Blurty for helz & rkmno's jude law.

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
View:Calendar.
View:Memories.
You're looking at the latest 19 entries.

Thursday, October 2nd, 2003

Time:4:31 pm.
hey loser...why are you hiding your blurty from me :( you better tell me. i'm pissed so just do it...please!!!!!!!!!!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, September 7th, 2003

Subject:all mine
Time:12:11 am.
Mood: anxious.
this journal is all mine now...meaning rkmnos only, no more helz...shes deserted in real life and now in this jude law. im going to make a different one, if i tell you youre unlucky cuz it will all be fucked up things. well this is the real reason of why i started doing this particular journal....


I NEED TO FUZE
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2003

Subject:doomass
Time:9:09 pm.
Mood: chipper.
Music:champagne high - sister hazel.
so good news...well i dont know but me and aaron are going to hook up sometime soon, so that will be fun. anyways i heard (from my sister) that rachel, erin, micaela, lauren, lexi, and im guessing other people too all wore mini skirts the first day. my sister made a very good point , " that could not be a coincidence , right? " i agreed. and i know this is going to be short because honestly nothing really has happened. its kinda like my day.... wake up (wish i was sleeping) go to school, go to soccer (not play in games), eat, sleep ... REPEAT

i hate school, i mean i like chaska but i hate going to school it sucks

aaron is going to ask you what happened with u and pat behind esse...i told him you guys fucked when i liked pat and now im pissed at you, but then i dont know if he thought i was serious or not...? VERY troubling times over here.

so i know that was really short but fuck it i wrote in this and now its ur turn so you better. you also need to get me a pack of shafted mints please, that would be very neat. and youre coming home this weekend because i told you so. that is neat good bye
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, August 28th, 2003

Subject:fuck u
Time:10:07 am.
sup loser whats goin on....anyways i am terribly sorry you're so pissed. but yea...i dont think she's goin to dashboard...i'm not sure...i haven't told anyone about this one, dont worry be happy hah. anyways...when do you get back from your land??? /c i'm comin home this weekend as you know and we gotta hang out sometime. anyways...i need some of your cds b/c i just do. i got senses fail and further seems forever cds.....but i think i told you taht........well i'm headin out i'll call you later tonight cya
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, August 27th, 2003

Subject:cant say what i would of done
Time:12:41 pm.
Mood: confused.
Music:i - taproot, one lonely visitor - chevelle.
hey helz, i know you might not get this for a while but i just thought i should write in it...wow so thoughtful i am. so i was a very happy girl yesterday because i bought myself a lord of the rings two towers dvd! woahhhh i love that movie! it was insane, me and my sister both bought one and everyone behind us in line (there was like 4 different people) and they were all getting it too! that just made me happy! i love that movie. hahhah another thing that made MY day was we got our yearbook from hf. it was SO MUCH FUN to look at the GREAT year i SHARED with ALL my friends at HOOOOOOO FAM
oh here is something that i found rather interesting..kinda pisses me off...this was micaelas away message
Standing on the edge of morning

Scent of sex and New Found Glory

Playing as she's pulling back her hair

She drives away she's feeling worthless

Used again but nothings different

She'd stay the night but knows he doesn't care

what a freak. im sorry but did she always like something corporate? shit like that makes me so fucking pissed off.i seriously its like these people cant even start to understand the power that this kind of music has on some people, what it can do for them. i figured this out. you know how people get pissed off when other people find out about the bands that they liked first, well its totally understandable and thats cuz im one of them. for real if you tell the new "fans" of this music that it pisses you off that they like it they're like "thats so stupid! you didnt find the band! like omg whatever!" how fucking stupid does that make you sound? its like fuck you, if you really liked the music you would be fucking pissed off at someone like you! i dont know if i had a point, maybe it just sounded good in my head...?

