Blurty for Your Idol.
|Tuesday, August 5th, 2003|
i got a deadjournal
|Monday, August 4th, 2003|
i think that now, i feel more… i dunno… leveled about everything. I think i’m so afraid of losing brett just cause i love him so much… and im also scared that if i lost him i’d lose myself too. Cause as much as i don’t want to and as much as i try to change it, i really do need him. I dunno how i feel now though. like i’m calmer, but its like i’m still a little uneasy. i dunno. i just need to get used to this kind of stuff. i’m not the kind of girl who’s into the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing, i was always a little to claustrophobic for that. but now its like i just dove in head first and all this new stuff is coming up and i’m just like, “whoa… is this right?” like i’ve never cared about someone enough to be worried about losing them… except scott(omg, that kid’s gonna be a senior next year… aww everyone’s growing up) and with him i don’t think i really paid attention to the possibility of losing him until it was like right in my face.
I dunno. I love him so much. it makes me feel like shit when i get like this. like i’ll feel bad about something he did and then he’ll find out and he’ll beat me and he’ll feel 100x worse and then i’ll feel like an asshole for making him feel bad cause he doesn’t deserve anything bad from anyone anymore and it just sucks. i don’t know what to do, cause i havent figured out how to stop all this crap i feel from coming up and until i do i’ll keep hurting him. its really not fair. to me or to him. cause i don’t get to have time to actually get down to the source of all this like jealousy and paranoia and try to stop it. but like i dunno if i’m justified in feeling this way, like i asked rudy if she’d be upset and she said she would and i asked christian too and she said she would too. i think its considered okay. but not for me. i’ve never been a jealous girlfriend, i’ve always just sorta been like ‘you can do whatever you want, just tell me’ but now i just made a total 180 and its freaking me out. I don’t want anything to change between brett and kristina cause then i’d feel horrible. i wanna be friends with kristina again, like i don’t want there to be any kind of animosity or tension between us cause i cant handle that kind of shit with people. i think i’m cool now. maybe. brett just called twice from his mom’s cell phone and he was all giggly, it was really cute
okay i’m watching ‘burned’ on MTV and it just sorta threw me off track. i hope that those guys are actors cause that’s really pathetic and they’re really… unbelievable.
hmm… i was thinking about something. it really has nothing to do with all that^ but i just thought of how it was funny that whenever i feel like… i dunno, like someone is challenging me, i mean like getting an attitude, how quickly my whole disposition will change. rudy knows what i’m talking about. going back to our roots, haha so nice. i love rudy she’s funny.
So basically today sucks. I think I cried about 5 to 10 times at least, and i think i’m about to do it again. hmm... since this is MY journal and you all are just a bunch of outsiders reading it, i think i’m gonna write how i feel really straight-forwardly for once, and if it seems mean or stupid to you then… FUCK OFF and don’t read my shit anymore. The whole Brett/Kristina thing really bothers me now, just cause i think brett’s amazing and so do most people who get close to him and i… dont trust kristina for shit pretty much… And since when the hell is it okay to go to your ex-girlfriends house without even telling much less asking your present girlfriend???? the fact that i wasn’t even in the same city really sorta made it worse too. like what the fuck????… okay, yea, i know i’m probably being paranoid and shit but whatever… fuck this. i cried over this! its so fucking stupid!… but whatever. the whole talk-to-each-other-on-the-phone-every-night thing didn’t bother me until today and the fact that he pretty much ignored me while he was talking to her didn’t bother me either, but now it does and its just escalating this horrible feeling of sadness i’ve been having non-stop lately. To me it just seems like i have no one…brett’s getting kristina back, christian has more friends than she knows what to do with, and rudy… well i dunno. those are really the only 3 people i consider myself even remotely close to and i don’t really feel truly connected to any of them. or at least i havent for quite a while. Honestly i don’t trust anyone. the only way i think i will is if i know that someone