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Secret Art

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Hmmm i keep forgetting that i have this. [20 Apr 2004|09:10pm]
But i think it's a good place for me to currently hide....

must remember to post here more.

Right now i'm going to go off and be ill some more
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[14 May 2003|10:08pm]
okay i was bored of the boredom. now i'd happily take the boredom back if i could trade in the constant headaches....

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bank holiday weekend [03 May 2003|04:13pm]
which is a really good thing considering SAP hell has been let loose in the office and even the boffins from the Sap Cave are feeling the strain

*FedUp* hee! hee!

tis party time tonight...wooo and the hoo and all that stuff....well maybe probably just going to be drama drama and ohhh some more drama and not any of mine either! hello!

i'm thinking i might wear my rose coloured specticles for a few know just for a change...for a new perspective..

ohh and shes gone! and i know i'm a bitch but i'm sooo glad...nobody messwith me! !

ohh and yet another reason to add to my menatlity that all men are bastards! i love them but they are....
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[29 Apr 2003|10:19pm]
Hello its me i'm not at home

if you'd like to reach me leave me alone.....

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[29 Apr 2003|10:19pm]
Hello its me i'm not at home

if you'd like to reach me leave me alone.....


did you miss me?
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I want to cry [29 Apr 2003|08:17pm]
in fact i think i might just do that....

day from hell...and whilst i demonstrated superwoman like tendencies it just wasen't enough......i am now physcially and emotionally drained...well it was a 12 hour day of pure hell.....which you know would have been made easier if someone could actually do a fucking thing without needing supervision!!!!!! araghhhh! seriously it is now my mission to get her sacked! everytime someone asked me to do something and i passed it on to her or told them to they a) looked at me as if to say *hello!!!! we need it done correctly we need you* b) why cant you do hello! only one women! and then she fucks it up and not even small fuck ups huge can one person be so bloody incompatant....

but hey at lease i've gone from wanting to cry to wanting to punch someones fucking lights out.....

and guess what....

the fun continues tomorrow....

so i'm drinking a bottle of chablis!
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[29 Apr 2003|12:41am]
i know have a stead!


gonna go beat some more people up so i can get another one....

go me!
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Finally watched Donnie Darko... [26 Apr 2003|06:19pm]
and wow... . i'm really feeling the love for Mr Jake gallenyhall (sp?) Janni has been raving about him for months now and whilst i admired his abs *swoon* the only film i'd actually seen him in was Highway (i think thats what its called) which wasen't that great...

anyone know how i can make this weekend last forever? not that theres anything great about this weekend. But next week is truly going to be the week from hell.....SAP hell....

went for a ride in Peter's brum brum (yes i'm three again *g*) hmmmm love love love his car....i want one!

*yawn* so tired....

i think i'm spending far too much time with myself.
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Just realised its the 25th... [25 Apr 2003|02:37pm]
which means pay day soon


and the hooo
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*snerk* should i be worried? [21 Apr 2003|10:31pm]
You are more than a little depressed, you are
suicidal..You see things in grey, living life
only wishing it would end, death is the only
way out, but your still here right? try to make
the best of it.

How Depressed Are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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drink drink drink [21 Apr 2003|08:52pm]
nope i have not been ovvertaken by the spirit of Father Jack i just need a goddam i'm haivng my usual...or my current usual...saphire and orange...

the amount i drink seems to be a subject of conversation at the i like a drink... who doesn't i suppose the problem...or the perceived problem is that i can drink way more than the average and it have little effect on me...

so this weekend drink was a heavy feature....went out with mum and carol friday night had quite a bit to drink but really didn't feel remotely tipsy....then i had a coughin fit and my voice went...yup still ill so i went home...

saterday night was Tammie's and Andy's BBQ which i was kinda dreading...i love my friends i do i jsut wasen't sure i if could deal with them, anyways Tammie had way to much to drink was throwing up in the toilet drunk i held her hair back like a good friend. It took four of us to carry her to her bedroom and then she wouldn't let me leave so i had to sit with her whislt she was ill....the thing is i don't think i have anyone who would do that for me. Tammie says she would if she was here...this is the girl who is barely able to keep in touch by phone let alone be there for me when i need her....yeah okay i have isssues.

