Happy Turkey Day!!!   
01:03pm 27/11/2003
mood: amused
music: Xtina - Obvious
Thanksgiving is so stupid. It's like ooo let's all eat a lot of food and be lazy because a bunch of years ago the native americans who we then overran and killed taught us how to survive.
It'S a BuNcH oF bUlLsHiT

but anyways. I'll get through it. We're not doing anything. Just cooking and going to see Matrix Revolutions which I really dont want to see...well, not today. I'd rather just do nothing. I dont know. I'm bored as hell i need stuff to do or I'll go absolutely inSanE. I have all these ppl that want to do stuff but "nooo it's thanksgiving." yea, pessimism a bit but i just dont think it matters. like ok it happened get over it. why is food the center of everything??

And why is is that every single guy i find who seems amazing screws me over. I'vebeen verbally abused, cheated on, used...fun stuff i tell you. Will you PLEASE find my a guy, someone, anyone. Jeez, I'm way too much of a sexual-sensual being. I need to be close - I need to kiss someone, hook up or something. Way too much pent up sexual energy, I'm telling you. It's just CrAzY!!!!.

I'm working on some songs but I need beats to them, dammit. I'll probably post some.

Family here- like, immediate family, pretty good. I've been living with my mother only, cuz being with my father the giant house just feels SO empty and I feel like I'm just a bother and it's so lonely and creepy...I don't know. I just hate that hous and that town and everything it resembles and reminds me of. But I've been mostly getting along with everyone - a change and a positive one at that
However - my grandfather, who had started drinking again, didn't follow the aftercare rules of his recent spine surgery and therefore fractured his lower back and needs another surgery. I'm not even angry with him at this point, just really, really worried. I dont know. He's like my favorite relative and now I'm not sure if I'll get to see him again or if he'll just...die.
I was just thinking
*I'm normal compared to the rest of my family*

a funny thought
06:14pm 18/11/2003
  I've been home sick for two days.
I'm tired
I can't stop coughing
My throat kills
and now my head does too cuz all three little ones decided to just all stay upstairs and be loud and noising and ear piercing.
gooo awaaay gremlins
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Life is fucking crazy*   
10:22am 17/11/2003
mood: pissed off
music: i dont know...me coughing up my lungs?
I don't know what the hell happened but my old journal got shutdown. Probably cuz I didn't write in it for over a month. But it's been a damn CRAZY month and I think I have good reason for being MIA.
I don't know what the hell happened but my old journal got shutdown. Probably cuz I didn't write in it for over a month. But it's been a damn CRAZY month and I think I have good reason for being MIA.

Week Before Halloween: I was with my school going to see the musical "Aint Misbehavin'" and as we were SLOWLY walking up the ramp to the theater everything got brighter and brighter so that all I could see were shapes and shadows outlined in white and whiter white, then just pure white, nothing. I got really weak and I fell, hit my head on a metal railing, and then it hit the pavement and bounced off of it. I was unconscious for a few minutes after hitting the railling.

I got rushed to Children's (home sweet home, right?) and spent 8 hours in the ER until I was told I was being admitted because, aside from having a low weight and my anorexia and purging, my Pottassium and Phosporus were dangerously low - they told me they were surprised I hadn't gone into cardiac arrest and that I was lucky I passed out because otherwise I probably would have later had a heartattack and died.

So I got admitted and put on full bed rest. I wasn't allowed to walk or even wheel myself in a wheel chair and could only get up to go to the bathroom during minimal periods of time throughout the day. For two hours after eating or drinking I had to stay still in bed. I was on a heart monitor that was being a shit head and going off all the time, and taking all kinds of supplemental medication for my heart and organs and stuff.

I went home after about a week, told before I left to call in ANYTHING was weird with my heart because I was still much at risk. Not like I listened or anything. ::sigh::

But I've been doing a little better. My vitals have been stable the past two weeks and stuff's been looking up a little. I'm still having a hard time but I think that's expected.

But then "lovely" things decide to take place while I'm trying to spend all energy on recovery

Friday - 11/14: one of my really good friends tells me that she slept with my ex while we were dating. That she didn't mean to but he's was really sly and manipulative. Which I know to be true. Then I find out moments later that he slept with another of my friends as well, and participated in the gang-raping of a girl with Hep. B. So now me and my two friends (im not mad at them) are at risk of getting an STD. and he never even HINTED he was cheating even after we broke up and I'm so FUCKING pissed off. grrrrr.

but other than that things have been so-so to ok/good. Which is rare to say the least.
So there's an update. Check me out here from now on.
*much love*