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Sunday, October 12th, 2003
12:33 pm - Sorry I haven't updated in a while!
Sorry that I haven't updated in a while! I got grounded, and I still am, it's just not as bad right now. I was at a party and it got busted by parents and I got grounded for 2 months. The whole month of September, I was not allowed to drive, go out after school activities, hang out with friends, or anything unless my dad was there, so I didn't hang out with friends then, lol. And this month, October, I'm not allowed to stay out past like 10 and my dad has to approve of who I'm with before I can do anything. And if he doesn't agree with who I'm with, I can't go. But yeah...it's not that bad anymore. Just like, 2 more weeks and I'm free to do what I want when I want. OOOHHHH! Guess what? I'm getting a new car! I don't know what I'm getting yet, but it's gonna be nicer than the past to crap cars I've had. Crap meaning there's tons of things wrong with them. Anyways...I'm driving the van right now. It's fun! lol! I'm known as soccer mom right now because of the whole van thing. Anyways...well, I'm gonna go before I get bitched at for taking too long on the internet. Well, I g2g! Peace! Buhbye!
Luv Me,
Be Not Be

current mood: blank
current music: Kamikaze by Five Iron Frenzy

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Wednesday, August 13th, 2003
6:15 am - I need to get out of here!
I need out! I can't stay in my house anymore! My dad is about to drive me up the wall! No matter what happens, it's my fault. My little sis can be the bitchiest, brattiest person in the entire world, and it's my fault because somehow I egged her on. My dad is such a dick! I told him today that once I turn 17 I'm moving out. He got pretty pissed when I told him that. But anyways....grrrr! I really can't take it anymore! I'm always gone so I don't have to put up with either of them. It's like, since I've gotten my car, it's an easy out for me. I get pissed and leave and go drive around for a few hours or go to a friends house or something. Thank God for the car! Anyways...I really want to move in with my mother. I mean, I love her house! It's small and doesn't have big huge windows without blinds that people can look into. That's basically a description of my living room. Anyways, plus, she lives a simple life. And all I need right now is simple, not complication and confusion all the dang time. Well, anyways...I'm gonna head out now....Bye for now! Stay tuned for the rest of the complicated life of Casey Mac!
Little Me,
Be_Not_Be

current mood: irritated
current music: Kamikaze by Five Iron Frenzy

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5:53 am - This is going to be a long one...
Matt, Wednesday, August 13, 2003 4:08 AM I decided to make my entry today dedicated to you. I'm writing this on paper, but am transposign to the journal right now because since the computer is in Dad's room and he's sleeping, I can't quite type it right now, but I wanted to tell you something. You have got to be one of my best friends that I've every had! I know that I can tell you everything and know that my secret's safe with you. I never have to worryabout you talking behind my back or judging me. I've looked for a person like you my whole life! I know sometimes I take you for granted, but I just want you to know that no matter what happens, I love you. You're like the big brother I never had. I know that I do have two brothers, but you're different (and not in a bad way!). I mean, Nick is so much older than I am, so we don't have a bunch in common. And besides, after his vacation down here, he's moving back to New York, but that won't be until sometime next year, and I"m thankful for that, because the last time he's spent this much time down here, was about 3-4 years ago before he first moved to NYC. And Carey. It's not cool to hang out with your little sister, I guess. He's only 3 years older than I and we're a lot alike, but I don't know. I mean, he used to tell me stuff all the time, but I guess he got too cool for that now that he's moved out of the house. And he's moving to NYC with Nick once he goes back up there. And then there's you. You always find a way to make ma laugh. I mean, I could be having the crappiest day, show up at your doorstep in tears, and you'd find a way to lighten everything up, just like you always do! And I really appreciate that! You're such a fun person to hang around, too. I mean, you're always goofing off and acting your normal self, even when I'm writing your # and a brief description about you on a napkin at Ziggie's and hanging it to the "hot" waitress. You have to admit, that was pratty hilarious! Thanks for always being there for me and protecting me from things that would hurt me. I can't stress that enough! And a special thanks for defending me and my relationships when my dad tries to get you to start something between me and my "dater" person! I know, my dad's a dick, but that would be a whole new entry in my journal on a whole different subject! But anywho. I always try and return the favor, but I don't know if I've ever met the standards a best friend should meet. YOu don't have to worry about your teeth when you smile. And if you really hate it, get retainers or something! LOL! And about your weight, don't worry about it! Just do a few crunches every night before you go to bed. Then you'd be a babe magnet! Not that you already aren't. I'm shutting up before I dig my gravy any deeper! Anyways. Will you tell James that I really appreciate him, too? I mean, after all, James is a part of you, so yeah. You wouldn't be the same without him! LOL! Kate has something she wants to say to the both of you. Matt: G'day! How are you this fine, wonderful day/morning? I just wanted you to know that not only have you been a very awesome person to Casey and have made a big impact in her life, but you've done the same to me, even though we've only known each other for a short period of time. James: I have to get this out into the open. I have a humongous crush on you. You've probably already noticed, but I just wanted to get it out in the open. I really, really like you! Anyways, here's Casey back. Well, there ya have it! Kate really likes the two of you! What I love most about our friendship is our alter ego's. I mean, I know James has been around longer, but it feels as if Kate has been around the same amount of time. And if I can't tell you something, I know that I can tell James, and same with Kate. Another thing I love is that I don't have to worry about acting a certain way around you because I know that you don't look at me in that way, and the same for you. We're too close for that. Besides, wouldn't that be incest? LOL! Well anyways. May everything you hope and wish for come true! God Bless! Oh yeah, thanks for inviting me to your church a couple of months ago! I love the church and the reason I'm there is you. You brought be and got me into going to church again! Thanks much! God Bless! I love you!
Little Me,
Be_Not_Be