will be there for me ALWAYS, not just most of the time, but always. And i don’t believe that you can find that in anyone, or at least i havent. A lot of people will say that kind of shit and most of them have good intentions, but when it comes down to it they’re all just a bunch of talk and no real actions. So what the fuck is the point? I dunno. I don’t know why I keep going. I guess its cause brett says he needs me or something. Really he’s the only reason i’m here and still the way I am. But if you look at why he ‘needs’ me you’ll see its cause the kid really doesn’t have anyone else. but what happens when he gets someone else? that’s really why the whole kristina thing bothers me honestly. what happens when an old ‘friend’ comes back and you start talking and its, apparently, like you never even stopped? theres nowhere to go but up right? what happens when candice isnt needed anymore? its gonna happen. a person cant stay fucked up forever right? I’m just worried that i’m an escape… that this whole ‘relationship’ is an escape for the both of us. I don’t need brett, at least i don’t think i do. i need him to stay how i am now, but the only reason i’m doing that is cause he ‘needs’ me. theres no positive change for me. i either stay the same or i turn into a real degenerate. i’m fucked either way. but at least the other way i’ll the freedom of being able to say ‘I don’t give a fuck’ and actually meaning it. I’m really frustrated with this life though. i’m frustrated with brett and i’m frustrated with myself and just everything. Everyone’s so goddamn content and i’m not and NO ONE really cares. so why don’t i do something? cause if i did it’d make all the people who don’t really give a fuck how i feel, sad, or at least uncomfortable… and candice cant make people feel that way, she’s too nice and sweet and loving and cute for all that bad stuff…. too bad i wasn’t being sarcastic when i said that. i’m a lost cause. A fucking self-proclaimed Lost Cause and as of now i’m gonna try not to let it bother me. i’m alone, i’m fucked, and i’m gonna be content somehow.
the question: what happens when i’m not needed?
the answer: i die.
there, its settled. i really will kids. you have my word.
that’s what i wrote in fresno on Saturday. i would write the 2 poem things but i don’t wanna make people sad.
so i'm home. i had um... quite a weekend. it was probably the most painfully boring thing ever and to make it worse i had to run into some other depressing shit while i was there. whatever. i wrote this journal entry on paper while i was there and i wrote 2 poem things that i dont really like anymore. but at the moment i'm not in the right kind of mood to write them all here. you understand right? of course.
|Friday, August 1st, 2003|
today i woke up at like 5 something. me and my mommy went to the airport to drop off chelle and pop, so now they're on a plane to louisiana. flyiiiiing. my mom surprised me too cause apparently robert wants to drive to fresno today just to get away from all the shit happening here with church and whatnot. so if that happens we're gonna leave today when my mommy gets off work and stay til sunday... my mom said i could stay with my grandma if i wanted to... but i really dont want to... i dont wanna go either. either way i get to miss my game saturday. oh well... i hope we dont go... i reeeally dont wanna go. i need to get the fuck out of this house though... out of here and away from these people... like i need a break. last nite kinda proved to me how badly i need one too... that short break i took when i played pool was pretty cool and that guy i was playing with and talking to was really cool too. like by the time we got finished playing i was just like "oh my god i love you!"... well i didnt say that but i felt it, it made me all calm again and i wasnt on the verge of tears every 2 minutes. then i got offline and called brett and i was okay for like 5 minutes and then i got sad again, but lucky me i thought i heard my mommy coming so i got off the phone and it turned out to just be my sister walking around... i didnt call back cause i didnt think brett really wanted to talk so i just laid down listening to poetic tragedy and on my own, over and over again until i fell asleep.
i gotta go do shit now. i gotta finish washing like 3 loads of clothes then i gotsta clean the kitchen and then the upstairs bathroom... how nice.
|Thursday, July 31st, 2003|
i feel so alone right now.... like theres no one.
i wanna talk to kristina really badly. but i think i'm kinda scared to do it too... i'm so fucking stupid.
