Sophia's Blurty

Subject:	I am sorry . But this just had to get out.
Time:	12:05 pm.
Mood:	crushed.
Music:	nothing.

Yet another film that I love that….. I will explain

So last night after getting up I decided to watch this movie I stumble across while looking for a song from frou frou - let go. The movie is called Jeux d'enfants and for you English speakers it’s love me if you dare. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0364517/ . The plot is :
As adults, best friends Julien and Sophie continue the odd game they started as children -- a fearless competition to outdo one another with daring and outrageous stunts. While they often act out to relieve one another's pain, their game might be a way to avoid the fact that they are truly meant for one another.

Visually it is beautiful , full of fantasy scenery to explain dreams and good acting along with a great storyline/plot. At the end of it all I cried at the greatness of this work and even went as far to say that it is officially one of my favorites. As for the crying one may ask why would I ? well out of the 200 + collection of DVD’s I own (sad isn’t it) there is possible 3 that makes me cry every time in no particular order they are Jane Eyre (masterpiece theater version) ,The curious case of Benjamin button , Casanova (masterpiece theater version). I do not have Jeux d'enfants cause it is unavailable on DVD anymore but would quickly get it. Back to what I was saying . In this case all 3 or in this case 4 has some kind of convergence of a male and female who become quick friends and ultimately lovers only to be split apart by fate itself. In some case like Jeux d’enfants and Jane Eyre they came together in some way but at the same time , time is missed. What had me going for Jeux d’enfants is the missed opportunities which they could have told each other the truth. Much like in my situation of my ex. Trust as I talk about this it is hard. I hate reflecting about this shit but there are trigger such as these movies that bring them on. Speaking for myself I had chance in which I could have changed my fate. I probably would be following my dream while doing my back up career , living a simple life style of “hardcore-ness” with him with baby(s) strap to my hips and a connection that is beyond my understanding at times . I mean this is what I saw for myself. It would have been ideal for me. It was almost like we could do anything together but at last choices for both of use leads us to now. I’m single , no kids, no significant relationships in my life to account for chasing and craving liars and uninterested men because of the possibility of some kind of future that is un-promised , unsure and then he….he has his life.

From my side my potential is what I call “half assed” I am in school for something I do not want to do with the small chance of chasing a dream (ALONE) and no support . Great Odd and yes that was sarcasm . I try to be hopeful but what is the likely hood for me. I mean one choice from my side , 3 to 4 years ago blew everything up led me to this path of unsure-ity , half ass-ness and true loneliness . This journal entry was going to be a we thing but after reading what he put ….he got his life . I am not even truly living mine the way I want and feel completely drain at time, heartbroken too that this is what it comes down to.

I hate self pity entries such as these but it raises the mirror to my face . A very painful one in which I do not want to see myself. Last night after the movie I try to watch TV but couldn’t stop crying. I turned it off and stayed in the dark crying my eyes out because of the choices I made and were I could have been if I did not make them. I got up today not wanting to get out of bed and still crying a bit but not ask much as last night. I write this still feeling like shit. As much I can block these emotion , ACTING if you want to call it . It is still there. Me and 9 inches are friends as I begged to have him as a friend and he was cool with it. Still trying to get close to white soul . Friends come and go but none of them I have that connection with or open up with them fully without them saying “what the fuck?” . This whole thing after late 06 has been half assed. I make do with what I can get and what I can get out of it just to see if it can fullfill me in some way . It hasn't. I do not know how to put it but there has been something , not 100% really him , but something is missing it is just gone !

Anyway for those who want too see the movie here are the links

Love Me If You Dare (Jeux D'enfants)

1- http://www.youtube.com/user/LoveMeIfYouDare03#p/c/C3477815005FD209/0/HMJhzRqQ-2k
2- http://www.youtube.com/user/LoveMeIfYouDare03#p/c/C3477815005FD209/1/P6s8somUQnw
3- http://www.youtube.com/user/LoveMeIfYouDare03#p/c/C3477815005FD209/1/P6s8somUQnw
4- http://www.youtube.com/user/LoveMeIfYouDare03#p/c/C3477815005FD209/3/k3daCn2hado
5- http://www.youtube.com/user/LoveMeIfYouDare03#p/c/C3477815005FD209/4/fqHxnIXSrDI
6- http://www.youtube.com/user/LoveMeIfYouDare03#p/c/C3477815005FD209/5/VYIT-FXmUto
7- http://www.youtube.com/user/LoveMeIfYouDare03#p/c/C3477815005FD209/5/VYIT-FXmUto
8- http://www.youtube.com/user/LoveMeIfYouDare03#p/c/C3477815005FD209/7/_CW-4SNhu6Q
9- http://www.youtube.com/user/LoveMeIfYouDare03#p/c/C3477815005FD209/8/astEapXYpyQ
10- http://www.youtube.com/user/LoveMeIfYouDare03#p/c/C3477815005FD209/9/8maZBPq622k

