alida's Blurty
 
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in alida's Blurty:

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    Sunday, December 21st, 2003
    8:44 pm
    sometimes..i wish i was curly sue
    well hmm lets see..friday was secret santa!that was so fun..lauren let me wear her 2-2..(too scared to attempt the spelling)..and tyler got me a camera and picture frames..plus one super disturbing funny card..thank you again for the stuff tyler..a thoughtful present indeed..everyone looked especially pretty on friday..we should dress special all the time

    hmm on saturday i was sad because i thought i was going to go to the mall and then to austins but it turns out that i couldnt go to austins and i just hung out at the mall with my sister..which sort of sucked since i lost her and reunited with her about an hour later..but i did see my friend bobbie and his friend louis who was very funny..he was telling me all about the new madonna cd he'd just bought and how excited he was to listen to it..hahah he was cool

    what else oh yea..this is a stupid thing to say but here it goes..jess got me a chocolate sucker type thing and yesterday morning i put it in the toaster(still holding on to it) and then ate it when it was like half melted..it was so good

    i feel like hanging out with charlie from perks...gees i feel like hanging out with anybody..nobody calls me..i had chili for dinner and it was good..i also went to supertarget and got a shirt and some gum and a present for my sister..but my mom told me that my dad said he didnt want to see us on christmas so i started to cry in the middle of super target..i felt like a baby but it hurt my feelings since he didnt want to spend it with me and celeste..i didnt do anything wrong..it was just hard to live there so i had to leave..im not a bad person

    i want to say this to my dad:
    i cant believe that you don't want to take me and celeste to grammas on thursday. it was bad enough that i was the one that had to call you to tell you happy thanksgiving. you know as well as i do that things just didn't work out while we lived together and i think i did a good thing by leaving. i think it was a brave thing for me to do but all you do is punish me and confuse me. i didn't think youd be able to hurt me almost just as much if i was away. stop hurting me. stop it

    i dont feel good

    Current Mood: stupid
    Wednesday, December 17th, 2003
    4:33 pm
    Love, Santa Claus
    so today was good..not very eventful but good..i have good laughs with matt and alex..:)..o yea the best cutest funniest thing happened!

    in english we were all given letters from 2nd graders to santa claus..then we had to write back pretending we were santa. is it just me or is that sort of mean? anyways i got a little girl named jenna that only wanted peace and homes for the homeless..she was so cool..when i was that old im almost positive i would have asked for every material item on the toys r us shelves..its good to know that a few other people had letters like that too.. hopefully it wasnt some bullshit prompt the teacher gave them before they wrote the papers though..either way i had a cool 2nd grader to write to today...then i had to sign everyones letter" Love, Santa Claus". I felt special.(cheesie grin)

    have a good day everyone and eat a snowflake or two

    love,me

    Current Mood: happy
    Wednesday, December 10th, 2003
    11:38 pm
    oo shiggity-wam-biggity im so tired.. i cant sleep though.. don't feel like dreaming just yet for some reason..well ill get my dose of late night weirdness soon enough..so let me tell yall about my day..my mom took me to school in a galaxy far far away...

    yea so i went to school and had to stay after until 530 for choir rehearsal because my mom couldnt get me in time to bring me back for it..so yep i stayed at school from 8 to freakin 9! many hours! its ok it went by fast.. im readin a new jack kerouac book and it makes me think hard so time flies..time doesnt fly when im havin fun as much as it flies when im thinking too hard..dunno thats just how i am..im also very patient because this rickety old computer would normally be cause for annoyance and potential bomb threats to humanity but im feeling pretty good pretty pretty good

    im missing austin very very much..hes sick with the flu and has missed 3 days o' schooo..he lost his voice on the phone this weekend though and it had to be the greatest thing ive heard all year..not that i take some kind of sick pleasure in the temporary absence of my favorite boys vocal ability..ok ok i did i admit it..he sounds a little better though now.. i cant see him until saturday..the day i have no choir concerts..seems like an eternity..just a big fat gooey eternity..well now what else..

