Recent
Calendar
Friends
Obaba's Hut
• Profile

A Yohoho Puzzle Pirates based webcomic:
Azumanga! MIDNIGHT

Journal Mirror
LiveJournal
MySpace
> previous 20 entries

Friday, June 23rd, 2006
6:48 pm - Artsy Meme (and Last Blurty Post)
Aside from the fact that I am very behind in updating AMM or continuing the entry about my trip to Tulsa, I am sincerely trying.
My art, chibi_pirates, and ideas that keep cropping up are always at the forefront of what makes me happy.
Hence, a meme pillaged from susandeer, an artist in the same vein as myself, but with a lot more flair.
I am happy she is having fun drawing the peoples. I won't forget my roots as anthro artist, but as we grow we look at it all differently...
And pirates are just fuckin' awesome!

List 10 things about your art...

1 - I do it for myself, otherwise I don't bother.

2 - Sharing my work is a personal issue. It is my soul and I show it to those I feel comfortable with.

3 - I constantly drop in the personalities of people I actually know into my characters. At least one will represent myself.

4 - My style was influenced more by Chuck Jones, than Anime or Disney. At least my classic Sleeping Dragons style.

5 - Procrastination is the mortal enemy of my creative process.

6 - My characters and I have a dialog before I start drawing them. No one likes to be misrepresented.

7 - I never make completely evil villains or completely good heroes. In that, as in life, no one is perfect.

8 - There is always room for improvement. I hope to go back to school sometime.

9 - I would like to make a living on my work, but I am afraid to.

10 - I like to start with eyes. They are a lot of the life of a character.

EDIT: This was effectively my last Blurty Post. All further updates can be found in the LiveJournal link. Thank You for watching

Current Mood:  Creative
Currently Listening too:"If I" from the Kiddy Grade promo

(comment on this)

Thursday, June 22nd, 2006
1:02 pm - iPod
Obaba has a 30GB video iPod. It's black and shiny and I kin play my anime and other stuff on there...
I don't need a cookie. Thank you, Dad!

In other news, we got a notice from the apartment complex that they are doing the year's major extermination project. They said
any pet, including fish will be effected, so Ruby will have to be away from home for a while.

The poeple at the pet store said they can watch her, but I am going to miss her, even if she really won give a rat's ass about us...

Unless of course she's eating one.

Current Mood:   Sad
Currently Listening too: iPod! Wee!!!

(comment on this)

Monday, June 19th, 2006
12:55 pm - I love my fianceé
I called him as he is coming back from Anthrocon. It was very sweet and I miss him, as my anger over the past few days can attest to. My father gave me the sage advice to have faith, and tho' it wavered, I believe he's grown as a more rounded person as people are honest with him. The real friends, and the better friends.

He'll be home tonight, hopefully safe, and hopefully we can play some D&D.

Current Mood:   Calm
Currently Listening too:"Southern Cross" by 403

current music: "Southern Cross" by 403

(comment on this)

Wednesday, May 31st, 2006
10:45 am - "Barrels of Fun"
My sister, Makini's visit was a welcome distraction. Jason surprised us by making dinner the night she arrived. I was sorry about that because we DID leave a message that we were going to Waffle House cause she had never been. She liked the waffles, but not the bugs on the windows. A short trip to Wal-Mart had a bit of local color "complement" her on her appearance.
"Bu Donk Ku Donk..."
Err...we got a few thingss...
We watched "The Count of Monte Cristo" the next morning. Awesome flick, by the way, and I washed my hair and did clothes...
Kini pressed and styled it
I really like when she does my hair. She knows more about it than any hairdresser I have ever been too.
While the close finished drying, we played DDR. Wee!
She wanted to see the sights before the sun set, so we head out, TO ADVENTURE!
Cows. She really liked the cows, I think, till the projectile urination. That was sort of unnerving. Going back to where the old apartment was, she saw the "chat dump" and downtown Park Hills.
After seeing it, and the mines, she redubbed it "Silent Hill" (movie version). Oddly enough, she's right on that about the way it looks. All it needed was the sirens.

We attempted to meet up with Sarah and Steven, but got sidetracked in Wal-Mart again. We saw a pink rifle. 'Nuff said bout that. Sarah found us in the Clearance aisle and they came over later and played some "We Love Katamari" and then they headed out cause we had a nice long trip in the morning.
We left a little late the next morning. The directions took us right back through Park Hills to Route 8, a long, local back road with more twists, turns and rises than I could count. It was fun to drive, and we saw many interesting things at 6 AM, such as a shirtless fellow B-B-Qing over an open flame, beer in hand. We also saw and avoided quite a few turtles crossing the road. One we saw had nearly made it across, but when we came around the bend, a large semi barreled over the hill. That was one dead turtle we saw.
When we hit Interstate 44, it was a clear run all the way into Tulsa. We were quite impressed with the Waynesville High School, but we also saw a lot of the attractions that confused us. Like the Barrel Museum.
Um, okay. And the "Exotic Animal Paradise". It's billboard boasted, "See Exotic Animals from foreign lands" Kini asks, isn't that a ZOO?"
Yeah. Missouri is the "Show-Me" state, but it seems it shows how things are better in other places and how wrapped up people get in petty detail.
But Makini did appreciate the beauty of the land. It's rolling hills and scenery were lovely each day. The weather was nice and the air fresh. She also noted that it was fine in the short term if you had a way to leave. I can't help but agree with that.

To be Continued...

Current Mood: Wasted
Currently Listening too:"Surete" (Whatever, Wherever) Shakira

(comment on this)

Saturday, May 27th, 2006
6:11 pm - ALF!
For those that know what a rabid ALF fan I have been over the years, are probably not surprised to find that I am all giddy that the animated series is coming to DVD!
Oh Joy and Rapture!

Well on that note, I leave to retrieve my sister from the doom that is the wilds of urban Midwest...if such a thing exsits.

Current Mood:   HA! I Kill me!
Currently Listening too: Cow Stampede

(comment on this)

Wednesday, May 24th, 2006
4:39 pm - zOMFG@! WHY~!
So the electrician came and fixed the kitchen outlet this morning. It hasn't worked since we moved in, but I can finally balance the kitchen appliances on the counter.
It looked like they were huddle near the stove for warmth.

Burned myself out again when I looked up and saw it was 6AM this morning and I had yet to lay down my head. Slept for 2 hours before the phone started ringing this morning.
Yesterday it was worse cause it was ringing with BS calls for about 10 minutes till we ignored it...
After calling twice and not leaving a message and posting a note on the door, Jason's father comes up to bang on the door and let us know the electrician is coming in the morning...

WHY?! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!?!

They call downstairs to leave a message about the tenants upstairs?! They left no message on our machine, so why I ask you? Why in God's name is my 1 hour nap time get disturbed 3 times in 30 minutes? I'm sick and tired as hell!

