Lucy's Blurty
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Lucy's Blurty:

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    Thursday, November 13th, 2003
    4:09 pm
    FINALLY...My Take on the GC Situation
    My poor Blurty, I've neglected you. Please forgive me? LMAO. Yeah, Jackie and I went to TRL yesterday. We caused all kinds of mischief there. We went for GC who was stopping by but we didn't see them. Big surprise *rolls eyes*. It's okay though, I didn't expect to see them anyway. I didn't even wanna go at first but the slight chance of saying hi and just to show support motivated me. So instead of seeing GC, we saw P.O.D. WHOO! I'm so stoked about it. Gotta love Sonny and Wuv. Give it up for them. I told Johanna and she was freakin' out 'cuz she loves them. She and I have liked P.O.D. for about 2 years now. I told Jenn who was pretty surprised. Not more than me and Jackie though lol. I've been pretty...I don't know what the word is for my mood as of late. I'm not depressed but I'm not fully happy either. My emotions have been very bipolar-like. One minute I'm happy, next I'm not. I don't know what's wrong with me. Like a good example, on Sunday we went to see Johanna's friend's band Stiffler. I was paying no mind to anything. My mind was in a completely different universe. Yet Johanna (who is usually the one who's mind is on other things) was fully attentive to everything that was happening. I guess she and I switched places. *shrugs* Who knows? It ain't me, that's for sure. I just hope that things lighten up and that I get all my college stuff done with NO problems. *sigh* I'm hopeless. Anyways, so yeah, I saw the new GC video for "Hold On" and it's the SHIT!! It's very powerful and beautiful and moving and I love it. I adore it. Finally, something to shut people up! Hopefully it will do so 'cuz I'm sick of hearing people talk all this crap about GC and GC fans. People need to realize that not all of us are teenies. I'll be damned if I be put in the category of those stupid little girls who look for a piece of ass from one of the Madden twins instead of looking for a meaning behind the words that those two put on paper. If they want a piece of ass, they should go find Simple Plan because I'm sure Pierre would have no problem with lending his services to the needy. And another thing I hate is how the teenies make it seem like it's all about Benji and Joel. It's really not. It's about the BAND and the last time I checked there were 5 people in it. Honestly, I've been hearing so much about how Joel and Benji are acting like pricks and it makes me wanna give up (especially because my friends have been victims of one of Joel's "moods") but then I think of Paul, Luda and Billy and I think about how they haven't been blinded by all the bullshit. And then I realize I have to keep going. Especially for Luda because he gives the most attitude to MTV, people like him give me hope. But Billy and Paul I've heard are still sweet and that makes me feel really good because I still want my hug from him. I haven't met them yet but I really want to meet them to show that there still are REAL fans of theirs who haven't lost all hope for their sake. It's sad to see how people have given up on them and how these kids who have no idea what the hell REAL PUNK is think that they can call themselves "Punk" without being caught by kids who know the truth. It's just very sad and very unfortunate that the kids who have gone through so much and put up with all this shit from the teenies, from the media, from the mainstream and from Good Charlotte themselves still haven't gotten their chance. Kids who have been fans before "Lifestyles Of The Rich & Famous" was even a thought still haven't met them and that's sad. In all honesty, I feel guilty about it because I've met the twins and I've only been a fan for a year. But what attracted me to them was the fact that they said what they had to say and didn't give a shit. To me, that takes balls and I appreciate that and I admire that. At least, I'm not all for going up to Benji and screaming, "OH MY GOD I WANNA HAVE YOUR BABIES". I'm sad about the fact that I discovered GC's music at the same time that a bunch of posers did. But I'm very proud of the fact that I'm not like those teenies. I love GC for MUSIC not for "how hot Joel is". Who gives a shit about how hot Joel is??? They're here to play music for us, not to sit around and look pretty and nothing makes me happier than knowing that I realize that when other people don't. So to all the teenies out there, I'd like to send them a message...FUCK YOU!!! You all say "GC Forever" or "I'll be a GC Fan until the day I die" but as soon as the next trend comes along, you'll be replacing Good Charlotte with another band's name when you profess you're undying loyalty to them while you run to the nearest thrift shop to copy the latest new fashion craze. And only then, the fans...the REAL, the TRUE fans will still be there. They'll still be camping out, hanging out after shows, supporting the band for good reasons and being who they are in all their glory. The glory they DESERVE.

    Current Mood: accomplished
    Current Music: Screamer-Good Charlotte (the best song they've ever done)
    Thursday, November 6th, 2003
    10:50 am
    ...Please don't go away...
    Yesterday was a good day. I'll say that. I found out from Jenny that Linkin Park, Blink 182 and Brand New are playing at Hammerstein for K-Rock's Clausfest. I REALLY WANNA GO! I've been wanting to see Linkin Park for the LONGEST TIME. And Blink too since like junior high. And OF COURSE Brand New is the shit. They're great. I guess if we get tickets, that's what we'll be doing to celebrate me, Jenny and Jackie's birthdays. Well, Clausfest is two nights so let's see who's playing the second night. If that night is better, then we'll TRY and go to that one. Jenn says she's going to both nights if the second is good too. And last night they premiered The Starting Line's new video "Leaving". It's great. Insanely great. I loved it. So yeah, it looks like we're giving up on seeing Something Corporate since tickets are sold out. But we're still standing outside. See what happens. I still wanna meet them. So many great bands show up here. I love living in New York. It really is the greatest city in the world. Without a doubt.

