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6th June 2004
Ha, and there's a hole in it. hmmm
HA and here's an entry 6 months later :) :
I'm just incredibly bored. I didn't go to church today so I have some extra time on this fine Sunday morning!
Dallas is good- right now I love it too much because I can use my new computer- wireless internet provided by the city. How freakin sweet is that? I've met quite a few cool people that I work with- I met this great guy who is wonderfully sweet, great southern boy, right? NO!! He is from Missouri- ha! how does that work.y
Well doesn't matter, as sad as it might be, I refuse to get romantically involved with anyone while I'm here... why bother when I am leaving in a couple months?? Although I did start talking to or whatever two guys right before I moved down here. I wish I hadn't though. One of them I wouldn't mind dating, but now it's no good... I need a date for Krista's wedding!
I really miss Jessi and Amber. A lot. We had so much fun, Jessi and I, at the lake before I left. It's nice to be the hottest girls at a place and have all your drinks paid for. Plus, guys that have jobs and drive Audis are keepers, right Jess? Ha despite their age... :) But I will be back in MO soon enough... and maybe even spending a week in Michigan- we will see about that though. A week in Michigan with lovely Dan, or a week at the lake- nights on the pontoon- free drinks at the bars- hot guys swarming all over-jetskis and wakeboarding- Oh and back in Columbia- who knows maybe I will talk to Ryan again.
But I'm happy here now, I'll be so happpy to go home. I am almost pee-in-my-pants excited to decorate my new room. I can barely wait. Despite who lives close by- life will be wonderful. My roommate is great, my little(not so little, really) townhouse is great and if I never see the black mustang parked near me, even better! My friends are great. Life is wonderful.
It's good to be me. I wouldn't want to be any one else. Thank you. I have to eat now. I am famished.
Did I mention I've already lost 2 lbs (i know, not that much, but hey im not that big!) and toned down my stomach? I am going to be pretty damn hot when i move back to MO. But hey, Texas can do that to ya!
Current Music: In this skin. (still love jessica)
2nd January 2004
Goin to the Chapel...
Oh what a lot has happened! We just got back from Texas a few days ago. It was good. It was really good. I got to play at the beach and go shopping at huge malls and learn more about my heritage. I finally got to go see the Alamo. It wasn't what I thought it was, but it was still so good to see. I went on the Riverwalk which was absolutely beautiful. I miss Texas. I miss my family and the weather and the rich culture. I spent soo much money...but I got so much cool stuff. I'd just like to mention my great new angora sweater from bebe. It is my new favorite thing to wear. I cannot get to my mail so I can pay my bills which sucks, since some of them do not take payments at the stores... that is a lot of places to call and get addresses for! On the supposed to be-last night of our trip, some drunk kid ran his eclipse into my uncle's truck, my mom's car and then flipped it upside down at about 2 am. Talk about a fiasco. I met my aunt Tracy's newest boy. He is 5 and his an adorable boy. The greatest 5 year old I know, in fact. Tracy came over and was like Adam came up to me and said, "Momma, my sister-cousin is beautiful. Her hair is beautiful and her face." I thought that that was so cute, his sister-cousin, lol. My dad's other sister, Tammy has pretty cool kids too. :
When I was in Dallas, I went out with my cousin, Dana, and we went to this movie theatre that serves dinner while you watch a movie. They also serve margaritas and beer, etc. It was pretty damn cool. PS, don't waste your money on seeing Cold Mountain. Wait for the video. Great acting, great plot, etc, until the end. The end sucked just way too much.
Jason, whom I saw before I left, called me on Christmas to wish me a merry Christmas. I was so shocked. I was like is this the same Jason I know??
I spent the day with Michelle yesterday and that was great; I missed her. And my friend Crystal got married today so we had a pseudo-bachelorette party. Everything was closed, so we had to go to Club Drink. It was allright I suppose. Gosh, I will be so glad to get back to Coumbia. That is my home. My bestest friends are there, my amazing job is there... my life is there. I am so excited about my new friend Breann. She is one of the coolest girls I have ever met. Plus that gorgeous boy Dallas is somewhere there. He sure was yummy.
So David comes back to the states soon. That will be nice, and I promised Mike (the hot hot hot football player from SMS that I met at Hooters) that I would come and see him when he gets back from New York. Soooo looks like I will have to come back to the 417 for a couple more days before I return to classes.
Oh. I move into the sorority house on the 18th. That could be an interesting experience. Ashley is living with my old friend Amber. So glad I am talking to her again.
