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Dragons Elder

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sayonara [02 May 2004|09:49pm]
well due to blurty's increased slowness...

Scotty i need more power!!
I can't do it cap'n

i am leaving blurty behind... this is my last entry

if anyone really gives a shit... my new journal isHERE!

however im soon gonna make this a friends only journal so if u wanna read it you gotta get a greatest journal.... so meh! this is the last....

Sarah you have my permission to stab blurty to death ^_^
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lessee [24 Apr 2004|03:38am]
john gave me the run around yet again this weekend... if you gonna stay at a bar and drink just tell me that instead of telling me youll be in town in 15 mins... only to call 2 hours later saying yeah im leaving now... fuck u dude thats the second week in a row u did that to me...

any way... barry had the appartment stocked with beer and food.... i had like 8 beers in 2 1/2 hours... but im just buzzing... oh well

so apparently sarah and joey were up late tonight... and i didnt bother going over cause i thought they were gonna go to bed earlyish... oh well... least we have next weekend...

uhmm... i played DDR tonight... i double A'd Freckles... so i was stoked... full fuggen combo baby ^_^
then i played some doubles... and completely blew Tsugaru on standard... oh well

then i found out tonight that one of the ppl i play with sometime broke one of the arrows... i yelled at her... scolded her... and then cried lol

thats right sarah... a broken arrow at the mall... left side... left arrow... take a moment of silence if u will...

oh yeah.. i bought a kick ass hard back journal today... im gonna use it to write down those things i just cant write here no matter how hard i try...

hmmm... i suppose thats it for now... laterz... no quote... ^_^
5 comments|post comment

WHOAH! could it be? [22 Apr 2004|01:57am]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | silence ]

yes! yes i think it is! this is my second update in one day!
how utterly incredible!!

blah blah blah blah BLAH BLAH BLAH

i got bored... i really dont even know why im updating now... other then the fact that im bored...
okay so there was a point to this update... but im gonna pile it under some random junk about tonight and such

i played DDR at the mall toinght... played on heavy for an hour... then standard for a half hour... then i went to walden books... and bought manga... then to comics universe... for comics and...more manga

came home...read them all


looked at the clock and... whoah! its almost 2... and im not tired!
what a surprise your an insomniac that forces himself to sleep

meh... i just wanna say... that if any of u are fans of manga... and goofy manga with a serious twist... then Demon Diary is for you... i only have one more book before im done with the series... *snivel* cause theres only 7 books

anyway... the reason i updated... i was sitting here.. thinking
i know i know... i always get myself in trouble with thinking... but it helped this time...
dispite how much my life is sucking right now...
friends ditching me

dispite all of that... i am actualy the happiest... when i finaly get a quiet moment to do whatever the hell i feel like...

now dont get me wrong... i love being with my friends... as a matter of fact i like being with all of my friends a lot... but... i do enjoi silence by myself... and i dont just mean the "everyone needs some time alone or to think" kinda silence... im talking no one around... no worries... no thoughts... just... being!

these are the moments i love about life... it takes absolute chaos... to make me truly appreciate... silence
and lets face it... my life has been chaotic ^_^

i dunno... maybe my depression is finaly starting to dissipate...
anywho... i know tomorow will come... or more precisly later today will come -_- .. but thats beside the point

the point is... i know tomorow will come... and i know that something will come that will make me depressed again...

but i had to write this entry because right now... at this moment... in the absolute silence... remembering good times with friends and just being... i am happy... and thats more then i have been in some time

so thats my 2 AM rant... and seeing as i technicaly did update... "tomorow" as i said i would in my last update... maybe ill update later tonight as well

tis all for now
till next time we meet
just wipe the sweat from your brow
and keep moving your feet... whoah... did i just make a lil rhyme without even thinking about it? hmmm...

consider that your quote for this post.... >_>
ill even do it up all "quote" style right now so there is no confusiong... yeah i know it wasnt that good of a rhyme... but it caught me by surprise... so sue me ^_^

"Tis all for now.
Till next time we meet,
Just wipe the sweat from your brow,
And keep moving your feet." ~ Dragons Elder
3 comments|post comment

ack! dun yell at me!! [21 Apr 2004|05:12pm]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | Green Day : Time of Your Life ]

okay... so i havnt updated in a lil while... and ive received hell about it by 2 ppl who will remain nameless...

okay... whats happened... i dont even know when i updated last...
*checks old journal entry*

while im waiting for slow ass blurty to open ill just dance a jig

*continues jigging*

hmm... its sad... i have cable internet too...