    Current Mood: excited
    Current Music: Drinking For 11-Mad Caddies
    Monday, November 3rd, 2003
    10:31 pm
    ...How can you ask for me to stay when all you ever do is go? Just go...
    So, depression decided to visit me again and brought along its joy of joys. Looks like sarcasm came back too, hello again. I feel like stir fried shit and I've felt it for a couple of days. Jenny, get the 44. I need it right about now. I've also been doing a lot of thinking. Whoop dee doo. *twirls finger in the air* I'm not even in the mood to go see GC when they come to town again, ME! Not in the mood to see GC! It's Luda and I don't wanna see him. I'm not even in the mood to see SoCo. ME!! They're my BAND, my FAVORITE band for Christ's sake. Now you know I'm in deep shit. I haven't stopped listening to "Leaving Through The Window". Thank God for that CD, I don't know what I'd do without it. That's my comfort CD. It's kinda like the soundtrack to my whole life. Probably because I listen to it so fucking much. And by the way, God bless Something Corporate for becoming a band because my life would be shit without them. I've realized so much listening to their lyrics and I've come to many a conclusion and had many a great thought listening to them and whoever thinks that they suck doesn't know what the hell REAL music is. I'm sorry but that's my opinion and I stand by it. Without music my life would be a waste (but according to my father and stepmother, it already is so fuck it).

    Yeah for music (Amen to that, I love the brain behind that quote for sayin' that shit 'cuz no one has ever said it better than the man, the myth, the legendary Clutch)

    Current Mood: crappy
    Current Music: You're Gone-Something Corporate
    Tuesday, October 21st, 2003
    4:56 pm
    ...Sp!kE iS nOw RaMbLiNg...
    For some reason, I've been writing a lot lately. It feels nice though, to get that release. Especially with the roller coaster my emotions have been on as of late. I just hope that what I've been writing turns out to be a really good thing for me and the girls (meaning Johanna and Jackie). There's so much that I have in my head yet, I just don't say it. I don't have the slightest clue why. Maybe it's 'cuz I'm scared, or untrusting of those who will hear it, or just don't want to, or feel like saving something for myself or...I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. To me, it's all just a great way of getting things out. I've been feeling different. Not in a bad way, just in a...different way lol, sorry for being repetitive. I feel sort of at peace or one with myself (I guess). I feel comfortable in my emotions (not in my own skin, that's a whole other issue). I feel like there's gonna be a whole bunch of stuff on my plate soon. Right now, it kinda seems like preparations for it. I just hope it's some good stuff comin' to me 'cuz I'm so tired of being depressed. I just wanna be happy, go to shows, be with my friends, get all my shit straight (with school and with my side project lol) and have a damn good time. Alright, that's all the rambling, I'm gonna be doing for now. I'll probably check back later.

    Current Mood: peaceful
    Current Music: Opinions-Mest
    Thursday, September 11th, 2003
    12:55 pm
    2 Year Anniversary
    Well, today's September 11th. It's been 2 years since World Trade came down. It doesn't feel like it's been that long. This morning I woke up, knowing exactly what I was doing two years ago. I was in Manhattan that day, near the Empire State Building. I saw what happened. When I spoke to Johanna this morning, I told her, "Isn't it funny that on both of the anniversaries it looked just like it did that day?". I'm not gonna talk about it anymore. It's sad. I was at the Yankee game last night with my cousin. I didn't expect to go but my dad called me up and said that his friend had given him tickets and so me and my cousin went. It was a great time. We beat the Tigers 15-5. We were in box seats on the left field side. Near Matsui. Some awesome shit went on last night at that game. I saw these 3 guys, one bald guy who looked like Vin Diesel (I thought it was really him), another guy at the food court who looked like Chuck and another guy who passed by me that looked like Cyrus. It freaked me out. I've been really mellow today and I think it's gonna stay that way. I'm supposed to go to my dad's house today so looks like not much else going on until I go to a play with my stepmom tomorrow. Other than that, same old shit going on. I'm thinking of asking my dad about going to the shows but I'm still not sure if I should do it so soon. Oh well, if he acts mean about it I'll tell him that he let me go to see the Yanks so why not to see The Starting Line and GC. That's all for now.

    Rest In Peace to all those who lost their lives that September morning two years ago. Heaven gained a lot of angels that day.