I went with Krissy to WIC the other day. It was so disheartening to see all the poor families there. It was so sad. There was a girl there with a 3 year old who couldnt have been more than 17 herself. Yikes.
I am playing with the idea of living in Plano this summer with my grandarents. I could get an internship and work at the Hooters down there and make tons of money. It sounds like such a good idea!
So my new year looks like it is starting out pretty good... except, Teresa is married, Crystal is now married, Krissy is pregnant... But it was soo good to go out with Teresa and Crystal and to see Krissy. I missed those girls like crazy.
Ok, well I am exhausted after last night, and I am getting ready to go see LOR with Michelle. Ciao!!
Current Music: Shake that Ass
8th December 2003
Sizzle Sizzle Sizzle...
You're Most Like The Season Summer ...
Whoa.... Passionate eh ?? Typically you're a fiery,
zesty dominant person. As the hottest season,
you certainly ooze Sex appeal. You have
confidence which draws people to you, and you
have the makings of a good leader.
However sometimes your exterior is stronger then
you are and so you scare people off before they
can get close.
Well done... You're the most memorable of seasons
:) ?? Which Season Are You ?? brought to you by Quizilla
Current Music: Summer Lovin
7th December 2003
Fall into the Gap...
I just got home from work. I love my job. I don't know why. I guess having seniority over most of the people working there is good. Plus my manager favors me so that never hurts. But it makes me wonder what I am going to end up doing with the rest of my life. I am in this program that sets qualified students up with different companies in STL, KC, and some in Columbia. My advisor says that a lot of people get internships this way, so... I think that this is a good step. :
We had our walkout Saturday night and oh well it was allright. I didn't drink, but a lot of the other girls did. A couple of them got retarded drunk which is I didn't think was neccassary. but whatever. we learned some funny songs, but it sucks because I cannot repeat them to anyone who isn't AX.
Our formal was Friday night. Josh came up from Springfield... he left at like 9 the next morning because he had to work, but I am glad he came.
My back has ben hurting a lot lately. I think I am going to go to the chiropractor... I am kinda hesitant about doing that though.
I saw the show Extreme Makeover for the first time. I thought about going on there and Ash and I were feeling kinda silly so we printed off the application and I was filling it out and some guys that we know stopped by to say hello and ribbed me about doing it. They said I didn't have anything that needed to be fixed..which was sweet :) but I know some things could be better.
I have been talking to Jaci lately, and I am so glad. I dunno what really happened, we kinda just stopped talking. But we talk now, and I am really happy. She was such an awesome person. She lives in Florida now, which is far away. I don't think I am going to go see Dan in Michigan which is also far away. It just makes us both hurt and there is no need for that.
Well Ashley is going to bed, so I guess I am going to go there too. I have been kind of out of it since I got home. Dawdy dah... :) gross to them.
P.S. We are going to the Independence Bowl. Hello Shreveport.
Current Music: Miss Suzie Had a Steamboat (with slightly different words)
30th November 2003
Bang Boom Boom
My roommate is beginning to wear at my nerves. She bitches about some of the stupidest shit and then makes a big deal out of it. I JUST WANT TO SCREAM....sometimes. Usually we get along so welll... I think we have just been together so much....What sucks, is even after I move out of the stupid dorm, I will still be living with at least one other girl in the same room. In a year, I will be quite glad to have my own place. I am not sure if I will live with Sarah and Tonya or what. I really want to spend some time in Florida this summer though. :
Today was pretty uneventful. Looked at dresses for formal on Friday... and I worked. It is nice to be at my own computer again. It was hard to access my journal at Colin's because I think he had a virus. So his computer was being stupid. And it was hard to post in Jen's as well. Actually it was impossible. I hope my computer doesn't get what he had, but due to it being a mac, I don't think it can because I haven't gotten any other viruses. I am glad that Amber and I started talking again. We kinda drifted apart after Dan left. Well I am going to finish unpacking and doing some glad-to-be-back-home stuff.
P.S. I love border collies :) lol ha Janell.
Current Music: Sittin in a peppermint tree.
28th November 2003
The Long Road...
