i am low life scumm eh   
07:24pm 19/07/2003
  Apparently it is ok for me to talk about calculus and English and science while i am in high school,

but it is not ok for me to have a political opinion before i’ve “have me an education”, says then man who made racial comments at dinner in the presence of the race he was commenting on.

He said that the AIDs in africa would never be cured and it was useless for the involvement of the united states. He also said that bush was doing a fine job.

i know that u shouldn’t talk politics in this family because i; “you are wrong because you don’t have a job, and you don’t know what’s like in the real world”

excuse me if i must, anyone can read, anyone can watch the news. there are a wide variety of sources in every political field saying the same thing. and i’m sorry for my self that no one in my family takes the time to understand the international events in the world.

I cannot under stand how someone, who is dying of cancer, and is being treated by chemo therapy , and who has been in and out of treatment for more than 6 years can sit there and say it’s useless to try and fight AIDs. Right now i am huffy mad, and i do not care who tells me these things, or what is wrong with them. I shouldn't have to have sympathy for someone because they have been slowly dying. It is not my fault that no one wants to hear what i have to say.

and obviously i need to go get me a college degree and work in the real world before i can understand politics. even though it is all so clean and clear.

right now it is not the world i don’t understand. it is my own family. everytime i turn around i am being told that i do not know what i am talking about. everytime i talk to someone i am harassed for what i’m wearing.

i had my unity sweatshirt on with the black and white hands holding each other. my grandpa says “you don’t understand what you’re wearing” // fuck. i don’t fucking understand him. i know he grew up in the 30s and 40s and he hates blacks. but fuck, i’m not gonna sit there and have some one that i’m supposed to love, and who’s supposed to love and accept me criticize my friends. i do not even care what he thinks until he says something straight up racist. Then my grandmother tells me “well, you are racist to your grandfather and me, and your parents” i do not understand her logic and definition of ‘racist’, but last time i checked we were all white, but who knows. i don’t.

so anyways.

margaret. i’m sorry for what i said. i didn’t mean it in an offensive way. i know what you are going through. i’m sorry.

i know you probably don’t care. and that’s fine. right now i’m living with a family who doesn’t care, i’m reading and hearing about friends who don’t care. so in turn i don’t care. i feed off the people around me. when i look for guidance and opinion i am told i won’t understand. when i give my own opinion i’m criticized. i don’t know what i’m supposed to say that doesn’t offend anyone. i guess i will take a break from being online, from being involved in people’s lifes, from caring about my family, from caring about my friends, and lastly from believing in myself.

because when i believe in myself, people stop believing in me, because i am not believing in them.

i’m sorry that i am a bitch. that is all that i am. and ignorant, faithless bitch. i am supposed to give my life to god. OF COURSE my grand father would know even though he leaves before communion every sunday. but whatever. people don’t have to believe in and act in their ‘beliefs’ before they try and sell them to someone else.

All that i’ve learned is the Christian faith in this man is fucked up. and from what i know about the bible and god, is that all creatures are accepted. hopefully he will go to heaven when he dies.. i don’t really want to talk to him. i cannot have a conversation with any member of my family without being accused of treason and falsehood.

if i am so false, why would i be going to volunteer my next two weeks and NOT get paid. why would i work my ass off at camp, why would i want to look for a peaceful stance in my community and try to lobby for a better environment in all forms of living.

i don’t understand.

i care so much. but i don’t understand.

i guess i will know when i get that fancy engineering degree, won’t i.

that is all. i’ve beaten myself with many sticks and i’m about buried.

i don’t know when i’ll write again.

also, amy if you are reading this. i am supposed to talk to you i guess. i don’t know. all i can say with out going into something so private in this public ness is that i am not mad at you..


     Read 18 - Post
09:39am 18/07/2003
  come and join:


4:00-8:00 p.m., July 18, 2003
2201 N. Stemmons Freeway (I-35 & Market Center)

Tell President Bush just how you feel!
Join a peaceful and legal picket line at his fundraiser at the Dallas Wyndham Anatole Hotel!
All who are prepared to peacefully express disagreement with Bush regime actions are invited.

Reasons for picketing include:

Economic Insecurity

Marginalizing of Minorities and Immigrants

Dismantling of the Bill of Rights

Undermining Education

Aggressive Foreign Policy

Lies And Deception

Destroying the Environment

Public transit options to the Anatole Hotel include the Trinity Rail Express commuter train, which stops at Medical Market Center Station behind Parkland Hospital. Dart bus route #49 stops directly in front of the hotel: inbound it's the #49 Downtown bus; from downtown it's the #49 Regal Row.

Sponsors include:
The Dallas Peace Center
North Texas Coalition for a Just Peace
Coalition for the Advancement of Civil Rights
Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now (ACORN)

For up-to-date information:

11:21am 09/07/2003
mood: amused
-- Name: Carling
-- Birth date: -
-- Birthplace: Dallas.
-- Current Location: dallas, TX
-- Eye Color: brown
-- Hair Color: brown, very dry and dead, and orange roots.
-- Height: 5-2-3/4
-- Righty or Lefty: right
-- Zodiac Sign: cancerian

-- Your heritage: lots, irish,german, dutch, etc.
-- The shoes you wore today: 10i steel toe doc.s
-- Your fears: failing camp again/.
-- Your perfect pizza: cheese, sauce with no onions, and black olives.
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: become an engineer, work at camp, work for nasa, teach- that is all one goal.