    Current Mood: mellow
    Current Music: The Innocent-Goldfinger, Mest and Good Charlotte
    Monday, August 11th, 2003
    10:28 am
    My Adventures At Warped Tour
    It’s been two days since Warped Tour. I remember putting my entries on this thing about how it was gonna suck and how I was gonna have a lame ass time and all that stuff. Well, here’s the verdict…Warped Tour was FUCKING AMAZING! I swear to God, I’ve never had more fun in my entire life. Saturday was the best day ever. Here’s what happened…
    I woke up at 6:30 am to eat breakfast before my little cousin came downstairs so my mom could babysit her for a little while. Loca called me before I took a shower saying that she got the message I had left her the night before telling her to meet Johanna and Jackie at the train at 9am. We talked for a few minutes and after we hung up I had did everything I had to do. (By the way I was wearing a black AFI t-shirt, green cargos, green and yellow Skechers and a red headband.) At 9:25, Johanna called me saying that Loca wasn’t there yet and that since the L train wasn’t working they would be taking the shuttle bus to my neighborhood. We hung up and I called Johanna back saying that we could take the bus to my dad’s house. She agreed and she said that Loca had just gotten there and that they were going on the bus. I called my dad and told him to meet us at the bus stop and he agreed too. After not waiting too long, Johanna called me up saying they were walking to my house and requested some gel and black nail polish for Loca and a bag of chips for Johanna. I went outside with some gel in my hand, a bag of White Cheddar popcorn and a bottle of black nail polish in the other hand. Then I saw the girls walking down the block. Johanna wore The Used t-shirt that I bought her, red cargo capris and her black Chucks. Jackie wore a blue jersey shirt, gray UFO pants and her Chucks. Loca wore a white wifebeater, blue jeans and sneakers. Johanna and I also gave her some of our bracelets. I was asked about the popcorn, gel and nail polish and I showed it to them. Johanna ran up to me and gave me a huge hug. After I handed out the stuff, we began walking to the bus stop around the corner from my house. Johanna and I started play fighting about The Used. I yelled out, “Fuck The Used”. I got a dirty look from her and she said, “You know what? Fuck Rancid!” She started running away from me and I chased her down the block. We ran into the bodega at the corner and I punched her on the arm as she went to get a Pepsi. Once she had bought her stuff, we walked over to the stop and waited for the bus, a couple of seconds later realizing that one had just passed. We laughed and joked until the bus came about 10 minutes later. (During this time, I used Joe’s cell to call my dad and tell him we were now on our way.) The bus came and we just joked the whole ride. Loca painted her nails as we were on the ride but she still joked. We were so loud I think we pissed off the driver. I think we even scared the passengers (oh well). At the last stop, we got off (not before Jackie busted her ass in the middle of the bus). We got out and waited for my dad to show up. Once I stepped foot off the bus I started saying “We are here in the ocean looking for…LOST FISHES” (with the French accent that my boy Tiny J made famous) and I had the girls cracking with my famous “Drunk Girl”. Then, my dad showed up in a cab. All I could think at that point was “Thank God, maybe we won’t be as late as I thought we’d be”. On the ride, my dad had to tell us to quiet down so many times it was hilarious.
    We got to Randalls Island at about 10:30. The first thing we saw was the long ass line. We were in awe of it. Johanna asked, “This is Warped Tour?” and I said “Yup.” It was insane how many people showed up especially since I’d never been to something so big. We got out of the car and began the walk to the line. As we walked, we saw our friend Janice from the GC/NFG show in April. We were all so surprised and so happy to see her. I was really happy to see her because she stayed with me in the back at the Hammerstein show and it was nice to see her again. She was like “C’mon in the line with me and my friend, people have been letting their friends cut all morning, why the fuck can’t I?” We thanked her (this I guess was our repayment for letting her cut at the GC/NFG show) and stayed with her and her friend. As we waited on line, we exchanged insane stories, information for shows and e-mail addresses to keep in touch. Finally, at 12, the line started moving. I was so happy. At one point, we were standing next to a whole bunch of tour buses that were behind a fence. One of them had a sign that said “Patrick Swayze” on it. Johanna saw it and immediately whispered to me, “That’s The Used’s tour bus because they always put that sign up and when they perform they say ‘Fuck Patrick Swayze’”. I was so happy when she said that. It took a while for us to get inside but we did after like 20 minutes.
    When we got in, the first sound I heard was a drum kit from a band that had already started playing (we found out that it was Mad Caddies). Walking in the place was a…humbling experience because it was so big, I didn’t know where to even start. The first thing we did was buy $10 disposable cameras. When we saw a girl with a program book, we asked where to get one and she said they were free at the Alternative Press tent and directed us to it. We walked to it and when we saw a clipboard with the times and stages where bands would be playing, we marked down all the bands we wanted to see. I wanted to see The Starting Line at 1:00 but the girls wanted to see Brand New. Since I was outnumbered, we went to see Brand New at the stage that was near us. They started the set and it was acoustic. I was disappointed in the fact that it sucked. So we ran over to the Brian Stage to see The Starting Line but first we had to wait for my dad to buy water. As we started walking there, I noticed a couple of guys walk by me, one being a tall kid with “AAR” tattooed on his chest. That was when I did a double take and realized that The All American Rejects had walked right next to me. I told the girls and they were like, “Holy Shit”. It was so funny. We kept on walking and The Used tent was in front of us so of course, Johanna had to stop there. It was at the tent that I heard the sound of Kenny Vasoli’s voice. I flipped out and hurried Johanna up. Once she had gotten a sticker we ran around the tent and saw the stage. Once I laid eyes on Kenny, I ran to get a closer look, not knowing I would end up front row to the far right (Matt Watts’ side). I was flipping out, screaming and singing along to the last notes of “Up and Go”. The girls and my dad followed me. The boys played “Given The Chance”, “Leaving”, “Left Coast Envy”, “A Goodnight’s Sleep” and “The Best of Me” (all bands had a half hour long set). All the girls enjoyed themselves, even my dad did too. There were a couple of times that we had to move out of the way of a mosh pit that had formed. It was worth it though because the guys were amazing and Kenny had some fuckin’ funny jokes. Kenny was like, “Yeah, we’re takin’ this shit today” and everybody flipped. Before “A Goodnight’s Sleep”, Kenny said, “This next song is about my ex-girlfriend because she’s a SLUT!” and we all laughed and cheered. I was talking to Johanna about Mike Golla during the song and she goes, “Oh shit, he looked at you just now”. I looked up and saw him smiling. Oh my God, for what was that? When I saw Matt, the only thing I could think was “Dammit, he’s hot”. I was yelling out “Do the damn thing Kenny” and me and Loca yelled out “Hell yeah Kenny”. It was funny as hell. Kenny was smiling ear to ear the entire set. So, when they were done, we stayed at that stage waiting for Simple Plan’s 2 o’clock set. As the guitar tech was tuning Sebastien Lefebvre and Jeff Stinco’s guitars, he started playing the beginning notes to AFI’s “The Leaving Song Part 2”. Johanna started flipping out thinking that AFI was on the next stage but I said, “No dude, they’re not here. That’s the guitar tech here playing that riff.” We waited for SP and finally, they came out with a bang. Honestly, I know Pierre is a dick but he makes a sexy blonde. I hate the fact that he acts the way he acts sometimes but whatever that’s beside the point. They played “God Must Hate Me”, “Worst Day Ever”, “Addicted”, “You Don’t Mean Anything”, “Grow Up” and “I’d Do Anything”. David looked great with his pink eye makeup. Even Pierre said it, he said, “David, you look cute today”. We all laughed and cheered. Being one Sebastien’s side was cool since at Irving Plaza I was on David’s and I didn’t get to see Seb too much that day. Now I did and his Spider-Man boxers were flashing everywhere lol. But the funniest thing was this chick that was flipping the bird at the boys and saying that they suck as she was crowdsurfing. Pierre said, “You know, I see this girl who’s crowdsurfing and giving us the finger, saying that we suck and I just wanna say, we suck but we suck well don’t we?” and we all cheered. Then she gave David the finger and David says, “Hey, this next song is for your mom, tell her I said hi”. I was rollin’ when he said that. They did a pretty decent job. After that, Jackie wanted to meet Simple Plan at the AP tent but Johanna, Loca and I wanted to go see the Used. Jackie wanted to see SP so bad so I sacrificed seeing The Used so that she wouldn’t go alone. I kinda regret that but whatever. I stayed online with here while All American Rejects were signing. As she held the spot I walked up to the front of the tent to see them. I saw them and the drummer Chris Gaylor waved and smiled at me and he didn’t stop either. I was lovin’ it lol. He was adorable and he’s been my favorite of them for a while. I was looking at Nick Wheeler, Mike Kennerty and Tyson Ritter and wavin’ my hand fanning myself as a gesture of them being hot and I noticed Chris laughing at me. I smiled and waved goodbye and he returned the wave. I went back to the line fanning myself again. Jackie saw me and said, “You took mad long”. I was like, “Damn, they’re hot”. We waited but then it was time for them to go, so we stayed to line up for SP. At around 3, I could hear screaming from behind us and I knew it was Rancid playing their set. I was like “Oh shit that’s fucking Rancid”. Then after 3:30, I heard more screaming and I knew that scream. It was the one and only Bert McCracken of The Used. I said to Jackie, “Johanna and Loca must be spazzing out right now”. I kept on silently hoping they were up front until my dad said that they were. I was fucking thrilled that Johanna finally got to see Bert, Brandon, Quinn and Jeph. As we waited, we were watching 3 bands play simultaneously. But one of the lead singers had gotten on top of the barricade and walked across it like a tightrope then he threw himself into the pit. It fucking rocked. Then at about 4, SP still hadn’t gotten there yet but Johanna and Loca did. I told them to tell me everything after the signing because at that point SP was just walking in. They cut in back of Jackie and I. When I got to the table, I notice that David wasn’t there. I was pissed but I didn’t show it. I said hi to