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MY BABY! [07 Nov 2005|03:22pm]
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It'S tHe SuMmEr U hApPy?!

fizz [06 Oct 2005|07:37am]
[ music | Numb Encore by Linkin' Park and Jay Z ]

oh man I got trashed last night...haha I have no clue what happened...I mean I was talking to that one guy from Cali and he really helped me out and that other guy kept calling me, but I didn't answer cuz I guess I passed out lol...someone called me saying they were stuck in the phone but I just hung up...I took a taxi completely wasted oh crap I have homework for math....lol I sooo need I love that guy to death for talking to me last night....he like talked me going to the taxi and all that crap I don't even know how much money I gave him...a la madre I have class lol....

It'S tHe SuMmEr U hApPy?!

SHIT! [05 Oct 2005|07:06pm]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | Killing Me Softly by Fugees ]

ahhh I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I'M FALLING FOR SOMEONE THAT I SOOOO SHOULDN'T FALL FOR! HE'S KINDA A PORN PERSON...LIKE DOES PORN AND SEE'S SEX AS FUN...AND I DON'T!! IT'S SOMETHING SPECIAL AND SACARED! MAN THIS SUCKS BIG BALLS! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE! HE'S NOT EVEN FROM HERE! WELL YET...HE'S MOVING HERE IN EARLY NOVEMBER, BUT I MEAN STILL...I DON'T THINK HE'S SERIOUS, OR MAYBE HE IS! BUT IT'S LIKE SHOULD I HOLD OUT FROM OTHER PEOPLE JUST TO WAIT FOR HIM...WHAT IF HE ISN'T HOLDING OUT ON OTHER PEOPLE...I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS...I DON'T LIKE WAITING FOR PEOPLE! THATS BULLSHIT! IT'S STILL TO EARLY TO CALL, BUT IT'S LIKE SHOULD I FUCK UP EVEN THOUGH IT MIGHT GET SOMEWHERE??? MAN THIS SUCKS BALLS SOOO MUCH! HE'S MADE ME FORGET ABOUT SKY! THE NIGHT I STOPPED TALKING TO SKY I STARTED TALKING TO HIM AND SINCE THEN EVERY DAY EVERY NIGHT...BUT IT'S LIKE HE'S NOT THE TYPE TO GET SERIOUS...BUT MAYBE I'LL BE DIFFERENT FOR HIM...OR MAYBE I WONT...I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO...I HAVE THIS HUGE! TEMPTATION TO DO SOMETHING LIKE TODAY! LIKE RIGHT NOW! BUT I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD CUZ OF THIS OTHER GUY! HE'S SOO SWEET AND NICE AND LIKE ME!! THATS WEIRD! MAN THIS FUCKING SUCKS BIG BALLS!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO! I DON'T THINK ANYONE STILL READS THIS CRAP SO I DON'T EXPECT ANYONE TO ANSWER I JUST LIKE GETTING IT OFF MY CHEST!!!

It'S tHe SuMmEr U hApPy?!

ahhhh [18 Sep 2005|02:28am]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | Drive by Incubus ]

yay I feel weird but I wouldn't be able to write about in on my myspace so here I am....man i'm like sooo sad it's weird...I hate getting depressed, and i'd hate to say this, but I feel so lonely. Like I'm fine being alone, but I hate it at the same time. I always fall for the wrong guys...take my friend Gumby for instance, he's 25 I think almost 26 and we hung out like twice and it was sooo cute the way we hung out the second time. We were sitting outside at this table on the side of my hall till like 2 in the morning. It was weird I dunno it was uber cute...I dunnno needless to say he said to find another because "he's not very attentive" okay Marlene gets over it *well pretends to* I'M STILL TOTALLY INTO SKY! will never able to get out of that, but I dunno it's weird now...he told me he'd leave Val for me, but never would I intentionally hurt her, WELL AFTER TONIGHT YES MAYBE! she didn't let him go out to watch my friends band play! WTF! I talked to her illeaglly *and i wasn't suppose to tell Sky, AND I DID* Shit no one would make me lie to that guy...he like knows everything about me...well yeah he told me that about Val bcuz I told him I couldn't talk to him anymore and he got all sad and kept saying we should try something, but I dunno it was very "yjossey" LMFAO! I dunnno I love that kid to death and would kill just to see him happy and smile...I dunno man i'm getting a little sleepy...Mandie *my friend* is spending the night because her roommates bf is over and she doesn't want to intrude...so yeah me and her are gonna share a twin size bed...IM EXCITED! lol she's already asleep...well i'm out....