*stops jigging*

aha! there we go... last time i updated i was jobless... loveless.. slightly depressed... and enjoying a dinner with Joey and Sarah...

well not much has changed then ^_^
cept im slightly happier and im not eating with Joey and Sarah... well not untill tomorow nite

lets see... oh yeah... rather depressing weekend...
uhhmm... friday nite john and i met up at like.. 10? talked to some drunks that came to the appartment to see gabe... drank one beer... and then tried to get keys copied for the appartment for john and i...
well walmart couldnt make a key... so we would have to try the other walmart in the next town... only thing is... its not open 24 hours... and it closed at 11.... its now 1230 -_-

so john and i drive back to town and call it a nite at 130... which is slightly abnormal...

so then friday... i head to the appartment... at 1000 to wait for miggy and john... miggy was supposed to be taking us to a party he knew about that we all were invited for... and john got off work at 1000
well im at the appartment by myself... waiting... waiting... waiting... tis midnight now...
john calls... he was drinking at the bar... fuggen beautiful... ive just been sitting on my ass doing nothing for the past 2 hours... and uve been drinking... i could have been doing nothing at home where at least the temperature is semi controlable... in the appartment we have to temps... hot... and Kenya...

so john finaly shows up at like 1 ... meaning ive been sitting on my ass in the appartment for 3 hours... john goes and gets some beer and john and i drink beer and watch Equilibrium... then go home...
miggy apparently went to the party without us... he called john and john was at work... and he didnt even bother calling me... so he went to the party without us...

so sunday comes around and miggy is online and says how he and john went and picked out fog lights for his car and he was going to go install them with john... something ive been talking to him about for a while about...
and here he is... doing it with migs... who ditched us last night... and didnt even call me... so i tell miggy whatever... and put up an away msg... something about not wanting to sit in front of my computer talking to ppl that realy dont want anything to do with me...

and i went upstairs and laid down... at 7 ish... 710ish john calls... he left some msgs on my comp and he wanted me to come down and install the fog lights with him... but i could tell by his voice that he was just trying to ask me cause he knew i was upset... i told him that i wasnt coming down... he asked why and i simply fed him some bullshit about not feeling right... and i hung up the phone... ... havnt talked to him since...

i wanted to go to philly this weekend... but i dont know if i will...
mikes no longer there...
robs gotta work...
vals to busy with her boy that she cant even see the trouble shes getting herself into let alone that im there for a visit...
holly is always busy with projects due... i think she wants me to visit though...
so unless ian isnt busy... im not going down...
cause if ian is busy it will just be me... sitting in there appartment... alone... for the whole weekend...

i did 3 hours of that last weekend... i dun want a whole weekend of it...

i applied for unemployment yesterday...
and i dont know about any jobs yet...

i think the highlight of my week was watching a gory movie called Battle Royale...

and ppl wonder why i dont update my journal often... cause nothing interesting usualy happens to me... and when it does... its usualy depressing of upsetting...

seems my buddy rob is in the same boat... i always knew we were too much alike... seems he is going through everything that i went through emotionaly... just a week behind... and rob... u stole the whole
good things for me = bad things for them
bad things for me = good things for them
theory :-P

so thats my update.. ill update tomorow no matter how depressing it may be... dun like it when nice girls yell at me ^_^

uhmm.... a quote... lemme see....

