† HELLCAT †'s Blurty
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in † HELLCAT †'s Blurty:

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    Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
    6:11 pm
    It feels like forever since I've touched this damn journal. Nothing has been happening that is deadly interesting. There hasn't been any real reasons for updating. (I think I'm changing again...). The band has been going through a long recording process. The guys don't want me to play bass anymore, well, Araon doesn't want me to play bass anymore. Tim has been an idea for a new bassist for us. Yes, Tim, Trish's little brother. I really wouldn't mind. It would be nice to just be a singer so I can go insane on stage. You know, licking people and shit like that.

    That's that, this is this.

    To be quite honest, I think I'm changing a lot. I haven't been as depressed as I usually am. I think things inside of me are fading. It's hard to explain. I just don't feel like myself anymore. I haven't been able to write anything lately, which is about 2 months. I worried I won't be able to write anything ever again. I guess I kind of miss the old days. The tragedy was something great to write about. But now there's no more tragedy, so I'm happy and all. I just feel like something's missing. I figured music was a great place to set the old flames ablaze, so I've been listening to a lot of my old music. The memories feel good, but that's all they are, memories. That's what gets to me the most.

    Trying to find my way,
    † Hellcat †

    Current Mood: blank
    Current Music: Vampires Will Never Hurt You, My Chemical Romance
    Saturday, January 24th, 2004
    11:07 pm
    Hey! I figured I should update tonight. Me and Kristen did the long process of bleaching and then dying my hair. It's a purple pink color that is very bright, Fuschia Shock. I think it looks really really cool, but my parents disagree. Oh well, who the fuck cares. I finally look like the screaming devil I am. I just hope it stays in for awhile.

    In other news, the recording is going really well with the band. Except for Araon's continuous OCD symptoms that seem to always slow down the recording process. So far we have about 2 or 3 songs recorded. We're aiming for about 5 or 6 and then we'll start making demos and handing them out. I think they'll be free just to get people to hear us, but I'm not sure if the other guys want to put a price tag on it. I really don't care. Anyway, when we have them I'll let you know and then you can contact me if you want one.

    Yours Deadly,
    † Hellcat †

    Current Mood: accomplished
    Current Music: Placebo, Sleeping With Ghosts
    Friday, January 16th, 2004
    5:49 pm
    When It Rains, It Pours

    Nothing really to talk about. Kristen is sick so there's not much to do all alone. So, I wrote a song. And since I haven't updated for awile, I'll put the song in.

    When It Rains, It Pours by Hellcat

    When the day is done
    And the music's gone
    Your still there in my mind

    It was only yesterday
    That you went away
    It seems so long ago to me

    Now everyday
    Is the same old way
    I just keep thinking about you

    Sometimes when I'm feeling calm
    And the night has come
    I just sit around and think of what to do

    You said you couldn't stay long
    But I just kept singing my song
    Hoping you'd come back someday

    And when I'm real down
    And I can't hear a sound
    A thought of you pops into my head

    These rainy days seem to never end
    I keep looking for sunlight
    But I just end up getting all wet
    Because around here it just doesn't rain
    It pours

    All these thoughts running through my head
    One of these days I’ll be dead
    And just makes me want to be closer to you

    There isn’t a single idea
    In my head that’s clear
    I just keep wanting something new

    There’s gonna come a time
    When I’ll feel fine
    And it starts with finding you

    I want to get out these doors
    But the rain still pores
    I don’t quite know what to do

    I'm looking for an umbrella to use
    But all I can find is the same old blues
    Nothing quite fits the frame I’m looking through

    I hope there’s a day
    That I won’t feel this way
    A day I’ll have returned to you

    These rainy days seem to never end
    I keep looking for sunlight
    But I just end up getting all wet
    Because around here it just doesn't rain
    It pours

    That's it for tonight. Sorry it ins't much. OH, the band will be recording sometime next week. And we're making T-shirts and stuff. And hopefully if the recording goes well, we'll have a CD or a demo.