    i went to my house last night to get some choir things and my dad insisted on talking to me for a wee while...lets just say that:
    1 psychotic mobster+2 innocent teenagers+1 oblivious brainwashed child+the brainwashed child's puppy=our pleasant little rendezvous last nite..i hated it and my dad got really mad and really weird..i dont miss him one little bit but i do miss mario even though hes a stranger now..as soon as we moved out my dad bought him a puppy..sad sad desperate attempts to buy your childs soul mr. lucifer..sad sad attempts

    i want to get the whole lawyer thing slash child support thing done with so he can just give us the damned amount of money a month and we can be on our ways..lately ive felt a little more like myself and a little less all at the same time..ive felt weird but i know for sure that ive made the right choice..its just a weird transition

    is this becoming a long entry? hmm sort of ..well dont worry im almost done

    i love austin

    ok ok now im done
    love, me

    Current Mood: good
    Current Music: thin air
    Saturday, December 6th, 2003
    2:48 pm
    :)hmmm
    yeehaw i havent updated in about 75 days...i moved in with my mom and im so much happier and im not jumpy or nervous or anxious...im so happy..ive been here for almost a month now i think or something like that...my dad went psycho for the very last time and i just had to leave. so me and my sister left and things have been working out pretty well..the money situation should be looking up soon because my dad might have to pay child support if my mom takes him to court. its looking like that will happen because shes struggling just to give us lunch money every week. i love it here though i really do and im happy happy happy ladeedoo ive also been drowning in wonderful books lately..i live so close to the downtown library now yay love me <3
    Friday, November 7th, 2003
    8:04 pm
    haha i guess it wasnt as long as i expected...by the way here's some brain food for thought


    "There are things far too dark to comprehend...sleep on it for one more night, one more night, my sad old friend"

    i wonder how many kids think cursive wrote that line for them?? well to arkansass with you because its for meeeee dangit

    <3<3A<3<3<3<3U<3<3<3S<3<3T<3<3<3I<3<3<3N<3<3 i miss you
    7:26 pm
    hello everyone and yes i am alive

    sorry for no updation( word? didnt think so) mario and celeste are spending the weekend with my mom and they left me here all alone with the devil during his peak of asshole-ness( get it? devils..peak? gosh im on fire..haha fire...devil! aaand im done)at first just celeste was going for tonight but i get lost in a book and by the time i look up they're both saying bye and that they'll be back on sunday til noon...urg i dont feel good enough to go anyways

    yea so my english teacher gave me another book to read..i read this one in a few hours because i had nothing better to do...apparently im grounded for leaving the garage door open when i went to the adams talent show..did i mention that it was open for 5 minutes until my father got home and he called me numerous times to scream at me and finally got ahold of me when tyler was taking me home...where i cried and was very sad until my dad to informed me i was grounded all weekend and the agony bloomed into acute devastation?enough said about that..ill escape someday

    yes so my only company i have is the saltine-chomping lullaby im creating along with the devil snoring upstairs...im embracing this lonliness with surprising lack of hesitation..i think i needed to be alone for a while and sort of catch up with myself...

    ive been so itchy in this skin lately..its time for a new skin bag..im just not content

    the books ive been reading have been amazing..and i got new cd's lately as well...luckily im not as sad as i usually am for the grounded weekend time..i need to write a story or something im just frustrated..i stopped writing poems lately because all that damn symbolism bullshit has been distorting what ive really wanted to say for a long time...next thought

    today the number of people i usually ride home with was cut in half, so it was just me and 2 older guys in the front..i was forced to listen to this snobby little fucker tell me how different i am and that im a freak...his surpressed arrogance was just oozing out of his pointy little demon ears...im used to people letting the words "youre different" slip out of their tight lipped thoughts, but truly offensive, it is not...the little line about being a freak made my insides stir just a little though..ive never endured such a long car ride...i hope they choke on their little abercrombie shell necklaces

    on top of this pleasant chain of events, im sick and have been wheezing for the past couple hours..my throat is killing me..weather is killing me..its winter in disguise and i hate it...it was fall for approximately 3 days...

    schools been fairly routine each day..i arrive with wet hair and a shitty attitude..i leave with dry hair and a shitty attitude..ah the magic of adolescence

    who knows maybe the silence will choke me and ill be spilling my guts again in another couple hours..until then...