~M

It'S tHe SuMmEr U hApPy?!

WOW! [16 Sep 2005|03:22pm]
[ mood | chipper ]
[ music | Still Frame by Trapt ]

Man I miss my blurty! lol i've been so busy with other crap I haven't been able to update this thing..i think i'm just gonna print out all my old entries and delete my account. Well quick update. I don't think anyone reads this anymore, but oh well. LOL
~I don't talk to Robby AT ALL! he's a fucking DICK!
~I'm loving college
~I dunno lol I write everything on my myspace
But i'm starting to think that maybe everything I can't write on my myspace I should come write here...I don't think anyone knows about this...who knows. Well I'm gonna start writing on here more because there have been some times I haven't been able to write certain things because of my friends on my myspace...well I just woke up from a 50 hour nap which felt great and i'm gonna go lay down again...SIXTH STREET IS A CALLING?!?! lmfao just kidding but really! haha i'll come write more later....

2 PeOpLe R hAPpY|It'S tHe SuMmEr U hApPy?!

MY BABY!!!!!!!!! [13 Aug 2005|04:02pm]
[ mood | excited ]
[ music | Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney ]

OH BLURTY MY BLURTY!!! HOW I'VE MISSED YOU SO!!!!!!!!!



GOSH!! I HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN THIS THING IN SOOOOOOOOOOOO LONG! so much has happened!!! AH I MISS WRITING HERE! IT WILL ALLL CHANGE I SWEAR!!! I can't talk much *caresses computer screen* I'LL COME BACK AND WRITE MORE LATER ON TONIGHT! I SWEAR MY LOVE!!! LMFAO!
It'S tHe SuMmEr U hApPy?!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH [09 Jul 2005|12:22am]
[ mood | excited ]
[ music | I Don't Want To Miss A Thing by Aerosmith ]

OH MY GOSH

I'M BACK PEOPLE!!!!!! LMFAO like anyone missed me...but whatever...i'm just here for the freakin' weekend! SO MUCH SHIT HAS HAPPENED ITS NOT EVEN FUCKING FUNNY!!! I'm gonna go back to Austin for another week then I come back for 2 then I leave for I dunno how much longer. All fucked up if you ask me...LET ME GIVE A LITTLE RECAP ON ERRTHANG...
~~I dyed my hair black
~~Robby's in the same country I am
~~I haven't spoken to Robby in FOREVER *long story*
~~I attempted to stop talking to Sky, but failed in one day
~~Sky's having a baby girl
~~I told Sky I had feelings for him
~~Markie's a tard *lmfao j/k nerd*
~~I don't speak to Rio people anymore *for the exception of like 5*
~~I spoke to my roommate, her name's Elizabeth *they call her BETTY* (lmfao)
~~Sof annoys the living shit out of me
~~I'm gonna go see COLDPLAY on Sept. 25th *either ALONE or with TRAC*
~~Sky did some CRAZY ass shit in S.P.I *grrr*
~~My parents almost killed my kitty
~~Gizma might be preg. *GIZMA being my kitty*
~~My brother's back from Iraq for a while
~~Marc told Marc about me *lmfao*
~~Angie wants to invent a random rocky road ice cream *they already have mine*
~~PETE AND PETE was the BEST show!!

Well I think thats pretty much it I don't know i'm fucking tired and my parents destroyed my room...i'll try to come manana and write more...LIKE YOU FUCKERS CARE!! A WHOLE MONTH AND NO FUCKING COMMENTS BASTARDS ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Copyright © 2005 MaWeeN sHiT
It'S tHe SuMmEr U hApPy?!

writing.... [07 Jun 2005|08:53pm]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | Black Ballon *acoustic* by Goo Goo Dolls ]

Well yes here I am sitting down in my computer chair for probably the last time for a while...unless I take it with me. I'm not leaving yet, but I'm leaving to Austin and then to Houston for 2 weeks. Isn't that weird when i'm going to be in Houston Robby is too...Will I meet him? I sure hope so. The song Black Ballon really reminds me of him, don't ask why.