Turns out everyone does they just manage to hid it a bit better....

and then i got home to day and araghhhhhhh i need to move out of this fucking house! its really getting to me now...
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[16 Apr 2003|10:31pm]
should be packing.

worried that if i start i'm going to pack up everything i own and run off to the moon.

why the moon?

its the furthest place from my life i can think of right now.

what do you do when all the paths on the map before you lead to the same destination...where do you buy a new map? and is the price more than i can afford?
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[15 Apr 2003|10:32pm]
so i tried to make an apppointment at the doctors but they only have emergency apointments available until sometime next never....and apparently i don't constitute as being ill enough to see a i have to be literally dying to see a doctor? erm...if that was the case i'd go to the emergency room and not to see my local GP! and the thing that really annoyed me was the snotty receptionist....yes i'm phonning to try and get an appointment....please don't talk to me like that what the fuck did you think i was phoning for to say hello?

so seeing as i couldn' t see a doctor and my chest is so sore i'm short of breath i decided to go to my usual tuesday night excercise class....yeah coz that was a really sensible thing to do...and Patrick made us work damm hard whilst he stood and ate chocolate!!?!? so now i'm in a worse state....but hey...excersise is suppose to be good for you...

so its wednesday tomorrow....just two days and then a 4-day weekend! woohooo....need to decide what to take with me....coz i believe i'm booked to be partying for the whole i can pretend that i have a life for four days...woo and the hooo...
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[14 Apr 2003|10:25pm]
Name: Samantha
Birthday: 19th Feb
Location: england
Where else have you lived: Germany, various locations in the South of england
Zodiac sign: Pices/ aquarius
Shoe size: 6 1/2
Height: 5'6
Weight: more than i would like
Pets: none
Eye color: blue
Hair color: kinda reddy....but fading
Hair lenth: just past my jaw....damm hairdreser cut it way to short grrr!
Ever dyed your hair?: er yup
What color?: Various shades of red and purple
Nicknames: yeah i have a few
Do you play sports?: not like i use to, now i'm more of a gym person
Where were you born?: essex *g*
Are you a night or a morning person?: both
Are you ticklish?: a little
Do you believe in god?: no
Do you have braces?: nope...never have
Do you have glasses/ contacts?: yup indeedy
What do you want to be when you grow up?: me
What was the worst day of your life?: Christmas eve 1999
What has been the best day of your life?:i'lll let you know once i've figgued it out
What comes first in your life?: currently work
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush:nope
What are you most scared of?: life
If you had an extra set of eyes were would you put them?: somewhere useful
What do you usually think about before you go to bed?: it varies
If you could be anything without consequences, what would you be?: happy

Movie: Memento, gone with The wind, From here to Eternity, Rebel without a cause, swingers, Chasing Amy, dogma, one flew over the cuckos nest, goodfellas, fight club, pretty in pink,
Song: Sarah Mclahlan Posession
Store: is my mecca
Relative: my mum
Sport: tennis
Vacation spot: Ibiza....what? i had fun *g*
Ice cream flavor: phish food
Fruit: strawberries
Candy: Haribo
Car: Jag
Class: America in the 1960s of the History and Historiograpghy of the holocaust
Holiday: summer
Day of the week: Friday
Color: black
Magazine: SFX
Name for a girl: why? its not like i'm going to need to have one?
Name for a boy: hello?!
Sports team: Ferrari F1
Month: May
Man athlete: Eddie Irvine,
Female athlete: Paula Ratcliff
Actress: Viven leigh
Actor:Edward norten
Tv show: 24, Er, West wing, Buffy, Angel, Alias,
Animal: hippos *g*
E-mail buddy: The Partyman of course
Joke: my life?
Word: mentalist
Room in your house: the only one thats all mine
Concert you have been to: Prince
CD: Fumberling towards Ecstacy
Salad: green
Meat: not really a big fan
Pizza topping: veggie
State: well i've only been to two
City: london or Barcelona
Smell: Dolce & Gabbana
Feeling: joy
College: mine...the main building is a work of art
Number: 19
Book: madame bovary
Cereal: jordan's

