Blurty for Aynsley.

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Monday, October 25th, 2004

Time:11:58 pm.
im deleting this journal in a couple days... i made a new one.. im sick of this one and all the stupid shit i wrote in it.... my new one is



http://www.blurty.com/users/cuthroatvictim/
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Tuesday, October 19th, 2004

Subject:yay!!
Time:11:03 pm.
Mood: anxious.
Music:bleeding through- love lost ...
so im deff. goin to jacksonville this weekend!!!!! ahh im so excited.. i havent seen joel in a month! its gone by really fast but i wanna see him so bad.i have been dreaming about him almost everynight... just that im with him and were together and shit. i can hardly wait its going to be soo amazing!!!
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Friday, October 8th, 2004

Subject:i want him to come back home
Time:12:05 am.
Mood: stressed.
so this being without joel thing is really starting to set in... the first couple days were sad, then i got ok.. and i thaught it would stay like that... and now im REALLY fucking sad. i try to do stuff after school and keep my mind off of it but thats so hard... jenny and i went to a thrift store the other day and the first fucking shirt i see is some goofy ass bowling shirt... so i sent it to him the next day..

it sucks becuase i want to talk to him all the time and i cant, i know he's mad busy with work and getting settled in and shit but its hard not seeing him and even harder not being able to talk to him. we rarely talk every night.. its tough becuase he is pretty much my best friend. i wannna be able to see him whenever i want to but i cant, i used to be able to drive up to his house like everyday and chill with him.
so many people are saying that its not gunna work out and its so damn hard to hear that comming from almost eveyone i know. i fucking love this kid and i dont want anything to happen to us. he is amazing and this is just a test of our commitment. i have so much faith in this relationship its not funny. i say fuck you to all those people who say its not gunna last. were different than normal couples...we have an amazing connection, something that i have never had with anyone. i thaught i loved ruben, i was so off. joel is the best thing that could have ever happened to me... AHHH I MISS HIM ALOT. im soppossed to see him next weekend....im excited about that, its gunna be weird cuase i havent seen him for 2 weeks, i guess not that weird. but im scared when i go up there its gunna be awhile before i see him again.. :(
and on top of all this mess im so stressed out not having money.. i had to pay $95 for my homecomming ticket. i need $50 for halloween horror nights, $100 for tickets to jacksonville, another $300 to get a new cd player, and the rest of my car fixed...and thers so many shows i wanna see. ahhhh i hate money
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Sunday, October 3rd, 2004

Subject:i hate living in the ghetto
Time:12:19 pm.
some fucking bastard stole my radio out of my car last night... and i swear to god if i find out who it is ill shoot him right between the eyes
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Tuesday, September 28th, 2004

Subject:pictures!
Time:5:51 pm.

my beautiful boyfriend...

big ass tree that got knocked over
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Friday, September 24th, 2004

Subject:todays the day
Time:1:03 pm.
Mood: depressed.
so todays the day joel leaves... its actually not as hard as i thaught it would be. he came in to southport last night to eat and we just sat there after i got of work and acted like nothing was changing and he wasnt moving.so then i had to leave cause my mom wanted me home. so we talked by my car for awhile about me comming up there in october which is cool cause later that night my mom said it would be ok. i thaught i wasnt gunna cry when he left but i did, and it sucked, and for the first time i saw tears in his eyes. which made me cry even worse. he told me that nothing would change and we would see each other atleast once a month.. which would be awesome. it just sucks because i went for so long without a boyfriend. and i totally came to the conclusion that all guys were assholes. then i met joel and hes the best fucking thing thats ever happened to me.. thne he moves.. but love works in mysterious ways so maybe this is just a test for us. caues im relaly looking in to goin to school up there.. which is only in about a year and a half.. so it wont be to bad.. well im gunna go, i need to do somthing and get my mind of this whole thing....
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Tuesday, September 7th, 2004

Subject:ehh
Time:12:46 am.
Mood: worried.
Music:every time i die.
um so the past few days have been weird.. like i have mixed feelings towards them... that damn hurricane frances came through and like killed ft. lauderdale. joel and his moms had to stay here for 5 days because they had to evacuate the extended stay...i didnt mind it but when you spend that much time with the samee 3 people it think it takes a tole on everyone . maybe it would have been didferent if it was just me and him. maybe not. its just tough to be locked in a house for that long and for 2 of those days not have power.and just when you think its over.....nope there another hurricane coming down the same path as frances.