So I talked to Sky last night. He should be at S.P.I. already...doesn't that suck? When i'm going he's coming. Yeah I don't think i'm going to be able to talk to him for a while, unless he gets the guts and calls me *which I really hope he does* I'm going to miss him. Not in that sense, but in the sense that he's a really good friend.

I haven't talked to Robby since last Sunday and thats kinda bumming me out. Not a lot, well at least I don't think. I'm starting to think I really want to meet him. The more I think of him the more I know I do care about him. I also care about someone else too, but Robby's different.

I went to the movies Sunday...I had an o.k. time. The one good thing about it was that I went with a guy, not a date...eww NO...but just as friends. The thing is I don't know he made me feel wanted. We held hands for a while, I didn't feel right holding someone I have no feelings for so I didn't. I just miss feeling someone there for me.

I was thinking of all the times I've been happy. Most of them have been with my friends, but then I really started thinking and I was happy with my ex. I knew it wasn't going to work out, but I don't know I really did love him. It was awesome having someone there for me. Holding his hand, feeling his kiss, hearing his heart as I laid on top of him. It was the best. I mean I don't have feelings for him anymore, in that sense, but apart of me will never forget him. He opened my heart up. He showed me how it felt to really be loved. It's weird that i'm talking about him since we don't even speak anymore, but I guess before I leave i'll just give him a big thank you.

My life has changed so much this year it's unbelievable. I've grown up finally. Am I really ready for all this though? I don't know. I got my diploma today and my transcript and on the drive back home *which isn't too long* I started thinking. I rememebered my first day of highschool. I was terrified, but as I took that final glance I felt like I was leaving home. That just wasn't a school for me. It was my time being spent on the best 4 years of my life *so far* I have so many memories i'm leaving with. I finally had my first boyfriend. First time to get drunk. Pretty much first everythings. You name it I probably did it. I had a 97. some as my average for my senior year. Thats crazy. The one year I did horrible in it was so high. I'm proud of myself. I didn't do lots of things I wanted to do, but I did the best things. I made some good friends and lost some great ones. Knowing I won't see some of these people ever again does make me sad, but just to think i'm starting a whole new chapter in my life makes me so excited OK NO scared. I'm terrified! I'm not ready for all this.

I have a meeting with St.Edwards on Friday and just to think i'm going to spend the next 4 years of my life there is weird. My high school life is going to be so different from my college life i'm sure. Different people...no one to trust...no one to be there for you. How am I going to adjust to that? Everyone knew me over here. How am I suppose to act? Should I act like myself? OH GOSH I think I better not, I would like friends. Maybe i'm just looking too much into this, maybe it will be the best experience of my life. I don't know, but one thing is...i'll never forget anyone I met throughout my life here in Rio. I'm not leaving completly yet, but in a sense i've been gone for a while.

Copyright © 2005 MaWeeN sHiT
It'S tHe SuMmEr U hApPy?!

oh the quizzes I take... [04 Jun 2005|11:00pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

Your Suicide.. by Konstantine
Your Name/Username
Favorite Number?
Favorite Color?
Gender?
How will you commit suicide?You will slash your throat
How many tries will it take?37
When will you commit suicide?September 5, 2045
What will your suicide note say?"Mother, Father .. where did we go wrong?"
Quiz created with MemeGen!


Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...mysterious
Your hugs are...gentle
Your eyes...sparkle like the stars
Your touch is...awakening my heart
Your smell is...refreshing
Your smile is...entrancing
Your love is...everlasting
Quiz created with MemeGen!


What Makes You Sexy?
by eva71
Name/NickName
Gender
Sexy Body Part IsYour Eyes
Special Talents AreShowing off
Quiz created with MemeGen!




