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Wednesday, July 2nd, 2003
11:28 pm

Clickety-click!

(Kiss my ass)

Tuesday, July 1st, 2003
12:55 pm - [Shoot the Kids at School]
Ooooh what a blinding weekend lol. Stef had a gathering on Saturday night, with about 8 of us just drinking and having a smoke. Saw Emily who I haven't spoken to in tiiiime....well she's 5 1/2 months pregnant now. Whoa. She seems really happy, and she definitely has that 'glow' - she looks so healthy and fresh without any make up. lol I am definitely not pregnant then.
Went to up Camden on Sunday, with Kris, met up with Sophie and Aaron who were shopping like only happy bunnies can. Bought some T-shirts (NOFX, Clash, randomness) and then me and K* went to see Leftover Crack at the Underworld. oooooooooof (*^_^*) They ruled. They played with a not-so-good Yorkshire band (Ninja-something- whoops I forgot), Fiveknuckle (awesome! lol) and Antimaniax (excellent political punk). Had a v v good skank/mosh, with bruises to prove it hehe.
Then we missed the last train back *eeek* and had to stay overnight in a rundown hotel at Victoria....but it was fun. And I missed work haha. We have alot of fun together...bless!
So didn't go to work yesterday....beside that I've got a really nasty cold and am hacking up all kinds of wonderful things...so me and kris stayed in, smoked and he wrote "murder the government' in freaky writing over my t-shirt and we vowed to start making more of our own clothes. I definitely need a sewing machine, and preferably the skills to use it. Mad consumerism gets me down. DIY!

Saw MU 330 on Wednesday, with Ye Wiles and Vanilla Pod. The gig was excellent, especially MU 330 who are the shit lol. Saw Claire, whos back from Europe. Got into a mad fight with the 'New Age Mods' afterwards though. They accused Loz of lashing out in the moshpit (when he was with us!) so one of the fucking trendy wankers got all his chav mates down and they followed us to the station shouting 'oi mohawk' etc, proving they didn't even know who loz was! Then they punched him and Kris and Richie a few times, and tried to spit in mine and Lauren's faces. I had to drag one of them off Kris a few times, and they kept knocking off his new glasses *grrrr*. They went eventually, once the police came round wondering what was happening. Fucking cowards. They started in a group of 5, and then ended up about 10 of them against me, kris and Lauren.
The trouble is, these people come to the gig and mosh but still have their brains in their balls and way too much testosterone. They don't care about the music, just posing and getting into fights. And its not like you can fight back, because they have a nice clique of meatheads to call on, and it will only mean none of us can go out alone anymore.

Why can't ppl just fuck off sometimes?

current mood: accomplished
current music: Stiff Little Fingers- Alternative Ulster

(Kiss my ass)

Monday, June 16th, 2003
11:37 pm - My brain is hanging upside down
Went a a rave in a forest on Saturday night. We were gonna do an SWP and tea stall, but everyone ummm'ed and ahhh'ed and then half the people I was going with decided to stay home (bless em, they're getting old!) so it was just me, kris, james and neville who drove (what a cool guy). The music was psychedelic trance, there was a loaded drugs stall, lots of fucked people and an amazing atmosphere. The fact that it was such a mission made it extra good hehe - by the time we got there (2am) the coppers had blocked off the roads that led to it. What to do, what do to?! Well....we decided to outsmart them (^_-) which took ooooh all of ten seconds of thinking...meaning we walked around them through the fields and dykes and just followed the music (and the trail of mash-heads) to our destiny lol. I mean, what was the point of the police? They were totally ineffectual anyway, they just stood there, said you were 'liable for arrest if you tried to get in' (basically bluffing because 'liable' doesn't mean anything) and then watched you walk off in the other direction to find a way in. There were even a couple of pig cars right by the entrance, and they just watched you walk through.

It was James' first rave, so he was pretty stoked in the most cheesey, E-ed up way ever. Which I don't mind, btw....he's just annoying cuz he ponces off you all the time...fags, pills, entrance fee etc...plus as soon as we saw the coppers, he went 'o well, might as well turn back' and I was like 'whatthefuck! We drove for 2 hours in the middle of the night! This has only just begun!'. Of course I never said that, cuz I hardly know him and I have some degree of patience...so I just ignored him instead. Much more diplomatic...and hell he realised he was wrong so thats good enough for me.

