insert subject here   
07:16pm 18/05/2004
mood: depressed
music: number 7 on the used cd
i havent been on the computer in like a week.. i just dont see the need anymore since i only have one friend and she doesnt get on the computer anymore.. and its just so much easier, cause you cant get in fights.. and the only reason i did get on was to check my email and then all these people started talking to me and so i decided to write on here cause somebody said something about it and i was like shabam i havent written in that sucker in awhile. Today was our class trip.. we went to the zone and they have putt putt and batting cages and go karts and an arcade and all this different stuff and so we rode around on the go karts a couple times and made people crash YAY it was pretty fun.. and then me and kayla went and won 682 tickets and we got this lazor light and a hacky sack and a shroom candle. i gave the hacky sack to robert cause half the tickets were his.. and well.. he told us to get him something.. and well the hacky sack was only 100.. hehe yay.. what else to talk about? i need to be doing sit ups.. and yep im gonna do some..well ill write later..
in the library   
12:01pm 30/03/2004
mood: content
music: other
i am sitting here with shaan on the left of me and the keeli raye on the right of my writing in her livejournal im eating an apple too and its hard to type and hold an apple at the very same time..yep yep.. ill write back once i get home later or something bye bye
haven't had a chance to write   
01:57pm 19/03/2004
mood: indescribable
music: meant to live-switchfoot
*big long distraught sigh* Let's back track first. Wednesday i saw the passions of christ movie. It was one of the most moving experiences i've ever had. It is undescribable, and so then i get in the car with my dad and he's all how was the movie, and i don't say anything and i wouldnt talk.. i mean we didnt hardly talk on the way home from the movie [i went with the church group] and he got really mad and started cussing me out and i started crying. So, when i get home i brush my teeth and go lay down in my parents room because i always sleep in there, haven't slept in my bed in months. So anyway, i lay down and then dad starts griping me out for sleeping in his bed, so i go lay down in my bed. My dad then got a really bad wasp sting and had a really bad allergic reaction to it. I was already really upset and started screaming i'm a screw up and that i was just stupid and couldn't do anything right, and that's when it got bad. My dad got really swolen up and red and was getting welps all over him, his chest started tightening and so i had to drive him to the hospital. Still crying, we walked into the hospital and we sat down and waited for a nurse or something and we go back there[now it was like midnight on a school night] and he gets some shots and abunch of other stuff done to him, and then i drive us home. Dad tells me i can sleep in his bed and he was really sorry. Then after about 5 hours of sleep i get up and me and dad talked, and he better understood why i was in the mood i was, it was because of the movie. So, thursday went better[yesterday] and here i am now, i left school early because i was having a terrible day. First off, the alarm didn't go off and i got up 30 minutes late and i couldnt take a shower because i didnt have time, and then i go to the bathroom and i had started my period.. and that was just too much, i was just so mad by then. So, i get to school and in basketball i just didnt want to play and i just wanted to go home and so then it's this guy's birthday and i worked really hard on a cd to give to him, i made him an awesome cover and it was just really special, and i was looking forward to give it to him, i just knew he would like it.. and when i give it to him he just was like oh..thanks.. and it was like he was embarressed or something, and it just really hurt and then in mrs gammills class i get in trouble for my shirt being too short and she said something about it and it just, i dont even know why i started crying and i went and called my mom and i told her what all happend and so then she said she'd call dad and he would come get me, cause its his week to have me. So, he comes and gets me and gets me some lunch and he takes me home. And so i eat my lunch and watch jerry springer and then my mom calls and we talk for a little bit, and i was feeling better and then i watched like mike and it was really cute, and i started crying some more. So, then i was in the bathroom and someone was at the door, so i get up and go to the door and a delivery guy had some flowers, and they were so beautiful, and he was like are you annie? and i was like yeah i am, and he's like look what you've won! and i'm like WOW so then i go and sit down and look at the card, and it has this bee on it and it says just beecause and its really cute, and i start crying and i call mom cause i figured she had sent them, and it wasn't her, and so i call dad and it wasnt him and i just started crying really hard, because the flowers are so beautiful and somebody actually took their time and money and thought of me to send them, and i'm just so happy that i'm crying, and i've never been so happy that i've cried. I just didn't think someone actually cared enough about me to do something like that. The other day we talked about random acts of kindness in sunday school and i just think its so wonderful when somebody does something like this. They are so beautiful, they have this big sun flower in the middle and three red roses and they have all these other pretty flowers and then the vase has flowers painted all on it, and it's just so nice, and it just has made everything so much better.
