.:. I'm a douchebag .:.   
06:03am 25/07/2003
mood: gloomy
music: Misfits -- She
That whole Secret Service business really freaked me out. So much so,that I stayed awake for two days expecting a knock on the door at any minute to be hauled off to the Gulag. Now my sleeping schedule is all fucked up and my wife is pissed at me. She works nights and I have been asleep when she gets home and wake up about the time she has been in bed for 3 or 4 hours. Not too mention the job loss thing...that pissed her off as well and rightly so.

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Uneventful day   
03:09am 24/07/2003
  Uh-,got yelled at by the ball and chain.
Argued with phone company over still not having any service.
Did 14 Photoshop Tutorials.
Got my daughters Rx filled.
Made some sausage.
Watched "Making the Band II"... that show is the shit!
Yep... that was my day.
Fucking sad!
U.S. Secret Service   
04:56pm 21/07/2003
mood: Very C-O-N-F-U-S-E-D!!!
Today was just too fucking BIZARRE! I came home to grab something to eat,before I was going to go out again and put in some job applications. I nuked a hot dog and was checking my email. I kept seeing two people walking slowly up my street. At first I thought,their just college kids from the Sierra Club or something seeking donations and was confident that they werent going to come knock on my door. The reason being,someone recently stole our lawnmower and our place doesnt look like the house you'd stop at to get a donation of any kind,actually it looks quite "ghetto" at the moment...theres fucking weeds grown up past my ankles and our yard is the shittiest looking within six blocks.
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Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time.   
07:15pm 20/07/2003
mood: contemplative
music: Nashville Pussy -- Blowjob from a rattlesnake

Nigger, you just fucked with the wrong bull. You should've learned your lesson on the fuckin' basketball court. But you fuckin' monkey's never get the message. My father gave me that truck motherfucker! You ever shoot at fireman? You come here and shoot at my family? I'm gonna teach you a real lesson now motherfucker. Put your fuckin' mouth on the curb.

Put it on the curb right now!

Now say good night.
[Derek stomps Lawrence's head into the curb.]


I wound up watching American History X again this weekend. Its amazing how accurate the writer and director of that movie captured the whole "Neo-Nazi" cluture here in America.

I had a friend in Highschool who got sucked into that whole Nazi mindset bull shit. His name is John K. We met freshman year and became friends pretty quickly. We liked all the same shit,drinking,vandalizing stuff,drinking,punk rock and just being fucking obnoxious. Our "behavior" got us into trouble quite a bit and after one episode of destroying the "Food Court" in our local mall,John took some pretty bad heat from his parents and decided to run away from home. We lived in your typical "medium-sized" city in Indiana and he wound op running to Louisville,KY. At some point he goes to a local Punk Show and hooks up with some of the "Skin heads" there and not having a place to stay,they take hime in. A few months pass by and he's back home and now a NAZI!

Most rational people just avoided him when he came back talking all that nonsense,but I was convinced I could change his mind...bring him back to normalcy. Over the next few years he became a recuiter of sorts for the "Hammer Skins",luring young confused kids into his world of hate and violence.

I used to get drunk and go over to "Skin Head Central" and sit with all the new boots and their Guru and pick apart all their claims and ideaologies...make fun of them etc etc. And the odd thing was,that all shacked up in this hovel within the inner city,surrounded by black folks... the ENEMY or one of their enemies... right in the heart of the inner city.

Over time,John came to his senses somewhat and wasnt so vocal and public with his views,which I am not saying is acceptable...a Racist is a Racist no matter how you look at it and I despised his views,yet I wanted to save him for some reason. He had his problems,but he was also my friend. I grew up with the guy.

At one point he seemed to be getting his shit together. He is an excellent artist and really talented and began working at a Tattoo Shop and doing artwork for businesses etc.

Then 9/11 came... he got plastered and repeatedly rammed his hoopty Lincoln Continental into the local mosque,at speeds of 80 plus miles per hour. The dumbass is in Prison now for hate crimes.

I dont know if theres a moral to that story. All I know is,hate is baggage that no one,white black,red,brown or purple needs to be carrying around with them. There isnt always a happy ending like in the movies...where people see the error of their ways.
Still, having a friend get sucked into all of this and seeing the hatred and disgusting acts he brought to other people,convinced me to always stand up and challenge these views wherever and whenever I encounter them.

In the timeless words of Jello Biafra -- "NAZI PUNKS FUCK OFF!"
.:. Latest Musings and Dilemas .:.   
11:13pm 14/07/2003
mood: blah
music: The Pixies - Doolittle CD
I cant decide if having an online journal is worth all the hassle. Fuck typing! Well,it beats a written one for no other reason than it is hard to misplace.
I have no idea how many fucking paper journals I have lost. This has to be better.

|.:. Bi-Polar .:.|

I think having this fucking diasese is both a blessing and a curse. Sometimes, the way I experience life is so intense and deep I marvel at it.
Streams of creativity just gush from me randomly... in the forms of storys,poetry,screenplays... Visions::: I have them all time:::: some are coherent others
arent so coherent. Business idea's etc etc etc!