Jeff, Chuck and I shook hands, Seb answered the phone so I didn’t say anything but Pierre took my program book to sign before Seb did. I was mad at him but when Pierre finished, I said, “Later kid” and he said “Ok, later”. I walked out and went to the girls. Johanna and Loca started telling me that they did Braveheart at the Suicide Machines pit, they did Walls Of Steel on an ice cream truck (the poor driver ran scared), they moshed at Rancid’s pit, Bert mooned them, the boys were amazing and that there was only one problem. Bert and Quinn jumped at the same time so Bert’s hand collided with the top piece of Quinn’s guitar and that hit not only broke off the top part of Quinn’s guitar but it also broke two of Bert’s fingers onstage. I couldn’t believe it when she told me. She said that he was bleeding everywhere and that at one point, he lay down on the floor screaming in pain but he still continued with the set. I commend that personally. I think that was fucking trooper-like of him. As the girls stopped at the Epitaph booth, I was standing with my Epitaph bag that my dad had gotten for Jackie and I when we were on the line for SP. Then I started singing The Used’s song “Bulimic” (the part that says “Goodbye to you, goodbye to you”) and this hot ass kid throws up the horns and sings the rest of the line as he walks by me with a big grin on his face (“You’re takin’ up my time”). It was fuckin’ hilarious. I loved it. Then we walked to get Jackie who had gone back to the tent to watch SP sign more stuff for kids. After that, it was off to the All American Rejects stage (lol). We decided to stand in the back. It was then that I started having killer cramps, I couldn’t take it so I sat down on the floor trying to cope with it. The smell of weed didn’t help it either. I heard the band start playing and Loca said, “Look, the drummer’s playing in his boxers”. I immediately got up and looked over at him. I yelled out “Hell yeah Chris”. I shouted out Tyson too. In that pit, we saw Janice and her friends. We stood with them the whole set, we danced and sang along to the songs. We were the loudest kids in the back but we didn’t care. “The Last Song” sounded fucking great. After that was done, we said goodbye to the girls in case we didn’t see them and that we’d e-mail each other. With that we started walking to the Free Water Truck that had pumps to drink water from. We got there and I drank all the water I could. As I went to the other girls, I saw Janice again. She was telling me in Spanish, “Pero de dije que me deje quieta (I told you to leave me alone), why are you following me?” and I was like, “Oh please, you wish. What you gonna do about it mama?” and we starting playfighting. While we were there at the truck, we saw the mud people show up. It was funny. We started walking and saw this kid with a sign that said “Free Hugs or Kisses” and Loca hugged him and got a kiss on the cheek from him, Johanna hugged him and I hugged him. I said, “I’ll hug you ‘cuz you like Finch” (I was acknowledging his t-shirt) and he was like “Hell Yeah”. After that run-in, we went to Less Than Jake’s stage. Face To Face were playing and we watched them, they were good. Once they had finished I was there in the pit for a while during the set up of the stage but I got scared. I saw some of the hardcore kids coming in and I was like, “Dad I’m getting out, I’ll stand over there to the side”. And so I went. I was alone but listening to Less Than Jake was cool. They started playing and the skateboarders were on the vert ramp nearby, so as I watched and listened some kid stood next to me. He said, “What’s up” and I nodded my head at him. Then he asked me what I had in my bag and I said I had stuff in there. He was like, “You don’t like this music?” and I said, “Yeah”. Then he asked, “So why aren’t you in there?” and I said, “Because I’m really tired.” He nodded and went off into the pit. Less Than Jake were funny as hell. The lead singer Chris goes, “Hey right now we’re at Randalls Island and right now, you’re standing on garbage and shit” and everyone cheered. Then the bass player/singer Roger (aka Johanna’s bitch) said, “Yeah me too”. Chris started talking about how he was looking forward to three shows on Warped Tour: Philadelphia, Randalls Island and Asbury Park, NJ and that Philadelphia’s show sucked. He said that he was giving out commands to jump and that they didn’t listen. He was like, “Man, they can’t take commands for shit. They’re retarded in Philadelphia”. I was cracking up. He was talking shit about them it was fucking funny. They did “All My Best Friends Are Metalheads” and I was happy ‘cuz my metalhead best friend was front row for them. They were wonderful as always. After LTJ we went to wait for The Ataris’ set at 7pm (our final set of the day). It was an hour till their set so we watched Pennywise play their set as we drank huge cups of water that my dad bought. They were awesome. I was fucking happy to see The Ataris from the back. I told the girls and my dad that the Ataris pit is insane and I don’t wanna go because I didn’t wanna get hit. But when Pennywise was done, they all moved to the front with me tagging along. I was like fine, if I’m gonna be in the front then I’m gonna see them well. About 10 minutes before the set was scheduled to start, we stood up from the cardboard boxes that we were sitting on. I was standing there, anxious for the guys to play and that was when I saw Kris Roe come out to tune his guitar. I went stupid when I saw him. I was 2 seconds away from crying. He was so beautiful to look at it was mind-boggling. Johanna was standing next to me and she knew I was spazzing. I couldn’t believe it. Then he smiled at someone and I completely flipped out. I yelled out “Do the damn thing Kris”. I really couldn’t believe that I was standing front row for the Ataris. Then Johnny Collura and Mike Davenport came out. I couldn’t see Chris “Kid” Knapp ‘cuz he was on the back pounding on the kit. That was when they started. Oh my God, it was fucking incredible. They played “Your Boyfriend Sucks”, “San Dimas High School Football Rules”, “In This Diary”, “I Won’t Spend Another Night Alone”, “Unopened Letter To The World” and (according to Kris, “the greatest song we never wrote”) “The Boys Of Summer”. They let a guy named Phil come up onstage and play with them. It was fucking awesome. As people crowdsurfed, we gave them high fives or threw up the horns at them as the went by us. There was this one guy with a GC tattoo on his back that kept on coming back, another guy that kissed Loca and Joe on the cheek (I backed away from him), and another guy that called Loca hot. But the best part was when Janice went by us. We flipped out and she showed us that her glasses had broken when she crowdsurfed. Then we all gave her high fives. It was a great feeling. When The Ataris were done we started heading towards the free water truck to get some water before leaving. We got there but my dad saw kids washing the mud off so we just walked away. Johanna and Loca then decided to head towards the Port-a-Potties so they could use the bathroom before the long ride back. We went to them and they were disgusting. I thought I would go last but when I saw just how nasty they were, there was no way in hell I was going in there. We walked away and saw Jackie lying on the grass. The girls and I laughed ‘cuz she looked so tired. But we got her up and my dad said, “We have to finish Lucy’s camera so go crazy on the grass”. Loca jumped on Jackie’s back and I hit Loca on the ass with my program book. Then we all just ran, chased each other, spun around, danced, moshed to the bands still playing, screamed and all of this while there was a major thunderstorm coming in. It was so much fun. Once the roll of film was done, we began making our way out of Randalls Island. We were walking out and ran over to this pit where some major moshing was going on and we rocked out until my dad was telling us to come on. So we went towards the exit with a huge group of kids. Loca and I decided to start a Blanco Meow chant. When we got out the gate we walked towards the Queens-bound bus over the bridge. We got into the packed bus through the back exit and hung out in the tiny stairwell. I looked out the window and threw up the horns to kids as the bus went by. Every kid I saw threw it back up at me or waved goodbye. It was so nice to be with my people and it relieved me. I got used to it after a while. We all talked about the day and how amazing it was for all of us. It didn’t take too long for the bus to get to Woodside. We got out the bus and my dad called for his friend to come pick us up in his cab. While we waited for 19 to come, we watched all the punks go to the Woodside train station. It was awesome seeing them all there. We sang songs from The Used and we yelled out random things. I yelled out “Bert McCracken is the man for playing with two broken fingers”. Then 19 came. Joe and I sat in the back of the van, Loca and Jackie in front of us and Dad was in the passenger seat next to 19. There was a lot of conversation and even one with Johanna’s boyfriend Jose who called her cell phone. Then Dad told us that it was 19’s birthday and we sang him “Happy Birthday”. It was dumb funny. We had asked my dad to tell 19 to drop us off at the McDonald’s two blocks away from my house. We got there and said goodbye to my dad. Once we got inside Mickey D’s, the air from the AC hit us hard and it was great. I wasn’t too hungry so I bought fries and a soda. The other girls bought meals. We sat down and I stared at the door. I realized we were back in hell when I said, “You know what? I got so used to and so happy about being around punks all day that I’m waiting for punks to walk in that door.” All the girls felt the same. I really did miss the punks. I still miss the punks. I miss the Mohawks, the rainbow colored hair, the clothes, the great atmosphere and how amazing the day had turned out. It was the best show I’ve ever been to and the best day of my life. Jose showed up at Mickey D’s and we told him about the day. Then at like 9 we left. I said goodbye to the girls who were headed to the shuttle bus. I reminded them to call my dad when they got home and they agreed. It was starting to rain so I started running down the block but I was too tired to run so I just walked in the drizzle. I got home, emptied out my bag, took a bath and called Jenny to tell her about how things went. I went to bed at 11. I still can’t believe that I didn’t get pulled out of a pit and I’m really proud of myself. I really wanna go to next year’s Warped Tour (both Randalls Island and Asbury Park) as well as more shows this year. I hope that the shows I go to are as amazing as Warped Tour (or close to it because I don’t think anything will be as incredible as my Warped Tour experience). Honestly, the one thing that was missing to make the day perfect was Mest. I really missed them but hopefully, I’ll see them in the fall. All in all, my first Warped Tour was the best and I hope that there are more days like that to come. And I also hope to make this a yearly tradition. So big ups to the Warped Tour and all the great bands there. You did a hell of a job this year, may there be more brilliant Warped Tours to come.