In the past 24 hours have you...
Had a serious talk? nothing that wasen't work related
Hugged someone? no
Fought with a friend?no
Cried? yes
Laughed? yes
Made someone laugh? probably at me not sure if with me
Bought something? erm...i'm me!
Flirted with someone? erm...acutally no..suprising that ;)
Felt stupid? yes
Talked to someone you love? yes...if my mum counts
Missed someone? yup

Have you ever..
Done drugs? depends....illegal or non-illegal?
Eaten an entire box of oreos? i'm English i don't get the big deal about oreos
Been dumped? yup
Had someone be unfaithful to you? no....but i've played a role in other peoples' unfaithfulness
Watched punky brewster? nop
Stayed home on saturday night, just because? yup
Been in love? no
Seen the white house? no
Seen the eiffel tower? no
Tried smoking? erm...yes...
Drank alcohol? me? i''ve never touched the stuf!
Smoked marijuana? yes
Played monopoly? yes...the star wars version of course ;)
Lost your virginity? yeah i went shopping and when i came back it was gone. i can't think where i coudl have left it?!
Tried a weight loss program? nope
Jumped on a trampoline? yes
Colored in a coloring book(and had fun)? well yeah i was 3 once!
Had a bubble bath? yup
Been on a plane? yup
Been on a boat? yes
Been on a train? pretty much everyday....comuting to work is a bitch
Been in a car accident? when i was ickle so i don't really rememeber it
Ridden an elephant? nope
Made a web page? yes
Played with barbies? yes
Stayed up all night? i may have done that once or twice
Shoved stuff under your bed to make your room look clean? yup
Broken a bone? actually no
Called a physchic or sex hotline? no
Watched jerry springer? i've been in the same room as a television that was playing it does that count?
Gotten in trouble for talking in class? why what have you heard?
Been afraid of the dark? nope
Been in the hospital(not visiting)? not for anything more than a couple of hours
Had stitches? yes
Dumped someone and regretted it? no....i don't have regrets. i make mistakes but i learn from them. Regrets aremistakes we don't learn from
Went out with more than one person at a time? well no one said anything about being mutually exclusive!
Lied? nope i've never lied me
Been arrested? nope
Fallen asleep in class? nope
Used food for something other than to eat? food fight!
Met a celebrity? yes
Broken the law? yes
Skipped class? not until i got to uni....i'm sucha geek!
Hated yourself? on ocasions
Been brokenhearted? no
Broken someone’s heart? well maybe...after i'm wondrful so any guy who meets me is just deveasted when he realises he can't have me
Wanted to kill someone? not for two weeks but hey she's back from holiday tomorrow...
Fallen off a chair? okay will you people stop going on about that!
Lap danced? i;m from that would be a no ;)
Been in a fist fight? yes
Been in a cat fight? yes

Do you...
Like to give hugs? not really....depends on my mood. sometimes i'm not very tactile
Like to walk in the rain? yes
Sleep with or without clothes on? sometimes with sometimes without....depends whose in the bed with me ;)
Prefer black or blue pens? blue
Dress up on halloween? i don't do dress up
Have a job? yup
Like someone? one or two select people
Sleep on your side, tummy or back? side
Think your attractive? not when i look in the mirror
Want to marry? hell no
Have a goldfish? nope
Ever have the falling dream? no
Have stuffed animals? well kinda...but i don't think winnie the pooh and m bouncing tigger count because they are real!

