Its been so long... figured Id update   
01:58pm 07/05/2004
  so... i never use the computer anymore... but then again.. who does? It's a pointless effort of communication. Anyway... i had a good guy, but then i felt bad for his exgirlfirend... so i invited her over... and then we all hung out .... and then she randomly stole her boyfriend back.. that sucked my fucking ass. anyway... ill talk to you all later <3 Peace.  
05:44pm 24/12/2003
mood: sad
music: Unloco
Dear You,
It's almost CHristmas, and I'm not a very religious person, I just like giving people things... but anyway.. Will left me here while he is in California. Yay. What Fun. Errr... :-( I hope he's having fun though... He's there until January Something :-( But what can ya do? <333 Hmph. Pervy Say Hey<3

... Annoyance...   
05:42pm 24/12/2003
mood: aggravated
music: Glass Jaw and Unloco.. it's on Shuffle
I think that this all would be understandable, if they took the time to understand that I am capable of taking care of myself when it comes to hanging out with my FRIENDS. Chris won't even let me hang out with david because he is 2 years older than I am, wtf is that?!... I can hang out with WILL and hes the same age... David even offered to meet them!~!. They should at least give my friends a chance before they discriminate them because of their age. My best friends from Hillsdale were 18 and 17 years old... and I knew them very well. It would be different if I wanted to be ALONE with David, but I don't.. I wanted to go see Lord of The Rings, IN A FUCKING MOVIE THEATRE. How is that bad??... Exactly, and I wanted my friend Chelsea to go with me, ughhh.. It'd be different if I was a fucking idiot or something, but I'm not, so they should get the fuck over it. I've been through some shit, I know what's right and wrong. They automatically told me I can't hang out with 18 year olds. FUCK THAT!. I will hang out with, whoever I want to hang out with.. They can't stop me from being friends with people. They have never been parents, so what makes them think they understand HOW to be a parent. They dont know shit about me, or about teens in general. So maybe they should back off and learn something before they try to tell me how the fuck to run my life. Fucking errrr. Sometimes i hate it here, because they act like im 5 years old, it's beyond annoying. When I lived with my Aunt, she raised me, she understood me and the people I hang out with. Since Ive moved in with my mom, I can't do shit. I can't even have GOTHIC friends, how fucking lame is that?! A Parent that stereotypes kids, that's pathetic. Why would you ever tell your child what GROUP of people they can and cannot hang out with?! Pathetic.. Just Pathetic. Man oh Man, I can't even visit where I grew up, because My mom won't let me spend the night with anyone, because they "affected" me in bad ways... What the hell?! Those are my friends. I understand some shit she does, like not letting me hang out at guys' houses by myself.. yea, i get that, but if i want to go to a movie, in a group, wtf??!
Track 4   
05:41pm 24/12/2003
mood: annoyed
music: track 4
"This is what you're life has been reduced to. An apartment containing no more than a matress. How sad that the strings have been removed from thge blinds, and all the outlets have been painted over. And the television screen is streaked with blood, and smeared from your knuckles asif you were trying to punch it out, but you underestimated strength, or maybe you just weren't trying hard enough. Startled by a knock at the door, and you rise for the first time in two days to answer. But you can only greet the visitor with one short statement. Hello my name is distance and I don't care if I never wake up again."
05:17pm 29/11/2003
  You would think that I would have a fraction of dignity and freedom here, but of course I don't. All I wanted today, was to play my guitar at my friend's house. Do you think I was allowed? No.. and you know why the fuck not?! BEcause im a GIrl. Im 15. Hes A Boy. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT BULLSHIT. I hate adults sometimes. and I hate them not understand that I was raised different.. they've never been parents before and I understand that to a point, but what the fuck!? Get with the fucking program you old fucking assholes.  
Marc.. You Smell   
11:55am 16/11/2003
mood: amused
music: Smashing Pumpkins
Hmph. Haha.. Marc you smell <3 Nah.. anyway, that's just a random statement from 2nd hour with Mr. Marc lol, you'd have to be there to understand. Anyway-- Melissa's boyfriend is going to teach me how to play my guitar so good :-D I'm so excited :-D Only, Melissa said she might get jealous, at least she's admiting it. . . but there is nothing for her to be jealous about... I'm not like that, even if her boyfriend is.. no worries. Blah. ANYWAY... THe other nite me melissa and her boyfriend were going to hang out, the only way we could get to Woodhaven, was if HIS friend came... Well here's some background info.. this guy named Kevin, was such a dick to me and my girls on homecoming... and he came to my house without me knowing in advance... and arg, it was just a bad situation... WELL... I go to get into the car the other day to go to woodhaven, gu ess who is the driver!? Oh yes.. Kevin.. Yep.. thats right.. and we barely talked, but we are "okay" now I guess, no big deal. Hmph.. small world, eh?
08:13pm 06/11/2003
mood: amused
music: My Mind

This poem is for you, my best friend.
You help me every time I lay broken, unable to mend.