    Current Mood: discontent
    Current Music: my chemical romance- demolition lovers
    Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003
    7:49 pm
    when the shadows beam
    urg i want austin to get home so i can talk to him..i had a pretty good day..i had an amazing yesterday..had a half day and then spent the rest of the day with him..god this feeling is unexpectedly growing like a wet gremlin..at least i think gremlins grow when theyre wet..kara said that the "evils come out of gizmos ass or something like that" haha i love it..anyhoo i dont have school tomorrow or friday so thats dandy..woop woop for pointless days spent watching spongebob in my jammies :) i think i get to see austin tomorrow too COWABUNGA!!!

    today i was talking about something and my face got really hot because it meant so much to me...its been too long since thats happened

    Current Mood: bored
    Current Music: silverstein~last days of summer
    Monday, October 20th, 2003
    6:47 pm
    ~think happy thoughts~
    lalala yesterday...static lullaby..my chemical romance...murder by death...it was all lovely lovely fun..a static lullaby kept having problems with their 'struments..but other than that it was all smooth beautiful music sailing...i went with austin and little jeff..the car ride there was fun because little jeff's step dad didnt go so me and austin just got to hang out in the back the whole time..his moms funny i like her...

    anyhoo we got there and it was a nice lil place i loved it...not too big..not too small..i wasnt too big on christiansen and vaux wasnt my full cup o tea...but murder by death was completely awesome they are just the perfect amount of weirdness and talent...the piano player was so little and accurate and sarah the cello player was so passionate and fun to watch..i couldnt take my eyes off her..i want to see them again

    then a static lullaby played and opened with a song ive never heard slash didnt like that much so i was like "eh"...but then they played most of my favorites..they were sort of cocky..i dont know what it was but i just didnt like joe's 'tude for the most part...phil was holding it all together- he was a schweetie..joe signed my ticket and grabbed my arm afterwards so i was happy about that though..

    well next was my chemical romance and that was sooooo great...frank came down into the front and i sang with him so that was coool..i loved being by austin the entire time..when early sunsets over monroeville came on i thought i was going to fly away haha i was so happy to be with him...(austin it was the next best thing to the heaven we talked about)i was happy to be next to kara for vampires toooo...even though we didnt get to buy merch i still had an amazing time...

    the schoolday wasnt as bad as i thought it would be..i felt bad for alex because someone thought he was a girl again today..poor kid..if anyone is ever near the chocolate factory in the mall you should run up to the nice blonde boy with the piercing eyes and tell him he's manly..he needs it :/

    i hope i can go to the mall with austin tomorrow...this is going to be a difficult weekend..im going to oregon and hes going to chicago..soo far :(...well im pretty thirsty so goodbye love,me

    Current Mood: happy
    Current Music: mae~soundtrack for our movie
    Tuesday, October 14th, 2003
    4:26 pm
    i had a pretty eventful weekend..i havent updated in so long..well here goes..

    friday me austin and sean were off to the laville game and it was nice outside...me and austin sat on the tennis courts and looked at the moon that appeared to be an oversized tangerine dancing in the twilight..then we went back to karas and that was fun..i love kara..after her house i went back to austins and sadly went home

    saturday i did some house work then my dad got mad at me again..so i got the crap outta there, went to austins, then to the show..then to bakers and to karas..so much to do so lil tiiime..i had fun at karas..ate worms..talked and talked..exchanged sketches..wonderful times..

