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Tuesday, June 24th, 2003
8:52 pm - Is this real...??
Sure doesn't seem like it. I think that I'm dreaming all of this. I just read that and it sounds like a good thing but it's not. Nothing good is really happening. I just want to go back. Really really REALLY bad!!!!!!!! It's not right!! I should be happy to be back w/my friends and family. But I'm not. I want to be back at Vermilion. Right now. I wrote letters to Geraldine and Mareena today. I sent Geraldine a picture of us. Gosh I miss them all so much. I pray for them and I hope they're okay. I worry but I know God will care for them. That's His job~it's what He wants to do. That's what I told Geraldine.
Grrrrrrr...still want to go back...

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Thursday, June 12th, 2003
3:56 pm - Oh my word~I need some help!!
Drake just left. The situation reminded me of some other ones~but I won't say anything. He told me it was b/c of the fact he'd been around Brian too much. I'm trying to believe him. He says it definitely wasn't me at all. Trying harder still. I really hope this gets easier eventually...

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Wednesday, June 11th, 2003
10:49 pm - Brian's...
Pretty fun @ Brian's tonight. I like sometimes just having a few people. But sometimes it gets a little boring b/c we can't think of anything to do.
Oh my word I can't believe how much I like Drake. I am the most ridiculous human being that ever walked the planet. There is no way in the world that he will ever even THINK about liking me as anything more thatn a friend. And every once in a while I even wonder about that. Every time I see him I tell myself to just let it go b/c he DOES NOT LIKE ME. But I'm not a very good listener. I'm actually getting worse. I like him more than I've ever liked anyone else. That's very bad. Very bad.
Tomorrow we're going to the park. Not sure if I can go or not. I REALLY REALLY want to (naturally) but I haveto go shopping for Vermilion w/Molly. We'll see. Hopefully I can talk to her and figure out when we're going. And then I'll have to call Drake. I don't think he likes to talk to me. But that's too bad b/c I'll have to talk to him tomorrow.
I am obviously not doing well~so I think I should stop writing right now before I begin destructive behavior.

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Tuesday, June 10th, 2003
3:37 pm - Crazy friends...
My friends are so funny. Today Drake and Brian called and they were both being really silly. Drake is really hyper so that's very amusing. We're going to Brian's tomorrow. You can't know how happy I am about that. I need to get out of this house!!!!!!
I have so much I have to do for Vermilion it's not even funny!!!! I have stuff to work on for my small group and I have to pack and shop for my carnival booth. It's a little stressful to say the least so I'm glad to get a break from it tomorrow.
Nothing else to say. Maybe I'll write later. Or maybe not. We'll see. I am in such a weird mood!!!!!!!!

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Monday, June 9th, 2003
12:59 pm - God help us all...
AHHHHHH!!!!!! Bad day already. I feel very sick. I have my period. I'm home alone. I'm still scared of him and he's not even here. I am so tired I am almost dead. I can't sleep. I am a pathetic person. I have a Vermilion meeting tonight. I don't want to go. I have to go b/c it's the last one before we go. I need to stop now b/c this is really sad.

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Sunday, June 8th, 2003
11:35 pm - First entry...
I've had a pretty bad day. But you can't really ask for too much now can you?? I want to sleep but I can't. Hopefully sometime. Not much else to say. I'll write when I have something worth while.

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