    Your's Truly,
    † Hellcat †

    Current Mood: giddy
    Current Music: Led Zeppelin, All Of My Love
    Thursday, January 8th, 2004
    7:26 pm
    The Truth, The Story, The End of It All
    Alright, I've finally conjured up the balls to talk about this. And hopefully I'll feel better. This, my friends, is a long and very meaingful story. Shit, this is gonna take for every for me to write. Oh well, the tunes are cranked and I'm ready to spill my guts out for you people. And for all the people I couldn't tell this story to, you know who you are, don't feel bad. This is hard for me and I think just putting it in my journal for people to read is a lot easier than me telling it. Ok, here goes.

    The date was September 20, 2003. It seems so long ago now that I think about it. I was getting ready to go to Philly for a concert, The Distillers. My friend Ammon was going to come along. So I'll skip all the shit about the drive to Philly and the funny shit Ammon does....yea. I'm just gonna get to the story. We spent the afternoon at the Zoo and looked at all the animals having sex. Kind of disturbing..yet funny. Ammon had some very interesting comments. After that we ate somewhere, not really important. The show was at around 7 and it was on South Street at T.L.A. Before the store we went shopping on South Street in all the great stores that beautiful place has. (Someone once said ''If I could have sex with South Street, I would.'', well, not just someone said that) Anyway, I got some stuff and some CDs. One of those CDs was Fevers & Mirrors by Bright Eyes, which I bought because someone, I mean, she, told me to buy. I had never before heard this CD or the band. But I'll get to that later. The CD is very important and means a lot to me. You'll understand later. After I got the the stuff I bought me and Ammon went to stand in line for the show. We met some very cool people in that line. In fact, I met a cool chick that like MSI. I haven't talk to her since that show. But the story's not about her, it's about someone else. I had been seeing someone for quite sometime during all this. I really really liked her, well, let's just go ahead and say it, I loved her. With all the deepest reaches of my heart. She lived quite far away from me and as a result we really never got to see each other, but we stayed together through the internet and the phone and stuff like that. I always tried to my best to arrange something to see her, but nothing ever really worked out. I ended up going about 2 or 3 months without seeing her once. Which was rather hard for me. I managed to get her to go to this Distillers show. And it would have been the first time in long time that we would really hang out together. I spent weeks looking forward to this. It was all I thought about, besides her in general and music. You can tell this night meant a lot to me. So, I was waiting in this line, and besides the pleasent conversations with the strangers I met there and Ammon's many facial expresstions, I was thinking about nothing but finding her. Yet she wasn't in that line. I kept my hopes up with the idea that she would show up late. But as the show went on I continued to look and did not find her. The show was that greatly enjoyable after knowing she wasn't there. It was a good show though. After the show we took a cab back to my sister's apartment. I wasn't talking because I was out of breath, and some other stuff. When we got back to the apartment I talked to her and asked her why she wasn't there that night. She responed in a way that disgusted me so much and at the same time hurt me as well. She said she didn't like the band anymore. She didn't go becasue she didn't like the Distillers! Can you believe that. It was then I relised it. She didn't love me, she probably didn't even like me. I never again saw her after that night. I couldn't get any sleep of course so me, Ammon, and Colin Powers and some of his friends went walking around campus looking for food. We got back aroudn 3 in the morning. I was still very upset and wasn't really into talking. Me and Ammon listened a bit to our new CDs and then went to bed. Ammon was fast asleep next to me when I popped in the Bright Eyes CD into the walkman. It was absolutely shocking to my ears when I first listened to it and it still is. And I must admit, I cried many times that night listening to those songs. And when I heard that song (Sunrise, Sunset) it changed me. I heard that line song, that line that moved me in so many ways. ''She was an actress, did you really think she'd stay?'' That's the line. I still get shivers when I hear it. You see, she was an actress, and I had met her at an acting class I took. I still remember those days. The best days of my life. So, it's very ironic, that I should buy the CD that would open everything up inside of me on the night I would forever lose the me. Today I still think of her, and I don't think I'll ever forget her or how she made me feel, but I have to move on because everything has an ending. And this is mine.

    WOW...that took me about 3 days to write. That's on and off of course. That's my story, I don't think I left anything else. So, if your not asleep by now I thank you from the deep regions of my heart that you have read this. You don't know how much it means to me to know that someone out there is listening.

    I think I feel better.