ok so i was online reading anns blurty and i had my away message on and this is what pat sent me...
look i just have one question for you and i know ur prolly not there but if u read this i just wanna know if u think whatevers going on between us is going to work with u going to chaska, i want it to, but im not sure if you do , and alot of other people dont, i just wanna know what you think, if you read this call me. yeah...kinda annoying. helz you know that i liked him a lot, but as soon as he started calling me and making me call him all the time well i kinda got sick of him. and now i dont even wanna go online cuz i know he'll want me to call him and i cant anymore. i dont know how to tell him cuz i still like him and wanna do shit with him but i dont wanna act like we are going out or something like that. and phone calls every night ... pretty much not what im looking for. its really bad. i always liked going out with people i thought it was fun shit or whatever, then when i decided im taking a year off of having a bf i kinda am use to just hooking up with people and not use to all the attachment so i hope my decision that i made a year ago is going to fuck me up for a long time.

ok another thing that pissed me off was that i missed the drive thru concert! fuck that shit i was so fucking pissed. i got a cd of drive thru invasion tho but still that fucking sucks. i like needed to see that. but we have to go to dashboard. and i was just wondering cuz i found out that ann likes dashboard too...is she going to go? and im sorry if her or david or anyone is reading this but helz just dont tell people about this one at all. and if you do let me know so i dont talk about them...haha. im going cya around. -rmo
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, August 19th, 2003

Subject:You better not be suicidal
Time:12:33 am.
Mood: contemplative.
Music:Sugarcult - No Action.
Hello Rkmno...I just left you a really fucked up message on your phone haha. I get a little WERID(look familiar hahah) when I hear my own voice on your voice mail...muaha. OMG AHH Oh my fucking ahh...I totally forgot to tell you about this. My counselor, printed off my website and like read it to me and went step by step going over it. Omg i almost died. I was liek FUCK THIS SHIT. I hate that so much!!!!! it was my last time seeing her though, until I come back, I guess. ahh this is gay. my mom wouldn't buy me any clothes. i have no clothes haha i think i'll use the rest of my money and buy a ton of black shit to piss her off. ha thats so pathetic!! anyways...dude thats great what you said to pat haha closed kisses suck... "Close lipped another good night kiss is robbed of all its passion" yes yes...they suck. ahhhhh i am so scared right now. please dont fuckin do anything while i'm gone. and you know damn well i'm not gonna hang out with them and totally never see you again. dude you know i'll call you like constantly so damnit fuck you. hahaha. omg it was so funny when my counselor was reading my website, she read the part where it said like"hey losers, how are you? like i cared" and i started laughing hahahaha she was like is this funny? i was like yea i kinda thought it was...haha it was great!!!anyways...i hate packing for school, its horrible. i dont want to. i dont want to leave you behind. it sucks. i wish you were going with me. we'd both be away from our parents and we could hang out all the time. ahh too bad it sucks. please save me. i like shafted minting so much. like it seriously feels so reliving to do it. its like fuzing kinda....seriously. except its way more easy to get caught.. :/ which sucks. and my buddy pierce does it too and i dunno its smells good. you gotta meet him, omg he's so awesome, like hes just one of those guys you can be really good friends with but like nothing else, ya know? its really cool, guys like that are so much better, b/c then they dont keep me up at night! ahhhh this one boy in particular keeps me up at night. ahh i gotta go to bed...i've been working on this toooo long!!!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, August 18th, 2003

Subject:how are you?
Time:10:33 pm.
Mood:suicidal.
Music:a passage in time - authority zero.
hey you. how have you been? i hope things are getting better for you. things arent for me, thats all i know. today i found my dads old laptop and brought it up to my room. it doesnt have internet or anything, but this way i can type things and save them to a disk then depending what they are maybe even send them to you. who knows. i dont know what to do about things anymore. i fuzed last night, dont know why...yes i do. my parents kept yelling at me. you know this and so do i; i like pat but sometimes it seems like he cares *which is too surprising and it scares me when he trys to help me with my problems. those poems that you found on blurty, those are cool i almost feel like i can relate even more than ever to them. please dont smoke. i know that sounds fucked up coming from me. but seriously its not even like i dunno i guess there is just no point to it. i know i shouldnt tell you how to live your life but i might as well try to help. i know ive been doing a really sucky job at helping you out. i just feel alone lately. i mean truely im barely ever going to see you again. like when you come back on weekends youll be with david and ann. well thats just my luck, i find someone who understands my every movement and they leave me. a really good song is still by rufio and by the way ben lee by the ataris is a very good song too. i dont know when im going to be able to hang out. i have soccer everyday this week from 4-6. i just told you that. i dont know what else to say. these are my last words. fuck this place, and these people. leave me alone, just let me die. fuck you all whove made me cry, and fuck you for not caring. its too late now, you cant save me.


