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7th August 2003

9:24pm: Half Dream
You know when you're laying in bed, half awake and half asleep and you're trying to like... do things from your bed from like half sleeping telepathy. Well one day I was laying there thinking "I want to go hop a train" but I was thinking "you know I'm too tired and too lazy to go walk all the way to the train tracks downtown" then I heard stirring downstairs. I figured it was Uncle Mike so I thought "hey maybe Uncle Mike would give me a ride to the train tracks"...

...then I woke up.

Chelsae is my exfoliating buddy even if she is using a mask and I'm just using Stridex
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Bush "Inflatable"

2nd August 2003

1:48pm: Pirates' Job
I can't swim. I dont know how, never learned I figure I'll learn one day... it seems like one of those life skills u might need so if u were ever on a boat that pirates captured and they wanted to throw u over board they should need to have to go through the effort of chaining u to a cannon ball or something, if they just have to throw u over thats too easy and they're not doing their real job as pirates
Current Mood: dirty
Current Music: Mustard Plug "The Freshman"

18th June 2003

9:40pm: Over Play
People hear a song and are blown away by it say "Oh My God! That's my new favorite song as-of-this-moment" then they listen to it over and over again 1 million times then its not their favorite anymore.

Cabbage Patch Dolls have a belly button but no genetilia so children can learn there IS a life cycle but your genitals are NO part of it.

My palm itches and I've found the only way to rid your palm of the itch is to lick it. Nike says "Just Do It", since that slogan was used in an ad, teenage pregnancy has risen 15% (is that the truth? pfft hell if I know)
Current Mood: lethargic
Current Music: Lawrence Arms "Faintly Falling Ashes"

9th June 2003

9:28pm: New Age Hippies
I wish I could be one of those new age hippies, you know the kind that shower, "hygenic hippies" as I think of it. I mean it would be great to be a hippie they have the cool stoner music and they give their kids cool stoner names and they're stoners. Only bad thing is that they don't shower but I mean if I could be a hippie that showered I'd be just chipper, the only other thing though is they dont eat cheeseburgers and well I'll be completely honest, I like those cheeseburgers (sorry Bessy).

The other thing about hippies is they have great dances I mean all you really have to do is stumble around a little bit and wave your arms about and WHAPPA you're dancin like a hippie! With me little-to-none coordination I could completely pull off the hippie dance. The other thing about hippies is that they have cool vehicles. Usually something along the lines between a cross of the Mystery Machine and the Partridge Bus, I think since those were both like 70s things they're not very fuel efficient but HEY they look pretty cool.

Reguardless of it all, the cool music, names, dances, and vehicles... when it comes down to it, I just wouldn't be a good hippie, I'm sure carrots have a conciousness... but I'm not really sure I care... I guess you could call me heartless.
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: MxPx "Study Humans"

27th May 2003

10:30pm: Special Talents
Man I'm such a spaz, you know, I can crack my toes, creepy isn't it? Also I can move my little toe independently... man its times like these that I really wish I had those webbed feet. I think I have ugly feet but if I'm not wearing shoes I'm going barefoot.

Your happy trail is like pubes that tried to escape only to have fallen into the cavernous navel.

Walking down the hallway, just full of perkiness, and you know just wanna break out in DANCE and start doing these fancy numbers down the halls with cartwheels and back flips and tap dance moves and then you know, it hits you, you don't know how to dance... talk about a downer.

The spaztic euphoria has crashed and is in flames... this is a worse downer then the realization you can't dance
Current Mood: gloomy
Current Music: Thursday "A Hole In the World"

23rd May 2003

6:11pm: The Sexy Man Fairy
Theres a squirrel on a pogo stick and there is a fairy in a birdfeeder throwing seeds at the squirrel as he pogos ooo he's a sexy man fairy with orange spiked hair in a white kilt with black polka dots... or is it a black kilt with white polka dots. o well it doesn't matter b/c he's so sexy :-p the sexy sexy man fairy is blowing bubble and ooo look he he he jumped in one of them and is floating away out of the bird feeder. but O NO what's this? what is it! it's a wood pecker!! o no he's going to come and pop the bubble the sexy man fairy is in!! o no o no he's coming closer... closer... closer NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO the woodpecker collides with the bubble and o no the bubble pops and the sexy man fairy falls... falls... closer and ooo his kilt is flying up!! the sexy man fairy's kilt is flying up!! HE HE, except that he's falling to his death... that might put a bit of a damper on the man-fairy porn :-/ but o pooh he's holding it down, yet he's falling to his death...

