Blurty for Mystellarsecret.

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Sunday, November 23rd, 2003

Subject:"I wanted to be with you alone and talk about the weather"
Time:11:07 pm.
Mood:indifferent.
Music:"head over heals" Tears for Fears.
Maybe it's just my senioritis kicking in. But I'm feeling like why bother. Not so much with school work or Dance or Drama. It's more about what people think about me. I guess I used to go out of the way for people to think I was kind. But now I feel far more withdrawn. I mean I suppose I'm still pleasant, but I don't feel like I'm making an effort. Somehow it's more comforting. Not so much that i was acting fake before, but now things just feel so real. Like today after church i was sharing some small talk (something that's always weird for me) with this guy that things have always been hot and cold with. I was just myself I didn't let my nerves get the better me. I was poised and calm. Whenever I had spoken with him in the past, it always seemed he was directing the conversation and I was just a sheep to whatever he said. I guess my crush on him has finally past. I don't sound like a blithering idiot. I hope this new found confidence will help me in my new endevors (aka college interviews) staying on task and nailing hotties with 'fros. jkjkjk. I had a long talk with some family friends. And it's pretty much agreed I be oik in the future if i figure out what i want to do in the next 4 years with the rest of my life. They said the next 40 because they're still figuring things out. I guess i just have to stop reaching for the impossible and level out. Find my middleground. Find something i'm satisfied with. Damn. I feel like I'm satisfied with my religion, the way most people are satisfied with their jobs. I respect and adere to what i enjoy about it and not concentrate(overlook) what i don't agree with. Why then is it so hard to find the same satisfaction in my work? I feel like the mental turmoil many people have over religion is like what i'm going through with what i'm going to do with the rest of my life. Thankyou for reading another installment of Kristin Attempts to Contemplate the Universe By Oversimplyfying Feelings By How They Relate to Her. wow this is bad. I'm referring to myself in third person.
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Saturday, November 8th, 2003

Subject:Who says you need to take typing????
Time:7:22 pm.
plumage124: umm just a crush
oonavoo: oh cus i thought you said you werent into him anymore
plumage124: yeah i guess i'm pretty fuckle
oonavoo: fuckle lol
plumage124: Fickle
plumage124: lol...yeah
plumage124: i'm fickle with who i want to fuckle
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Subject:"So long to be loose and on her own"
Time:3:51 pm.
Mood:cranky.
Music:Pat Benatar "Hot Child in the City".
Why are the most beautiful pieces of art created about people who have reached the farthest depths of despair. It seems like every movie, song, book, poem, dance, or piece of artwork that has been of any major influence to me has contained an a painful and suffering aoura about it. I guess it's just a human tendancy to try to point out pain as a way to deal with it. I was listening to this song "Hot Child in the City" and it brought to mind a striking picture of painful beauty I witnessed just last week. I was waiting with a friend at the gas station just outside Loehman's Plaza, near the Upper Middle Class and affluent community of PGA. A neighboorhood I very well could have grown up in and many of my friends did. The gas station is in a realatively safe and populated area. Near lots of traffic. Most of which are people coming home. And in this familiar setting I saw something that still unsettles me. A girl, no older or less innocent looking than myself, got out of a new SUV. She stuffed some money into her pocket and crossed PGA blvd. and walked under the overpass and continued her way on 1-95. My friend and I looked on in shock while the driver speed away, as not to be noticed. This girl had to have been a prostitute. This kid, baby-faced equal of mine, sold herself and just dissapeared into the shadows. Driving through Rivera and some sections of West palm, I've seen women, ussually old, or made old by their profession straggle down the street, trying to feed their addictions and necessities. But I'd never seen a girl my age, so tame looking, probably guilty of their same crime. I've been thinking, lots of young people have sex, to try to fill that void that always makes you feel inept or depressed, I understand that. But somehow selling that seem so much worse. Why is it though? You're still performing a task to recieve a reward. I guess I know that having sex doesn't always mean that you'll feel better. But with prostitution, payment is always involved. It's more of an guarantee. I was talking to my friend and she explained to me that she was thinking about this differation alot recenly as well. She had heard that Pimps were looking more in shopping malls than on the streets for girls. They understood that the lure of designer materials superceded drugs. They also knew that younger and more innocent girls would be more lucrative than fried junkies. Somehow I find this to be worse. I can understand women in desparite situations, like trying to feed addictions. But girls like me doing guys for expensive trinkets? I don't mean to sound self-righteous, but c'mon?
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Thursday, November 6th, 2003