As for Jason, he is complaining of a headache, so he is lying down on the couch.
I let him know that I am putting his comp on Standby, cause he doesn't pay the electric bill...
He has a fit, cause he has to be online. If he goes offiline, he feels he owes the online community, nay the WORLD, a reason for him to not be at the keyboard waiting and available for them. They have jobs they pay people to do that...

I don't care if I miss someone repeatedly online, that's what email, the phone, PMs and a shitload of other options are for. Jason prefers only to communicate VIA IM, as to have (or think he has) someone's undivided attention. Assuming they are doing just as he is, patiently awaiting his response.
A posted, "lol" is enough to assure him they find him a polished comedian. He takes much of what he sees typed from someone as a broad window in their lives.
For most of us, the computer is a tool with the means of communication that we can filter. While Jason is honest and trusting, many others are not. He looks in what he thinks is a full picture of who someone at the other end is, but fails to see the pinhole of their lives they filter to him.
They may step away, put the kids to bed, head to the bathroom, or even up and leave, but to him they have fallen asleep at KB or some such that would have them never leaving the glare of the screen, just as he will wait for them, and everyone he corresponds with to respond to good byes and affirmation that they will be around later, and if not, when.

I know the computer is a form of entertainment for him, like the toys and action figures, but the people online are not there for your amusement and disposal on a whim. Many people I know feel this is the case. I may amuse someone with my blogging antics, or with a doodle or 2, but I am an individual. I have feelings that get hurt and a body that has needs. I work and play in places other than in front of the TV and computer. I value human interaction, and while I have made many friends online that I trust, I understand the same goes for them. I will do my best to respect that.
That is how Jason and I met, under pretenses of trust. His honesty, and my belief in that...

Current Mood:   Wha?!
Currently Listening too:A waterfall and... COWS!

(comment on this)

Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006
1:38 pm - Color Code
ColorQuiz.com Obaba took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Longs for a tender and sympathetic bond and for a ..."


Click here to read the rest of the results.




This was pretty on spot. Feeling a little cornered here and all...

I have been sick for the past few days and it's driving me nuts! Bleary eyed and stuffy head, along with taking medication for it leaves me burnt out. Only a few days till my sister is in town, and not much is done in way of laundry. Ask Jason to do it?
You're kidding, right?
Anyway, I am setting up a LJ for AMM. Hope to finish stuff so I can post soon.
Current Mood:  *WHARF* Sick as a dog...
Currently Listening too: Picture of My Life by Jamiroquai

I never had a dream that I could follow through
Only tears left to stain, dry my eyes once again
I don't know who I am, or what I'm gonna do
Been so long I've been hopelessly confused
This can never really end, it's infinitely sad
Can someone tell me when
Something good became so bad
So if you have a cure
To me would you please send
A picture of my life
With a letter telling how
it should really be instead

(comment on this)

Saturday, May 20th, 2006
12:14 am - Jason frustrates me, hence I love him so...
An understatement, but as it went recently, it came down to finannces...

I am older, stotic and a oddly enough, inflexable when it comes to Jason's spending habits. He is at a place I once was when times were better, and there was little pain of loss in my heart. I spent my income with abandon and acumulated loads of "stuff" that to this day, sits in a storage locker in New Jersey, at Rei's, my Grandmother's house, as well as my father's. I expect my sister and bother have some as well, but it's still stuff that I have lived without, but I can't recall most what I had.
I live in fear that he will find himself in same delima I was in. It was hard and lonely without the people I expected to be there at my side. He has me, but now, I am a nag.
I harrass him about it, and complain. I am no one's parent, but sometimes I feel I am. Accused of taking away what is precious of his childhood.
I laugh at this, because up to this very point, I have considered myself ageless and able to digress to wide eyed moments of wonder that can only be fully appreciated by a child.

Life is a balance of opposites. If Jason is to remain perpetually in a whimsical childlike state, I have to be the adult and spout reason. I think I die a little bit when that happens. An artist that is too logical, ceases to hold on to the creativity to explain away what logic cant' resolve. It may even explain my departure from furry and anthro art as of late. It's just to illocigal for me these days...

Then there are moments where Jason imbues me with such faith that sometimes wants to make me cry... "Baka"
http://www.play-symphony.com/

We are both fans of video games and the music in them. To find and lament the fact that we won't be able to attend the concert was actually good enough for me. I love Uematsu's work. To hear it in such a grand venue would be a dream for me.
Just in the effort, he returned that whimsy to me.
I dreamed of a night at the Mann Music Center, in the open air of a summer's evening. An elegant gown and the strains of something that is of my youth sends me once again there. And all the while, I am in his arms.

Just two kids, playing video games.

Current Mood: Loved
Currently Listening too: A waterfall...

(comment on this)

Wednesday, May 17th, 2006
11:47 pm - WTF! Comp Fixed?!
So...

I go to the store and drop of my comp with the instructions that I needed my drive backed up just in case of a comp failure, and that didn't get done cause the drive was fine.
Okay, I'll buy that. The other thing I kept pointiing out was that explorer.exe kept crashing and I had no sound. Now why I would just point that out for shits and giggles, I don't know, but if you take something in to be repaired, wouldn't you expect it to be, you know, repaired? I mean not tell me what isn't wrong with it, but to at least say, "Ma'am, this isn't a problem you can fix by wiping the drive, or fix in 2 days..."

No. I am told it's done and pay up. So when I ask them to boot it up, it has all the same issues, they send me off without having to pay, but over the weekend, I wiped the drive myself and fixed the issue.
Now, since I don't plan to import my settings, I have to set it up all over again. I will try to keep my System Restore files safe, as well as my pagefile.sys, which is no loger on the C: drive! Yay! Reclaimed 4GB worth of space just moving that monster to a larger drive through Control panel.
My preferences, programs, bookmarks and mail (gah! I almost lost all my saved mail!) I will still be working on , but I am fried for now.

Current Mood:  Close Call
Currently Listening too: "Midori no Hibi" Opening "Sentimental" by rino (After I gon't my sound card working again!)

(comment on this)

Thursday, May 11th, 2006
8:32 am - This is some BS
My comp is crashing, and rather than me consinue to piddle my way through and possibly destroy it, I am taking it to the shop. I don't really have the time to mess with it, cause I have loads of other things to so offline, like cleaning, DDR and general being away from the computer. On a good note, I lost the 25 pounds I resolved at the begining of the year. Yay me! Going to go for my post HS weight of 135 cause it's unrealisitc enough to be a distant goal, but easy enough to get pretty close to.
Look for my new diet book coming to a store near you this Fall!!


Jason seems to be unable to go a day without sitting in front of the nextgen idiot box. It is a useful tool, and a gateway for info availible worldwide, but when you use it for entertainment purposes only, for goodness sake, just get cable!
Obaba out.

Current Mood:  Angry Pirate!! Look out!
Currently Listening too: My computer doing nothing of consequense

(comment on this)

Monday, May 1st, 2006
7:41 am - Overstepping the Right Stuff

I haven't posted in a while and I feel it's time I mentioned something...