i wanna cry so bad. its like volcano all over again. what the hell is my problem???? what happened to everyone. its like once school started it was just downhill for EVERYONE... relationships between people that were so close suddenly disintegrated. i dunno. i feel so alone right now... like i try so hard to tell people stuff and then i come and write in this, but its like no one ever really gets anything, or if they do they cant help with it. i dont expect them to but its like right now i need that from someone and it seems like no one's getting it. i think thats why i wanna talk to kristina... i've been reading her journal and it seems like she feels the exact same way i do. but then i'm kinda scared to cause we've both changed a lot and i dunno... i'm afraid of running into another dead end.
i feel so sad right now... like lonely as fuck. i hate this. i have my away message up now... and no one's said anything... brett said 'aww' which i think kinda made it worse... i dunno. i need to talk to someone. everything's gone... shit... here come the tears again. what a fucking life i live...
its times like these i feel like... dying.
i'm scared christian left to chicago today... i'm not sure. whatever she's probably at laura's... i dont even know why i care... i... fuck... i dunno. everyone's dead... i wish i could join them.
As far as he sees nothing's left in the cup
A whole cup full of nothing for him to indulge
Since the voice of ambition has long since been shut up
A singer, a writer, he's not dreaming now of going nowhere
He gave heed to nothing, and all that he was...
Is just a tragedy
So he voyages in circles
Succeeds getting nowhere
And submits to the substance
That first got him there
Then in violent, frustration he cries out to God or just no one
Is there a point to this madness and all that he was...
Is just a tragedy
He feels alone
His heart in his hand
He feels alone
Then on that last day he breaks
And he stood tall
And he yelled...and he takes his life
im bored and no one's online i wanna talk to... :-\
i want brett to come back home. stupid beach... i hate the beach.
so ahh... my mom talked to me this morning and we're leaving the church soon, i dunno if we're even gonna go there sunday. whatever and roberts not a deacon anymore so yea... i dunno whats happening in his head. i kinda surprised myself with my own reaction cause i'm not even like upset now...i'm just sort of... i dunno... content. maybe not even that but i just learned how to tolerate stuff. its weird cause last nite on the phone with brett i felt so helpless. it was one of those times where if there'd been someone there to hug i wouldve hugged them and started crying in their arms... i have a tendency to do that when i feel like that. but it sucked cause last nite there was no one there. i got to the point where i wanted sooooo bad to go get in bed with my mom just like i used to when i was little and just lay there and cry in her arms... thats what made me start crying and thats whats making my eyes get all watery now... ha. fun.
i feel so fucking lost. like i'm one of the biggest fuck ups ever. i screwed up my own life and then when i had the chance to fix it i willingly passed it up... and now, i cant say that i regret it, but i'm just a lot less happier overall then i've ever been. but the weird part about this is that i'm, in general, very comfortable with everything and i think thats whats sorta holding me back from doing anything with my life... but once we do leave i swear kids i'm going to hell with satan fucking applauding me. all this caring about stuff is going out the window and shattering on the ground... no more... i'll be free, but damned. its cool, i can deal...
yesterday brett was talking about kristina and it made me feel kinda sad, like cause i've been reading her journal lately and i miss her a lot... like i miss everything, i always say that but i reeeally really do.
i think i'm too empathetic. like thats why i never get mad at people. i always gotta try and see where the other person is coming from and usually i get where they're coming from, i just dont agree with what they're doing. like i'm empathetic all the time but rarely will i be sympathetic to anyone. haha, its kinda funny. i dont give people pity parties and i try not to try to have them for myself, but i dunno, lately it doesnt seem like i've been doing a good job doing that... sorry. i'm a good kid, really i am, i dont like not liking people and i dont hate anyone at all. like even yesterday when i got in a fight with randy i felt reeeally bad after even though he was really the one that started it and started being an asshole first. i just dont like conflict... i dont say anything about people behind their backs that i wouldnt say to their face, i dont start rumors, i dont even give a shit about them... i think i'm good. like i dont wanna even remotely hurt anyone, even if i dont like them... its just sometimes i get so caught up in myself that i start to lose sight of everyone else. i dont mean to... grr. i suck. i wanna leave... once we leave kids... i'm over... everything as it is now, is over.
