Blurty for Amanda.

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Thursday, June 16th, 2005

Subject:Sun Block Is My Friend!
Time:1:05 am.
Mood: sore.
Music:X-Files Theme.
I went to the Pool Tuesday with Jason, Allison, and Katie. I put sunblock on, but I missed a few places, and forgot about my back. The result: I got Burninated!!

See?



OWWW!!!!
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.

Tuesday, April 19th, 2005

Subject:Trina.....
Time:4:56 pm.
We need to talk. Call me when you get this.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, April 6th, 2005

Subject:Just Had To Share....
Time:12:58 pm.
http://www.pps.jussieu.fr/~lengrand/Normal/Fun/RoadSigns.jpg

/this is it, I'm through for today!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, February 7th, 2005

Subject:Ohh hell, This one too!
Time:7:26 pm.


Your Element Is Water


A bit of a contradiction, you can seem both lighthearted
and serious. That's because you're good at going with the flow - but you also
are deep. Highly intuitive, you tune in to people's emotions and moods easily.
You are able to tap into deep emotional connections and connect with others.
You prefer a smooth, harmonious life - but you can navigate your way around
waves. You have a knack for getting people to get along and making life a little
more peaceful.


Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.

Thursday, February 3rd, 2005

Subject:Brian...
Time:11:32 pm.
*sigh* Where to begin, where to begin?

Let's get some glaring mistakes out of the way first.

1) I NEVER lied about anything. Well this is obviously false because how many times did you say to me, "I'll love you forever." or, as someone else posted in your journal, "I love Amanda with all of my heart, and I don't want anyone but her." Funny way of showing it what with the whole dating other people and all. Ahh, but your infidelity (A fitting word, I think, for the person I had planned to spend the rest of my life with, have children with and who without so much as a proper explination why kicked me to the curb...more on that later) is not the only lie you've been caught in. There's that whole little Curt/Crystal Valentine's Day fiasco. The one where Curt tells me his plans for Crystal, I tell you, and you tell me that he had done the exact same thing for Deanna. This, in turn, sets off a laugh riot of animosity between all of us that I've only now began to repair. I recently asked Curt point blank about the whole thing and he told he never did any such thing for Deanna. Furthermore, he said I could ask Brad who has known Curt since 4th grade, I believe, and he can tell me that he did no such thing. But, Curt has never lied to me. I trust him completely.

2) Several things you have said in your recent journal entries are laughable
Good to know my suffering brings you such pleasure.

3)First of all, Amanda, you were the one wanting a friendship Yeah, I did. Right after you broke up with me. I didn't want to be completely out of your life. I was hoping that, with time, you'd grow to love me again. I didn't know at the time that it was pointless, that you were in love with someone else. That because you were in love with someone else, you broke up with me. You didn't even have the decency to level with me. You made me think that it was all somehow my fault, that I did something so terribly unspeakable to cause you to no longer love me. All I ever did was love you unconditionally. In fact, no matter how much I fucking hate to admit it, a part of me still does. Unlike you, I can't just stop loving someone. Believe me if I knew how, I would cause it fucking HURTS to see the person I gave all of myself to oh so casually stomp on my heart. I told you once that the only way you could ever possibly cheat on me was if you were to fall in love with someone else. Well, you cheated on me.

It also hurts to know that my role in your family has been so seamlessly replaced by another. This part especially hurts. I love Judy like my own mother and Kevin like my brother. And it kills me to think Micheal will grow up not knowing who I am.

When you left me, you turned your back on my family. They took you in, made you one of their own. Do you know how heartbreaking it was to explain to my grandfather that you were never coming back? And then, of course, the hushed whispers and half-hearted smiles of well meaning loved-ones I still have to endure.

Did you ever feel one shred of guilt, of remorse for causing me so much pain? Unwarranted pain, at that. I was always good to you. I tried my best to always make you happy. I lived for you and when you were no longer there.....there was a time in my life I didn't have anything to live for. I fucking hate to admit you had that much hold over me, but the only thing that kept me from doing something incredibly stupid was a three hour long distance phone call I had with Tish. When I say I owe her my life, I mean it.

Ever since then I've been having to slowly pick up the pieces of my shattered life and put them back together. Alone. It'll take a hell of a lot of time, but I'll be stronger, better for it. Maybe one day we can be friends again. You weren't only the love of my life but my best friend so it's been doubly hard on me. But right now, I can barely think of you, let alone see and talk to you.

I hope this clears things up a bit for you.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:To My Many Readers
Time:1:25 am.
Mood: tired.
It has come to my attention recently that despite informing only those I consider friends of my new journal, certian individuals somehow found out about, read it, and found it neccessary to critique my personal thoughts and feelings (and my spelling). I thought about jumping ship with this one too, but fuck that. I'm not changing it and I'm not going to censor (or edit) myself.

Yes, I am quite aware this is a public forum type thing. However, many of the comments I made were locked so they could anly be seen by those on my friends list. How people whom I don't consider friends saw what I wrote, I'll never know. But, back to the fact that this is my journal. I can be as illogical, contridictory, sadistic, nice, purple or whatever as I want to be. I'm writing for myself and my friends only.