Well we just returned from Springfield. I am so tired of being in a car. Eh. I went out with my friend Tyson from my old job on Wednesday and I found out that it is free beer for girls on Wednesday night at Cowboys. Good. The club was on a one-on, one-out wait. It was unusual for me, although I am used to some of the bars doing it here, I had never seen a club in springfield do that. Had we joined the line at the end, I don't think we would have gotten in, but I saw some people I knew and wiggled my way to the front with Tyson in tow. I realize yet again why I do not go to clubs with just guys. It isn't near as fun, but I hadn't seen him in a while, so it was nice. I saw some girls from my house, and it was a nice surprise. We made plans to go out when we got back to school, once K got her new identification card. :
Thanksgiving was allright. Spent it with the fam. Nothing exciting. Turkey stuffing green beans....great. I am very excited for Christmas. We are having a girls-only gift exchange with Sarah, Tonya, Emily...those girls. It's kind of sad that Vanessa will not be there. We haven't really seen much of her though... She's been so busy with her house stuff. I'm looking forward to the party and the "Christmas" type drinks. Even though we agreed on just getting the person whose name we drew a present, I think I am going to get everyone something. It just seems appropriate.
I am almost tempted to move my live journal again... because I really don't want some of the people who nose into it to read it. But it is too much of a pain in my ass to do so. Perhaps everyone will get bored of reading my life, and I can write what I wish. There's probably a way to make is where only myself and my select friends can read it. I'll look into that. I am not in the mood to right much more at this time anyway. Except just a few comments on other people. One, Joe's grandpa had a heart attack. That sucks a lot and I am praying for him, I hope he gets better. Two, Michelle wants to move to Columbia! This makes me really excited... It would be great to have her so close as I miss her terribly. Teresa is married and moved back to Arkansas. I find this so strange. But as long as she is happy, that is all that matters. Crystal is having a horrible time with guys and I feel so bad for her. She has her kids though...maybe that is a part of the problem. Guys are dumb like that until they're like 50. David is coming back in about a month!! I am very excited to see him. I always have a good time with the boy. Ashley wants to stay in COMO through the summer... So if I don't intern in STL and live with Leslie, then I might stay with Ash here and further my training at my job.
It really sucks that I have to be 21 to travel with my job and do new store openings. I was talking to some of the other corporate trainers and they were saying how some guy managed to do it and he wasn't 21. He got in trouble though. It would be nice to see Matt again... I think he might be coming to open the Jeff City store, so I can see him then. But how cool would it be to travel and see different parts of the country...for free. Wait, get paid to do it! Oh I get to get a new car. then I will have two. All my own. Plus my insurance agent is going to give me something that waives the sales tax on the new one. ( Men are such simple creatures... so easily tempted by members of the female persuasion) Anyways I think I am going to take myself to a nap.
Current Music: Cold as Ice (it is freezing in here!)
26th November 2003
When i was a little girl
I learned this song: :
Jesus Loves the little children.
All the Children of the world,
Red and Yellow
Black and white,
They are precious in his sight,
Jesus loves the little children.
I thought they meant kids. He just loves the little kids, but maybe that isn't what it means. It means everyone. I hope because I don't think very many people deserve to go to hell. Maybe a few that I know, and a few more that I don't...but not very many.
25th November 2003
Tomato Cream Cheese?
What an eventful weekend. First, we will start with me doing poorly on an exam... just bring out the water works and the teacher pads the grade a little. Maybe I should feel guilty, however, it isn't pertinent to my major, it would just bring my GPA down. Nobody got hurt. However the next thing that happened wasn't so great. Driving down Broadway. Boom. And my car is totalled. I think that this is a training experience from God. Not sure what he wants me to learn. I have learned however, that the friends I have will do anything for me. I do have amazing friends. My roommate is great, my group of girl friends is amazing, and all the boys are pretty good too. :) :
Since my car is uhm out of commission for awhile, I rode home with Ashley and met her friends and family. I went to Bolivar Elementary when I was younger, and I was quite surprised by all the people that recognized me. That night we also went to some Drury party. I was shocked by how un-fraternity the fraternities are. Sure they're nice, but they aren't like our wonderful houses at MU. haha. I also saw some boys I went to High School with. Yawn. They are still doing the same thing as always.
Ashley's family is great. She has a younger sister and brother. The sister is an amazing athlete, and already being scouted by top basketball coaches across the country. Being only a junior, this is great for her. The brother might go to MU. He is a sportsy guy too. The whole family is quite athletic and they are a very attractive family. They are good people and nothing they do is just for show. Their house is amazing as well, and reminded me of when I lived in Bolivar. Only more kids live there.
Now, I am housesitting for Colin and I spent the whole day cleaning yesterday. I like to clean, I realized, and now the kitchen and bathrooms are sparkly clean and lemony fresh. Although I do have to say this place wasn't nearly as disgusting as the house on cottage road this summer. These boys actually throw away old food and take out the trash. But to each their own.
I still love my job. My managers are great and one offered to loan me his car, lol. I am training Mindy next week and I am very excited. She is such a sweet girl. Mindy is my ol dear pal Ryan's lady friend, I guess you could call her. I haven't talked to Ryan for quite some time. Wonder how he is.
