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.sedated.illusion.

[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]
[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

[04 Dec 2003|11:46am]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | staind ]

okay i have a problem... should i delete my live journal and keep the blurty one, or should i delete the blurty one and keep the live journal one? i think i should keep the live journal one because i know more people on there, but krystal doesnt have a live journal, she has blurty... grrrrr...RAWR. i dunno what to do. oh, by the way, krystal, you might want to go read the comments on my live journal, it seems james had something to say to you. might wanna go check that out. it wasnt very nice. okay i think i'm just going to continue them both! haha! i never even write in this one! well, sometimes i do, but ... ugh, fuck it. i dont even know what i'm talking about right now, i just woke up. krystal, call me when you get outta class!!!

rape my mind

ugh can you believe this?! [23 Nov 2003|01:50am]
[ mood | gloomy ]
[ music | stone temple pilots - sex and violence ]

yet another boring night for me. this is the second one in a row.. that cant be a good sign.. what to do?! i went to victoria and hung out with krystal until she had to go to work at 11 pm. she works until 5 am, they have inventory. after she went in at 11, i went by ziggys house, but no one was outside and i didnt really feel like making the effort to get out of my car and go knock on the door. me? lazy? psh.. then i went to krystals work and rented a movie, SLC Punk, to be exact. there i saw my friend chris, who, by the way, has something very questionable on the back of his head. just one question.. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? poor guy, he needs to go to the emergency room. he comes up to me and says,"amanda, i'm going to die." then shows me that thing. i was like ewww dude! go get that shit checked! it looks like a very infected spider bite.. ew. poor bastard. after that i just came home because my brother was in schroeder doing something with the jarrrod birrmingham band, blah. my mother was actually awake when i got home and FREAKING out because i was there before daylight. she thought something had gone wrong, like i had gotten a ticket, or stolen something and needed to hide out for the night. shes got a hell of a lot of faith in me, dont she?! eh, fuck it. i think i'm going to go watch my movie and head off to bed. krystal... i hope your 5 hours of inventory wasnt too bad, i'd tell you to call me as soon as you get home, but i'll be crashed out for sure.

rape my mind

bleh [22 Nov 2003|12:10am]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | stone temple pilots - plush ]

would you kill me if i said please?

6 raped my mind | rape my mind

*crosses fingers* [19 Nov 2003|04:49pm]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | a perfect circle - judith ]

i hope that we get to go to cc this weekend!! keep your fingers crossed! keep rounding up as much money as you possibly can! i think lance said that he would give me some cash and then i'm sure mom will hook me up with something, hopefully the car! haha! all i know is that i think i'm addicted to going clubbin in corpus and i'm going to stop at nothing until we can go every single weekend! that shit is so much better than just fucking around in victoria with nothing to do. well hanging out at my brothers house isnt all THAT bad, at least we can sit around, watch tv, and get high then grub out, but damn, that gets old after a while, shit, after a quick while. :) i am so glad that we have a hotel we can always stay at and that its right down the road from all the clubs! thats the shit! PERFECT! you know what we need to do though? we need more people to go with us or to meet us there! that would be so much better. yeah we have some people meeting us there now and coming with us and everything, but we need MORE! haha! okay i'm gonna go, sam is here and he wants to show me what he did at school today....

2 raped my mind | rape my mind

*sigh* [18 Nov 2003|04:36pm]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | linkin park - my december ]

why are guys so confusing? i just dont get it. one minute they got you thinking that they are into you, and then the next minute, they got you feeling really stupid, acting like they want nothing to do with you. i dont get it. just like everytime i see "joe" at work and he tells me that i desperately need to call him because he wants to hang out with me soo bad, then i call him, and he gets off of the phone all quick and goes elsewhere. why do guys do that? i mean, i've like this dude since sophomore year in high school. i'm already graduated and i still have that crush. if high school crushes are supposed to dissolve after you graduate, how come i still have mine? or is mine a crush or maybe is it labeled as something a little more? good god man i dunno. i wish i did, though. like right now, i'm talking to someone, krystal knows who i'm talking about, and this dude really wants to get with me and blah blah blah, but for some reason i keep holding back. i never knew why i was holding back until a few days ago when i was talking to "joe" online. joe keeps making me think that i have a chance and that he really digs me and what-not, but damn, i cant hang on forever. i have a guy right now that would do anything for me and really likes me a lot, always talks about how much hes missed me because we quit talking earlier in the year, and that hes always seen us together, all that great mushy stuff. but i keep holding back because of this certain someone that i really want MY chance with. i never got my chance with joe. never. i'd actually really like to have one. at least to give it a shot, whats the harm in that? i think everyone should have a chance. and now that i just wrote that i realize that i'm not even giving the guy i'm talking to a chance because i want MY chance with joe soo bad. damn i need to straighten my life out. i hate being 18. your emotions are all scrambling around like a bunch of retarded squirrels. its the worst feeling in the world when you have a few guys that really like you and want to be with you, but you want a different guy, a guy that doesnt even look twice. and because you want that other guy so badly, you completely blow off the other guys that are offering you the world. oh what to do?! alright i'm finished for now, my fingers are really starting to hurt me. i'm off to go think...

rape my mind

[17 Nov 2003|03:11pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | tool - eulogy ]

if i get a job any time soon i might just end up getting an apartment with krystal and my brother!! YAY!! that would be sooo bad ass!! the only problem with that is that i'll have to settle for a job that i REALLY dont want.. you know, like taco bell or something like that.. bleh. thats going to suck the big one. but hey, its a job, right? might as well. i obviously cant get hired anywhere else and victoria sucks with the whole job thing. i hate this damn town and i cant wait to get out. we are either going to move to corpus or vegas, which ever comes first!

rape my mind

brand spankin new!!!!!! [17 Nov 2003|12:15am]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | incubus - pardon me *acoustic* ]

alright i have no idea why i got this journal because i have one at www.livejournal.com so this is odd, maybe i just went here because i got bored.. who knows.. so.. i dont know what to put in this one.. ooh yeah!! i went to corpus this weekend and had the best time of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! okay thats all i'm going to put for now... dont know what else to say..

rape my mind

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