*checks quote book*

hmmm.... two quotes today... in an effort to make up for the lack of good quotes lately

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin.....
But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid.Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."
~ Alfred Souza

"Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best." ~ Henry Van Dyke

tiss all for now... update ya laterz.... err... tomorow... maybe

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short drive on a long road [16 Apr 2004|12:12am]
so today i played DDR for like an hour or so on all heavy..
got a lil sweaty... took a shower... headed out to do some buisiness... bought two DVDs
Kill Bill vol. 1 and Equilibrium... both kick ass movies

then Joey Sarah and i ditched Tom and Ryan and went to Ruby Tuesdays for some food
i ordered an appitizer of cheese fries... and they brought this HUGE plate of cheese fries... it was like


so we ate... and we ate... and then the waitress took our plates... right out from under us... cause we looked like we were done... which we were... but it would have been nice if she had asked...
then we sat there for a while longer talking... joking... laughing... weirding out the other customers... good times ya know ^_^

so then we head to their house... Joey and i played some Counter Strike for a while... Scooter(dog) tried to eat my hands... Sarah Nick(sarahs bro) and i played DDR... got tired... sat down... scooter tried to eat my hands again... talked for a while... scooter tried to eat my hands again...

oh yeah! i almost forgot! sarah let me read her plans to take over america.... it was great!!
very insightful... humoring... and creative ideas on how to take it over ^_^

so then i got home... sat down at the computer... and here i am ^_^

not much but hey! i had a good time ^_^

hmmm... a quote... heres an interesting one i stumbled on

"What we don't know can and will harm us unless we are earnest in unmasking the trappings of false reality." ~Byron Lebeau
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... [14 Apr 2004|11:56am]
[ mood | mellow ]

i sit here... and i think
think about how im no longer in college
think about how im no longer working

and then i start thinking about my life... and how uneventful it truly has been
i mean sure ive had a lot of thing happen to me... but mostly bad... i can only think of a few things that could be truly good memories... and they just end up making me sad...

then i start thinking about how depressed ive been of late...
how it pisses me off that im such a depressed sad sorry sack of shit
that all i want more then anything is to be truly happy...
and that the only way to get shit off my chest is to talk about it...
and then about how much of a depressed loser every one must think i am...
then i think maybe i should just bottle every thing up again...

and then i watch a movie thinking that im a lil better now...
and i see the classic love story develop...
then i start thinking again...
i think about how sad it is... that ive never truly known love... never even had sex... never had anyone that i could call my own...
and then it hits me like a ton of bricks...
that there is such thing as love and true love... but im never gonna experience it...
because all the good ones that make me feel good are either taken, just wanna be friends, or i will never meet because im stuck in this hell hole of a town where i know every person there is...
and how even if u did meet the girl of your dreams... you probably wouldnt have the balls to do anything about it...

and then once again u realize that your sitting alone being depressed...
so u decide to write a journal entry about everything hoping to get everything all out so u will feel better...
maybe someone will pitty u and make a nice comment to make u feel better...
but deep down u know that thats all it is... just pitty... and u dont want ppl to pitty you
you dont want ppl to feel bad for you... u want them to be happy... no matter how much it kills you...
and you realize that your just a self sacrificing fucktard who would do just about anything for anyone at the expense of your own future...
and how your a slave to loyalty because you cant see yourself ever betraying anyone...
and it kills you to see loyalty betrayed... whether it be in friendship... life... and most importantly... love...
how deep down inside a little peice of you suffers whenever u hear a guy talk about how he would love to, is going to, or IS cheating on his girl... because u know that u would never do anything like that because youve seen it destroy too many relationships...

and then u worry about the kind of person you will become when the time comes and youre pushed too far...
you worry about what happens when u snap...

and then you start to think that you understand why ppl are plauged with thoughts of suicide...
but you dont understand why they would ever kill themselves...
cause by killing youself... they win... fate wins
and you realize that you would never do anything like that and the mere thought of it is just plain stupid...


and then u realize that youve been thinking too long...
this is the kinda thing... i think about when im alone... when i wake up in the morning... when i go to bed at night

and i know ppl are gonna say "its not that bad" "things will work out for you" "keep you chin up"
i know their gonna say it cause i say it to myself all the time... and i say it to other ppl all the time...

but deep down i know...
im just supposed to be a background character... cause im not lead role material

