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oranges and passionfruit and jasmine [08 Jun 2009|05:24pm] [ mood | tired ] I cleaned and did laundry from eleven until five today. You know what I just realized? I haven't gotten a single text or phone call. That's so weird. I usually feel so happy and refreshed after a good cleaning, but now I'm just... meh. Kinda depressed, actually. And I can't get my fucking green tea to the correct temperature. I have my phone bill, car insurance, and six month's advance on my gym membership due in two days. All on the same motherfucking day, and of course it's the eighth so I've paid rent and utilities since my last paycheck. I swear to god someone upstairs planned that and is giggling down at me right now. Yeah, I've had better days, but I also have a big warm bed that has fresh clean blankets and brand new sheets with stars on them. I'm crawling into it. post comment

I've seen better days [17 Apr 2009|03:34pm] [ mood | disappointed ] Jesse and I got the house, which is incredible. We were supposed to move in today, but Don is slacking and now we can't move in until tomorrow. Jesse works all morning and I work all evening, so we won't get to move in together, which I was looking forward to. But at least we'll be moved in. Jesse got a call from Amnesia to cover, and he said he could after he got off of his first job. The shift is 4 to 10, though, so I called and offered to work the whole shift. Then Deborah, store manager who I've always loved, said that Michael, store owner who doesn't even live in this fucking country, said he didn't want me working there anymore, and she didn't know why. What the fuck, Michael? I mean, it's his store, he can do whatever he wants, but I can't think of a single thing that would make him uncomfortable with me working there. Amnesia's closing anyway, and I have my own god damn job, thank you very much, a job that pays better and doesn't require working with dust and spiders, but it's the principles here! I mean, a month before I quit to leave for Europe he gave me a raise. Oh well. None of us have ever understood Michael. It just kind of hurt my feelings, is all. At least Deborah still loves me. I'm gonna eat something and go take a bath. Eaters of the Dead will make me feel better. post comment

grr [16 Apr 2009|09:05am] [ mood | scared ] Don didn't call last night like he said he was going to. I'm pretty upset. Like, really upset. I'm terrified that we didn't get it. We turned down two other places because he promised us this one!! Isn't that, like, a verbal contract or something? Why hasn't he called?? I was supposed to me moving out today. I was supposed to go shopping with Jesse and my mom for all the fun little things you need in a house. I was supposed to be transplanting aloe vera into my new garden and trying to grow herbs and shit. Oh my god, call. Please please please call us today. post comment

Hiya Blurty [15 Apr 2009|04:38pm] [ mood | cold ] [ music | my dad whistling in his garage ] Wow. I can't believe I remembered my password. It's been so strange reading this journal after all this time. We can never really know what the future will bring, huh? I unlocked every single passage. I don't know why. A lot has happened since I last posted. Most importantly, Obama got elected! Mama didn't buy the Grover Beach house, and has been bouncing around different rental places. Jesse and Chico and I go with her. We canceled our plans for San Francisco, too- in fact, Jesse and I quit school, worked our asses off, and flew to Europe. We spent two and a half months there, just exploring. We got back at the end of February, and have been searching for jobs and apartments. The economy, which has just finally leveled off (fingers crossed) made that very difficult. We only just got jobs last week, but in some crazy miracle, we got a house too. The owner, Don, said he'd rent to us and that he'd call us tonight to sign the paperwork and stuff. I don't want to get my hopes up, but they are anyway. I lost a ton of weight in Europe, then gained it all back and more. I still want to be a doctor, but I don't really know what I'm going to do. I'd like to write, too. I'd like to do a lot of things. So... yeah. I'm back, older, heavier, and hopefully a little mellower. Hopefully a little wiser, a little changed for the better. I still love to shop, though. post comment