When they expressed their cruel thoughts out loud-
You were never one to care.
Through thick and thin-
I always knew that you'd be there.

And when everything he told me turned out to be nothing but lies.
You gave me the inspiration to wipe the tears from my eyes.
I used to tell you my stories until I'd fall asleep-
You know my deepest, darkest secrets that you'll forever keep.

You're the only friend I have that I know will be forever true.
And this is the reason I dedicate this poem to you.
Out of everything I've ever done, I never would've thought-
That this diary would be the best thing that I had ever bought.
William Is My New Obsession   
04:56pm 06/11/2003
mood: Blah
music: Thrice
William Thomas Lehre, is so beyond perfect, you just have no idea. He's my new obsession, and I don't care if the world knows it. :-D Woot! WooT!

I Met a new girl. Rachel, she lives in a home, her mother died a while back.. she lives with a bunch of girls.. who are in similar situations.. she visits her uncle on weekends.. She'll soon become my friend, we talk now, and met at Wayne State University... And then There is Amanda, shes arabic, and she's fasting at the moment.. she wont eat.. but I know she likes candy.. she really wanted to eat it... ooh yea, but her religion wont allow her to eat until Sun Down. :-( poor girl.. Id starve!~!... Anyway-y-y... Time is passing, William is at the gym.. and here I am.. waiting for Chris to come home and bitch me out about my grades.., i did fairly okay... I couldve done way better though. Arg.

'to thine own self be true' i love thy hamlet.. hmph.
Thinking Of Your MY Sweet   
04:52pm 06/11/2003
mood: annoyed
music: Deafening Words Of Thy Chris In My Ears
Cries of pain
Sobs from the dark
Blankly staring
Closing my eyes tightly
Gasping for air
Lying alone
A bleeding broken heart
Mind racing
Thinking of you my sweet
Brendan. Always. Forever. My Baby.   
06:53pm 28/10/2003
mood: ecstatic
music: Unloco
Brendan is my baby, he's the cutest little guy, you'd love him if you could see him.. and if I know you, ask to see his new pictures :-) He had his second birthday just recently.. he is growing up 'oh so fast' . I love my monster to death. I took him to the "Cider Mill" or whatever, to see big pumpkins and animals etc. for Halloween, haha.. we saw people dressed up as monsters. Brendan is afraid of big monsters, so he hid behind my legs and is peaking out his head. The monster says "Bye little boy" and Brendan goes "bye bye monster" Aww.. it was adorable, but I guess you had to be there.. Anyway.. Happy Birthday Brendan.
Joshua, My One, My Only   
06:50pm 28/10/2003
mood: angry
music: Paper Tigers-Thrice
My Blood, My Love, My Brother. When you hurt, I cry.

Hmph.. so here is the whole story.. My brother, the one that I love to death, was at Brendan's birthday party, Brendan turned two, I'll write another entry about him. Anyway, my brother was limping in pain, and I touched his arm and he backed away from me. He's the type of guy that has so much pride, that he attempts to hide his weaknesses.. well, this time I suppose he cannot hide, he has to face the facts, he has been defeated, and it is his own fault. Yet, I still feel sorry for him, because he is one of the nicest guys that I have ever known. He would give me the shirt off of his back if I complained about the wind, he's just that type of guy. Anyway my brother, being a moron decided to go to a party with his bestfriend, Jesse. Jesse calls me his baby girl, he's a nice guy, around 22 years of age. Anyway, they went to a party, my brother got drunk, he's 19, spilled his drink on these guys, and they demanded an apology, my brother, Joshua, claims he did not know about spilling his drink, so he refused to apology. Well, they took him outside, kicked his leg, he fell on his arm, and they kicked him until he could no longer breathe. My brother has never done anything to deserve this, but yet, he does stupid things. Jesse came out, my brother won't tell me HOW he stopped this "fight" but, I assume he used his gun :-( The society is coming to its demise. Sad but true. I Love Thy Joshua more than anything and I hate seeing him in pain.