Subject:I hate the way the printer smells.
Time:2:46 pm.
Today was blah. Supposedly Thor, the lightning dectector was hit by lightning. The irony. 1945 Test went ok. Missed stupid crap on the physics quiz. Lame. Senior Game on Friday. Talked to that conservative kid Neilson. Not as crazy as I heard. But, still has tons to learn about the world. I'm dancing tommorow in assembly. Woohoo. HMC is gonna be awesome.
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Monday, November 3rd, 2003

Time:2:56 pm.
I was accepted to UNF. I was Elvis in the Halloween Parade. Joe is in Mr. Cedars' band. I'm trying out as a dance major at UF. Lots going on right now. Senior Game is this Friday. "Don't Fear the Reaper" is my new favorite song. I'm here early for dance team for once. Ha. I'll update better later.
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Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003

Subject:scrambled porn
Time:10:49 pm.
I promised to put my recording of the Backdoor Cafe onto a VHS tape. See what insues.
rach: nah, that's ok. if there is no alternative video, the one you made is really fine.
plumage124: ok but, the video was really bad...you can't even tell it's you...we're talking scrambled pron bad
plumage124: *porn
plumage124: haha i scrambled porn
rach: is it possible to make another copy tonight?
plumage124: i am trying
plumage124: i may only just have sound
rach: if that's the case, then the scrambled porn is fine.
plumage124: haha ok
rach: b/c the scrambled porn has sound, and some visuals.
plumage124: true
plumage124: but seriously with alex's fro and the mic stand...total scrambled porn
rach: see if you can work any bad 70's cop show music in.
rach: then my grandma will be truly disturbed.
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Monday, October 20th, 2003

Subject:So Today I met the Lord of the Dance
Time:12:32 am.
Yeah I did. Seriously, I saw Riverdance with the Pews and then afterwards i met up with Rach at CityPlace and we ate at the salad Place. We hung out b/c I wanted to show her and her parents my video(that i had on my camcor)of her singing at that Backdoor Cafe, and b/c of the tacky pisser I am I was playing my tap part when i was sitting next to Anthony Sharkey, the lead tapper who plays Michael flattely's part in Riverdance. And then He kept looking over hearing the tapping, i think he thought I illegally dubbed the show. So i like blurted out "I loved the show. Here's a tap at performance Cafe at my school and I'm rhythmic tapping in it. God, I'm lame" But he was really nice, considering. Considering, I was all dressed up all cute, and he thought i was still a it too young to crush my dreams. He started rambling how he liked it, started calling out the steps I did, laughing,smiling and commenting on my drummer's "interesting hair" but it was all really rushed in a thick Irish accent so I didn'y really catch it. But he seemed complementary enough. Wow what a bar story i'll have now. g'nite.
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Saturday, October 18th, 2003

Subject:"It's only castle's burning, don't let it bring you down"
Time:9:26 pm.
Mood:strange.
Music:my brother's Cd, too embarrassed to say.
Some much has gone on. Physics i feel is going better, The test and lab were both acceptable grades. Woo hoo, good quarter grades. about time. Backdoor Cafe occurred this Thursday. So much fun. Some of the best times i've had in a while. I was happy with my #. And my dad's swell camcordering skills. Hit me up and I'll show you the video. Rachel was amazing. SARP'll be bigger than the beatles. It's a fact. yesterday I Slept away. Today I went to a family picnic for my pop's work. I met the boss' so. Haha. He's a nice guy. But slight resembles an African environment Enthusiast. Yeah, creepy. I learned how to use the camcorder tonight. I see Riverdance tommorrow. I can't wait.
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Saturday, October 11th, 2003

Subject:"Do you realize that happiness makes you cry?"
Time:11:49 pm.
Wow it's been a while. So i'm here and still kickin'. SAT's today. I felt like I did pretty well. I think college will be in the future. shibby. Then i went to rehearsal, it was fun. I have a Harmony with Maddy Apple. Wicked. I like it. It's about two lines, but they are filled with insight and social prevailance. Yeah, i'm a Lit Snob. Jealous? I have to be it's a Benj. Kid thing. Nulli Secundus. That's right. My mom and I went on an excursion today at the mall for jeans, especially for the BDC. That took about 4 hours. But I'm now the proud owner of a pair that we both agree upon(and they cost $19, so yeah, Bargain Master over here). FYI..never try on Classic fit at the GAP. They give off the MOM jeans look. Yeah you know what i mean, the ass_widening, girl penis syndrome, swallow you alive look. I walked around the store abit in them just to get the looks of disgust. There was indeed some scouring up in that joint. Well now i'mfitted in gear for the BCafe. I just need the wits to get through it. psh...a group shower would certainly calm the nerves. Dude now, i know why people smoke, to calm the F>>> down. Yeah not worth it still. Well moral of the blurty, just say no. That includes Jaeger or however you spell it!!!!
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Monday, September 29th, 2003

Subject:the good, the bad, the Ugly...you decide
Time:8:24 pm.
Mood:sad.
Music:"It's So Hard To Say Goodbye" Boys II Men.
and come up with a title while your at it. Thanks.