Don't tell me not to fly, I've simply got to! [29 Jun 2008|11:30pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | The Venture Bros ] if someone takes a spill it's me and not you. Can anyone give me directions? I'm lost... I don't know where the fuck I am or where I'm going. Today I woke up late, barely in time to take my birth control pill. I drove over to Papa John's house in my pajamas, to feed Missy and let her out. Still no sign of Vinny. Mother of Jesus, I've lost my father-in-law's cat. I gave Missy breakfast and played with her for a bit. I snagged a carrot out of the fridge and went back to my house. Ate a biscuit with cheese and Morningstar meatless bacon. Took Harley for a walk. Watched Will and Grace. Wrote a letter. Went back over to Papa's house. Read The Secret Life of Bees and smoked cigarettes. Played with Missy. No sign of Vinny. Finished my book. Locked the house up with Missy inside and left for work. Isaac was opening and Ryan was my break guy. Ryan and I decided to do the extreeeeeeeemely difficult wooden 3-D puzzles. Failed miserably. A friend of his came in and we became friends. Ryan left, I completed the puzzles and sent pics to Ryan. He thought I'd cheated. Wrote a children's poem about a Sparrow who went fishing in a pond for wishes. Cleaned the store. Rearranged the ring displays. Counted the register, locked up, went home. Made a sandwhich of Morningstar chik'n, tomato, romaine lettuce, BBQ sauce, avocado, and pickles. Sounds gross but it was really good. Had one glass of red wine and am working on my second. Kitty wants attention. She misses Jesse as much as I do, I think. post comment

I love you forevers!!! [06 Jun 2008|12:15pm] [ mood | okay ] [ music | Katamari ] I guess it won't be so bad here! Kitty seems to love it, at least, and Jesse says I can have a brook and swimming pool and Jacuzzi put in. I also love how green everything is. Instead of dish soap, 409, and carpet cleaner, there's peppermint oil. There isn't a single thing in this house that's been tested on animals. There's no animal by-product to be found in the fridge, except for organic, cage-free eggs and organic, hand-milked cheese. Needless to say, there's no meat anywhere!!!! And the highest quality champagnes and wines, each made on a fabulous year, reside in the bar (and there's a lovely selection of hard liquor as well). All of Jesse's mom's baking equipment is here for me to experiment with (Jess and I made a lemon pound cake with orange glaze last night- and all the fruits were picked fresh off of trees from the garden!!!) Anyway, kitty likes it. So.... coool. post comment

I hope that your head is clear as the sky [05 Jun 2008|08:35pm] [ mood | irritated ] [ music | You've Got Mail ] and that you save all beings from harm Kitty and I moved into Papa John's house. I miss my mommy. I like having fruit trees all around. I miss Harley. I like having Missy near. I hate the fire-less stovetop. I like the fireplaces in most rooms. I miss the stairs, but I like the land. I don't know if I'm happy or upset. Jesse and I are getting matching tattoos of lotus flowers. I'm excited. Dream, when you're feeling blue Dream, that's the thing to do Just watch the smoke rising rise in the air You'll find your share of memories there So dream when the day is through Dream, and they might come true Things never are as bad as they seem So dream, dream, dream I figure Papa will get sick of me in, like, a day. I don't like how he just bursts into Jesse (and now, Jesse and myself's bedroom) with no thought as to what we may have in here. I mean, where do I hang my lingerie? What if he finds it in the closet? This is stupid. I miss my mommy. post comment

No no no!!! [02 Jun 2008|08:50pm] [ mood | nervous ] [ music | Alice Deejay- Everybody's Free ] Jesse's trying to guess my password for this journal, but he's not gonna.... ha ha ha for me!! My mom's almost definately gonna get that two bedroom house in Grover Beach, she's just doing all the paperwork and stuff now. So when she does, Jesse and I will move into his dad's house, cause Travis is gonna take the second bedroom of the Grover house. I'm stressing, on so many things. What if Papi doesn't like living with me? What if he finds the extra utilities and groceries too expensive and gets annoyed? I know he will refuse to accept rent from me. I can handle all that stuff, even though Papi holds me to extremely high standards (only the best for his son; luckily, I am the best, and he knows it) but what really worries me is Chico. He doesn't like having indoor cats, but Chico's never lived outdoors before. Plus, Vinny's there, living in the garage, and while she loves me and Jesse, she's quite a bitch to other humans and most animals. Chico's gonna live indoors, like it or not, Papi!! Oh balls. The future is scary. Growing up is happening quite fast. post comment