As adults, we are subject to human frailties. This is sometimes lost on parents, who despite being human, resign their opinion to be God's Law in
reference to their children. More so with  adult offspring who have come to realize the adults whose' words held such moral ring, are now at their level.

Being a parent is a tough job. You set the groundwork for a new member of society. It's a high responsibility and a great honor to take on a legacy destined out live you and out learn you. There should be a point where you will look up and realize that you have an being that is the wealth of your knowledge, that which you passed on from generations before, and what life lessons they themselves have gathered using the moral fiber that a parent leaves with them.

Far to often lately, parents have been overstepping the influence on their children. I am not saying that they should stay out of their children's lives, giving them no guidance or discipline. I mean pulling them into issues that have nothing to do with them personally. In situations where adults with issues that are selfish in nature, deem it necessary to include the kids in their dramas. Bad decision making, marital strife, financial troubles are things young children are going to be confused about and resentful or cautious about later in life. They will, if nothing else, fail to see what someone who blundered the subject will have to offer in the way of advice and understanding. It not just a matter of, "Don't make the same mistakes I did". It goes a well beyond.

When it comes down to it, be responsible and make the effort to know when your children are in desperate need. Do lay moral standards early in life and have that expectation of them. Don't lend your drama and complex moral delimia onto the a mind that can't comprehend it in childhood, or an adult who is still sorting out things for themselves. I'm all for giving support and understanding on both sides. But remember that we are all human and once that is understood, then regardless of age or generation gaps, a true dialog begins.

Current Mood:  Exasperated
Currently Listening too: "We Were Lovers"  and "You Won't See Me Coming" By Jean-Jacques Burnel from "Gankutsuou - The Count of Monte Cristo"

(comment on this)

Tuesday, January 17th, 2006
12:34 am - Dreaming...
A few things to note...

Jason and I are moving, but unfortunately, no further east, just a wee south closer to where we are currently employed. I'll prolly be walking to work often.
It is a nice place. Actually where his mother current resides. We have the apartment above her's.
Jason seems to have recently realized the compromise of his privacy that may arise out of this, but the place is, to use the vernacular, "Frikkin' Sweet!"
I have been given the reigns of interior design.
Finally, all those hours of watching TLC's "Trading Places" and "Clean Sweep" are coming to fruition!

I also wanted to note something else that I found intriguing. I mentioned the series "Boondocks" a bit ago. This Sunday was Dr. King's birthday, and the show took a little look at the situation with a odd scenario:
What if Dr. King was alive today?

The series is not a simple Black comedy, it isn't going to offer up answers. The perspective of this man who galvanized a generation put into the world as it exists now. It was creative, and truthfully a little sad. It was something that brought back to the mind what we should be reflecting on every January 15th.
What have we done to make the struggle worth the hardship endured by so many for what freedoms we have so idly taken for granted? The faces of those people that marched for not only themselves, but their children to live a better life in a country that even today, wishes to turn back the clock on hard won rights for everyone in this country.
People seem to have such short memories. I learned in grade school from my parents that if you fail to remember the past, you a bound to repeat it. This is a truth. We see history repeating itself over and over and you would think that someone would be bright enough to say "Oh, HELL'S No..", but we are complacent lambs, failing to see the wolves in our midst.

As the episode played out, I thought about what was being said and the outcome was not at all unexpected. I highly recommended it for those that are willing to take that hard look at and be honest with themselves. It is flagged for verbal content, so it is not for kids, but for the adults that watch it, they may come away with a little bit of an idea on HOW to explain to their children why they have that 3rd Monday of the month off. It sure ain't for a snowday.

Current Mood: Tentatively relaxing... for now
Currently Listening too: Shanty Raid-io: The first radio station dedicated to the Puzzle Pirates online game

(comment on this)

Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006
9:51 pm - Happy New BLARGH!!!
Well this year is going to be different!

I really don't know, actually. I have a number right here that I am itching to call. I have my new year's resolution, and it's rather common one, but encased in a more complex one.

Basically I plan to lose some weight.
Yeah, I know. Me and everyone else. But It part of a bigger plan to work on my health overall. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. Even financial health. For this I need to educate myself, and look toward trying to discipline myself for the better. I was thinking about this when I saw a note at work about Kenpo classes forming with flexible session times. There is a gym there too.

It's a good answer to all of what I am looking for, as I know I lack discipline to get some of the things I so desperately want to accomplish done. Looking into it, I see the why people look into martial arts for guidance. Some decisions you can sit and meditate on. Others require action. I want to understand how to take action. To understand what is the most important aspect of a situation to focus on and deal with them as they come.
I know my Aunt Gayle took a course and how she improved her life during that time. I was really proud of that, even tho' every time I was over her house it was harder to avoid eating my peas. I hated peas. She is a tough woman and at the time, martial arts were something that I saw in movies and understood other people to be better than me about them. She made it believable that someone like me could take on training, but I was afraid.

There was a time when my mother called me out of bed from a nap when I was little. She had seen a rainbow and wanted me to come and see. When she said it, I was actually scared. To see something I believed was magical and unreachable till that moment was real, was to accept all sorts of magic as real. Rainbows lived in the realm of dragons, unicorns, and fairies. It also lived with vampires, witches and monsters in the closet. So in order to accept an innocent rainbow, I had to accept all the magic, good and scary that went with it.
Now that I am a little older, like mentally 12, I have faced situations like this often. Things I was afraid to touch at one time because I would have to accept all that it entailed both good and bad.
It's not that I became braver. It's more of understanding things as the light falls on them, shining through the obscuring rain.

In other news...
To the best of my knowledge, we are moving. The apartment is right above Jason's mother's, so I hope we can provide her with company from time to time. The issue for me is that I suggested it last spring, and Jason was against it. At least against trying it anytime soon. Now the dilemma for me is the furniture we have. Lots of it are pieces that Jason's family has given him. Mismatched, awkward and sometimes useless. They are perfect for a bachelor living alone, but when 2 people have to share space, ungainly pieces are only taking up valuable living space. As of now, the apartment we are in now, suffers from complications of too much stuff. Jason has a lot of stuff, mostly toys, that live all over the apartment, save the bathroom and kitchen. They are on every available surface and he is showing no sign of curbing his spending habits. I estimate that he would have an extra 100 to 150 dollars a paycheck if he curbed his spending to only what he needed.
So the problem is, that he said he'd work on me with, is deciding what goes into a new place, and what is going garbage.

I moved in with a computer, a bookbag, a bag of clothes and 3 cardboard boxes. Since then, I reduced what I had in the 3 boxes, to 2 black slim storage boxes, got a new computer desk, and computer, and aquarium for Ruby. I still have no dresser for clothes. The closet is walk in, but for the totes (all 7 20 gal of them and the 2 large cardboard boxes), I have limited space in the closet as well.

My plan was to re-purpose the furniture, giving it a new productive use the new space. I was opposed on that as they are from Jason's childhood home. Turning a low storage table into a seating area seems to be unheard of to him, but it WOULD better serve as seating and storage, than another table to clutter up. I am tired of clutter. I can't avoid it and it's depressing.