Copyright © 2005 MaWeeN sHiT
It'S tHe SuMmEr U hApPy?!

yep [04 Jun 2005|10:16pm]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | Don't Speak by No Doubt ]

Well I was talking to Sky, but for some apparent reason he suddenly stopped talking...I think stalker went over or something....Well I was updating this thingy earlier BUT Markie called and I closed it by accident! LOL I was all depressO and I went onto my AIM and saw Sky online so I came upstairs to talk to him :) LOSER KID! Man he's coming to S.P.I on Tuesday and I told him to drop by, but he has something he needs to do at noon over there. That blows. So yeah I dunno. Markie and moi aren't going to be talking all next week to see if we can last not talking to each other...like me and Robby. I don't think he'll last...he'll miss me too much...LOL j/k. I'll probably be the one to give in, but probably cause i'll be UBER BORED! HAHA J/K LOSER! I don't know why I got all depressed earlier. I was watching Queer Eye For The Straight Guy and it totally made me cry. This guy was asking his girl to marry him. He was SUPER HOT and SUPER SWEET. That got me thinking. I want someone perfect like him. Then I thought to myself, Am I ever going to find someone perfect for me? I have these random ass standards for my perfect guy and I'm so scared no one will ever meet to my expectations. Should I lower my standards? Have I found that perfect person already and I just don't know? Is it too early to call? I don't know i'm a psycho.

There's so much going on with me right now I don't think me stressing about love should be at the top of my list. I've spent the past couple of days at the hospital with my sister because of Bastian. Man yesterday she broke down and I didn't know what to do. I wanted to cry, but I knew I had to stay strong for her. Then on my way home my mom tells me my great aunt is really really sick. She was sick before and they thought she wouldn't make it through because there was something wrong with her insides, but this time nothings wrong with her...she's just going away...slowly. Wow my uncle last week...then all these other family members sick. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME! I feel so helpless.

I'm lost...helpless...numb and careless...I care for no one...not even myself...WHY SHOULD I CARE ABOUT THE WORLD WHEN THE WORLD DOENS'T EVEN KNOW I EXSIST!


Copyright © 2005 MaWeeN sHiT
It'S tHe SuMmEr U hApPy?!

here I am yet again...COSME! [01 Jun 2005|10:08pm]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | Too Close by Next ]

well yep I graduated...Look at me miss. high school graduate. <~~sarcasam*sp*

So yeah i haven't been doing much of anything...well no i take that back on Monday I went to the SPURS game...Markie was angry about that cuz i'm banned from watching their games cuz i'm bad luck...well i was screaming my ass off for the Spurs, but we ended up losing...yeah now everyone thinks i'm their bad luck *falls to the floor dramatically* I BOUGHT A SPURS SHOTGLASS and a neatO shirt...LOOK!


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well yeah so now everyones watching the game and not talking to me cuz i'm bad luck*faints* INSANE i love the SPURS and my future husband BEANO! lmfao or something like that... OH YEAH lol before me and Sof bought our awesome Spurs shirt a cheerleader complimented my boobs! LOL well she said nice shirt, but she was looking right at my boobs! HORRIBLE! lmfao it felt great that one of the Spurs cheerleaders complimented LITTLE OL' ME!!!

AHHH SKY JUST SIGNED ON!!!!!!!! freak i hadn't talked to him since forever...OH GOSH YOU KNOW WHAT! Robby's coming the 16th...am I excited? I really don't know...

I don't know how I feel about him coming anymore...when he told me i practically started crying and thats all i've been able to think about since he told me...i dunno i've been so worried about what to expect!!

OH GOSH! LOL MARKIE TOLD ME THE SWEETEST THING YESTERDAY! cuz my stats said "what if everything i have been waiting for isn't what I expected? what then..." then i wasn't paying attention to the people online cuz I was doing my St.Eds loans crap and Markie IMs me all random and is like "u call me" and i'm like "huh" and he's like "the answer to ur stats" AWWWWWWWWWWWW i thought that was the sweetest *feels special*

so yeah back to the other topic....LOL...i was telling ViKtor about you know all my worries...you know what if he's*ROBBY* turns out to be nothing how I expected...what if i don't like him as much as I thought...then ViKtor all random says "what if he turns you down" WTF! i hadn't thought of that...i'm not perfect...I'M SOOOOOO FAR FROM PERFECT! and all this time i've been thinking what if's for him....WHAT IF HE DOESN'T LIKE ME?? WHAT IF I'M NOT WHAT HE EXPECTED?? gosh thats all i've been thinking about alllllll day! man this blows....i dunno there are several things keeping me from wanting to meet him...

KAY ONE! I'M SCARED SHITLESS!!
~~~BCUZ OF WHAT I'LL THINK OF HIM!
~~~AND WHAT WILL HE THINK OF ME!