Hello again [28 May 2008|04:56pm] [ mood | stressed ] [ music | Flavor of Love on TV ] Jesse and I are moving to San Francisco in August and I'm kiiiiiiiiinda freaking out. I should have started buying household stuff ages ago, but now I've got this huge list of things we need and not enough money to get it all. Heather and Jesse need... ♥dinner plates ♥dessert plates ♥bowls ♥glasses ♥mugs ♥flatware ♥a set of knives ♥a salad bowl ♥a cutting board ♥a salad spinner ♥frying pans ♥deep pans ♥pots ♥wooden spoons ♥spatulas ♥a sieve ♥tupperware ♥an electric can opener ♥dishtowels ♥towels ♥a coffee maker ♥a vacuum cleaner ♥a laundry basket ♥a trash can So fuck me, pretty much. Growing up is hard. But on the sunny side, we have a hell of a lot to start out with. A couch that folds out into a bed, a matching loveseat, a queen size bed, a full size bed that's actually much more comfortable but too small for my liking, one huge TV, one big TV with a DVD and VHS player, a desktop computer, a very nice desk, my antique vanity, my antique chest of drawers, Jesse's boring black manly chest of drawers, and too many books and movies and seasons of shows. So we need a big ass bookcase, too. Grrrr. Bye bye Blurty. 1 comment|post comment

Worst day of my life. [22 Sep 2007|07:59am] I'm serious. Yesterday was. But now it's over, thank the Goddess, and there's a whole new day ahead of me, and for all I know, it's gonna suck too. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed. post comment

you built a castle tumbling to the sea [08 Sep 2007|12:56am] My Jesse is the King of California My Jesse's eyes see only me My Jesse mutters my name and smiles in his sleep, because My Jesse only dreams of me I'm wearing Jesse's blue plaid boxers and his forest green Triforce Legend of Zelda shirt. It smells like him, like Old Spice deoderant, masculine pharemones, and sweet apple blossoms. I curl up in the arms of my lover and breathe deep. He responses by nestling his unshaven cheek into my neck and in his sleep, his soft lips open slightly and press gently onto mine. My Jesse dreams only of me. My Jesse is the King of California post comment

Mental Health Day [07 Sep 2007|11:30am] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | Will and Grace on TV ] I had to take a Mental Health Day, due to my existential breakdown yesterday. Medical school is going to SUCK. The central nervous system is composed of the brain and spinal cord, which is composed of cells called neurons, which communicates electronically within itself and neurotransmitts to other neurons; the neurotransmitter is divided into numerous subcategories, the three primaries being amino acids, peptides, and monoamines. The occipital lobe mainly controls the vision, while the Wernicke's area handles language comprehension and it's pretty clear that the amygdala is the part of the brain that creates the emotion of fear. Fuck if any of that is accurate. I hope so, cause there were many questions about it on yesterday's test. I have to graduate from Med School!!!!!! I WANNA BE A DOCTOR!!!!!! Damnitdamnitdamnitall. Jesse and I are going shopping to find a dress shirt for him that matches my navy dress, for the wedding tomorrow. I gotta get Papa John to tutor me on all this crazy brain shit. And what the hell is the pons for, anyway??? And how do you pronounce "parietal" for Christ's sake???? post comment