So we raved til 9am and then broke down on the way back..dammit. I was so fucked last night, got a taxi home from Kris' and it was *so* weird...the driver was a total raver! He had blue/red/green changing headlights, fluro strips inside, trance banging out the stereo, and neon lights around the dashboard! Turns out he is a raver (duh) and so he's gonna drop some flyers through my door with his number so I can get to some more raves! *yay*

*I don't live to work, I work to live and live at weekends* ....never before could I say that the Stereophonics actually meant something to me lol...but that line does. I'm officially a wage slave now. Can't wait til Friday!

Tragic huh.

current mood: giddy
current music: NOFX- Eat the Meek

(Kiss my ass)

Tuesday, June 10th, 2003
7:35 pm - [1000 rebellions sleep]
*ugh* work still sucks. Its getting me down, man! I now have this paranoid fantasy that I'm gonna get the sack any day now. Irrational, slightly scary but fantastic nonetheless.

Was talking to some peeps in a political chatroom last night....*tsk ruby - yahoo is for dummies remember?!* It amazes me how many people spout off about their politics and really know fuck all about political theories and philosophies. Like one girl was saying that socialism must be bad, because Bush is a socialist (!!) and why would he put people above profit as he's so rich....jeez you gotta be in a world of your own for that to make sense! Sometimes I have alot of faith in people power, and then you meet someone that misinformed and you wonder...maybe thats why people think I'm a nutter??!! Do they think I think that? Hell no, they probably just don't think at all.

Feeling extremely lonely today. Luckily I'm at K*'s now (^_^). He bought me the graphic novel Palestine by Joe Sacco. Bless him - I know he wanted it for himself but I guess this way we can share it. Looks amazing. I know I'm gonna get settle down with a spliff and have a mammoth read. Sorry K* - I just can't help reading.....

current mood: Speculative
current music: Tilt - Bad Place

(Kiss my ass)

Monday, June 9th, 2003
11:03 pm - Push the little daisies and make em come up
Been busy lately...working like a fucking robot actually. I fucking hate it, only the time isn't quite right to just quit yet.

Went to a good Marxist forum last week, on Lenin *mental note- actually READ some Lenin soon!*....then went to a council meeting discussing the privatisation of a local beach.....instant reminder of why the parlimentary process is in serious trouble- its all so fucking bureacratic!! All the guys in suits got to vote, while the rest of us sat there getting frustrated...and in the end they said they'd write a report about the beach in TWO WEEKS and then try and stop the local fat cat from buying it...! Jeez how difficult is it to see a) People need the beach and b) its our fucking right to have public space! End of story.

*breath* Went down to Margate on Saturday night, to meet some asylum seekers who are on hunger strike against Section 55 of the Criminal Justice Act that says basically if you don't fill out your forms to apply for asylum within 3 days, the government can throw you out of the country, send you back to torture, war, whatever etc because of a stupid fucking form! Just another way to keep 'them' i.e. people from other countries who need help, apart from 'us', the rich, fat cat white people who could easily help them.

Its terrible really, these people come here and are given next to nothing, treated apallingly by racist locals and then left on the bottom rung of society to rot. And they are nice people, intelligent and skilled- they could work here, help sustain a 'greying' population (i.e we have too many older people who can't work to be sustained by too few young working people) and get a better chance in the world, help support families by sending money home etc. but no. They are the devil, we are 'swamped' by them - even though last year 36,000 people applied for asylum and only 15,000 were accepted anyway - enough to fill a smallish arena gig over the whole of Britain!- and remember we must KEEP THEM OUT. Fuck that. Fuck boarders. They just divide us and separate us and rule us that way. And we make it so fucking easy.

(Kiss my ass)

Monday, June 2nd, 2003
11:01 pm - [Ah- An-ti, anti-capit-a-list-a, overthrow the system - REVOLUTION SOCIALISTA!]
Whoooo I just got back from the G8 tonight, after a massive car journey from Geneva (where we stayed) to England. 13 hours but well fucking worth it .

The demos were excellent, the crowd was really cool and I barely saw a single pig along the main demo (weird cuz in Britain they follow you the whole way on a march) though obviously they were saving their energy for the much-loved tear gassing (again something never seen in England). I dunno which method I prefer to be honest, but they're all a bunch of oppressive bastards so neither!

Also it was fucked up that we couldn't even get into Evian, residents only the whole weekend, but it shows they're running scared at the thought of a huge (100,000) angry mob storming the building. Rightly so, the feeling you get there is a movement growing and getting more angry and more militant every time you see stuff like this. Vive la resistance!

Fuck you G8!!