current mood: thankful
current music: Dare You To Run by Switchfoot

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Monday, August 11th, 2003
6:34 am - Correction
I accidentally put down sleep in my prayer. It's supposed to be: Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord, my sould to keep. If I should die before I WAKE, I pray the Lord, my sould to take. NOT: Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord, my would to keep. If I should die before I SLEEP, I pray the Lord, my sould to take. Lol! I guess I really am tired if I'm slipping the word "sleep" into a prayer that I've known for about 13 years. Lol! Well, I just wanted to make that correction. Bye for now.
Little Me,
Be_Not_Be

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6:25 am - Sleep!
Look into my eyes. You are getting very, very sleepy. Yeah, I wish. I'm wide awake. Maybe it's because of what happened earlier, but I don't know. I'm so tired right now, it's not funny. I want to go to sleep, but since my allergies are all worked up, I can't sleep because my nose is stuffy and every 10 minutes I have a big hacking and coughing fit. I really hate allergies. They are such a pain. Anyways...I'm just trying to make myself sleepy. I don't know how I can do that. I don't want to be sleep deprived. I just want sleep! I want a few other things...but that's a different subject. It's light outside and I've only had approximately 2 hours of sleep. This sucks! Anyways...it's going to suck for me when school starts. If I'm not going to bed until 6:30...that's the time I wake up to get dressed for school in the mornings. OH, that's right...school starts in like, 2 weeks. SLEEP! PLEASE COME TO ME! Maybe if I say that prayer that I used to say when I was little, it'll make me tired. Okay...Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord, my soul to keep. If I should die bfore I sleep, I pray the Lord, my soul to take. It worked a little...it just made me want to slide underneath the nice cool blankets and fall asleep. Well, I think that's what I'm going to go do. Well, bye for now.
Little Me,
Be_Not_Be

current mood: sleepy
current music: Fireproof by Pillar

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6:10 am - How do I say this?
How do I say this? Well, I know that you're 4-5 years older than I am, but...I feel really close to you. I mean, you totally interest me. I mean, I've had a secret crush on you since the first time I saw you, which was about 2 months ago. That's not very long, but in the life of me, it is. I love the way you always joke around with me about our "party" that we're going to have! You never cease to amaze me. Everytime you speak, I'm attracted to you more and more because you are so caring for other people that it's awesome. Even when you're not talking about another person, you're just so fun to talk to. I'm never going to be able to say anything to you about how I feel because number one the age difference, and number two I don't want to make a fool of myself, because I don't want you to act differently around me. I mean, we flirt a lot, but I'm afraid that it would end if you found out that I liked you. No one that reads this will know who it is, unless Matt figures it out...and if you do, please don't say anything to anyone! You have to promise! But anyways...I'm really scared for you right now. You're into drinking and you really want to stop, but you aren't. I know that you don't want to live like that anymore and you're sick and tired of it. If you need help I'll be here for you. I know that you're never going to get that message unless I tell you myself, but anyways, that's not the point. I'm writing this to get it out of my system. I haven't said anything to anyone for fear that it'd get back to you. This is the first time that I've said anything. The reason why I'm letting anyone and everyone read this is that no one will know who I'm talking about, with the exception of Matt, and that just makes it even more mysterious. Lol! But anyways...Oh my gosh, I love the way you talk and treat other people. It's just like, really attractive I guess. I don't know why. I don't even know why I've liked you since I met you, maybe it's your love for God that turns me on, maybe it's that your like one of us, maybe it's that since the first time I saw you, you welcomed me and started talking to me like you had known me for a couple of months to a year. Whatever the reason, I know that I like you. I mean, I'm not obsessed or anything, just clarifying that. I don't know if anything will ever happen between us because of the age difference, but if it's meant to be, then it's meant to be, and if it's not, it's not. I'd rather have you as a close friend then nothing at all. So right now, I'm happy with our relationship. Well, that's all for now.
Little Me,
Be_Not_Be

