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Wednesday, June 4th, 2003
2:58 pm - Bored & Gorgeous & Nervous.
First Entry Here-

I'm on the phone with my boyfriend's (possibly soon to be ex) best friend, Ryan. We're searching for him and can't find him.. this worries me. He's probably off seeing another girl- or throwing a tantrum or something. Ryan's someone I'm starting to consider a friend, which scares me. Collin's so fucking verbally abusive, he makes me feel small sometimes. I don't even know why I love him, or think I love him. I've been with him for maybe two weeks... I'm so fucking dumb. I forget to do small things, and he flips. It's like I'm never good enough. Fuck Him. We're Done as of... Right Now.

In other news- band practice on thursday. I've also got an audition next Monday. I'm going back to school tomorrow... I'm trying to keep myself busy. I'm afraid that if I don't, I'll fuck up again.

I don't wanna think about any of this bullshit right now, so I'm singing at the top of my lungs. I'm gonna go see best bud Monika tonight- Havn't seen her alot since she moved- for her birthday present, even though I got dis-invited to her party. Blech. Whatever. Today's been... odd. Not Fun, but I've had worse days, you know?

kisses & hugs,
-Nats

current mood: worried
current music: Barely Breathing- Duncan Shiek (Grrrr8 90's Song)

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