I think those that truely understand what it is I went through applaud the fact that I've been civil about this. I have made no attention-whoreish public scenes; I've made no private ones. No property is damaged. No one is dead. I have simply vented my emotions in a non obtrusive manner....wait for it......
To My Friends!

But enough with all this. I've just got off work, I'm tired, and I have stuff due tomorrow. I'm done with the past. I'll let karma deal with folks. Hell, I may be the one in the wrong here and if that's the case so be it. Only time will tell.

Oh, and Crystal...please feel free to correct any spelling errors. I'd hate to think my massive audience looses any meaning in my messages by getting hung up on an extra O or two.
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005

Subject:Stealing Your Thunder AGAIN!!
Time:11:20 am.
Mood:Thunder-Stealing.
You scored as Drama nerd.

Drama nerd

63%

Loner

56%

Goth

50%

Punk/Rebel

44%

Prep/Jock/Cheerleader

25%

Geek

25%

Ghetto gangsta

13%

Stoner

6%

What's Your High School Stereotype?
created with QuizFarm.com
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Monday, January 31st, 2005

Subject:The Stupidity Fund Is Growing!
Time:11:23 pm.
Mood: angry.
Well, the stupidity fund is gaining in abundance tonight. I checked his blurty tonight out of sheer...stupidity and I am enraged. Words cannot express the anger. If what he said was true, then he is lower than scum. Right up until his so called depression, he led me to believe that he loved me and wanted to spend his life with me. We talked about our fucking wedding, for christ's sake! We named children. He even had the wonderful suggestion of Lora performing the ceremony. To lead me on that whole time knowing it was going to end....I pray to whatever deity or force of nature encompanying all that is just and good to enact swift vengence upon him.
Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.

Sunday, January 30th, 2005

Subject:This Week Will Extremely Suck
Time:11:17 pm.
Mood: exanimate.
Music:Family Guy theme...like my new pic?!.
This week is going to suck harder than Trina's new supervisor on a Saturday night. I work every night this week, and I do believe I will go crazy at the end of it. Iwork all this week, have the weekend off, then work the following monday and tuesday, then I'm off for the rest of that week. Then I work the monday and tuesday after that, then off. I follow that with a whole week of not working and then the vicious cycle continues. Is it so wrong to want money and not have to wrok for it? Huh, is it?

Ohh, Friday night Me, Trina, Crystal and Curt went to 11th Street Coffee House. It was the first time Curt or Trina had been and I do believe they both enjoyed it. We had a fun night. A couple of guys from Montana of all places were doing a few songs (Billiards Band, I believe they were called) and we were part of an impromptu birthday party for a little girl named Gwen. Crys and I even went as far as asking the Montana dudes to play Happy Birthday for her and the whole coffee shop sang it. It was a very cool night. I worked out a lot of lingering things...emotions, and stuff. Curt did too, and I believe we became closer friends because of it.

I cleaned my room today finally, and took every last thing Senior Douchebag gave me down, and put them away. I'm going to give the folder I have the stuff in to you trina, if you don't mind. I don't want to have it, but I don't want to loose it, if you understand. Maybe one day I'll ask for it back. Then again, I might say burn it. Hell, I might even forget about it and in 20 years we'll be going through things and find it and have ourselves a good laugh at my stupidity. I might threaten my kids with it and be like, "Hey, at least your father isn't this guy!" Ohh, and I'm still fucking using the name Kira for one of my girls. Fuck him, I settled on that name before meeting him. It's mine. Besides, I seriously doubt he'll be with someone long enough to have kids with 'em. He wouldn't be a good father anyway. Never once did he change Michael's diaper. He'd always hand him off to me or his mom. Fuck him, fuck him a lot (and not in a good way....in a horrible prison rape way).

I believe I lost any little last lingering bit of love for him when Curt told me what he had said. When Curt asked if he even missed me, Asshole responded with, "How can I miss what I don't love?" That, my friends, is it. When I get a mysterious note like Crys got begging to talk to me...horrible mistake...still loves me...all that bullshit, I'm going to deviate from the moral high ground, and tell him to more or less fuck off. If he were to die tomorrow, I would cry.....for Judy and Kevin.

But I will NEVER shed one tear for him again.

/I'm out
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.

Wednesday, January 26th, 2005

Subject:Re-Birth Of Amanda
Time:7:13 pm.
Mood: blah.
Music:Jeopardy Theme.
Well kiddies, welcome to my brand-spankin' new blurty account. It has all the comforts and familiarities of my old journal complete with cryptic login name, sarcastic/sadisitc humor and enough apathy to feul a high school.

Quick story behind the name: I was going to use the oh so clever handle of "Rhymes_With_Orange" but the registration thingie didna like that. So, I fought with it for a little while and it finally let me sign up as OrangeRhymer9. Why the 9? You're guess is as good as mine.

I realize now all the awesome names I could have went with such as Mystic Spiral or Structured Chaos or a variety of others, but alas, I'm stuck as OrangeRhymer9.

Oh...Trina, Crystal and whoever else might be in town, how abouts we get together friday night? I'm going through social withdrawl. Plus, my brain won't stop thinking, even after I push the q-tips in all the way! I know Trina hasn't been to 11th street so perhaps we can journey towards that-a-way? See if we can catch an angsty goth and make him smile? Or is Friday emo-poser night? See, this is why we should go!
Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.

Blurty for Amanda.

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