    Current Mood: ecstatic
    Current Music: I Woke Up In A Car-Something Corporate
    Sunday, August 3rd, 2003
    10:31 am
    Life For Me Sucks At The Moment
    Well, things have been really lame lately. I had a really bad day yesterday because my dad wants to drive absolutely fucking insane. I swear, if he keeps on with the bullshit, I'm gonna end up in a padded room in some psychiatric ward somewhere. I've got enough problems as it is, this doesn't fucking help. I don't even wanna look at him right now. I just don't wanna deal with him. Today is gonna be boring too. Maybe I might see Loca, I'm gonna try to convince her to come over but I doubt it'll happen. Things just suck right now. I've been deep into music, listening to a lot of shit I love. Me and Johanna spoke yesterday. At least that made me smile for a short amount of time. I also spoke to Loca, Arleen and Nell. They're all ok. Nell says she might come up here from Jersey to see all of us. That would be kinda cool. I haven't seen her in 4 months so why not? Arleen is ok too. She's really stoked about going to see NFG in Allentown at the end of the month. If I could go and had people to go with, I would be there but I don't. Oh well, I could wait for a while to see them. Right now, my main focus is Warped Tour and then after that my focus will be GC/Mest. That's all for now.

    Current Mood: annoyed
    Current Music: On The Outs-MxPx
    Monday, July 28th, 2003
    7:05 am
    Warped Tour Woes
    After ignoring the fact that I'm going to the Vans Warped Tour when it swings my way in 2 weeks, I realize that I'm going to this thing and my dad's gonna be behind me. UGH! I hate that fact. The last thing I need is for him to be following me when I'm trying to meet bands and have a good time. I really don't want him to be tagging along for everything 'cuz I know he's gonna be nosy. It's so fucking embarrassing. I'm trying to hang out with my friends and meet some bands/see bands play and he's gonna be on my fucking tail. I just feel like not going. He's gonna embarrass the shit out of me. I know it. I swear I just hate this. I'm gonna have the worst day that day EVER. As if life doesn't suck enough.

