| my destiny says that im destined to fall | |||
| 04:48am 01/01/2004 | |||
|
Head over heels But falling flat on my face Trying not to give up Everyday's a new race The finish line is so far I'll never get there in time Falling farther behind I'll never have what I wish was still mine Joking and laughing Pretending I'm ok Trying to keep everything inside But bursting with things to say ----------------------------------------------- You're with her now, happy as can be. You say you never want to be with anyone else. Well, neither do I. I guess we have a problem here. You only want to be with her. I only want to be with you. Happiness doesn't exist anymore. So while everyone else is happy as can be, I'll be left back. And I'll die old and unhappy, always alone. All becasue I only want to be with you. ---------------------------------------- Floating down a river (lazy, calm, relaxed). The sky shines, sun bright with colors of autumn combustion. Finger tread, water fast flowing along skin of silk. Eyes wide, blue and red capturing dancing leaves. Heart beats, breaking glass never sounding so loud. Hands reach, grasping for something which was never really there. Head aches, filled with words never said but always heard. Water rushing, freezing cold as it passes against the earth. Animals run, skipping fast too ignorant to care. Branches break, snapping quick moving towards the dust. Heart breaks, sharp pieces fall piercing skin of silk. Body dies, bleeding fast drained of all its worth. Floating down a river (lazy, calm, relaxed). ------------------------------------------- Maybe someday these words will seep through my skin. Find a way out, finally be heard. Let go of myself, give in to my heart, and all of the things it is longing to say. Throw out my inhibitions, scream so you can hear my pain. Giving up, giving in, never to love like this again. ------------------------------------------- It's 3 o'clock early Wednesday morning. I've had too much caffeine, my stomach is turning. I want to sleep, but I'm forced to stay awake. Can't stop thinking, I don't know how much more I can take. Turn up the radio-- another sad song. The one who's gone is the one who should've been here all along. One more broken heart-- so the story goes. Try to hide the pain, never let it show. I'm a strong girl until the lights go out. Then I'm fragile to the world, everything I'm all about. Sudden silence broken by cries. Woken from sleep long before sunrise. Haunted by demons of my own fatal mistake. I think I've pain my dues, how long must I ache? What have I done to deserve all this pain? Although I survived a battle like this, I'll never be the same again. I'm sick of searching for something I know doesn't exist. Nothing can ever compare to the way you kissed. And if I have to be alone then be alone I will. Because your's is a space that no person can ever fill. |
|||
| Post | |||
| 11:10pm 16/11/2003 | |||
|
This is nice, but it's not the same. I miss being whole. Memories are starting to fade. Blowing away along with the leaves in the wind. This air reminds me of good times we had. Spending autumn days playing in leaves, and a winter afternoon wrestling in the snow after school was let out early. Racing to our destination (where ever it may have been), trying to beat the cold. The cold. Cold nights spent in your bedroom, listening to Choking Victim and Fleetwood Mac. Huddled in a ball under blankets, sharing our dreams, and the bed with your dog. I miss not caring. There were no worries of "How soon will this end?" We thought it would never end. I hated when those nights had to come to an end, and I thought of you the whole way home. All night long I would try to burn those memories in my head so I could remember them always. I'll remember you always. Will you remember me? |
|||
| Post | |||
| 01:30am 02/11/2003 | |||
|
She looks so Beautiful, With her Make-up smeared, Running down her face. Two very little, Salty, Black streams Flowing free, Blackening her grace. She looks so Gorgeous, With her Hair a mess, All over the place. Every single Black Strand, Coarse and dirty, Like tarnished lace. She looks so Stunning, With her Clothes torn, Large open space. Random strings Hang, Like her Shamed head, A find disgrace to the human race |
|||
| Read 1 - Post | |||
| 02:03pm 28/10/2003 | |||
|
I'll stand still And wait for you Forever. If my waiting is in vain, Shame on me. But I'll wait anyway. Here on my Knees bleeding, Hands grasping at Imaginary figures, Air, A mirage. Still waiting, Ears ringing with Sounds Of the nights we used to spend Together, Waiting Until we could spend Every night Together. And if my waiting is in vain, Shame on me. I'll wait anyway, Forever. |
|||
| Post | |||
| 12:34am 21/10/2003 | |||
|