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a rainy day to make me smile [13 Apr 2004|12:07pm]
[ music | Scooter : Maria (I Like It Loud) ]

its been raining for the last 2 days now... that makes me happy... i love rain... makes me feel good ^_^

okay so its been a while... lessee

not much has happened to me durring the week... just weekend adventures as always

i went to Joey and Sarahs house and we had an all day movie, anime, and gaming marathon... got there about 3ish... and left about 4ish... in the morn... 13 hours later ^_^
it was a great time... and we are planning on another one second weekend in may... for a dual birthday celebration... Sarahs is on the 2nd and mine is on the 5th... and we are gonne DRINK!!
so i will be staying the night... lol

didnt do a whole lot... around 8 i went to the mall and played like an hour straight of heavy DDR... i could barely walk out of the mall ^_^
so im driving back and i get a call on my cell... its my dad... and he says that Neer and Miggy are at the house waiting for me... so i get home and we head to the appartment... John gets there and we sit back in the computer room.... where we all get on our own computer to do our own thing while chatting with each other... yeah thats right... all of us got our own comp... and there was still one sitting there not being used... and i didnt even drag my laptop with me ^_^
theres like 5 computers in the comp room... lol
so we get some beer... and pizza... and we all chill till about 1 and go home early cause John has to work at the resteraunt on Easter sunday... and i said that i would tag along and help out cause they needed an extra hand
so i got home... and stayed up till like 230 talking to Holly... i miss her... i regret never telling her how i felt about her even though we both know how we felt... and at the same time i have reservations about seeing her... even though im happy when im with her... meh...

yeah i know i didnt have and easter speacial entry so

Merry Fuggin Late Egg-Laying Rabbit Day

i wake up at like... 830 and get ready to go to work
John shows up late and we rush to get to work... okay so he wasnt that worried about getting there on time... apparently they dont really care that much...
so they put me one dishwashing duty... as well as anything else they neede me to do
so no Easter sunday church... not like ive been there in almost a year anyway...
no Easter dinner...
just Easter work...
so john and i finish work... and we head to the appartment at like 7... thats right... 7 at night...
we were both so drained we just kinda crashed... lol
so we ordered pizza from pappa johns... and our Easter dinner consisted of pizza and beer lol

monday not much happened and today not much is happening... update ya laterz when i have something to say ^_^

"No quote today." ~ Dragons Elder.... oh crap ive used that one before havnt i...
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the white space in my mind [09 Apr 2004|12:38am]
i went to dinner with ppl from my old work tonight... it was a good dinner... had some laughs
then i went to joeys house with ryan and his girl...
just chilled... played video games... relaxed... talked... had fun...
theyre dog is insane... we were there for almost 4 hours... and the dog didnt get tired of playing fetch at all... in fact the ppl got tired of it first... and if someone got tired.. the dog went to someone else... and whined untill you threw the ball.... wish i could find such happiness in something that simple ^_^

so now im back home... bored... so im going to bed...

what? i told u that nothing interestingly good happens to me... so go away ^^
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Fate claims her next soul [07 Apr 2004|01:33am]
well... jobless u have time to think about things... things u dont wanna think about
i dont wanna be sitting around forever with my thumb up my ass
i need to get out of where i am
including my depression... i hide it.. slap a smile in its place and pretend everything is kool
but its not... i wake up every morning now asking myself... how would things be different if i stayed?
would i be with her?
would we be happy?
would i still even be the same person that ive been forced to grow into?

every morning i ask those questions

so im still going this thursday to see all the ppl from my old line at my old work to say hi and eat some food... and maybe... to say good bye

joey and his wife sarah are still good friends... i talk to sarah alot right now... i think she and joey are worried about how im taking losing my job... but i honestly dont know how im taking it... im not sad... or happy.. or upset... i dont even feel worried one bit... even though i should be...

i wasnt going to update this tonight... but then i talked with one of my closest friends...
a good friend of his... she died today... dude hasnt had much death in his life... and she was a close friend...
he was kinda shaken up by it... keeping him from sleeping tonight and all... and he got some bad news about one of his college courses the same day too... so hes a lil stressed

and i did all i could...

