period per day
3. no friends- well yea i do have friends at bryan but almost all of the of the best bonds i have made with people are those that i have made with ppl at mercy:
(nicole f- wow itll be so hard with no more afterschool talks :-( u helped me through so much) (ashley f- man this sux dammit i have lost my bestest duke buddy! but we still HAVE to go to cameron together one day!) (abbers- wow the inside jokes we have shared- those will never ever ever be forgotten n we WILL hangout we wont let schools ruin our friendship) (maggie w- wow no more chem class, no more boys, no more chem feild days, u were my buddy when it came to those things i really wish we wulda had more chances to hangout) (my lunch table- wow lunch will be so odd not sharing it with you im gonna miss our lunch "buffet" of eachother's food) (mary e- we made it through coyles class thank god! PE was great!!! too bad we didnt hangout more we had so much fun when we did) (courtney c- wow we survived HOTA hehe we always worked together n thats gonna suck cuz i wont have you to work with at Bryan but we will still have go to gross football games together maybe ill see u at the zoo) (emily g- wow football games were always fun we have to go to them this year 2 n it was great fun seeing u at our sister's games maybe ill get to see you at the zoo) (katie c- cookie wow im gonna miss u n all the funtimes we had it was a blast...lasertag, freddy vs jason, nicks its gonna be hard to leave it all behind- n thanx for not abandoning me when the other 90% of your friends did it showed u were a true friend) (katie k- wow ICA was great...thanx for coming to my bifday party i luved the lotion we really shulda hung out more n thanx for bein my friend even when ur friends would get pissed at u for talking to me) ***IF I FORGOT U LET ME KNOW N ILL PUT U IN HERE***
4. new everything- n i am one who HATES change so this is really gonna suck!
GGGRRRRRRRRRRRR...but i dont wanna leave mercy n then again i do.......GGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
n to just think about everything i will miss:
-gradutating with all of my dearest friends

NEWHOZ i gotz to go n eat my dinner
if u ever wanna hangout- call me!

~*~*~*~*~*~*LotZ OF LovE*~*~*~*~*~*~
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Thursday, July 22nd, 2004

Subject:*Let the rain fall down....* <--How Bout We Dont
Time:8:32 pm.
Mood: hyper.
Music:"Dare You To Move" -Switchfoot.
it the friggen middle of summer n it has been like 50 friggen degress out some daiz n it just wont stop raining!!! hello it is summer lets get some sunshine k?

ok im better now....talked to sam today n shes gonna find someone n they are gonna go with us on saturday we have decided to go to the mall or the zoo depending upon the weather. wow ok life is so damn confusing n i swear to god if jessie doesnt stop her Bullshit someone is gunna kick her ass. talked to tara today, shes such a sweetie, n its cool b/c we can relate and we actually have stuff to talk about! GRRRR...but my BFITWWW needs to stop bein so cranky, NOTE TO YOU: its ur parents they are meant to bug the shit out of u........ok well newayz friday i think we are gonna go see the notebook- yay i really wanna see this movie! n then saturday to the zoo or mall n if u wanna go just lemme kno....then sunday i think im prolly gonna go see dodgeball. yea i think i drank to much mountain dew today which is prolly why i am so friggen hyper. so i talk to "T" again n i dunno i think "T" might hate me now but i guess u kinda have to deal with it, but then again maybe he doesnt, friggen i dunno. owell.............................::bouces of the walls::......................................yea definately to much of the MD. i really hope it doesnt rain b/c i really wanna go to the zoo on saturday n i hope bunches of ppl will go. i kinda wanna hang out with cookie again b/c i always have fun around her ::sighs:: i havent talked to her i about a bajillion years.

::microwave dings:: o i gotz to go my spagettios are done

LotZ OF LovE
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Wednesday, July 21st, 2004

Subject:We Were Meant To Live For So Much More...
Time:11:06 pm.
Mood: tired.
Music:"She Will Be Loved"- Maroon 5.
im so tired from mowwing for 3 hours!

so yes we fought once again....

today i friggen had to mow the lawn which is a bitch to do, then i went out to eat chinese for dinner -yummy i love crab rangoon- after that i went to bakers to get a 24 pack of mountain dew, bandaids, n neosporn (sp) well i finally met Tara. shes real sweet n all n she seems like a nice person. my bestest friend in the whole widest world who i love o so much was there but he didnt look happy so i let him be. haha i took some quizzes n found out that my inner child is 10 years old, i am the swear word asshole, i am a surprise kiss, n as a sign of affection i am a kiss on the lips. later i called "tigger" (haha amanda will get it) n we might go to a movie sunday with amanda n some other friends. that means my weekend is purty much full...
FRIDAY- movie n painting with kristen
SATURDAY- something with my BFITWWW dunno what yet but something (i want to go shopping)
SUNDAY- movies with friends ***MUST FIGURE OUT RIDES***

but NEWAYZ i gotz to go..............

***Mw:-*aH*** **Mw:-*aH**
LotZ OF LovE
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Blurty for *ForD*FocuS*CrazI*.

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