03:51pm 16/03/2004
mood: silly
music: back home+yellowcard
Allen hoofman is as sexy as he thinks he is[pretty damn sexy]
Physco cd   
04:14pm 15/03/2004
mood: bored
music: Khakis scary cd
I'm sitting here trying to burn a cd but it won't work and im getting frustrated and then i'm listening to this one that was tristens or khakis or something and it SCARES me, it's like freakin' 80s music or something, most of the songs are good.. but man some of them are a little out there. I would go turn it off, but i'm too lazy to walk ALL THE WAY IN MY ROOM..sheesh, oh lord! taylor vaughn called me last night and he was gay bar hopping and he asked me if i wanted to join.. well.. i was already in heber by the time he called and said that or i probably would of found some way to of assisted him in his bar hopping.. yeah, let's see.. tonight i have ballet, today was the first day of basketball and all we did was lift weights and most of the weights were broken so me and kayla being the entire basketball team today didn't really even do all that much..haha this little william hung pop up just came up.. man that guy kills me..doo doo, don't have anything to say..yep, so i guess i'll just go do something.. bye bye
all wrapped up!   
08:15pm 10/03/2004
mood: bouncy
music: Play crack the sky+brand new
hmm, let's see.. today went alright, didn't seem like we did much. Most of the teachers are trying to prepare us for benchmark and we don't have any homework which is really nice :) So, after school i get to my dads shop and go over to west side and get a snack and come back over and just sit around for awhile untill 4, then i went to ballet. It was only me and sonja and jaymee and KACENTA *dies* yeah.. anyway, so we had like a review day and we went over all our dances, which was really good for me because i am SO behind because i missed 2 weeks in a row of practices..So, anyway i go in tomorrow to the dentist to get my teeth examined to get them bonded *woot woot* i can't wait, no more people asking me if i shop at gap! lol, im sure they will find something else to make fun of then. I still can't wait though. I don't really care if people say i'm fake, cause you know what? There's actually life outside of Mountain View, Arkansas! 2,697 people is not a very big impression in this world i'm afraid. *sigh* i really really really like this certain guy and i thought he might actually like me, but then he's dating this other girl.. but i don't know, i just want him bad! I swear i haven't stopped thinking of him. just call me stalkerann..OH,i have a new hobby! You know how you listen to music and you never know what they are saying, or maybe that's just me.. anyways, i downloaded abunch of real hard rock stuff and i make up my own words :) it's really funny. Man, i can't wait till first spring break, i'm going to Cali to spend some time with my sister mariah and my brother tyson, i'm hoping that tyson will further my surfing skills, he rocks at that kinda stuff, he's like a pro rock climber and all that stuff. haha i was such a slob today, i wore this band shirt and adidas pants and tennis shoes. shabam. i just was so blah this morning and HAD to be comfy, and i didnt even put make up on till like the end of 2nd period. I'm taking my new nail pens tomorrow to school so me and kayla can do our nails in the library first period :). BASKETBALL STARTS MONDAY *dies* Noooo! I really need to run over this weekend so i dont literally die yeah i don't have anything to write about anymore. *the truth is you could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath i'd apoligize for bleeding on your shirt* i wish a guy actually cared that much about me. lol.. well maybe not QUITE that much.. but you get the general idea right? ooh man me and my dad and some of my other family was sitting in pizza hut tonight and i just remembered me sleep walking the other night, it was crazy. I remembered thinking i was still at veritas and that i was going to go over to see tristen and i was like DAD its just next door, and he keeps telling me that im dreaming to go back to sleep and i remember thinking he was so crazy and i went on through into the living room and i was like freak*it i'm going back to bed im tired. by the way, i'm marrying the lead singer of finch, yeah i call him, he's mine. I downloaded the letters to you electric video and wow. I think he is the hottest man alive, except ashton kutcher, and well, you can't beat him. okay, well i think im going to go watch tv or something.. i just wanna lay down, so ill write back later or something!