-- Your most overused phrase on AIM: whtever
-- Your thoughts first waking up: why is my mom waking me up
-- Your best physical feature: none; some people say my eyes, or my fucked up hair.
-- Your bedtime: ummm.. when i fall asleep
-- Your most cherished memory: camp

-- Pepsi or Coke: no soda for me.
-- McDonald's or Burger King: gross
-- Single or group dates: dates?
-- Adidas or Nike: docs
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: green tea
-- Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla
-- Cappuccino or coffee: no caffiene

-- Smoke: no pot, cigarettes only.
-- Cuss: alot
-- Sing: no. what if i was in a band. everyone does it these days.
-- Take a shower everyday: no.
-- Have a crush(es): maybe; but right this moment not really
-- Do you think you've been in love: no; but i do love my best friend, like a friend.
-- Want to go to college: yes
-- Like(d) high school: no, i really don't; the people are overly interesting, but no
-- Want to get married: not really
-- Believe in yourself: at some moments
-- Get motion sickness: no
-- Think you're attractive: not really
-- Think you're a health freak: hah
-- Get along with your parent(s): one word;no
-- Like thunderstorms: yes, but not lightining, it scares me lots
-- Play an instrument: violin

In the past month...
-- Drank alcohol: yes
-- Smoked: not weed
-- Done a drug: no
-- Had Sex: no
-- Made Out: no
-- Gone on a date: no
-- Gone to the mall?: no
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no
-- Eaten sushi: no
-- Been on stage: no
-- Been dumped: no
-- Gone skating: no
-- Made homemade cookies: no
-- Gone skinny dipping: no
-- Dyed your hair: yes
-- Stolen anything: yes

-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: yes
-- If so, was it mixed company: yes
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yes
-- Been caught "doing something": no
-- Been called a tease: no, hah , but at camp in the comfort of the lodge, quite a few times.
-- Gotten beaten up: no
-- Shoplifted: yes; like everytime i go to the store, it's a compulsive behaviour, i am compulsive
-- Changed who you were to fit in: no

-- Age you hope to be married: whenever, if it happens
-- Numbers and Names of Children: i hate this question always
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: ..........
-- How do you want to die: don't care
-- Where you want to go to college: UT in Austin
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: Astronaut, teacher
-- What country would you most like to visit: Any middle eastern country, or africa.

In a guy/girl..
-- Best eye color? any color
-- Best hair color? whtever color they like
-- Short or long hair: long on guys, any length on girls
-- height: eh doesn't matter
-- Best weight: .. fat boy club...... ----as long as they're not obese heh
-- Best articles of clothing: torn up comfy jeans, or blaCK SHIRT
-- Best first date location: anywhere
-- Best first kiss:..................

-- Number of drugs taken illegally: i don't know. it's not like there's so many drugs i can't count them, but i don't feel like thinking of it, cause it includes prescription drugs... cigs are illegal underage in texas... so that is my #1 drug of choice.
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: 1-elizabeth baker/- maybe one other.
-- Number of CDs that I own: maybe 100... non burned. i dont know
-- Number of piercings: belly.
-- Number of tattoos: none
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? not very much at all.. and not since like the 80s, or in beer ads.
-- Number of scars on my body: clever question.... , but the real question is could i even count
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: smoking at camp. i don't really regret it, i just wish that i hadn't have done it.
06:21pm 02/07/2003
  there were these limbs;
car on limbs

cassie making up lizard;
cassie and liz


lizard by the water;

pretty girls;
carebear and lizard

john and margaret:
john and margie

Lizard and margie
carebear and liz

lizard is pretty
lizard the pretty
     Read 4 - Post
camp pictures   
06:17pm 02/07/2003
  Fellow CIT Group:
Left to Right-
Top- Margie, John, Amy, Sam, Airika, Joey, and Mary-Margaret(our director)
Bottom- Elizabeth, Carling, Cassie

cit group

Carling and SN boy Alex(sunglasses):

carling and alex

Carling and Cassie switch outfits= tight(size 25=reallysmall)/loose(size ladies 9=really big)

carling and cassie

Cassie and her sweet nuzzle:

cassie and margie

Carling and Lizard in the van:

carebear and lizard...

Kitchen girls w/ nice apron capes:

bear and lizard
09:47pm 01/07/2003
Magic Number18
JobPorn Star
TemperamentAn Oft-Exploding Volcano
SexualWhatever, Whenever, Whoever
Likely To WinSome Lubricant
Me - In A WordWhirlwind
Brought to you by MemeJack

     Read 2 - Post
01:57pm 01/07/2003
  life it sucks.
when you want something so bad it hurts/
i just want the feeling of being at camp.