The first boy I fell for was like the first wine I wished to taste.
Those evergreen eyes behind faded five and dime frames,
So much like the bottle's green luster, guarded by the crossed hatched case,
Neither which I found appealing never do,
But like that Vintage, in time they grew.

The risks with the wine were as clear as the boy's infinite eyes.
But the risks of the boys were as hidden,
As wine in the Cellar lies,
Drunk with love and dizzy with lust,
My mind became clouded,
As my reasoning turned to rust.

But I saw the of the wine's intoxication first hand,
Sickly sour jokes released from the lock of sober lips,
As bodies cluddered sidewalks from stopsigns that were ran,
How could I be so dumb with sirens blasting truth?

Tonight I grip the bottle, my tears dripping to the base,
As he holds his lover, with a five o'clocked shadowed face.
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Sunday, September 28th, 2003

Subject:All very exciting,indeed.
Time:2:11 pm.
Wow. Almost Done with senior year, I wish. I'm realizing people are finally putting their B.S. about cliques and "crews" aside and just hanging out and trying to push through it together. But then there are always the people that can't help but look back, the pillars of salt. I mean it's important not to forget when people screw you over, but holding on to the pain just didn't work, or at least it hasn't in my case. I know I'm not the most convential person by any means, but i just see so many poeple who are sucessful in every sense of the word (socially, academically, ascetically), but just can't understand that there's more to people, that there not the only ones going through things. And that it is hard for everyone sometimes. I've also come to the realization that my pride, reputation and How i feel about myself matters alot more than I ever pretended it didn't. I don't know if it's because of where I go to school, or the environment i've been raised in, but if you were ever to do something out of character(no matter what your character may be, people generally won't except you for it). O.K. that's enough of me being master of the obvious for a while. The weekend was ok. I had a game friday, but it got rained out. Went to Vero that night. ACTs in the morning. Baptism Party immediately following. Outlet mall excursion. Paners Bread. Night with the Radler, Including "once upon a time in mexico" bahahaha. Woke up. Slacked and Hmwk. All very exciting,indeed.
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Monday, September 22nd, 2003

Subject:Busy busy day
Time:9:21 pm.
Cass: u going to 311 and aaf?
Me: on halloween, right, i would but SATs
Cass: u should go! its gonna b like theyre best show of all(my friends brother is a fanatic)
plumage124: yeah i would but
Cass: u should!!
Cass: no buts!
Cass: im sure u already have a good sat score to begin w/~
Me: yeah but it could come up
Cass: so, go out and have fun the night b4 so ur relaxed for the test
Me: haha good idea
Cass: thats what i did, i was out till 1 b4 the sat and act
Me: haha
Cass: im telling u, it works
Cass: its a foolproof plan
Me: haha....they should sell tickets at the SAT tutor's
Cass: haha they should, theyd make a ton of $ and scores would go up
Cass: its the "cass" method of sat prep
Me: exactly..i'll make the mailers
Cass: alright, well go recruiting
Cass: i bet well get a lot of takers
Me: haha...cass, i needed that it's been an intense night
Cass: lol, how come? there is nothing u should b dealing w/ now to make u that stressed
Me: u need to go to cass's learn-to-enjoy-ur-senior-year- class
haha Cass is good people, even if she lives in Wellington, Nobody's perfect. Today was good though. So was this weekend. I had assembly performance on Friday and that went really well. It was very fun. The game went well too, even if we had to hold the opening pose fore like 2 minutes seriously, rough. Dance was cool, standard though. After went to Brody's, It was Ok but after parties aren't really my thing. Sunday=struggle with my formal paper and Physics, but it was ok. Church at St. Paul's, haven't been there in a while, Joe's gonna be their new trumpet player. Muscian. Speaking of which I had my first rhythmic tap. Wicked. Or atleast it was once we figures out what we wanted to do. Alex B what a cool kid, and for that he got to sit in the chair. I think you know what I'm talking 'bout. Then Drama..my part still is pretty freaky as a croane, but i'll make it work. Oh i almost forgot, Dance team is being like under the thumb of the administration because of our "suggestive moves". Which is crap I say. They actually called what we do "thrusts" and "gyrations". Hello when was the last time people called 'em gyrations. I could tell you. Back in Elvis' era. Damn that was the fifties. Yes dance is sensual, but i mean it's just like what we discussed in English today. Jazz originally began for men as they waited in lines for brothels, but every time you point on Louis Armstrong, It's not liketo get in the mood. Basically anything anyone does can be sexual, but were young women, so everything we do has to be "suggestive" Damn the man. It's not the fifties, don't try and make me fell guilty for "girating" in perfect syncapation with the rest of my team. What I do takes skill and pratice so don't belittle it because you don't get it. Yeah so this entry def. makes me the feminatzi of the dance team, well oh well. we need a campaign for the dancers to keep their "suggestive gyrations". I'm out.
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Wednesday, September 17th, 2003

