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23rd April 2003

10:56pm: Lovin Joe always
Hey all,
I had to work today. 7am. Anyways after i got off work at 2 which i was supposed to get off at 3:30 anyways i went to they gym then came home. Well Joe came over tonight. I love him so much. I di think that he loves me too, but doesnt want to say it, cuz he doesnt want to hurt me. But if you love someone or are in love someone i think that you should tell them. I LOVE JOE and he knows that. He also knows that i will love him for ever and ever. I will always love him, i mean yeah we have been through a lot, but i dont care. We stood by each other while we were going though it so what does that mean? That is one reason why i dont want him to move away from me. He is like one of my best friends. We've been though a lot in our relationship and he was always there even if i was mad at him or he was mad at me. I just dont want to be alone, that is one thing i fear, being alone. It is the one of the worst feelings in the world for me. I so cant live without joe in my life. I cant live without Roxy either. She have been there for me too, but i mean Roxy and i havent been though what joe and i have been though together. I LOVE YOU THO ROXY. And Larry. He is so awesome. He makes me feel good. He said that i was perfect, even tho i think that i am not. I love Joe, Roxy and Larry. XOXOXOXO To you all. Love you so much, i dont know what i would do with out you in my life. I would probably fall apart and just be like i was yrs ago and i am glad that i dont have to be. But thanks so much for being in my like and i dont want joe to leave me. I need him in my life right now and always. I so want to be with him forever, but the way i want to be with him, might not happen, but i dont know yet. I mean who know right? Well when we were saying our goodbyes when he left, he didnt want me to let him go. He kept hugging me tightly. I think that it is so cute when he does that. Well love you all and i will talk to you all later. Much love.

Current Mood: loved
Current Music: ~Addicted By: Simple Plan~

22nd April 2003

9:54am: I love you Roxy and Larry~Sorry~
Today i dont work, which suck a whole lot. I didnt work yesterday which sucks, and i have no idea when i will work again. Anyways one of my friends friends died, *Iam sorry larry and roxy*, if you need me i am here for you. I love you guys a lot. Anyways Joe came over yesterday night just to chill. We just watched tv like we always do at my house. Right now i am just listening to music and waiting for joe to come back online. I am not feeling good again. My stummy hurts and my body aches so bad. Oh well i will get over it. I always do. Even if i dont eat, but i know that i have to eat, but sometimes i get sick after i eat. Anyways talk to you all later.

Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: ~ What is it to burn By: Finch~

20th April 2003

Ok. Today was Easter. Joe came over and so did my Grandpa and Uncle and twin cousins. Anyways We had dinner and everything and then lil kids looked for eggs and what not, then after a while Joe and I went on the Trampoline and were jumping around, then we fell and he kissed me. I was so happy.Then i took him to the spring down the street from my house and we were climbing rocks, we sat down on a big rock and then he leaned in and kissed me again. We, I know you dont care, but this is my journal, but we made out for a while, then we looked at the desert and all the pretty things around us the we made out again. lol. when we got back to my house we just watched tv. Then when he left we made out again. When i got online i asked him "what was up with today? I mean i didnt hate it, i just want to know what is up? just wondering." he said "i don't know, i know you wanted to kiss me and i wanted to kiss you for awaile, i think i want to be your bf again bu i don't want to hure you again so i don't know. Then he says something about me looking cute without my glasses on and that i should get contacts. He is so cute. I love him so much, even if we arent together. Anyways i will talk to you all later.

Current Mood: excited
Current Music: ~Pretty Girl (The Way) By: Sugarcult~
12:46am: I think....
I think that the next time i see Joe when he leaves i am gonna kiss him, i just cant stand this anymore. I have to kiss him, it is just so hard not to. He is so Beautiful and i love him so much.