Mr. Apocalypse:
Graduation?! Congratulations, you will be finished with something you don't care much for and have an ace in the hole, what every dreamer needs, a fall back plan. I'm spending more time working on my passion(s)...find time or make time everyday to work on yours, if we don't do it then next thing we know we'll be old and shit talking about what could have happened, what we might have done. I'm not going that route.

You can know people and still be lonely, you';ve done what you can the ball is in his court, if he doesn't respond move on. It may not be easy, but...

Me:
I just went that route for myself. Read above!

Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:	bothered and sad
Time:	9:29 pm.
Mood:	cold.
Music:	nothing watching 4th season of Supernatural best season .

Mr. Apocalypse says:
Its good to relax...buy a PS3 its the shit. Read some books, I just started reading the Percy jackson series a couple weeks ago, its not as good as the harry potter series but its not bad...it'll give you something else to think about.

Me:
I have the last looking glass wars to read and I want to get Alice in wonderland and through the looking glass. I am trying to forget about him but seriously he seem to be the only friend who care to not limit himself to me. I try to get him back as a friend but he hasn’t said a word to me. I don’t know . Like I told white soul he provided communication , friendship , care and attention all of which I need but lies bother me.

Anyways I felt alone and I even cried a bit cause of the loss . I can’t catch a break.

Oh and apocalypse I never heard of those series but they seem interesting as I looked them up. I still want the night watch series but funds are going to have to be limited due to my LAST tuition fee I have to pay 1200 dollar ,(thank god it is my last semester)and buying a new car before my b-day which I come to find out I will be getting help for it so I might still have decent money in my pocket after May 29,2009 which is graduation day!

Ps: God, I miss you.

Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	fed up with the quality of men I get
Time:	2:49 am.
Mood:	sad.
Music:	fou fou - let go, jump in.

Oh 9 inchs…. Your colors are being shown. So I called him tonight cause I am feeling lonely and would like to talk to someone. So I called 9inches and guess who picks up? Yeah his ex wife.

Oh wait but there is more…. A few days ago he told me he has a treatable STD.

Drama around him always…. I care about him but he is just hard to trust . I am not with him in any means but friendship but again TRUST. I lake it for him.

White soul you dick….talk to me. Don’t play hot and cold all though your lack of action is enough proof that you are not even going to consider me like that as much as I would like.

So I move on. I went on BP. Sent out message to guys and now for the wait.

I am just sick of the games really. The possible lying and possible lack of care. I am just feeling shitty at the quality of men I can only muster up and my need for quality. A few days ago I was thinking about my ex and how smooth and easy it was just to go through our early transitions of online to real life friends to lovers. Me and him just fit and now…I am without that now. Looking for it again.

So I am lonely in the world really . I mean I just want trustworthy friend and one potenial boyfriend both drama free with there shit together

The good news is that I am out of school and relaxed. I gained weight and am trying to loose it. I’m just….not feeling good …. Feelings wise.

Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	I am fucking sad : the important part
Time:	1:13 am.
Mood:	sad.
Music:	silent hill.