And on the good side, it's has 2 bathrooms and Ruby is okay as a pet!

Anyway, I wish you all luck on your New Year's Resolutions, and wish me luck if you can!


QUIZZIE!!
Magic_Angel
Magic


?? Which Angel Or Demon Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Current Mood: Wondering.
Currently Listening too: Houki Boshi - by Younha From the Bleach 3rd Single

(comment on this)

Tuesday, December 20th, 2005
5:40 pm - Pride during the holiday season
Time to reflect on what life has given me.

I am not totally displeased. Thing could be better, but as anyone knows, they could have been a hell of a lot worse. I consider myself blessed in both fortune and misfortune. God doesn't just dump a heap of mess on you without opening a window of opportunity. Such is my life at present.

It's also opened my eyes to some things. I am more opinionated than ever. I do have my pride about some things and have been pressed too many times to change them to appease someone else's arrogance. But it's just hard not to be me. To concede my identity will undoubtedly change how people perceive on a first and sometimes only impression. Here, since there are few minorities, save Mexicans, I tend to come across as more "unusual" than I was at home. And I was considered strange there anyway!

Case in point: Kwanzaa
   
   
   

Now Christmas is a religious holiday that honors the birth of Christ. Kwanzaa is a non-denominational "Thanksgiving". Get that straight before getting your stockings in a bunch. As of late, I am sick to death of Christmas. It no longer holds any of the meaning it used to for me. Kwanzaa does. It has the holiday spirit that for me that all those insane shoppers have soured for me. I have seen too much bad behavior by people "full of the holiday spirit". Whether it is a family robbing a child of his gifts in order to horde for themselves, or someone murdered over a video game console, you have to consider in what way does any of this honor the birth of the son of God  some odd 2,000 years ago?
It is the kindness and selfless giving to others from the heart, not a Christmas list.
It is the sacrifice one makes to help someone in need, not the debt you accrue in the last weeks of a year.
It is the faith of believing your wishes and prayers will be answered if you live righteously, not Santa Tracker™ Radar and giving children everything their hearts desire.
I mean, if a child was bad and the parents never found out to tell Santa, then that child would still receive all their presents and never think that what they did was wrong. There is no lesson to learn in that.

Kwanzaa never held me in that grip, and even when it did, it was what my parents knew that counted. I knew the difference between the gifts that were more from the heart, and ones that were more for my needs.
I got books and ways to express my creativity like a art set and blank canvases. A doll that my mother made and we had a kinara that my father made. Music that I wouldn't hear on a radio and moved my soul. Conversations about current events and how they effected me. Talking about how to better help the family and better myself in life. And the gifts I made were memorable. I had an art project to make a Cabbage Patch-like doll one year and decided to give it to my sister. It was at the peak of the craze, and it would have been something I would have liked myself, but I had a lot of fun making it and that it should go to a child. I believe Kini was 10 at the time, so it was an appropriate gift.
There were the years that we got the other sort of gifts. A stereo and a TV one year for me, but it didn't take long to see that those were the sort of gifts that were the sign of the times. I was a demanding teenager. There was little reason in a need for those things, tho' the family did get some mileage out of that stereo.

I had some people get flustered cause I didn't wish them a "Merry Christmas". When mentioning I wasn't going to celebrate Christmas this year, the gentleman retorted, "Well my son was in Iraq last Christmas!"
...
His wife quickly chimed in that their son was home this year, to which I said that was good and I hoped they enjoyed the holidays.

I have yet to completely understand the argument by the gentleman, but I can only assume he thought I was some anti-Christian heathen or just, heaven forbid, of another religion. And you know what the funny part is? The people that enjoy Christmas the most, aren't necessarily Christians. They are retailers and creditors.
Irresponsible consumer spending will make them very happy this Holiday season. Ho Ho ho...

Now, as for pride, I mentioned 2 entries ago that I am most guilty of the sin of pride. In the terms of nature, a pride is a group of lions in a matriarchal society of related females. This very much defines our family, as I think the women are the bearers of it's stability and candor.
It was our gatherings at Christmas that made an impact of what the holiday was all about. I very much enjoyed my time with everyone and there was a euphoria from the moment I arrived till I left. It wasn't about the gifts, because with all of us, there were too many for extravagance. We got the simple stuff we would need like clothes. It was just an extension of Kwanzaa like that. For a lioness like me, this was comfort and home. I could lie down without fear of hunters or prowling males wanting to disrupt all that was good in my world. But my world was smaller then.

Since these comforting days, my mother passed away. Disruptions under the surface that I never noticed came to light, and I can't see things as they were again.
It wasn't as if these things weren't there to begin with. But it was as if our mortality made us less a pride than we were.

I don't know what my mother would think of all this. Who she would want to sit down and talk to about the reasoning at the root of all this, but it has to end somewhere.
Whatever the cause, we are family, and I have learned that you should be able to trust your family to lookout for your best interests. You may fight and fuss till there isn't anything to fuss over anymore, but it means little in comparison to the bond of blood you share. We don't fault, hate, undermine or judge anyone. We are there, and always should be there for comfort in our darkest times, and celebrate in our most joyous moments.
There is nothing I ever saw growing up to make me think less of the my grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles that were an abundance of comforting arms to be held in. We said "Mama" and "Baba", for aunts and uncles just as we would our own parents. As cousins we were so close in age groups, we were brothers and sisters.
I know that during the crisis in my own immediate family, the "Pride"  was there for thankful and needed support. I learned that forgiving was essential for my well being as well as theirs.

I've been dreaming about my mother a lot lately. It's her birthday next month and the holidays away from home are depressing.
But unlike her normal appearances, she is muted. There is a veil that seems impossible to pass through. When talking to Kini, Kairi and my father, they also had similar dreams. But whatever needs to be said, isn't. What ever is going on, is heaped in hurt and worry.
So that said, whatever is, it needs to stop. I have a good idea what it is. At it's root, from the moment it started, it wasn't that crucial. I remember that, and dismissed it as just childhood angst. But there are new children now. We are to set the stage for them to enjoy the holiday as we did, before our own childhood dramas. We are the new generation of "Mama's" and "Baba's". More grandparents and so many cousins.
How much more time and energy is going to get wasted in this is going to remain a mystery.
I want to come home again. I want to see faces, free from hurt and worry. Hear joyous voices. In that, I am sure I will hear my mother's voice again.

Happy Holidays, Kwanzaa Furaha and a Happy New Year to you all.

Current Mood: Sick and Tired
Currently Listening too: Angeliqe Kidjo

(comment on this)

Monday, December 12th, 2005
1:00 am - Surname and Sexuality
A little find Jason related to me.
How accurate was it? Very.