what i want   
09:07pm 03/03/2004
mood: high
music: The most depressing song- the get up kids
i'm sitting here chewing on a pen and i don't know for some reason i think when i chew on a pen i start to think or maybe its not the pen.. thats beside the point though.. I'm sitting here trying to decide what i want, thus the subject. If i said the word i could be in california living right now, but do i want that? The only reason i'm staying here is cause of lauren and kayla, and i mean i've never even moved houses before..on another what i want thing i've been thinking about guys. I liked cody a lot and then i started talking to kayla about him and she was just basically telling me he was playing me and all this crap so i kinda forgot about him and he didn't even try to call or anything.. but thats OKAY but now im having regrets.. i just think he is a really nice guy.. but whatever..he's too "busy" for me, must not be important enough for him to make time. Actually, if i could choose any guy right now it would be dylan.. but he is being immature.. i mean he was AWESOME i thought he and i really had a little something, but we do live a ways apart [3.5 hours] but, i mean it was so worth going to see him. He is going to make some girl some day really happy, i just wish it was me. then this guy that i used to like told me he liked me, but im not even going to go into that big long ordeal. Oh my dear lord my friend bart just sent me this email and its like blah blah blah type in three crushes and it will tell you if you are compatitable blah blah and im like what the heck so i type in three names of guys i kinda like and i typed in JOE thinking haha let's just see how well we would have been.. yeah.. well the email was a prank and it sent back to bart the names that i put. Atleast it wasnt somebody who actually knows those people because barts from batesville and he doesnt know any of em.. so i was like thank the lord lol.-- I am so lazy.. i came home from ballet and i like fall asleep in the shower and then i woke up and then i put some clothes on and fell asleep in front of the heater then i came out here in the library and did my magazine thing for the retard class and then i watched american idol and ate some soup and then i came out here again and started writing on this and pausing some to talk on the phone and stuff. :) and ive been wearing my pajamas since i got home, but i usually wear half way nice clothes, like right now im wearing my space camp sweat shirt and just some maroon adidas pants with the double stripe down the side.. and of COURSE my chunky rings.. lol it doesnt matter what im wearing i've gotta have my funky chunky rings on! Lord have mercy, lauren told me to download the campfire kansas song by the get up kids.. yeah it scares me...just a little too happy.. but i guess its alright, just not like any of their other stuff, any of their good stuff anyway. Today's the third. hmm nothing exciting happend today.. oh yeah! i accidently ate a gobstopper, at the pep rally lauren had a box of them and she was like a check it out and she like hands me one acting like it was drugs or something and i like pop it in my mouth real fast and crunch it up [i crunch my hard candy] and then when i swallow it im like.. whoops. oh well, it was intentionally and i think thats all that matters. I had a dream last night, and i was like walking around and everybody knew what i was thinking so i went around thinking really nice stuff about people and so everybody liked me and thought i was nice.. and then i accidently thought about haha this is so cool and then they busted me and everyone got mad at me.. then i woke up all sweaty and lets get it on by marvin gaye was playing cause i accidently didnt push the alarm clock button all the way over and it was on music instead of alarm so it was playing music instead of the annoying beep.. which was nice :) Whoo hoo, veritas is getting closer and closer.. i really can't wait, it's going to be so fun. *i'm sorry miss jackson i am fo reeeaala* yep i love that cover. *feel this way foreva, you can plan a pretty picnic but you cant predict the weaathaa* I like listening to red red wine by ub40 and thinking about my sister..cause one time me and her spent like no like 3 hours trying to call into 93.1 so we could get that song played on the radio, but it didnt ever go through so we just danced around the house with it on the stereo really loud..*red red wiiiine, stay close to meee, don't let me be in love* oh man its like almost 10 and im hyper.. probably because i slept so much earlier.. i still need to take another shower and take off my make up and brush my teeth and plug in my cell phone and then put my white phone on the charger.. *dont mind me typing all the little things im just trying to think* I got asked to be in this pageant, but i dont think i wanna do it since kaylas not gonna do it with me.. but i dont know, depends if mom finds out about it.. cause if she finds out about it she'll make me be in it.. :S it's all the way in st.joe i swear.. thats like 2 hours away? or either way a long ways and i dont want to drive all that way.. last year i did it and i dont even think i placed, i think i got in the top 5 but thats it. Anyways.. i think im gonna go do all my stuff and then go to bed cause i didnt get much sleep last night and all that stuff.. so goodnight! p.s im going to put high as my current mood so i can see what it looks like.. im not actually high.. im very against drugs, but im not gonna get on that soap box
