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Blurred Salvation

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[12 Nov 2003|05:06pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

"Close Friends"

Today you told me that I'd hate you forever
I can't believe what's really going on
Somehow I knew that you felt guilty for something
But tell me why you do this to me
Today you told me that I'd hate you forever
I can't believe that you'd wreck my life

I was betrayed, how can you say that you feel sorry inside
It's devastating, losing close friends
I've gone away, you make me stay but I can't tell it from lies
I've gone insane, losing close friends

Today I made the worst mistake
I put my trust into someone I don't know
And now I know because you've done everything possible to me
Made me so upset
And now I know just who to trust because you're laying in bed
You're thinking 'bout all that fucked up shit

I was betrayed, how can you say that you feel sorry inside
It's devastating, losing close friends
I've gone away, you make me stay but I can't tell it from lies
(Lies)
I've gone insane, losing close friends

I'm so weak
The closeness of your skin
The smell of this place
Makes me go insane

I

You make me go insane
[Repeat]

I was betrayed, how can you say that you feel sorry inside
It's devastating, losing close friends
I've gone away, you make me stay but I can't tell it from lies
I've got insane, losing close friends

Losing close friends
[Repeat]

Shut the window love

[14 Oct 2003|06:44pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | lacuna coil - heaven's a lie ]

The great thing about today was that I heard STP - sour girl on the radio 5 min ago. I thought I didn't have to stress about Amanda but apparently I do because arg.. fuck.

Shut the window love

FUCK IT [12 Oct 2003|08:26pm]
[ mood | angry ]

You all fucking said it would get better but it's guna fuck up even more! The car accident Amanda (sister) got into, well she's on the insurance policy with my dad for some odd fucking reason and there trying to contact my dad-not her. You want to know why? Because the lady who my sister hit, who drives a fucking lexus by the way, wants to sue. She probably has neck/back pain or whatever. Her attorneys can find out how much money we have and fucking sue us into the ground, we could lose our house. Yeah it's possible people do it all the time because theyre greedy fucks. The lady is going to sue my dad because he has cash and my sister doesn't have $10 bux to her name. To the people who fucking said it was going to get better, it just got a violent shove into worse.
Fuck it. :jumps off a cliff:

Shut the window love

:oD! [11 Oct 2003|06:41pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]
[ music | creep - stone temple pilots ]

The cat scan, MRI, and the kidney tests all came back negative! He's going to be ok! There going to keep him for an extra day to test his blood for rare diseases or something like that but it's all good because he's coming home tomorrow!!!
I got him a stone temple pilots cd I know that will make him happy, and I got myself MTV2 Head bangers ball cds. Blah I'm so bored. And hungry.
Oh! Speaking of being hungry... Went to the mall saw Alicia (<3) and my mom and I went into Ruby Tuesday's and we had a hot waiter. But he came up to my shoulders. He was so hot but so short! Nice butt and everything (damn straight I looked!) but no... he had to be short! :shakes fist:
Sounds like I had fun. I'm going to order pizza,

Shut the window love

[11 Oct 2003|11:51am]
[ mood | busy ]

-------------------------------
WHO WILL LOVE ME IN MY MADNESS?
-------------------------------
By: James Kavanagh

Who will love me in my madness
When the fearsome mornings come without warning
In the melancholy of soft rain
And the dull of grey days?
When I dare not tell you who I am
Patched together with a string
Fumbling, fearful, lost?

Who will love me in my madness
When you seek to lean on me
To glean some strngth
That yesterday I seemed to have?
When I'm sure that I have failed
And am not strong at all
And want to run away?

Soon my madness will be gone
And I will laugh every time I see the sun
But in those mad and fearful times
Who will love me?
----------------------------------------

Do you hear the jet plane yawning miles across the sky?
Hear the garbage truck back down in boulevard
Setting off the car alarms as it passes by
Do you hear the static of one thousand de-tuned radios?

Shut the window love, keep the world outside
I don't want to think about anyone
And the footsteps are getting louder
Drowning out the sound of the rain as it knocks on the window-sill
I'm not answering the phone, let it ring
Lately i've been feeling like a falling bomb
The ground is getting closer and the sky is falling...down

Shut the window love

[10 Oct 2003|10:47pm]
[ mood | confused ]

LEO (Jul 23–Aug 22): Things aren’t as light and easy as you’d like them to be, but somehow it’s not as difficult as it could be. You are doing some serious soul-searching now as you dig deeper into the world of feelings. Sometimes this makes you feel uncomfortable. Now, however, you are ready for the exploration.

Whatever.

Shut the window love

[09 Oct 2003|04:23pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

The one thing. That will always get to me.
No matter how bad your having it, it can always get worse

I'm going to go see my dad now.

Shut the window love

arg, you people! [05 Oct 2003|05:23pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]
[ music | the buzz ]

Doesn't anyone understand that I hate talking on the phone? So you fucking call me 60 times even after my sister tells you to stop calling you stupid f--- >_You make me want to eat my face off.
So anyways! How is everyone else? Fine, yep. thats nice.
Talked to Kendralyn for 15 min but she had to go because her mom was bitching at her. She hasn't gone to school in like 3 weeks because of whats his face. Her parents don't know because they work and when the school calls to tell them that she hasn't been in school, she's there to erase the message and the caller i.d. Shit I'd <3 to do that. :sigh: Going to sleep.