Him: I wish there was a reset button

Him: redo my life completely

Him: such a fuckup sometimes

Dragons Elder: i look for that reset button every morning i wake up man

Dragons Elder: every morning that i see im not in college

Dragons Elder: every morning i think about how things could have been

Dragons Elder: but u cant look back too long or else u trip over the shit thats coming

Him: You should be in college I should be a factory

Him: just soo tired

Him: of everthing

Dragons Elder: naw... i screwed up my chance for where i was

Dragons Elder: yeah man i know... been there... still doing that

Dragons Elder: just know that im here for u for whatever i can do man... im not always the greatest friend or even person... but ill always do what i can for my friends

Him: I appreciate that man

Dragons Elder: i wish i could be more supportive and helpfull for you right now... kinda hard when your in a funk... but things have a funny way of working out man... college wouldnt be college if it wasnt a challenge... and life wouldnt be life without a few bumps, pot holes, and patches of ice

Dragons Elder: just gotta keep trying to find a peice of happiness somewhere and hold on to it... whether it be a memory or a peice of pocket lint... keep that tiny bit of happiness man... cause it helps u through shit

Him: ok

Dragons Elder: ... im probably just rambling now... and im sorry.. but im getting sleepy... gotta get up tomorow to file for unemployment and look for a new job... so ill talk to u laterz... aight?

Him: ok

Him: laters

Him: I gotto go myself

like im one to be talking about keep on keeping on right...
i know... im lousy when it comes to pep talks
i gotta get to bed now... gotta meditate... and hope that i dont wake up with what ifs
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so i wake up at about 2... after like 14 hours of hibernation... and the headache is almost gone... just the after aura that i always get when its nearly deminished

and i listen to the phone msgs to see if anyone called... and theres a message from human resourses at work saying to call before i return to work tomorow... so i do... and they answer

and they drop the bomb... your fired

now i think i was supposed to be upset, sad, angry, worried, something, anything... but i wasnt
all i could say was oh... okay then..
they told me that my last check would be in the mail and that my benifets would carry for a month...
"wait u mean the benifets that you screwed me out of at the begining of the year? you mean the benifets that u never helped me get back after you screwed up and lost my benifets. no they wont be carrying for a month they will be disscontinued as of 4 months ago when u lost my benifets"

"oh i guess your right. well then your last check will be in the mail. do you have any questions?"

"nope just glad i finaly got out of hell" *click*

i think they need to sacrifice someone from my line around every holiday... i was just lucky enough to be drawn for this hollidays sacrifice

im just kinda apathetic right now...
dont know what to say

maybe ill just play video games for the rest of the day or something

i think life is trying to drive me into being a bum... cause the harder i try to make something for myself... the quicker and harder im knocked down
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*whimper* [05 Apr 2004|05:44am]
[ mood | scared ]
[ music | jsut the pounding bass in my own head -_- ]

so about one in the morning... i wake up with a migraine so bad i can hardly sit up...
i stumble out of bed to my medicine after 7 mins or so... get one of the packets of my medicine i keep in my room for emergency... 5 mins later i finaly get the damn thing open... stumble to the bathroom for some water... god damn this light is killing my eyes right now...
so i took the meds and tried to go back to sleep... only i just lay in bed in complete pain for an hour till i finaly doze off
3 in the morn... i wake up and the pain is even worse... i think its the worst migraine ive ever had... so i stumle out of bed again and take a second one of my emergency meds... something ive never had to do...
after that i wake up every hour because of the pain... apparently i moved to fast while i was sleeping and my brain decided to kill me ^^
so right now its almost 6 in the morn... and my head is still pounding and i dont know if i can keep on... so i called work and said that i wont be coming into work today...
however... due to previous arangements i have to drive into town... pick up someone... and drive them to work.... cause i am there only ride into work and they wont be able to get someone else to take them to work so close to having to be at work... considering that work starts in an hour
so i gotta drive in and hope i dont wreck while im doing so
even after all that med... im still thinking about some advil... and those were some potent migraine meds...yeah... that bad

shit... "When it rains, it pours."

ill update you later about my weekend and stuff... seeing as it was a decent weekend.... but my head is too fucked up to remember passed... last night... yeah thats right... i forgot that i lose some of my short term memory when these things spring up on me... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..... my left arm is numb now... gods are out to getm e now..i better go so im not looking at this bright screen anymre... laterz all

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much ado about nothing [03 Apr 2004|02:56am]
yeah... nothing much has changed in my life... ive been going out on thursdays to meet with friends from work for dinner... thats always good... helps me relax

my van is up and running for the time being but i gotta get a new vehicle cause this babys not gonna last long

some asshole drank all of my liquor at the appartment... but its all gonna be taken care of and new bottles will be bought for me.... everyones hands off!!