bad bad bad day   
09:24pm 01/03/2004
mood: rejected
music: i want to hear you sad-the early november
Well, let's see i get to my dad's shop after school, my dad comes up to me says something along the lines of, "wanna move somewhere,new start?" i resond, "what about momma?" and he starts telling me they are getting back together or some crazy crap like that, it all blurred together. He says he wants to sell all of the property and crap we own and move somewhere. Then i get on my dad's cellphone when he isn't looking and look at all of his text msgs. I hate how my parents give me this front, tell me what i want to hear. I do the same thing, but i mean they should know better. Like when im with my mom i trash dad and when im with dad i trash mom, its just how it goes, but its like when dads with me he hates mom and when im with my mom she hates dad, but when they are with each other they just lie through their teeth to each other. So then i just wanted to go play ddr at my friend jeremys house but he had a dentist appointment or something and so GAH, i just want to know whats going on. i dont even know what i want right now. I want to move so so so badly,get a new start.. new friends, new opportunities, just new everything.. but what about kayla and lauren? and what about my family.. my aunt rob and granny ima and all them? i mean i cant just leave them all.. right now kayla's what has kept me sane. I thought i was going to go crazy this weekend when i didnt get to talk to her much with our conflicting schedules. So anyway back to my wonderful life. I go to ballet, didnt know crap, its so irritating, i just want to be like sonja or hanna and know everything lol, but oh well. I cant wait till veritas, its just so wonderful, i had a blast last year.. its just the bomb. I accidently drank a drink with sugar in it, i felt like beating myself up. i want so badly to do this. to get that since of self accomplishment. but yet again i fail myself, lol over a sobe drink. Man i really thought i was going to die, i was in the shower shaving my legs, and i never can get my ankles without cutting them, but i cut accidently a straight cut down the back of my leg and its really really big and ugh ugh i could NOT get it to stop bleeding and im so sqeemish i just couldnt take it so i had toilet paper on my leg and i was holding it down really hard with my eyes closed..i think im going to call my mom.. she freaking said my spirit was dieing and that it needed to be saved before it was too late, like her or some crap like that, i promise.. *sigh* why the heck.. i dunno just let me call her..she didn't pick up, she's probably talking to someone else, because she doesnt know how to answer call waiting on her cell phone.. lol so anyway. joe just calls me up and starts griping me out for stupid stuff, i mean i wish he would just stop and think about what he is saying and doing, and it was hunter who told him all the stuff i said, i swear, i hate when you are best friends with someone, in this case hunter, and you tell them everything, and then when you get mad at them they tell everyone about all the stuff you told them, i mean.. i dont think thats a real friend.. i mean i know kayla or lauren wouldnt do that to me, but whatever, im going to go i think dad wants to talk to me, and im going to try to call mom again.
05:37pm 29/02/2004
mood: melancholy
music: .close to me- the get up kids.
Wow, i forgot i actually had one of these things till some of the girls started up on livejournal, and i was like *shabam* i have one, so i decided to start writing in this again. You see, i have a journal.. like an actual pen and paper one, but i never EVER have time to write in it, so i will just start writing on this again whenever i get on the computer and everything will just be dandy. Let's see the last couple of days have been crazed. Thursday, met this AWESOME guy allen, thought he was just the bomb diggity.. yeah well that ended, now he doesn't even know who i am.. is there really a guy out there that has the same mind frame as me? I mean really.. 'cause i would never even begin to think about to cheat on someone i loved, and i mean i consider myself to be a considerate person.. or i CAN be.. lol this is sad, but i just want a guy who actually likes me for once, im always the liker.. does that make any sence? *sigh* im going to go watch scary movies and eat ice cream. HA so much for trying to lose weight..