A

You are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action.
You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get. You have no
patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying
to be coy, cute, demure, and subtly enticing. You are an up-front
person. When it comes 2 sex, it's action that counts not obscure hints.
Your mate's physical attractiveness is important to you. You find the
chase and challenge of the invigorating. You are passionate and sexual,
as well as being much more adventurous than you appear; however, you do
not go around advertising these qualities. Your physical needs are your
primary concern.





B

You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined,
and dined. ? Hmmm? You are very happy to receive gifts as an expression
of the affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to
pamper your mate. ? Hmmm? You are private in your expression of
endearments, and particular when it comes to lovemaking. You will hold
off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your
appetite and abstain from sex if need be. You require new sensations
and experiences. You are willing to experiment.





C

You are a very social individual, and it is important to you to have
relationship. You require closeness and togetherness. You must be able
to talk to your sex partner-before, during, and after. You want the
object of your affection to be socially acceptable and good-looking.
You see your lover as a friend and companion. You are very sexual and
sensual, needing someone to appreciate and almost worship you. When
this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to go for long periods
without sexual activity. You are an expert at controlling your desires
and doing without.






D

Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full
steam ahead in pursuit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are
nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You
are highly sexual, passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvements,
sometimes possessive and jealous. Sex to you is a pleasure to be
enjoyed. The eccentric and unusual, having a free and open attitude
stimulates you.





E

Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you
have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or
you are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a
companion for a bedmate. You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do
enjoy a good argument once in a while-it seems to stir things up. You
flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important than the sexual act
for you. But once you give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly
loyal. When you don't have a good lover to fall asleep with, you will
fall asleep with a good book. Sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good
book.





F

You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You
look for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt, yet once
committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous, sexual, and privately
passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You
are born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are a favorite fantasy pastime.
You can be a very generous lover.





G

You are fastidious, seeking perfection within yourself and your lover.
You respond to a lover who is your intellectual equal or superior, and
one who can enhance your status. You are sensuous and know how to reach
the peak of erotic stimulation, because you work at it meticulously.
You can be extremely active sexually -that is, when you find the time.
Your duties and responsibilities take precedence over everything else.
You may have difficulty getting emotionally close to a lover, but no
trouble getting close sexually.





H

You seek a mate who can enhance your reputation and earning ability.
You will be very generous to your lover once you have attained a
commitment. Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner.
Before the commitment, though, you tend to be frugal in your spending
and dating. You are a sensual and patient lover.





I

You have a great need to be loved, appreciated... even worshiped. You
enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You look for
lovers who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an
amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting
about having your desires satisfied. You are willing to experiment and
try new modes of sexual expression. You bore easily and thus require
sexual adventure and change. You are more sensual than sexual, but you
are sometimes downright lustful.





J

You are blessed with a great deal of physical energy. When used for
lovemaking, there is nothing to stop you, except maybe the stamina of
your partner. (you could have danced all night.) You respond to the
thrill of the chase and the challenge of the mating game. You can carry
on great romances in your head. At heart you are a roamer and need to
set out on your own every so often. You will carry on long-distance
relationships with ease. You are idealistic and need to believe in
love. The sex act seems to satisfy a need to be nurtured deep within.





K

You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual,
and passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate privacy
will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the
nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the
trade, can play any role or any game, and take your love life very
seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the
right person to come along.





L

You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a
partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your
expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual
experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. Brains turn
you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating,
otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You
require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being
appreciated.





M

You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you
throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds
barred. You are all consuming and crave someone who is equally
passionate and intense. You are willing to try anything and everything.
Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible. You also enjoy mothering
your mate.





N

You may appear innocent, unassuming, and shy; but we know that
appearances can lie. When it comes to sex, you are no novice but
something of a skilled technician. You can easily go to extremes,
though, running the gamut from insatiability to boredom with the whole
idea of sex. You can be highly critical of you mate, seeking perfection
in both of you. It is not easy to find someone who can meet your
standards. You have difficulty expressing emotions and drawing close to
lovers.





O

You are very interested in sexual activities yet secretive and shy
about your desires. You can rechannel much of your sexual energy into
making money and/or seeking power. You can easily have extended periods
of celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate, sexual lover,
requiring the same qualities from your mate. Sex is serious business;
thus you demand intensity, diversity, and are willing to try anything
or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must
be kept in check.





P

You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't? Think of
doing anything that might harm your image or reputation. Appearances
count. Therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require
an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your
enemy...a good fight stimulates those sex vibes. You are relatively
free of sexual hang-ups. You are willing to experiment and try new ways
of doing things. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting
and need a good deal of physical gratification.





Q

You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous
physical energy. It is not easy for a partner to keep up with you,
sexually or otherwise. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be
attracted to people of other ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts
and flowers, and lots of conversation to turn you on and keep you going.





R

You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who
can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal-the smarter
the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a
great body. However, physical attractiveness is very important to you.
You have to be proud of your partner. You are privately very sexy, but
you do not show this outwardly. If your new lover is not all that great
in bed, you are willing to serve as teacher. Sex is important; you can
be a very demanding playmate.





S

For you, it is business before pleasure. If you are in any way bothered
by career, business, or money concerns, you find it very hard to relax
and get into the mood. You can be romantically idealistic to a fault
and are capable of much sensuality. But you never lose control of your
emotions. You are very careful and cautious before you give your heart
away-and your body, for that matter. Once you make the commitment,
though, you stick like glue.





T

You are very sensitive, private, and sexually passive; you like a
partner who takes the lead. Music, soft lights, and romantic thoughts
turn you on. You fantasize and tend to fall in and out of love. When in
love, you are romantic, idealistic, mushy, and extremely changeable.
You enjoy having your senses and your feelings stimulated, titillated,
and teased. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit
your dreams, all in your own head.





U

You are enthusiastic and idealistic when in love. When not in love, you
are in love with love, always looking for someone to adore. You see
romance as a challenge. You are a roamer and need adventure,
excitement, and freedom. You deal in potential relationships. You enjoy
giving gifts and enjoy seeing your mate looks good. Your sex drive is
strong and you desire instant gratification. You are willing to put
your partner's pleasures above your own.





V

You are individualistic, and you need freedom, space, and excitement.
You wait until you know someone well before committing yourself.
Knowing someone means psyching him out. You feel a need to get into his
head to see what makes him tick. You are attracted to eccentric types.
Often where is an age difference between you and your lover. You
respond to danger, thrills, and suspense. The gay scene turns you on,
even though you yourself may not be a participant.





W

You are very proud, determined, and you refuse to take no for an answer
when pursuing love. Your ego is at stake. You are romantic, idealistic,
and often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner as he or
she really is. You feel deeply and throw all of yourself into your
relationships. Nothing is too good for your lover. You enjoy playing
love games.





X

You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle
more than one relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your
mind. You talk while you make love. You can have the greatest love
affairs, all by yourself, in your own head.