    Current Mood: aggravated
    Current Music: Do Your Feet Hurt?-MxPx
    Saturday, July 26th, 2003
    10:12 am
    Three Is The Record!!! *bows*
    I had 3 serious conversations yesterday. Wow, that's a record for me! Well yeah, they were with Anna, Jenny and Johanna. I love talking to Anna 'cuz that chick is so cool. She said Jakey's not going to Warped Tour so I was like "Oh ok". In my head I felt kinda bad 'cuz I know she wants to see TSL but I also felt relieved that I won't have to be put in an uncomfortable situation if she was around. Her and Arleen met The Distillers on Thursday! I'm so pissed off that I didn't know it would be that day. I fuckin' love Brody, that girl is amazing. But we also talked about some serious shit too. Then Jenny and I got into a conversation about why me and relationships don't mix. I kinda realized that she does have faith in me and that made me feel good 'cuz of what she and I have been through. Finally last night, Johanna called me and we talked seriously. I admitted to her a lot of shit that I never admitted to myself in my head but I said it out loud. It was crazy. I told her about my dream too. It was an unbelievable conversation 'cuz we talked about so much. Life, family, our boys, ourselves. I'm supposed to go to see her today after I go to Kristy and Kathy's Sweet 16 this afternoon. We'll see how that goes.

    Current Mood: stressed
    Current Music: Eyesore (Acoustic)- New Found Glory
    Thursday, July 24th, 2003
    6:02 am
    Sleepy Insanity and Getting My Hopes Up For ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!
    I've been up since 3:45 this morning (basically I only got 4 1/2 hours of sleep). I've been up all this time thinking about someone (no it's not *him*). It's the other one. Why did I have to have this on my mind? Why can I see everything so clearly, I just don't understand. Now all I can think about is the other one and *him* (the whole supposed "girlfriend" situation with a chick that I'm apparently gonna meet soon since she's comin' to town). I just wanna fucking cry. This is driving me crazy. I mean, why this kid? Why now? Why in such a way? Why was it him in a such a way and not *him*? This might get confusing after a while but I don't wanna mention any names because it would hurt people. That includes me too. All I want is some happiness and all I'm getting is depression. I'm getting my hopes up for something that'll never happen either way. I'm not that lucky. I don't know what to do anymore. This is really breaking my heart. Now I can't sleep because of all this bullshit and I'm wondering "Is it worth it?". Earlier I was wondering "Are they worth it?" and after thinking about the people they are (not the titles that they're given by others), I came up with the conclusion that they are worth it. Both of them. But then I realize that I'll never be good enough for either of them. Maybe that's why I'm not happy. Because I'm not worth it, therefore it'll never happen. Apparently I deserve to be unhappy since that's all I've been lately. Isn't it a pain in the ass to wanna cry so badly but the tears won't come out? I hate that. Sometimes I hate being strong. This is one of those times. I wanna curl up in a ball and cry. I've got plenty of tears.

    Current Mood: confused
    Current Music: Wasting My Time-Mest (I couldn't have said it better myself)
    Sunday, July 20th, 2003
    6:08 pm
    Ok, I recently saw you know who and it just made my feelings worse. It's gotten so bad, it's unbelievable. I mean, what the hell? Can't I just go through a day without torture? Plus things aren't going so good for me lately and I just wanna break down and cry. This sucks. Dammit, I'm not gonna complain anymore. I'll just shut up now.

    Current Mood: lonely
    Current Music: The Young Crazed Peeling-The Distillers
    Friday, July 11th, 2003
    9:13 am
    Okay, I'm sitting here thinking about March 24th (for the few who know what I mean, then big ups to you guys). I still cannot believe that David did what he did. Putting me on the spot like that lol. The total connection was there and honestly I don't regret anything. I especially don't regret the staring lmao. He's an amazing kid and although, I'm really upset with his buddies, I acknowledge the fact that DAVID STILL MATTERS TO ME!!! I still care about the kid, I still love him to death and if the chance comes, we'll meet up soon hopefully. I wanna tell him that I still care. I can remember that day so clearly and sitting here listening to SP is bringing it all back. I still get butterflies thinking about it because he was the one who made that day as special as it was for me (even though I had to punch a guy for "accidentally" busting my lip open FUCKING LOSER). I hope I get to see good old David next month so I can say hi and hopefully, he'll still be the sweetheart he was when I last saw him.

