i have moved to

http://shiveringbrigade.i.ph/

i guess i'm burdened because she is one of my kind. during these occasions i still want to settle things. usually it never gets there. but not i guess it will. i have no idea how it will turn out. i hope all turns out well.

also, lesson learned today: never trust the burger man. in any way.

i am so tired of all this perpetual sick cycle entails. as the swirl gets bigger, it encompasses me and other swirls of existence are disturbed. and the swirl isn't made of multi-colored candy as i thought. it is entangling, it is weedy and bores through you and into your veins.

i think i saw naughty look across the face of my yummy crush this morning as the elevator door closed :D or was it his good-morning-world-i'm-so-great face? :D what a dish :D he will always be perfect with coffee :D or we can share his :D

whoa, suddenly stranger has become suddenly something-up-her-ass-bitch. :D what, you're annoyed i made my presence felt to your new boyfriend last weekend? what the fuck :D he's everybody's boyfriend!! :D

Date:	2004-11-30 13:50
Subject:	flustered
Security:	Public
Mood:	blah

vivid dream about the wandering weasel :D i forgot about it upon waking up but it instantly came back to me upon seeing him this morning and all of sudden i think i turned red because i was embassed at the thought of my dream and he was there, all innocent-looking and harmless :D talk about whispering something too close to his ear :D

Date:	2004-11-22 08:47
Subject:	dream
Security:	Public
Mood:	predatory

this morning's dream: (this is probably due to kilderkin telling me to stop entertaining regressive thoughts) i was in my old house and vomit-inducer was there, doing work-stuff. later on as he was going up the stairs, he turns to me and says something work-related, and then we shook hands. but he didn't let go and he said i should close the front door and we should go to the kitchen. as i locked the big door and walked with him to the kitchen i kept thinking i shouldn't do this anymore because this asshole will just keep ruining my life in cycles. when we got to the kitchen we started to make out and then later on i realize it's getting lousy like the last time (in real life) when it was quick and sort of dead (hindsight: it's because of the new conquest). then we stopped and i realize i was right all along, that he was just trying to keep things okay and somewhat peaceful so he won't get into trouble and i won't be all bitchy about his new tricks. later on i find myself stepping out of 603 and he was seated on a chair right outside of the door, sending text messages to someone. i went straight to 605 and then i ran into the so-called friend and we didn't say hi. i turned and followed her and as she went into 603, she told mr. sickfuck that she's going down to the daily trip and that he should join her. mr. tricky asshole stood up and pressed the down-button of the elevator (which was oddly on the opposite wall). later on the door opens but the inner whore was not out yet so mr. sex-addict waited for the next ride so he can do the movie scene with miss-i-can-get-away-with-anything-because-i'm-screwing-him.

so as with all of us, they go on daily dates and little trips to the fountain of life. and of course the movie of their love story.

you already know what it's going to be like huh. you are now living it. seeing it and tasting it for yourself. isn't it fun? doesn't it make you pleasantly giddy? but you can't tell me about it right? how exhilirating it is and how exciting each day gets, and all of a sudden being pals is such a trashy idea. a big waste of time. forget about the chummy talks and updates. you are too enjoying this now.

what, like it's hard to use my stuff now because it feels like a bitch clutching at your fucking head? i bet you're one of those who casually rant about nasty bitchy kilderkin. bitch by the book.

Date:	2004-11-18 16:45
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	distressed

i really really really really really really really really really really really really need to have this thing approved. the wordsmith asked me if i noticed he's been avoiding and i said i did. i really wish he says yes.

are you uncomfortable because i know already? or are you just avoiding that we talk about it? i won't bring it up. i know that it's useless. i just hate it everytime this happens. i just wish i'd think you're a jerk and that's it. but all my selves are fighting. some of them bring me bits of yesterday in an ice cream dish.