TWO! I REALLY DON'T KNOW IF HE'S WORTH ME PUTTING UP WITH MY SISTERS SHIT UP IN HOUSTON!

THREE!! I'M NOT SURE IF WHAT I FEEL FOR HIM IS STILL TRUE.

FOUR! THERE'S ONE MORE THING REALLY, BUT I CAN'T REALLY SAY. SOFIE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN...BUT I'M NOT SURE IF I CAN SHARE IT WITH THE PUBLIC...IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS.

FIVE! I'M JUST SCARED!

so yeah my graduation...hmm lets see...i almost got kicked out...well not just me...me and my row *included Sof, Ang, Double D, Mel and Mar E O* yeah it was kool....we all broke the rules and sat together all badass....it was okay...i got totally wasted at my party LMFAO good times it was pretty much just my family....man it blows cuz 2 days before my grad. I got news my uncle from Cali. passed away...it sucks cuz as a child I didn't have a grandfather and i'd see him as my grandfather. Then he moved and everything changed. He was a great man he shouldn't have gone. I hate that I didn't even get to say bye....now my sisters baby *BABY BASTIAN* is really really sick and they have him in the hospital and everything. It hurts just to know he's sick...i'm not going to say anything, but I THINK we all know what can happen....wow
SO I'M OFF I'LL UPDATE LATER ON TONIGHT IF I FEEL LIKE IT...

Copyright © 2005 MaWeeN sHiT
2 PeOpLe R hAPpY|It'S tHe SuMmEr U hApPy?!

a few words.... [21 May 2005|04:30pm]
[ mood | confused ]


To My Class of 2005...


"2002 will graduate and be gone, 2003 will party on, 2004 will think there're cool, but 2005 will ALWAYS rule"

We've got the jive
We are alive
We're the Seniors of 2005!!!

Graduations don't happen fast.
Cause I bet after 05 people will consider the past.
But deep down in their hearts they can still reminise. All the love, joy, and happiness. As we move on with our lives yes we will remember this day.
If your getting tired this not all i have to say.
Lawyers, Doctors, Policemen.
Yes, we will succeed.
So, believe me when I say in the future we will get the money. And please have faith in us and at least take us out to eat. Cause after 05, we will take over.
So, now do you believe me???

2001 will soon be gone... 2002 will carry on... 2003 will think they're cool... 2004 will never rule... But the class that is alive is the class of 2005!!!

The CLASS of 2005!
Is the best!
There isn't any contest!

As Said The Class Of 2002
But Were Excited And Alive
'Cause Were Da Class Of 2005~
When 2002 Has Graduated and gone,
2003 Will Partie On,
2004 Will Think tHere Kewl
But 2005 Will ALWAYS RULE!!!

Party Here
Party There
Rock the House
We Dont care
Keeping it real Keepin it live
Cuz we the class of 2005!


We have poise, we have class, mess w/ us and we'll kick ur ass! So start the party, drink a beer: the class of 2005 is here!

Party hardy shake that azz, drink bacardi love our class, dirty dancin sex alive, we're the class of 2005!


Party harday harass a cop, drink str8 vodka till i drop, BEER is good, SEX is free, in ur dreams but not from me! we don't do it on tape -- we do it live! we're the class of 2005!


Party hardy rocknroll, drink bacardi smoke a bowl. Doing things we won't regret, the seniors of 2005 is the best class yet!


We're the class that's crazy and wild, we're the class w/ brains & style, we're the class that's PERFECT & alive, we're the class of 2005!


We've got style, we've got class, we've got power, to kick your ass. We've got brains, we've got skill, class of 2005 is a thrill!


We're crazy, wild, we're livin it up. We drink Bacardii, the whole damn cup. Our parties are blazing, the sex is amazing, this ain't no lie, this is the class of 2005!


Dating, parties, friendship, beer, the time for us is almost here. Pep rallys, games, the prom, 2005 is the bomb!!


The ones that were never straight, mark them as the Class of '08. The ones believed to be from heaven, went down instead as the Class of '07. The ones known to get in the mix, lost their groove as the Class of '06. The ones who totally rocked the school, the ones that were just plain cool. The ones that had all of the class, the ones that if you messed with them, they'd kick your ass. The ones that kept the school alive, will always be known as the Class of '05!!