Staying up late and wishing for the past, Living in my dreams because they're the Only place where I'm happy. Eyes constantly bloodshot and Dry from crying all the time. Talking to myself and Hanging on Prayers and hopes that broken promises Someday will be put back together. Sitting alone in a Dark room, Music blasting, Trying to forget everything and everyone. Outside staring at the stars. Playing Connect the dots to spell out your name. The same on that was once tatooed On my heart, but left only A painful scar. Looking from far away. Never daring to speak the things I really want to say. Feeling nothing but Pain From the tips of my toes To every last split-end of my hair. Having everything you want except The one thing that you need. Wanting only you, And these bullet holes in my heart. So this is what it is to be hopelessly in love. |
|||
| Post | |||
| 12:23am 14/10/2003 | |||
|
I don't want you anymore I just need you more than anything else |
|||
| Post | |||
| 12:20am 17/09/2003 | |||
|
We were supposed to be in this together, but now- you're gone Everyday I tell myself, "Johanna, you have to carry on." But I'm finding this increasingly hard to do My life just isn't the same without you. --------------------------------------- The most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life You- lying there Dreaming, motionless Unaware of everything around you Sleeping, undisturbed With a gorgeous smile on your face I wish I could stay in that moment and look at you forever But forever has got to end sometime -------------------------------------- Betrayal- just like the darkest nights Hold all the worst things That one can only imagine As you search for light- sometimes in the strangest places You'll find the meaning of everything If attained- all problems resolved If not attained- your life unfulfilled Until everything is figured out You're left- in the dark- in betrayal Wondering ------------------------------------ This was the summer Of heartache and pain Of fear and frustration Laughter and rain ------------------------------------ If things were left up to me We'd be in a different place But I guess it's up to the hands of fate To guide us to where we're supposed to be I'm drowning in the shallowest water And my heart is slowly losing oxygen -It only breathes for you It's so awkward to watch things change Morphing from beautiful scenes To unbearable images And I'm left alone in the dark No on, nothing left around I scream aloud, heard by no one- including myself I would invite you in But everything is so cluttered here There's no where for you to sit Unless you don't mind climbing Boxes upon boxes Filled with unwanted thoughts and useless memories Emotional pain and aquamarine I've got myself down to a "t" But how can I forget the words that were said And how much they meant to me. ------------------------------------ I'm sick of people asking me about you Like I'm supposed to know where you are And what you're doing I wish I knew where you are I wish you were with me Here, now Forever I want you to be with me forever I'm sick of haing feelings for no one but you I'm sick of how no one can possibly compare To you I'd give you the world I'd give you everything I have I wish that you would take it. -------------------------------------- At this moment I feel infinite Like I'm at one with my emotions Clawing at my brain and myheart Scared to death that I'll never get out I've emptied myself like a drained lake But I no longer cry I am, myself, one large teardrop Always falling Dropping to the floor Ans as I hit the cold, hard concrete I separate into a million pieces Each one representing on of the things I feel at this moment And as I continue I'm choking back all the words I want to say And all the things I want to do I can't be myself anymore I'm dying Slow Painful Agony ----------------------------------- I hate you just as much as I love you And trust me, that's a lot Every time I see your face I'm over come with anger and pain Wanting and sadness ...Joy and happiness Every time I hear you name There's a rush of adreniline to my heart And memories of the way things were Knowing it's the way things should be now Praying it's the way things will be again in the future I pray to God every night for you Prayers without delay I never once hesitated when I told him all I want for the rest of my life is you I never once lied to you When I told you that I'd love you forever I meant it. That's the difference between you and I. We both made the promise... But I meant it. I want to go back to the says when it was "forever" Nothing stood in our way You even said yourself "we're stronger than everyone else" And I can still remember when you promised that you'd never let anything bad happen to us So how did you let this happen? |
|||
| Post | |||
| fuuckk this | |||
| 03:34am 26/08/2003 | |||
|