(this is just a side note: last night i told pat if he ever wanted to piss me off, he should just kiss me with his mouth closed on the lips)
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:best friend=no like me
Time:5:56 pm.
i think my best friend really hates me :(
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Wednesday, August 13th, 2003

Subject:i hate fuckin drama
Time:12:10 am.
Music:Dashboard Confessional (pathetic I know) - Standard Lines.
Ah things are so fucked up. Ok so I hung out with Ann, Mike, and his friend tonight. Mike has like 4 girls that he likes here. Ann liked Connor but then started liking Mike. Mike said he thought I was "kool and hot" in his words(still messed up I know ha) so Ann got mad. Now she's pissed at me b/c she said that this is exactly what happened with me and her and David, except Mike likes her and David didn't?? I dunno that's what she said. Ahh I hate this fuckin shit. And I just wish we could have all just stayed friends b/c Mike is really cool and it would have been alot easier.

Everything is so fucked up tonight. Ok I don't know what I'm doing with David. I am completely in love with him. But he makes me like fuckin fuze myself everynight. We have nothing in common, all we do is fight. But I love him and now I wish I didn't. He asked me what my fucking problem is? Seriously you'd think he would know by now. I hate this shit so much. I hate it. I wish I didn't have to deal with anything like this. I want to run away. I really do. I don't want to be here with all this. Why is everyone so sensitive? Why do I get sensitive? You'd think I'd know how fucked up people are by now. David and I are fighting again. I hate when we fight. I just want things to end. I love him so much, but I hate what he does to me. He is such an asshole to me. I don't know anyone could hurts me like he does. Tell me what to do! HELP ME! SAVE ME FROM MYSELF AND MY LIFE.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, August 12th, 2003