    Yours Truly,

    † HELLCAT †

    Current Mood: gloomy
    Current Music: Bright Eyes, You Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will.
    Tuesday, January 6th, 2004
    5:21 pm
    There Are Reasons, But They're All Buried Under Misunderstandings
    I haven't gottin' much sleep lately. Maybe it's the fact that school has started again, or maybe it's something else. I don't know. Something's bothering me that I haven't ever really talked about. Maybe one day I'll write something about it in my journal. I don't think I ever did. Maybe I just want people to feel sorry for me.....maybe

    Confused and Misunderstood,

    Current Mood: sad
    Current Music: Bright Eyes, False Advertising
    Thursday, December 25th, 2003
    6:39 pm
    Every Christmas There's Something Missing, Someone Missing
    Well, it would just be wrong for me not to update on Christmas. But it's not like I'm in a good mood today or anything. For some reason I'm always depressed on Christmas. It's not that I don't get what I want. It's just that gifts don't make me happy. I guess that's why I never give any. But I've always wondered what that feeling is. I'm not gonna to get all emotion now or anything.

    The best present I got was the Bright Eyes vinly box set. It's so good. I've been listening to it all day. I bet my record player is getting a lot of work.

    That's all I guess, have a nice christmas, I will try to have one too.

    (Only certain people were born to smile, everyone else is faking or forcing it)

    Yours Obtrusively,

    Current Mood: lonely
    Current Music: Bright Eyes, A Few Minutes On Friday
    Tuesday, December 23rd, 2003
    7:13 pm
    I Don't Fucking Care Anymore
    I got to get out of the last day of school before vacation today. I was really sick last night and I still am. But I'm sure I'll be fine. Some ska a day will keep the doctor away. The doc couldn't perscribe me anything so I going with my own method, chicken noodle soup and ska. If anything good has come out of all this it's that I wrote a song last night. I was up all night hurting and then this song just came to me. Enjoy!

    This Is Our Death Bed by Hellcat

    I lie awake at night trying to get some sleep
    But the darkness crowds around me that I can barely speak
    So I try to look for the light in the other room
    To find that it’s only the glow of the full moon

    As I lie there, crying on the floor
    The moonlight pours down on me like a nasty storm
    And as I look to the corner of this gloomy room
    I see you lying there, awaiting most certain doom

    This is your deathbed
    I just want to sit next to you for eternity
    This is your deathbed
    I don’t want you leaving my perfect harmony
    This is your deathbed
    I just want you to stay here forever
    This is your deathbed
    But I’ll make sure that we die together

    I know that you have been asleep for several months
    And I can’t wait until you come back to us
    But I’ve noticed that you haven’t woken up
    So sometimes I think you’ve finally run out of luck

    But I wont leave you alone in the afterlife
    If I have to I’ll take my own with the kitchen knife
    That way I can’t leave you no matter where you go
    I’ll be with you until time has finally come to a slow

    This is our deathbed
    I just want to lie with you for eternity
    This is our deathbed
    I don’t want to leave this perfect harmony
    This is our deathbed
    I just want to be with you forever
    This is our deathbed
    But I know we can’t be together…anymore

    In the end, I know you won’t be there
    In the end, I know you won’t be anywhere
    In the end, I know your going to leave me here alone
    In the end, I know that I will die alone

    I hope I feel better,

    Current Mood: sick
    Current Music: Reel Big Fish, Nothin'
    Thursday, December 18th, 2003
    8:19 pm
    A Tiger Of The Night, Prowls The Streets For The Light
    I've noticed that I have scarcely updated my journal. So I will do so now.

    I do have something to talk about though. I had the strangest dream last night. It was surprising enough because of the fact that I pratically never dream. It's weird. It's like I close my eyes and I see nothing but darkness. Then I wake up. CREEPY.....

    But anyway. I got home late last night because of the hockey game we had. We won 6 to 0 (they really really sucked). So I went to bed at around 11:30. And I didn't get enough sleep, so I slept mostly in school, no problem with that! Now, back to the dream. It was so weird. I don't think I can explain, at least not here. The most I can say is, it was a nightmare. But a different kind of nightmare. It made me happy, and I know what your thinking. Why the hell would a nightmare make you happy? Well, it's true. I woke up this morning with a big smile on my face. That's right, a smile on my face! Creepy......