    in the morning kara and me ate french toast with her parents..her dad was being very talkative and i got a good laugh in even though my eyes were so droopy i could count my eyelashes...i was very tired but church sort of woke me up..i loved karas quote "if you want to feel invisible or strange just come here" haha it stuck in my head for a long time..

    then i came home and went to fernwood..no not austins neighborhood(i wish :/) but the nature park place..it was nice outside but i was pretty tired..i had fun though..on the way home we stopped by this lady selling stuff on the side of the road..i bought some cool little buttons..then i went home...

    i had a great conversation with austin on the phone that night..hes like sunshine...i need him to live but if i stare too long i get teary eyed ;) cheez cheez cheez..well then i had trouble getting to sleep and when i woke up i got sick..i didnt go to school and i was miserable today but i didnt want to miss anymore..makeup work is a bitch...well that about covers the last few days...

    o yea my chemical romance and a static lullaby on sunday woop woop im happy kara and sean are going for sure too yessss have a lovely day in the beautiful rain...love, me

    Current Mood: sick
    Current Music: my chemical romance~CANT WAIT YAYYY
    Wednesday, October 8th, 2003
    9:09 pm
    you are the roots that sleep beneath my feet that hold the earth in place
    hi journal!

    well im not sure when the last time i updated was..im thinking it was quite a while ago..we've been moving since friday and im so tired slash sore..i got to miss school today to finish up the moving so that was annoying because i didnt get to miss for a good reason and ill have makeup work..shiza...anyhoo

    i love doug..all day i was thinking about the episode when he has a cavity- anyone remember that one? hes like at a movie theater and his candy keeps hurting his teeth so he goes into the bathroom with skeeter to check it out..haha the cheese stands alone....

    um i want to see austin sooooooooo terribly bad...i havent been able to talk to him because ive been so busy hauling crap and crap..my new room makes me so happy though and all the moving was worth it..we all like the house except my sister has a pretty melancholy attitude concerning all of this but thats understandable because she hates change more than all of us combined..

    marios at a camp for the next three days...i dont miss his clone-like tendencies when he's around my dad but he's a nice kid when he's thinking for himself..he really is..

    like a key in a lock that is larger than she...she fits in while she can;hates the space in between~ from some song i wrote in physical science yesterday..i think the sex pistols had it right..."schools are prisons" can i get a AMEN?!?!

    love,me

    Current Mood: sore
    Current Music: yeah yeah yeah's~ modern romance
    Friday, October 3rd, 2003
    10:19 pm
    Commander Venus Conor
    you're conor oberst in commander venus. His first
    real band, the one that started saddle-creek
    and lead on to bigger and better things for the
    man. without you there would be no Bright Eyes
    and no critics snaping at your heals. congrats
    for being an overachiever at such a young age.
    you rock.


    which conor oberst are you?
    brought to you by Quizilla


    haha :P

    Current Mood: yeedleponk! it means joyous
    Current Music: starting line~ motivating seperating
    9:13 pm
    you make it so much easier to believe in miracles
    ~*~*~LiLa~*~*~
    Close your eyes
    The dark outside can't hurt you
    And I will never desert your bedside
    So close them tight
    The stars are so glad that they've found you~great line
    And on the blankets that surround you
    They shine their light
    They shine their light
    So rest your head
    And I will be watching from the doorway
    As you slip into a perfect, peaceful sleep
    And morning will come
    In all its simple glory
    And you will find the light
    And I will be there
    Standing in your shadow
    Knowing that you once were mine
    All mine, my baby
    My baby, my girl
    My baby

    sheesh i love that song

    anyhoo..we started moving into the new house today...my room is so small and cozy and warm im excited to feel like a happy little groundhog in it...i hate groundhogs...perhaps a munk of chip....anyways, last night austin and sean stopped by and that made me really happy..kinda makes up for today since i cant see him..grr moving is so tedious. it was all a bad deja-vous because i feel like ive moved too much in the past couple years...life is too life-y..i want to have something normal and dependable for a little while at least...well i have austin but i mean i want something at home to be normal...maybe i dont, i wouldnt know how to handle it..im a rambler..ramble ramble ramble...