Y

You are sexual, sensual, and very independent. If you can't have it
your way, you will forgo the whole thing. You want to control your
relationships, which doesn't always work out too well. You respond to
physical stimulation, enjoy necking and spending hours just touching,
feeling, and exploring. However, if you can spend your time making
money, you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You
need to prove to yourself and your partner what a great lover you are.
You want feedback on your performance. You are an open, stimulating,
romantic bedmate.





Z

You are very romantic, idealistic, and somehow you believe that to love
means to suffer. You wind up serving your mate or attracting people who
have unusual troubles. You see yourself as your lover's savior. You are
sincere, passionate, lustful, and dreamy. You can't help falling in
love. You fantasize and get turned on by movies and magazines. You do
not tell others of this secret life, nor of your sexual fantasies. You
are easily aroused sexually.


Current Mood: On cruise control
Currently Listening too: Some tunes from "Ecco the Dolphin"

(comment on this)

Thursday, December 8th, 2005
6:15 pm - FMA and the 7 Deadly Sins
Better known in the series as Homonculi (Hommonculs in singular), they are named after the 7 deadly sins.

Seeing this quizzie in my mailbox, I couldn't leave it be. Obaba as a sinner? Heh. Aren't we all?


You're less sinful than the average person. Still, everyone has their weaknesses, and the sin you're most guilty of is:
Pride


These were followed closely by (with FMA and general comments inputed):
Gluttony ("Can I eat them?")
Sloth (;-;)
Greed (He admitted it)

Weak finishers were
Wrath (Aww, so cute...Gah! WTF?!?!)
Envy (BOO!)
Lust (big surprise here)

Anyway, the test is here:
7 Deadly Sins Test

Be warned, after the test, you can get a full report for free, after navigating through a bunch of adds and stuff and having to sign up. Click the "no thanks" buttons, not the "Submit" ones

There are also prescriptions for each of these sins, I keep my pride is tempered with humility. I have nothing to be proud of if no one respects what I do. I will always work my hardest and expect people to only accept my best work. Also, I treat my works as something that is given to me by a blessing. It is a separate entity unto myself, giving me an opportunity to enjoy things from the outside.

I guess in that case, Gluttony is something I am more guilty of, as I am not one to turn down a good meal. I just can't eat somethings at the table because they get me sick. I never thought I would have a sensitive stomach.

I guess this is where Obaba talks about Full Metal Alchemist (Hagane no Renkinjutsushi). The series about a couple of lads on a quest.
No big story in that, except that it is carried by Squenix. So,for those that don't know the series, but do know the Square/Enix reputation, expect quality storytelling.
The Mangaka, Hiromu Arakawa, is a woman. I can really respect that in that this is very much a shounen oriented series. Girls writing stories that can keep a guys interest is something that I can admire. I noticed there are quite a few female figures that are influential in the story, but not major characters in the story. Winry is an exception, but I am not all that thrilled about her. She's a reluctant love interest of 2 brothers that reluctantly like her. She is more of a sister figure, and just the idea of them liking her at all paints horrid pictures of EdxAlxWinry hentai.

I'll pass.

What I find the most intriguing about the series (more of the anime, than the manga), is that it is eerily similar to some things that are going presently.

An eastern desert land of Ishbal, invaded by a western country for reasons unknown.
A self-righteous vigilante, killing soldiers after the fact, in the name of God...
Okay, I guess this is a good time to point out that these are dark-skinned peoples that reject the western country's way of life

I would say there is a lessoned to be learned in this series, but as it should, it doesn't offer answers. It tells a story. And because of this, it portrays human beings doing what human beings do:
Be assholes to one another.


Then there is the talk of the Philosopher's Stone. This is a legendary "stone" that can grant one's wishes, overcoming what is the material world and the laws of God to make the wish a reality.
This where is goes all EVA on me. Rather than just seek the actual stone, the brothers Elric choose to try to manufacture one using their country's form of science: Alchemy.

In this world, Alchemy became a practice that is used practically by the people. They military developed their power with it, to the point of using specialists as human weapons, people like the ever so hot hottie, Roy Mustang, who specializes in the creation of making things burn up in all sorts of fun ways. They call him, "The Flame Alchemist" (DUH!). There are quite a few of these "State Alchemist". This is what the older Elric brother, Edward, has taken as a profession in the series. He is respected as both a state alchemist and a genius for his abilities and earned the name "Full Metal" from the Fuhrer at the age of 12.

So, that is the basic stuff. Now, why the big whoop over this show and manga?

Because it earns it. The storytelling and art is masterful, and the people, even the bad guys, are likable. The anime is more quick to tug at your heartstrings than the manga, but just the same, it is a very moving to tears show. I have also seen the movie, which I like for the fact that it wasn't a weak telling of a made up add on. It was a closure to the series that was bittersweet, but acceptable and understandable, given the circumstances. The only issues were when Jason pointed out plot holes that were not so obvious to me. That bastard.

...I also find it funny when Ed calls Roy "Colonel Shit"

Lastly, those dreaded Homonculi.
Each of the Homonculi, are named after one of the seven deadly sins. They are said to be created by human sin, and tho' they resemble humans, are most decidedly not human.

-Spoiler about Pride and other hommonculi- )

Most visible of these are Lust, Gluttony and Envy (if you want to call Envy visible, since he is more likely to be in disguise.) Wrath, Greed and Sloth appear a little later and all have pretty tragic backstories.
The only one I could never forgive is Envy. He is quite literally a bastard, and even though I understand his hatred toward the Elrics more clearly, he never moves on and comes to a relivation as the other homonculi did.

Oh well!

Current Mood: <--Guilty of the sin of being a fangirl. "Roy HAWT!"
Currently Listening too: "Melissa" by Porno Graffiti Hagane no Renkinjutsushi 1st OP

(comment on this)

Tuesday, December 6th, 2005
3:58 pm - Interview with Artist.
For all of a few weeks, folks may have come across the series boondocks_comic on Cartoon Networks [adult swim] block.
This interview explains about how it was not an easy port to the small screen from the comic pages.
(I personally was shocked at how young Mr.McGruder was)

Some sentiments I can attest to whole heartedly, tho, my work is no where near as edgy as his.

And there is the flagrant use of the "N word" throughout the series. Although I have mixed feelings about it, I understand the why of it's use:
There is the matter of familiarity. What is thrown about you, for better or worse, is what an artist depicts. To leave out things like that would not be his honest view of things. This one word, in all it's interpretations, has electrified opinions both ways. But to tell you the truth, it's cartoon characters making these utterances. Get the fuck over it.

Visually, the series causes one to immediately associate it with an anime influence, a medium that has historically portrayed blacks grotesque caricatures.
This is actually what I found humorous, as most non-essential characters are really warped caricatures of people we see in everyday life. Race is a "matter-of-factly"
issue in the character design.

