tangled in this beautiful mess' Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
tangled in this beautiful mess

[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]
[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

[13 Dec 2004|08:34am]
[ mood | loved ]
[ music | lit ]

"You are everything
That I never knew
I’ve always wanted
You’re the perfect one
And I don’t expect a thing from you at all
You’re the perfect one
And I can’t even breathe

in silence out loud

[24 Jul 2004|01:29am]
[ music | osker ]


add me!

in silence out loud

"best friend means you get what you deserve" [21 Jun 2004|11:15pm]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | taking back sunday ]

i love how my "friends" talk so much shit about me....

2 sweet nothings |in silence out loud

[03 May 2004|02:26pm]
[ music | something corporate ]

Go to your blurtyjournal archives,
find your 23rd (or closest to it) entry
and paste the 5th sentence (or closest to it) here:

i couldn't go far, but i was fine just being here

in silence out loud

[03 May 2004|02:21pm]
:: and L0ts 0f fricti0n ::
in silence out loud

church? who? what? ....WHY? [25 Apr 2004|08:29pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | lithium -nirvana ]

went to church today.. havent gone in so long.. i went to the 12:30.. only to discover there is no 12:30, only a 12:00... so i stayed the 5 mins left of mass, left, then went back when no one was there, and just sat... and thought... and prayed... i feel like i'm ACTUALLY accomplishing something only when i'm alone.. church is like a cult, and everything is brainwashed and just moves their lips to all these prayers, that they prolly don't even understand. just follow along.. and it drags on, and you feel like your being a good catholic because you memorized these words that you don't even know the meaning to. i don't get it.. personally, i don't agree with church. i don't agree with the way we worship some child molestor on a stage, who we give money to cause we think it's going to charity, when actually, it's going to builing a new god damn teacher's lounge. wtf man?! i don't give a shit if the TEACHERS of a school that i don't even go to are COMFORTABLE.. a school is for god damn TEACHING not for these crazy lunatics to be laying around relaxing... why do they need a TEACHERS LOUNGE?! and why the EFF AM I PAYING FOR IT?! explain that. cuz i'll never understand it.. but in any case, don't think i'm not religious cuz i am.. i'm actuallt extremely religious.. i have enormous faith in god.. he's prolly the only thing i truely believe in and have complete faith in, in this world... just.. i don't think u need to go to a house and worship some random guy that claims to be closer to god, and give money, and memorize meaningless words, and be bored out of ur mind for an hour.... cuz to most ppl, it means nothing.. they just think by going and taking the time out, it's some kind of sacrafice. if ur heart's not in it, it means NOTHING. so i go alone, and actually talk to god. i pray to the guy every night. i have my own faith, and i think i should just go by whats in my heart, and pray, and sacrafice time when i really mean it.. i have nothing to prove to anyone except myself.. and i think thats really all there is to it.

can i get an AMEN?!

5 sweet nothings |in silence out loud

R.I.P 2/16/98 [19 Apr 2004|06:23pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]

dearest angel,
words can't express how much i miss you.. it's been so long. i pray to you every night. can you hear me? it seems like lately i'm all alone, and so i lay awake at night talking to you in my head. i know they're only thoughts, but i can't help but think that somehow they're reaching you..and i hope to god they are. you always said no matter what you'd alway be there for me.. well i need you now.. more than i ever have before. i know it was selfish to have wanted to keep you here, but the feeling of missing someone that you know you will never ever see again, has got to be the worst feeling on earth. i can still hear your voice sometimes, and i could swear you're right next to me. then reality sets in and my daydream leaves me so lonely. you're the only one i've been talking to these days. i wish on everything that you could talk back.. just to say something.. to say anything.. to let me know you really are there, like you promised. if you can see this as i'm typing these words, if you're watching over me, if you hear everything i whisper to you.. please give me some strength to get through all this.. please don't let things get any worse- i fear i'll fall apart. just give me the strength to hold on, and i promise i'll never let go.
love always,
"little princess"

in silence out loud

i've crossed over. [31 Mar 2004|01:04pm]
[ music | alkaline trio ]

GuYs, i MoVeD tO LiVeJoUrNaL
so i won't be updating this much.
here's my LJ

in silence out loud

wish i was greek..just for tonite. [22 Mar 2004|04:13am]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | the rambling men in my ear ]

i'm stuck inside my head. my rambling thoughts won't let me out. i can't even make sense of them anymore. i think they speak to me in greek.. the little men that sit on your shoulder and create thoughts, whispering them into your ear.. sometimes i wish i spoke greek.. so i could talk back to them. so we could start a conversation maybe. maybe they'd tell me why i'm going crazy. why it's 4 in the morning and i'm sitting at the computer. why i have to be up in 3 hours and my fingers are still ticking at these keys. maybe i'd have someone to try and make some sense of me. maybe i could take some of that advice that they keep going on about. i wonder what they're saying. or if they're just making fun of me. well, they're giving me a headache now.

2 sweet nothings |in silence out loud

i'm joinin the crowd. [21 Mar 2004|02:48pm]
[ mood | bored ]

i think i'm moving to livejournal

4 sweet nothings |in silence out loud

[21 Mar 2004|02:40pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | on&on&on- catch22 ]

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates aten
your best quality isyoure hot but modest about it
your worst quality isnothing! youre perfect hun
this is becauseIts who you are
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

in silence out loud

"ps- shut the fuck up" [20 Mar 2004|02:39pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | violence- blink182 ]

why is everyone still giving me i told you so's? i dont' wana think about it- he makes me fucking sick to my stomach.... why does everyone insist on asking me questions when i'm happily erasing each and every memory of him day by day.. leave me the fuck alone, and let me go back to forgetting... i'm sick of ur questions...NO, i haven't talk to that sorry excuse for a human being.. NO, i don't want to hear his fucking discusting voice.. NO, i'm not ignoring him.. it's hard to ignore something that's not there. NO, i haven't seen his pathetic face.. NO, i don't want him back... NO, i don't fucking regret one thing i ever said to him.. NO, i don't believe for one second that any of it was ever real..... AND NO, i don't fucking think he ever thinks about me either.....