Subject:Being a fuck up
Time:6:33 pm.
Mood: cold.
Music:Brand New - Jude Law and a Semester Abroad.
I was reading my book today...and I wonder what would happen if I crushed up my medicine and snorted it? Because it's not doin anything for me how it is right now. It really sucks too. I am so sick of this. Where they took my blood, my vain has like expanded and it's turned like a really funny color. I don't like it. It's really icky. So How are things with you? I am sure you hate reading about how much I complain but I can't help it considering my website has been taken away. After reading all those quotes you sent me today...makes me realize I'm a complete joke to everyone. I'm just one of the millions of fucked up kids who want to die. Seriously 1 in millions. I am a joke. It sucks because even though millions share the exact same feeling, you still feel alone, ya know what I mean? This whole things sucks. I hate how this just sucks. It's true though physical pain elimates mental pain. I have to go...my dad is home and I'm like supervised on here sometimes. Yea it's fuckin gay cya
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:Being a fuck up
Time:6:33 pm.
Mood: cold.
Music:Brand New - Jude Law and a Semester Abroad.
I was reading my book today...and I wonder what would happen if I crushed up my medicine and snorted it? Because it's not doin anything for me how it is right now. It really sucks too. I am so sick of this. Where they took my blood, my vain has like expanded and it's turned like a really funny color. I don't like it. It's really icky. So How are things with you? I am sure you hate reading about how much I complain but I can't help it considering my website has been taken away. After reading all those quotes you sent me today...makes me realize I'm a complete joke to everyone. I'm just one of the millions of fucked up kids who want to die. Seriously 1 in millions. I am a joke. It sucks because even though millions share the exact same feeling, you still feel alone, ya know what I mean? This whole things sucks. I hate how this just sucks. It's true though physical pain elimates mental pain. I have to go...my dad is home and I'm like supervised on here sometimes. Yea it's fuckin gay cya
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:Being a fuck up
Time:6:33 pm.
Mood: cold.
Music:Brand New - Jude Law and a Semester Abroad.
I was reading my book today...and I wonder what would happen if I crushed up my medicine and snorted it? Because it's not doin anything for me how it is right now. It really sucks too. I am so sick of this. Where they took my blood, my vain has like expanded and it's turned like a really funny color. I don't like it. It's really icky. So How are things with you? I am sure you hate reading about how much I complain but I can't help it considering my website has been taken away. After reading all those quotes you sent me today...makes me realize I'm a complete joke to everyone. I'm just one of the millions of fucked up kids who want to die. Seriously 1 in millions. I am a joke. It sucks because even though millions share the exact same feeling, you still feel alone, ya know what I mean? This whole things sucks. I hate how this just sucks. It's true though physical pain elimates mental pain. I have to go...my dad is home and I'm like supervised on here sometimes. Yea it's fuckin gay cya
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:Being a fuck up
Time:6:33 pm.
Mood: cold.
Music:Brand New - Jude Law and a Semester Abroad.
I was reading my book today...and I wonder what would happen if I crushed up my medicine and snorted it? Because it's not doin anything for me how it is right now. It really sucks too. I am so sick of this. Where they took my blood, my vain has like expanded and it's turned like a really funny color. I don't like it. It's really icky. So How are things with you? I am sure you hate reading about how much I complain but I can't help it considering my website has been taken away. After reading all those quotes you sent me today...makes me realize I'm a complete joke to everyone. I'm just one of the millions of fucked up kids who want to die. Seriously 1 in millions. I am a joke. It sucks because even though millions share the exact same feeling, you still feel alone, ya know what I mean? This whole things sucks. I hate how this just sucks. It's true though physical pain elimates mental pain. I have to go...my dad is home and I'm like supervised on here sometimes. Yea it's fuckin gay cya
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:Being a fuck up
Time:6:33 pm.
Mood: cold.
Music:Brand New - Jude Law and a Semester Abroad.
I was reading my book today...and I wonder what would happen if I crushed up my medicine and snorted it? Because it's not doin anything for me how it is right now. It really sucks too. I am so sick of this. Where they took my blood, my vain has like expanded and it's turned like a really funny color. I don't like it. It's really icky. So How are things with you? I am sure you hate reading about how much I complain but I can't help it considering my website has been taken away. After reading all those quotes you sent me today...makes me realize I'm a complete joke to everyone. I'm just one of the millions of fucked up kids who want to die. Seriously 1 in millions. I am a joke. It sucks because even though millions share the exact same feeling, you still feel alone, ya know what I mean? This whole things sucks. I hate how this just sucks. It's true though physical pain elimates mental pain. I have to go...my dad is home and I'm like supervised on here sometimes. Yea it's fuckin gay cya
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, August 11th, 2003

Subject:Feeling....
Time:11:21 pm.
Mood: disappointed.
Music:Taking Back Sunday - Cute Without the E.
Hey Dude. I feel so sick right now. I feel like throwing up. It's so icky. I hate this feeling. I also feel kinda like shit right now too. Because David was going to come over right...yea well he decided to go to Lexi's for like an hour first then only was here for like 20 minutes? Ok seriously what the fuck is that about? I hate this so much. I hate being jealous, but I am. I hate it. It's horrible. It really sucks. I just want to fuck myself up now again. I want to do everything possible to get fucked up. Yet I don't know what to do. I had to go to the doctor and get MORE medicine which sucks and I hate it. I got blood drawn and it hurt so bad. It's not like cutting, it felt so weird. I like couldn't walk after and got so dizzy I almost fainted. Which I must admit would have been good to do. I hate this. I am pissed now. I wish I could go to your cabin. It'd be so awesome. It'd be so much better than being here right now. I hate this, I always run away when I get in a problem. I like go sit in my room and think about all the shit that pisses me off, then I get fucked up from that and fuze. It's so stupid!! I hate how my dad is trying to fix me. He's like making lists of things to do when I get angry. How pathetic is that? I hate it so much. He is like making me sit and have "talks" with him. I can't wait to leave here. It's gonna suck though there too I bet. I mean I know I'll be away from my parents but it's gonna suck not hanging out with as much. I'm gonna have to see a weekly person which sucks. Damnit...I'll I do it complain. It's seriously ALL I fucking do. I should try keeping it in more. Or taking out on myself I guess...I mean it just wouldn't be that bad. Then people wouldn't have to hear about me fucking hating everything. I dunno whatever. I'm gonna go. I'll talk to you tomorrow or something.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:So kiss me hard...
Time:9:34 pm.
Mood: amused.
Music:Fuel - Shimmer.
Cuz this will be the last time that I let you....

