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Jessica

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[24 Sep 2004|05:10pm]
how long have you
lied to me
used me
led me on
it cant go on like this
i was gonna be sorry
but not anymore
that was sposed to be MY speech
you may have beat me to it
but i still feel the same
< . x . < . xhold me for all timex . > . x . >

[17 Sep 2004|09:43pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]


[its true you kno]
god i have no idea what im talking about
ive been really..weird..i guess..lately..
just dont kno whats going on anymore
seems like i dont have anything under control
not that it wasnt like that before..
but its different now
no one understands and ive just realised that maybe i want someone to
i just confuse myself..


something good: got my cellie phone back!! yay!

something..something: REALLY want to go see MEST, PUNCHLINE, HAWTHORNE HEIGHTS, and BAYSIDE at starland ballroom on halloween! how cool is that? but i dunno if i can go..tix are only $12.50 but my moms like meehh so i dunno if shes gon let me go..
another something: going to daddys on sunday cos my moms going to someone's [that she doesnt kno] wedding with Ed or 'joe' as alex calls him (dont ask)..sooo..yea..

1 comment| < . x . < . xhold me for all timex . > . x . >

[16 Sep 2004|01:49pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

Why is marijuana not legal?
It’s a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
Do you know what’s not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That’s not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We’re dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,
but we’re putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?
You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can’t watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: “Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?”
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it.
Half the time I don’t even know what the commercial is…
people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
I’m like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.

The schools now… It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.
Build the kids’ self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?
What’s going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don’t just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals
before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears,
where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?

Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don’t you think?
They’re not masterminds.
“OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack.
And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?”
“Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can’t I just…”
“Who’s the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?”

Americans, let’s face it: We’ve been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity. They say we’re in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like it is polio. Like we’ll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
“How’d you get through it grandpa?”
“Oh, it was horrible Johnny,
there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere.”

Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.
I’ll sit at a drive thru.
I’ll sit there behind fifteen other cars
instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large.
You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker. There’s room in the back. Take it!
Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It’s only three more cents.

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there’d be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your ass
before you start to think,
“You’ll see. I’m going to take of the world of computers! I’ll show them.”

We’re in one of the richest countries in the world,
but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.
I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that’s what I’m going to use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard.
People love to judge homeless guys.
Like if you give them money they’re just going to waste it.
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do?
Save it up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack?
He’s homeless!
I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don’t you go get a job you bum.
People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.
This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants. I’m guessing his resume isn’t all up to date.
I’m predicting some problems during the interview process.
I’m pretty sure even McDonalds has a “underwear goes inside the pants” policy.
Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I’m sure it is on the books.

1 comment| < . x . < . xhold me for all timex . > . x . >

[15 Sep 2004|05:38pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | no doubt : tragic kingdom : dont speak ]

its been a while..

in the past:
off from school tomorrow [dunno whether to be happy or not bout that]..i dunno what im doing..maybe ill have someone over or something..
>might be going to dads this weekend again..i dunno yet

kiah says she thinks morgan ''still likes me as a friend" and there all "concerned about my little problem" well they can all go screw themselves because i kno thats b.s. they just want to make my life as miserable as possible cos as long as there happy nothing else matters in the world.

haha funny convo to kinda cheer up this entry-
pearl was going through my purse (dont ask) n pulled out my lil medication thing
pearl: wtf is this?
me: -kinda laughing- ahh thats something im not really sposed to have on me in school..
pearl: -confused- k...
madison: -whispering- its her medication smart one!
pearl: oh! -stuffs it back in there-
yea..i guess you kinda had to be there..

1 comment| < . x . < . xhold me for all timex . > . x . >

[10 Sep 2004|04:20pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

crappy day yesterday
just as (if not more) crappy today
its just crap du jour i guess

why does everyone have to get involved with my life?
its my buisness and they should stay out
especially if they dont want to have anything to do with me anymore

< . x . < . xhold me for all timex . > . x . >

[10 Sep 2004|04:20pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

crappy day yesterday
just as (if not more) crappy today
its just crap du jour i guess

why does everyone have to get involved with my life?
its my buisness and they should stay out
especially if they dont want to have anything to do with me anymore