Well I am going to go read a bit and do some things. Adieu.
Current Music: Last Dance With Mary Jane
19th November 2003
Just got done watching the bachelor and I have never been so caught up in one of those stupid shows. The girl I wanted did not get picked, and I was genuinely upset. I dunno why, lol. Oh well. I just found out my best friend in the world is pregnant and it was such a shock. My best friend who I drink with and pick up guys and have kissing contests at clubs with...pregnant.... I had to sit down for the news. It really hit me hard, so I can only imagine how she feels. Yikes. :
So Jessica is finally getting what she deserves. As horrible as that sounds.... Krissy is moving out and I think Jessica's parents are realizing how badly they screwed up in the rearing of their daughter. As they still have my clothing, my shoes, and a lot of my other stuff that I would like back. Karma is all I can say about that.
So every once in a while I get worried about my future. What if I am one of these 35 year old women who doesn't have a husband? I think I would be so utterly depressed. My mom was already married and pregnant by this time. And of course, that isn't what I want right now, but I would like to have a boyfriend who I can curl up with at night.
I have to go to Iowa with Curt, that marine boy, this weekend. I really don't want to... Then next week I have a date-date with Josh. and I am entertaining the idea of going to michigan for a week to see Dan...I'm just afraid that I am going to leave with a broken heart having to walk away from him again.
I am kind of excited to go to Texas over Christmas and get spoiled by grandparents :)
I am happy in my life right now. I am able to pay all my bills, I love my job, I am starting to like my sorority a little more. Other than a horrible experience with Greek Week serenades, but we aren't met to love everyone...some we must merely tolerate. I am making new friends, and I think something that makes me very much happier...is the fact that I have moved past Robert*. I do believe I have truly gotten past that whole thing. I threw out the rose he gave me...
David emails me. Quite often...sweet sweet emails that really help my self esteem. He will be here over Christmas break. Maybe I will see him, but hopefully, I will be in Michigan for a week :)
Well I have to get to studying for my stat test.
2nd November 2003
Listen to the music and Celibate....
What to be for halloween? I had no idea. I entertained many ideas, including a Hootergirl (original, I know), a nurse, Brittany, Christina...I ended up with a Christina-type costume. The world's smallest white pants and a shirt that could've doubled as a dress for barbie. We planned all week on going to the party at Midway with all the KAs, Betas, and 7 other houses. I had fully prepared myself to see Robert getting on random girls, so i was ready for that. We meet a friend of mine at his house, and of course Robert was there. As was his girlfriend! WHAT?? That was something I wasn't really ready to hear. In 9 months of being friends, he has had a girlfriend and never once said so. In fact, there were times he hinted that he didn't have one. I was completely thrown aback. I know that I said i wouldn't want to date him now, blah blah blah. I didn't expect him to have a girlfriend.I kind of wondered sometimes but still. Well she said they are "taking a break." But she said nothing has changed. She is beautiful and little bitty and sweet. I am done with Robert now. I guess he was just an infactuation anyways. I have decided that I am taking a break from guys. I think I really just need time to find out who I am and what I want for me, without the mess of guys. I miss my friends and I miss how I used to be my best friend. I was reading back in my old live journal some of the stuff I had written and I wrote some really good stuff. I used to be contemplative and funny and now I am so stressed out from everything I am just blah. I don't know if the sorority thing is worth the stress and time commitment at all. It is really expensive and I dunno. I just wish I knew what the right thing to do is. Well I need to get ready for work, I will write more later. :
PS. I didn't forget the R.
Current Music: "Somebody else's lover"
30th October 2003
The truth be known....
I was supposed to register for classes a long time ago, but due in part to being sick, part to being lazy, and part crazy night at Cody's, I just got around to it today. I figured it wouldn't be a problem since most of my classes are upper level. However, none of the classes I want to take are available, so I have to go to each department and get overrides. How fair is it that freshman register before me, and I am junior standing? There's something shady going on here. :
I am watching this show on MTV called One Bad Trip. This chic is spying on her fiancee's bachelor party with the help of MTV. I don't know how I feel about that. I think it is kind of sneaky. I don't know if I would want to do that. I mean yeah, I would want to know if my fiancee was cheating on me, but I guess as long as he wasn't doing anything bad (i.e. no kissing or licking, etc) then I wouldn't care. Boys will be boys.