Fun thingy I stole from Sabrina [07 Sep 2007|11:23am] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Will and Grace on TV ] Cinderella; [ ] One of your parents is dead [x] You are expected to do a lot of chores [x] You love to dress up [x] You love animals [ ] You are waiting patiently for your Prince Charming [ ] Your mom is really strict [x] You have sisters who seem kind of jealous of you [x] You're afraid to speak your mind sometimes [x] You have left your shoes at a friend's house before [] You have blonde hair TOTAL: 6 Belle; [x] You've fallen in love with someone your friends didn't like [x] You've been lost in the forest [x] You love to read [] You are not shy at all, and not afraid to speak your mind [x] One of your family members is a bit wierd [x] You have done volunteer work [x] You have a wild imagination [x] You love to take care of people in need [x] You've had guys like you only because they think you're pretty [x] You've rejected at least one person when they've asked you out TOTAL: 9 Jasmine; [x] Your dad is rich/important [x] You are very clever [x] You've fallen in love with someone way different from you [] You're unique and different from everyone else [x] You'd never marry someone just because they were rich [x] You have set a lot of goals for yourself [] You don't have a lot of friends [x] You're independant [x] You have a very nice house [ ] Your parents try to control your life TOTAL: 7 Ariel; [x] Your parents expect a lot from you [x] You really try to follow the rules, but it's hard for you [x] You're a bit of a trouble maker [x] You're the youngest in your family [] You have a lot of sisters [x] You collect something [] You have long, red hair [ ] You have a pet fish [x] You're extremely curious [x] You believe everything people tell you/you're a bit gullible TOTAL: 7 Snow White; [x] You know that you're beautiful [ ] Sometimes it seems like your mom is jealous of you [x] You've almost been killed [x] You have at least seven good friends [x] You've had food poisoning [ ] You have short brown hair [x] You get along with everyone [x] All of your friends are different [x] You love to have a good time [] You're happier when you're out of the house than in TOTAL: 7 Mulan; [x] You're a tomboy [x] Everyone wishes you could be a bit more girly [x] You've pretended to be someone you're not [x] You've had a physical fight with someone [x] You have or have considered running away from home [x] Your parents try to plan your life out [x] Most of your friends are boys [x] You sometimes find yourself in bad situations [x] You love your family so much that you'd do anything to protect them [x] You are proud that you're different TOTAL: 10 Aurora (Sleeping Beauty); [x] You live with someone other than your parents [x] You were almost killed at a very young age [x] You are gentle, loving, and/or thoughful [x]You have a beautiful voice [x] You like to sleep in late on the weekends [x] You spend most of your time outside [ ] You're adopted [x] You have long hair [x] You're very romantic [x] Pink is one of your favorite colors TOTAL: 9 Pocahontas; [x] You love to walk around and explore your city [x] You are more spiritual than religious [x] You've been in an interracial relationship [ ] One of your siblings is dead [x] Your parents are very protective of you [x] Someone you know has been in war [x] You love nature [x] You have dark hair [x] You would love to move somewhere exotic and beautiful [x] You're very adventurous TOTAL: 9 Lotsa 9's and 7's, but it comes down to Mulan. Predictable. post comment

adventures in space [06 Sep 2007|07:28am] I had the strangest dream, about swamps and boats and babies and otters and a skunk. It was like that game you play when you're little, Hot Lava, cause I had to climb all over this swamp but I couldn't touch the water, or I'd die... or be It, I'm not sure cause I never landed in it. My father (Dennis) was the one making me crawl all over, and later I found I was risking my life for a simple business deal, so at least that part made sense. To dream that you are babysitting, suggests that you need to care for the child within yourself. To see a swamp in your dream, symbolizes aspects of yourself that are repressed and dark. You may be feeling insecure. The dream may also be a pun on feeling swamped from work, a relationship, or other emotional burden. On a less negative note, walking through a swamp, denotes that you will experience prosperity and pleasure, but through dangerous and intriguing means. To dream that you are climbing up something (ladder, rope, etc.), signifies that you are trying to or you have overcome a great struggle. It also suggests that your goals are finally within reach. Climbing also means that you have risen to a level of prominence within the social or economic sphere. To see otters in your dream, symbolizes happiness and good fortune. You will find ideal enjoyment or unusual tenderness with your loved one. To see a skunk in your dream, suggests that you may be driving people away or turning people off. Alternatively, it indicates that all is calm about a certain situation but you do not necessarily like it or agree with it. Well, some of that's rather grim! post comment