|Wednesday, July 30th, 2003|
i feel sad. i dont know why. it just sorta came over me right now. so um... i cant go to annettes house this week... i forgot to do the dishes for one night so now i cant go anywhere... gotta be responsible, cant forget. i dunno, that just seems pretty fucked cause my mom will watch the baby whenever chelle wants to go anywhere and she never cleans up shit, but here i am i never even fucking ask to go anywhere that often and i not only do my chores but chelle's too and i screw up once and i get nothing. whatever. i'm over this house, i'm over my life. now i just all of that was over, period.
so last nite something was happening in the Snowden/Carnell/Blair residence... i dunno what it was. but my mommy had to leave and go for a drive to clear her head i guess, and when i went downstairs robert was just sorta sitting there in the dark solemnly with his eyes closed and his hand over his face... thats actually why i didnt do the dishes, didnt wanna disturb his... meditation/thinking/whatever he was doing, but whatever. it had something to do with church... i think i know what.
and i think i know whats gonna happen... why i wont be there next year. i think... but the only thing that doesnt quite fit is whats gonna happen to my mommy... robert did what he was suppose to, i got sidetracked obviously, and my mom is just... i dunno how she fits into everything. but one thing i did think about was what was gonna happen once we leave... and that really scares me.
im tired. i'm gonna go do dishes now. bye bye.
|Tuesday, July 29th, 2003|
1) The singular most boring question: What's your name? Candice
(2) Are you happy with it? yea
(3) Are you named after anyone? no
(5) Your screenname: jadedkisses2120
(6) Would you name a child of yours after you? no... thatd be weird
(7) Then what would you name your children? i dunno... orion? thats purty...i dont want a girl
(8)If you were born a member of the opposite sex, what would your name be? i dunno
(9) If you could switch names with a friend, who would that be? none of them(no offense)
(10) Are there any mispronounciations/typos that people do with your name constantly? no... but people always ask if they can call me "candi"... the answer is no
(11) Would you drop your last name if you became famous? famous people can go blow themselves
(12) Your sex: Female
(13) Straight/gay/bi? ha... um... mostly straight
(14) Single? not really
(15) Want to be? i'm happy with whatever kind of thing i have now... so no
(16) Your birthdate: may 29
(17) Your age: 15
(18) Age you act: 10
(19) Age you wish you were: 18
(20) Your height: 5'5.5"
(21) The color of your eyes: Brown
(22) Happy with it? i want them to be purple
(23) The color of your hair: its dark red but u cant see it unless you're in the light cause my mom was a fucker and wouldnt let me get permanent
(24) Happy with it? no
(25) Left/right/ambidextrous? right
(26) Your living arrangement? a house...
(27) Your family: um... i wish i was an orphan to put it simply
(28) Have any pets? NICK!
(29) What's your job: no job
(30) Piercings? 2 in each ear and an occasionally pierced belly-button and a rarely pierced lip
(31) Tattoos? Nope
(32) Obsessions? brett
(33) Addictions? brett, sadness
(35) Do you speak another language? kinda
(36) Have a favourite quote? not really
(37) Do you have a webpage? no
DEEP THOUGHTS about life and you in it
(38) Do you live in the moment? if you mean this moment then yes because obviously i'm not dead... therefore i'm alive
(39) Do you consider yourself tolerant of others? not if i dont like you or you annoy me
(40) Do you have any secrets? yes
(41) Do you hate yourself? yea
42) Do you like your handwriting? people say i write pretty but i just write really fast... i dunno whatever
(43) Do you have any bad habits? yea... breathing
(44) What is the compliment you get most from people? um... they call me skinny... whatever
(45) If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called? "SHE FAILED AT EVERYTHING AND YET STILL BORED THE WORLD WITH HER EXISTANCE: the waste of time also known as the life of Candice Carnell"
(46) What's your biggest fear? clowns, heights, dying, being lost, getting killed, having no chance at happiness, losing brett
(47) Can you sing? i can sing... whether i sing good or not is a different question
(48) Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool? i pretend to be a gangsta g or a stripper... except without the stripping
(49) Are you a loner? sometimes
(50) What are your no. 1 priorities in life? if something was my #1 priority in life wouldnt there be nothing else?.... whatever... my TOP priorities in life are brett... um... thats it
(51) If you were another person, would you be friends with you? i wouldnt even pay attention to myself
(52) Are you a daredevil? hell yes
(53) Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? i hate: everything, i fear: nothing
(54) Are you passive or aggressive? assertive... then if you dont listen aggressive
(55) Have you got a journal? ...look around child
(56) What is your greatest strength and weakness? my strength is making people happy(i dont know how, but thats what i've heard)... my weakness is brett
(57) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? i'd change where i lived... like minus the family minus the house...