Even though I thought Jessica Simpson was a complete idiot after watching The Newlyweds, after seeing her new video, I think I have changed my opinion. yeah she said some things that made her look like a moron, but everyone does that. I think MTV just kind of made her look stupider than she really was. Her new video is so cute, and the fact that she can make fun of herself in front of America really says a lot about her. Her video makes me want to fall in love :)
Which brings me to "Robert." Yeah, I know, that guy again. He drives me absolutely crazy. Ashley thinks I can do better, but something about him just errr I dunno. When he smiles or wrinkles his nose, I just want to snatch him up and take him away. Todd says maybe he's gay, lol. I could see that, but nah, I can't marry a gay guy. His house had a party at their annex last Saturday that we went to and of course I saw him and we talked and I dunno. I dunno if things will ever happen between us, but as far as I am concerned, he is absolutely perfect. Yeah...he isn't as hot as Heath (wow, it's been awile since we've heard that name). Heath, and as good of a dancer Robert is, I am guessing he can't compare to Heath in that aspect. Heath was my guilty pleasure, my hot dancing partner....mmmm nothing but fond memories there. And I dance with Robb at the party Saturday.... I think he got the wrong idea about us dancing together, and said he felt like he was doing something wrong because that was his two year anniversary with his girlfriend and she wasn't there. I was just dancing with a hot guy, I had no plans to take him to the back and ravish him. I know he has a girlfriend, but I can still think he is beautiful.
Oh and I saw Chad a few days ago. It was nice. We really did have a good time together when we were together and I hope that we can be friends again. Well I have to get ready for work and clean this room. Ciao.
24th October 2003
I have been in training every day this week for my new job. It is also homecoming week and so alot of stuff has been going on. I have gone over to the lambda chi house every night after work to pomp. After this week, it will all be over with though. I think it will be a little bit sad. I am just now getting to know some of the guys and I really enjoy their company. I like playing Halo until 4 in the morning even when I have a 9am the next day. I realized that sometimes you can like someone who you would never think to be your "type" just as much as someone who is. :
I am really excited about my new job. I feel like it is going to be a lot of fun, plus I work with some really cool people. Although the guy to girl ration is about 1:6. lately, every day I have been breaking out in weird hive like bumps. it is kind of stressing me out. and stress might be the cause of them, according to mom. So that is a little bit of a neverending mess. They itch me and I am running out of Benydryl.... I don't feel like I have that much stress.
Well i didn't have stress until about 10 minutes ago. Curt called me. Oh my. Curt is a boy I met last year, a little after Thanksgiving, right before Christmas break, during one of the "breaks" Chad and I had. He got deployed earlier this year. Right after he sent me roses on Valentines Day from North Carolina and told me he was in love with me. Curt wrote me long letters talking about how scared he was that he would never get to come home to see me, how he was terrified I was going to meet someone and have a boyfriend when he came home. I like Curt, I really do, but I don't understand. We were never together, we hung out for like 2 days when he came to visit Katie, hell we didn't even have sex. He lives in a different state. I tried that with my favorite boy, Dan, that didn't work. He treats me like I am the love of his life though.... I dunno what to do. I am supposed to go with him to Iowa for a family reunion party they are having. I don't know what to do. I don't want a boyfriend who is so far away from me. I like having a guy here and close that I can go see when I want. I like cooking dinner and buying presents and spending the night...Errr.... But I can't hurt him.
I skipped all of my classes today. I don't know why, I was going to study, but I just slept all day. I saw "Robert" yesterday. I felt quite proud that I was able to walk by him and not stop and talk to him. It was really hard for me to ignore him because, well we know why. Its robert.... and I just want to kidnap him and move to the Canary Islands. But I have to move on because he isn't any good for me. So I was strong.
Well I have a statistics test tomorrow, so I am headed to bed.
Current Music: Happy Girl
18th October 2003
We've got spirit, yes we do....
I just returned from tracing and cutting four million spirit sticks What a tedious chore. While we were doing this, we were watching my best friend's wedding, a movie that I hate. However, it made me do so much thinking. It reminded me of a pact I made with, well more than one, of my guy friends. If we're not married by the time we are....then we'll marry each other. Hmmm... which makes me think of a friend of mine I had last year. I think he is absolutely wonderful. He is the perfect guy, he's funny, he's smart, he treats girls great... I don't know why I never felt anything besides friendly feelings for him. But I do miss him horribly every time he gets a girlfriend and she takes up all of his time... He was the one who hugged me and told me everything would be okay last year when Grant did what he did. He was always full of insightful advice and something nice to say. :
And I have been cleaning. I am having a debate on whether or not to throw out the rose "Robert" gave me. I never keep flowers. They die. This one is definitely dead. It just hangs there in my closet, and brings a smile to my face when I see it. It has done so for the last month and a half or so. Why does he torment me so? It's funny when an ad pops up and it says "Find your soulmate!" This illicits jokes and comments towards me from my oh so dear friends telling me I have found mine. I used to jokingly call "Robert" my soulmate as he is the perfect guy for me. I no longer call him this because I had to break it off. It was an unhealthy relationship as he didn't know I thought he was better than a friend. Plus, I'm a little young to worry about such things.