What I usually find fun is Jason's take and confusion. Ruckus is a character that seems to leave a bad taste for him because of his flagrant hatred/dislike
of his own race. It didn't seem possible to him. But growing up, I knew a lot of these folks. They called me names, picked on my siblings and I, and the one thing
I walked away from it with is that no one HAS to like you. You are not owed the niceties of someone purely based on who they are.
After all there are folks so wrapped up in self hatred, that they inflict pain on themselves at the expense of they people around them that do care.
Self haters like Ruckus use their hatred to boost their own egos by making everyone around them feel like crap. Also saves me the trouble of worrying
about them if I can't stand the asshole for being a right proper jerk.

There are loads of fun observations I have seen in the series. It brings me back to a time during the transition from 5 Highland Avenue to 15 Parkhill Lane:

"Those Corsey's... Talking about 'Kwanzaa', wearing dashikis and cornrows... "
"Everyone knows Egyptians were white..."
"Of course the Civil War was about slavery..."
"The Democratic Party is the 'Minority Party'... "

Things and knowledge to be proud of that were shot down constantly by people who were folks that were authority figures in our lives. Educated folks with careers and families.

The series, as well as the comic is what I understood growing up. It wasn't like "Peanuts" or "For Better or Worse".
To recall the times in Primrose Gate and hanging over at Grandmom n' Pop-Pop's in Parkside.

Things I just don't get to see any of in a place so far from home.

Current Mood: Chillin'
Currently Listening too: "See you in Space" by Yoko Kanno (From Cowboy Bebop)

(comment on this)

2:56 pm - The Beast is unleashed
After months of headaches, the new comp is done. I am on it now as I type this.
*glee*Happy Happy, Joy Joy!
Leopaldon surpasses the old rig by leaps and bounds, but the respect for the old one needs to be given it's due:

One afternoon Rei and Ryan W. and I all sat down as friends and built me this comp from the remnants of an original one my father helped my get back in 1997. I still have the receipt for it. There were limitations to the capabilities even then because we were working with what we had. I could't even turn it off from the front panel button because there was no connection and the UPS had no switch either. It was also hampered by the limitations of the mobo (motherboard for you non-geeks]. It was an old A-Bit with a P2 on it.
All the while, this is what I worked on and talked to people with for the better part of 7 years, which included the time before the original crash.
I learned loads of things with research, met my fiancée, created art that opened opportunities for me as well as played a game that offered me so much joy as to create a comic based on my takes of it.

As for the bittersweet, it was a sole possession that came with me on my harshest hardships. Sometimes even the cause of bitter conflicts and strained relations. It was a lifeline, which tho' unfortunate, was something that allowed me to be anywhere I needed to be. People that knew me, knew if I was coming, my comp was not far behind, in all it's pink and purple fury. Many folks didn't comprehend my attachment to it, but it was more an attachment to them that I wanted to maintain that spurned me to lug it everywhere.

It now stands at my side as a husk. A shadow of it's former beige glory, 3 of the 4 drives missing and cannibalized for a progeny of it's existence. A sleek black and silver beast that resides in a computer armiore. Red and blue LEDs illuminate it on the front panel, giving it an eerie glare in a darkened room. A clear panel allow a glimpse into the gut of the monster, a cool violet glow emminates from the CPU.

In this, I am quite guilty of the sin of pride, than any other time in my life to date. Forgive me.

Now all this glorious advancement didn't come without a price. It has drew blood from me on more than one occasion. Perhaps to fill some unknown hunger to spark it's life into being. Who knows. It hurt like a bitch.
I cast off the gloves and upgraded to Windows XP. That in itself was a project as Windows 98 and XP are similar, but different critters entirely. Much of what I had spent time preparing for had been lost in transition. I am still managing what I can with some software that handled things perfectly fine in Windows 98 (TClock) only to be rendered useless in XP.

As for the good that allows me to see past the ugly: Speed.
The rig is hella fast. 2 GB of RAM, and still upgradeable to nearly 4.
The fact that I can start working on a drawing and have it render in real time, instead of giving me "try again later". The first time I hit save and didn't have to take a nap till it was done was very rewarding. And logging into YPP was a joy when I clicked the dock button and instead of hearing complaining noises from the HD, the dock screen came up.
*glee x2*Joy and Rapture!
Because of this, I also started playing Guild Wars with Rei. It's been a promise since this spring after I had just started working on things. She has since played YPP with me again and the endless Treasure Drop challenges are mind numbing, by fun to say the least.

Turbo and Holes however are scuppering crazy!

Anyway to the Statmobile!

Old Rig Stats (from July)

Customized Tune-up Tips

Consider a new system
Upgrade disk space (Drive C, H)
Check IE Restricted Sites zone
Clean up disk space (Drive C)
Internet Explorer cache overflow
Video acceleration turned off
Unusually low performance (Drive C, D, E,
F, G, H)

System CPU
- Intel Pentium II 233 MHz
Memory
- 256 MB RAM
Hard Drives
- Western Digital 5.5 GB HD
- Western Digital 40 GB HD
Video Card
- ATI Radeon 32MB SDR PCI
Modem
- Realtek Fast Ethernet PCI Card
Operating System
-Windows 98SE
Security
Avast! Antivirus Home Edition
Internet Browser
Mozilla Firefox 9


Now the new rig:
Customized Tune-up Tips

Upgrade disk space (Drive K)
Defragment files (Drive C)
Adjust IE browser cache size
Check disabled devices
Unusually low performance (Drive C, H, J, K, L)

System CPU
- AMD Athlon 64 +3000 MHz
Memory
- 2048MB RAM
Hard Drives
- Western Digitals 40 GB HD
- Western Digital 60 GB HD
Video Card
- NVIDIA GeForce FX 5500
Modem
- Realtek Fast Ethernet PCI Card
Operating System
-Windows XP SP2
Security
Avast! Antivirus Home Edition
Internet Browser
Mozilla Firefox 10


Current Mood: ZOMFGEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Supah Powahadu Obaba!
Currently Listening too: "True Blue" by: ZONE (From Astro Boy)

(comment on this)

Tuesday, November 8th, 2005
4:03 pm - Wonder Years
Ahh youth. Things that I can recall that made me who I am today. There are parables in life, and this was one of them:

Oryanna had a nasty habit when she became upset. She liked to throw things...
I was in my early teens and just to be clear on how pointless this was in the long run, I have no idea why I was upset with my sister, but we were fighting again.

For those that know me or my baby sis, they know that growing up, we had legendary fights that were over practically nothing in particular. We would deviously undermine one another for revenge or spite. I know that the both of us will most likely not forget the "Pony Wars", or the hostage situation with a picture book based on Disney's "The Fox and The Hound" (for me, it was art research).

Well it was one overcast afternoon for this particular conflict. Our parents were at work, and I was in charge of making sure my siblings behaved. Power went to my head, I suppose. My brother, the middle child of us, always did his best to avoid taking sides. This was something the girls needed to work out. It was best to stay out of the way. During the fight, my sister ran from me and teased me from downstairs. I waited at the balcony for her to re-emerge for another taunt and launched a sneaker at her, envisioning it hitting her square in the nose.

That ended up not going as planned.