current mood: worried
current music: You Already Take Me There by Switchfoot

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5:33 am - Why does this always happen to me?
Here I am again. It's 5:30 AM and I can't sleep. My dad's still out of town, so I'm having two of my friends spend the night. This morning I woke up at 10, took a 2 minute shower, and got to churc by about 10:25...so I was only 25 minutes late. Matt had called me at 9 to wake me up, like he always does, and I don't even remember talking to him...he said that I just talked and stuff and told him that I was going back to bed. It could be that I was so groggy from going to bed at 6:30, that I didn't remember. But anyways...church was good for me. I felt really well after the service was over. The youth all went to St. Louis Bread (Panera Bread) for lunch and then we all went back to the pastor's house (his two daughter's are in youth) to chill until I had to leave to pick up to of my friends that were coming with me to youth that night. Well, we all started watching TV and it everyone fell asleep except for Shalyn and myself. Then I woke Matt up at about 4:20 so we could leave to go pick the people up. First we picked up Chris, and then we got Josh. We got back to the church and had a surprise birthday party for the youth leader, Missy. It was cool and everything. At first, Josh was kind of hesitant to talk to anyone but me because he's from Springfield and I was the only person he knew there. Then Jess started talking to him and so did everyone else, so he got used to the youth after a while. After youth, Jess, Chris, Josh, and I went over to my house to change and stuff, then we went to one of our friends neighborhood pool after it was closed (we jumped the fence) and went swimming. We left about 11 and I took Chris home and went back to my house with Jess and Josh. Well anyways...we ate and put part of my dad's 1000 some odd piece puzzle together then went upstairs to watch "Liar Liar." Well, I was so freaking tired by that time that I just fell asleep before it even got to the funny parts, probably because I only got about 3 1/2 hours of sleep. Well, I fell asleep about 2 or so, and then woke up at 4:15. I didn't exactly wake up on my own. I was kinda of woken up by Jess and Josh talking. You see, I have a fold out bed in my couch and all three of us were on that, but I hate that bed so I got on the ground in front of the bed and watched the movie. So I was right in front of Jess and Josh. Well, Josh used to be this big huge person on doing stuff with girls, but he says that he's changed and started going to church and all that good stuff. Well, I woke up to them saying, "That wasn't a real kiss." So I opened my eyes and looked at them in enough time to see them kissing. And I just sat there kind of shocked for a few seconds, then they both stopped and looked at me, and they knew that I had seen everything. So I just subtlely smacked myself in the head with a pillow to cover my face and tried to go back to sleep. I don't like Josh, it's just that he said that he had changed and stuff, and there he is kissing someone he's only known for a few hours. I mean, I've done the same thing, but it's different. I don't exactly know why, but it is. I mean, Jess has a boyfriend above all, and it would crush him if he found out that she kissed someone else. Jess said that it didn't mean anything, so I guess I'll trust her. But like I've said before, it's hard to trust people. I'm not mad at them, just shocked. I mean, I didn't expect that to happen because she has a boyfriend and he knows that, so yeah. But it's like, I feel sort of left out, I mean, every single time I have a guy friend come with me to meet my friends and stuff, one of them will always flirt with him and then he'll pay more attention to them than they do to me. And the whole point of us getting together was to hang out with each other, not with everyone but each other. I don't know how I feel, I mean, I guess I'm more confused than anything because I don't understand why this always happens to me. I'm left out of a lot of things, and I've never really ever been able to understand why. I mean, I'm just like your everyday average teenage girl. I'm not a prep, but I'm not lost in all my sorrows. I'm average, and that's fine with me. I have a lot of friends and I'm nice to everyone so in case I need them down the road, they'll be there for me and vice versa. I don't know, maybe I'm looking at this from the wrong point of view. I don't know. All I know is that everything is my fault. Don't know how and don't know why, but in everything I do, if something goes wrong, it's my fault. It always gets traced back to me, somehow. Oh, well, I'm fine with it. I'm used to getting blamed for everything. I can take it, though, and I guess that's why God made me that way. Because people will be attracted to that in me, knowing that no matter how much life screws me over, that I'll overcome it because I'm strong like that, and then maybe that could get them to know Jesus. It's a risk I'm willing to take. But oh well. I guess I'm going to go now.
Little Me
Be_Not_Be