EnigmaticGoddess (12/1/2009 12:43:44 AM): sorry
EnigmaticGoddess (12/1/2009 12:45:37 AM): question
na na (12/1/2009 12:45:40 AM): yes
EnigmaticGoddess (12/1/2009 12:46:00 AM): what does a guy do if he really wants to know a female?
na na (12/1/2009 12:46:15 AM): depends on the guy
EnigmaticGoddess (12/1/2009 12:46:47 AM): I just got the female view on things and usually I go to juron about this but we do not talk
EnigmaticGoddess (12/1/2009 12:47:10 AM): I mean it was always my assumption if any guy wants something they go after it
na na (12/1/2009 12:47:31 AM): yeah or the fall back n wait
EnigmaticGoddess (12/1/2009 12:48:06 AM): but to wait for what?
EnigmaticGoddess (12/1/2009 12:48:24 AM): what is the difference between the two
na na (12/1/2009 12:49:21 AM): well if u go for what u want u just go for it fall back u take ya time
EnigmaticGoddess (12/1/2009 12:49:47 AM): hmmm ok
EnigmaticGoddess (12/1/2009 12:50:48 AM): case in point . I know this guy mike for about month or two and we became friend. he is saying he wants to meet and even try to make attempts
EnigmaticGoddess (12/1/2009 12:51:11 AM): this guy I met on the street always trying to hit on me and try to ask me out on a date
EnigmaticGoddess (12/1/2009 12:51:43 AM): um
na na (12/1/2009 12:52:42 AM): so why not go
EnigmaticGoddess (12/1/2009 12:53:24 AM): I was suppose to with mike like I said but things feel through
EnigmaticGoddess (12/1/2009 12:53:32 AM): the other guy is not my type
EnigmaticGoddess (12/1/2009 12:54:37 AM): I can put you in the mix to you talk to me for like a month now and you do not really show any interest, so I am not expecting much from you
EnigmaticGoddess (12/1/2009 12:56:40 AM): it is just all of yall men are so confusing
EnigmaticGoddess (12/1/2009 12:58:43 AM): ok well you are not saying anything so forget about it
EnigmaticGoddess (12/1/2009 12:58:52 AM): ill leave you alone
EnigmaticGoddess (12/1/2009 1:03:16 AM): Im going to be up front . I like you and I threw everything I got at you but I am not getting the impression at all that you are feeling me , so I am just going to fall back and not try to get you to feel me out
na na (12/1/2009 1:03:21 AM): bed time for me
EnigmaticGoddess (12/1/2009 1:03:32 AM): night

Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:	what this bitterness is all about
Time:	7:26 pm.
Mood:	gloomy.
Music:	watching stage beauty on IFC.

Mr Apocalypse:
no argument from me. I trust my wife. It took two, it lies as much with me as it did with her. I am not a trusting man, it takes alot to earn it. You are entitled to your opinion and I will not chastise you for it. I speak my mind and it would be hypocritical to chide you for doing the same. Many men do make mistakes with women. And many women do the same with men.

Me:
I know it takes two and whatever you may feel you are entitled to it. In the scope of things this is what happens . If it happen to you or any other male out there then so be it. The babies are born life progress. It’s just for me it pisses me off at that possibility that some women are that way. Is any of the guy I talk to or use to talk to a victim of it? I am a believer that they are . I am also a believer that intentional and un-intentional acts are just that. Acts and are done under the assumption that shit will or will not happen. I personally do or do not do things without knowing the potential problems. When I slept with you I knew the possibilities or everything , so with lance .

The bottom line is you got yours whatever it might be you have it . My other guy friends they got theres/ have the convince of sleeping with the exs/baby mama (9 inches) , sometime pining over there exs/baby mama (white soul to an extent) , or supporting them (un named)

I want one man in the sea of men that I talk to, to do me by concentrate on me with no benefits of “escape” or “desire” or “knowledge”….

The best way I can describe it

White soul: I want to be desired for a potential. Like to get to know me outside of the net and not use life as an excuse to know me.

9 inches: I want him to think of what he is doing and see how it affects me as a friend so he doesn’t turn to his ex as a cum slut , so we can be proper friends with potential benefits

Juron: I want to be friends with him outside of the net . I want him to want that and not allow one night of tearful plea for help when I was 22 be the bases of what I am in his eyes.

You: I would like for us to not be limited all the fucking time and not to feel put aside

(for all of yall: I want the present and or past not to be a factor)
I do know that this is hard to do. I know in some cases it can not be done but one can dream right?

Update November 30th 2009, 11:47am mood: disappointed , annoyed with the luck I have

So last night I got two news. From nine inches he is still womanizing and the women are still playing with him. he is concern about my feeling and even suggesting that maybe we should hook up relationship wise. Oh and he said his ex wife was at his place last night and probably got in through his window since she does not have a key BULLSHIT.