What do you think about...
Abortion: pro-choice
Bill clinton: American
Smoking: soemtimes its hard to resist
Eating disorders:
Rap: depends
Suicide: selfish...especially those who jump in front of a train....
South park: the voices just irritate the fuck out of me
Peircing: in the right places it can be very good ;)
Make-up: i think maybe i should wear it more often
Drinking: its very bad and i refrain from engaging in such activities

Love Life
Do you have a crush: no
Whats his or her name: no
If you could kiss anyone in the world, who would it be?: currently colin farell
If you could date anyone in the world, who would it be?: Steve Mcqueen....back in the day
What is the biggest turn off?: unintelligence
What is the biggest turn on?: intelligence
Do you prefer being the dumper or the dumpee: dumper
Do you think there is a person for everyone: no
If yes, do you know who yours is: n/a
Do you believe in love at first sight: no...lust yes love no
Have you ever been in love:no
What do you think love is?: a myth?
Do you think it lasts forever: no
Do you want to get married: no...
How many times: that would be none
What do you like about your b/f, g/f: his absence? almost like i don't have one
First grade teacher's name: pass
Last word you said: night
Last song you sang: i don't know...i've kinda not got much of a voice at the moment
Last meal you ate: salad
Favorite childhood cartoon: Danger mouse
What did you hate most about school: the people who thought they were popular...
Last person you flipped off: the lsit is extensive
Last song stuck in your head: Common Rotation - saviour
Last time you were burned: ohysically or emotionally?
How: ...
Last time you bled: nose bleed this afternoon

What's in your cd player: Jewel
What color sox are you wearing: black
What's under your bed: suitcases
What's the weather like: unseasonably warm
What is on your wall calender: don't actually have one
What time did you wake up today: 4.30am

Who do you want to marry: araghhhhh no one! now stop asking.
Are you going to college: been there done that starting back soon
If so, how long do you want to go: long enought to qualifiy?
Kids names girls: i don't want them
Kids names boys: i said i don't want them
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crawls in.... [14 Apr 2003|08:52pm]
barely able to that i have anything to say...well i do i have lots to say but i don't think anyone is listening. yeah people smile like they are and make noise's in the appropriate gaps but do they really take in what i'm saying. i feel like i'm fading. like everyday i move away from the person i once was...but i'm not moving in any direction that will mean i will achieve anything....just fading...and no one seem's to notice. No one is putting up a fight for me. no one seems to miss the me i once was. was i always this transparent? this unnoticed? this alone?

i'm so tired....
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[13 Apr 2003|05:38pm]
*. . . W O U L D Y O U R A T H E R . . .*
1) Pierce your nose or tongue?: toungue...would have had it done by now but then mum would have stopped paying my university fees
2) Be serious or be funny?: funny i think
3) Drink whole or skim milk?: skimmed....seriously how do the people who come up with these things come up with these things?!

* . . . A R E Y O U . . .*
4) Simple or complicated?: complicated. But then if i was simple would i be of any interest to anyone?

* . . . D O Y O U P R E F E R . . . *
5) Flowers or angels?: flowers
6) Grey or gray?: Grey
7) Color or black-and-white photos?: depends on the photo
8) Lust or love?: lust
9) Sunrise or sunset?: Sunrise
10) M&Ms or Skittles?: Skittles
11) Rap or rock?: depends on my moos
12) Staying up late or waking up early?: well i do both!
13) TV or radio?: TV but then i can't get a radio reception in my room....well other than Heart FM!
15) Eating apples or oranges?: apples

* . . . A N S W E R T R U T H F U L L Y . . . *
16) Do you have a crush?: only a safe one
17) Who is it?: someone i know.... ;-)

* . . . D O Y O U P R E F E R . . . *
18) B eing hot or cold?: cold
19) Tall or short members of the opposite sex?: tall i have a height seriously i do.
20) Sun or moon?: Moon
21) Emeralds or rubies?: Rubies
22) Left or right?: right
23) Having 10 acquaintances or 1 best friend?: sometimes one sometimes 10
24) Sun or rain?: sun...
25) Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?: vanilla
26) Boys or girls?: Boys
27) Green beans or carrots?: carrots
28) Low fat or fat free?: fat free