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today wasnt my day   
02:25pm 01/08/2003
mood: grateful
music: something corporate-punk rock princess/good song dl it
hmm lets see when we went to go get breakfast at west side i dropped my drink and i spilled everywhere, then i spilled chocolate gravy on my white shirt..then when we were unloading some stuff i lift up the back door of the 4runner and the window like shattered..i have no idea what i did it, and then i kept on knocking stuff over and it was hot, maybe im just whiny..and my hair looks like hay because i didnt blow dry and brush i just let it dry natural, yep never doing that again.maybe i should stop bitching and just be glad that i have the privledge of chosing whether i want to use a blow dryer or let my hair dry natural, some people dont, and maybe i should be glad that i had a drink to spill and gravy to spill, instead of going hungry..and a window to bust..hehe, gar ill write back soon
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running maniac   
07:37pm 28/07/2003
mood: crappy
music: addicted-simple plan
lets see, when i need to let off steam i run..lets say i ran about 5-8 miles today. then the padres got home and got mad because i hadnt cleaned my room which was what i was supposed to do today. i was kinda mad, because i mean what am i going to say..oh i spent the whole day upset instead of cleaning? grr. i feel like curling up in a corner in my room and not ever moving again. write back soon
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in a weird mood   
11:05pm 27/07/2003
mood: irritated
music: sugar sugar..dont know who sings it
this morning I went to church then went out to eat at anglers then went home and changed then went to the creek and then went to church then went home and cleaned my room then went to the drive inn.. the end.
10:03pm 26/07/2003
mood: drained
music: headstrong-trapt
I feel so freaking mad and angry and everyone right now. Today I found out that one of my friends has a brain tumor..and he only has a few more months to live. When things like this happen, it makes it really hard to believe in God. It's like he hates me and wants me to suffer. It was bad enough when not only my sister gets killed.. then Adam, then Adrian. What have I done to deserve this? These are my young years when I'm supposed to be carefree and having fun, but instead i'm spending all my time worrying and upset, and all my friends who are "there for me when I need them" don't even recognize when i'm upset anymore. I guess in times like these you figure out who your real friends are. People who I would think would be there for me no matter what happend aren't, and those who I would never expect to even give me a second glance, are being so supportive and caring. What drives me up the freaking wall is when people have a sibling and they talk about how they wish they would die and how they hate them.. and you know what, I would give all my dreams, everything I have to have my sister back..and I guess I just wish people would be more appreciative of what they have, even if they don't recognize it.. I mean be grateful that all of your family isn't hurt or suffering..or anything like that. Just the way people take things for granted makes me sick. I'll write back later and tell about my weekend later..
Just woke up   
10:07am 25/07/2003
mood: discontent
music: Janes addiction-krista is forcing me to listen to them...
Just woke up and I am fixing to pack, I'm going to prelims/finals tonight and tomorrow. Every year I have made it to finals, but I kinda don't think I will this year. I'm going to prelims tonight and if I get 1st-8th I get to go to finals, well usually that's no problem...well actually I do think I will..because thinking back to state, I did really good..and It's basically like state..I don't know we will just have to see. I hate kazaa, all the good songs I want to download end up normal at the start but then they cut out in the middle of the song. I have 19 mosquito bites from my neck to my torso, and I don't even want to try to count the ones on my legs..haha I'm really excited, the hair I was talking about in my last entry I told my parents about and they agreed that I could get it done..but instead of dying it the brown color I'm going to have blonde highlights and just have pink highlights and black highlights. I think it will look awesome. Well I guess I'm going to go take a shower then start packing and all that good stuff.. I might write again before I leave.
pimping my phone out   
01:40pm 23/07/2003
mood: determined
music: tribute tenacious d
lol like the subject says, I've been pimping my phone out..I figured out how you can download ringtones and games and shiznit like that, and i have just been going crazy..except my phone is like brand spanking new [not my new one im about to get though hehe] and you cant download many things on it. I have blisters on my fingers from where I was raking and weeding out the garden at the church. Day hurt :( MY HAIR WONT GROW, i'm taking grape seed extract, which is like a pill to make your hair grow faster and its not this is what im wearing right now..a puke green towel on my head [just took a shower] black yoga pants, and a tie dye shirt that says United We Stand for a Drug free land!! Hell yeah im cool. Friday and saturday ill be in Jonesboro.bleh bleh bleh. prelims/ thinking about putting black and hot pink strips in my hair..i think it would just look snazzy. and do the little mary kate and ashley thing with the curly at the top and stringy at the that would look great. i might just have to go buy some dye and experiment tonight *evil laugh* hehe there is a advertisment on tv and its like get spotted with aquafina and win! and so im going to start carrying around one of those bottles everywhere I go!! *yet another evil laugh* hmm im licking envelopes and picking pictures to send to more modeling agencies, I MUST BECOME FAMOUS! bleh i just want to become rich and famous over night and its just doesnt work that way..ill write back soon
back from swimteam   
10:34am 21/07/2003
mood: discontent
music: Tribute-Tenacious D
Wow, I actually woke up and went to swimteam this has been like 2 weeks since I have been in a pool.It was storming so we did like an hour workout in the pool and then got out and did some well needed exercising..If I don't have to babysit today I may clean house.Instead of sitting on my butt all day infront of this God forsaken computer. I want a six pack! I saw this girl on tv with a six pack and it was just awesome, and I really want one now..I need to look up a workout online and start doing it. I don't really have anything to talk about..for once haha, I really want to talk to Taylor.. I didn't talk to him yesterday, everytime I called he was always doing something or gone. Saturday night I talked to him for three hours and didnt end up going to bed till like 3, and I had to get up at 8 :S but its okay because I got to talk to him! I'm getting a new cellphone, I'm semi excited. mmhum I might write back later if i have something to write about.