From white soul he admitted told me yesterday that he may be having another child . I say maybe because he said he wore a condom but is not sure if it broke. He also has stated that it was a one time thing so he does not know if it is his. This chick is asking for info from him but he is not giving it cause he does not know. He told me that he did not want my feelings to change about him which it hasn’t but for me it is just more problems. To add to the fact that he probably lied about not being with anyone for two months before this incident occur. He probably has been bullshiting me at times

I did not expect all this. I did not wish for it but I am not going to lie I am not surprised. These men are by no mean alike in anyway but one I like as a friend and the other a little more and ….it is just disappointing to me and I am depressed cause I can’t find one drama free man.

Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:	potenially arguement coming.
Time:	4:01 pm.
Mood:	curious.
Music:	nothing but the movie Proof.

Apocalypse says:
you may have been one of them Soapie...we didn't use the raincoats after a couple of months either...and the only thing 100% safe is not banging. My wife was taking bc pills when she got pregnant...the same could have happened with us but didn"t. It may have if I wasn't as paranoid back then about having kids...

Thats the hard part it will be hard to put a mental blocks to protect yourself, but still be open and free with your feelings. Holding shit back causes problems, but sometimes so does being straightforward. Love, what dangerous waters...

Me:
I am going to be very blunt with you at the risk of friendship and being practical to give you something to think about. Me and my cousin had this very conversation about you and men with children (such as her boyfriend) in general and me and her who are put into situations in which we have the poteinal to get pregnant but choose not to for ourselves and what ever guy we are with

Birth control pills has a 92% rate of effectiveness when not taken properly leaving 8% percent chance of getting pregnant and a 99.7% effective if it is taken properly leaving a .3% chance of getting pregnant .

Even you knew that taking multiple birth control pill within a 3 day period could give you a high chance of not getting pregnant

You are a man with his shit together

You are willing to take care/ support another woman’s child and herself if need be

You are very lenient when it comes to women’s bullshit

There are other factors

Not knowing anything about your wife except the facts that I know and my experience and knowledge of women in situations in which they can become single parent you honest think that was an accident? You knew your risk and more so did she adding to the fact she knew what she had every woman does

The only reason we never got pregnant was because it was what you wanted. I was confident in my relationship with you to have a kid (s) and even take care of my own in case of shit happening with you. The simple fact that it never happen is my personal testament to you that I did what I can for YOU not for the possibility of what could have happened and what benefits I can gain.

I know you will be upset and if not it will give you and who ever reads my journal something to think about .

I got a man who I talk to who wants to have unprotected sex with me. He likes me a lot and I only see him as a nice friend to have. He has a shit load of money. He is responsible when it comes to his kids. He said if he ever got me pregnant that I and baby would be well taken care of .I can almost get whatever I want from him but what… by no means would I want to have his kids and the future long term benefits I could have , when I can do myself and my own and be happy that way.

Some women are shady characters and men are stupid as sin to not wise up . Not to say that this was your situation cause I know very little but only that this could be a possibility of you and yours but at the end of it all that what you have created makes you content with your life and so I guess that is good for you.

As for me you guys from Jron to you , to white soul to 9 inches (man who wants to cum in me) to any male with a babies mama it makes it hard for me to get close to any of yall because a decent concern female as myself can get in the way and can give potential problems cause I speak my mind and people listen and I call shit out as I see it and females are very territorial when it comes to there men (ex or not) . Jron was right to say we probably should never see each other again cause you will see how different she changes given our connection.

As for white soul and his situation…I do not know his situations but he was in a 7 year relationship after 3 or 4 years she the ex has his baby . Was it planned , was it an accident ? I do not know but she still has an affect on him , even I notice that so yet again a babies mama (unknowingly) got in my way of having anything with him except for a website conversation and some cute pics on his cellphone.

Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	why I feel so sad now.... maybe the loneliness...maybe the incomplete-ness
Time:	3:42 am.
Mood:	tired.
Music:	amy winehouse : in my bed.

Apocalypse says:
write for you not an audience. Art is made for the artist not for those who see it later. Unless its commissioned but thats a different thing. When you write something you're satisfied with, if it needs changes you will make them at the time and not a moment sooner. twilight probably went through many changes...ad hell the lady had a different actor in mind for edward even though pattinson did satisfy her after a second look...get the work done, deal with the other stuff later.