2 sweet nothings |in silence out loud

"too blind to know, too dumb to see..." [17 Mar 2004|11:18am]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | sounds of a broken heart- finding westerly ]

dear worst mistake,
last night i lay awake for hours, with our memories filling my head. it was horrible. i couldn't escape it. i almost missed it. i pulled myself together, and and tried to go to sleep. my phone rang at 3 in the morning, and i prayed to god it was you. it wasn't. i don't know why in that moment i prayed to god it was you. i don't know why i wanted to hear your voice, because i don't.. but, i almost picked up my phone to dial your number. i almost wanted to tell you i missed you. i almost couldn't control my tears. i almost picked up my keys to go see you. i almost took your picture out of my garbage pale. i almost forgot you've forgotten all about me. i almost forgot what you've done to me. i almost wanted you back. it almost slipped my mind that i'm nothing to you, and i almost forgot to hate you.

'almost' doesn't count.

in silence out loud

[15 Mar 2004|03:40pm]
[ mood | mellow ]
[ music | chick magnet- mxpx ]

everytime i see the guy with the "bob marley" shirt in the hall at school, i want to talk to him about the abnormal amount of spiderwebs in school.. then i realize, no one wants to talk about the abnormal amount of spiderwebs in school... =/

in silence out loud

falling fast, moving slow. [11 Mar 2004|08:31pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | the ground folds- senses fail ]

i'm stuck in regrets
and living in appologies.
so worried about the future,
i can't step away from the past.
it gives me nightmares.
they don't seem to go away
..the misery that haunts me..
but i want to much
to leave it all behind,
to feel like myself again,
to feel genuinly happy
and i'm trying, and i'm fighting,
but when i close my eyes
the reoccuring images terrify me.
i try to fight them away..
to punch and kick my fears,
but i only awake to twisted sheets
and realize i'm battling myself
..getting nowhere..
these bruises as my wittness,
i did this to myself.
arguements in my head
the screaming lingers in my ears
long after my thoughts disappear.
i fear i'm going deaf.
just when i feel i can't take it anymore,
those long periods of silence take over
..where everything goes blank
my mind, body, thoughts....
the ringing of :nothing: drives me crazy.
the silence will soon get the best of me
and my ears will bleed me to death.
i'll surrender to my thoughts, and nightmares
...just take me away from my past...

in silence out loud

then our lips met [08 Mar 2004|04:18pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]
[ music | love soon- john mayer ]

intertwined fingers
remind me why this smile's on my face,
and why laughter never sounded so loud.
laying in your arms
takes me to a place where hurt doesn't exhist..
where second chances are what makes life worth it.
tangled in these sheets
untangles my mind- from the mess 'he' left me in.
your bare skin touching mine
tells me you're not going anywhere.
it makes me want to start believing again.
and when our lips meet...
i want to believe every word you tell me
i want to erase my mind and start over with you
i want to forget my past to give it all to you
i want to let go of the hurt
cuz when i'm with you, i'm able to do all of that
but then the hurt comes back
and i'm reminded of it all, every day
i'm sorry, but i'll never be the same
i only wish you'd understand
and try anyway..
3 sweet nothings |in silence out loud

sing from the heart. [05 Mar 2004|05:36pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]
[ music | i miss you- incubus ]

remember when you'd pickup your guitar and play for me?
..i could die with the sound of your voice
remember the song you wrote for me?
..i'd do anything to hear it right now..
in silence out loud

you smell. =D [04 Mar 2004|09:32am]
[ mood | amused ]

HAHAHAHAHAAA!!!! i think we should ALL gather around the computer and spend our time making annonymous comments in VaRiOuS people's journals........... just stop readinggg.... it's that simple.. really, it is......... do something better with ur time! ;)

in silence out loud

fuck you, journal!! [02 Mar 2004|09:45am]
[ mood | frustrated ]
[ music | damnit- blink182 ]

damn you journal.. DAMN YOU TO HELL......

i want a gray and pink star as my background...
anyone send me one?!?! PLEASE?!!! i'd love
you forever! =) i'm trying to redo my journal
and make it prettier! i'm trying all these fun
creative things, but they all look like shit... post
some ideassss pleeeaase?! =)

i hate you journal =( u meanie..
make urself pretty god damnit

4 sweet nothings |in silence out loud

stuck. [01 Mar 2004|04:49pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]
[ music | my immortal- evanescence ]

trapped in everything
that you left me with.
empty and completely lost.
i called out to you,
did you hear me?
i was screaming so loud
but you'll never hear me..
you're too wrapped up
in everything that avoids me
to even turn around
for one second,
to see if i'm okay.
you're too concerned with
where i'm not
to realize i never moved.
i'm still where you left me.
i'm scared to move,
i'm terrified to feel..
worried about what'll happen next..
how can it get worse?
especially if i don't give anything a chance
not letting it get worse
means not letting it get better.....
now i keep everything away
in fear pf what might happed next.
mistrust in the future,
remorse on the past.....
although i'll never forgive you
for what i've been through, lost,
and how you've left me...
..i know i'll never forget you..

in silence out loud

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