Instead of hitting her, it hit the outstretched blade of the new ceiling fan my father had gotten no more than a few weeks prior. It bounced a moment before snapping the blade completely off. The pregnant silence that followed was an eternity. I came down to inspect the damage. It looked repairable at the time, but I was still in a panic as to what my father would say and do about what I had done.

My sister and brother, who I fully expected to taunt me over it, came to help. We were all working as hard as we could to fix what we now know was unepairable damage to the fan. When moments ago, I was so ready to hurt her. Fact was, this was all our asses on the line. There was no pointing fingers, or placing blame. When things happened and the kids were involved, it was punishment across the board because they would never get a decent story on "our" reasoning behind it.

And that was how it went. We all got our asses beat. We all were confined to our rooms, bawling, left to mull over our actions that day.

There was so much I learned that afternoon. Every time I look back on it, it bears witness to how effective my parents were at instilling a far thinking strategy in our lives.

The fact that if violence is your first reaction to all conflicts, you will either solve nothing or beget more violence.
That it is far better to extend a hand in peace than to raise it in anger. It also takes more courage to do so.
There is no placing blame for things that, while not a directly involved with, you allow to happen without doing anything...




We were never a highly religious family. We went to our church a few times a year. It was usually a good and fun experience.
My parents were "radical" in the sense they gave us different names, celebrated a controversial holiday, instilled an understanding of where we came from, and were actively involved with what was going on in and out of school. They knew our friends, teachers, and coaches personally. And if they didn't, they made it a point to get to know them. They knew our interests and were involved. (Yes, even when my father was being overbearing as hell with the damn track team! Gah!).

The two things that stayed with me from them. When I was teased for whatever the reason, my mother would relate her personal observation. That most of the people she knew in high school were, within 5 years, "on drugs, in jail, pregnant, dead, or all of the above". That was as true in her time, as it was for mine.
My father's point about "The Crab Barrel Mentality", whereas in a bushel of crabs, the dead and dying are on the bottom and the strong ones are at the top, trying to escape. The weak ones grabbing the strong ones and holding them down, till they become too weak to go on. "If you want to be strong, don't let those crabs pull you down".
So many influences to come down the line from peer pressure, life, stress and death and for us to have rejected them and overcome obstacles in the fashion we did.
To those that criticizes our parent's efforts, I am happy to report that while we are not perfect, we know that we are stronger because of them.

Current Mood: Kissed Loved
Current Music:"These Three Words" By Stevie Wonder

(comment on this)

Monday, October 31st, 2005
3:59 am - Avoiding the local flavor.
There are some things that I say with the affirmation that I know I am correct. And then there are my opinions. This is one of those entries. If you happen to be offended by my statements, chalk them up as BS and call me a fool...

I live in Missouri. RURAL Missouri. I personally always thought of myself as a country gal with a love of big sky and sprawling spaces. I cower at the possibility that isn't the truth. Remember that parable about the country mouse and city mouse. I can tell that I am more that city mouse now.

That and the program, "Squidbilles" is alarmingly close to the mark lately...

Case in point, the ritualistic institution of the, "American Sportsman". Deer Hunting season officially opened and I wonder how many people will call out today due to "White-Tail Fever" instead of the All Saints Eve festivities. I know a lot of people missed church today, assured that they went with the Lords Blessing's on the hunt for big game.

I've been pretty much against the whole idea for as long as I can recall. I always thought it was murder for the sake of it. Just a bunch of people getting their rocks off taking the life of another creature. Big fun.
Then I had to think of things in the light of the big picture. Humans are top predators now. While taming the earth, one of the casualties has been the elimination, by extinction or loss of habitat, of natural predators that would have normally hunted deer and been our rivals. While it has been a terrible impact on the environment, it is up to us to manage the deer herds and assure they don't further overburden the environment or worse, perish in the harsh winter months from starvation from lack of available food.
Also for me, the possibility of contact with humans, could introduce parasites, like ticks carrying Lyme's Disease, is a worry as well.
So after all this, can I believe this to be the way it has to be?

WHAT A LOAD OF BULL...

To see someone buy hundreds of dollars worth of gear, which includes a bottle of PEE as a lure, I can say that I can't be deluded anymore no matter how much I'd like to think that this is something other than what it appears to be:
Just a bunch of people getting their rocks off taking the life of another creature.

It seems there is a lot of prep work involved with getting ready for a hunt. Feeding your deer all year round to get them used to you and where you plan to put a hide. Digital cameras to monitor the trails they frequent.
A 24 hour network to give you tips on how to "maximize your experience". I haven't seen a deck this stacked since the Olympic Committee approved professional basketball players to compete in the games.

And to make it clear the reason why I think it's so bloody stupid to perpetuate this consumer black hole, isn't the reason why this is such a "God given right", is because we ruined the original perfection God made in the first place? Culling the herd is pointless if you feed them. The more food available, the stronger and more virulent the bucks. They breed more. So this is based on keeping the population high and bringing in the possibilities of problems in the long run. Note, natural predators preyed on the weak and sick. This made the herds stronger as only the fittest could survive. If everyone is gunning for the buck with the biggest rack, then wouldn't that constitute giving the weaker links an unfair chance at breeding into the population what could be a disease that could decimate a herd? Even infect the predators hunting them? A weak immune system can breed all sorts of mutations that you may not want to be around.

I had mulled all this over when a grandmother lamented her grandson shooting his first deer. I thought I heard her wrong, but she said he "lost his deer". Apparently, he shot it in the neck, but rudely got up and ran away instead of dying on the spot to be conveniently claimed. The father of the lad was out that night looking for the wounded animal.
In the natural world, a setback like this would have been a lesson learned and a quick move on to look for another meal. It's life or death, and no amount of money spent, or credit cards maxed out will rival what REAL predators go through when hunting.

If this is what is expected when hunting, why not just get a herd, raise them on a farm like cattle, slaughter them, and ship them to the frozen food section with the Lean Cuisine?.

That would certainly be unsporting if you can afford 2.89 at your local grocer's freezer. But it would save you a shitload on the gear.

Perhaps I am jaded because I didn't see this as much growing up. It's not because I am female, because I think that whatever you can kill with your bare hands and teeth is what you can claim for food if you wish. I could never take a deer one on one, but I sure as hell catch a hen and break it's neck. It's not because of my race, because we had hard times, and if living off the land was an option, I would have been all for it.

Sports Hunting, like Christmas, and Patriotism, is just another exploited American institution. It sickens me when people hide their sport to justify their Second amendment rights. There is no longer anything wholesome about it, at least to me.
Facing the wilds of the world and in doing so, finding peace with God.
Where is God now? Perhaps in the 300+ dollars worth of gear you brought along?



This Is My Life, Rated
Life:
6.3
Mind:
6.3
Body:
5.5
Spirit:
6.3
Friends/Family:
4.6
Love:
6.2
Finance:
5.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz


Current Mood: Feeling trapped in limbo
Current Music: "BRAINNSSS!"

(comment on this)


> previous 20 entries
> top of page
Blurty.com