(58) There are three wells, love, beauty and creativity. What's your point? wtf is this question???
(59) How do you vent? i write or i cry or i listen to music
(60) Do you think you are emotionally strong? not at all
(61) Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life? i dont regret a lot of stuff... i dont wanna say cause it'd make a lot of people sad
(62) Do you think life has been good so far? its okay at times
(63) What is the most important lesson you've learned from life? dont give a fuck what people think and if you notice yourself falling try as hard as you can to pick yourself back up
(64) What do you like the most about your body? is this question like on every quiz???? um... my stomach... sometimes
(65) And least? legs
(66) Do you think you are good looking? sometimes
(67) Are you confident? yea
(68) What is the fictional character you're most like? hmm... prolly Lil from the rugrats...
(69) Do people know how you feel? they can tell when i'm not normal... i dont think they ever really have a clue whats going on... unless i'm high, then i'm walking crooked and my eyes are as wide as fuck and i whisper and i talk hella fast... hahahaha good times
(70) Are you perceived wrongly? i dont think people care enough to try to perceive me
(71) Smoke? nope
(72) Do drugs? ...i want to... i miss them... good times
(73) Read the newspaper? when im looking for movies
(74) Pray? at church or when i'm just at rock bottom
(75) Go to church? jes
(76) Talk to strangers who IM you? strangers dont IM me
(77) Sleep with stuffed animals? yea... i have a spongebob and a tweety and a rabbit... the rest are in my closet
(78) Take walks in the rain? i sit at my window and watch the rain
(79) Talk to people even though you hate them? no... i talk to people i dont like occasionally but if i hate you then you're fucked
(80) Drive? no
(81) Like to drive fast? i like people to drive me fast...
WOULD OR HAVE YOU EVER...
(82) Liked your voice? yea...
(83) Hurt yourself? self-mutilation is the third best escape 1) music 2)drugs
(84) Been out of the country? MEXICO!! TJ!! WOOT! WOOT!
(85) Eaten something that made other people sick? i dont think so
(86) Had sex? nope
(87) Been unfaithful? haha yea
(88) Been in love? yea
(89) Done drugs? yes
(90) Gone skinny dipping? in the bath... when i bathe... i mean take baths, i like the shower
(91) Had a medical emergency? yea
(92) Had a surgery? i got stitches if that counts
(93) Ran away from home? ...fuck this
(94) Played strip poker? nope
(95) Gotten beaten up? nope
(96) Beaten someone up? ...i've slapped someone before... but it didnt go to fighting...
(97) Been picked on? yea
(98) Been on stage? yea
(99) Been so drunk that you know you're supposed to go out on a date with someone, but you can't remember with who or when and that you faint when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, not to mention your breath? i dont drink....
(100) Slept outdoors? yea! at girl scout camp! no shit...
(101) Thought about suicide? i more than thought about it... fucking religion man... fuck
(102) Pulled an all-nighter? jes
(103) If yes, what is your record? one day, lol
(104) Gone one day without food? all the time
(105) Talked on the phone all night? yea
(106) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex first(moms and daddys don't count)? yea but i havent in... i think like a year
(107) Slept all day? yea
(108) Killed someone? why the fuck would i say yes?