so im really starting to worry about this whole joel moving from me.... the other day when he was comming back from jacksonville he called me to tell me he was home... then he was like " you have alot of lights on in your house" so i ran outside and he was there , he brought me the cutest card ever, he is one of the most thaughtful people i know. i love this kid to death im horribly afraid hes gunna meet someone up there and forget about me. i always think of the worst possible situation... and it sucks, i should be more positive and look at the time we have together, and i know that were gunna be able to still see each other, plus i'm looking at UNF and University of jacksonville. it would be so cool to go to school up there and not live here anymore, im seriously really sick of south florida. the second i graduate im outta here. so thats pretty much all i have to talk about right now....i know, i know.. im such and interesting person.....
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Saturday, August 28th, 2004

Subject:o god i have emo hair
Time:10:22 pm.
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Friday, August 27th, 2004

Subject:love hurts like a bitch...
Time:4:13 pm.
Mood: sad.
Music:from first to last.
time is moving oh so fast. why is it when the moments you wish would last forever fly by like its nothing , and the time that you wish would end takes the longest. joel is moving in 3 weeks. i swear it was yesterday when i first met him . the only good thing about him moving is that for the 3 weeks he has left here, hes stayin at a hotel right down the street from my house. i couldent imagine that him moving owuld hurt so much. i thaught to myself that it was going to be easy and we would try to see each other alot. but now that im relizing it. i dont know how its gunna work. i know that it will , i feel like we have an awesome understanding of each other. i have never been this happy with another person ever in my life. i looked on southwest and they have really cheap roundtrip flights to jacksonville and he is gunna try and make ii down here every couple months. god this is gunna be the hardest thing i have ever gone through. i have been crying to sleep every night this week. its horrible i just cant stop thinking about him not being here anymore. i mean were not breaking upo or anything but this is gunna be hard as fuck to make work. i know that if were supossed to be together things will work out, and so far we have worked alot of shyt out together. hes amazing. i dont know what im gunna do
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Wednesday, August 18th, 2004

Subject:hott new hair!!!
Time:4:03 pm.


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Monday, August 16th, 2004

Time:8:35 am.





my boyfriend is so damn hott...you all wish you had him
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Friday, August 6th, 2004

Time:4:53 pm.
Mood: loved.
Music:remembering never.
so um i hate blurty....
so yea i wrote this huge long big entry and it didnt post... so im gunna summarize it and try to write it again...

so lately i have been really happy and content with life... i didnt know relationships could be this nice..ruben ruined it for me for awhile... i didnt know what it felt like to actually be loved until i met joel..he treats me like a fucking goddess. i swear that boy spoils me so much.. and i love it

so lets see heres a list of shit that has happened recently


Friday-

spent all day with joel... he took the day off work. it was awesome. i went to his house around 12:30 and i got to see him sleeping.. i swear he is probably the closest looking thing to an angel on this earth...when hes asleep. then i cuddled up next to him for a lil bit, then i made him get outta bed...


saturday
warped tour---
it fucking sucked
i missed joel the whole time
it was raining
it stopped rainging
then it started again and wouldent stop
i couldent get ahold of joel so i freaked out
i went to joels like the phsyco girlfriend i am
he was there and i ende d up just bawling for now reason.. i think its cause i was on my period
then everything was ok


sunday

did nothing ...then worked

monday

did nothing...o i made cookies..they were good

tuesday

hung out with joel at his house watched moveis and stuff

wed

worked



thrusday

hung out with joel.. watched tv went through his clothes

today---- i drove to deerfield beach for no reason... well i went to iws too look for this wetsuit thing to do diving with.. but they didnt have what i needed. so i skated to the beach for a couple min. then skated abck to my car and left. and now im waiting for joel to call cause were suppossed to either go see the village at the drive in or go bowling with julie and steph....

so yea the start is comming down the 20th everyone and their mom needs to be there!!!
so thats about it.... peace
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Wednesday, July 21st, 2004

Subject:i am in love with this boy
Time:10:18 pm.
Mood: indescribable.
Music:joel talking to his video games....
so ye ai met this kid joel right..... and i have never been happier..i thaught i was happy with ruben..ha! that was a joke.. i have no idea why i spent so long with him...

i can believe how amazing joel is...on our first date he took me to houstons..it was awesome...i swear i have never been treated this good by anyone...then he came back over adn we watched finding nemo. i swear i want to spend all my time with him..then sun. i went to his house and we chilled for awhile, then monday we went to the movies with jackie and her bf. then yesterday he came over adn we watched harry potter 2... we have seen each other every day since sat. (except today stupid me had to work)...so things have been going soooo well for me. well besides carrie being stupid and freaking out on me about stupid things ..such as not telling her i was with patrick when me him and jackie went to the mall ( patrick is her ex... mind you they went out for like 3 months and have been broken up for like a million years) so yea she overreacted.. then she tryed to say sorry and shyt but i know she doesnt mean it... so enough about the shyt... i feel euphoric now that im with joel...JOEL YOUR AMAZING AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU AS LONG AS POSSIBLE
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Thursday, July 1st, 2004