A memory lasts 4ever, and never does it die. True friends stay together and never say goodbye. We'll always be friends until the day we must die. We'll be friends forever, long after 2005.


Party hardy, rock n' roll, drink tequila, smoke a bowl. Dance all night, then take a drive, kiss that girl, and be alive. Get her hard, wear a thong, ride her good, all night long! Follow your dreams, friends forever, get it crunk, we'll stay together. Have some fun, have a blast, mess with us, we'll kick your ass! Sex is great, living large, take some risks, go take charge! Lots of memories, friends to the last, life is great, so remember the past! Kick some ass, and stay alive, we're the class of 2005!


You make friends that you think will last, but in a few years it'll be a thing of the past.
We'll be the class that keeps in touch, we all love each other way too much. Four
years in life we'll never forget, it will seem like we all just met. So keep it real and stay
alive cuz we be the class of 2005


Raise your glasses to the sky,
With hopes and dreams held high.
To the graduates I toast . . .
Here's to the friends weve lost and gained,
And to the people we'll never know by name.
Here's to the bonds weve made and the albums we've filled,
Memories may fade, but never be killed.
Here's to the phone calls filled with tears,
And the hours spent talking away our fears.
To the people we thought deserved our hearts,
Whom now we bash and rip apart.
Here's to the pictures in frames with stories to say,
That we will be sure to pack when we go away.
To the football games we have watched beneath the lights,
And our cheers and chants drifting into the night.
Here's to proms and dances,
And high school romances.
To Homecoming games,
With all the wins in our name.
Here's to the late nights we've spent cramming for tests,
And the mornings where coffee made up for our rest.
To the dances and events we took months to create,
The night before worries that came too late.
Here's to the tears we knew we'd cry,
To the people and places we say goodbye.
To the wild and bizarre things we've done,
That we will remember to be the most fun.
Here's to the letters we left unsigned,
May our identities be revealed all in due time.
To the relationships we wonder how we ever lived without,
And the crushes we look back on and laugh about.
So now it's time to place our glasses down,
Put on our caps and turn our tassels around.
Listen for our names and let them echo through,
And realize how fast these four years just flew



~!~SENIORS 2005~!~





Copyright © 2005 MaWeeN sHiT
1 PeOpLe R hAPpY|It'S tHe SuMmEr U hApPy?!

only on occasions... [20 May 2005|09:10pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | Goodbye by Michelle Branch ]

I've noticed that I haven't been updating my journal. Why is that? Maybe because i've been a little happy? NO! Well I have been happy sometimes, mostly when I'm with my friends, but other than that i've been horrible. I don't understand what's wrong with me anymore. I can't take living anymore. Maybe I can't take living HERE anymore, I just don't know. I'm not happy, i've lost my motive for living. Before I knew what I wanted to do with my life, but now it's all a blur. I'm so confused in this world. I feel so little in such a vast amount of space. I'm so fake. I pretend to be someone i'm not. I'm tired of that. I want to be me. I want to think for myself. What's keeping me from doing this? ME! I am. Who else would it be? I don't understand why I don't let people in. I tell them only a section of my life. Some people deserve to know all about me, and they want to know, but do I tell them? NO! I let the wrong people in. Maybe people don't deserve to know the real me, but me bieng the naive fuck I am I tell them. I'm an idiot, i'm exactly like everyone else. I try to be different I try to be myself, but in reality I'm not. I'm the same. It's pathetic.

I hate my family...Let me correct myself, I hate my mother. I can't stand anything about her. She's unbearable. She makes the worst excuses to not let me go out. She expects me to give up my summer to help out my sister, and I was going to do it, BUT she didn't let me go out THE LAST WEEKEND i'm home. So screw her and HER insecurites, i'm not going to HOUSTON! i'm staying...well I don't know, but i'm sure my friends would open their houses for me. I don't understand her sometimes. She expects so much from me, yet she doesn't expect that i'd want anything in return.