Current Mood: naughty
Current Music: ~I Miss You By: Aaliyah~
12:42am: Long Day 1
Today i went to the community center and played ball. Jow came with us. I so wanted to kiss him like twice, but i didnt. i just backed away and told myself no you cant. But i so want to and badly. Anyways one of my sisters (Jen) told Joe something and now he wont tell me what she told him. He said that he might tell me tomarrow, but i wanted to know right then and there. I hate when ppl tell other ppl about me. I dont think that it is right. I think that he should have told me then. I have to ask Jen what she told him and why she told him what she did. Anyways i am talking to a real good friend of mine Roxy. She is such an awesome person inside and out. She is so adorablely bearutiful. She is so great. I am glad that i met her brother Larry, cuz then i wouldnt have her to help me out when i need it since my "Best Friend Nikki" is supposed to do that, but she never even talks to me as much as Roxy does. Anyways* talks to self*-stop compairing ppl to other ppl. So anyways i am so very tired, i had a long day today and i need some sleep before tomarrow-another long day. Well talk to you later.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: ~Dont Wanna Stop By: Good Charlotte~

18th April 2003

10:35pm: I LOVE JOE LOTS
Hey all. Whats up? Nothing much here. Just chillin and chatting.I am talking to Joe. I love him so much. He is so awesome. He is so great. Well anyways today i went to the movies with joe. We saw Anger Management. It was an ok movie. I so love spending time with joe. He is all i think about and i want to think about. I want to be with him forever and ever.Anyways i bought him something for Easter. I hope that he likes it. I know that this is short, But I have no idea what else to talk about.

Current Mood: pleased
Current Music: ~All the things she said By:t.A.t.u~

17th April 2003

12:22pm: 11:50am
Yo Homiez, sup G? Well anyways, i worked 8 hrs yesterday and i dont work today, that so sucks. Anyways i went to bed around 2 this morning, and i was supposed to get up at 8:15 so i can get ready to take a walk. Joe invited me to go to the park to take a walk. So I thought i would, i mean since we still arent dating i think that i would just go so i can loose weight and so i can spend time with him and talk to him. It was really night to do that. I enjoyed it alot. Well anywaysi didnt wake upi till 9 and that is what time i was supposed to be there so yeah, i made it there anyways, he was playing Basketball with his friend when i got there. Anyways i am doing nothing today, but cleaning house and then later tonight going online and watching tv.

Current Mood: groggy
Current Music: ~Work It By: Missy Elliott~

16th April 2003

11:03am: I feel Sick
Good Morning all. Whats up? Nothing much here. Just chillin like a villin. This morning as soon as i woke up i took a walk. I am trying to lose weight and i cant always go to the gym, so i have to do find other ways to do it. Anyways i dont feel so good today. I have a headache and just feel kinda weird. Not sure to describe it, but yeah. Anyways i have to work today....Finally. I have only worked once in like 2 weeks, and that is gas money. Lol. It is only like 40 bucks. Anyways from my taxes i get like $290- $300 back. Yeah. That is so great. I add that to the rest og my money, that gets me to getting my car faster. Anyways if i dont make sence, i am so tired, i have to work and i dont feel good. Well i have to take a shower. Talk to you later.

Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: ~Straight ot of line By:Godsmack~
12:15am: Determined to....
....Get Joe back. I will do anything to get him back. I love him. I know that he likes someone else and has for a while now, but i mean why would he get with me knowing that he likes her? I mean she didnt tell him till a while after we were together. I thought that was dumb, i mean if she liked him she should have told him long before we dated so that way we didnt hurt eacher cuz he would have a different girl and i would still be single. But it seems like i am always single. Sometimes i wish i was still with my other ex joe. I still love him so much. I saw him once with some chick. I try to talk to him online but he is always busy, i just think that he doesnt want to talk to me, but oh well. Well today i went to get my taxes done and i get money back yeah. Then i went to my friend Roxys house. I gave her pic and visited a while. Anyways i am gonna go. I am talking to Joe.