    So, I think it's safe to assume that I'm crazy. Nothing else is new. I haven't been writing lately. I don't have any more inspration. Hmmm...maybe that has something to do with my dream. I'm really confused. This dream has to mean something. It is my first dream for about a month or so.

    Does anyone know a good psychologist?,
    The Hellcat

    Current Mood: disappointed
    Current Music: My Chemical Romance, Vampires Will Never Hurt You
    Saturday, December 6th, 2003
    10:08 pm
    Your Heart Is Like The Ocean
    Hello, how are you?

    I'm ok, thank you.

    What did I do today? I shoveled. Yeaaaa....lots of fun. But then Kristen came over after that. She took awhile getting here. I started to get worried, seeing as she isn't that skilled at driving in snow. We hung out and stuff like that, HE HE. My dad yelled at me after she left. It's always tons of fun getting yelled at. I also got Kristen's present tonight. I wish I had one of them too.

    Anyway, I wrote a song tonight. It's not my best stuff, but it's ok.

    From Dusk Till Dawn

    You weren't there when I needed you
    You weren't there when I cried on the floor
    You weren't there when I thought of you
    You weren't there when I couldn't stand life anymore

    You were always somewhere else
    Somewhere I never knew
    I bet you never thought about
    The pain of a closing door
    But that's all I ever thought about
    When the sun would shine no more

    You weren't there when I needed you
    You weren't there when I cried on the floor
    You weren't there when I thought of you
    You weren't there when I couldn't stand life anymore

    Every night was the same old thing
    I'd sit there and I’d wait
    But that phone never rang
    And I wondered if you cared
    Or is the phone line simply torn
    In the end it was always off the hook

    You weren't there when I needed you
    You weren't there when the sun finally fell
    You weren't there when I thought of you
    You weren't there when the sun rose from the hill

    You weren't there, from dusk until.................dawn

    Like I said, it's not great. It has a cool theme I think.

    See you soon,
    THe GHost TIger

    Current Mood: anxious
    Current Music: The White Stipes, One More Cup Of Coffee
    Friday, December 5th, 2003
    9:47 pm
    A Brush With Death
    WOW, today was interesting.

    Well, it snowed like hell today. And guess what! I almost died!

    We got out of school early today because of the blizzard. After a long snowball fight after school me and Kristen decided to drive to my house and get buried in. But on the way something happened. We took a back road to my house. The roads were terrible. And when we came to one turn, her car slid and we crashed into a fence. And this huge wooden post came flying at my widow and almost hit me. Luckily the bumber knocked the post to the side. When we finally came to a stop we were in some guys yard. And we looked back at a very wrecked fence. We were both fine thank god, and the car just got a little banged up in the front bumber. So, after talking to the guy that lived there for a couple minutes, we pulled out and went to my house, very slowly. And when we got there she called her mom to come get her and everything. So, we didn't hang out at all. But I have high hopes for tommorrow. But what a day.

    Oh, and my dad and me argued over 2% and 1% milk at dinner.

    Your still-standing friend,

    Current Mood: thankful
    Current Music: Blondie, Atomic
    Thursday, November 27th, 2003
    11:00 pm
    Someone I Used To Know
    This is a song. It's for someone I once knew.

    Dementia by Skully

    Are you alive, or did you die
    Sometimes I wonder why
    I even bother to ask
    It's not like your here
    Or anywhere nearby
    You left a long time ago, and to me you died

    Are you alive, or is this just a lie
    Sometimes I wonder why
    What was wrong with you
    I never saw a problem
    But you went with them
    You trusted us all, but I know we just lied

    Are you alive, or did you forget to say goodbye
    Sometimes I wonder why
    I never did anything
    To stop you at all
    From here I can only fall
    You got locked up like the rest, and never got to wave goodbye

    You died long ago, but you didn't know.
    You think people never talked to you
    Because they didn't like you
    You died long ago, and now you’re a ghost.
    You think your seeing the truth
    Of what you once knew
    You died long ago, and now you’re in dementia