Me:
Oh I know I write for me and not the audience. No when I meant formatting I mean like graphic novel form or book form in which case I might do both and leave the graphic novel for the more complicated aka too much for the book audience …stuff for that. Even thought there is much I have not written it is still in my head word for word , idea to idea but my problem is finding the time to really concentrate on it without it feeling like a job. I still also have a show to do . Maybe after school is finish I can make a script and try and find people who I can trust to work on it with me . Trust I want to get my writing career off the ground ASAP.

I mean … I don’t know. I feel empty because I can’t be who I want to be at this point of my life. I can’t make thing happen . Nothing falls on my lap as it use to. I get tired at times trying to find out what was the appeal when I was 20 and 25 what is so different. Everyone wants a piece of me to some extent (as I feel at times) and it is like ok what are you going to give me that will prove useful to me long term. You got yours and so what about mine.

I mean I can actually sit here and think to myself . I got some of my tools. I make use of them… but I am still lacking in me and that what is around me. You understand my want to run away now and just build a new persona that people will see as like 20 year old Sophia and not 25 year old Sophia . If this all sounds werid I know it does cause I need to go to bed. But yeah…. I am sad right now and lonely.

Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	Apocalypse and male - centric topics
Time:	11:01 am.
Mood:	calm.
Music:	watching trading places.

Mr. Apocalypse says:
I don't believe in soul mates and shit...but it has to be more than coincidence that whenever I think about you even briefly I hear from you and vice versa...I can't explain it, and I am not in the field to research, not to mention there are too many skeptics to even get funding if I was in that field...on that God awful twilight stuff, yes we're both in the wrong fields...

Me:
Well you might have sense me thinking about you yesterday or every clear night with a lot of stars out, which reminds me the time you pointed out the constellations to me, near that mall. I was planning to text you yesterday but I didn’t know how to say hey I was thinking about you without feeling a bit awkward .

Well I feel a bit used for a sexual object.

This married man is trying to hit me up for it by sweet talking me. I thought maybe I could deal with his supposed separation but he just confirm some things that make me know that he is very well with his wife. I am cutting him off without his knowledge tonight.

White Soul in my opinion doesn’t want me much….I don’t know. There isn’t much pursuit on his part. I made suggestions going and becoming more aquatint with each other in person and it is like …well he says that he wouldn’t feel right if I spent money on hanging out. So I call and he doesn’t pick up, I text and half of the time he doesn’t text back, I open up suggestions of hanging out and I get “one day”. I see It as excuses as we have been talking for the past couple of weeks. The one thing I can confirm is that he stays with me online if I am online and he could have shut me out any time. I just don’t know about him anymore.

9inches is coming to Baltimore and ask to stop by . I am not sure if that is likely since I have to work . Hmm I would like to go out but I feel as if he might want something in exchange so I feel I should up hold the working excuse to protect myself cause I don’t 50% want to BE with him. Eww he is not appealing at all with all the shit going on with him.

I just want guy one guy wants all of me and not pussy, or has bad shit going on with his history or curret situation, or can't move on. That is handsome and not boring, and lives close to me. YES I AM PUTTING THAT OUT TO THE WORLD .

ps: Stephanie Meyers came up with her ideas through a dreams and she wrote them down . there after she found and agent got several rejections but then finally got here work out there. I really need to get my shit out there but it is barely finished and I still do not know what format to write it in and to which audiance.

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Subject:	KEEP IN TOUCH ALWAYS. NO DISTRACTIONS!
Time:	6:45 pm.
Mood:	calm.
Music:	Tv ....nothing on..

Apocalypse says:

I haven't been saying much so that I may not distract you from your other pursuits...my influence or presence might be a disruption to your endeavors, but then it may not be. I just do not want to be the cause of something to fail that may be good for you. I'm still around though if I am needed. You'd probably know if i was gone for good with that unexplained connection thingwe seem to have. Its still a curious thing.

Me:

How can you be the cause of my failure or disruption? Look currently I am without a friend in my life and I would like it if you were it. Anything that may be done will be my own fault . I put no blame on others for my own misfortune. I will take responsibility for what I do and say .

Basically what I am trying to say is that the more you know and maybe the closer you are the less alone I would feel. I mean you are smart and we respect each other so why not. If by any chance shit got to complicated we or one of us can always step back and be like “Stop” or share what may be going on.