I'm gradutating 91 out of 495. I was disappointed in myself, and then she calls just to see what was my rank and makes me feel even worse. If she only half the shit I did to get that place. It's not my fault that they rank us all the same. It's completly unfair that people that take regular classes are ranked higher than me, that has only taken 2 regular classes MY WHOLE HIGH SCHOOL CAREER. Yeah colleges look at what classes you take and it shouldn't matter what i'm ranked, but still it matters to me. My sister graduated 28 and the other 50 and of course my mother compared me to them. Is it my fault i'm not motived to do better? I told her I wasn't interested in persuing my education, she practically went off on me. It's the truth. I'm tired of them not knowing the real me. They know I don't believe in god, but I don't think they have accepted it. I'm not like my sisters, or maybe I am and I just don't know it. Let me find out who I am first then i'll compare myself to everyone else and actually let people in.

My friends...my friends are my world. I don't know what i'll do without them. Schools been a home away from hell. I go to school and there I can be myself. I don't have to try to please people because they will accept me for who I am. I love the point that they aren't judgemental and critize everything about me. What am I going to do without Sofie.

I've thought about it, but it hasn't hit me. It hasn't hit me that she's not going to be there everyday. I'm not gonna be able to call her whenever I want. She's going to have her life and i'm going to have mine. That's crazy. I've relied on her for so long, i've known her for even longer. She's there. She's there for me when I need her and even when I don't. I can't say bye to her. It would be too hard. It would hurt me like a thousand deaths. What if we lose touch? What if she finds someone else to call a bestfriend? What then? I hate thinking...

I'm scared of losing the people that I have grown so attached to. We are always there for eachother and now it's over. That's scary.

I hope I don't lose touch with anyone i've ever called a friend.

Copyright © 2005 MaWeeN sHiT
2 PeOpLe R hAPpY|It'S tHe SuMmEr U hApPy?!

A few good words from my sister... [10 May 2005|02:21pm]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | *CHONGERS TALKING* ]

I guess ultimately you have to realize what you really want out of life, and considering it is so fast paced you have to realize it soon.
It is healthy to pretend every once in a while so long as YOU realize that you are pretending and you don't lie to yourself.
Egs. If you do know that you want to continue your education, start off at St. Edwards and don't see it as a barrier, see it as a stepping stone to what your goal is.
DON'T SEE IT AS AN END, RATHER A MEANS TO AN END.
the Play is the thing, and we are all actors.
You have no idea often I pretend, to be honest, no one knows me, not even Lee.
For the most part he does, but I still feel like I can't fully let him in.
I am crazy about him, but when you put yourself out like you are setting yourself up for failure and disappointed either within yourself or someone else.
A womans heart is an ocean full of secrets.
Don't feel compelled to tell everyone or anyone, for that matter, everything.
I am certain that I don't know all there is to know about Lee too. And that is okay, privacy and occassional solitude is healthy.
Get used to it though, it is not a teenage thing, it is LIFE.
I don't want to work where I am at the rest of my life, but I know that I have to build connections, history, to get where I want to be.
Believe me, sometimes I feel guilty, embarassed by things that I feel or think.
But I don't tell anyone, and that is works out well.
I find that often I am in my own little world ~ and this is okay.
People don't often talk about things like this, so this will be the last time I mention anything remotely close to this, and I don't expect to hear it from anyone else either. Drunken stupor or not.
I don't want Lee to think that I am not open with him , ultimately I tell him everything he needs, wants and should know. But there are those few things about me, that if he knew ~ it wouldn't change anything, it would just make me vulnerable. He would know how he can hurt me more, not that I don't trust him, but people do stupid things when they are mad.
If you feel you need to talk to someone, I don't know why you don't talk to me. You are so difficult at times, that I try to avoid you.
You pick and chose who you favor at that particular time, and I don't think that is fair to the people around you. How can people know and or try to know you, if you don't let them in, and if so , it is only for a minute.
You have it soooo good right now that you don't even realize it, enjoy what you have and recognize that not many have the min. luxuries that you do, down to your green converse.
Does it really matter if they're green or pink, so long as you have something that is keeping nails, glass, and splinters away?
Realize what is important in your life and pick your battles, the race is only with yourself.