(more later......this revolutionary needs her bed.... (x_x) Zzzzzz.... )

(Kiss my ass)

Sunday, April 27th, 2003
11:15 pm - The Fat Cats Get Fatter, Feeding on the Bodies of Dead Children...
Yet again their way wins...

Just watched an incredibly sad and sickening documentary on Channel 4, Dying For Drugs. It makes me so fucking angry at how the world works, and more determined to work against it in every way possible.

To Pfizers- How can you people sleep at night, knowing that your actions, your choice to charge $27 per pill to a family that earns $90 per week means that their sick, dying orphaned child cannot get strong and healthy once more, and will die on the way to the hospital!! This is the consequence of your actions;

That is your fault and no one elses.

And Novatis - charging $55,000 per year (thats $19 per pill, 8 pills per day!!) to Leukemia patients in South Korea, knowing that you could charge as little as $1 per pill and still make a profit!!!

People are dying because of these companies, and because of the World Trade Organisation that supports and encourages these obscene profits and despicable actions.

Burn in Hell.

(Kiss my ass)

Tuesday, April 22nd, 2003
4:31 pm - Focus
Oh dear..gotta stop shopping online dammit! Keep buying books, and then more books hehe. So far, I'm waiting for;

Kim Chernin- The Hungry Self
Noam Chomsky- The Fatal Triangle; The US,Israel and Palestine
Naomi Klein- Fences and Windows: Dispatches from the Frontlines of the Globalisation Debate
Nancy Friday- My Secret Garden
The Sims & Livin' It Up (I know, I'm a nerd!)

Got so much to read! As I can't really go out, I'm excused.

Got a letter from Shelby today, a girl I talk to online...we decided it'd be cool to write the 'old-fashioned way' I love getting letters! All the way from the USA! Cool huh. I'm gonna write back today.

I finally decided what I wanna do at uni in September. The course is Development Studies (major) + Politics...sounds like a really good course, all about developing countries, economics, globalisation, world poverty etc...all the stuff I need to study to end up working for some sort of humanitarian/AID+Relief agency (hopefully). Thats what I really wanna do, that and be a writer. Can't wait til uni!

current mood: productive
current music: Sick of It All - America

(Kiss my ass)

Sunday, April 13th, 2003
2:23 pm - Home *sweet* home
Gaaah I've been indoors over a week now, not venturing out except for one measley hospital appointment....actually it has been kinda fun- no work *huzzuh* and I can pretty much do what I like at home i.e. be lazy, watch TV, rent films, surf the Net, hang out with Kris.....its all good. He's supposed to be on his way over today...geez, where is the boy?!

Been watching my new TV that my mum bought for me *bless* and reading the book 'The Impressionist' that my sister sent me....plus I got a hay-uge bunch of flowers delivered from my auntie - awww you guys! My parents are still making a huge fuss of me, which is nice, even if I think they worry about me a little too much...they don't want me to get depressed again over this but I'm actually feeling pretty ok for the most part.

My orthadentist put elastics on my brace to close my jaw properly...which means a liquid diet until he takes them off. I'm getting used to not eating now, at first it was really hard, and I was *so* hungry but now its been 10 days and my stomach has shrunk so Slim Fast actually fills me up! I feel a skinny coming on....hehe.

(Kiss my ass)

Monday, April 7th, 2003
3:46 pm - Monica in a Fat Suit
Well I'm home at last...lovely long weekend away at the expense of the NHS. I had the op done and I'm swollen, bruised and feeling depressed....you know the Friends episode where they do the 'what ifs?' and Monica is still fat...yes, that is my face. Hurrah. Remind me never to gain 200lbs.
The nurses and doctors were all *so* nice to me, I just wanted to cry....my estimation of the National Health Service has gone sky-high. All very clean and efficient.
My orthadentist said everything seems to be going fine, although I was very close to having a nervous breakdown this morning while I waited to be discharged. It had got to that point, it was all just too much and I couldn't believe what I'd put myself through (all stages, btw, that they'd forewarned me of- doh).

But I'm home now, my boyfriend is on his way over (he has already seen me, in all my post-op glory, and he's still insisting on seeing me- brave boy) and I feel alot better. I've got skinny again, -being on two bowls of soup a day for 4 days does have that effect, apparently- so now I'm just kinda weak and have looser trousers. Great. Bizarrely I'm craving a fucking huge yorkshire pudding. And vegetables....gawd I miss them. Real food, I shall not forsake thee any longer. Yeah. Who am I kidding. We'll be old enemies again by next week. But in the meantime, I can dream....

current mood: frustrated
current music: the phone going briing briing

(Kiss my ass)

Wednesday, April 2nd, 2003
10:51 pm - Scared (>_
I'm getting more and more afraid now...I go in to the hospital tomorrow afternoon for my operation and Kris is away and I've got no one to talk to...*cries* I'm scared it'll go wrong or something....I think I'm more scared cuz of the unknown. I've never had an operation before, and even though this is nothing life-threatening, they're breaking both my top and bottom jaws and resetting them...so its still pretty bad.