Run away and hide From all your secrets and lies Cut all ties All the things that bind You to your former life And all the times you cried Because of the way you felt inside Remember the one time When you felt like your heart died? Well, I feel that that all the time I can't seem to get back in the game Your image lives with me In undying fame This is really such a shame You left almost as quick as you came Now I'm never going to feel the same Everything is left up to you Will you follow through? Do you really have any clue Exactly how much I love you Not any less than before That's for sure I definately love you even more Than I did then I have no need to pretend I don't want you as a friend So you can break and bend- me I want you to be my lover I want to lie with you under covers I want to be your baby's mother Because I could love you like no other So, please. Reconsider me. If not now, sometime in your life. I consider you. All I need. My fantasy. Because I love you. |
|||
| Post | |||
| You can think of me when you forget your seatbelt, and again when your head goes thru the windshield | |||
| 03:15am 19/08/2003 | |||
|
Maybe when I'm older I'll understand the world Sometimes I feel so old But I'm still very young So why aren't I having any fun? I look out my window Today is so dreary I wonder where the animals hide from the rain They come out when the rain is gone Where will I be when the thrill is gone? Well, I guess the thrill was lost a while ago And here I am All alone Where did the thrill go? Can I please have it back? And while you're at it, will you also return my heart? Because I'm kind of lost without it I wander from place to place Never really knowing where I'm going Or what I'm doing I'm always lost within myself Always at constant war with myself I can never go easy on myself So can't you please be easy on me? I may look happy, act happy I'm really a mess I may say I'm ok But I'm torn apart inside I need to get away Away from this place Away from you Away from everything that reminds me of you Everything reminds me of you I need to get away ----------------------------------- I can't stop what i'm doing My mind is traveling faster than light I'm rushing, I'm running- going so fast But there's still not a damn thing in my sight I sit and stare at pictures that have lost their meaning I've grown accustomed to this empty feeling I lose track and stare off into space But I'd so much rather be staring at your face Everything means nothing anymore I cant help myself, I always cry You cask me what I'm doing this for I cant help myself, I cant say goodbye "You'd better watch, or you'll spend your whole life dreaming" I'd rather be dreaming if the real world is what I'm seeing And I'd rather be trapped in the deepest pits of purgitory Than watching you smile and telling your happy stories It's like you stabbed me in the heart Then pushed me down the steps Maybe someday I'll forgive you But right now I just wish I could forget Your smile is what kills me most Your image has become a sort of ghost Forever haunting my memories Forever the blood in my arteries |
|||
| Post | |||
| 01:46am 14/08/2003 | |||
|
Time heals all wounds But all wounds leave their scars And my heart has become a battle ground Filled to it's capacity, thus far I'll do anything, at anytime Anything to get my mind off of this Anything that prevents me from being around Whenever you two kiss I'm always sneaking away And always trying to hide Always going upstairs Or taking a walk outside I don't want to hide anymore I want to feel comfortable in my own skin Everday I sit and wait I'm waiting for this feeling to begin I never feel like myself Maybe I've become someone else...who knows? Everything that I put myself through... How well does this show? I should just get it tattooed across my forehead "Loser without a cause" How about a permanent marker? With which I can point out all my flaws? ehh...brain's not workin |
|||
| Read 2 - Post | |||
| You can have the best of me... | |||
| 04:12am 12/08/2003 | |||
|
Empty feelings have lost all meaning Cut yourself on paper hearts covered in razor blades Choke and gag on poisonous kisses Wasting your life hoping for better days As I lay me down to sleep I pray to God this is the last breath I take Despite my attempts at a different life To this turbulence, every morning, I still awake... There's now a dictionary in my head For every word we ever shared And an encyclopedia in my heart That records every moment that you cared If I could draw, I'd draw for you I'd express to you my hurt and pain I would paint for you the way we loved So you could remember if forever - never again Stumble across my own fumbled words Nothing ever comes out the way I mean I can never say what I really want to you It seems like the "I Love You"'s have never been I stand in the dark, your shadow touches mine Make-believe is the only love I can find I'm running fast, I'm burning out Everything you are is one of a kind I'm losing sight of everything I see When I look back, my footprints have faded away The tracks of my past have become completely lost Since you've been gone, all I can do is wish you had stayed I try to deny these feelings I have But these feelings are stronger than words Yet these feelings still mean nothing to you And shedding these tears has become such a bore... |