Copyright © 2005 MaWeeN sHiT
3 PeOpLe R hAPpY|It'S tHe SuMmEr U hApPy?!

so yeah... [10 May 2005|01:23pm]
[ mood | guilty ]
[ music | Volverte A Ver by JUANES! ]

I have like jazillion hours to update this and since RobbY told me "BRB" i can write without getting distracted...so yeah lol on Sat. i was having the worse day ever cuz I didn't go to prom and I took it out on my babe...FIZZ! i told him I didn't want to talk to him till the summer AND HE LISTENED! sheesh!!! does he not know the rules of girls...YOU DON'T LISTEN TO CRAP LIKE THAT! lol so today I was asking if he was mad and he said he was just doing what I SAID! loser! LOL so yeah now i'm talking to him again...YEP I'M A LOSER I CANT GO LIKE A DAY WITHOUT TALKING TO HIM! hehe...he saw some pics of me and he said all these good things! MAN WHICH TOTALLY REMINDS ME! those pics that I have of me and Sof i put them up so Sky can see and he kept talking about Sof's smile and stuff AHHH I GOT SO FREAKIN' JEALOUS! i invited him to my grad. party I HOPE HE FREAKIN' COMES! DAMN THAT WOULD BE THE BEST!!!! lol yeah he knows about my journal, but he's not allowed to read it cuz I talk about him *ponders if he actually reads it* SO YEAH! lol about that random ass phone call this morning I thought it was RobbIE, but i called him and he said it wasn't him...he's the only loser i'd know that might be awake at that time cuz i fell asleep at around 2ish-1:30ish talking to him...SO i dunno well yeah on Friday it was uber fun! i went to the STC graduating thingy and after we went to go eat at Denny's and then hit up Wally World *lmfao* yeah Trevor's so for "Y" but I dunno i'm for him too, but I cant get my mind off you know Sky and shit so i dunno....my baby's back so yeah I'll try to update today, but at 7 i'm going to go see this speaker guy...HE'S A SURVIOR FROM THE HOLOCAST! and for some odd reason i'm extremely interested in the Holocast and Adolf Hitler...so yes I better go I LOVE ROBBY!!

Copyright © 2005 MaWeeN sHiT
It'S tHe SuMmEr U hApPy?!

SO MANY THINGS...AND ME TOO LAZY TO UPDATE! [10 May 2005|01:04pm]
[ mood | excited ]
[ music | *NANCY JEAN TALKING TO RUDY* ]

so yeah I dunno theres TWO very important days coming up...FIRST!!!

~*~MELITON'S 18TH BIRTHDAY~*~

thats tomorrow...AND!!!

~!~MY BABY'S BIRTHDAY~!~

SO YEAH THATS ON THE 12TH!!! i'm excited about that I don't think we're doing much for Mel and i'm not even gonna be with my love for his *tear tear* SO YEAH lol the funniest shit ever happened yesterday! Someone called me at 3:44am saying i have 7 days to live...ah the bell rang BRB YAY I TALKED TO MY BABY!!! lol long story there!

Copyright © 2005 MaWeeN sHiT
It'S tHe SuMmEr U hApPy?!

I WON THREE AWARDS!!! [08 May 2005|10:36pm]
[ mood | chipper ]
[ music | Losing Grip by Avril Lavigne ]

I WON FOR....

>>>WORST/BIGGEST ATTITUDE<<<

>>>MOST SCHOOL SPIRITED<<<

>>>DRAMA QUEEN<<<


Copyright © 2005 MaWeeN sHiT

It'S tHe SuMmEr U hApPy?!

JUST FOR SKY! [07 May 2005|11:37pm]

~!~ME AND MY BESTFRIEND~!~
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~!~MY GIRLS~!~
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It'S tHe SuMmEr U hApPy?!

IS IT NORMAL TO HAVE A SISTER LIKE THIS? [05 May 2005|11:42pm]
[ mood | crazy ]
[ music | Times like These by Foo Fighters ]

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~!~MY SISTER BERTHA~!~
Copyright © 2005 MaWeeN sHiT

2 PeOpLe R hAPpY|It'S tHe SuMmEr U hApPy?!

~!~RANDOM THINGS~!~ [05 May 2005|11:09pm]
[ mood | cranky ]
[ music | Graduation Song by Vitamin C ]

~!~FRONT COVER~!~
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~!~INSIDE~!~
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~!~BACK *LOCATION*~!~
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~!~PROM '05~!~
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Copyright © 2005 MaWeeN sHiT

It'S tHe SuMmEr U hApPy?!

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