I wonder what I'll look like after the op? I know I'll be swollen and bruised for a few days, but after that I mean....It should change face shape a bit...I'm hoping I'll look 'better' somehow...ha like all my facial flaws are down to this...I wish. Nope, I'll probably still look like me, unfortunately..what if I look worse?! *ugh* please no...

current mood: anxious
current music: The sound of the death and destruction of Iraq

(3 Kisses | Kiss my ass)

Tuesday, March 25th, 2003
7:26 pm
shrooms
Shrooms.
Star light,
star bright,
what images will I see tonite?


Which drug should you be hooked on? [now with pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla

(Kiss my ass)

Friday, March 21st, 2003
9:27 pm - Not Quite Seattle....
But its a start! Went to the protest in Canterbury last night. Wikkid!! I got there about 6pm, and there'd been stuff going on all day and by that time there were about 200-300 people gathered. We marched through town, then occupied the ring-road in a sit-down. The pigs were out in force *oink* and they diverted all the traffic for a while while we made some speeches and stuff, then we marched down to the cathedral (it was the first protest there since Thomas Beckett in 1500- something [Henry VIII time]- how cool is that lol). and occupied that for a while. Got filmed all the time though by some trying-to-intimidate pigs in combats and stuff who were basically trying to provoke some violence so they could make an arrest to set the 'example'. Muthafuckers. So much for 'to serve and protect'. What a fucking joke. We started chanting 'this is what democracy looks like' at them haha.
I was well proud to see all that go down in sleepy old Canterbury. Time for a rude awakening lol.

Tomorrow should be good. Managed to wangle my way outta work so we're heading to London for the demo there. The BBC are coming with us on the train (yes- the BBC! weird. I'm kinda suspicious....maybe they're gonna try and make us look stupid...they're totally biased towards the government naturally....I mean they sent a memo round saying they didn't want any 'extreme' anti war people to get on the BBC and national telly and now they wanna report on us??! Hmmm). Also Meridian TV (the local channel) have lent us a video camera to film the day with. Wikkid!! I dunno if I wanna be on national TV though...I'm kinda nervous but I guess it'll be good to get a point across. Bunny and Helen (two other organisers/comrades hehe) were on the BBC news too the other day, so maybe it'll be good coverage. Who knows.

anyway I can't wait. Yeeeeeeh!!!

current music: Anti-Flag- About Face

(Kiss my ass)

Tuesday, March 18th, 2003
6:33 pm - Stop the goddamn War
oh god oh god oh god oh god I can't believe its come to this...in a matter of hours they're gonna start the killing...I am so fucking angry about it. I take it personally, this war 'in our name' . I'm ashamed to be British...not that it was ever that great anyway.....the only reassuring thing to say is 'at least I'm not American'. Bush and Blair have got alot to answer for.

Anyway, getting angry is no use unless you use it....so this week I guess is more important than any other. The momentum of the movement has to keep going, getting stronger. Just because the war has started, doesn't mean it can't be stopped. The consolation in looking at Vietnam is slight but there, nonetheless -it took 4 years for the anti-war movement to get going over that, but it was successful anyway...this time we've already started fighting, and the assholes in government haven't fooled anyone from day one.
We can only hope...oh, and show those muthafuckers that WE MEAN IT!!

(1 Kiss | Kiss my ass)

Sunday, March 9th, 2003
9:10 pm - *ugh*
Why is alcohol legal anyway?! If the powers that be had any interest in the health and well-being of the population, they'd legalise cannabis immediately and heavily fine anyone caught within sniffing distance of the demon drink. I cannot believe how drrrrunk I got Friday night. I was an a b s o l u t e state. I'm older enough to know better....I blame the people I was with...they are maniacs with alcoholic tendancies....Stoopid, stoopid girl.