I got a strange phone call last night. From a guy I used to work with when I worked in Hell. He called to tell me how much he missed me and he wanted to come over because the thought of never seeing me again made him sad. I'm sure he was quite drunk, and it wouldn't have surprised me if he was aiming it towards a booty-call call, but sadly I had to turn him down. Sometimes people call at the wrong time. Thinking back, this is better. He might be fun for a night or two, or even a situation like Jason, but he isn't someone I would want in my likfe now. He is a great guy to hang out with but.....
Jason... what a guy. I am getting to the point with him, where he no longer makes me mad. I do feel sorry for him. Someday he is going to wake up and wonder what went wrong in his life. Not to mention the children he might have. It's hard to see the girl he dated in my house because she hates me. It isn't like I meant to break them up. I didn't know he had been seeing anyone. Oh and seeing her today, she talked about Mark. Funny. Same Mark who calls me. Maybe I need to go back to dating people from home. Guys that noone here knows. Errrrr....
Well I have to get to the mall to get some jeans for work and study for my tests this week and pomp and.... More later as the story develops.
17th October 2003
Somewhere over the rainbow.
: Are You HOT or NOT?
Ha, so this is what I do when I'm bored. I like being able to go back and change journal entries. I'm quite fickle, so it's nice to be able to go back if i decide I don't want to say something in here. I talked to a girl today at my new job who knows Chad. We talked for awhile about him, and it was nice. It was nice to be able to think of him and think of how much fun we had when we were together, and not have any sort of bitterness.
Ok, I saw a couple of Jeff's friends yesterday between classes. We were talking and then one of them, Evan, wanted to look at my pictures from their camping camo thing. He kept making comments on "how cute Jeff and i looked." And other things like that, including chemistry and the future we have together. I don't understand that at all. If he was being mean, why? I can't think of any reason unless he really is just an ass. But I know he couldn't have been being serious because Jeff hates me. I don't know why. I never wanted a serious relationship from him. I just thought we would have fun hanging out. Not anything to write home about, but a lot of fun. I thought he had awesome friend potential. But damn he makes me mad. I hate when people do that. Don't want to talk to me, but don't really give me a reason why. What a mean boy. Why wouldn't he want to talk to me? I'm a great girl.
I talked to my dad today and as always he asked about "all my boyfriends," and I told him about my troubles lately, leaving out of course, details. I told him how Jeff said I was overwhelming. My dad said well Cris, “you are very intense in that when you want something or you want to know something you want to know it or get it right then and you don't stop until you do.” And he told me i should just stop being overwhelming, but don't be underwhelming either. Underwhelming? He said boys want to do things that are easy and feel good...damn boys. My dad is a strange guy. But maybe he's right. I should treat all boys like I treat Mark and Glenn. Mark called me tonight, but oops i was busy. So he left a message saying “hi Cristy, it’s Mark. Uhm, I just wanted to make sure I could call you at this number and uhm ok well I will talk to you later.” Cute that he asked permission to call me. I really like gentlemanly guys. Ok well I have to cut this short, because I have to get going. Ciao!
Out of a blue clear sky.
Ashley has been super sick. Sicker than me, in fact. So last night she was up most of the night, which caused me to be up as well because I was worried about her. Of course this caused me to look oh so lovely this morning. I'm sitting in Cornell doing some accounting homework, well attempting to, but I keep zoning out. As I am sitting there, staring off into space, two people come into my field of vision. One waves and it doesnt register, so he waves again. And then again, finally I focus on him and realize who it is. Robb. (not to be confused with "Robert", who I am currently upset with.) Robb is this guy who I used to be in AKPsi (which is a horrible organization that I don't suggest anyone to join) with. He is absolutely gorgeous. I see him on occasion and we exchange hellos, and chitchat, and that is usually the end of it. From what I remembered last year, he had a girlfriend. I don't give him much thought. Seeing him this morning reminded me of an incident that happened at the football game where MU kicked Nebraska's ass. His block of seating is right below ours, so when he would walk up and past us, I would see him. However, game day is a little different than usual where he walks by we hug and say hi and he continues on his way. This time he grabs me, squeezes me and kisses me. Whoa....Talk about an adrenaline rush. Not a big kiss just a little one. So maybe I will go out with him tonight... I dunno, probably not. He's absolutely gorgeous, and smart and has a great personality...but I like to have a 14 year old girl crush on him. It's kind of nice and relaxing. Well time to get to Stat class.