Time:9:11 pm.
Music:bleeding through- love lost ...
have updated in awhile, i have been working non-stop for the past couple weeks..
i miss jessica.. we used to talk about all the tough shit we were goin through...she helped me out alot with my problems because she knew the cause of them.. like personally. so yea jessica "come back form colorado all of us here in florida are starved for you attention" haha.

in other news i saw ferenheit 9-11 it was awesome i suggest everyone go see it. i also saw white chicks... it was stupid dont go see that.

yea i ran into a pole and fucked up my bumber...but my cars ok... so yea im on myspace now so you better make me your friend



yea so the past couple days i have been feeling pretty good about life. normally im indifferent.. it doesnt matter if i died tomorrow.. but now im finding that the littlest things in life are making me happy... and i love it...i dont know why, maybe its just cause i have been hanging out with my old friends lately? i dunno.. well im outta here..ttyl
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Wednesday, June 23rd, 2004

Time:11:08 pm.
so yea ... i finally did it! i cut my hair off..... its so short.. not like to my ears or anything, but its like alot shorter than before... if i knew how to put up pics o n here i would... i woke up this morning and i was like ok... im gunna cut my hair... so i just went to some random hair place and cut it of... its weird of me to do somthing like that cause im not one for big changes..but i like this one.. i might get it shorter..but i dunno...

i put the website that has my pictures at the top of my journal......so you can see my hair!!!!!
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Wednesday, May 5th, 2004

Subject:i love it how all of you are so fake
Time:8:34 pm.
all my friends are turning into a cup of nothing.... i can see right through them and their fake.. and empty, i really dont know who my real friends and fake friends are, i cant tell...one minute their like my soul mate, the next their my enemy....who can i trust?? not many people anymore.. i thaught i could count on atleast one persno, but now she went and betrayed me too... but whatever, i guess im suppossed to not have friends
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Saturday, April 17th, 2004

Subject:im dead
Time:5:03 pm.
Mood: tired.
Music:atreyu- bleeding hearts.
im finally happy...kinda..i have been surfing all spring break, like everyday i went to the beach, and if the surf was shit i have been trying to learn how to skim board... its insaine, im getting pretty good at surfing... i suck a big one at skimboarding , im so happy im all tan and stuff, its great! i have forgotten ablot about things that have been bothering me and its working, im feeling better, but then as soon as im back into a good mood, one of my pretty good friends at work decides to commit suicide, that was really weird, i didnt think he was unhappy at all, he seemed so happy all the time, and nothing could bother him, but i guess he was just holding everything inside and not talking about it i feel really bad for his family, they had no idea... i love you josh

thats pretty much all i have to talk about, besides that i quit my job , ;ast ngight was my last day and everyone at work decided to cover me intirly with whippped cream.. that was gross, but whatever, i got a new job,, its at southport, it pretty awesome, no more wearing that stuid dress, or putting on a stupid act infront of people....
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Sunday, March 28th, 2004

Time:8:44 pm.
happy feelings gone
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Friday, March 26th, 2004

Subject:im so scared..
Time:1:56 pm.
Mood: nervous.
Music:yeah yeah yeahs- maps.
my birthday came and went i got $ and stuff from my family friends....its weird being 16... i feel alot older saying it..." hey how old are you?..." " o im 16".....see what i mean sounds alot older.. so yea im scared cause im going to get my lisence today.. i heard the place im goin to is easy..but whatever im still scared
i take it at like 4 so i have to hours to freak out.. i just want to get t over with.
so cailini was liat night.. we sucked big time.. my mural got last.. but thats cause it was " unsportsmanlike" yea my asshole is unsportsmanlike.. those people dont know shit anyway im outta here for now...
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Friday, March 5th, 2004

Subject:sad face
Time:11:27 pm.
Mood: tired.
Music:copeland again.
im so tired...just got hom form work and damn my life keeps gettin better and better... this week went by pretty fast i guess monday i didnt go to school, and then the rest of the week was kinda blah, tonight i had to work, and last night too, so ill be making the big bucks soon... so yea tonight at work we got these new knives and i deff cut the top of my finger off, there was blood everywhere and all my managers were like freaking out.. it was kinda funny, my dad wanted to take me to the hospital but im to tough for that place... tonight went by really slow after that, this guy at my work gave me this cd of his old band.. there called wallop.. their pretty good so far.so yea i ve been so sad, and i dont know why, i really cant talk to anyone about it, but whatever , maybe i need to just get over my problems by myself..hummm wellim outta here for now..
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Blurty for Aynsley.

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
View:Calendar.
View:Website (pictures!!!).
View:Memories.
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.