    Are you alive, or do you still feel dead
    I still feel regret
    For leaving you alone
    Those hours must have hurt
    And now nothing works
    You must have felt worse, so much you wished you were dead

    Are you alive, or can’t you forget when you bleed
    I still feel regret
    For never helping you
    At those times you needed me most
    But now your spirit’s toast
    You slit your wrists, and there is where you bleed

    Are you alive, or can’t I remember what you said
    I still feel regret
    For not listening to your thoughts
    Because now you’re gone
    I really never thought you were wrong
    You were what I always cared for, but I never said……

    You died long ago, but you didn't know (backup vocals)
    I never said….
    You died long ago, and now you’re a ghost (backup vocals)
    I never said….
    You died long ago, and now you’re in dementia (backup vocals)
    I never said goodbye

    I think it's good.


    Current Mood: lonely
    Current Music: Saves The Day, Firefly
    Sunday, November 23rd, 2003
    9:03 pm
    I Love Fall, But I Don't Know Why
    I wrote a song tonight, I hope you enjoy it.

    Like A Tree by Skully

    As the air gets thinner, the ground gets cooler
    The sounds cease to shock me, the mornings seem smoother
    The days grow shorter, the nights grow colder
    The fern leafs are falling, as everything is dying

    Nothing remains here, the earth is silent
    The grass turns gray, the flowers lose their scent
    It all disappeared, somewhere it went
    The fern leafs are falling, as everything is dying

    I'll wait for it to return, the world will be one again
    But December is now longer, my heart won't mend
    The colors are plain, where is Spring's blend
    The fern leafs are falling, as everything is dying

    The leafs carry no seeds, will Spring ever be here
    I feel empty in this cold damp place, is anyone near
    Now that you’re gone, is all that I know fear
    The fern leafs are falling, as everything is dying

    Now I know it can’t come back, it’s gone forever
    Winter’s end won’t return, it can never
    I will be stuck in this chill, with this pale whether
    The fern leafs are falling, as everything is dying

    You won’t be coming home, not in this condition
    The seasons will never change, they are locked in submission
    I’ll never see you again, that’s why I wrote this composition
    The fern leafs are falling
    The fern leafs are falling
    The fern leafs are falling, but you’re not returning.

    Thanks for reading,

    Current Music: Death Cab For Cutie, Title And Registration
    Tuesday, November 18th, 2003
    6:17 pm
    Lonelyness Is A Cancer, How It Spreads Through Your Mind
    I relised I haven't updated in awhile and since Kristen isn't coming over tonight I'm extremly bored.

    Basically the only thing I have to talk about is about the band. We're thinking about recording six tracks and making an EP. We've decided all to pitch in some cash to buy a nice recorder and have a little DIY.

    HE HE, DIY, that's funny........

    Anyway. I think we might get it done sometime next year. That is if we get a lot of practice in and actually buy the recorded. But everyone is optomistic on the idea. It should be a very good buy from the ideas that we're coming up with. Be sure to check it out.


    Current Mood: lonely
    Current Music: Death Cab for Cutie, Song for Kelly Huckaby
    Sunday, November 9th, 2003
    8:54 pm
    I Long For Those Nights With You
    Here's a song to keep you coming back for more. And to think, it all started from what a girl said to me.

    Long Live the Night by Skully and J.Q.

    You never know what you've had
    Till you've finally let it go
    Into the darkness of the unknown
    Into a world...a world all it's own

    I’ve left everything behind
    In a time that has long passed and gone
    I feel that my life has somehow gone wrong
    But in the night my dreams will stay...stay forever long

    Decisions I've made that I really regret
    Just times that I know I'll never get back
    When those long lived nights come to an end
    I look back at what I'll never have again

    I loved those times when I had no worries
    And every night I spent with you
    But those nights came so rare and in few
    I wish there was something…something I could do

    I must have that feeling once more
    Without it my soul grows sour
    And I count every moment by that hour
    The hour our love bloomed…bloomed like a flower.