Not to mention the B-U-R-S-T-S of energy that can happen.

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12:02pm 11/07/2003
  Well in one sense, I am relieved and in another I'm not... regarding a few situations.

I currently dont have one! I guess my lack of enthuesiasm came shining through the facade I was putting up.
Its for the the best... The only shitty part is NO PAYCHECK! Well, something will come through....I hope.

The Santeria Front
I found out that I was not the only person feeling neglected of sorts by my Godfather. But being so far removed geography wise from everyone, I didnt know how bad and wide spread everything the situation had become.

Health problems have taken their toll on my Padrino. He is a bit too dependent on prescription drugs and that is the major cause of disruption for the religious family. I am not quite sure of exactly what took place. A Godbrother of mine said that he received an email from Padrino saying he was retiring from the religion as a Babalorisha and couldnt be our Godfather anylonger.... to look elsewhere! I never got any communication...NONE!

Luckily, my Ojubona got back in touch with me and agreed to adopt me....so just when I thought a door had been slammed on me,another opened wide!

Life in general
My kids are still at their Grandparents visiting for the summer. God, I miss them so much! The house just isnt the same without all of their buzzing about! I even miss them crawling in bed with me at two in the morning only to awake with sever back pain...hahaha!

My wife wants to move back up North. I guess I'll have to set aside my bias with that place and do something for her and my children. They sacrificed a lot to come here... and things havent worked out as I had planned.

I am not looking forward to the snow again! FUCK I HATE SNOW AND ICE!

But,I do have family there as well... and it has expanded with both my sisters having children. Not to mention my wifes brother is expecting a child with his fiance any day now. Yeah... its best we go back.... although begrudgingly on my part.

The only thing I have reservations about is my In-Laws... we have major tension between us.
Soundtracks to your life   
11:23pm 05/07/2003
mood: horny
music: Sublime,Pawn Shop
I am sitting here listening to a wild mix of music and deeply noticing how music from certain times in your life can bring a flood of memories.

Elvis,Viva Las Vegas :::Snap Shot:::
Elvis Rocks... I have Idolized him since I could walk. Whenever anyone asked me what I was going to be when I grew up, I proclaimed E-L-V-I-S! I even got the chance to see him when I was like,four years old. I can remember bits of the experience. I remember vividly,how pissed I was for having to sit in the fucking bleechers... I was expecting to be close enough to see and or touch him. Anyhow, the song Viva Las Vegas rocks... but, depending on my mental state at the time that I hear it, I either just groove to it or reflect back to the time I was listening to my stack of Elvis LP's in my room,I was no more than six years old,when my mom had told me to clean and not be fucking around. Well, I was just fucking around,jamming to Elvis. This pissed her off,so she gathered up every Elvis LP and stacked them on top of each other and proceeded to smash them over my head. What a BITCH! I was devastated by that ... I still am for the most part.

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Racists,The Bible Belt and the failings of M-Y B-I-G M-O-U-T-H   
11:07pm 03/07/2003
  So Ive been working for this small Commercial Collection Agency... for all of two weeks. Theres six other employees plus myself and the owner. All ready the place is driving me nuts.

Theres John... the guy with "seniority". He sucks MAJOR ASS as a salesman. He's the guy assinged to "Customer Focus". Basically,he calls all the companies that,in the past have sent their dead beats to be harrassed by our collectors ( All *2* of them,BTW!) and badgers them to place more business. What a weak dick! Every call he makes goes the same way: Hey,this is John [_____] with [_____] and Associates,I was calling to see if you had anything "out there"? NO? Well, knock on wood huh? So,whens a good time to maybe,call back and check up with you? Okie Dokie. Talk to you then.

OKIE DOKIE! What the fuck is that? And hearing him 8 hours straight... SUXX ASS!

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T.S. Bill and other assorted musings...   
06:26pm 01/07/2003
mood: contemplative
So I sign up for this "Live Journal" knock off site... or are they some how related?...on Saturday and spend like,4 hours typing madly about all kinds of shit. My past and present mostly. Things that are currently haunting my mind and things I consider to be issue's worth reflecting on. Wouldn't you know it, the first layers of Tropical Storm Bill invade my area and the power gets knocked out,loosing everything I had just written.

So I get up Sunday and do it all over agian... The T.S approaches,the power goes...this time T.S. Bill was here to stay for a while. Two days without power SUCKS!!!

Sitting in the dark with no creature comforts,will really let you know how much of a fucking geek you are. I was jonesing to get on the net and do all the oh so "UN-Important" crap that I do everyday!

Well,now that the power is on and I have put myself into media overload with the boob tube and the "puter",trying to get my pop culture/news fix,here's the top stuff on my mind;

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