16th October 2003
Good Morning Beautiful
So it is 7am here, and I am awake. My sleeping habits have been wacky lately, probably because I have been sick. It feels like a sauna in this damn place, but if we turn the heater off, we sweat. Jeff just left me a message, "thanks for the shitty writeup in the journal." I don't think I said anything so terribly bad about him. He told me I am overwhelming and didn't want to talk to me. I thought he was a nice guy, and was excited about being friends with him. Plus he put my numbers up. Errrr, he made me feel bad, and I hate that. It sucks, because being female, I am plagued with the desire to "talk about it." Meaning talk about any and every thing that might upset me, delight me, piss me off...you get the picture. However, our male counterparts don't feel the same way. Girls need closure. If we do something wrong, we have this aching need to find out what. But guys on the other hand, would rather cop out. They might quit calling, or come up with some other stupid excuse. That drives me insane. Jason drove me insane. Had I liked him, I probably would have to take an array of colored pills and lay on a chaise lounge twice a week. Nah, I've learned that you cannot let guys get that close. I haven't met one worth it, so I don't see the point in letting me get hurt. 6 months. It had been 6 months since I have truly cared about a guy. Such a long time. I used to be one of those girls who swooned easy,, but after heartaches and hell, I learned my lesson. So back to Jeff. What did I say about him that was mean? NO. He's the one that doesn't want to talk to me anymore. He's the one who made me think he wanted to be friends. I thought he had a great personality, he was fun to hang out with... but then he doesn't even want to talk to me anymore. Being such a social person, that was a hard blow. PLUS, drunk Cristy made some mistakes with him. I hate that. But he doesn't care. He's a typical guy, I have yet to be proven wrong. He got what he wanted. So... I dunno. I do have wallpaper of Robert on my computer. That makes me feel better. Well I do believe I am going to try to go back to sleep.
15th October 2003
Today is a day....
So I am going to try to write much, and write often. It really helps me to clear my head. I had to change where I wrote because the last journal I had was under my ex roommates sister's name and...well that's a long story in itself. :
I have so many things going on in my life...and so many thoughts all jumbled up in my head.
My school life is not going as well as I would want it to. My grades were good last year. This year... not so awesome. I don't know why. I guess I should really start thinking about whether or not I want to be in business school. It's hard to consider the other options because giving up 15000 free money would not be an easy thing to do. So I go to math clas after math class after math class....not really understanding much, but trying to figure it out.
My home life is great. Both here home, and parents home. I love living away from my parents because I get along with them so much better. Sometimes I miss the lake, and I miss all the fun times I had in boats with my friends...Mike, and Thomas, and Curt and Mallory. Those are people I really miss. I also miss the friends back home I made over the summer. Working at Hooters was so much fun and those girls were really great. My home here is not so bad either. My roommate couldn't be much better. She's funny, and she's smart and she's pretty, lol I sound like I want to date her, but I just think shes great.
Social life- I joined a sorority this semester, and thus far it isn't going too bad. It was a hard thing to do as a sophomore, and I had a lot of let downs, but I put my trust in God, that he knows what he's doing. I don't seem to have as much time as I'd like for my friends from last year, namely Sarah, Tonya, Elizabeth, and Emily, and I really miss those girls. I go out to clubs and bars a lot more. I got a job at a new restaurant opening up here, Longhorn Steakhouse. I really got the job because of my ties at Hooters. Funny how things work out like that. There seem to be some really fun people there, and I think I'm really going to love my job.
Love life...ahhh my love life. I do believe this would be the longest section as I have the most stress coming from this area of my life. I really do not know why. It should be short...and well ok so it's not. I'm not so sure where exactly to start. Hmm, let's go back to last semester. Chad. Ehh... One of my first relationships where I dated someone without ever really "caring" about him. That was wrong. After we broke up for the final time, I decided that on spring break I would meet lots of guys, make out with lots of guys, and not think about it when I came home. Did it happen that way? Of course not. That's not how Cristyworld spins. Dan came along. Who would've thought that 2 days on spring break, a month on the phone, and a 4 day visit could throw me into a crazy loop? I'm not saying I was in love with boy...but if I could pick who came closest, it would definitely be him. I can't even say why. He had blue eyes, not brown. He drank and he cussed a lot, and he was just about wonderful. I suppose we just clicked, and that was the end of that. I miss him even to this day. I don't think I ever will forget him, but he sure got in the way this summer. Things couldn't work out with Ben, or Nate, or with any of the guys I dated this summer. We will skip the insignificant ones.