tonight... im dead tired... 3 beers... and long conversations and catching up with friends later... im ready to go to bed...

ive still been on 10+ hour days... nice paychecks... not so nice energy

my goal is to lose 20-25 pounds more in the next month... keeping hopefull... keeping moving

played DDR for like an hour on heavy tonight....

i got nothing else right now... too tired and out of it to remeber what i last updated about soooooooo tis all fare thee well and good night
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vampire christ [25 Mar 2004|09:37pm]
okay... so i was watching tv tonight and a movie came on... i think it was called Dracula 2... i saw the first one and it basicaly said that dracula was Judas... which made sense in a lot of ways... anywho

in the second one... the main revalation is that this dracula is Peter... Jesus' right hand apostle... and all the apostles were vampires with Jesus being the head vampire... an interesting twist indeed... something i probably would have been offended by when i was still religous

anywho... i worked 9 hours today... it was a baaaaaaaaaaaaaad 9 hours.... loooooooong day.... im just like... blah... but that didnt stop me from coming home and going for a run after work... i decided to start jogging at the begining of april... but it was just such a nice day today that i couldnt resist ^_^

so i jogged a good mile... in about 7-10 mins... which i decided it was a good start... but now my legs are like
"WHAT IN THE 7 CIRCLES OF HELL WERE U THINKING!?! Well we'll be damned if we're gonna do a damn thing for the rest of the nite.... and maybe tomorow."


uhmm... i think thats it... heres a quiz i took.... laterz

Fantasy Lover

Your Seduction Stye: "Fantasy Lover"

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you!

Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter.

You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you

You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable

Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life

By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover.

Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives

Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours

No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
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as the moon kissed my face [21 Mar 2004|11:08pm]
[ mood | meh ]
[ music | Incubus : Megalomaniac ]

many a moon amigo

ive been... not feeling like talking about me lately

been a lil anti-social of late... i think my transmission on my van is gonna go... so i might have to get my new car earlier then i thought

im back to working 50+ hours at work again... 10 hour days and possible saturdays -_-
wait... lemme try to organize my thoughts a bit....

*deep breath*

uhhmm... ive been playing DDR like mad... doing decent of late... mostly heavy... aaaaaaaand!
ive lost about 20 pounds in 3 weeks... and im aiming for another 30 by my birthday... may 5th

i think its possible... hmm... toe is doing good... i got the stitches taken out and it hurts so much less

the group i eat with on thursdays are getting larger and larger and thats kool cause its more ppl to talk to ^_^

ive seriously gotta stop buying manga... im sitting here starting at about $270 worth of manga... in just 2 weeks

like i said i didnt have a whole lot to say... thats why i havnt updated in sooooooo long... cause nothing interesting happened... and i didnt feel like even bitching about my desperately lonely attitude

which brings us to this weekend...
i got hooked up with a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Captain Morgans spiced rum
so this weekend when i was going to drink with my buds i got some orange juice and some coke
my buds refused to drink the liqour... so they went and got beer... bah! all the more for me ^_^

new fav drink... its no longer a screwdriver... its rum and coke
good stuff ^_^

oh! i got a bonzai tree ^___^ soooooo happy... its sitting here on my stand with me... its crazy how u have to take care of em... u gotta put em out for air like u would a dog or something
but... i look at it... and it makes me smile

i look for every ounce of happiness i can find... so thats it... nothing good happening aaaaaaaaaand... thats it

"When there is no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth." ~ Dawn of the Dead ... yeah i forgot to mention that i saw that movie as well

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as the moon kisses my face [21 Mar 2004|10:09pm]
[ mood | meh ]
[ music | Incubus : Megalomaniac ]

many a moon amigo

ive been... not feeling like talking about me lately

been a lil anti-social of late... i think my transmission on my van is gonna go... so i might have to get my new car earlier then i thought

im back to working 50+ hours at work again... 10 hour days and possible saturdays -_-
wait... lemme try to organize my thoughts a bit....

