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Wednesday, July 23rd, 2003
11:32 am - Apologies
For not updating in a looong time. Btwn work and birthday parties and apartment-warming parties and obligatory family time and my boyfriend, I have, like, no time for anything! Work rocks, but my sced. sucks. I work solid from thursday until monday. I have no weekends, which isn't so bad for me, but sucks for my boyfriend, because he works a normal week, and before I started working, he and I had weekends together. *sigh* you know what would be crazy? If I sang "zombie" by the cranberries on kareoke. Yeah it would, wouldn't it? but it might be cool... definitely not somethign to do sober.

current mood: groggy
current music: kill your idols - hardcore circa 1999

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Wednesday, June 11th, 2003
9:39 pm - And here's where the drama comes in
Yes so, I broke up with "John" last august/early september. He was an ass about it so I stopped talking to him for a few months. Then in the winter sometime, I saw him and we spent the whole night just talking and reminsing and he gave me hugs that really really made me uncomfortable. Then he posted on his livejournal about what a horrible idea it was and how some people never change or whatnot. That made me stop talking to him again. Now he has another girlfriend so I wouldn't have to worry about the awkward hugs, but now he hates me. Or so I think. He's also very good friends with somebody who I'm quite at odds with. I don't know. I think he'd be a good friend to have but I don't know if its possible to salvage some sort of relationship with him. God, I'm making such a stupid big deal about this, I just wish I knew what I wanted. I mean, I know I'd like to be friends with him... yes, I want to be friends with him. But is it possible? I guess the question really is am I willing to try? Do you think I should (all 2 people that read my journal)?

current mood: nervous
current music: 7 seconds - new wind

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Monday, June 9th, 2003
3:02 pm - Woah
I just got an academic scholarship that I totally didn't apply for. I love New York State! Woot. Thats $500 a year I'm saving. Its not much, but by the end of college its enough to get a used car, hell in 2 years its enough to get a used car. Not that I'm not going to have a job that I'll be saving money to buy a car with but still, it puts things in perspective. Go smart me!

current mood: happy
current music: Poison - I want action

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Monday, June 2nd, 2003
2:10 am - I should be asleep
Yeah I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping. Ok, so sometimes I wonder if how I treated "john" was right. Well, obviously it wasn't right in that it was the wrong thing to do. But I feel bad about it a lot. And I mean, its not like he was a bad person or anything. Thats not entirely true, but he's not much worse than anybody else. Its funny I don't know if I believe that he's a good person or a bad person. haha, he's just a freaking lawful evil mage. Sometimes I wish I could still hang out with "john," you know, a la seinfeld and elaine (maybe not quite as close as they are, but at least there not being that awkwardness). Its really a fruitless thing to ponder, but what else am I supposed to do at this time of night? In general I assume that he doesn't dislike me as a person but hates me for how I treated him, which is to be expected. The other one has no excuse. She's just a dramatic child. Regardless, I wonder how things would have turned out differently if I had be forthcoming and more friendly. But ugh, he put me in a situation where it was just too tough to be friendly (like the 15 minute hugs). Umm... yeah, we both fucked up but I fucked up worse. yeah, i soooo need a cig, but I sooo can't smoke in the house and i'm definitely not getting dressed and going for a walk or anything. Oh well. These stupid journals mean absolutely nothing.

current mood: blah

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Wednesday, May 28th, 2003
5:48 pm - bad stand-up
so what the heck's up with those spelling bees? Why do they even do that? Is spelling that important? And why don't they have bees in other subjects? I think kids would benifit much more from a grammar bee. And does it indicate intelligence when your 10 year old kid can spell "quaint" correctly? Yeah, they're really destined for Harvard now.
Oh yeah, I could so make NO money doing this.

current mood: stupid
current music: Circle Jerks - Deny Everything

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Monday, May 26th, 2003
1:48 pm
I've been hit by an odd feeling of OK lately. Things that've been pissing me off feel so distant. I've basically taken the week off from the drama that is my friends. I'm SO happy that I'm graduating in about three weeks and I can leave the drama permanently behind. And now both of my eyes are all red... and mucusy. its supergross. I wasn't accepted for any of the jobs that I applied to. Yep, I think I'm going to not-go to school tomorrow.

current mood: sick
current music: Reagan Youth - no class

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Friday, May 23rd, 2003
7:36 pm - Stupid liars get caught
Woah, I totally hate false people. I found the blurty of some 15-yo girl I used to be friends with and, like, the profile is all about how much of a drunken skinhead she is. ha. ridiculous shit. Whatever, that person is no longer a part of my life, just totally amusing.

current music: bad brains - attitude

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7:25 pm - Sick body, Healthy mind
Its official. I've gotten into every college I've applied to. I have, like 2 days to send my housing thing to purchase. I should do that. I hope my mom doesn't realize that I'm planning on choosing a smoking dorm. hmm...
I'm so fucking sick right now. I have a 3-day weekend, and I'm out of my head with this disgusting cold. I can't sleep because every 10 seconds I have another coughing fit and I can't breathe through my nose. one of my eyes is SOOOO bloodshot. I look like freaking marylin manson or something with one bright red eye and one normal eye. Its sooo not attractive

current mood: proud
current music: Warzone - Marked For Life

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Wednesday, May 21st, 2003
8:54 pm
Yeah this is my first entry, I have no friends on this blurty thing because all my friends use livejournal which is basically why I don't. Umm.... I'm a girl from brooklyn, NYC who's into hardcore, ska punk and oi (and new wave and 80s synth-pop). I love to do kareoke. My friends are super drama-queens but I don't really like drama so I don't want to cause it by posting personal things in places in which my friends read. Wow, that sounds superlong and babbly. Yeah, thats all for tonight.... ok.


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