I've gotta get the 7:05am train to work tomorrow *groan* to start early in the new building. Geez life just gets better.....

current mood: blah
current music: Good Riddance- Always

(Kiss my ass)

Friday, March 7th, 2003
5:22 pm - *Par-tay*
Going out with the peeps from work tonight. Will be weird, cuz I don't really hang out with them or people like them ever....but I have an open mind, and plenty of drinking money...so I should be okay *grin*

Better go get ready soon....getting picked up in an hour. Shit, I have no idea what to wear, we're going to a stupid trendy pub/club meat market lastly, so I have to wear heels (ew), and now its pissing it down with rain so I need to be warm.....fuck it, I'll wear the boots. You can't go wrong with boots.....

Anyway enough of this pointless drivel.

Twaddle twaddle twaddle...man, I like that word. That's Biggies word now!!

current mood: antagonised
current music: NOFX - My Name is Bud

(Kiss my ass)

Monday, March 3rd, 2003
12:06 am


Just got back from Revolution 2003, the SWP's student teach-in weekend. Ahhh it was good, few hundred student activists, loads of debates, talks, drinking and smoking weed. What more could a girl ask for?!

The whole weekend was really inspiring. It makes a change to be around like-minded people who understand and know what socialism means in the first place, without needing a basic introduction to the bare bones of politics, such is our apathetic youth today *sob*. Sounds like the Stop the War coalition is really getting going now too.

What I do find hard to grasp though is the open hostility we sometimes get. I have been sworn at, spat at and insulted personally in the street because of my views...I mean I could understand that if I was a Nazi or something, but the whole idea of socialism is to make things better for everyone in the whole world, because we believe that basic necessities like food, water, shelter, sanitation etc are a human right (which they are!!) and that the world we live in easily has the potential to provide all this and much more in its resources and technology, only the majority of the world is actually denied these basic rights in order to protect the interests of the tiny minority, the ruling classes and capitalists, that wield total control over the system and each individual's life and how they live it.

There was a guy there who was a member of the Labour Party and a reformist (of course) who argued in a debate that being a revolutionary was basically a waste of time, and that instead of building for a revolution now to free humanity from opression we should try and run for council elections, wait a few years, then apply to become an MP, and then wait a little longer and try and get a little more of the power that inadvertantly trickles down through the system and then maybe we could hope to vote on a bill being passed that could reform society in some insignificant way (probably by lowering single mother's benefit or bombing someone else yet again *grrr* ). I mean excuuuuuse me, but who is the one 'wasting time' around here???!! I'm not prepared to spend a huge part of my life in such a pointless and demoralising way only to be told at the end of it that I'd have to tow the party line and bomb the shit out of a bunch of innocent people to keep the leadership together!!! (Which is, by the way, exactly what is happening in the Labour party right now). Noooooo thank you Mr psuedo Socialist!! I mean if a system's shit, and blantantly not working for the majority of people who have to suffer it, then why carry on with it in the first place? There is no 'human face' to capitalism. Its better that we put it out of its misery now, and maybe we can find something nice to say about it at its wake, as people do.....not me personally though. I'll be dancing on its grave :-D

current music: Lunachicks- Hope to Die

(1 Kiss | Kiss my ass)

Sunday, March 2nd, 2003
11:11 pm
Hooligan Bear
Hooligan Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

*************************************

*ho hum* I knew that already.... :-P

current mood: restless
current music: Anti-Flag - Police State in the USA

(Kiss my ass)

Monday, February 24th, 2003
8:12 pm - Plans wheeeeeeeee!!!
Good weekend. Phil came down *yay* and we stayed in at Kris' all weekend just smoking and talking. Feel nice and refreshed now *grin* Phil dumped Hiver cuz she's a B I T C H. Hrmp. Enough of that.

Am gonna start looking for a new job soon in case my pooey company don't take me on after my 13 weeks are up. I hate doing it. I had a dream last night that I got three interviews, but they were all in car insurance!! Nooooooo!

Going to the Revolution weekend next week *yay* T'is a student Marxist teach-in at a London uni. Hmmm there's a squat party on too on Saturday night....tempting...Thing is, it'll end up like the last Marxism weekend, when me, Kris, Phil and Sophie ended up meeting some Spanish ravers on a night bus (we were going home) and they took up to a squat party instead...excellent night, but too fucked up for politics the next day. Damn.
Ahhh the temptation will get the better of us, it always does....who could turn down an insane night of hedonistic pleasure, marked only by brief moments of necessary sobriety that last just long enough to chow down on some more happy pills or get it together to scrounge a fag..... sweet :D

current mood: chipper

(Kiss my ass)

Monday, February 17th, 2003
1:34 am
Mmmm time for bed, said Zebedee....

current mood: thoughtful

(3 Kisses | Kiss my ass)


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