< . x . < . xhold me for all timex . > . x . >

[28 Aug 2004|09:45pm]
[ mood | naughty ]
[ music | otep : jihad ]

still here at my dads (well obviously..) today was kinda kewl i guess..i took another shower cos i felt disgusting from the chlorine in my aunts pool. my dads got a whirlpool jacuzzi thing n one of those sunflower shower heads that feels like rain. its cooler than the other side of the pillow. when dad came home from work we all went to aunt lindas. christina and rachel were gonna go swimming but they forgot there bathing suits so aunt linda gave them t-shirts n they went swimming in them. dad went back home for a while to take a shower n whatnot n he came back later. katie came out n we talked for a while about concerts n school n the heat n all that good crap n ate dinner n then she left to go to her b.fs (ive recieved confirmation that his name is brent). kelly was out by the pool for a lil while then he went to get a dog bed for lacey then when he came back he mostly stayed inside. i found out that what he smelled like [probably] wasnt pot but vanilla cigars. we left about 6.00 n went to walmart (god i hate that place) to get rachel some new shoes cos hers broke. tomorrow we are prolly gonna go see a movie. wendy was gonna suggest to my dad that we go to new hope PA but i dunno if hell take us cos he can be a poop sometimes.

1 comment| < . x . < . xhold me for all timex . > . x . >

[28 Aug 2004|01:42pm]
[ mood | morose ]

hehe today im at my dads house n im staying till late tomorrow i think.. right now my dads working >_our weekend. later though we might see a movie. well prolly not actually. me n my sisters all want to but i dont think dad does. which i think is stupid because he should do something with us that we want to do on our weekend. you think? plus this is one of the first times ive seen him in like 3 weeks and he keeps saying how he misses me n things but i dont see him spending time with me now that im here. qu'est le point?
yesterday me n the sisters were at aunt lindas all day cos dad was working..we all went swimming in her pool n since i forgot my bathingsuit i wore katies wicked awesome one that i was tempted to keep. i talked to kelly for the first time in like a year n a half. hes pretty cool n told me i ''got really tall really fast. kinda scary" and i that should def come over more often but i think yesterday was the last time any of us would be over there this summer. kelly works at carabbas (or how ever you spell it) and he smelled like either food or pot (i couldnt tell which..it might have been both) which reminded me why i hadnt seen him in so long. i tried not to think about it though..i talked to katie briefly also..she had plans to hang with her boy (brent i think his name is)

god my life is boring..

-sigh- c'est la vie, no?

<3 jess

< . x . < . xhold me for all timex . > . x . >

[23 Aug 2004|03:16pm]
[ mood | lazy ]
[ music | kittie : until the end ]

sammy just went home n now im bored..on friday me n sammy went to the 4h fair cos her grampa has some bunnies there. we saw steve o n mike cameroni but only for like a second n then sams mom came n dropped me n sam off at the mall n we saw without a paddle n then went n got some food n my mom came n picked us up. on saturday lol i dont really remember what we did but i remember ed came over in the evening n he n my mom watched the italian job while me n sam were helping my sisters harrass people in chat rooms n then we watched some of the italian job (which was actually pretty good..i thought it was some gay movie about the mafia lol but it wasnt..plus it had seth green in it..) when my mom n ed went to bed me sam n christina watched goldmember. on sunday we all went to tillmans ravine n then buttermilk falls which were beautiful..i dont kno why we dont go there more often. we went to chilis n then when we got home me n sam played th pro skater then watched music videos n adult swim till we went to sleep... now theres nothing to do.. -_-x

< . x . < . xhold me for all timex . > . x . >

[20 Aug 2004|09:30pm]
yay!! sammys sleepin over today!!!!!! we went to the 4h fair n then the mall n we saw without a paddle!!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2 comments| < . x . < . xhold me for all timex . > . x . >

[16 Aug 2004|02:10pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]
[ music | Melee : The War ]