just got back from church   
06:01pm 20/07/2003
mood: happy
music: 70times7 brand new
Alrighty i'm going to actually write in this what I did on my trip to Bama/Tennesse, every detail :D So let's see after church on Sunday we ate and changed into regular clothes and loaded up on the bus..then 6 and a half hours later we arrived in B-ham.We got to the church we were staying at which is located right in the heart of the anyways we got there and put our stuff in the rooms we were staying in, then we went down and ate dinner there. Then we had a meet and greet and had a devotion then went to bed. Then at the crack of dawn..not really..i exagerate..anyways early the next morning we got up and got dressed and all that and went and went to the work site we would be working at all week. It was this older ladies house, the first thing she said was that I was the "Honey of the Bunch" which i thought was pretty funny, but it was nice.Then we worked for awhile then we went back to the church we were staying in [we call it urban], and filled up water balloons, and blew up beach balls and got abunch of game things ready..because after that we went to a park and played with a bunch of kids from around the neighborhood we were staying in. We had a balloon war, and a flour and marshmellow war, it was so fun but we were so dirty and sweaty[ and it was raining ] but we had a blast.Then we went back to urban where i thought we would be taking showers..but when we got there they had a list of chores we all had to we divided the list up, and me and our group leader katie got assigned to do showers, and bathrooms that day..which was okay because we didnt have to do it again, we got it out of the we had to do that and then we finally got to take our well needed showers. Then we played cards and had 2 devotions and played games and went to bed. Then the next day we got to sleep in till 7:45! YES! and we went to this church and we helped serve food,wash clothes, and fold clothes for homeless people. Then after that we went back to the work site and painted more, and then we went to wal mart to get sandwich stuff because tomorrow we were going to hand out sandwiches to homeless people in some different parks, and then we went back to urban and hung out till we had devotion [we have devotion every night and morning]. Then went to bed, then the next day we got up and went to the work site first thing, and then went to the parks and handed out sandwiches,chips,drinks, and this book of scripture.Then the next day we got up and went to the church again to help serve food and do all that for the homeless people, and then went to the work site and worked for the rest of the day. Then we went to urban and passed out because we were so then we woke up friday and packed and headed to Jackson Tennesse, when we got there we unpacked and got work clothes on and went to this ladies house and painted. Then we went back to the church we were staying at there, and we were hanging out and i went downstairs where there was this huge gym and i asked the janitor if there was basketballs and he said yeah you can use anything thats in this closet and unlocked it for me and i looked in there and there were like rows and rows of skates! so we all get roller skates and played rollerbasketball.Then we went ordered pizza, and then played taboo and then had a devotion and went to bed. Then the next day we woke up and got work clothes on and went to this ladies house where we knocked out dry wall and pulled up was really hard..then we went out to eat at the olive garden and then came back to mountain view.THE END! yep that was my week in b-ham and jackson it was pretty fun at times, and pretty hard at times..but i got through it and it was really life changing..I'll write back soon.