current mood: confused
current music: Punk Rawk Show by MXPX

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Sunday, August 10th, 2003
5:41 am - Getting tired
I'm getting kinda tired....and I still have to wake up in about 4 hours and 15 minutes...so yeah...I'm going to try and get some sleep. Thanks for anyone that has read these. In a way it's like I'm going to a therapy session without any interruptions. Lol! If anyone is in the same shoes I am..please let me know. I want to know that I'm not as weird and alone in my thinking as I think I am. Well, I'm going to hit the hay, or whatever that saying is.
Little Me,
Be_Not_Be

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5:16 am - While I'm listening to this song...
This is the song I jokingly sang to my friend, Kelly, when she started going out with this guy and all she could ever talk about was him, and when she's going to see him next, and when she'll talk to him next, and that she hasn't seen him or talked to him in this many days and hours, and I felt like he was taking her away...not on purpose, but she was letting him do it. Well, I sang this song to her in a joking manner one day and it because "our song." Well, they broke up and she started going out with this other guy and the same thing started to happen, but this time, he lives in the same city, so it's even more rediculous! (Ooh, wow, it just hit me that I'm getting a little tired...so I'll hurry and finish). Well, she started having sex with this guys and didn't want anyone to find out or anything, but then goes and brags about it to everyone in creation. Well, yeah, that got a little annoying. Well, she went without using a condom a few times, and every single time she did, she was worried about whether or not she was pregnant. I said that if she was worried then to quit having sex or use a condom! Well, she didn't listen to me then, but she never does, just like most people in my life. But that's a whole different story. Anyways...she keeps complaining about how when they have sex, she tells him no, but he keeps taking off her clothing, and so she goes ahead with it because he won't stop. UMM...HELLO?! IF HE DOESN'T STOP THEN GET UP AND LEAVE! AND IF THAT DOESN'T WORK, SLAP HIM ACROSS THE FACE AND LEAVE! OR BETTER YET, DON'T BE ALONE WITH THE GUY IF YOU KNOW HE WANTS SEX! It's plain and simple. But anyways...she keeps telling me that she doesn't think that he loves her and that he's only using her for sex. Well, here's another plain and simple thing....QUIT HAVING SEX WITH HIM AND SEE IF HE STILL STICKS AROUND! My gosh, it's not that hard to figure out. But then again, I think that she just does this for the attention. But a few weeks ago I spent the night at her house and a few days before she didn't use a condom and said that she was late on her period and thought that she was pregnant. Well, she got herself so worked up about it that she woke me up in the middle of the night asking me to go buy her a pregnancy test because she knew that she was pregnant and that she didn't know what she was going to do with her life is she were pregnant. Well, like I said before, quit having sex and your problems will disappear. She said that she wasn't going to have sex with him anymore...but I know how well she keeps promises, so I'll be hearing more of it in the next couple of weeks. But what pissed me off the most about her having sex with him, was that one day when I was at her house, he came over to see her, and I went and got on the computer so I wouldn't feel like the third wheel and they went into the guest bedroom and had sex, while I was in the house! That really pissed me off. But what really sent me head over heals was the she told me that they just sat there and watched t.v. the whole time and that nothing happened between them, and above all things...I found all this out when she was drunk! Well, anyways...she ignores me all the time for him, and I've gotten mad at her so many times for it. But you know, it doesn't really bother me that much anymore because I know that true friends don't do that to each other. She may be "getting me back" for messing around with her older brother...but the only reason stuff went on between the two of us was I was lonely that night I was longing for someone to touch my face the way he had that night, and when he did, I just completely melted. Well, anyways...that's yet another different story. I've apologized for that one and practically took myself out of her family's life for a while because I felt wrong and dirty about the whole thing. I admitted it, like 1 or 2 days after it had happened. She didn't even admit that she was spending to much time with her boyfriend and too much time ignoring me until after we ended our friendship over it, which was 2 weeks ago, but we're back to friends again, but she just admitted it today, or yesterday if you count the whole 12 thing. They've been going out since, um....like March or April, so that's at least like 5 months or something. She just doesn't understand that you can have a boyfriend and have a friend at the same time. Well, anyways...I don't think we'll ever be best friends again anyways...because I just recently started going to church again, and they said that I shouldn't get rid of all of my friends, but to make my best friends people that are christians because they're a better influence, and I don't think that someone that doesn't know if they're pregnant or not and ignores me over half the time is a good influence. I haven't said anything to her yet about this...but I figure she'll know sooner or later. I know that's not nice, but that's the only way I can think of without coming right out and saying it to her. Hey, I'm a good person to talk to for anyone who got this far... I mean, if you ever need to talk, you can always email me and I'll email you back if you'd like and help you out. Won't tell anyone, promise, and I never break promises. I'm known in my school for listening to people's problems and helping them out with them. (If you can't tell, I wanna be a psychologist). Well, yeah, here's my email addresses, so if you need to talk...you can reach me. weasel20052787@hotmail.com kc_mac0587@yahoo.com kcmac@vanity.com If you need help, talk to me. I guess I need someone to talk to, but as long as this is here, then I'm letting other people know that there's someone out there with similar problems..and that's all I need to know.
Little Me
Be_Not_Be