*deep breath*

uhhmm... ive been playing DDR like mad... doing decent of late... mostly heavy... aaaaaaaand!
ive lost about 20 pounds in 3 weeks... and im aiming for another 30 by my birthday... may 5th

i think its possible... hmm... toe is doing good... i got the stitches taken out and it hurts so much less

the group i eat with on thursdays are getting larger and larger and thats kool cause its more ppl to talk to ^_^

ive seriously gotta stop buying manga... im sitting here starting at about $270 worth of manga... in just 2 weeks

like i said i didnt have a whole lot to say... thats why i havnt updated in sooooooo long... cause nothing interesting happened... and i didnt feel like even bitching about my desperately lonely attitude

which brings us to this weekend...
i got hooked up with a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Captain Morgans spiced rum
so this weekend when i was going to drink with my buds i got some orange juice and some coke
my buds refused to drink the liqour... so they went and got beer... bah! all the more for me ^_^

new fav drink... its no longer a screwdriver... its rum and coke
good stuff ^_^

oh! i got a bonzai tree ^___^ soooooo happy... its sitting here on my stand with me... its crazy how u have to take care of em... u gotta put em out for air like u would a dog or something
but... i look at it... and it makes me smile

i look for every ounce of happiness i can find... so thats it... nothing good happening aaaaaaaaaand... thats it

"When there is no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth." ~ Dawn of the Dead ... yeah i forgot to mention that i saw that movie as well

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*does happy dance* [07 Mar 2004|04:51am]
[ music | Shakka Zombie : Siroi Yami No Naka ]


woohoo! my absolute fav anime... and they finaly translated the manga (japanese comic book) to english... well it was translated a few months back but no one around here had it... but i gots it ^___^
so yeah... i bought that... and some other manga series... battle royale, FLCL, and flame of recca

i was at the mall today... playing DDR on my bum foot... and it was good... i didnt pull the stiches or anything... and i was playing the hard songs too... hell it didnt even bleed ^_^ so i is happy

oh! and while i was at the mall... i had chicks hitting on me... which im not used to... come to think of it... i had chicks checking me out tonight too.... hmm.... meh... whatever

so tonight i meet up with my friends... miggy stopped at the house to pick me up... met up with john and barry and we started drinking... we each only had 3 beers cause barry decided that he didnt wanna go to the bar... so migs and i had to share our beer with john and barry... so we didnt even get a buzz... barry on the other had got wasted... such a fuggen lite weight
im starting to dislike that dude.... really annoying

anywho... we head down to the diner to get some coffee and food... and i look out the window and theres my dad in his truck... so i run out and tap on his window and he tells me that he and my god father are coming in to get some food cause they were out drinking all nite... father like son i guess ^_^

so they come in and sit with us... it was great... my dads kool... and my god father kicks ass... we all had a good time shootin the shit and just chillen.. .till like 4 am... lol

so we decide to head home and migs is like u need a ride home dude?
and im like shit i got my dad right here man ^^ laterz

so dad drives us home and he went to bed... here i am... updateing my journal and right now its 502 am
so yeah... i had a great nite... im happy

just to let some one know... i took them off of my friends list... so i wont be reading your journal any more... feel free to write whatever you want... like u said... its your journal, dont like it, dont read it... and since im keeping you from writing things in your journal that u want... IM NOT READING IT ANYMORE
take care babe... nice knowing you... dont know what else to say really... maybe its for the best

i gotta try to get to philly this weekend... my buddy mike is getting shafted and hes not going to be there after next weekend... so i need to see him... and i dont know when gina is leaving from drexel... so i need to see her too... shes pretty upset about things and needs someone to talk to... i cant give good advice when not in person... i need to see holly too... kinda miss her... im not gonna say anything to her... nothing will come of it anyway

meh... thats all for now... update ya laterz

"... Don't you feel I'm like a peaceful hunter, continuing to chase the dragonfly of love?" ~ Vash the Stampede, Trigun

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random raphsody [04 Mar 2004|10:23pm]
[ mood | geeky ]
[ music | Fuel : Shimmer ]

