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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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"Life" by Our Lady Peace |
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Well, my sister is being a brat. She got home at about 5pm and as soon as she stepped in the door she said,
"Get off the computer"
"Why?"
"Because I want to use it, DUH."
"Well I'm using it right now,"
"So?"
"So? You can wait."
"No. Get off."
"I'm using it."
"I'll call dad."
-First of all, what's the point in that? It just gets mom in trouble because he thinks she's not a capable parent. Is that what she wants? For him to have custody of ALL of us? Stupid idiot. Just because she's his favorite... Why can't she just fuck off and go live with the bastard?
"*shrug* Go ahead, you'll just get all of us in shyt"
"Nah, just you"
"*shrugs again* Fine, whatever"
"Get off"
"Stop being such a bitch, you just got home"
"I'm not the bitch here, you are"
"Excuse me? Take a look in the mirror lately?"
"Yea, and I sure look hella better than you do."
"Fuck you. At least I'm not a sheep."
"What the fuck are you on about?"
"*rolls eyes* Get a brain"
"Got one"
"So get a new one, looks like the one you have is almost outta gas"
"*confused look* Whatever. You're so lame, you don't even have any friends."
"I have more friends than you have braincells. Okay, so maybe that was unfair, seeing as you have less than a dozen braincells"
-Just to let people know, my sister is a blond retard, who really cannot think for herself. Her friends are what most (or some) people would label "populars", the kind of stereotypical blond haired, blue eyed bimbos who think they're "all that". They wear short skirts, skimpy shirts and act as if they own the world (And as if money grows on trees). They follow each other, just like sheep. If one girl gets an expensive schoolbag, the others all get an expensive schoolbag. If one girl gets their navel pierced, they all follow suit. It's really so sad... Half the time I wish I had a bus so I could just run over them and put 'em outta their misery.
"I have more friends than you do *scowls*"
"Yea, I'm sure you do *nods sarcastically*"
"I do, and if you have so many friends how come you never go anywhere? Huh?"
"I do go places. And I choose not to go out. Ya know? People with brains actually do that kinda stuff."
-That's true, I do choose not to go places because I'm an antisocial freak. Lol. Sad but true. 85% of the time I'd rather be alone than in the company of others.
"Whatever. Get off the computer."
"Wait your turn"
"It IS my turn"
"Whatever."
-Okay, I'm sorry, but I find it hard not to discriminate blonds. They're all so god damn stereotypical (Well most of them are) and stupid! Incredibly stupid. Okay, so that's kinda vulgar, but do I care? Certainly not. I know it's unfair to discriminate blond people for their hair color, and it's about as bad as being racist or sexist *shrug* Gomenasai, I have low tolerance for stupid people. I'm not saying I'm smart, or more intelligent than anyone else, but I can't handle a conversation with someone who can't keep up with my train of thought.... Which can sometimes be hard to follow because I jump from random thought to random thought, but that's not specifically my own fault, it's a result of being mildly crazy ^____^; lol.
And THEN she goes and says that mom told her that she was sending me to live with him. Our "father".
I don't know whether or not to believe that because my mom says some things and doesn't really mean them, she might've just been mad or something. But she knows that if she sent me back there I'd just run away, and not back to her. I'd go to my godmother, and she knows it. Honestly? My godmother is the only adult I really trust.
Well, I honestly think I'm getting worse. Emotionally, and in my attitude. I got drunk and had a hangover last week, on a SCHOOL NIGHT. I've been smoking a ciggarette every so often, too. And my mom LETS ME. My suicidial thoughts are reccuring once more. Worse, now. I even slit my wrist today. My first attempt at anything remotely suicidal in a long, long time. I'm starting to scare myself, because the will to live is slowly, but surely, slipping away from my grips, and...I'm afraid...
The voices in my head are back. Yea, they did leave for awhile, a few weeks after Aaleigh left, they stopped. Now Artemis is back...Along with Carri and Paremie. And guess what, people! Paremie is so much like Aaleigh, it's scary! She likes music just as much as she did, which means that she's always playing something, which means that I can't concentrate very easily on one thing for a long period of time.
I'm back to my ways of barely holding on. I'm slipping like I have so many times before...I didn't like it then, and I don't like it now...At least this time there's something more for me to hold on to...But I don't know how long I'll last....
...I'm sorry, if I ever let go...
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annoyed
bored
tired
crazy
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scared
cheerful