current mood: irritated
current music: You Were Mine by the Dixie Chicks

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5:12 am
Well, I just keep writing one after the other. I need my sleep. I know I've said that millions of times, but I can't sleep! It's driving me friggin insane! Well, anyways. Why is it that people feel it necessary to make fun of me all of the time? I mean, yes, I don't catch on as quickly, but that doesn't give them the right. No one has the right to make fun of anyone. What makes me even more mad is when people who go to church make fun of others. I mean, is that hypocritical or what? I mean, these people are people of God, and they poke fun at people. That kinda pisses me off a little. Do people not realize that it hurts when one is made fun of? Even though they may not show it, it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. I mean, I can't remember how many times I went crying to my best bud, Matt, after lunch because everyone at my lunch table (a table full of guys) was making fun of me. I mean, I'd tell them that it was bothering me and they kept doing it. Do they want to see me cry? I mean, that's what they did. None of them even ever apologized, except for when I sat there and they saw the tears in my eyes. But that's not the point. It's much harder to cut someone down then it is to build someone back up. It says in Proverbs 12:18 "Careless word stab like a sword. But wise words bring healing." And in Proverbs 18:8 it says "The words of a gossip are like tasty bits of food. People take them all in." It doesn't matter if you're doing it in a joking way or not...that's not the point. The point is, that rather than be a dick to someone, be there angel. Build them up and be there for them when they need you. Don't go talking behind their back. That'll make things worse. And if someone tells you a secret, that doesn't mean you tell one other person, it means that it's kept between the two people. The whole school shouldn't end up finding out.












Little Me,
Be_Not_Be

current mood: pissed off
current music: You Were Mine by the Dixie Chicks

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4:33 am
I sit in my room
upon my bed,
Trying to get rid
of the things in my head.
I think of you
and of how you helped,
Helped heal this huge,
painful welp.
The one in my heart
that just won't go away,
Sometimes it feels
like it's here to stay.
As the tears run down my face
and wet my cheeks,
I think about
the past few weeks.
Of how we laughed,
joked, and played,
But now it's useless
and I feel betrayed.
You said that you'd wait
and I believed you,
I didn't think that this
was something you'd do.
I'm still hurt because
you lied to me,
This isn't how
it's supposed to be.
We're supposed to be cheerful
and carefree,
Not mad, upset
and unhappy.
I love you so much
you'll never even know
That what your'e doing
hurts me so.
This happens every time
so it's nothing new,
But why does it always
make me feel so blue?
I end this now in
confusion and cluelessness,
In hopes that some day
this'll be over with.

