Maybe i don't wanna be like you...'s Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
Maybe i don't wanna be like you...

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I'm back, but i never left... [10 Nov 2003|06:09pm]
So yeah i'm back mainly because there's alot of things i need to whinge about and this is the only private place to whinge. Firstly he's still going out with her seriously its insane. But on the other hand i've had two boyfriends since then and am still seeing someone at the moment but yeah i'm still hung up on him and yes it still sucks. But its so odd because since i've been seeing other people he actually admitted to being jealous to me and called Alex an "entertaining commodity" which was amusing but then he's still with her.
Gah i'm a cow i have this pattern emerging i like someone i get with them im happy for a month then i get bored and someone new comes along and at the moment its Si, yeah Si is interested in me and yes its mad i know because he's so fuckin incredibly fit and i'm well not. But yeah im seeing andy so i shouldnt really
do this.
fuck the deceit

Do you notice i'm gone? [09 Aug 2003|10:17am]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | Propagandhi-Refusing to be a man ]

So this is a rant about him, about how he probably doesn't even miss me about how he's probably with some stupid french girl and the only person he's probably kept in regular contact with is her, and by the sounds of it that aint the only person she's kept in contact with. It just sucks i missed him so much last ni9ght walking home with all the lads from that party and it was like if he was here we'd have been going home now, and how it would have been a boss night if he'd have been there, i mean it was good anyway but like almost everything else it just aint the same without him. And now i'm scared that when he gets back he's just going to forget i exist entirely and spend all his time with the two Ben's or hanging round Greenbank. *sigh* I remember lying next to him right with him holding me and him saying that he was never gonna leave me and the idea of leaving me scared the shit out of him to well seems a bit hollow at the minute. I now have to buy Drew a new DVD thanks to my own idiotic actins but ah whatever.
By the way if you want my more happy journal than go to www.ujournal.org/users/rayluvstim
Ray
xXx

1 fake heart bleeding| fuck the deceit

Your starter for ten... [06 Aug 2003|03:04pm]
[ mood | complacent ]
[ music | Lightyear-They Left Today ]

So the question is, is it a bad idea to concentrate so fully on making one relationship perfect that you sacrifice the others? Something i'm a bit of an expert on and i'd have to say in a word yes. I knew it would be like when he left i knew since January seven months ago, but instead of maybe cooling down a bit with him an concentrating of some of my other friends i did the exact opposite i tried to cement our bond further in the hope that maybe he wouldn't go or more likely that when he'd come back he'd still remember me, well as it looks like neither of those will happen i am going to have to take some kind of direct action. I mean it isn't like i have no friends dammit i have plenty, i have ok true only a few i'm really close to but i can go to a gig and quite happily chat to different people every night and i usually know at least one person in every band playing. But i don't know somethings missing, a proper crew one i can go down the Krazyhouse or Le Bateau's on a friday night with one's i can go shopping in town with who'll spend equal amounts of time on clothes and CD's i dunno maybe i'm selfish i mean i do have a crew and they're lovely people i dunno i'd just like maybe one with more shared interests (i.e. the lads in France) But i dunno i miss the kind of bond i had with Sophia, yer know the proper best friends who's a girl kind, but it was my choice i chose him and now i have to live with it, right?
Laters
Ray
xXx

fuck the deceit

Starry nights hurt the most... [03 Aug 2003|12:48am]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | Good Riddance-One for the braves ]

Shooting stars pile of crap right? Well i dunno first time anything happened between Sagar and me i saw a shooting star and he told me to make a wish and i did and yer know what it kinda came true. Looking back to before i realise how pretty fuckin perfect our relationship was and how i had no right to complain back then, we really did have it good even when we were fighting at least we were close and fighting shows u care. Now there's none of that just a big empty void were he once was and it doesn't help by her parading round lecturing on punk rock in borrowed clothes fuckin makes me sick to the stomach even though i know it won't last. I guess its just he's my first love and geh i want him back.
Night
Ray
xXx

fuck the deceit

Well hello there... [02 Aug 2003|12:05am]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Rise Against-Black Masks and Gasoline ]

So this is my new journal, yes i've moved on again dunno why just felt the need, i want this one to be more private needs somewhere to put stuff down.
Yeah so Sagar's been gone just over a week and i miss him like fuck i mean really badly, he's fuckin everything to me it sucks because i honestly thought i was getting over him but obviously not. I dunno maybe i'm not meant to just yet, but after all the shit that went on before he left maybe the break is a good thing just don't seem like it.
I've just started to worry about my GCSE results and how i didn't do as well as i could have done and why is my whole fuckin life about not acheiving my potential?
And yes i will whinge in this journal and if you don't like i'd sttop reading now.
Love to all the punk rockers and moon stompers out there
Ray
xXx

fuck the deceit

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