|||
| Post | |||
| How can I feel anything for anyone other than you? | |||
| 11:30pm 10/08/2003 | |||
|
Everything that's new At some point gets old All the things you never wanted to know Eventually get told Every new beginning Always turns into an end There's no happy ending No matter how hard you try to pretend People change I guess that's a fact No matter how much you wish Things would stay in tact You can never go back Full-blown heart attack It's so hard to get back on track When everything you need Is the one thing you lack You can never go back Full-blown mind collapse The only place you wish you were at Is lying face down On the train tracks You hear the train running Full speed ahead All your pain flashes before your eyes Then it happens- you're dead Because all good things come to an end No matter how much you try to pretend ----------------------------------------- You have this way of breaking a heart And not even knowing you did anything wrong You have a wonderful way of twisting my emotions And making me feel like I don't belong You've mastered the act of making me feel dead And making my life worthwhile It's because of you that I'm sad ...It's becasue of you that I smile... |
|||
| Post | |||
| 04:13am 07/08/2003 | |||
|
Love like this Is the worst kind of pain If I look at you too long It's because I'm kissing you in my head And if I stand too close It's because I'm holding you in my head I'm reminding myself of the things we did Like the way we used to cuddle in bed --------------------------------------------- I hope you get your heart broken Never to recover I hope you end up laying in your bed Crying under your covers I hope that you feel this pain Maybe then you'll understand I hope that you start to go insane Then you'll know why I am how I am I hope you cry yourself to sleep everynight And wake up with salk crusted to your eyes I hope you see things from my point of view Where love is the devil in disguise I hope that you get your heart broken And you need somone to comfort you I hope that you get your heart broken And you will comfort me, too -------------------------------------- I want to make you feel pain like you make me feel pain...I want to make you cry like you make me cry...I want you to feel the way that I feel...I want you to know exactly what this is like. |
|||
| Post | |||
| 07:56pm 05/08/2003 | |||
|
Slash my wrists And bleed myself dry I'm done with this I have no more tears left to cry And in my last breath I'll speak your name From this moment on Things will never be the same... ------------------------------------------- I talked to your picture While I cried last night I told you how much I missed your face And how I missed your eyes I said that I missed your nose And every other part But what I really missed the most I told you how badly I missed your heart... |
|||
| Post | |||
| 01:40am 05/08/2003 | |||
|
Day after day I sit here and wait But everything's still the same Time drags on Never yielding to me The days go so slow Although I wish they would go faster Sometimes I wish I could just kill myself Or you Or anyone who brings me down Sometimes I wish I could just sleep the rest of my life away That way I'll never feel anything again No love, no pain No lonliness Which is the worst pain of all Sometimes I wish that God would just answer my prays I pray evernight But still, nothing changes I tell myself "You're too hard on yourself" But I never go easier Always go harder |
|||
| Post | |||
| why? | |||
| 12:47am 05/08/2003 | |||
| All i really wanna know is why? Why did this happen? Why can't this be easy? Why does it have to be so damn hard? Why did you have to change your mind? Why do you get mad whenever I try to talk to you about this? Why can't you realize that I'm never gonna get over anything unless we talk and you answer my questions? Why was it so all-of-a-sudden? Why do I cry all the time, when you never cry at all? Why do I feel all this pain, and you only have good feelings? Why do I have to be so in love with you? Why can't you completely understand me? Why can't I hate you? Why do I have to see you together? Why don't you understand how hard that is? Why can't we make this easier on ourselves? Why do I want to be your friend so badly? Why do I wait for the next time that I see you? Why couldn't we have made things better while we still had the chance? Why wouldn't you let me fix it? Why did you have to take back everything you ever told me? Why did you have to break every promise you ever made me? Why did you have to break my heart? | |||
| Post | |||
| My problem is you make me melt and I don't want to be frozen anymore | |||
| 02:51am 04/08/2003 | |||
|