(I know that the last two phrases don't rhyme, but who really cares right now? I mean, I was never known for my poetic abilities. Well, at least I don't think so. I need to get some sleep. I'm getting dilerious. I have to wake up in 4 hours for church. I HATE INSOMNIA! And if it's not insomnia, then I HATE THINGS GOING THROUGH MY HEAD WHEN I WANT TO GET SOME GOSH DARN SLEEP!)

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3:15 am
Insomnia is such a bitch! I can't sleep and I have church in the morning. I have to be up at 9:00. It's now 3:15. How am I going to go to sleep? I have so many things going through my head right now, it's not even funny. I'm so freaking frustrated. It seems like I can't ever do anything right! I blew up at Joe last night, one of my close guy friends tried to go down my pants while he thought I was sleeping last night (yeah, what a friend), my dad's gone to St. Louis with my little sis for her National American Miss Pageant along with two of her friends, and I'm home alone, which freaks me out because I live out in the middle of nowhere. I mean, I have nothing to do. But the thing that driving me insane is that Joe told Amber that he felt like he just lost his best friend. That's me. I didn't tell him that we were no longer friends. I told him how I felt about him and Amber going back out. This is the third time, and she's broken up with him twice, and I don't want him to get hurt again. I mean, I love Amber to death, but I don't like the way she treats him. It's fine in the beginning, but after a few months, she starts ingnoring him, then makes up excuses not to see him, and it kills me because he's one of my closest friends. Let me start from the beginning. Joe was my first love. That was freshman year. Almost two years ago. I still love him, but as a friend. I mean, there'll always be a place in my heart for Joe, so that could be why I'm so protective over him. Well, I found out recently that I may skip a grade in highschool because I have 17 credits, and you have to have 17-24 to be a senior...so they said that they're classifying me as a Senior. Well, I haven't talked to the counselors yet, so I don't know if I'm graduating early or what. But I told Joe that last night after is was done working (it was about 11:30 p.m.), and the look on his face immediately went from happy to depressed. I took him aside from everyone that was there and asked him what was wrong. He said that he doesn't want me to graduate early because I wouldn't be there for his Senior year, and that after this year, I'll just be gone, and I'll forget about him. I told him that if I weren't to graduate early, then he'd be leaving me after senior year. He's going off to the military to fly a plane and won't be back for a few years. "Do you know how that makes me feel Joe? Knowing that after senior year, my best friend is leaving and I won't see him for a few years, not even a letter because he'll be too busy?" "It's not going to be like that Casey." "Yes it is, Joe, that's how things always are in my life." Then the subject changed after that to him and Amber. I know him better than he knows himself, and I know how he's feeling right now. He doesn't realize right now that I'm right about this, but he will realize it sooner or later..hopefully sooner than later. I probably shouldn't have said anything...but I told him that he isn't acting on feelings that he has for her right now. He's acting on feelings that he used to have, but he thinks that he still has, which he doesn't. How would I know that, you might ask? Well, that's how Joe is. he doesn't want to be alone, so when he finds that someone likes him, he immediately starts liking them. If you knew who Joe was, then you would understand. But he walked away from me, and when he did that, tears immediately formed in my eyes, and I got into my car and left. When he walked away from me, it felt like what I had to say wasn't as important as Amber is to him. Something I didn't clarify earlier: when Joe gets a girlfriend, he ignores me to be with them. He stops calling and practically stops talking to me in order to put all of his energy towards his girlfriend. It kills me because he's been doing it to me for almost 4 years. That's why I get so worked up over all of his girlfriends. When that happens, I feel like I've lost MY best friend. But what I don't understand is how he feels like he's lost me? I mean, is it the whole highschool thing, or that he knows that I know the truth about how he feels and doesn't want to admit it? I know that seems harsh and I sound like a rude, crude bitch, but I'm sorry, I can't help it. Oh my gosh, it sounds like I'm still in love with him. Maybe I am, but maybe it's just that I feel so strongly about him. I mean, when he hurts, I hurt, when he's happy, I'm happy. No matter what happens I know that I'm screwed, because if they break up because of this, Amber will be mad at me, and if they don't, Joe will be mad at me. It's a lose-lose situation for me. That's how everything is for me. No matter what, I'm never doing anything to make someone happy. I live in a glass bowl that everyone is looking in on and judging every move I make. Well, that's enough depressing myself for one night, and making myself even more frustrated. Well, I'm out. Buhbye for now.
Little Me,
Be_Not_Be

current mood: frustrated
current music: Kamikaze by Five Iron Frenzy

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