...oh but wait, he he silly us, he's a fairy... and there he goes... just fluttering away
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Alice In Wonderland "Happy UnBirthday"

20th May 2003

7:41pm: Alice In Wonderland
What we need is... a lizard with a ladder!

i think my stomach is skinniest right after i pee in the morning

if you check ur zipper its likely to say YKK if it says some other form of letters, its probably inbred. thats what i told my friend leeann i told her she had an inbred zipper b/c hers was like N7 S2 and she kept asking if it could have AIDs and i said no and then she asked well can it have sypholis and i asked her why she wanted her zipper to have an STD so bad was it like a way of proving it got ass? but she made the point something that rides its teeth so much should have gotten an STD by now

Cheer Up Emo Kid! How many emo kids does it take to screw a light bulb? NONE cuz they'd rather sit in the dark and cry about it

Can you see ur tongue if u stick it out? Sometimes i just randomly stick out my tongue and try to watch it, but it makes me cross eyed
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Patent Pending "Cheer Up Emo Kid"

16th May 2003

9:19pm: Gender Bending Produce
i want to be a cucumber... someting about them they're so mysterious not to mention they're like the masters of disguise and can hide themselves in pickle form!

cucumbers are like the boy george of the produce world the fine line between a fruit and a vegetable.

...maybe i don't want to be a cucumber after all
Current Mood: geeky
Current Music: Rx Bandits "Anyone But You"

14th May 2003

9:42pm: Bob
I was having one of those u know... off days. Me and my friend CJ went to the snack machines to get a morsel to munch on during our lunching hour when on the side of the vending machine i saw a sign with clearly written "BOB" and so I was like hey cool one of those personal advertisements... didn't know they allowed those at school. So I go to read it and it says "food, drinks, live music $3 courthouse courtyard 1-5 PM May 17" and I'm thinking woah Bob must be one of those male prostitutes and damn cheap too only three smackaroos man I can't remember prices that cheap for... wow long time haven't been that low since I'd say '72... just kidding. But anyway I'm like cool I wanna go see Bob I wouldn't mind getting some ass I've been independent for awhile I might want some... then it strikes me Bob, B-O-B, Battle Of the Bands and I start yelling at the vending machine telling it its stupid and it should die and stupid Bob the manwhore prostitute. Then Mr. Williamson the teacher that watches the machines to make sure people like me don't come around kicking and yelling at it for advertising the selling of the body told me to calm down.


I drew this cool little flip book comic on the corner of the paper in my World Geography notebook and it was cool this stick figure jumps up and down once then does like this flying dive thing and lands on his head (sound effects of "DOINK") and then he gets up shakes his fist says "Grrr" then does like another flying dive but this time a rock falls down and squishes and kills him... it was pretty cool looking too and the only comment i get is "where does the rock come from it just kindove 'appears' from no where" I mean they're overlooking the great art here!
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Sublime "Caress Me Down"

12th May 2003

9:07pm: The Depressers
How come everyone on here is so sad? Has everyone come upon this thing to bitch about the horribleness of their lives? I mean if everyone is so sad why have decided to share their woes with the online community.

I feel like being fidgety but I'm not. Being fidgety isn't like a super power where you can just be like "come on fidgetedness" and then it comes like SHABAM! and you're all fidgety. Its kindove like a bladder infection, you feel like you need to pee but you can't. I feel like I should be fidgety but I'm not.

Something about the elitest in me doesn't like the single a band puts out but I like that song "the middle" by jimmy eat world, yes I admit it I like the bands first single SHOOT ME ON THE SPOT! I dont' know why I have a problem with other people liking the same thing as me or bands being "corprate" or "selling out" but hey this is a step in the right direction. The 12 Step Program to refrain from being an elitest.
Current Mood: restless
Current Music: Finch "Three Small Words"

10th May 2003

4:08pm: Blah De Blah Blah
Happy Birthday to Hayley.

I've taken 2 erasers from my math teacher ms. wilt. she is my last class of the day and i take her eraser and run around hitting people on the backpack with it and sometimes it takes them awhile to realize i did it then sometimes they get mad. usually though they're like hey ren GET A HOBBY... that is often the high light of my day... bad day, flunk a test, be late to class, nearly miss bus to school, out of clothes (i just realized that list of bad things to happen to u in a day is really out of order) but then at the end of the day its all alright cuz u hit people ont he backpacks with erasers... the simple pleasures in life.