    Current Mood: nostalgic
    Current Music: Perfect-Simple Plan
    8:32 am
    Sad Thoughts
    I'm so sleepy but I can't fall asleep. I've been up since 5 in the morning with stomach pains. It's not fun at all. I was hoping to go to Sam Goody with Jenny today but I doubt she'll go. I don't wanna be stuck at home with these pains, I need to hang out with my friends and I need an aspirin. I'm bored out of my mind and it's killin' me. So, that leaves me to sit here listening to music all day (which I don't mind listening to music since it's all I do anyway). I've been missing *him* again. I haven't seen him in 3 months and I'm hoping to see him soon. If I do see him, I don't know what I'll do. I know I'll be surprised, though. This kid...I don't know what I'm gonna do with him. I've been stuck on him for the longest time and Jenny has been joking about it (all in good fun of course). The longer he's gone, the more I wanna see him. Here I go again, talking about him. I'm telling you, it's scares me how much he affects me. I need to see my boy, J. He could make me laugh easy (crazy bastard) and I need a hell of a lot of that right now. I think I'm gonna go visit with him.

    Current Mood: sad
    Current Music: Globes & Maps-Something Corporate (thank God for SoCo)
    Wednesday, July 9th, 2003
    9:45 am
    I'm Still Home
    I didn't go to Jersey 'cuz apparently my cousin is a little badass so I'm going next week. I'm here bored out of my mind, wishing that Johanna and Jackie would come over so I could see them since I haven't in so long. I really wanna go to Irving Plaza today to see if I meet the Movielife but that's pretty far-fetched. On a happy note, I'm supposed to (SUPPOSED TO) get Warped Tour tickets on Friday. WHOO! Hopefully it'll happen and Johanna and Jackie will come along. I really wanna go to Warped Tour this year especially with the list of bands who's playing at Randalls Island. I'm psyched thinking about it so hopefully all will go well. I still miss my friends, I wanna see them 'cuz I'm so lonely right now. I need someone to talk to. Oh well, that's what this journal is for right? Anyway, that's all for today.

    OH! I wanna give a shoutout to my boy TONY, you're a fuckin' trooper kid for doing what you do regardless how much it hurts. We've all got love for you and support you 110%! And by the way, we ALL thank God for not taking you away a week ago. Love ya buddy.

    Current Mood: thankful
    Current Music: Shatterday-Vendetta Red
    Monday, July 7th, 2003
    10:22 am
    On The Road Again
    Well I'm back home...until tomorrow! I've been to Elizabeth, Williamsburg, Astoria and Westbury moving around since June and I am so tired. I really miss my friends man. I'm not in the best mood 'cuz my mom is pissing me off ALREADY and I miss my peeps. Johanna is in Queens, Jenny is stuck at home and I have no clue where Loca is. Oh yeah, by the way, Jakey went off on me last week. I haven't spoken to her and to be honest I don't really wanna after what she said. I'm just so fucking tired of everything and I don't wanna deal with it right now. Johanna was really pissed after I e-mailed her about it, and she says she wants to curse the shit out of her. Oh well, that's Johanna's problem. I'm not getting involved with that shit. I'm staying the fuck out. I feel kinda uncomfortable around Arleen and Anna now. I kinda feel like "Ok, now do they feel the same as Jakey and aren't telling me?" so I'm kinda weary now. Tomorrow I go back to Jersey so I'll be with my cousin Meagan again. I hope she doesn't fucking frustrate me cuz I don't need that at the moment. I'm not in the mood for her shit. If she talks back to my aunt, I'm gonna fuckin' backslap her. Anyways, that's all I have for now.

    Current Mood: weird
    Current Music: This Ride-The Starting Line
    Wednesday, June 25th, 2003
    9:24 pm
    High School's Almost Over
    I'm now an official High School Graduate of the class of 2003! THANK YOU LORD lol. I thought that graduation was gonna be lame but it was fucking great. I had so much fun. We were sitting behind Mason's boys and they made us laugh like hell. It was so hilarious. I haven't been this happy in a long time and as I'm walking down streets people who I don't even know are congratulating me. It was so funny. When I went to get my diploma from Ms. Wahls, I said "Bye Punk" and she said "Goodbye Punkass" and I laughed. She was so proud of us, her advisory, her daughters and she didn't even have to say it. I swear, I can't believe that my name is on this diploma. Michelle almost made me cry when she went up for her diploma (she gave birth on FRIDAY WOOHOO!!!). And I almost cried when Ms. Wahls walked in to see us line up and she cried. We all group hugged her. ALL OF HER ADVISORY GIRLS. When I went up to get my diploma, everyone went apeshit. I never knew I was that popular or that I was even appreciated by so many people. That was really insane. It was like "OMG, what the fuck is going on? This is priceless shit right here". I could hear Ganya and Don Padrino shouting out BM at me when I walked by. It was the best feeling in the world to have all my friends cheer for me as I did for them. I have not the slightest idea as to what the future holds but all I know is that I'm very proud of myself and what I've accomplished today. I've completed my adolescence and adulthood starts today. To be a part of what happened today was the most wonderful thing I've ever felt in my life and I don't think I could ever forget it. Tomorrow I will go to my school for one last time, walk the halls, say my goodbyes and walk out the door of what was my youth. I know I'll probably cry but all the tears that I shed will be bittersweet ones filled with happiness and sadness. So when tomorrow comes, I'll write to say what happens and how my last day at my high school with my friends ended up to be.