(109) Made out with a stranger? i've kissed strangers... never made out with one though
(110) Had sex with a stranger? nope
(111) Thought you're going crazy? yea
(112) Kissed the same sex? yea
(113) Done anything sexual with the same sex? nope
(114) Been betrayed? ...fuck people
(115) Had a dream that came true? no... but stuff seems like deja vu ALL the time... its so freaky
(116) Broken the law? hahaha... yea
(117) Met a famous person? nope
(118) Masturbated? wtf??
(119) Masturbated with something other then your hand? see previous answer...
(120) Have you ever killed an animal by accident? yea... my fishies that i used to have
(121) On purpose? not animals... insects
(122) Had sex? no... didnt u ask that b4?
(123) With more then 1 person? no
(124) Threesome? no
(125) Orgy? no
(126) Whip cream? i wish
(127) Bondage? niiice
(128) Whipped/gotten whipped? i had a whip... but then robert was a fucker and took it back
(129) Blindfolded? niiice again
(130) Tied someone up/been tied up? i'd get tied up... i'd never be all dominatrix-y
(145) Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell? probably
(146) Stolen anything? yea
(147) Been on radio/tv? both
(148) Been in a mosh-pit? yea
(149) Had a nervous breakdown? yea
(150) Considered religious vocation? haha yea
(151) Been criticized about your sexual performance? no...
(152) Bungee jumped? hell fucking NO
(153) Had a dream that kept coming back? yea
CLOTHES and other fashion shit
(154) Shoe brand? converse and adidas
(155) Brand of clothing? a bunch of random shit
(156) Cologne/perfume? living pleasures, velocity, mambo, curve
(157) What are you normally wearing to school/work? jeans a shirt(probably tight), and a jacket
(158) How about parties? party hardy... same thing... even though parties scare me
(159) Wear hats? i'd wear my pimp ass hat i just bought... and when im playing softball... but i dont think that counts
(160) Judge other people by their clothing? yea
(161) Wear make-up? not really
(162) Favourite place to shop? um... a shitload of department stores and forever 21 cuz they gots the tulle stuff that i like a lot
(163) Favourite article of clothing? my jeans that i wrote all over... i've worn those probably about 10 times now and they still havent been washed
(164) Are you trendy? no
(165) Would you rather wear a uniform to school? no
(166) Believe in life on other planets? no
(167) Miracles? no
(168) Astrology? no
(169) Magic? not the cheap ass little card tricks... but the dark stuff then yea
(170) God? yea
(171) Satan? is my daddy
(172) Santa? hell yes
(173) Ghosts? demons, yes... ghosts, no
(174) Luck? no
(175) Love at first sight? no
(176) Yin and Yang (that good can't exist without the bad)? no
(177) Witches? yea
(178) Easter bunny? yes, but i highly doubt that the day jesus rose from the dead some rabbit went around passing out eggs
(179) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? yea
(180) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? yea... no one's ever really proven it wrong
(181) Do you wish on stars? yea
DEEP THEOLOGICAL QUESTIONS
(182) Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell? unfortunately... if i didnt i wouldnt be half as fucked up as i am now
(183) Do you think God has a gender? yes
(184) Do you think that science counteracts religion? no
(185) Do you believe in organized religion? wtf
(186) where do you think we go when we die? i'm going to hell. fuck me.
(187) Do you have any gay/lesbian friends? i gots bi friends...
(188) Who is your best friend? brett and christian
(189) Who's the one person that knows most about you? brett
(190) What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you? get right so you can go home... i never listen though
(191) Your favourite inside joke? i dunno
(192) Thing you're picked on most about? um... i dunno... people dont pick on me anymore
(193) Who's your longest known friend? hmm... all the ones i knew sorta branched away from me... probably rudy now
(194) Newest? ashley
(195) Shyest? ...none of them
(196) Funniest? christian
(197) Sweetest? brett
(198) Closest? brett
(199) Weirdest? they all are
(200) Smartest? christian
(201) Ditziest? brett haha blondie(jk i love you kid)
(202) Friends you miss being close to the most? marshalena
(203) Last person you talked to online? im talking to brett now
(204) Who do you talk to most online? brett
(205) Who are you on the phone with most? brett
(206) Who do you trust most? no one really
(207) Who listens to your problems? i dont tell people my problems
(208) Who do you fight most with? brett
(209) Who's the nicest? christian
(210) Who's the most outgoing? i dunno
(211) Who's the best singer? how the fuck would i know?