Jay and Silent Bob, Jay's Rap:
Fuck fuck fuck, mother mother fuck, mother mother fuck fuck, mother fuck, mother fuck, noise noise noise, 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4, noise noise noise, smoking weed, smoking weed, doing coke drinking beers, drinking beers beers beers, rollin fatties smokin blunts, who smokes the blunts? we smoke the blunts, rollin blunts then smoking (hey man give me a nickelback) fifteen bucks little man, put that shit in my hand, if that money doesn't show then you owe me, owe me, owe! my jungle love, owie, owie, owe, i think i wanna know ya know ya

Go fourth and become a happy cabbage!

I'm high on Life. Why do you think little mikey liked it so much?
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: Ramones "Rock 'N Roll High School"

3rd May 2003

12:36am: Smurfs and Such
I accidently put the same entry twice WHOOPS!

i have been told i have good ears to lick and that i have bad tasting one well forget the person who says they taste bad

if smurfs had webbed feet and did their heel click they could like levitate or hover or whatever... if i had webbed feet i would most deffinitely wear sandals everyday.

homies say "danga" u know like danger... well its the white pothead man's call "GANJA!"

im just all giddy tonight giddy yes yes giddy. if u say jimbo in a patrick star voice it sounds cool, say it... seriously now say it out loud "Jimbo" in a patrick star voice i know a guy named jimbo i named him jimbo.

me and my friend leeannann are going to rock the nursing home as old people

i want to take a nice innocent overly trusting friend of mine and turn them orange, like feed them nothing but carrots and carrot by products for two weeks and see if they turn orange from the carotine. now in all seriousness... imagine a carrot burrito. little mashed carrots a little flour and u have like a dough for the tortilla then a little mashed carrots and soy which is meat substitute anyway, carrot dressing with vinegar for hot sauce sliced up carrots for lettuce... it could work

That would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. Like you could eat a carrot with an onion ring and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there, and the carrot would say, "It's cool, he's with me."

i wonder why if i buy a donut they give me a receipt. i take a donut u take my 50 cents end of transaction do we really need to waste a tree on this i mean i don't see any real life scenarios where a skeptical friend goes, ren i think its BS u bought a donut and i pull out my receipt and go don't u tell me i didn't buy a donut i have documentation RIGHT HERE! and then i smile and turn to the camera and say "this moment of idiocy but proving u were right was brought to u by ur local dunkin donuts cashier, thanks buddy"

My friend said to me "Man, this weather is trippy." I said to him, "No man, perhaps it is not the weather that is trippy, it is the way we perceive it that is indeed trippy..." then I thought, man, I should have just said, 'yeah...'

i think htat is enough of my wise words for today i'm going over my friend carolinas tonight (its 1 in the morning) so i'll probably write again on monady or something toodles
Current Mood: giddy
Current Music: Unwritten Law "Teenage Suicide"

2nd May 2003

7:38pm: The Monty Python Grammar Lesson
perhaps one of the most interesting words in the english language today is the word fuck out of all the words in the english language that begin with the letter f, fuck is the only word know as the 'f' word. its the one magical words that just by its sound can depict pain pleasure hate and love fuck like most words in the english language is derived from the german word fricken which means to strike in english fuck falls into many gramatical categories as a transitive verb for instand: john fucked shirley. as an intransitive verb: shirley fucks. its meaning is not always sexual it can be used as an adjective as in johns doing all the fucking work. as part of an adverb: shirley talks too fucking much as an adverb enhancing an adjective: shirley is fucking beautiful. as a noun: i don't give a fuck. as part of a word: absofuckinglutely or infuckingcredible. and as almost every word in a sentence fuck the fucking fuckers. and u must realize there aren't so many words with the versatility of fuck as in these examples describing such situations as fraud: i got fucked at the used car lot. dismay: aw fuck it. trouble: i guess i'm really fucked now aggression: don't fuck with me buddy difficutly: i don't understand this fucking question enquirey: who the fuck was that. dissatisfaction: i don't like what the fuck is going on here. inconfidence: he's a fuck off. dismissal: why don't u go outside and play hide and go fuck urself. i'm sure u can think of many more examples with all of these multipurpose applications how can anyone be offended when u use the word? we say use this unique flexible word more often in ur daily speech it will identify the quality of ur character immediately say it loudly and proudly... FUCK YOU!
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