Shut the window love

blahhhh [04 Oct 2003|09:35pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]
[ music | stone temple pilots - sour girl ]

Slept ALL day. Went to sleep around 11 woke up at 7 p.m. Week was tiring eh? Now that I'm up I want to go somewhere but noooo, it's late and ya.. I think I'll go somewhere sunday or monday.. somewhere i can just chill all day and be lazy.. or i could just stay home :/
Neighbor brought me coffee. I luff him for that. Wont say much else because I will never, ever talk about my 'personal life' (if thats what you wanna call it) in my public journal so nya! <~ as kyle would say. Ahh and I really want to..
Well gotta take a shower then call Michelle back so she can drop off my letter and Jakada. I told her when she drops it off to stop at publix and get me a thing of Jakada, isn't that sad...
I'm out

Shut the window love

:slams head into keyboard: [03 Oct 2003|09:53pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | the hardest button to button - the white stripes ]

It's friday, yes! Went to the movies with Amanda and Chris. Saw the school of rock, that movie was awesome.

Today was alright, skipped 5th hour because I'm not going up in front of the class to sign fuck that, I kinda have a thing called social anxiety, does anyone care, nope. Kyle got caught it was pretty funny. Matt, Charlene, Jamee, Mwah, and Alicia walked off but it seemed like Charlie stayed there or something because I turned around and he wasn't there. Then when we walked into the lockeroom he came in and blah blah blah all that good stuff. We almost got caught about 2-3 times. I kept changing the time on my agenda so yea... you get the picture. I bet I have to go up tuesday.. I don't care if it's for a grade, I can't do it.

Hm.. Have replaced coffee with gummy bears. Now I feel sick thats great.

In 2nd lunch, there was this girl (i don't really know her) and she was just sitting by the wall looking really lonely and sad and I felt bad because if I was all alone I'd want someone to come up to me and say hi you know? So I went over, said hi, talked extremely fast about my coffee addiction and scared her. But thats ok, because I don't care so.. :shakes fist:

I have a program on here that tells me how many people come across my sexy little journal. There are 7 people that continue to come and read my journal. Comment you assholes! You can read my entries but not comment.. I can make this friends only and then your happy butt can't read it anymore. I don't care if your anonymus.. share your opinions.. I don't care if I know you, or I don't know you, but comment or die. haha ok maybe not die, just comment.

Shut the window love

relaxed like a mofo :oD [02 Oct 2003|04:10pm]
[ mood | giggly ]
[ music | this song brought to you by a falling bomb - thursday ]

Ahhh Amanda brought me Jakada. Bless her :oD
School was boring, nothing interesting. Same people bothering me. I'm so pissed of at that kid that's bothering Shea. I'm going to beat the shit out of him and his stupid ass little friends. The come up to my knee so I think its guna go alright.
Math test today, failed it. I have 68.03 D. Not cool my mom is going to put me into tutoring. I feel slow now thanks mom. My mom and dad are both teachers but they haven't had geometry in about.. 40 years so it's not exactly fresh in their minds so they can't help me with the work.

1st hour
Health.. :cough: Alicia wasn't there today so I just slept through it all.

3rd hour
English.. super fun. My teacher was reading out of this fcat thing the whole time and giving out detentions to the people who were talking so I signed to Aaron the whole time (sign language people)

5th hour nothing interesting at all... shit today just sucked :/

Lunch
Sat around. Gave Matt bad massage. :eats hand: I found that kid with the fuzzy head I haven't seen him in a while. I freak him out, it's so funny, he doesn't even know who I am but he lets me rub his head and I call him adorable.

7th hour
Failed math test and stuck tounge out at Jamee. Jamee babi I <3 you!

Why do I stick my tounge out at people? I don't know why I do that.. it's my hello. Oh oh oh! Saw extremely hot guy today and 'bumped' into him and got a feel of his butt. Ahhh sexiness.. I think I should do that from now on you know? They don't know me, so why not feel their asses? Yep. Am genius.

Jamee
Sexy Jamee :-* I need your e-mail so I can make you a journal on here. Tell me what background image you want for your journal. You know how this is stars? well yep thats the background image.
What you need to tell me so I can make your pimp journal:
Background
Icon (mine is the crying eye with 'dont say i didnt try' on it, i can send you some icons and you can pick one of those)
font color
comment links and color of em' (mine are 'shut the window love' and when someone comments it says 'keep the world outside')
rim color (like the boxes for your entries)

I think thats it. Hmm... I'm going to re-stock my stash so

Shut the window love

Blah.... coffee withdrawl. [01 Oct 2003|09:52pm]
[ mood | worried ]
[ music | stone temple pilots - plush ]

Tonight was ok. Day sucked as usual but meh what can you do? I have math homework and a test tomorrow great. I'm going to fail, then my mom is going to get me tutor. Blah. Almost 10, 7 more minutes then I gotta go and watch tv and see if I can make some coffee... I think I have a problem, my friends think I have issues. That's ok! I still love you all even though you think I'm insane. Whatever.. a sip of mocha and it's all good. More eventful update later.. meaning tomorrow hopefully something interesting will happen then.

R.I.P. Mutant cockroach beetle thing I named Herbert.

Shut the window love

[01 Oct 2003|09:49pm]
I wanna fuck you in the ass Jamee!!!
2 Keep the world outside Shut the window love

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