(212) Who's on your shit-list? torry and katie...
(213) Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend? yea
(214) Who's your second family? ummm prolly david's family or rudy's since i'm over there all the time
(215) Do you always feel understood? no
(216) Who's the loudest friend? hmm... we're all pretty loud
(217) Do you trust others easily? not at all
(219) Name a person who's arms you feel safein: brett
(220) Do your friends know you? i hope
(221) Friend that lives farthest away: david
LOVE, and all that
(222) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title? no
(223) Do you remember your first love? yea
(224) Still love him/her? i dunno... i havent talked to him in 2 years
(225) Do you consider love a mistake? no
(226) What do you find romantic? i dunno... haha um brett
(227) Turn-on? domination... piercings... long hair... black hair... nice voice... taller than me
(228) Turn-off? hairy chest/stomach, ugly, clumsiness... etc
(229) First kiss? first real kiss was bus people this year...eww
(231) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel? i'd feel like hiding
(232) Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going "blind"? knowing them
(233) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out? no
(235) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive? mmhmm
(236) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking? some of them... more than i'd like
(237) What is best about the opposite sex? well um... i dunno brett puts up with my shit all the time and is still sooooo sweet through all of it... im gonna cry now
(238) What is the worst thing about the opposite sex? BOYS are misleading and get waaay too fucking cocky when they think a girl likes them
(245) Do you read porn? ...no
(246) Read the articles? no
(247) Just the pics? no
(248) What's the last present someone gave you? brett gave me 3 cds monday
(257) Are you in love? yes
(258) Do you consider your significant other hot? i didnt when i first saw him but now whenever i see him its like "...whoa"
(264) What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw some hot guy/girl standing on the sidewalk? walk by them and wonder why they were just standing on the sidewalk like a hooker
THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES
(267) Have you ever wished you could experience being the other gender? yes
(268) If you did experience that for one day, what would you do? i'd look at the girl me and decide whether she was hot or not... then i'd go fuck her... haha i wish i was a guy
(269) What do you love most about the other gender? the fact that they exist
(270) What do you dislike most? their stupidity
(271) What do you understand least about the opposite sex? how they cannot get the hint when girls practically throw themselves at them
272) Honestly, what do you notice first in the opposite sex? their entire face/how cute they are
(273) What is your fave possession? my computer
(274) What physical, tangible possession do you want most? brett
(275) How badly do you want it? i'd give up everything else i know
(276) Have you ever seen The Exorcist? yea... haha i saw it with aaaaron hahahahahaha thats really funny
(277) How long did it take for you to understand why the last question is in this section? wait wha??? i dont get it...
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
(279) That haunted you? um... that chick from the ring
(280) You wanted to kill? brett
(281) That you laughed at? annette
(282) That laughed at you? probably annette or brett
(283) That turned you on? BRETT
(284) You went shopping with? my sister
(285) That broke your heart? scott
(286) To disappoint you? brett
(287) To ask you out? robert... the reject ghetto kid from school...eww
(288) To make you cry? my mom
(289) To brighten up your day? brett
(290) That you thought about? brett
(291) You saw a movie with? brett
(292) You talked to on the phone? brett
(293) You talked to through IM/ICQ? brett...geez
(294) You saw? um... the person i actually went and saw was brett... the last person i saw was a robert
(295) You lost? lost? how do u lose a person?
(296) You went head over heels for? brett
(297) You thought was completely N-U-T-Z? um... idunno
(298) You wanted to be? kristina
(299) You told to fuck off? brett
(300) You trusted? brett
(301) You turned down? robert...