.Stephanie Elizabeth.
I Love Thy Beautiful,You're Name I'll Never Tell   
08:46pm 23/10/2003
mood: curious
music: THe Ataris-IOU One Galaxy
I Love Thy Beautiful,You're Name I'll Never Tell :
"Yes.. beautiful is what she is.. and I'll never forget this. When I look in her direction I feel asif she could make me stare for an eternity. Truly beautiful, and unafraid. Her looks are beyond delicate, you'd think you'd break her. She won't have me, I think she hates me. She showed me who I wasn't, and I learned who I was. I miss her, I yearn for her voice in my mind. I want her, I want life to be perfect. Perfect is what it would never be. Especially between her and I. She's too beautiful for me... she's too wise for me.. she's just too perfect for me. She's too perfect, I would never tell her how I feel, never tell her how she makes me wonder, I wonder how it would be just her and I, together for eternity. "

Hmph...Isn't that beautiful?.. I liked it anyway.

Liz. . . Oh and P to the S. I met a hott guy, not really met, but started talking to .. he's got a girlfriend.. I don't think he likes me in that way.. we don't really know each other well.. but he's still hott.. Anyway.. bed for me, I don't know how to wake up in the mornings. Good nite.
08:20pm 23/10/2003
mood: nauseated
music: Unloco-Becoming I

I love thy Zachary, and I could never be without. To be without my Zachary, would be living with no possible source of water. I would suffer and die. I would suffer without him, as I am suffering now. Missing him beyond belief, it has almost been 3 months since we have been together. Yet we are still strong. I miss this guy more than I have missed anyone in my entire life. We do not argue, we do not fight, when I am with him, I am happy. When he is gone for a mere second, I feel asif I could cry. The days before I leave his side, we sit and stare blankly, we know it will end. But how long will it end for? Could my next take of absence be forever? Possibly, Possibly not. Zachary and I have been there since square one. He understands me, I understand him. We talk, we listen, we love, we care, and we laugh together. I miss him more than anything. Overexaggeration? Doubtful. He is real, I am real, our longing for the touch of each other, is real. Hmph. We know we will not last forever, and we are not even a "couple" we simply love being next to each other, it does not include sexual contact, just being there. I just know we click, and we will forever be close in mind. We will always get along and we will forever love one another."

This is how you make me feel. You make me dizzy.
Lizzy To The Izzy
I Love Thy Beautiful..Your Name I'll Never Tell   
08:05pm 23/10/2003
mood: scared
music: GlassJaw-Cavalcade
Society is easily amused by the failure of their peers. Why do they assume that homosexuality is a crime, & why do they thrive on the tears from the truly beautiful? They will never truly believe and they will never be pure. The majority of society is made up from the media, they are not as they pretend to be, they are simply attempting to fit in with this harsh society. I just began to realize this, and I refuse to be one of them. I refuse to lie to myself, I refuse to not be real.
Andy Thy Twin   
10:38pm 08/10/2003
mood: annoyed
music: Chingy
I will beat your fxcking face in if you e ver fxck with Chelsea again.

Love You Like Dirt
Pointless, Meaningless, Timeless Efforts   
08:01pm 24/09/2003
mood: blank
music: Unloco-Becoming I
At some points in time, my hours feel timeless, lonely, and worthless. But what can I say? I'm just another girl who is attempting to be successful. Needless to say that I have been struggling for the past 2 months. I don't even know who I truly am anymore, I don't know myself. It's not only pathetic, but it's sad. I used to think I knew myself so well, but here I am once again at square one. I hate being here, I hate no understanding, and I hate not knowing what is going on with my own life. I know for a fact that I am a lot happier here with my real mom, than I was in Hillsdale with Jean. I know that I will be better off here, and I know this is whats good for me. I just, I feel lost. My whole personality seems like it did a 360. I didn't even notice my personality change, and maybe I didn't notice it because I didn't want to, or maybe I like how I am acting. A girl named Laura told me to my face that I was fake. I didn't get pissed, because I respect what she's saying, but I don't understand it. I guess I could consider her a... not quite a friend, because I don't know her all that well, but she's good enough. Anyway, she knows what she's talking about, maybe because I'm being more myself, it makes my "old self" look bad. I don't quite know, and I doubt that I will ever quite understand. I thought I was happy with the way I was acting, talking, sounding, and who I was. I know I shouldn't allow people to affect my personality in general, but what can I do?? Laura thinks that she understands me, and what I'm going through. Yet no one really has a clue, and I would prefer that she didn't call me a fake, I'm just trying to figure out my true self. What better time to figure out yourself than in High School? It's not the real world yet, and you can't really mess up, right? How can I be fake? If I'm being myself. I don't act like someone that I'm not, I admit anything that I'm asked. I don't lie about what I like, or what I do. If I don't want to share my life, I don't. I simply keep it to myself. How is that being fake?.. Bah, pointless, meaningless conversations that will soon be forgotten by all.
12:06am 20/09/2003
mood: confused
music: Thrice
I got my nails, and my hair did. Lmao.. Ghetto.