Date:	2004-11-18 15:16
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	angry

fucking high on my drugs. either she acts like she's walking on clouds with smug look on her face or like she can bite anyone's head off just because she is fucking supported that fucking asshole.

i bet at some point she was fucking judging me because of what i'm in, because it's people like me who ruins her state, but surprisingly she was exactly where i was so now she has gone totally fucking crazy because like me, she has no fucking idea what to believe in anymore. only that she is busting her ass trying to convince herself she is happy with this fucking arrangement.

that fucking bitch. suddenly a scheming stranger who can't even start a fucking decent conversation because she is just too fucking scared of the trap. why the hell did you get into in the first place. you fucking bitch.

Date:	2004-11-18 15:14
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	bitchy

she puts on a show and i bet you are just too fucking eager to watch and then participate.

Date:	2004-11-18 11:40
Subject:	last night's dream
Security:	Public
Mood:	lazy

mr. everyone's-screwing-idol and kilderkin were supposed to meet one afternoon at the parking lot beside the building. as kilderkin headed for the car 3 or 4 other people were suddenly there, and were all going to hitch. for a while he was guilty and said he'll just come back for kilderkin. but since everyone has seen her waiting there, he told her to just hop in, and he intended to make up reasons why kilderkin's being dropped off last. but they were really planning to go to his house and do things pretty much like when i saw a snake in his kitchen. next dream shift they were in his room (looked different from the first time when i found a snake in the kitchen) making out bigtime. after supposedly two hours, mr. e-s-i suddenly said sorry, but kilderkin's time is up. he snaps his fingers and turns into a small asian female, bitchy and tough. she then tells kilderkin that she has to talk to her so she/mr. e-s-i-turned-female can tell her certain things from a girl's point of view. asian chick said kilderkin is lousy because they were together for two hours and all kilderkin did not do anything pleasantly violent to mr. e-s-i. later on she says they have to step out of the room because the wife and ALL the in-laws are home from some other country. we step out and mr. e-s-i was there, a totally separate being from asian chick. the wife saw us and brushed us off because she has come to terms that when she is away, mr. e-s-i plays. so oddly, asian chick and i were there to join the welcome-back gathering or whatever. but most of the time mr. e-s-i attended quite openly to asian chick and totally ignored me. i felt so bad i tried calling my ultimately tactless friend to come pick me up from there. i woke up feeling rotten and older than the fourth blind fucking mouse.

Date:	2004-11-18 11:23
Subject:	university (the only episode) - rerun
Security:	Public
Mood:	crushed

i regress into yesterday. i look at my house from across the street. i try to see it from your eyes. maybe it's all because i'll never get enough of it. maybe it was the connection that has been there all along. it's always on those dark corners and quiet streets, when i'm alone and tired, that they creep out and the big shadows follow me, and i run around in the glass globe you have placed in your pocket, forgotten. sometimes i think i can never get out.

Date:	2004-11-18 11:13
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	distressed

now he has to use his best bud so people would think the muddy tracks are from the ballgame, when in fact it's all the mud from his cheating.

Date:	2004-11-17 11:07
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	bitchy

he shouldn't have attempted to make anything seem okay anymore. maybe he just did all that to save himself. and the he can supposedly safely move on without a blabbering bitch on his back. it was all for being with the sudden stranger in peace. talk about slytherins.

in my eyes you have all been shred into smithereens.

Date:	2004-11-17 11:05
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	cold

zurgmeal = zero interest

Date:	2004-11-16 19:33
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	bitchy

weirdo. of course you fucking had to hurry so you can buy some trashy time with your fucking bitch. and then fucking bitch loiters with smug look on her fucking face.

Date:	2004-11-16 17:07
Subject:	monday's dream
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired
Music:	311 in my head since weekend

scruffy guy has resigned from work. in my dream it has been for a number of months already. that time it was around 7 pm, and everyone was working overtime. i was in 605 and i was temporarily using one of the stations there. i then heard his voice and when i looked up, he sounded like he was just outside; someone had left the door open. later on he came in, in one of his blue and white shirts. next dream shift i was outside of 605 and he was there, and i asked him out for dinner. surprisingly he said yes and that we should just leave the office around the same time. i went to 606 then it occurred to me that he wo't be staying long, that around 10 pm i knew he would just have to say he has to go because real thing is, he has plans of going out with the weak surprisekisser and their other friends. i felt somewhat odd and got bored about the whole idea of having dinner with him and him saying yes.