    Current Mood: ecstatic
    Current Music: Festival Song-Good Charlotte
    Tuesday, June 24th, 2003
    1:36 pm
    "The Story So Far" (NFG is the Shit)
    I'm back after a week in Jersey with my uncle, aunt and cousins. I had a pretty good time there but I am kinda glad to be home. I did miss my friends and I got to see them yesterday. Johanna flipped out when she saw me, it was funny as hell. There's a lot that happened in Jersey. Mainly in my head. I have accepted and embraced the fact that New Found Glory is the shit. Not that I didn't before but it became even more self-evident in my mind. The one thing I didn't do though was look at a certain someone. I didn't really think about him which was my goal so that I could take a mental break from him. It's been a while since I've seen him and I miss him a whole lot. I got home and saw his picture and I fucking cried. How pathetic is that? I mean c'mon, I cry from looking at his picutre. That's so sad. Now I have someone else in mind and I don't know where the fuck he came from. But when I look at him it's like, something clicks and things change. God, I need a life. It's just really frustrating for me to not be able to have what it is I want more than anything. I'm just really mentally tired. I don't know how much longer I can last. Anyway, while I prepare for my graduation tomorrow, I know he'll be on my mind along with a whole bunch of other things. Oh well, that's reality for ya.

    Current Mood: cheerful
    Current Music: Dressed To Kill-New Found Glory
    Sunday, June 15th, 2003
    9:47 am
    Advisory Adventures
    I'm dumb tired (Arleen got me sayin' dumb). Friday night was fucking great. Me, Johanna, Loca, Maryann, Kimberly, Chrissy, Shaniyia, Sabrina, Yuri, Cindy, Ms. Wahls and Ms. Rodriguez went to Mars 2112. We had the only fun I swear. I haven't had that much fun in a while. We all did nothin' but laugh the whole night. We even had the waiter and the staff of the place laughing with how nuts we are. We went into the arcade and started playing around. I won't go into too many details of the night 'cuz it's too exclusive to be writing here lol. Then after a while people started leaving and so all that was left was me, Johanna and Maryann. We decided to walk around Times Square and so Maryann had the bright idea of going into Sephora to mess with the makeup. Once we got into the store, she got hold of me and put makeup on me. Why did I let her?? I have no idea. But I did. It was pretty weird being that I'm a lazy bum and I don't like makeup so I don't wear it. EVER! Only for extremely special occasions. So then she did Johanna's makeup. The girls went up to the counter to buy lip gloss and then they asked for applications. As we filled them out, there was a knock on the window behind us. It was a guy that we never in a million years would've expected to see. So anyway, this guy comes around and we recognize him from a certain thing and then he starts talking to Maryann. The rest is too exclusive. (Don't worry Maryann, that's all I'm gonna say) Well after our Sephora adventures we started to head home on the train at like 11 at night. We had some fun talking about things. Once Maryann went on a different train, me and Johanna said our goodbyes to her. In the L train, me and Joe had a deep convo about how me and guys apparently don't mix since none of them like me. It's had me thinking for a couple of days and I've been kinda...I don't know...spaced out I guess. So, I guess that's all I have to say, except that I hope things get better with that from here on out.

    Current Mood: lonely
    Current Music: Chance Of A Lifetime-Mest
    Wednesday, June 11th, 2003
    4:05 pm
    To The Class of 2003
    A lot has happened in four years and when I say a lot, I mean A LOT! LOL. I've definitely changed in the fact that I became the person I've always wanted to be. The person I've been searching for deep inside is the person I finally became and that in itself was a big accomplishment. This whole graduation thing is just the icing on the cake. I know I've done things I shouldn't have done, said things I shouldn't have said, held back things I should've said, disliked people who deserve my time, liked people who don't deserve my time, and much more but I don't regret any of it. I have met some amazing people and I love them so much. Despite the history (good or bad) that I have with them, I still appreciate the fact that I was given the time to spend with them. So I'm leaving them with this thank you and to some goodbye. Here's the list:

    Johanna, Jenny, Loca, my Fendis (Arleen, Jakey, Anna, Anthony and Nell), the Fu Man Crew (Jenelle, Silvia, Taisha, Roslyn and Vanessa), Liz, Chrissy, David (Don Padrino), Kimberly (lunchbox), Benjamin (Batman), Jose G (miss ya buddy), Michelle, Wendy, everybody who went to Barcode that night, Latifah, BM, Natalie, Xavier, Florence, Crisslie, Johnny and Antoine (R.I.P.).

    The Teachers (Believe it or not LOL): Ms. Wahls, Ms. Dibner, Mr. Feola, Ms. Gray, Mr. Jimenez, Ms. Lock, Mr. Santos, Mr. Pennant, Ms. Reilly, Mr. Zarba, Ms. Chatman and Ms. Lewis.

    To all you guys, thank you for being a part of my life. I'm glad to have met everyone I met and became friends with everyone who I became friends with. Although some of those friendships are now over or have disappeared into a memory, I still feel that they were all a part of my life and I'll never forget them or you. It's because of you guys that I am who I am and where I am today. Especially to Johanna and Wendy for saving my life that day, it's because of the two of you ratting me out that I'm actually here on earth. Thank you. I love you guys.

    Rock on, GC/NFG UNIT, BM, Fu Man Crew Lives, Dead Kennedies 4EVER,
    Lucy AKA Spike BKA Kelly

    Current Mood: nostalgic
    Current Music: Rooftop-Mest
    7:05 am
    The Countdown Is On
    School's almost out for us...THANK GOD! I'm this close to finally getting out of high school (or as I like to call it The Hellmouth). The 25th is our graduation day and it'll be a sad day in saying goodbye to the small group of friends that I have but a great day in that I'll finally be free of the bullshit that gets dished out in that place. I've been looking forward to this for a long ass time and it's almost here. Today we get our yearbooks and I wanna see if it came out as bad as I think it will. Friday, my advisory is going to Mars 2112 to hang out then Monday is our last day. My emotions are running on high plus thinking of you know who isn't helping. I swear that kid is gonna lead me straight to a padded room somewhere, I can see it coming. I've been trying to keep him out of my thoughts but...apparently, it's not working.

    Current Mood: chipper
    Current Music: I Was Wrong-Social Distortion
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