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melanie the indifferent

[ website | My Website ]
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(feelin sick?)

Dont tell me lucifer and God dont carpool. [02 Aug 2003|03:02pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | aesop rock. ]

aesop rock is currently my love. i have his album "labor days", but i am going to go buy "float". i swear.

mmhmm. i am fucking tired.

Bo wants to go on a date, but he wont ask me. what kind of name is bo? a naive one. i like him. (ssh) hee hee. Bo. ahha. Bo. okay done.

tonight i am going to be hanging out with a bunch of cool kids in a hotel room at the Point Hilton. fucking nice hotel. they want to swim, i am on the rag. fuck. ah well.

i have these jeans that dont really fit me. i wear them anyway. they are comfortable.

a porn star named side burns (aka "ben"), has a crush on tiffany. he is a fucking psycho. i swear to god. schizophrenic. i know it. he went out with some odd relation of mine, and she tells me he is a compulsive liar. i have no reason to believe her. what is it to me? but i am still afraid for tiffany.

woo hoo, getting a new car! just have to make the first payment, and get to the dmv soon. goddamn. stupid. and i have to get the car down here. its in prescott. woo!

all i do lately is work and sleep. i am so amazing.

actually, a lot has happened, but i am unaware of it because i am so tired.

oh yeah...
"feelings cant change?"
FUCK YOU. YOU HAD NO FEELINGS FOR ME. YOU WERE HORNEY. YOU PIECE OF SHIT.
on that note, i think i will go listen to aesop rock some more, and read some more "johny panic and the bible of dreams." i just cat seem to get into it.

i havent talked to my mom in three days. nine days before that. we will see how far this goes.

(feelin sick?)

i want a mohawk, but mom wont let me get one [21 Jul 2003|09:16am]
[ music | afi-i want a mohawk but mom wont let me get one ]

i cant shake off this lonely feeling. what the fuck is up with this?
i slept seven hours!
we asked, and he excitedly said yes. if all goes well i will of course spill all the details.

Meaghan: I shall be there in spirit..whenever you feel the wind blow, or trip and fall it is I MEAGHAN!! *horns in background*

(2 vomits | feelin sick?)

so much beauty it could make you cry [18 Jul 2003|06:51pm]
[ music | modest mouse- so much beauty in dirt ]

one day i am going to write down all the incredible stuff i have taken part in.
i think i will start today.

i hate meth. methamphetamines. tweek. crack. angel dust. coke. snow. powder. rock. cocaine.
i hate that weird twitchy nyak-nyak feeling it gives your brain. it isnt drawn out and beautiful. it just stops.

i like the way i am all soft and white after a long shower. a shave. a shampoo. i paint my nails red and dig out that great black t-shirt and forget. my hair dries curly and dark.

i like the make-up that sits under my eyes. i can blame the sacks from not sleeping on crappy mascara.

i like driving so there is a good breeze, playing music loud, rolling the window down so i can taste where i am.

i like the way my lips get all puffy when i wake up. i coat them in cherry chapstick and smirk.

i like taking four shots of vodka at around midnight so i just start to feel good, and going for a walk. its warm outside, and warm inside and it all seems okay.

i like working all day and passing out. waking up and going out. falling asleep, waking up alone and heading off to work again.

(1 vomit | feelin sick?)

room without a window, cant see out. [20 May 2003|09:51pm]
[ music | letigre ]

today:

i almost shot up my school, with the gun i have, you know. and i ditched sixth hour for slushies.

the girl that supposedly loves me, decided she loves zak. and then kissed me goodnight.

i smoked about a half pack of cigarrets, and i would have done anything in my hands. today made me lose my mind.

when i got home, i was having a super sucky day. i was listening to trailer trash by modest mouse, and cleaning my room and missing jessica... just being lame and sucky feeling, i guess

and then charlie

that asshole

comes in and yells "you cant play that satan music!! blah blah!!!! i love the lord too much to listen to that!!"

so i said. quite plainly, because i am frankly sick of his bullshit

"oh, well you also love the lord enough to know when to hit my mom"

he told my mom,

and i got in trouble

"you were my oxygen, the thing that made me think that i could escape."

FUCK ME.

(feelin sick?)

this is me [15 May 2003|03:06pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | pedro the lion ]

i am going to update here all the things i am afraid to type everywhere else.

i want drugs.
i want acea.
i want sarah.
"i just want something i can never have."

whats wrong with me? why cant i be normal for once?

Undercover Acea: ...what's wrong?
lajolieautruche: nothin
Undercover Acea: alright
lajolieautruche: why do you keep asking me if something is wrong?
Undercover Acea: i dunno
Undercover Acea: something seems out of place...

(2 vomits | feelin sick?)

"it doesnt matter where you've been, as long as it was deep" [31 Mar 2003|05:48pm]
after listening to the cars for two consecutive hours, i decided i would delite my small blurty audience with a post. and because this audience is small, i can probably say whatever the fuck i want, since it is just meagamus reading, right?

i want him on a golf course, naked, midnight. stars and absence of the masses of the world. just me and that hot head of hair, that cute great body. that dark sense of humor. i want to make him secure.

naked.

i would also like to be on vicodin.
but i am a good girl, right?
i dont do that shit any more,
right?

(4 vomits | feelin sick?)

abuse [25 Mar 2003|11:01am]
[ music | boogie monsters ]

i will probably not really update here. i am using it for the friends page, and the ability to post on the friends page. if i should happen to update here, consider yourself lucky.

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