Subject:So that's why we got to try, that's why we got to bring it back to one"
Time:9:18 pm.
Today my Brother Mike is 20. Woot. (yeah i wouldn't normally say woot, but it's a mike word.) Homecoming week is now. Hoorah. I was a boyscout today because it was backwards day and Boyscouts of America Is a backwards Institution and no-one got my greater political statement except of course, Steven Pitcarin. haha, that guy. My Ap Gov nemesis. Fun kid though. Ok the real reason I'm writing this is to cheer someone up. So you know what, I know this may sound trite and you read it on every other Freshman messenger bag, but "cheer up Emo Kid". Turn off the Wilco(even if it's alt. country) and go hook up with a junior in a dew rag (or Doo rag..albeit) before i get too attached and set your hair on fire a la Britney Spears on SNL. And Jorge- Jacques' son(the expet on TAH) will tell you that that shit burns like nothing else) A LA and jorge-Jacques are French for those of you who don't know better. So what can I say but guys suck. I mean c'mon, those who aren't gay or taken(some of them suck too) can't see or hear you because their 'fro gets in the way or act suprised to find out you may have depth even if it's hidden in a TBS Dance team uniform or dictator of the NDS. But sometimes I question what I think i mean really, aren't guys who aren't really into realationships feeling the same way? And then i get all depressed too and realize i'm the stupid emo kid. I mean seriosly who gives someone a button to cheer someone up?
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Tuesday, September 16th, 2003

Subject:It's been One week since you looked at me,....
Time:10:32 pm.
Well what's happend this week? Thursday I had the Abacoa Sept. 11 performance. It was funny. Or at least I was funny looking. Check it out for yourselves on the WIRK website. Hmm Friday was school and such. I found out I made the play, but I'm playing a swing role again. Kinda sucks, but i'll get over it, or not. And the later would be rough, I mean what kinda of scary bar tale would I have to say 10 years from now about me knocking out Helen Keller in an attempt to upstage her. But I must be gracious. Damnit. Following that I went to the show with Courtney, It was good seeing her, we need to hang out more!! Sat. was fun. I went on the new Island Runner (sorry Rach had to name drop). Yeah fast, this boat went like 60 mph. I'll never need a face lift in my life thanks to that ride. Sunday was pretty relaxed. And now it's tuesday. I have clothes for homecoming. Woohoo. Very scene. And I plan on getting an academic award this year, although it maybe in Finite Math, I have goals and that's what counts. I can't wait to perform the dance on Friday, it'll be tyte(is that how one would spell tight when trying to sound cool?)!!! It's so ghetto..well i guess It's not PC to say ghetto so I suppose it's Urban? well anyway, If you're at asssembly this Friday you'll check me out in my b* dizzle(yeah so not the B* dazzlers anymore) uniform pants, you're first thoughts will be "Damn Girl, shake that Urban booty". They will, wait and see. Ok G'nite all.
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Monday, September 8th, 2003

Subject:Big Hands I know You're the one
Time:7:57 pm.
Mood:excited.
Music:"Blister in the sun".
Howdy. It is a monday. I had a test and a pop quiz today. Not a good way to start the week. But other than that stuff is good. I found out Sr. Feyk found me a drummer. Woo hoo. I am stoked. Percussion Tap baby. I bet you're asking what the buck is that? Buck. Haha a 'lil tap humor. but back to all seriousness, Percussion Tap is like Rythmic tap(tap with out music, just the sounds of the shoes) but Percusion adds drums. It'll be wicked just you wait. This weekend was fun I saw Wet Hot American Summer again after like 2 years and saw the Magdalene Girls at Loehmans. I highly recommend both. My college essays are working out. I feel alot happier than I did this time last year. I think that transcends in my better sucesses with stuff this year. I hope i can keep it up. What else? Oh I say that Ben Kid from SISG at Gap hanging sweaters. I love hardcore part-timers. Maybe on my next trip to the mall I can get some fashion tips. That would be rad. Yeah shake your fist and say "So not scene". But get over it. I'm happy with who I am right now so bite me. Seriously try.
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Monday, September 1st, 2003