oh wow busy busy [ish] weekend.. i was sposed to go to my daddys on friday and stay till sunday but i went over sammys instead. my dad was being all weird about it like trying to give me a guilt trip n what-not that sounded like he was joking but i think he was kinda serious n now i have to go over his house sometime this week but i dont really mind. on friday ellen n sam n them were over to pick up alex cos she slept over the night before. we all kinda hung out at my house for a while n pulled some tarot cards (im not gonna say what mine meant) i went home with sam but we didnt leave till like almost 12 n then we went to wendys. when we got to there house me n sam n alex watched part of Metropolis (which i left over there by accident -_-'') then went to sleep n watched the rest in the morning. on saturday me n sam played the sims on gamecube most of the day n then went to Musikfest where all these people kept commenting on me n sams hats (sam had a fuzzy blue/purple/black hat n i was wearing sams fuzzy pink hat) then we left at about 11 n when we got back to sams house we went on the computer for a lil while n i kinda fucked with jennas head a lil n updated my xanga for the first time since april. then we watched part of Under the Tuscan Sun. on sunday me n sam walked over to Julias n then we all went to the deli which was closed so sam had the wonderful idea that we all ride Julias ghetto bikes over to mcdonalds (one had no petals and one was really really small and the other one was fine except it was really big) n we kept trading bikes cos we all wanted to ride the good one. it took forever to get to mcdonalds n then on the way back we were all really tired n sam decided we should go through Asbury for a lil while n then coming back from Asbury the most ghetto bike with no petals got a flat tire when Julia was riding it so she threw it into some weeds n walked the rest of the way back n put the bikes back at Julias n then walked over to Jaimees cos Sam didnt want to go back to her house yet cos her grandparents were there n Julia wanted us all to go swimming in her pool so we went to Jaimees to get part of Sams bathingsuit n we all sat in Jaimees backyard for about 1/2 an hour/hour just talking then me n Sam went back to her house at like 7 n we played alien autopsy which is a weird game kinda like operation then Joey O n Steven came n asked if me n Sam would come to the park with them for a while so we went with them n they skateboarded n lit toilet paper from the porta potty on fire n Joey put some around a bench seat n lit it cos he wanted to see the fire go around the bench but Steven was being a pussy n yelled at him to put it out cos he was scared someone would see but there was no one there sept on the highway n me n Sam were like dude no ones gonna see it n joeys like whoa there on my side n then Steven broke the tail of his skateboard n got all mad at Joey cos it was somehow Joeys fault but Joey said something to me n Sam later about how Steven wanted to break his skateboard so he could "break out his featherlight" so Joey was just helping him. when me n Sam got back to her house Steven IMs me n hes like 'yer right emo is stupid' n im like noo im addicted to emo get it? n he was being all retarded n hes like wow watch out yer getting all emo now dont go cry on me so im like wow watch out yer getting all retarded dont go spaz on me n it turns out he thought i was Brooke-who he hates hah! so now hes all talking to me like nothing happened..today was kinda boring..sams grampa brought us all to the place where sams mom works n when ellen got outta work sam n alex n max went home with her n sams grampa brought me home.

< . x . < . xhold me for all timex . > . x . >

[11 Aug 2004|09:07pm]
[ mood | blah ]

meteor shower tonight

wont be able to see it though

stupid effing storm

< . x . < . xhold me for all timex . > . x . >

emergency meeting [08 Aug 2004|09:30pm]
[ mood | groggy ]
[ music | uranium on fuse ]

oh wow today was odd..there was an 'emergency meeting' with morgan, caroline, kiah, and jenna at th exchange field. i went thinking it would be a complete waste of time and id end up leaving early because i was so p.o.ed but it was actually kind of good for all of us as we all got out most of what was bothering us. we all started out talking about what we thought about the dc trip this year n morgan kiah n caroline were gonna go as a group n leave me n caroline n i was like wtf this is so effed up n we were all yelling at each other n caroline went for like a walk thing with her cousin n then came back for a while but didnt really say anything n then she left bout an hour before everyone else n wey all decided like caroline was like the 5th wheel ya kno? after that we all talked about what we didnt like about everybody else which i think cleared up a lot of tension between us all. im happy cos no one really had anything very bad to say about me but kiah was like me n her have like nothing in common anymore after that stupid lil fight we had in 5th grade n i agree but were still pretty good friends n morgan doesnt like joey (big suprise) but nobody really said anything directly about me.
now i feel kinda bad cos ive known caroline so long but i really honestly feel like weve grown apart but i kno shes gonna tell her mom something n her moms prolly gonna say something to my mom about it.. but now jenna called me n was like can jenna n kiah tell caroline bout what we were talking about n i was like i guess go ahead but leave me out of it n i dunno what they told her but she called me like crying n i felt kinda bad but i cant be friends with someone just cos i feel bad for them as that wouldnt be fair to either of us. now im talkin to caroline on aim n i think she thinks like were all completely deserting her n shiet but were really not. i mean she has a whole fuck load of friends besides me kiah jenna n morgan n its not like were never gonna see each other again or we hate her n are mad at her.

on a lighter note: me n my mom n ed painted the kitchen green today. it looks a hell of a lot better i think. now we gotta paint my room.

< . x . < . xhold me for all timex . > . x . >

[27 Jul 2004|06:04pm]
i cut myself today
in the shape of a star
i colored over it with permanent marker
so that when it heals
it will still be pink
this might sound cliche
but its all for you
< . x . < . xhold me for all timex . > . x . >

[26 Jul 2004|02:18pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

god i hate how like no ones home during the summer..caroline, sam, n joey wont be home all whole week, i dunno where pearl is-i tried calling her n no one answered n shes not online which is odd cos pearls always online, morgans at her moms n i dunno where kiah is n jennas at the lake. wow i have like no friends :P
blue moon this saturday ^_^ i wanna have a party or something..i think sams having a party but i dunno if id be able to go cos i think im with my dad this weekend. i think my dads finished with avhas house n there all moved in there cos thats why me n my sisters werent with dad last weekend when we were sposed to be.
there is absolutely nothing to do at my house. except for maybe clean but i did a lot of that yesterday..