Anyways you are always needed. I try to text a lot but sometimes you do not answer at times. I don’t post everything in my journal . I would call but never know when you are busy so that is why I ask you to call when you are free.

Anyways ALWAYS stay in touch. I am never too busy to answer back. School will end soon (3 WEEKS) so … ill be in contact with you. Ill text you ….

PS:

You really acknowledge that connection ? I thought you didn’t believe in it! HA!

11/21/09 4:16AM mood: kinda sad that I miss white soul among other things

white soul was not online tonight. usually if I am on early with him we stay talking all night or until around 3am but since I came late like around 2am he was not online. is that suppose to mean something . he stays up for me?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0460681/board/flat/151880273?d=151880273&p=1#151880273
(hit the link)
I wrote the first statement and one of the readers thought I was the creater of supernatural another thought it was a great concept. OH MY GOD I AM SOOO IN THE WRONG CAREER doing surgical tech. I need to go the route of Stephanie Meyers and write books and movies. I am literally wasting a talent based on what an unsure future?

God there is so much I want to do. and I feel so alone at times....

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Subject:	it is a paranormal thing. happy halloween yall
Time:	4:38 am.
Mood:	awake.
Music:	nothing but the TV .

You know what I realize but not sure if it would stick. I do not need anyone’s emotional approval, opinion or anything that could have a substantial affect on any decision I make. I realize that some of advice I took in the past has put me in positions I do not want to be in. so many things would have been different if I stuck to what I felt. Eh…

I am increasingly not liking my friend mike. It is one thing to be care free but it is a whole other thing to be stupid. His reasoning of right and wrong and rules are so misguided it nearly caused us to fight. I see that Juron feeling or intuition , suggestion was wrong and I should just slowly cut myself off.

As for white soul we haven’t been talking much. We are all talked out really. Does he have a genuine interest in me I do not know. Time will tell and yes I showed interest in him but if he knows it I do not know either but it did cross my mind that someone , somewhere is not feeling this potential union. Like my single-hood means so much cause of what ever. Is that paranoia? I just want someone to be in love with me and actually show it .

Apocalypse real name has popped up everywhere among other things. I try to ignore the signs but I haven’t had a word from him so I don’t know if he is ok or just thinking about me a lot .I know it all sounds dumb but I am a believer of signs around me , for example I saw an interracial (black female white male) with a kid. Is that a sign of thing to come ? I do not know but it is a semi-rare sight for me. Out of the usual things just catch me all the time.

That is all for my rant. I will have more later on today but these past few weeks I haven’t felt like writing. I haven’t even been able to read my new looking glass wars book because of school work.

See yall later today. comment on my pics
Sophie temporary out.
and going to sleep with sex on my mind

Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:	it's the good bad news
Time:	2:41 am.
Mood:	content.
Music:	Mika-- Love today.

J.ron
says:
He seems a bit normal to me. Well on the surface looks normal and appears to be diligent to his studies and the pursuit of the ladies then again he could just be a stalker ass stalker. This is the internet. Maybe on the opposite end of your spectrum. Prolly too clean cut and strays away from things he isn't unsure of, again he came out again to contact you after no response and even after you told him no he wanted to get an understanding of why. It's like he didnt want to make that same mistake again but he's also a liar about his height cuz that kid isn't 6'1, more like 5'9 wit shoes on.

If he's not your type then he's not your type. But it could be time for you to switch it up a bit seeing as how whomever you'd pursued thus far didn't come after you with the same effort you put out.

Later on:

And did u disclose that you were going to put this info on your blurty or did u just leave him ha and dry for us to laugh at?

I say:

I do not feel like writing. I am just so lazy these days. There has been a steady stream of ass holes coming my way. Right now I got one decedent one I am talking to that I met on black plant. As always this one seems perfect so far minus baby mama troubles . I really like him.

This guy I chat I posted creep me out.

You remember 9 inches the one you suggested I should talk to months ago. Well thank god I never slept with him because he said he had an STD ,Chlamydia 7 years ago. To add to it he had problems with the law and he has something against gay marriage. Along with a child he does not care to want to know. He seems selfish to me but not so much for you to notice. Just enough to manipulates you into getting what he wants. I sorta believe he wants to be a friend cause of his honest but his ass is shady.

So the new guy will be call white soul cause he is a white guy with alot of soul. if we hook up his name will be reveal but I am in like of him.

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