So yea David is coming over in like a half an hour. Hopefully he'll be nice. Yea so anyways...Went to esse. I got those shafted mints. Haha He brought them in a sweet case. I'll show it to you. We gotta hang out with him this week b/c I gotta give the case back. Omg Esse is the like boringest thing ever. I had to sit in the fucking front! Kyle and I were both late and had to sit in front. Then he was giving me shit the whole time about it. He and Walt are moving him into the basement. He's getting like the sweetest room. So you should um...go check it out...Haha. Anyways...I'm so in the mood to do like anything. Like try any shit. It's kinda cool. Kyle is getting this other thing from Kristin. I'll tell ya later. Ahh I have to go take my ESSE test tomorrow. (I just noticed I have written that 3 different ways ha I'm stupid) I hope I pass b/c I want my permit. But I won't get a car it'll suck. So we gotta run away once you get your car hahaha. It'll be so awesome. And we can drive to my cabin next summer. I'm so fuckin tried. I really need to try to get to bed earlier. It's so weird I have like a TV right in front of me yet I haven't ever turned it on really b/c I insist on listening to music. I started listening to FUEL tonight. It's awesome. Haha I'm such a dumbass...I was so afraid I was gonna smell like it tonight. But I don't think I do, so It's cool. Pat said I was being a pussy when I did it. Haha Oh well...I'm going again.
Oh yea...I'm so fuckin sorry I can't come this weekend. It sucks. I'm so pissed about that. I wanted to go really bad. I'm sorry. I really want to sometime though.

Shit I had something else to say but I forget...I'll write more later. Cya around dude
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, August 10th, 2003

Subject:skull, guitar, penguin
Time:8:05 pm.
Mood: flirty.
Music:rapid hope loss & as lovers go - dashboard.
hey you! right now im eating vanilla ice cream with whipped cream, sprinkles, and brownies...the ones that you made. how neat.

yeah i just got back from that house i went to and it was actually a lot of fun. the only thing that sucked was their hot son (whos going to be a junior at waconia) wasnt there cuz he had to work but he has a gf anyways but still it would of been cool to flirt. but yeah anyways i went tubing and chilled with their daughters yeah my sister went water skiing i was going to but i was too lazy haha.

tomorrow soccer is starting and thats going to suck i have to get up really early cuz im in a car pool with 3 other people...emily grano, allison s, and some other person i dont even know her name. but yeah thats not cool, it starts at 8 and i have to get up early just to pick them all up.

"you've got me all wrong, but you've got me"


ok im going to type up the rest of the quotes for you eventually but tonight im watching sleepy hollow with my sister and looking for my soccer stuff but when i type more ill send them to you. heres a good song. im going to bold the parts i like and if i really like it ill italic it too.

As Lovers Go


She said, "I've gotta be honest.

You're wasting time if your're fishing round here."

And I said, "You must be mistaken,

'Cause I'm not fooling.

This feeling is real."

And she said, she said, "You've gotta be crazy.

What do you take me for, some kind of easy mark?

You got wits, you got looks, you got passion,

But I swear that you've got me all wrong, all wrong,

But you've got me."


I'll be true

I'll be useful

I'll be cavalier

I'll be yours, my dear

And I'll belong to you if you just let me through


This is easy as lovers go

So don't complicate it by

hesitating

This is wonderful as loving goes

This is tailor made

What's the sense of waiting?


I said, "I've gotta be honest.

I've been waiting for you all my life.

For so long I thought I wasn't gonna settle down,

But just seeing you makes me think twice.

The feel of you here makes me sane.

I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my sight."