Subject:"She tied you to a kitchen chair she broke your throne she cut your hair and from your lips...
Time:11:21 pm.
Mood:enthralled.
Music: jeff buckley "hallelujah".
....she drew the hallelujah." Great Song. well I finished my first week of senior year. It's going well so far. Physics is going to be my hardest class. Doc is hysterical though. He refers to anything cool as being "sexy" (Including the smartboard). But i go in to see him for extra help so we should be on pretty good terms. I still need a good monolouge for the play. It's "The Miracle Worker" and no that's not about my abilities in the bedroom, It's the story of Helen Keller's teacher Annie Sullivan and that whole thing. Yeppers. On sat. I went to see Freddy Vs. Jason with the girls. It was apparently written my a Benjamin student. You could tell by award winning diction of eloquently delivered lines such as "Kia, he has asthma!" and "blah, blah, something, something Bitch". And how in about a 90 minutes of film about 15 other movies were ripped off! My mom should totally banter up this movie. Big news are you prepared? Lindsay now has bangs and her liscense. Oh yeah. way to go Peniz. I finished that poem that will never see the light of day. but hey at least it's done. this week is all over the place. First Football Game. I'll be dancing at it. And i'll be at the Benj Gym at 7am to preform Fighter in the morning assembly. yeah shoot me now. I mean I love performing and i really like the dance. But not before the sun comes up. FCW and SISG show this friday. Busy day. And Char Mar starts up tommorrow. hopefully we'll take the rhythmic tap to competition. well i guess that's it...No it's not my prediction was correct about a Freshman boy hitting on me this year like at least 1 has since like 8th grade. This year's culprit, a kid in my Frech class. He's cute though. Just moved in from Manhattan. Very shy and intellectual. very TP like. now, if i could get hit on by a kid closer to my age......yeah you know.
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Friday, August 29th, 2003

Subject:am i right?
Time:5:59 pm.
OK so do all American alternative bands try to sound like they're British and vise versa?
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Monday, August 25th, 2003

Subject:first day first day
Time:10:25 pm.
Mood:complacent.
Je suis un senior! weeee. So today was all and all a pretty good day, by the looks of things this should be a pretty good year. I can say that with a sense of authority b/c after the first day the past two years I said had had bad days and my year pretty much followed. Hmmm...this one girl never ceases to upset/annoy me. I have known her since lower school and I can't say she has ever matured to follow through with the Golden Rule. The first day of school, first class I have with her and she's already muttering crap about me to some unasuming student next to her. I think i've finally figured out what to say to this girl. here it goes, "I respect the fact that you've accumilated many academic honors over the years, and I do think that you'll be able to reach your goal of an Ivey Leage Diploma. But treat other people who don't share that goal like they're inferior to even the most lowly shreads of common human reguard, see what you're left with. I hope you and you're diploma are very happy together." how was that? should I add how her ass is nasty? or is that too much? ok i gotta go do, nothing! hmwk is done and it's not even eleven! score!
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Subject:school starts in just a few hours...
Time:1:34 am.
and i can't sleep. Suprise, suprise.
Random thought, but I've thought of something uttterly pointless that I have to do before i die. OK, so you know for like graduation pictures they use panoramic cameras. Well some work so slowly, that you can leave your spot and run around to the otherside of the picture. A few days ago my aunt showed me a college reunion picture where her old boyfriend did that. Anyway, nothing else to interesting to type. So, sweet dreams
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Friday, August 22nd, 2003

Subject:How to fight loneliness by Wilco
Time:1:20 am.
Great Song
Download now and tell me what you think.

How to fight loneliness
Smile all the time
Shine your teeth to meaningless
And sharpen them with lies

And whatever is going down
Will you follow around
That's how you fight loneliness

You laugh at every joke
Drag your blanket blindly
Fill your heart with smoke

And the first thing that you want
Will be the last thing you'll ever need
That's how you fight it

Just smile all the time
Just smile all the time
Just smile all the time
Just smile all the time


mmmm Wilco. Thanx for telling me about it 10 pounder!
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Blurty for Mystellarsecret.

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