    the dashboard show is in progress as i speak...ahhhh now that im sitting home alone it makes me miss the fact that i could have gone and i was this close <--> maybe the static lullaby show would work out...id go so cah-razy if i saw them and my chemical romance i wanna go i wanna i wanna! shiza shiza shiza...im in the mood to lay on my back and laugh really hard...i mean a gigantic belly laugh...i belly laughed yesterday...haha those are precious

    i got to go to steak n shake tonight and have good food...i wasnt as hungry as i would have liked to be though because i wasnt a clean-plater :/ there's always next time! i want a haircut badly badly badly...i want it short too im surprisingly serious about it..i have to find pictures of what i want though..

    im lonely right now! i want to talk to someone about stuff that matters to them and stuff thats bothering them..i feel restless because the only time i get to be myself is on weekends and this weekend im too lonely..im so boring and quiet at school..everyday someone new asks me if i had been crying...it doesnt bother me that much..i just know its not the way i am and its an injustice to my personality to surpress it for 5/7 of the week..gosh its freezing outside lately and i love it! i ran outside and played in the rain..i almost forgot it wasnt snow...does anyone know where i can purchase the nightmare before christmas soundtrack???i need it in my life...i need a lot of things...like a nap byebye love, me

    Current Mood: relaxed
    Current Music: letterkills~clock is down
    Sunday, September 28th, 2003
    6:06 pm
    i prefer to be remembered as a smiling face..not this fucking wreck thats taking its place
    ive realized that i cant change the way people around me are...but i can change the way i react to them...if i can have a horrible week like the last...and have an amazing night last night with the people i love then the good things are worth living for and the bad can be ignored...i love my life even if it sucks...its mine and i love the people i let into it :)

    Current Mood: optimistic
    Current Music: bright eyes~no lies, just love
    Thursday, September 25th, 2003
    7:04 pm
    Maybe ill escape this weekend...maybe ill dig myself deeper...all i know is that ive been changing in a horrible way the past two years especially and its more and more difficult to cover this damn depression up...i have to reverse the inside


    Pacific Sun, you should have warned us, it gets so cold here.
    And the night can freeze, before you set it on fire.

    And our flares go unnoticed.
    Dimminished, faded just as soon as they are fired.

    We are, we are, intrigued. We are, we are, invisible.

    Oh, how we've shouted, how we've screamed, take notice, take interest, take me with you.

    But all our fears fall on deaf ears.

    Tonight, they're burning the roads they built to lead us to the light.
    And blinding our hearts with their shining lies,
    while closing our caskets cold and tight. But I'm dying to live.

    Pacific sun, you should have warned us, these heights are dizzying,
    and the climb can kill you long before the fall.

    And our trails go unmarked and unmapped and covered
    just as soon as they are crossed.

    We are, we are, intriguing. We are, we are, desirable.

    Oh how we've shouted, how we've screamed,
    take notice, take interest, take me with you.

    But all our fears fall on deaf ears.

    Tonight, they're burning the roads they built to lead us to the light.
    And blinding our hearts with their shining lies,
    while closing our caskets cold and tight. But I'm dying to live.