* . . . M I S C E L L A N E O U S . . . *
29) What is your biggest fear in the world?: the world
30) Kids or no kids?: definatly no kids. (unless of course we're talking about baby goats *g*)
31) Cat or dog?: dogs.
32) Half empty or half full?: half empty
33) Mustard or ketchup?: ketchup
34) Hard cover books or soft cover books?: Hard Cover
35) Newspaper or magazine?: Magazine
36) Sandals or sneakers?: Sandals
37) Wonder or amazement?: amazement
38) Red car or white car?: white
39) Happy and poor or sad and rich?: can't i have happy and rich?
40) Singing or dancing?: Dancing
41) Hugging or kissing?: kisisng
42) Corduroy or plain?: plain
43) Happy or sad?: Happy
44) Purple or green?: Purple
45) Blondes, brunettes?: Brunettes

* . . . A B O U T Y O U . . . *
46) What time is it?: 5.45pm
47) Full name?: Samantha
48) Nicknames: Sam, Secretart, Secret Art, Miss Tartie, Tartie
49) Names and ages of siblings?: 1 brother (18)
50) Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake?:nobody got me a cake....but there should ahve been 22
51) Date that you regularly blow them out?: 19th feb
52) Height?: 5' 6''
53) Eye color?:blue
54) Hair color?: currently red

* . . . W H A T D O Y O U W A N T . . . *
55) Where do you want to live?: somewhere with a roof
56) How many kids do you want?: none
57) What kind of job do you want?: one that i find challenging
58) Do you want to get married?: No thank you!
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so i've been thinking about that conversation i had at 1am the other morning... [12 Apr 2003|09:48am]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | Crappy Saterday morning TV ]

and you know what why have i been obsessing over what was said. so he thinks that and belives that thats his opinion, hey he thought i was upset about what happened last time and thought i was kind of freaking out at the pub the next hello i thought the whole situation was hilarious and was actually very pissed! the only person reacting to the situation was him...

besides he's a like this opinion doesn't really count ;)

and i suppose this makes no sense to anyone else but me....and i like that *g*

and i was kinda thinking i need to get my old life back....well parts of it....and the way to do that is to move. althopugh not sure if i can actually afford to move where i want to.....but hey Alison starts work in the city in September so she can introduce me to lots of very nice (read rich) bankers! ;) hee! hee! me shallow? hell yeah! *grins* well maybe not shallow....i just have expensive tastes....i blame my mum....

ohhh shall i buy Harry Potter on DVD today or not.

i want a Mr Knightley! *Swoon* especially if he happens to look like Jeremy Northam.

did i mention i know have 3 hippos! (obviously not the real kind sadly....the landlord still isan't convinced that they'd make a good pet....i haven no idea why?) my mum;s the best...

four day week next week! woohooo and then a four day weekend! yay! i'm going to go party! wohoo!

cough cough

how does my mind work?

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Is it a good or a bad thing? [10 Apr 2003|12:24am]
is drinking vast quanties of Bombay saphire and orange good for me bacuase i'm increasing my daily intake of vitamin C or bad for me because of the gin content?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

i'm going to be a SAP star...its kinda like a rock star only not ;)


cough. cough. splutter. splutter.....still got my perma-cold


where are the good men the heart or in the head?
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Lesson #56 [09 Apr 2003|10:20pm]
1am phone calls with a man you've know for years, been intimate with but who always has a girlfriend are never a good idea. Espcially when they persume that they know you.....hell i don't even know who i am how the hell can he possibly have me all figured out....

so yeah i knew it was all going to end in a not very good way, he thinks he's pissed me off or upset me but you know for that to be true i'd have to care and you know what i really don't...

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Lesson #56 [09 Apr 2003|10:20pm]
1am phone calls with a man you've know for years, been intimate with but who always has a girlfriend are never a good idea. Espcially when they persume that they know you.....hell i don't even know who i am how the hell can he possibly have me all figured out....

so yeah i knew it was all going to end in a not very good way, he thinks he's pissed me off or upset me but you know for that to be true i'd have to care and you know what i really don't...

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