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
(302) Smiled? probably a few minutes ago
(303) Laughed? same as above
(304) Cried? sunday
(305) Bought something? saturday
(306) Danced? um... about 6 hours ago
(307) Were sarcastic? today when i was talking to brett
(308) Kissed someone? monday
(309) Talked to an ex? um... ex? i have an ex... kinda... the last time i talked to him was now
(310) Watched your fave movie? like a few months ago
(311) Had a nightmare? i think like 2 weeks ago
(312) Talked on the phone? a few hours ago
(313) Listened to the radio? a few hours ago
(314) Watched TV? now... haha its CNN, i didnt even know what was on TV
(315) Went out? um... i walked my doggy today if that counts
(316) Helped someone? sunday
(317) Were mean? yesterday
(318) Sang? a few hours ago on the phone with brett... i dunno if he heard me though
(319) Saw a movie? i almost saw a movie last tuesday... but the seats sucked
(320) Said "I love you"? like 2 seconds ago
(321) Missed someone? now
(322) Fought with a family member? i dont know
(323) Fought with a friend? i dunno
(324) Had a serious conversation? i dunno
(325) Smoked weed? never
(326) Got drunk? never
(327) Had sex? never
A LAST TIME for everything...
(328) Last book you read: the last book i finished was Heaven Eyes
(329) Last movie you saw: the last movie i "saw" was Pirates of the Caribbean
(330) Last song you heard: the distillers "sick of it all"
(331) Last thing you had to drink: hawaiian punch
(332) Last time you showered: yesterday
(333) Last thing you ate: noodles
(334) Last CD you bought: um... i havent bought a cd in a loooooong time... um... i think it was saves the day
(335) Last thing you bought: a skirt and shoelaces
RIGHT THIS MOMENT...
(337) Are you going to sleep?: no
(338) Will it be with your significant other? no
(339) Or some random person? no
(340) What are you wearing right now? a navy blue wife beater and yoga pants
(341) Body-part you're touching right now: um... my foot is in my crotch from the way i'm sitting
(342) What are you worried about right now? everything
(343) What book are you reading? harry potter... still... i havent read in like 2 weeks
(344) What's on your mousepad? i dont have a mouse pad... i didnt like them
(345) Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling: sore, sad, in love, lonely, tired
(346) Are you bored? yes
(347) Are you tired? yea
(348) Are you talking to anyone online? brett
(349) Are you talking to anyone on the phone? no
(350) Are you lonely or content? lonely... i miss brett
(351) Are you listening to music? no... but CNN is on in the background
(352) Do you laugh when you hear the number 69? no
(353) Were you lying about your answer to the previous question? sometimes
(354) Do you actually know your social security number? nope
(355) Do you actually know your IP address? nope
(356) Do you know what an IP address is? yea
(357) Do you know the four-digit extension on your zip-code? wtf?...no
(358) Have you ever thought there were too many numbers floating around in our lives? no
(359) Does your head hurt when you think of infinity, imaginary numbers, irrational numbers, etc? no
(360) What do you think of pi? i like pie...
(361) Have you got a fave number? 6
(362) How many rings before you take the phone? 2
(363) Do you type with your fingers on the right keys? yea
(364) How many CD's do you have? i dunno about 20 i think
(365) Mac or PC? pc
(366) How much do you actually care about the inner workings of your computer as long as it works? not at all
(367) Do you ever begin preferring IMs to other forms of conversations? yea
(368) Do you find you're different talking through IMs than face-to-face or telephone? yea...
(369) Have you ever ended bid on something on eBay and regretted it later? nope
(370) How much time do you spend online each week? too much
(371) Is the internet one of the modern things you could never live without? i could live without it if i didnt live here
(372) Do you even receive snailmail letters anymore? wtf????
(373) Send any? wtf is snailmail??
(374) What's your fave smiley? the one that smiles... or something
(396) If you could meet anyone in the world, living or not, who would it be? conor oberst
(397) Who is your idol? CHRISTIAN!!!!!!!
(398) What band has the funniest name? i dunno if this was their name... but brian's friend's band or something... Michael Jackson's Love Child... ha i still remember that
Blurty for Your Idol.