    Current Mood: nervous
    Tuesday, September 23rd, 2003
    9:48 pm
    austin is the meaning of life
    so last night was the worst night of my life....i dont want to go into detail because i feel that i have a few too many times in other situations today...trust me...it was horrible...i dont know what im going to do and how i can possibly change my life for the better instead of digging this hole that is my life deeper...hopefully i find the strength to do whats right for my sister and me...right now i just feel more helpless than i ever have and im petrified of my dad and petrified of the things he says to me...i wish it didnt bother me..after all this time i thought i might get better at just letting things go...austin and sean picked me and celeste up today...that made the day so much better...austin is everything i have and i am so happy hes right with me going through this even though it hurts us both so much...he really helps me and never lets me down...i love him more than anything and am so lucky to go through this with someone like him...hes really helping me through this more and more each time it happens even if he doesnt realize it...hes a strong strong boy and i love him to death...im so afraid that i wont be able to figure something out for me and celeste to do...i cant live here anymore though...its ripping my heart to shreds each time the devils mafia tendencies slice my soul deeper and deeper...i just hope when all is said and done that he gets exactly what he deserves and nothing less...no one can hurt other people that much and not receive the most horrible consequences known to man...it just wouldnt be right...well i hope that i can go through this shit again and be secure enough to actually make something happen..

    on a lighter note.....
    Hurley999NFG [9:55 PM]: he's a man with a plan, and he aint got a tan, his name his nelson bitch, and he'll kick you in yo hand, he's a midget with a curse and it gets even worse, he'll kick you in your leg, then steal your purse, hell yeah he's nelson, and he doesnt give a fuck cuz when u mess with him, you are never in luck cuz when u see nelson standin with that look upon his face, expect him to treat you like a big disgrace
    Hurley999NFG [9:55 PM]: that one was for all my homies in bruuuuuuuge

    haha that sean

    goodnight everyone i love you

    Current Mood: nervous
    Current Music: bright eyes~bowl of oranges
    Monday, September 22nd, 2003
    7:13 pm
    this great decay
    journal journal journal today i had a pretty good day but it was bad too...i had to share my personal divorce/slash/ meaning of life essay with 3 jocks and that was fuckin weird i hated it...then alex noticed i was sad and we got into this big thing about how i let people be mean to me and he was like well if you trust me i won walk all over you...scouts honor..even tho i was never a scout...i didnt like the yellow sashes haha tear what a cool kid...umm then i came home to a ballistic dad who was rantin and ravin about how miserable i am to live with and that im pathetic grr sad face i swear i cant take him hes honestly the most horrible thing to ever happen to me everyday every every every day i deal with it every day he says im pathetic everyday he gives me the meanest coldest looks that only lucifers spawn could be capable of! everyday he makes me feel as if i was the biggest mistake on earth! everyday he makes me regret birth and look forward to death all at the same fucking time...i need to talk to austin hes indescribable and too amazing for my hands to typeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee love, me

    Current Mood: blah
    Current Music: coheed and cambria~cassiopeia
    4:49 pm
    and you use my heart to dot your eye
    ya well today was ok alex made me happy but ill update later austin phone time yayyayayy

    Current Mood: numb
    Current Music: commander venus-peppermints
    Sunday, September 21st, 2003
    2:41 pm
    you kissed me so hard i bled
    siiiigh i didnt see austin enough this weekend and im insanely sad about the note we ended on last night on the phone...he wasnt as happy as hes ever been cuz the concert didnt meet his expectations...i thought it was going to be so fun for him but i guess not :/ grr i hate when hes not happy because it oozes on me and i get all ugh...so last night kara and sean picked me up and we went to hilltop, emmys, roadhouse, and back to emmys...it was a good night...me and kara sat on a freeheeheezing car and looked at the stars...i love being around kara because every emotion is anything but generic and mutual at the same time..its great...haha we danced too and emmy kara and i were "triamese" twins...then me and emmy went home and kara took sean back...so after that me and emmy stayed up like worried mothers cuz kara came back late...well after a contagiously happy kara was back we stayed up once again until the sun rose and watched nightmare before christmas...i watched that movie twice last night haha i just cant get enough...so i called austins house early this morning to find out when hed be home and his mom said 5 ahhhhhhhhh i hate it i need to see him again and feel normal shiza shiza shiza....i hope he gets to walk around the city or something today to make up for the not so great show...i have to go to a cookout for my uncle from california now...hooray...well i had an overall good weekend except for today and its not even done with yet...woo