back from alabama   
09:35pm 19/07/2003
mood: lonely
music: tiny dancer-elton john
I probably should tell about what I did in Alabama, but I really don't want to right now..i'm pretty upset..I got home and the first thing i do is sit my stuff down, and I read Kyle's thing they handed out at the funeral..and then this thing that people wrote stuff to him.I miss him so much, i dread going back to swimteam and him not being there. The next to last time i talked to kyle was one day when we both sat out practice.I always picked on kyle..and when we were talking he was like annie why do you always pick on me? and i replied aww kyle you know im just messing with you im sorry if i ever hurt your feelings or something along those lines..and we really had a good conversation.I think God does things like that for reasons.and I love him for that.everyone says im over emotional..but lord dont i deserve to kinda be? i try to tell myself that God does these things to me so when im older ill be able to talk to people that the same things happen to, but its hard sometimes to make myself believe that. the last time i talked to kyle he had his hair up in pig tails and was walking around and dustin rooker got arrested for being drunk at one of the swim meets. Its so hard to be close to anyone anymore, I feel like if i get close to anyone they are going to let me down somehow or another.but then again maybe i should take the time to get to know people better so i will be able to remember those memories..and another reason im kinda upset is because and this probably sounds stupid but i got on ftj to check to see if i had any msgs or anything like that and i go to look at my friend taylors profile and on turn ons or something like that it said krista and i mean he hasnt ever said anything to me about a krista, and i mean i think he would tell me if he had a girlfriend and maybe im just assuming things..but that just kinda upset me.jealousy has struck once again.reality struck me this week.. yet here i am sitting in my comfortable chair typing on my expensive computer with an expensive cell phone in my pocket etc etc. for those who dont know this week i went on a mission trip..but i dont really want to type all i did right now. i will eventually.i feel like throwing up, i need to talk to someone.but who? my best friend says i have went physco and all my other friends are too immature to take me serious and i dont want taylor to think im over emotional only hope is this blurty journal..i feel like crying all over again. i feel like running and away and camping out by nikkis grave. good lord im too young to have to deal with all these things. i should be worrying about boys and clothes and all that shit like every other girl and here i am talking about things i dont want to have to deal with.i wish i had someone that i could talk to that was going through the same things...everyone i talk to doesnt know what to say to me..or they say that they know how i feel when they really dont which just pisses me off.and when people say they will be here for me and shit and i know i would never call them in my life and they dont expect me to.and i dont like going to counciling at all..they just sit there and stare and its like my lord i get the same help from a bologna sandwich.i had a really good time in alabama getting away from all the trouble in that sence i didnt want to leave and come back and have to deal with all these things..i feel awful for not going to kyles funeral..i was riding in the church bus coming back from working or something and i looked up at the clock..10:something and i was just thinking about how i should be sitting in a pew instead of sitting in a church bus..and i just felt like beating myself up for not just like stopping everything i was doing and going back to mountain view, because i think kyle would have done that for me. or atleast ashley or debbie one. it broke my heart when i was reading this thing where everyone wrote things to kyle, and one said I hope you are doing good- Courtney..thats his little sister..she is like 7. it makes me sick to think ill never see him again. ill never get to beat him in swimming and rub it in his face..ill never get to skip practices with him again..what i would give to have 5 minutes to talk to him and my sister and adam. if only to have adam and kyle and nikki to laugh at me or make fun of me or upset me, atleast to have one more time. i have to go to church in the morning, so i guess im going to try to go to sleep or something. ill write back soon
01:45pm 12/07/2003
mood: rushed
music: Are you happy now?-Michelle Branch
Hey hey! Let's see I woke up at 9:17 this im not lieing either, and then I watched vh1 till krista got up and then I got ready and we got around and went to town to help with this city park clean up thing. and now im back home and i just got done repacking to go to Alabama, we are leaving out tomorrow..I dread the work lol, im a one of my nails came off during a basketball game, and I wish i could get it fixed before i go to alabama, but i guess i wont get to..which sucks.i guess ill just have to tough it up and BE A REAL WOMAN lol..I suppose this is the last time ill probably write till i get home from alabama which will be like uhhh saturday night, so ill probably write again sunday some time. I cant wait to get back and tell you all how it went, Bye!
What my results were on quizzes.   
06:14pm 11/07/2003
mood: shocked
music: The "Your Greaseful" song

What's your sexual appeal?
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your bitch.

What swear word are you?
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You Are Love
You are Love.

You love life, you love all those around you and
the world that you live in. You are happiest
when you are doing something for someone else
or for the common good of mankind.

What Emotion Are You?
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You're the cheerful smile,the one that's truly
happy with almost everything you do and would
never cahnge your life.

What Kind of Smile are You?
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I am an overly happy A.D.D kitten

Which cute or possibly strange kitten are you?
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LOVE is your chinese symbol!

What Chinese Symbol Are You?
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