< . x . < . xhold me for all timex . > . x . >

[26 Jul 2004|02:18pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

god i hate how like no ones home during the summer..caroline, sam, n joey wont be home all whole week, i dunno where pearl is-i tried calling her n no one answered n shes not online which is odd cos pearls always online, morgans at her moms n i dunno where kiah is n jennas at the lake. wow i have like no friends :P
blue moon this saturday ^_^ i wanna have a party or something..i think sams having a party but i dunno if id be able to go cos i think im with my dad this weekend. i think my dads finished with avhas house n there all moved in there cos thats why me n my sisters werent with dad last weekend when we were sposed to be.
there is absolutely nothing to do at my house. except for maybe clean but i did a lot of that yesterday..

< . x . < . xhold me for all timex . > . x . >

[24 Jul 2004|08:35pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Boxcar Racer ]

i cannot decide whether or not to get rid of all my safety pins..ive been good lately though
found some razors stuck between a shelf and a wall but i cant get them out

lots of my codes arent working -.-''

Now im on display
I am becoming
I hurt myself today
Its all for you
I cut myself today
Its all for you
I part the night, flashing, approaching as I watch you flee
Pushed through your panes
Seems I've landed quite uncomfortably
But as I pass through shards fo broken glass
I cant
stop the insects that are feeding
pull the needles from beneath my skin


new celly number : 908 627 3253
gimme a call ^_~

< . x . < . xhold me for all timex . > . x . >

[21 Jul 2004|01:38pm]
[ mood | listless ]
[ music | Chronic Future : Time and Time Again ]

back from sams..yesterday we went to her school for the movie thing n i met Danny n Julia n Christine n all them..there pretty kewl. after the movie thing we stayed at the school for a lil while cos Danny was helping his mom put books from the library in there car then me n Sam went back to her house with Julia n Jaimee n we just kinda hung out for a while till sams mom n dad came home n made them leave cos they werent really sposed to be over there. after they left me sam n alex played phantasy star online-only offline =P
now ive been feeling kinda shitty..props to sammy for this survey thing that made me feel even shittier

[  ] I Have Been Arrested
[x] I Have Drunken
[  ] I Have Smoked Pot
[  ] I Have Flashed Someone
[  ] I Have Posed Nude 
[x] I Have Kissed A Member Of The Opposite Sex 
[x] I Have Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
[  ] I Have Gone On A Blind Date
[x] Have Been In Love 
[x] I Have Been Dumped
[x] I Have Lied
[x] I Have Lied And Not Felt Guilty About It
[ ] I Have Had Oral Sex
[x] I Have Been Tempted To Have Sex
[  ] I Have Had Sex 
[  ] I Have Had Sex In Public
[  ]I Have Had Sex At A Friend's House During A Party 
[  ] I Have Had A Threesome
[x] I Have Snuck Out Of the House 
[x] I Have Cut Myself
[x] I Have Contemplated Killing Myself
[x] I Wish I Have Killed Someone (At Random times..)
[x] I Have Purposely Put A Match To a Part of My Body
[  ] I Have Crashed A Friend's Car 
[x] I Have Almost Been Arrested 
[x] I Have Ridden In A Taxi 
[x] I Have Lied To A Friend
[x] I Have Skipped School
[  ] I Have Had A Crush On A Teacher
[  ] I Have Celebrated New Years In Time Square 
[  ] I Have Been Snowboarding

ohwow...

< . x . < . xhold me for all timex . > . x . >

[19 Jul 2004|02:19pm]
[ mood | redundant ]
[ music | linkin park : system ]

going to sams a lil later n stayin till wed. on tuesday were gonna go up to her school cos shes helpin make this movie thing n ima meet all her sexxy hampton people ^_~
it should be nice to get away from somerville for a lil while..i dont really kno whats going on here anymore =\\ things are just so screwed up..its seems that people honestly think that i am too stupid to kno that they are lying to me. hope you had fun cleaning fucker.

i shouldnt care

Why is everything so fucking hard for me?
Keep me down to what you think I should be
Must you tempt me and provoke the ministry?
Keep on trying I’ll not die so easily

< . x . < . xhold me for all timex . > . x . >

[15 Jul 2004|01:07pm]
[ mood | happy ]

sammys coming over tomorrow!!!!!!!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!

< . x . < . xhold me for all timex . > . x . >

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