||Mudvayne - World So Cold
Or at least, I'd like to think so...
Music...music's always been a very integral part of my life. You play an instrument for seven years and not have music cored into mind. Life would be pretty dull without music. I mean, I know I would be bored out of my mind if I didn't have any Tool to listen to in the off hours of the day/night (as if you couldn't tell from my logo that I'm a big Tool fan :D) I always find myself drawn to people who love music. All my friends and my fiancee are music lovers. To me, to not like music, is to not have a soul. It's just something about the power and magnificence of certain rhythms and notes that burrows deep inside your soul and won't let go. Whether it's the soothing sounds of a violin (or viola :D) or the rumbling power and strength of an electric guitar. I find myself to be a fan of the darker, more mysterious genres of music, which would explain my love for Metal and Hard Rock. But I also have a deep appreciation for classical, probably due to the extensive amount of trumpet playing through the years. And I know some of my friends are reading this right now and thinking, "What the hell is he talking about? He hates rap and country!" Well, that's sort of true. True, because I generally dislike rap and country, but sort of because although they may not have my approval, they have my respect for what they've done in the music business. I do, to my credit however, own one rap CD, Stoned Raiders by Cypress Hill. I do not, however, own any country albums. And it will probably stay that way for a while.
Love is something that I've always felt, whether it be the love for my parents and family, or the undying, unconditional love I have for Samantha. Love is a strange thing, is it not? It can cause so much joy and happiness, yet at the same time, can cause so much pain and sorrow. I've experienced both sides of the spectrum in that relation. Heh. I remember having my heart broken so many times, and always thinking to myself, "Fuck this, this is just too much shit for me to handle." I think to myself, what is love? Merely just an emotion, right? I could just try to flick it off with a turn of a switch and go through life oblivious and alone, not ever risking that heartbreak, that maddening pain that drives you to do the most ludacris of things. But a little less than a year ago, I met someone who shattered all of my pre-conceived notions of love, and am still with her to this day. She made me realize, to deny love, to try to shut it out of your mind, is to deny and destroy the very thing that makes us human. For after all, the only thing that separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom is our higher cognitive awareness, and with such, our deep emotions. There's always light at the end of the tunnel. It's cliche, I know, but it's so very true. Sure, everyone gets rejected, heartbroken, down on themselves because they think that they were the ones that fucked everything up, and then they cling on to that past love for dear life, thinking that they can't go on, they won't go on. It's like a drug that there is no rehab for. But then, what really makes them kick their own ass, is when they realize that a person who is a million times better than the one that they're clinging on to is passing them by on an everyday basis, but you're too blind, to fixated on this person to realize what you're passing up. And then, when you're eyes are finally opened, you ask yourself, "Why did I waste so much time on this person who apparently didn't give a shit about me, when I could've been spending that time with this great person I have now?" That's the question that will torment you to no end. Trust me. I still ask myself that question everyday.
Imagination is the key to sanity. And insanity. Without imagination, the world would be one dull, lifeless place where no one would have new ideas and everyone would think the same thing day after day after day. How ironic then, would it be, to be in a world like that and not realize the insanity of it all. Almost paradoxical. I mean seriously, take all the art that you see everyday, take all the music, the clothes, the culture of the world and condense it into one mindless, hive-like entity, where everything is repetition and you wake up every morning to the same exact thing. Any normal person nowadays would be driven mad. Gives new meaning to the phrase "Same shit, different day." Imagination is what keeps us sane. Now since the human brain is so complex, some people get wired a little differently and their imagination makes them believe that everyone is out to get them, that everyone must die, or that everyone is a chicken. That's what makes us insane. Now take the monotonous world principle and apply it to this scenario: Would one insane person make everyone insane, or would one sane person make everyone sane?
Would they know the difference?
And of course, when it boils right down to it, maybe the entire human race is already insane.
Ever look up at the sky, and wonder, "What if?" What if we're not alone in the universe? Aliens! They're everywhere! Or maybe nowhere. My theory is, the universe is too fucking huge for us to be the only civilized species. You have to wonder if God got bored watching just us one day and made a completely different species at the other end of the universe. Wouldn't that be weird...
Time. The ever-present contingent of seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries, and milleniums. You could look at it two ways: You're dying every second, or, you're living your life every second. I personally prefer the optimistic side of it, or just plain and simply don't think about it at all. Sometimes I think about how time works. If you just sit down in class, or work, or wherever you are, and just take note of something, could be significant or insignificant, and watch it change, watch it move, and realize that that moment is already done and gone and can never return again, it really hits you on how precious every moment is. Because as soon as it's there, it's gone. You can never recreate your first kiss, your first major accomplishment, or your first major vacation to the exact emotions of love, pride, or excitement that was felt at that time, and it makes you really appreciate the gift of memor, since although it is indeed done and gone, it's always locked in the back of your mind. So in essence, man has already accomplished the feat of time travel when he had his first memory, because he could always go back and visit that time in his mind and remember what happened, what he felt and what he learned from that experience. Time is against us? It terms of life and death, yes. But it's what we do with that time that makes us who we are and what the legacy we leave behind is.
Well...now that it's 12:30 and I've been here for an hour and a half, I think I will stop subjecting you to my philosophical bullshit, take a shower, and hit the sack. G'night all.