Kai: *munches cookies happily*
Eldeas: *poke* what are u so happy about?
Kai: i got girl scout cookies today... and i forgot i ordered any ^___^
Eldeas: are they made with real girl scouts?
Kai: wizziwha!? o.O nooooo... want some?
Eldeas: naw im watching my figure *walks away with box of thin mints*
Kai: *glomps* give em back! ^^
Eldeas: wow! im surprised you still have energy after last night
Kai: whaddya mean? @_@
Eldeas: u know! playing video games till 2am and then waking up at 530am
Kai: yeah? so?
Kai: ... so? i had 3 hours of sleep
Eldeas: you just got home 40 mins ago at 950!!! O.o
Kai: oh! yeah... i guess i should be tired.... DID I TELL U I PLAYED ddr LAST NITE!?!?!!!!!!
Eldeas: eghhh... yeah... a million times -_-
Kai: well i cant help it... i was so excited!!! i havnt played in ages
Eldeas: *-* it was only a week kai
Kai: and a hellishly long week it was -_- *does happy dance* more good news!!!
Eldeas: .... doesnt it hurt to dance around on a bum foot? O.o
Kai: .... oh!... uhhmmm... ouch? @.@... anywho! good news!!!!! *jumps up and down*
Eldeas: alright alright already! whats up?
Kai: i might be getting a part time computer job at pella... well its not really part time... its just optional overtime out the ass working on computers being offered only to me... but they have to check and make sure its all good ^_______^
Eldeas: awesom! thats great! but dont get your hopes up too high
Kai: i know i know... youve told me a thousand times not to get my hopes up on too many things
Eldeas: and you rarely listen... -_-
Eldeas: calm down now... why dont you go to sleep... you havnt seen her in your dreams lately have you?
Kai: no... i havnt... i havnt remembered any of my dreams lately
Eldeas: ... well... why dont you go to bed?
Kai: Okay... i suppose...
Eldeas: Suppose... that i will...
Dragons Elder: Will go to bed now

anyone that knows me well... knows that i also go by the name kai... anyone that reads my journal... knows my inner ryu is eldeas... yes... i talk to myself... all the time... i have some of the best convos with me

no more for now...

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[04 Mar 2004|12:29am]
[ music | Shakka Zombie : Tenohira Wo Taiyouni ]

feeling pretty good today... i cant remember what i dreamt last night.. not sure if thats a good or bad thing but meh!! im happy right now

i played DDR on my bum foot tonight... didnt do too bad... and i didnt push myself... okay i lied... i pushed myself a lil... i did some heavy songs when there were ppl watching... ^_^ i couldnt help it...

i didnt do any jumps though... didnt wanna risk it...

i wasnt gonna play to begin with... but i was walking past the arcade in the mall and... there it was... being played... so i watched... and i watched... then someone bailed out in the middle of a song... and insticts took over and i jumped on the pad and went for it @_@

so anywho.. the reason i was in the mall was to buy the new Ninja Gaiden for the xbox... simply put... it roxors my boxors... its sooooooo friggen sweet =)

uhmm... thas it for now ^_^

"Sometimes we are so caught up in the quest to hunt down the ice cream truck, that we forget we have free ice cream in the fridge at home."

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dreamy invader [01 Mar 2004|05:53pm]
someone was running through my dreams all night... she wouldnt leave... 5 different dreams last night... and she was in every one

i dont remember what the dreams were... just that she was there
i havnt been thinking about her... so why has she started apearing in my dreams of late

thats why i wasnt supposed to go to bed last night.. she was there... im worried about the next time i see her
worried ill say something stupid... bah!

what am i saying... im supposed to be the lonely guy ppl turn to for advice...

so im outa here

"When a defining moment comes along you either define the moment, or the moment defines you." ~ Tin Cup
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much ado about sweet nothings whispered in my ear [29 Feb 2004|10:35pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]
[ music | Move : Gamble Rumble ]

this weekend blew

didnt do shit...
didnt accomplish shit...
same ole boring shit

i have so much that i dont want to say
and so little that i wish to portray

my dreams are becoming more vivid... but no one believes in premonitions round here

not that i know what my dreams mean anymore... or if i can beleive in them... they drive my hopes too high

i dont know what to say now... im bored out of my mind... have a shit load of energy... nothing to do, or can do without being able to move around on my foot...

im restless and nervous... and i dont know why... there is something inside me telling me to get out of the house and stay out all night... no sleep... come home... get a bite to eat... and go to work... something keeps urging me to do this all.... and i dont know why

but i wont stay awake... my dreams have intruiged me too much... i need to see what my dreams may bring... what tomorow holds...

thats all... im ranting now... im a raving lunatic... im going to bed... wish me luck

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