Current Mood: determined
Current Music: ~The One By: Shakira~

15th April 2003

10:49pm: I am a big joke
I am so depressed, i know that joe and i arent together, but i really with we were. He has had the crush on this one girl that he works with before we strated to date. he has alwasy flirted with her and what not and then he met me and then we dated for a while, not we arent together he has started to flirt with her again. I dont get why he didnt just try to get with her and why he got with me. Why does anyone want me? I would never want to date me if i was a guy. I am worthless.I am a no good piece of shit. I hate this. If he gets with her i think that we would not be friends anymore, cuz he will have no time to talk to me and if i do see him then i would jut cry cuz i know that i cant have him and kiss him or anything. I jut want to die. I mean there is no one out there for me. I know everyone says there is someone out there for everone, but not me. No one is out there for me. NO ONE LIKES ME. I DONT EVEN LIKE MYSELF SO IF I DONT LIKE MYSELF NO ONE WOULD LIKE ME. I have something that i have to confess. I often thought of suicide when i was about age 10-18 on and off. I havent thought about it lately, and i never want to cuz i think the next time i do i will acually do something. Joe wants me to move out of my house and move with him and his roomates, but just cant live with him knowing that i am not with him. And plus there is noroom for me there. they have a 3 bedroom house and 4 ppl liveing there already so yeah. i just need out of here. I have no where else to go either. I just need out of here and now. but i have no car so i have to wait till i get a car to move out. Anyways i suck that that is all there is too it.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: ~Don't Remember By:Limp Bizkit~
12:04am: Oh Happy Day
well i mean i went to his house today and he just gave me a hug then from his to the mall we didnt talk at all, then we started to talk and all then after we took pics and watched a movie we went back to his house and he was on the comp and i was laying down on his bed watchin a movie and then he came over and started cuddeling up with, then he kissed me and yeah so i thin that things are better between us. I am gonna ask him if we are dating again or what is going on. Well what is up with you all? I am so happy right now and i hope that i stay happy for a while. Anyways i asked joe if we were dating or what is the deal he said i am not sure. Oh well as long as we are friends that is all i really care about. Hey Roxy if you want to see out pics i will send them to you and you tell me what one you like best and the next time i see you i will give it to you k.

Current Mood: giddy
Current Music: ~I'm With you By: Avril Lavigne~

14th April 2003

10:05am: Damn Computer/What im doing today/Dad
Hey all. I was gonna write in here last night, but my comp was acting up. I hate when it does that. I have no idea why it does that either. Well i am just chatting with someone online that i have talked to since i was 12 or 13 so almost 7-8 yrs. That is a long ass time to talk to someone online. Anyways Joe and i are gonna do something today, we never know what we are doing, we ususally just watch movies at his house or at mine, but mostly at his. I think that we are gonna take pics together then go from there, maybe watch a movie or something. Well that is what i have planned today.
~New Subject~
Last night/This morning i wrote a note to my dad to ask if i can use his truck to drive to Joes house (I know it is childish)But, He said yes, then on the other side of the paper he wrote somthing to this effect "You should be asking if you can use my truck to get a new job or go to the college to see what classes you can take to get a better job worth your time" Blah Blah Blah Blah, i hate how he is always on my case about everything, it is my life, i can do what i want, i am almost 20, i can live my life the way i want. "Go to college a university, get a real job, thats what they said to me, but i could never live they way they want. I;m gonna get by and just do my time out a step while they all get in line,I'm just a minor threat so pay no mind ". That is how i feel. I really do.

Current Mood: rushed
Current Music: ~The Anthem By: Good Charlotte~

13th April 2003

1:46am: Tired, Hungry and Mad
Hey all, whats up? Nothing much here. I am just a lil tired, hungry and mad. I am mad cuz i couldnt talk to joe(my man), cuz my comp was acting up tonight/this morning. and i missed him, but i called and talk to him on the phone a lil after 1 in the morning. Anyways whats new with you all. I hope that ppl read this and write back to me. Well anyways i went to one of my best friends houses today. Larry and Roxy. We just watched movies and chatted with each other. Anyways that is all i have to say for now.

Current Mood: worried
Current Music: ~Swing Swing By: The All American Rejects~

12th April 2003

12:33am: A lil about me
Well i think i am getting the hang of this now, so that is kewl. Well to tell you all a lil about me. I am 19 i an 5'7. I have blonde hair and green eyes, I love music and i like a lil bit of everything. Well that is all i can think of at this moment i am a lil tired. So talk to you all later then k.

Current Mood: rejected
Current Music: ~Step up By: Linkin Park~

11th April 2003

10:31pm: I am new to this
Hey, this one is new to me so i have like no idea what to do. I am also on so i know how to do that one.
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: ~Always and forever By: Good Charlotte~
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