    Decisions I've made that I really regret
    Just times that I know I'll never get back
    When those long lived nights come to an end
    I look back at what I'll never have again

    Somewhere I’ll look for the answers
    I feel into space for the red glow of Mars
    As I stare into the sky and gaze at the stars
    And I’ll think about what...what was once ours

    But all that’s left are the memories
    So for now I'll keep looking into the past
    For that one last moment so I can make it last
    And I only hope it doesn’t go...go by far too fast

    That my friends, is a long, thought out, well worked, peice of art.

    See ya ladder,

    Current Mood: accomplished
    Current Music: The Meteors, Surf City
    11:56 am
    I Feel Better
    Hey everybody.

    I had lots of fun last night at the show. There's too much to say and it would take me forever to type it all. If you really want to know, ask me. It's easier to say it then type it. Anyway, it felt really good. And I got a new CD. And it's becoming one of my favorites.

    And I'm going to let you read my new favorite song.

    Such Great Heights by The Postal Service

    I'm thinking it's a sign
    That the freckles in our eyes are mirror images
    And when we kiss they're perfectly aligned
    And I have to speculate that god himself
    Did make us into corresponding shapes
    Like puzzles pieces from the clay
    And true it may seem like a stretch
    But it's thoughts like this that catch my troubled head
    When you're away, when I am missing you to death

    When you are out there on the road
    For several weeks at shows
    And when you scan the radio
    I hope this song will guide you home

    They will see us waving from such great heights
    ''Come down now,'' they'll say
    But everything looks perfect from far away
    ''Come down now,'' but we'll stay...

    I tried my best to leave
    To leave this all on your machine
    But the persistent beat
    It sounded thin upon listening
    And that frankly will not fly
    You will hear the shrillest highs
    And the lowest lows with the windows down
    When this is guiding you home

    They will see us waving from such great heights
    ''Come down now,'' they'll say
    But everything looks perfect from far away
    ''Come down now,'' but we'll stay...

    That's it. It sounds much better when you listen to it.

    I love that song.


    Current Mood: cheerful
    Current Music: The Postal Service, Such Great Heights
    Friday, November 7th, 2003
    9:38 pm
    Long Live The Night
    Hey kids.

    We had a game tonight. It didn't go too well. Actually, it was horrible. You really don't want to know the score.

    I don't have anything to write about. I've found a lack of inspiration for lyrics lately. But, like any good song writer, the key is to wait for the song to come to you. You really can't think about what your writing, or else it seems so artifically and made up.

    Don't listen to me, you should know that by now.

    I learned this sweet thing I can do with my voice. I literally sound like a witch, or a freak, or some satan spawn creature when I do it. It's this wrecthed laugh that sounds like the devil. It sounds so cool. I spend every 5 minutes of my day doing it and pissing people off.

    Anyway......I'm just going on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on on.

    That was fun, I'm bored.


    Current Mood: contemplative
    Current Music: Mindless Self Indulgence, Molly
    Sunday, November 2nd, 2003
    9:16 pm
    New song, take a look, a long good look at it.

    Eclipse Into The Night by Skully

    The day seems so long and uncontrolled
    My shadow follows me wherever I roam
    Sometimes the days will never fade
    Until the sun has been blocked out by a cascade
    A cascade of the moon's glommy glow
    And soon the night will be here to save me from my woe

    An eclipse into the night
    This day is slowly losing light
    Soon the shadows will disappear
    And I'll no longer have any fear
    When the day eclipses into the night

    Eclipse the sun and block out the light
    Unite the Darkness and make what is wrong right
    Bring forth the power of the night and subtract the misery of the day
    Forget about your past life and learn to live a new way
    No more depressing dawns and only midnights full of sin
    Our lives will never be the same and no longer laced with ruin

    An eclipse into the night
    This day is slowly losing light
    Soon the shadows will disappear
    And I'll no longer have any fear
    When the day eclipses into the night

    The sun is turning black
    The moon shall rise above all
    FOREVER, until the end of time

    Current Mood: Singing
    Current Music: Tiger Army, Valley Of Dreams
    8:53 pm
    Green Envy

    I got my hair dyed tonight. Just thought I'd let you know. It's a dark green shade. You can barely see it. I'll be dyeing it purple soon.

    I wrote a bitchin' song. But I can't type tonight. So, I'll write it in ladder.

    That's all really.