Do you remember these clothes? Crumpled up and lying on your bedroom floor Do you remember the activities that took place? And how you always asked for more Do you ever think of these things? Even every once in a while The way that I made you crazy? And the way that I made you smile Do you remember how we used to lay on your bed? Or the nights that we talked for hours? Do you remember the time you weren't supposed to be here? But you still came, and you brought me flowers Do you remember that look in my eye? Whenever they met with yours Do you remember how bad it hurt? And all the things that could have occured Do you remember what you felt? That day, on the phone The day you told me you didn't love me The day I ended up alone Is there even the tiniest bit of regret in you? Do you even feel bad at all? God, I wish you told me in person But you only had enough guts to make a phone call I knew I shouldn't have left this place When things weren't going well I expected things to be a little different But I didn't expect this complete living hell One day you told me you loved me Two days later, you were through How long were you lying to me? I never expected this from you Now as I sit here and think I imagine how things could have gone different in my head I see all the things I shouldn't have done I hear all the things I shouldn't have said Although you say this isn't my fault I can't help but think that it was I could have done so much more for you But I did always say I loved you just because And pardon me if I still do I can't change the things in my heart The first part of our relationship has ended And I'm praying for the moment that the second part starts ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Do you remember the time When we first met In the boys gym Underneath the basketball net You seemed so perfect You said you'd never cause me any pain Now I'm scared to death To ever love again And now my heart lies Bleeding in your hands Will you please replace it And make me whole again Only you can fix this mess That you have caused And it can happen very easily If you would just hold me in your arms |
|||
| Post | |||
| 01:58am 03/08/2003 | |||
|
These nights drag on As if they'll never end My thoughts are lost In the dark and the heat All I hear is my heart, And the crickets outside. I wish to hear your voice If only for an instant And I wish to taste your kiss Just once more So that I can savor it for eternity These nights drag on Never threathening to quit They serve as my guide So that I, myself, never quit These nights inspire to me to what I do best To hide in the dark, In the shadows of life Let things pass me by Although they're actually slicing me apart I'll learn to live Live with these nights Take in my surroundings Then cry crimson tears Tears of blood and disgust Pain in it's finest form Takes over all But only on nights like these This is when the pain is the worst. |
|||
| Read 4 - Post | |||
| 04:52pm 02/08/2003 | ||||
My nights are starting to follow a trend First I begin with my thoughts of you Then the memorty of how I ended up getting screwed The things you said- how they'll never come true And this broken heart- broken by you When I finally drift off, I see you in my dreams But when I wake up things aren't what they seemed I see all the things that remind me of when we were together You words remain in my head- "Don't worry, we'll be like this forever" But our love, our relationship, has become very weathered You lied to me when you said you wanted to stay together I lay outside and stare at the stars And I remember how you promised me you'd take me that far But suddenly there was a huge stop sign And you no longer wanted to cross the line Things weren't good, everything was no longer fine I never saw this coming, you never gave me a sign So now I sit here and complain night after night It's not doing any good...but I wish that it might You used to be...strong words now fade away I wish you'd look at me and want to stay There's only one more thing I want to say I just want this horrible pain to go away ------------------------------------------------------------- Welcome, come in Abuse me again Throw my heart in the fire Put the gun to my head But before you pull the trigger Please, just hear me out You don't understand the things in my head You don't know what it's really about. ------------------------------------------------- I can't seem to ever Get you out of my head I'm so distant in yours I bet you wish I was dead Why don't I make this easier on you I'll cut my throat Open my veins And let the blood flow I'll put some away And save it for you That way you'll always have a part of me But never again will I bother you Would you cry at my funeral? And would you think you made a mistake? Would you not care at all, Or would your heart break? |
||||
| Post | ||||
| Welcome to my world | ||||
| 04:22pm 02/08/2003 | ||||
|
||||
| Post | ||||
bored| sisterofthemoon | ||
|
Friends Info Calendar My Website |
||
| skip | ||
| Backward | ||