Ben, wow. I never thought a guy could be too clingy, but after 2 dates, he wanted me to meet his mother. He wanted a serious relationship, and whoa, I have my whole life for a serious relationship. He told me was ready to settle down and get married. Oh hi, I'm your youth, we just met, we don't get married! But of course he waited a month and we started talking again, until Jason messed this one up.
Justin. My high school crush....calls me, wants me, after, AFTER my infatuation is over, but that is how it always is. No matter what. we still had a good time, however I realized that he wasn't as amazing as I thought him to be.
Jason. ugh. What a stud, what a hero, yay for the football player. No. Not at all. He wasn't that great....in any aspect. Not boyfriend material. He really pissed me off. Wild, crazy sex, a lot of fun, I'll admit. But, a liar. I hate when guys have to lie. Just don't do it. AArggghhh. I come back to school, see Jason once or twice and no longer are we "close".
So we meet Blake, while at Scott's frat's party. Bad idea Cristy. But I enjoyed his company...and now I no longer speak with Scott. I don't call Blake, so of course he calls me still.
Fiji Island, I meet the greatest guy. Well, I think so, in my drunken stupor. We laugh, we drink, we kiss. I walk away, looking for my friends, he gets mad, no longer wants to talk to me. For some strange reason, him doing this makes me bawl my eyes out when I bump into Julie. Why? I couldn't tell you. I never get emotional when I drink. So I get on the bus, meet some cute lacrosse player...he has to go home because of practice in the morning. Then Ashley and CJ decide to send Ryan over. Another reason Scott and I do not talk.
So this brings me to Jeff. Oh my. I needed a hayride date. He seemed ok. I met him at our philanthropy football game, he was kinda cute, and in my accounting class. He said yes. Then he invited me to his date party thing the night after my hayride. PS my hayride was on my birthday. As far as I was concerned, we had a good time both nights. Our personalities went fine together, we had fun. I did do some things I regret. I was drunk, I need to stop with the alcohol. Well I don't really understand Jeff. Apparently, I talked to him too much. Hmm.... I never called him. I said HI on AOL IMer, but whoa that's too much. I think in guy-land, this meant I wanted to marry him. NO. I don't think I would even date the guy, but I liked hanging out with him. i think he coulda been a good friend. I don't really know what is going on with that one. According to various sources, he has said some pretty nasty things about me. Why?
His actions made me think, well maybe guys like girls to be mean. So Ashley and Cristy go out after MU's victory over Nebraske, and might I add, what an awesome game! We walk downtown, we go to a bar, I'm pretty tipsy by now and would usually be checking out guys I wouldn't mind getting to know better, however I don't say a word to a single guy. What kind of reaction does this illicit? I have drinks bought for me, and I get hit on by more guys than I have had talk to me for awhile. I see a guy from one of my classes, and he has a cute friend who I had a lecture class with last semester. We hit it off, and talk and he invites me to an after bars with some guys in his house. Ok, that's fine. We stop by there for awhile and I decide I am ready to leave. He walks me home. I turn down his advances, I let him give me little kisses, but nothing substantial. He is full of compliments and attention. I'm sticking to my guns, I say things to him I normally wouldn't say to a new guy. He comes up, we talk and watch TV. He wants to see me again, wants to give me his number, but new Cristy says no. I write down my number. Dinner at Addison's? Sorry Glenn, I'm busy all week. If I was a guy, I wouldn't call me. But apparently, guys like this. Boys like to be toyed with and teased and they love head games. I was so proud of myself for being able to make him think I was completely different than I am.
I guess the only boy I have anything to say about is a boy that I am going to call Robert for safety's sake. I met him last semester and I think if I was to have to choose one person to spend the rest of my life with- it would be him. He is absolutely perfect. He will never know I think he is amazing, unless we get married. He has other girlfriends, I date other guys, but as we are 20, this is normal. We have yet to go on a date. I don't want to. I want to date all the wrong types of boys before I get serious. I am saving him, I guess you could say. If I were to meet someone who equivalents him as far as the total package is concerned, I might consider having a boyfriend, but for now I like being single.
PS. Why does everyone think I look like Heather Graham? I don't.
Current Music: I'll Be Seeing you...
I have a lot of tests coming up, and have decided to study study study. And Ashley is really sick. I hope she gets better soon.