    Current Mood: okay
    Current Music: commander venus~ my other car is a spaceship
    Wednesday, September 17th, 2003
    8:26 pm
    gimme a bear hug ;)
    shiza im scared to write another freegin entry cuz they all keep getting lost so my fingers are hesitantly trembling as of now...well yesterday was euphoric beyond believe...it was a staggering visit....sooo much better than i though itd be..and it was out of nowhere too..i needed it too because i had a crappy sappy shit day...anyhoo so yea it was awesome last nite...umm i dont know when the last time i wrote about was but many fun things have happened...i had the best weekend of the life that is mine..um but about yesterday..i feel like unnecessarily talking about it because thats what i wanna do beehotch...so yea some ass took my sketchbook and felt like he needed to toss it around and rip the binding and show other assholes in his asshole club..i felt exposed in a bad way..those fucks..then as i tried to finish up my drawing in homeroom some dickhead that looks like kusco from the emperors new groove wouldnt stop looking over my shoulder and asking me pointless stupid shit..when i dont want to be bothered its no mystery...i guess he couldnt see past his emu snout or whatever the hell he is..."thank you stranger...for your theraputic smiiiiiilllee"- bright eyes ahh makes me joyous....anyway...i feel weird because i dont have any specific thing bothering me...i feel as if i should be bothered though..maybe im forgetting something...today i talked to chad about going to the hot hot heat concert...thatd be really fun...i talked to him for a while today and i should more than i do...hes got such an insight about stuff and he knows of all my cooky bands that everyone else has to brush cobwebs out of their heads to think of...o yea last weekend i saw million dollar hotel...i wasnt enjoying it but i want to watch it again under more pleasant circumstances to do so...well things between my sister and i are officially dook-a-fied...shes got most of the things i despise about orange girls...that disappoints me...im pretty happy lately at school because ive just about reached my desired loner status..i just dont want to be bothered...the past million years ive been in school no one has said anything honest and or worth listening to so im not about to start tolerating pointless conversations with people that are just going to stab me in the back down the line...im happy i know nice people outside of school at least...and it goes without saying that austin keeps me livin...woopwoop ...i love the boy more than life..he is life..today i got to thinking...what were you thinking alida...well i was thinking about how irresponsible and selfish my mom is...i think she was put here to give me reasons to cry and reasons to feel inferior and useless...thanks wonderous lady...you make my heart bleed...anyhoo..ive been instructed to "update the blurtation"...probably a good thing since im wasting letters with this bullpoo...nitenite love~ me

    Current Mood: dorky
    Current Music: oh cursive i love you
    Friday, September 12th, 2003
    11:52 pm
    sally and jack :)
    ahhh a much needed perfect night with him...its weird how things can be fairly crappy for the both of us for the week and then when i lay eyes on him its all erased...its great because i dont even feel cheezie around him and im a pretty cheezie gal ;)...me sean and austin went to halloween usa and looked around for a while...i found some cool fairy wings but im just not into investing money into costumes...id rather get music...anyhoo...after that we went to seans for a while and waited for kara to get finished up with practice..in the meantime i drew this picture of bert that im not happy with just yet so im addicted to working on it...its so amazing to just be sitting on a huge pillow drawing and then looking up at him...i couldnt be happier...then we went to steak n shake and i ate like a wild banchie!lauren and emmy went off to the movies and i wont get into that whole thing...by the end of the night me kara austin and sean were all watching nightmare before christmas...gosh i missed that movie so much...i felt bad that kara and sean didnt see eachother for long enough :\...hopefully tomorrow or something...and hopefully tomorrow i can see austin again...off to dream...

    Current Mood: ecstatic
    Current Music: Bright Eyes- Bowl of Oranges
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