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workworkwork [04 Sep 2007|10:25pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | Hot Fuzz ] Idea One: pizza with a rolled crust made out of garlic sauce, italian seasoning, chopped garlic, stuffed cheese, and choice of stuffed topping Idea Two: Stuffed pizza; i.e., dough stretched twice as thin, half the amount of toppings on each, layered atop one another Idea Three: Stuffed Parmasean Garlic Twists [twice as wide, stuffed with choice of topping(s)] Idea Four: Pizza-rittos Jesse and I shall be testers. I don't work until Thursday, so I shall make... One medium pizza; stuffed with h1 jalepenos, h2 artichoke hearts; garlic sauce, spinache, portebello mushrooms, and button mushrooms as toppings Idea Two: might be tough, as our dough is prerolled, and we don't slap it out ourselves. Good luck, Nauti and Moony (or Jan and Heath, as the shop refers). Idea Three: spinache, button and portebello mushrooms, artichoke hearts, zuchinni, tomatoes, red onions, olives, bell peppers. That's a lot of deliciousness... but, if I must, I will :) I found out about a surprise party being planned for me by Nautikins! I'm so excited! Almost more excited that I found out about it! Now I can make sure it's how I'd like it. (Right bartender, right attendees, right venue). I'm a picky bitch. I got the lovliest dress for the wedding. All blue and silk and flowers. Cuuuuuuuuuuuutest little heels to go along. Then I got these adorable houndstooth heels and owl sketchers later that day. It was a good shopping day. Shopping day tomorrow. post comment

beerfest [04 Sep 2007|09:21pm] fuckin laugh post comment

Well, yesterday was an adventure [03 Sep 2007|07:58am] Play by play: Wake up. Jesse's still fast asleep, so I sneak out of bed and go upstairs to see if my mum and dad are awake. They are! And they've made coffee. We all goof around and chat, deliberate birthday plans for me. Mum decides we should get going, so we get ready and head out the door. Daddy takes Mummy's truck, and Daddy's truck is huge, so I offer to drive in my little Dodge. Mummy says chances of her yelling at me are too high (she always freaks out if I speed even a little or don't put my blinker on soon enough, it's hilarious) so we take the huge truck. First we go to Gottschalks and find it doesn't open until eleven, and alas, it's only nine. To burn up some time, we go out to breakfast and then to Trader Joe's for tampons, shampoo and conditioner, and toothpaste. Then to Mervyn's cause I need a new bra, and get one, in addition to a beautiful dress for the wedding! Now I need shoes. So it's off to Payless, where I can't decide between two pairs and just get them both. Home to show off our goodies and Mummy has to pack for her cruise. Mummy packs while I lay on the bed, smoke cigarettes, and comment about how cute all her new Cruise clothes are. Packing done, we watch Erin Brockovitch and I teach Mum how to use my cam cam. Mum leaves. I'm sad. ....to be continued post comment

I snuck out of work!! [02 Sep 2007|09:52pm] .....and now Daze and I are chilling! We're tired and drank a lot. I got three pairs of shoes today. That's a little much. NO MORE SPENDING, MOONY! New bra is cozy, though! Sushi dinner yum yum. I'm... so sleepy... post comment

click click [31 Aug 2007|06:23am] a hundred thousand drops of steaming hot water crushed down on a gentle pool, an inch above my knees. I wanted to photograph it until I realized that some things are too beautiful to be immortalized with a click. some things are too inspiring for pictures or songs or paintings. I stretched out in the lion clawed tub and thought about these things, and realized that some things are just real, like the rain in a bathtub or an owl in flight, and things that real can only be admired because they're always gone too soon. post comment

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