[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Tuesday, July 27th, 2004|
Today I hung out with my best friend Collette which is cool cuz I hardly ever get to hang out with her, with our work schedules and her spending a lot of time with her boyfriend. Soooo of course we went shopping and than to our favorite place PANERA BREAD!!!! Its funny how we can go for weeks without talking and when we finally do, its like no time has passed at all. I've known her since high school but we never actually hung out outside of school for some reason, but we were still friends and had homeroom and French class together for 3 yrs.
I can still remember when she came to our school in sophomore year from Jamaica. Schooling is different there so she was able to skip a grade when she should have technically been a freshman. The thing that I remember most about meeting her is that we had the SAME FREAKIN OUTFIT ON!!! This was the period in 1996 when the "Clueless" look was in, you know plaid mini, carnigan, baby tee, optional thigh high socks and maryjane shoes ensemble, ( yes i was a trendwhore even than) and yeah i had a red one on and she had a yellow one just like Cher and Dee from the movie hahahaha!!! She even had the dreads. She had hard time fitting in at first cuz of her accent, the fact that there werent many blacks in our school, and her sometimes outrageous outspokeness, she got teased a lot. Some guys would ask her if she was gonna put a voodoo curse on them, but instead of taking it to heart, she would look them straight in the eye and say "Yeah, I'm gonna turn you into a fuckin toad" hahaha.
After high school ended we drifted apart which was sad, but as fate would have it, we ended up working in the same store a few years later, and we started talking and hanging out again. Around this time it was summer and she was home from school, and I had found out that my dad had cancer. I really didnt have anyone to talk to about it cuz my friends weren't around from school, and she was the person i leaned on the most. I had this numbness inside at first, i couldnt cry or talk about it with my parents, i pretended it wasnt happening. I never wanted to be home because i didnt want to see him sick like that. The pain was too much for me, i thought it would swallow me whole. She listened when i needed to talk, didnt push when i didnt, and even took me on a road trip with her and her friend to Pa. to cheer me up. She's like the only person who can listen to me ramble on about whatever is currently pissing me off, my mom, a guy, etc,.. and not throw me out of her car after i mess with her radio for the 30th time during one car trip. She's done more than me than any friend I've ever had, and I couldn't imagine life without her. Thats it for now, later Current Mood: hungryCurrent Music: Everytime/britney (yeah shes a slut but the songs pretty)
|Monday, July 26th, 2004|
So at first I thought that this journal thing was a lame idea, but than i saw my friend Dave's and thought it might be a good idea to start writing again cuz i haven't in a while. I've actually been sleeping more lately so I haven't been up too late like I used to when i write.
Its weird how the night changes your perception of things. I am happiest and most peaceful at 3 am, when the house is quiet, except for the crickets outside my window, (or in my house ha). Its like the problems of the outside world disappear into the darkness, and there is just more possibility. There is always been something really soothing when i look out at the night sky filled with a thousand stars; this is the time when I get most of my ideas when I wrote. The only time I don't have writer's block. I think this is why i always loved the fall, when it starts getting dark faster. The thing that I loved most about college was taking my night classes, walking across campus under the poorly lit lamp posts, and behind the mansion, despite all the ghost stories , and smelling the faint aroma of gardenia wafting from the italian gardens. This is the time when I feel most alive.
The night has way of forming ideas into your head. Its funny how all these thoughts and feelings come into my head, when I'm just sitting here in my living room at 2 am and I just have to write it and my fingers can hardly keep up with what is going on in my head. Its like a flood. Why did I ever stop?
Well I guess that this an ok first entry. I'm kinda tired now so I'm gonna go chill for a bit. Later Current Mood: thoughtfulCurrent Music: She will be loved/ maroon 5
So at first i thought this journal thing was kind of lame, but my friend Dave has one, and I thought it might be rather therapeutic to start writing again, cuz i haven't in a while. And anyways who's lamer, me for writing in it or YOU for actually sitting there and reading it haha. Anyways where should I start? Actually I haven't been up to much lately, except looking for a job which I always am haha. I've actually been thinking a lot lately about going back to school. I really miss school, my friends, late nights in the dorm, treking across campus in the dark, the parties, even classes. Its funny how people say your life begins after college, for some of us, it ends.
I've just been thinking alot lately about stuff. Like last night I was thinking about how I tend to hang onto dead end relationships/friendships that aren't going anywhere. People that say they wanna hang out and than don't, and for some reason I still talk to them. A lot of my college friends aren't around anymore, they moved back home, some got married, and are starting lives of their own. I feel like I'm so behind. Not saying I want a husband and rugrats anytime soon, but still I get envious when i see girls i went to high school with engagement rings. It makes me think back to relationships that I had that may have gone somewhere if I hadn't messed them up. I just have a hard time trusting people, so I choose not to. I don't show my emotions, and I can be cold at times. How many times and in how many relationships has the person had to ask me, "So how do you feel about me?" I lost count. I can't seem to return I love you's, I'm afraid of being with someone because I think that I'll get hurt, so I push them away until they gradually disappear. Maybe this is why I always seem to want to be in a relationship-or with a guy-that isnt going anywhere. No worries about commitment, or being hurt, but the funny thing is, is that the loneliness probably hurts more than anyone possible could.
Um, yeah on that note, I think I'm done with substance lacking entry, but I feel better writing in it, so I think I'll continue writing in it at least a couple times a week. I doubt anyone will really read it anyway, but I can give someone something to read for five minutes than I guess its worth it. Peace :)