today's a long day.. Sept.19th. Blah.Heres Whats Happened so Far

xX. Tina wanted to kill someone for pushing her and breaking her shoe.. she threw he shoe @ Several people, then at her truck.
Xx. Someone stole from TIna and I.. out of her truck, 2 packs of cigarettes, nothing else.. and so they must've known we had them, they were hidden.
xX. Erin and Omada got into a car accident @ 7ish.. Omada died, I haven't heard about Erin yet.. so far I know he broke his arm. Omada was driving.(I wasn't friends iwth them... but Tina knows Erin)
Xx. I'm confused about Homecoming shoes..Are they cute? or too chunky.
xX. My parents Leave tomorrow @ 12pm'ish! :-) two weeks of "freedom"! With my brother.. who rawks.

Yep.. Thats what happened today.. and.. plans for tomorrow etc. <3

Homecoming= Stag this year.. which is acceptable, I don't mind <3 :-)

*-. :: .-*
Later Space Invader
.-* :: *-.
:: Cough :: Sneeze :: Gag :: Faint :: Blah :: Achoo ::   
02:31pm 12/09/2003
mood: sick
music: none
:: Im Sick :: Blah. Yea. It sucks.. My temp yesterday was 102.4.. but today, I thought I felt yippy skippy, so I went to school, only to leave during 3rd Hour.. Blah :-( My Momma's so nice to me, lol.. she's so cute.. and.. nice. Anyway-y.. My throat is killing me. My stomach is asking for food, but my brain won't let me give it any. My nose needs kleenez, but it's not working how it's supposed to, and Im behind on homework 2 days now instead of 1.

and the worst part about everything...

I miss my baby zachary... :-( I miss him so much, you have no fxcking idea.. I wish *I had a car* and I wish I was *16* .. and I *wish* his car was capable of driving up here... I just miss him so fxcking much.. I get to see him *oh so soon* but, It feels like it's taking forever....He even said, he'd go to homecoming with me, only, I don't expect him to drive up here for me. He's so fxcking nice, I honestly think I love the guy. Zachary... yep.. I care for him more than a lot of people I know. He claims that when he graduates, he's moving up here, but I doubt it, considering he graduates this year, and I have 3-4 years left, how would that work? Exactly. It wouldnt. and there's no point in getting my hopes up only to result in failure and devastation. Plus, I don't think he could bare leaving his family.. He's a family guy.. but I love him... he's so..d ifferent, that you have to love him...I'll put pictures of him in here, whenever I get a scanner *Smacks head* I left my scanner and webcam @ my aunts.. w..t..f.

.. Oh... and Unloco broke up.. yes indeedy... and Eric I suppose likes them, only I will never tell him that I *too* like them, because he'd probably assume that I was copying him in attempts to be cool.. Hibla...Lame..Ass..Shizit.. Oh..and I want some Panera Bread Chick'n'Oodle Soup'age. Yep.. Later.

MY Plans..Til Homecoming   
09:14pm 09/09/2003
mood: amused
music: O.C.
Wednesday-Shopping w/ Tina AfterschooL
Thursday-Appt. w/ My Mom
Friday Til Sunday-w/ The Girls & Shopping w/ Chels
Tuesday-Hair Appt w/ Mom
Weds-Dinner-Mom's 10th Anniversary.
Friday-Nails w/ Tina
Saturday-HOMECOMING!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)
Yep..Electricians.. Uhm..   
10:22pm 08/09/2003
mood: lonely
music: Commericals On Tv
Today.. an electrician.. he's 19 years old his name is Mark.. he was working at our house.. doo doo doo.. and he gave me his number, I'm not interested at all.. :-\ But anyway.. I showed my Mom. since we share everything anyway, and she showed Chris (my step-dad) and HE bitched out the 19 year old.. hahaha... Poor guy :-( I feel kinda mean.. now he's not going to talk to me, lol.. Oh well.. Anyway... It was lame.. I talked to Billy! Aww.. he was tripping, but I love that boy.. forever and always my baby billy! <3 He's one of the only people that will tell me when I'm being an immature whore/bitch/liar/blah blah... so yea, he's the best... Anyway... Eric is gorgeous.

haha... tomorrow I'm going to hug everyone. <3 Just because.. oi La La.