    Current Mood: bouncy
    Current Music: Bigwig, Static
    Saturday, November 1st, 2003
    12:42 pm
    Everybodys So Full Of Shit

    Yesterday was lots of fun for me. It was Halloween of course, and for school I dressed up as a spiffy little school girl. It was quite interesting( I had a skirt on ). And after school Kristen and I hung out at my house. We had coffee and we tried on some old vintage clothes in my wardrobe. And then I tried her fishnets on which was pretty funny looking. What's even funnier is the fact that a kept them on with my skirt. Then we played with my Tarot cards. It was creepy. My sister came home this weekend and she was goning to take me to the No-Cash Halloween show. Kristen stayed over and had pizza with me and Mattie. Kristen was suppost to hang out with Ray and Violet tonight. Put she changed her mind and went to the show with me. YEAAAA!

    The show was just endless fun. We were looking at all the kewl clothes they sell at the store above Sanctuary. And believe or not, Kristen likes that stuff and wants to get some. And then we went downstairs to see some bands play. There were a lot of girls there last night. That was very unusal. The first band really sucked. It was some emo crap. And then the second band wasn't bad. After that band was done, Kristen said she had to leave. This is were it gets funny. We are both hanging out near the door, and she doesn't want to leave but she has to or else she'll get her car taken away. Her phone said it was around 10:30. And then her friend told her it was only 9:30. She apperently forgot to change the clock on her phone. So, after a few minutes of me hitting her and then jumping around together, we went back downstairs.

    The next band up was Team Spider. Team Spider is so funny. And Zak is the coolest old man on Earth. Team Spider dressed up as the Misfits and had Devil Locks and everything. And they only did Misfits' covers all night. And guess who Zak was dressed up as! The Crimson Ghost. Now that was realllllllllyyyy funny. You had to see what he looked like. After Team Spider was done, me and Kristen talked some more. And when No-Cash started their set, she had to leave, for real this time. So after a couple minutes of us staring at the door she left finally. And I went back downstairs. The rest of the night just wasn't the same without her.

    No-Cash had a pretty good set. And Jude tryed some new stuff tonight. It sounded really orginal. After the show we all went out the back ally where Cafe Toast used to be and hung out. Steve was yet again mixing liquor with coke. And after that we went home and I went to bed.

    That's it.


    Current Mood: tired
    Current Music: Jane's Addiction, Ted, Just Admit It...
    Thursday, October 30th, 2003
    6:24 pm
    Emotions Are Mixed, Just Like My Favorite Disc
    I'm feeling shitty again. I don't know if things will ever be alright. And if they do get better, they just turn back to shit after awhile. If your wondering why, it's everything. But it's also nothing.

    Have you ever had something that happened to you that made you feel so bad, and then everything else started to get worse around you. And then it all just piles up to one huge mound of depression. That's how I feel. So, I wrote a song today that expressed how this one big problem is making me feel.

    Dark Heart by Skully

    You've cursed my soul
    Now your all I seem to think of
    When I'm alone with just my shadow
    I think of what we once had and battled
    In times that seem so long ago
    I thought your love was the only kind I'd know

    Now I'm left here with my blackened soul
    My mind is shattered and my body grows old
    I may never be healed
    By the darkness you made me feel
    And now my heart is a different shade
    The morbid color of a foggy grey

    My Dark Heart, my Dark Heart, my Dark Heart will never go
    My Dark Heart, my Dark Heart, my Dark Heart will never go
    My Dark Heart, my Dark Heart, my Dark Heart will never go
    Unless I purge you from my soul

    Everyday when the sun goes down
    I feel like you are there
    But I know it's just a trick in my mind
    It makes me wonder if you ever cared

    In the silence when I think of you
    I hope for someone new to take me away from the pain
    Someone who wont make me feel the way you did
    Someone to free me from these chains

    My Dark Heart, my Dark Heart, my Dark Heart will never go
    My Dark Heart, my Dark Heart, my Dark Heart will never go
    My Dark Heart, my Dark Heart, my Dark Heart will never go
    Unless I purge you from my soul

    There ya go. Hopefully that will help me get rid of this feeling.


    Current Mood: crappy
    Current Music: Portishead, Undenied
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