You've got wits, you've got looks, you've got passion,

But are you brave enough to leave with me tonight

Tonight, tonight

You've got me


I'll be true

I'll be useful

I'll be cavalier

I'll be yours, my dear

And I'll belong to you if you just let me through


This is easy as lovers go,

So dont complicate it by hesitating.

This is wonderful as loving goes,

This is tailor made

What's the sense of waiting?


This is easy as lovers go,

So dont complicate it by hesitating.

This is wonderful as loving goes,

This is tailor made

What's the sense of waiting?


cya around dude. if you find anymore quoutes just type them up and send them. thanks dude. oh yeah can you go up north for sure on friday? and if you can would u be able to get to my house around 11? my sister will get home about 12 but i want to burn the cds that you dont have and that i dont have of urs...alright give me a call.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, August 9th, 2003

Subject:quotes?
Time:3:26 pm.
Mood: pensive.
Music:Dashboard Confessional (wow somethings new haha) - Drowning.
These are all from Elizabeth Wurtzel:

Even worse from the depression itself is the fear I seem to have about never escaping it.

If you were to find a shattered mirror, find all the pieces, all the shards and all the tiny chips, and have whatever skill and patience it took to put all that broken glass together so that it was complete once again, the restored mirror would still be spider webbed with cracks, it would still be a useless glued version of its former self, which could show only fragmented reflections of anyone looking into it.

Sometimes, I get so consumed by depression that it is hard to believe that the whole world doesn’t stop and suffer with me.

The atypically depressed are more likely to be the walking wounded, people like me who are quite functional, whose lives proceed almost as usual, except that they’re depressed ALL the time, almost constantly embroiled in thoughts of suicide even as they go through their paces. – but one that is quite severe and yet still somehow allows an appearance of normalcy because it becomes, overtime, a part of life. Because atypical depression doesn’t have a peak-or, more accurately a nadir – like normal depression, because it follows no logical curve but instead accumulates overtime, it can drive its victim to dismal despair so suddenly that one might not have bothered to attend to treatment until the patient has already, and seemingly very abruptly, attempted suicide. (This is my condition, just to let you know rkmno-my person said that I have definitely gone into severe stage...bye bye computer :/ )

God do I wish that every psychiatrist I have ever dealt with could know what it’s like to be a patient and to feel desperate. I wish they could know what it’s like to wake up every morning afraid you’re gong to live.

But just as a little but of knowledge is a dangerous thing, a little bit of energy, in the hands of someone hell-bent on suicide, is a very dangerous thing.

I don’t know if I’m running because I’m scared or I’m scared because I’m running.

Very early in my life it was too late

How can you hide from what never goes away?

Everything’s plastic, we are all going to die sooner or later so what does it matter?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok so here is my deal:

I really am trying not to think about killing myself anymore. (and after those pictures last night ya know...the whole kutting thing is kinda scaring me too) But really, yes so I did the other night, and I know I will again, and you, you fuck, fucking lied to me. I hate you for that. At least I tell you. You are a fucking liar but I forgive you haha...I suppose I should forgive you...considering I choked you last night with your purse for doing that shit haha. Well anyways...back to me b/c everything is about me...HAHAHAHAHA. Anyways..

I can't find any explanation for the reason people are so afraid to die. So I guess what I figure is..It's just the way it's supposed to be. We are suppose to be afraid to die. But I think God picks the people like us, who aren't afraid to die...to maybe like do something about it, ya know? Like do something that people who are afraid to die, can't do. Does that make sence? I was thinking about this deeply last night. Ya know when we were just lying there listening to Brand New. They are amazing. That guys voice is so good.

Dude Tom said that the only way he'd let you and Pat try out my genius plan (to remind you...they go to pablos and u sneek to his car and you know what to do from there) but he said I'd have to hang out with him then... :/ I don't want to............

Ok well I'm going to go because I have to do my laundry and finish all these quotes and get ready for church! Adios rkmno...but not for long.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, August 8th, 2003

Subject:fucku
Time:4:03 pm.
hey fuck i'm better now. i am happy again. i know that is sudden. but i am! i'm happy. thank u fuck
Comments: Add Your Own.

Blurty for helz & rkmno's jude law.

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
View:Calendar.
View:Memories.
You're looking at the latest 19 entries.